The Buena Vista Argus. (Buena Vista, Ga.) 1875-1881, March 26, 1881, Image 1

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PRACTICAL ILLUSTRATION OF TBJI PRAM AS OR TOUTH. When yon got two or throe old follows of CO or so together, they are fond of telling stories about the pranks they played in their youthful days, and laughing proudly over their misdeeds. But this isn’t always a safe thing to do. Old Judgo IJees indulged in this roorea tion in the presence of his son, aged 14. The old man told of quantities of tricks he had played upon his father, and chuoklod gleefully over them. It roused young Bees’ ambition, and the next night, when the Judgo wont home, he had an awful time of it. There was a pail of water suspended over the front door that tippod as ho oponed the door and, deluged him. Ho was both sur prised and annoyed at that, and walked into the entry with oaths upon his lips, and immediately his feet caught a cord tied across tlio hall from the banisters to the hat-rack, and it tripped him up and pulled tho hat-rack over on top of him. He was skinned in soveral places, and, by the timo he disongaged himsolf, was awful mad. He started up-stairs, and part way up a cord stretched across at the right height caught him suddenly mtder tho chin and threw him backward down tho stairs. Then he started to crawl up-stairs, and part way up di: cov ered a rope lying on the stairs and own ing from the top. He pulled it, and hauled a barrol down upon himself that bounced him down stairs again. He was nearly delirious with rage as he rose to liis feet that time, and utterly unable to understand the cause of all theso contrivances being in his way. Once more ho essayed to go up, and that time succeeded. On reaching the head of the stairs he thought he heard a snicker, and investigation showed his son peep ing from liis chamber and laughing. On being taxed by the Judge with fixing the traps the boy owned up. “ What in the name of heaven have I dono that mado you do it ?” yelled the Judgo, aghast at the boy’s wickedness ami cool ness. “ Why, I heard you say you played these pranks on your father. - ’ “Yes, and he licked me liko blazes for it, just as I’ll lick you,” roared the infuriated Judge. “ You oidn’t say any tliing about being licked when you told the stories,” cried the now frightened boy. This was a strong argument, but the Judgo wasn’t in a frame of mind to appreciate it. The boy’s yells were heard in tho next w r ard, and ho has re solved, as soon as his raw spots get well, to run away to some place whers thoy’ll tell him the whole facts of a case. And the Judge thinks he has learned to be careful what he says before that boy.— New York Mercuru. * causes or WAR. A certain King sent to another King, saying, “ Send me a blue pig with a black tail, or else—” Tne other replied, “I have not got one, and if I had—” On this weighty cause they went to war. After they had exhausted their armies and resources, and laid waste their kingdoms, they began to wish to make peace; but before this could bo done it was necessary that the insulting language that led to the trouble should bo explained. “Wnat could you mean,” asked,the second King of tho first, “by saying, Send me a blue pig with a black tail, or else—?” “Why,” said the other, “I meant a o’ue color. But what could you mean by saying, I have not got one, and if I bad—?” “Why, of course, if I had I should have sent it.” The explanation was satisfactory, and the peace was accordingly concluded. The story of the two Kings ought to serve as a lesson to us all. Most of the quarrels between individuals are quite as foolish as the war of the blue pig with a black tail. THE RATAL BUCKET. “ It is much easier to get into a quar rel than to get out of it.” In the year 1005 some soldiers of the common wealth of Modena ran away with a buck et from a public well belonging to the ft ate of Bologna. This implement might be worth 1 shilling, but it produced a quar rel which was worked into a long and san guinary war. Henry, the King of Sar dinia, assisted the Modenese to keep possesion of the bucket, and in one of the battles he was made prisoner. His father, the Emperor, offered a chain of gold that would encircle Bologna, which is seven miles in compass, for his son's ransom, but in vain. After twenty-two years’imprisonment, he pined away. His monument is now extant in the church of the Dominicans. This fatal bucket is still exhibited in the tower of the Cathe dral of Modena, inclosed in an iron cage. Tan annual consumption of different forms of opium has grown in Albany from 350 pounds of opium and 375 ounces of morphia twenty-five years ago to 3,500 pounds of opium and 6,500 ounces of morphia, not to mention 500,- 000 morphia pills yearly sold. One of the city druggists has told the Journal that where twenty-five years ago he made laudanum by the gallon, ho now prepares it by the barrel. A quarter of a century ago an opium-eater was a rarity; to-day the number is large and on the increase, and fully four-fifths of them are women. The salt district of Saginaw, Mich., has about ninety-five companies at work, with an annual capacity of 2,600,000 bushels. The first well was sunk only twenty-one years ago, and in 1859 the Legislature encouraged the enterprise with a bounty of 10 cents a bushel on all salt manufactured, and an exemption from taxation for all engaged in the business. WILL W. SINGLETON 1 , Editor & Proprietor. VOL. VI. OUR JUVENILES. tv hat theChott ftntiff About the New Bonnet . A foolish little maiden bought a foolish little bonnet, With a ribbon, and a feather, and a bit of laoo upon It; And that tho other maidens of tho little town might know it. She thought she'd go to mooting tho next Sunday Just to show it But though tho little bonnot v os scarce larger than a dime, The getting of it Bottled proved to be a work of time; So when ’twas fairly tied, all tho belle had stopped their ringing, And when she cumo to meeting, sure enough, tho folks were singing. So the foolish littlo maiden stood and waited at tho door; And she shook her ruffles out behind, and smoothed them down beforo. “ Hallelujah, hallelujah 1” sang the choir abovs her head— “ ITnrdiy knew you! hardly knew you l were ths wordß ho thought they said. This made the little maiden feel so vory, very cross, That biie g. ve her mouth a little twist, her head a littlo toes; For she thought tho very hymn they sang was all about her bonnet, With the ribbon, and tho feather, and tho bit of lace upon it. And she would not wait to listen to the sermon or the prayer, But pattered down the silent street, and hurried up the stair, Till she reached her little bureau, and in a bandbox on it Had hidden safe from critic’s eye her foolish little bonnet Which proves, my littlo maidens, that each of you will find In every Sabbath service but an echo of your mind; And the little head that’s filled with silly little airs Will never get a blessing from sermon or from prayers. Fixe Vents, “ Well, my boy,” said John’s em ployer, holding out his hand for the change, “ did you get what I sent you for?” “Yes, sir,” said John; “and here is the change, but I don’t understand it. The lemons cost 28 cents, and there ought to be 22 cents change, and there’s only 17.” “ Perhaps I made a mistake in giving you the money ?” “ No, sir; I counted it jover in the hall, to be sure it was all right.” “Then, perhaps, the clerk made . mistake in giving yon change ?” But John shook his Head : " Ko, sir ; h counted that, too. Father said we must always count our change before we leave a store.” “ Then how in the world do you ac count for the missing 5 cents ? How do you expect me to behove such a queer story as that ?” John’s cheeks were red, but his voice was firm : “I don’t account for it, sir; I can’t. All I know is that it is so.” “ Well, it is worth a good deal in this world to be sure of that. How do you ccount for that 5-cent piece that is hid :ug inside your coat-sleeve ?” John looked down quickly and caught (he gleaming bit with a little cry of pleasure. “ Here you are ?” he said. “Now it is all right. I couldn’t imag ine what had become of that 5-cent piece. I knew I had it when I started from the store.” “ There are two or three things that I know now,” Mr. Brown said, with a sat isfied air. “I know you have been taught to count your money in coming and going, and to tell the exact truth, whether it sounds well or not—three important things in an errand boy. I think I’ll try you, young man, without looking any further.” At this John’s cheeks grew redder than ever. He looked down and np, and finally he said, in a low voice : “I think I ought to tell you that I wanted tho place so badly I almost made up my mind to say nothing about the eliange if you didn’t ask me.” “ Exactly,” said Mr. Brown, “and if you had done it you would have lost the situation; that is all. I need a boy about me who can he honest over 5 cents, whether he is asked questions or nob” tTack-in-tlic-Box, There had been at least three in the family before this one, which was des tined to be the greatest fun of all. This was Nan’s. The first ones had all belonged to Johnny, and he used to laugh heartily when he was a very little fellow to see how he could frighten great big men with a Jack-in-the-box. One man, a peddler, who was sitting in the kitchen, tumbled clear over on the floor when Johnny suddenly let Jack pop out at him. Uncle Edward threw his arms up into the air, and grandpa dodged away into a corner whenever Jolmny ran up to them with that terrible little man in the box. But the fourth Jack-in-the-box was Nan’s, and she kept it popping back and forth so constantly that in a day or two it popped clear out of the box on the floor. Then it was more fun than before, for Nan would catch him, put him back in the box, and shut him up tight, and then suddenly touch the lid, when he would jump maybe half across the room as briskly as if he were alive, and looking so comical with his red face and staring eyes. At last Nan broke the box. which spoiled that part of the play, but John ny in a day or so invented anew way to use the little man. who was now to be BUENA VISTA, MARION COUNTY. GA.. SATURDAY, MARCH ‘>6, ISBI. an ogre, if yon know what dreadful thing that is. First Johnny and Nan would build a tall, strong tower of blocks, with just a little low door at the bottom. This was to boa prison for the ogre, whom they then bravely sought out and captured, and, pressing him down close to tho floor, they pushed him through I he low tower door. As soon as ho was in, and their hands wore off, he would spring up to liis full height inside the tower, and peer at them wildiy through a crack, but he couldn’t got out, oh, no ! It was such fun to play ogre that tho ohilclifon did not tiro of It foi a great while, but there oame a timo when the poor little Jack who hadn’t any box lay forlorn and neglected among a lot of old toys. Cousin Ted came in one day and spied him there. It is a long lane that has no turning, oven for a broken Jack-in- the box, and now there was to be more fun than ever with him. “Pass him up here, Johnny,” said Ted, who at the same moment unfolded a handkerchief, and drew a book toward himself. 1 * What arc you going to do with him ?” asked Johnny, wonderingly, as ho obeyed orders, and Nan left all her dolls to run and see what was going on. Cousin Ted put Jack on his middle linger, and dressed two of his other lingers in the handkerchief, and then heicl the book at a proper height before them. The effect was that of an irresistibly droll-faced man making a speech over a desk. This is the speech he made, with great noddings of his head and great wavings of his hands : Suppose the trees were all cheese, The seas were all ink. It’s enough to m&ke an old man shake, And scratch his head and sink! With the last word down ho sank out of sight behind the book. It was so funny that Johnny and Nan fairly danced up and down, and laughed so hard that papa and mamma came hur rying in, and then, of course, they had to laugh, tom SIXTEEN vhIDDREM AT ONE BIRTH. A man in Illinois, having sent to a Washington journal a photograph of five of liis children who were born on the same day, assorting that “no other man can show a picture of five,” the news paper quiets him with the following statistics: “Instances have been found where chihjren to the number of six, seven, eighty-nine and sometimes sixteen have been brought forth at one birth. The wife of Emanuel Gago, a laborer near Valladolid, was delivered the 14th of June, 1799, of five girls. The celebra ted Tarsin was brought to bed in the seventh month, at Argenteuil, near Paris, 17th of July, 1779, of three boys, each fourteen and a half inches long, and a girl, thirteen inches. They were all baptized, but did not live over twen ty-four hours. In Juno, 1799, one Maria Ruiz, of Lncena, in Andalusia, was successively delivered of sixteen boys, without any girls. Seven of them were alive on the 16th of August follow ing. In 1535 a Muscovite peasant named James Kyrloff and his wife were presented to the Empress of Russia. This peasant had been twice married, and was then 70 years of age. His first wife was brought to bed twenty-one times, namely, four times of four chil dren each time, seven times of three, and ten times of two, making in all fif ty-seven children who were then alive. His second wife, who accompanied him, had been delivered seven times—once of three children, and six times of twins. Thus ho had seventy-two children by his two marriages. ” APHORISMS. Arb we not formed, as notes of music are, For one another, though dissimilar ? Newspapers are teachers of disjointed thinking. — Dr. Hush. Listen to conscience more than to in tellect.—F. W. Robertson. Falsehood may have its hour, but it has no future.— Pressence. The symbols of the invisible are the loveliest of what is visible.— Byron. Life is so short that it is the worst of stupidities to waste an hour of it.—Gus tave Dore. It is a great misfortune not to have ait enough to speak well, or not enough judgment to keep silent — La Bruyere. Persons their own faces, and it’s no more my fault if mino is a good one that it is other people’s fault if theirs is a bad one.— Dickens. No man is born into the world whose work Is not born with him; there is always work, And tools to work withal, for those who will, And blessed are the horny hands of toil. — Lowell. With malice toward none, with charity for all, with firmness in the right, as God gives us to see the right, let us strive to finish the work we have begun. —Lincoln. A touno fellow in lowa City objected to paying a Justice $2 as a marriage fee, and walked off with his girl to find some body who would perform the ceremony for §1.50. That chap had what Dr. Collyer would call “clear grit,” Devoted to tho Interests of Marion County and Adjoining Sections HOW INDIANS HETURM CALLS. A party of Sioux Indians vrero guests at a leading Milwaukee hotel, says Peck's Sun, and the ladies had a great dual of amusement with then, studying their customs. That is, they ,J 1 did ex cept one lady. The ladies called upon tho Indians and the savages returned tho calls almost beforo the ladks got to their rooms. One lady cailed on a chief, and then wont to her rojin and retired, and pretty soon tb are was a knock at her door, and she t< and that it was tho chief. She told liii. to tome in the morning. Tho lady nnlooks her door in tho morning so th ter can come in and build a lie# beforo she gets np. She heard a knock in the morning, and supposing it was the porter, she said. “ Come in.” The door openedaud in walked Mr. Indian. She took one look at him and pulled the bed clothes over her head. He sat down on the side of tho bed and said “ How 1” Well, she was so scared that she didn’t know “ How” from Adam. She said to him in the best Sioux that she could com mand, “Please, good Mr. Indian, go away, until I got up,” but he didn’t seem to he in a hurry. He picked np pieces of her wearing apparel from tho floor, different articles that ho didn’t seem to know anything aboutwhere they were worn, and made comments on them in the Sioux tongue. Tho stockings seemed to paralyze his untutored mind the most. They were theso long, 90 de grees in the shade stockings, and they were too much for his feeble intellect. Ho held them up by tho toes and said “ Ugh!” The lady trembled and wished ho would go away. He seemed to take great delight in examining the hair on tho bureau, and looked at tho lady as much as to say, “ Poor girl, some hostile tribe has made war on the pale face and taken many scalps.” Ho critically ex amined all the crockery, the wash bowl and pitcher, but he was struck the worst at a corset that he found on a chair. He tried to put it on himself, and was so handy about it that it occurred to the lady that ho was not so fresh a delegate as ho seemed to be. Finally she hap pened to think of the bell, and she rung it as though the house was on fire, and pretty soon the porter came and invited the Indian to go down stairs and take a drink. The lady locked that door too quick, and she will never leave it open again when there are Indians in town. She says her hair, on the bureau, fairly turned gray from fright. A GOOD REPORTER. An exchange remarks : “ A good re porter is always first cousin to a necro mancer, and can introduce himself to you in such a genial way that, for the time being, he seems like y(>ur long-lost brother, who is anxious to show you the strawberry-mark on liis left ann in proof of his identity. Yon talk with him about the inner secrets of your life in a profuse sort of way, give him your opinion about the resumption of specie payment, and, as the conversation flows, freely unfold yourself on various other matters. He sits a silent and admiring listener, encouraging you by a nod when you are hunting for the right word, or possibly supplying it himself, and gives you the impression that he jvouldn’t dis close what you have told fcirn —no, not for worlds on worlds. The next day yon take up the paper, and, while carelessly looking over its columns, s<jo yotir own name in capitals which seeija to your as tonished gaze as long as Bunker Hill Monument. Every word, you have said is there. That man with the strawberry mark on his arm was the small end of a speaking trumpet through which you unconsciously told the whole world all about yourself. He had no pencil or paper, and didn’t evince any desire to write in shorthand. Oh, no; that is the clumsy way in which beginners work. His skill is not in his finger-tips, but in his memory. He memorized every word you said, and reproduced it with perfect accuracy. The accom plished reporter is as nearly übiquitous as a merely human being ever becomes, and is beginning to be regarded as a moral restraint in many respects superior to the Decalogue. A man in the olden time might possibly break the Decalogue and hide the pieces, but nowadays the moment a law is broken the quick ear of the reporter catches the sound, and his persuasive lips compel you to tell him all about it. He is an annimated interrogation point; a human corkscrew, who gets a deeper hold on your secret every time he turns round. His mission is summed up in the short, but terrible, sentence, ‘ If you do it. I’ll tell. ’ ” A New York millionaire was riding on Fifth avenue at a rapid speed, when an important part of the harness gave way. His brains might have been dashed upon the pavement had not a brave newsboy grasped the horse by the bit before it became entirely unmanageable. The millionaire sat in his SSOO side-bar wagon, and, pulling out his SI,OOO watch, told the newsboy he was “too blank slow to deserve anything,” but, as he drew up the reins over the $4,000 horse, threw him a 10-eent pieoe. The boy resumed his career of wanton extrava gance, while the frugal millionaire drove on to Central Park HIED or WATER OM THE UR AIM I guess none o’ you toilers ever heard o’ the winter o’ 1776, or you’d koep a lectio mum on the weather question,” said the old settler, who had come down from Wuyne county for a little visit. “I’ve knowed some snortin’ old winters in my time, but my grandfather’s experi ence in the winter of ’76 beats anything o’ mine. “ My gran’fathor were a great hunter an’ Irijin killer. Ho fit in the Revylu tion, all Tong tho Dol’war valley. The winter o’ ’76 was ter’ble cold. Ev’ry tliing in these parts was friz up tighter’n a snaro drum. On one o’ the coldest days my gran’hither sernck the track o’ some Injins on (lie lulls jest above here. He fullered ’em, an’ killed a couple on ’em, an’ then started back over the ridge fur his cabin. My gran’father lived to be 100 years old, an’ to his dyin’ day he stuck to it that what I’m goin’ to tell you were ez true ez preaohin’, an’ I b’lieve it. He started back fur his cabin over the ridge. He hadn’ gone fur when he shot a wolf. He hadn’t much more’n fired liis ole flintlock when he heerd n yell off to tho left, an’ lookin’ that way see a big painter cornin’ for him. Paint ers was a picnic for the old man, an’ ho rammed down a big charge o’ powder an’ reached fur his bullet pouch, when lo an’ behold ye lit were gond. He lost it somowhor in the woods. Fightin’ painters without bullets wan’t so much of a picnic. Besides, the old man had got cold while standin’ thar, an’ he didn’t care to tackle an able-bodied painter while his hands was all stiff. The paint er come a creepin’ up with his fangs a showin’ an’ his jaws redder’n a round o’ beef an’ his tail a switchin’ like a cow’s in fly-time. Cold ez it were, my gran’- father said the sweat started out on his forrid an’ rolled down his cheeks big ger’n hoss ches’nuts. They dropped on the ground in big balls, fur they friz ez fast ez they fell. They piled up at his feet, an’ tho painter kep’ a creepin’ up. Suddintly an idea hit my gran’father plumb in the top-knot. He grabbed up a han’ful o’ the sweat ez were friz in balls an’ poured ’em in his muskit. “ ‘lf I kin git these in on that painter ’fore they melt,’ he thinks to bisself, ‘ mebbe they’ll settle his hash. ’ ‘ ‘ After crammin" the sweat o’ his brow in the mnsitit, my gran’father blazed away. But the heat o’ the gun-bar’l had melted the ice-balls, an’ they went out’n the gun like a stream o’ water out’n a hose. But the cold weather won’t fool in’ round there for nothin’, an’ ’fore the stream o’ water had gone three foot it was friz inter a solid chunk, an’ went kerplinkerty inter the painter’s skull. But my gran’father said he owed liis life to natur arter all, fur the chargo o’ ice never would a made the painter give up the ghost, an’ it never would had no effect on him at all only there wasn’t force ’nough to drive it clean through his head. That saved my gran’father from a chawin’. The chunk o’ ice stopped in the skulk The animal heat melted it, an’ ’fore the painter could re cooperate an’ git his work in on the old man ho died of water on the brain. I was alius sorry my gran’father didn’t have that painter stuffed an’ handed down to the family,” concluded the old 6etiler, as he adjourned with the boys for refreshments. BLACK WALNUT FOR TIMBER. The growing demand for black walnut for timber, together with the acknowl edged scarcity of this wood, opens a road to profitable planting. There are so many uses to which walnut wood is being put, such as its use by sewing machine and furniture manufacturers, that there could hardly be an over sup ply. No doubt many persons have fields from which but little profit now comes and on which the walnut could be successfully grown. The nnts of this ! tree grow easily, and conld thus be planted where the tree is wanted. Usu ally, seedling trees have first to be raised in a bed, and then transplanted when a year or two old. But, if the nuts of walnut be sound, they sprout easily, and one to a hill, so to speak, will be sufficient. Walnut trees grow very fast] and, when planted in rich ground, make large trees, bearing nuts, in eight or ten years. Ground should not be allowed to remain idle. Be it ever so poor, there is some profit to be got out of it by ju dicious planting of trees. THE DIFFERENCE IN PCTTINO ON SKATES. A pretty girl, with a handsome little foot attached to a fat, plump ankle, can, if she wants to, put on a pair of skates in less than two minutes. We could put new harness on twenty-seven young unbroken mules while some young men are engaged in putting the skates upon the “ tootsy-tootsys ” of a pretty girl, and the prettier the girl the longer these young men are in applying the runners to their feet. If she likes the young man, you can bet your ear-muffs she ain’t in a hurry to be np and off. Catch a girl with a pair of hoofs hung to her as big as a pair of canvased hams, and you bet she can either put on her own skates, or the fellow that does it for her is in a big hurry.— Exchange, AViCUNT OF SUBSCRIPTION, $1.26 MOW A rENNISSSEE WOMAN SATIS rum unit conscience. I hiring the war n good and conscien t iouH woman went into a Tennessee city to make some purchases. The place was then in the possession of the Fed eral soldiers. Tli a lady in question had no trouble getting into the city, but get ting out was quite a different matter. She was halted by the pickets, who de manded her pass. She had none, and was told to return to the Provost Mar shal’s office and provide herself with the necessary document. Here she likewise bad trouble. The Marshal asked her name and, after some conversation with tier, that, oho rrtun a considera ble rebel in her sentiments and feelings. She was informed that she could not get a pass without taking the oath. This she vowed sho would not do. The offi cer very promptly told her that she could take the oath or remain in the city. She stood to it for several hours that she would not take the oath ; but, as the day wore on and she thought of the lit tle ones at home, she began to relent, and said she would take the oath if al lowed to visit a drug store and get some tiling to appease her conscience. The officers thought she meditated suicide, and a guard was sent to watch her move ments. She asked the druggist for a good big dose of ipecac. It was meas ured out to her, and, armed with tliis, she returned to the Provost Marshal’s office, and stated that for the sake of her children she was willing to swallow that oath; and, exhibiting her dose of ipe cac, sho added, “I guess when I get out of this town I will be able to fetch it off my conscience.” She swallowed the oath, and it is said that she sent the ip ecac close after it with a search-warrant. About the time she reached the picket station on the outskirts of the city, she received a message from the ipecac to the effect that its return might be looked for at any moment. Shortly afterward it arrived, and, when the returns were all counted, the woman was fully satis fied that no lingering trace of the oath, or anything else, as for that matter, had been left in the neighborhood which the ipecac had visited. She was also satis fied with the experiment, and was as bold a little rebel as sho had been be fore.—Clarksville Tobacco Leaf, nxr wine. A mild curiosity might be excited, possibly, over the question as to how many occasional, or even habitual, wine drinkers know’ the meaning of the word “ dry” as applied to wines. Asa rule, it would seem to be much more justly applicable to a man himself than to any thing in the bottle or glass before him. It is strictly a “trade term,” but it has a sufficiently distinct and definite meaning. When a wine has been permitted to continue the process of its fermentation until it has converted all of its natural sugar into spirit, and has properly de veloped all of its natural acid, it becomes, technically, a “dry wine.” When, however, a wine has been at all sweetened, or has had its natural fer mentation arrested by the addition of spirit, it is not a dry wine. As applied to champagne of any brand whatever, the term “ diy ” is a practical “misnomer,” for there are no cham pagne wines in existence to which more or less of “rock candy” has not been added in the making. The only difference, for instance, be tween a “dry” and an “extra ary" champagne is in the amount of liqueur which has been added to the grape juice. For the finest brands, the French make a liqueur of brandy and rock candy, and in most cases they also add a delicate flavoring extract. These tilings may indeed promote “dryness ” in the drinker, but they dp not increase the amount of natural acid in the wine itself. — Dewey’s Wine Journal. A LECTURE ON ASTRONOMY. At a school near London, the learned master was lately giving a lecture on as tronomy, and, after alluding to the rep resentation of the world on the shoul ders of Atlas, asked the class generally on what Atlas stood. One replied, aB the world was made out of chaos, he must stand on chaos ; another conject ured, on a rock ; when a lad from Car diff, at the bottom of the class, ex claimed, “I know, sir.” “Indeed!” replied the doctor; “ pray tell us on what you think he stood.” “I know,’ answered the boy, “ but it is not my turn yet.” When the question passed to him, the whole class was on tiptoe to hear the young Welshman’s idea; when, with an air of consequence, he ex claimed, “On his legs, to be sure I On what else could he stand ? ” In golden days the JBurgesses of Grimsby w’ere won’t to decide which among them should be Mayor by a very odd process. Having chosen three of their number as eligible for the position, they blinded them, tied bunohes of hay at their backs, and conducted them to the common pound, where a call await ed their coming. He whose bunch of hay was first eaten by the calf was pro nounced worthy of the Mayoralty, and installed into office accordingly. NO. 29. TOILET RECIPES. To Remove Pimples, —Two ounces of bi-earbonato of soda, one drachm of glycerine, one ounce of spermaceti oint ment. Face Wash. —Two grains of bi-chlo ride of mercury, two grains of muriate of ammonia, eight ounces of emulsion of almonds. Cam op the Naha— Brush them carefully at least once a day, according to one’s work, poshing book the flesh from the nail, thus avoiding hang-nails. Under no circumstances bito them, but trim with either scissors or penknife. Do not out the nails shorter than tho fingers, or both wLI soon have a stubby appearance; and clean them with a blunt, not sharp, point. Pubiktino the BHEATH.— FouI breath is usually caused by an unhealthy state of the stomach or poor teeth. If caused by the first, the physician should bo called upon ; if the latter, apply to the dentist. If from neither, take ohlorate of lime, seven drachms; gum arable, five drachms; to be mixed with warm water to a stiff paste, rolled and cut into lozenges. These will arrest decay in the teeth and neutralize acidity of tho stomach, and will also remove all trace of tobacco from tho breath. Case op the Teeth. —They should be brushed carefully after each meal, and particularly after supper just before go ing to bed, as what particles as may be left on the teeth after eating very soon destroy them. Brushing the teeth onoe a day with pure white castile soap will keep them clean and white. If you can not remove tho tartar that may accumu late by the use of a brush, take pow dered pumice stone, and, with a small stick made into a fine brush at the end, nib the teeth carefully with the pumice stone. Once a month will do for this, because, if practiced too often, it is apt to destroy the enamel. Restoring the Colob op the Hath.— When the hair loses oolor, it may be re stored by bathing the head in a weak solution of ammonia—an even teaspoon ful of carbonate of ammonia to a quart of water —washing the head with a crash mitten and brushing the hair thoroughly while wet. Bathing the head in a strong solution of rock salt is said to restore gray hair in some cases. Pour boiling water on rock salt in the proportion of two heaping table-spoonfuls to a quart of water and let it stand before using. Ammonia, if nsed too often, makes the hair lighter, and, if in a strong solution, burns and splits the hair. HUMAN NOSES. A writer in one of the English news papers says: Francis Grose, in his ap pendix to Hogarth’s “Elements of Beauty,” delineates eight typical noses. There is the angular, the aquiline or Roman, the parrot’s beak, the straight or Grecian, the bulbous or bottled, the tumed-up or snub, and the mixed or broken. Of the latter, by the way, the noses of at least two illustrious men may be token as illustrations—Tycho Brahe and Michael Angelo, the latter of whom owed his ungraceful appendix to a vio lent blow from a companion with whom he was at variance, and who thus disfig ured the great artist for life, and in stantly fled. To these may be added the orator Cicero, upon whom nature seems to have bestowed a nasal organ of a type decidedly “mixed,” if not broken. Plutarch, in his life of the querulous Roman, says that he had a fiat excres cence on the top of his nose in resem blance of a vetch— ciccr in Latin—from which he took his surname. Pliny says, with more probability, that the name originated in an extensive cultivation of vetches, just as others had previously l>een sumamed from crops of other kinds. However this may be, the fact of Cicero’s snub nose may no doubt be accepted, and it accords with the tradi tional belief that this description of nose is usually indicative of a fiery, quick, impetuous temper, Cicero having possessed this characteristic in a marked degree. Horace seems to regard the short nose, with a little turn-up at the end, as the mark of a person given a good deal to jibing and jeering. Mar tial calls it the rhinoceros nose, and says that it was highly fashionable in his day, every laxly affecting this kind of proboscis as an indication of a satirical humor. The “angular” nose, as Grose calls it, is the long, clear ly cut, pointed organ, and was, no doubt, the type to which Horace alludes when he says it is indicative of satirical wit. The “parrot peak” is the nose with which Mr. Punch usually adorns his caricature of the Sultan or Khedive and is akin to the typical Jewish nose all over the world. The eight types given embrace every description of the feature, and students of caricature are Btrongly recommended in the treatise al luded to make themselves perfectly fa miliar with the simple lines by which these curiously comprehensive sketches are effected. Avery singular fact has been observed with regard not so much to the shape of the nose as to the setting of it in the face, so to speak. To be strictly correct, from the artist’s point of view, the nose should be accurately in the middle of the face and at right angles with line from the pupil of one eye to that of the other. Asa matter of fact, it is rarely ever found thus placed. It is almost Invariably a little out of “the square,” and the fact of it being so is often that which lend* a peculiar expression and piquancy to the face. A medical writer points out that there are anatomical reasons why a slight deviation from tho true centra) line may be expected, and that the nos* which is thus accurately straight be tween the two eyes may be considered an abnormal one and that the only ab solutely correct organ is that which deviates a little to the right oi left