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The forest news. (Jefferson, Jackson County, Ga.) 1875-1881, June 12, 1875, Image 1

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BY THE .TACKSON COUNTY ) PUBLISHING COMPANY. \ VOLUME I. IT HUSHED EVERY SATURDAY, [By thn Jark(*N ( onntj 4 om|mny. JEFFERSON, JACKSON 6A. Office, Northwest corner I‘ublic S<pmrc, f r ' MALCOM STAFFORD, f MANAGING AND BUSINESS EDITOR. TERMS OF SUBSCRIPTION. copy 12 months $2.00 | “ “ o “ 1.00 I•• “ ;j “ 50 Vhih of live subscribers, per annum 8.50 | “ ten “ “ “ 15.00 RITES OF ADVERTISING. One Oom.AH per square (often lines or less) for the first insertion, ami Seventy-five Cents Mor <arh subsequent insertion. •bT All A Overtiseinenta sent without specifica tion of the number of insertions marked thereon, will be published TILL. FORBID, and charged accordingly. Ice;" Hn.sine.ss or Professional Cards, of si x lines or less. Seven Dollars per annum; and where th y do not exceed ton lines, Ten Dollars. t'oiifraef Ailverfi^ing. The following will he the regular rates for con tract advertising, and will be strictly adhered to m all cases : >* Rl! A ICfcS. * One >1 (Ml $2 50 s(> 00 $0 00 sl2 00 Two 200 550 II 00 17 <M) *22 <HI Three 3 0.1 (i 75 Mi 00 21 00 30 (Hi Pour 1 00 0 50 fS 75 25 (MI 30 (Mi Five 500 10 25 21 50 20(H) 12 (M) Six <! 00 | (MI 21 25 33 (Ml IS (MI Twelve II (MI *2l 75 10 00 55 00 SI (Ml Eighteen. .. 15 (Ml 31 50 51 50 75 50 100 <M) Twcnfytwo 17 (MI 31 (Ml 0(1 (Ml '.MI (Ml 125 Oil *oV"A si/uarc is one inch, or alwiiit limi words of the type used in our advertising columns. Marriage and ohifumy notices not exceeding ten Lucs, will be published free; but for all over*-ten hues, regular advertising rates will be charged. Transient advertisements and announcing can didates for office H ill he (' AS 11. Address all oiiimunicatioii.s for publication and nil U tters on business to MALCOM STAFFORD, Minxitjin< i/ and Uuxiness Editor. (Souiitji mu! (lohmi J)im'tori|. JACKSON SVFEEIOR COVET. Hon. GKO. D. KICK, - - - Ju.lge. MOKT Si’KKftt, K*q., - - Sol. Gcn'l. COV STY OF El C EES. ILK V (). 11 (* \\ Alii), - - - - Ordinary. THUS. 11. NIRLACK, - - - Clerk S. Court. JOHN S. HUNTER, - - - ... ,Sheriff \\ INN A. WORSH AM, - - - Deputy “ Id K 3. JOHNSON Treasurer. JAMES!,. WILLIAMSON, - - Tax Collector. GKO. W. BROWN, ----:** Rereiver. .1 AMKSL. J( 111 NSON, - - County Survey nr. >V M.'W A I.LACK, - - - Coroner. (•. J. N. \\ ! LSI IN. County School Commiss'r. Commission kks(Roads and Lev km i:.)-Wm. Seymour, W. J. I lay I lie, W. 0. Steed. Meet on the Ist Fridays in August and November. T. 11. Niblaek, Fs.j., Clerk. M / MCI FA L OFF! ('FES, J FFFEESOX. Dr. 11. J. I.ONO, - Mayor. JOHN SIMPKINS, - - Clerk & Irens. .IAS. A. It. M All AKFKV, Town Attornev. JOHN M. IMiKNS, - Marshal. Aldermen. James K. Randolph, George W. Stanley, John W. Glenn, Joseph P. Williamson. V.f CJSTEA TES A .XI) EMU EES. Jefferson District, No. 215, N. If. Pendergrass, J. P.; 11. T. Fleeman, .1. P. John M. Burns, I ’unstable. (darkesboroligh District, No. 212, F. M. llolli dar, J. P.; M. ft. Smith, J. P. Miller’s District. No. 155, H. F. Kidd, J. P. ( handler’s District, No. 21(, Ezekiel llewitt, J. P. ; J. G. Burson, J. P. Randolph's District, No. 2IS Pinckney I*. Puklo, J. P. Cunp’Tigham's Distriet, No. 428, J. A. Brazle ton, J. P.; T. K. Randolph, J. P. Newtown District, No. 253, (L W. O’Kelly*, J. P. Minnish’s District, No. 255, VV. Hood, J. P. Harrisburg Distriet, No. 257, Win. Al. Morgan, J. P. House’s District, No. 213, A. A. Hill, J. P. Santafee District, No. 1012, W. U. Boyd, J. P. S. (J. Arnold, J. P. Wilson’s District, No. 405, W. J. Comer, J. P. FRA TERN A h El HECTOR V. l iuty Lodge, No. 30, F. A. AL, meets Ist Tues day night in each month. 11. W. licit, W. Al. ; John Simpkins, Sec'y. Love lodge. No. 05, T. O. O. F.. meets on 2d and 4th Tuesday nights in each month. J. IV, Sil inan, N. (i.; G. J. N. Wilson, Sec'y. Stonewall I .edge. No. 214, 1.(1. (i. TANARUS., meets on Sat onlay night before 2d and 4th Sundays in each month. J. P. Williamson, Sr., VV. C. TANARUS.: J. B. Pendergrass, W. R. S. Jefferson Grange, No. 488, P. of 11., meets on Safunlay Indore fill Sunday m each month. Jas. K. Randolph, A!.; (5. .1. N. Wilsyn, Sec’y. Relief (eolored) Fire Company. No. 2, meets on lib Tuesday night in each month, lleury Long, Captain; Neil Burns, Sec'y. COUNTY CHURCH lUEECTOEY. M KT HOI > I ST. .hjfns on Circuit. —Jefferson, Harmony (irove. Dry Fond. Wilson's, Holly Springs. \Y. A. Far ris, I*. (I. jtfvlherry ('irmit. —ELonezor. Bethlehem, Con (or*l. Centre and Pleasant (irove, Lebanon. A. L. Anderson, P. C. Chapel and Antioch supplied from Watkins v ille Circuit. I‘KERRY TER! AX. f rival ira. Rev. (.’. li. Carl ledge. Pastor; Sandy Creek, Rev. Neil Smith, Pastor; Pleasant < irove, Bey. (J. 11. Cartlcdge, Pastor; Mizpah, Rev. Neil Smith, Pastor. BAPTIST. Cabin Creek, W. R. Goss, Pastor; Harmony * irove, W. B. J. Hank-man. Pastor; /ion. Rev. VN.II. Bridges, Pastor: Belhabra. Rev. J. .Al. Uv s. Pastor; Academy. Rev. J. N. Coil. Pastor ; 'Hunt, Rev. , i’. M. Davis. Pastor; t’rooked "> h, w . Stark. Pastor; Oconee Church, Rev. \ o’ K V I, ”y> Pastor; Poplar Springs, Rev. W. lock, Pastor; Randier ’a Creek, W. F. Stark, P , I’ROTt; TANT METHODIST. ■ - Rw. R s, McGarrity, l a -toi The 1*001)10 their own Rulers; Advancement in Education, Science, Agriculture and Southern Manufactures. Uie ,] bets (Eonn’t. “Sho who Rocks (he Cradle Rules the World.” Dear woman, in the dream of life, Adorned with every winning .art; As mother, daughter, sister, wife. She melts the soul, she charms the heart. AVithoiit her, what were lordly man? A rainless cloud—a fruitless tree— A world w iyhout a sun—a plan That ever incomplete must he, Her fost’ring care, devotion, love. Seem inspirations from above. In childhood’s hour, beside her chair She calls the fragile form ; She clasps her tiny hands in prayer, Safe sheltered from the storm. Yet man, ungrateful man the dart Of falsehood hurls with skill; And when he’s won a woman's heart He seeks its love to kill. Hef lot is to lie tried ; though pure, To sigh, to suffer and endure. Oh, mothers of a race unborn, ’Tis yours to speak those grand decrees That herald in the promised morn, 'flic waiting world’s Hesperidcs f Ye are the moulds of herald's strong, Who guard an<l glorify* our isles; The seas in song shall roll along Beneath the splendor of your smiles, The beautiful and good shall reign, Aml sinless Kdcn bloom again. JtliscclTuiicons JTletHq|. ALAMANCE. V DETAILED AfTOI’NT OF THE FIRST BATTLE OF Tin: REVOLUTION. 'Flic first blood shed in a conflict between the Colonist,s and flic Kind's troops was at tin* battle of Alamance, in North (’arolina. on the Kith of May, 1771. On the 2 Hit of April of 1 hat year, (Governor Tyron niarehed from llie town of Newborn with about three hun dred men and a small t rain of artillery. On Hie 51 and Ith of May he was strengthened by detachments which met, him on the way, and by a troop of light horse, until the force under his command exceeded a thousand •non. On the 1.5t,h of May he approached the ‘amp of the Regulators at Alamance Creek, n the county of that name. The story of hat battle is well worth repeating. When I’yron had reached the vicinity of Alamance < 'rock, the Regulators sent a message to him demanding a redress of their grievances, and oid giving him four hours to reply. They complained of exorbitant, fees exacted by of. fiecrs of tin- Crown, and particularly* on deeds oid testations o'sale? of landed property.,— Until these fees were reduced, the poll fax of •;wo dollars abolished, and official embezzle ment prevented and punished, they declared they would pay no taxes. 'They insisted on their right to enjoy the privileges and liber ties of their ancestors under the (’nnsfifufioii framed by them, and their determination to maintain if on its ancient foundation, so that it might, stand firm and unshaken. Ile promis ed to send an answer by noon the following day. In the meantime lie sent out two per sons—Ashe and Walker to find out the posi tion occupied by the Regulators. They were captured by the latter, tied to trees, severely whipped and held as prisoners. When the messenger, promised by Tyron, reached the camp of the Regulators, instead of making any concessions to them, he demanded their submission, and gave them one hour to con sider. Their answer was, ‘’Goback to Billy Tyron and say we defy him.” On the ratum of the messenger the army marched to within three hundred yards of the Regulators’ camp, and there halted. The Regulators advanced also, in order of battle, to a short reach of the road, where they halt ed, waving their hats as a challenge to their opponents. Gov. Tyron now sent a magis trate and an officer w ith a proclamation com manding the insurgents to disperse within one hour; but they refused to listen to him, crying out, ’’Battle, battle !” On the return of the magistrate, the Governor, understand ing that the Regulators proposed to put Ashe and Walker in front, of their lines, sent a message that he should keep the prisoners he had taken in a place of safety, he hoped the same care would be taken of those gentlemen. To this they returned no direct answer, but ottered to surrender the two prisoners if the Governor would surrender those he had taken, seven in numlier. 'The proposition of so un equal an exchange, implying a concession on the part of the Governor, was at first reject ed ; but afterwards, at the solicitation of his men. who were apprehensive of the treatment "t hese two persons' might receive, he agreed to the exchange. The enemy being tardy in their compliance, and the army complaining of the extreme heat of the sun and manifest ing great impatience to advance, it was thought advisable to lead them on. They marched in profound silence till the lines of both parties met. almost breast to breast.— The Governor forbade his men to lire until he ordered them. The troops in the first rank were almost mixed with those of the van-guard of the ene my stationed a little before the main Ihrlv, and who now began to retire upon it, shout ing defiance and daring their op|>onenfs to advance. The army kept on till within twen ty-five yards of them, and then halted. The Regulators cont inued to call on the Governor to order his men to lire, several of them ad vancing toward the artillery, opening their breasts and defying them to begin. As Ty rou still hesitated, they fell back slowly to a fine defensive position, leaving the Governor and his troops open to their tire, whilst most of them were secure from his. Another parley ensued. An Adjutant was sent forward to say if they did not directly lay down their arms they should be fired on. That order the Governor then gave, but it was not immedi ately obeyed ; whcronjion, rising in las stir rups and turning to his men. he called out, “Fire oil them, or on me.” Tho action now began., and aluio.T instantly became general. The ins id i ut . pur uing the Indian mode JEFFERSON, JACKSON COUNTY, GA., JUNE 12, 1875. of fight ing, did considerable injury to the King’s troops, who would have been defeated, but for the excellent service done by the ar tillery, which the Regulators, being ivxnlj* armed, were unable to capture. Neverthe less, with the odds against them, they fought desperately for more than an hour, and did not take to flight until all their ammunition was expended. It is our duty .to do honor to these men. Disdaining to live under a tyrannical gov ernment, many of those who survived the bat tle of Alamance crossed the mountains into Tennessee, opened new settlements there, and on the 4t h of October, 1780, formed part of the gallant band that fought the memorable battle of King's Mountain. — Baltimore Ga zette. “Worth Thinking About.” Tt, is a fact worth thinking alioutthat in t he next Congress there are eighty -two rebel sol diers and only tWcnty-fivc Union ones.”— Louis a ille Commercial, and " loyal'' ncwsjKi pers generally. It is also a fact worth thinking alxnit—one, too, that proclaims itself from all the house tops—that the people are sick and tired of being taxed to the point of confiscation by the so-called “loyal” Union legislators,both State and National. It is another fact worth think ing about, that the people are tired out of all patience with seeing the Constitution violated and their liberties trampled under foot by men who, having “saved the Union” ten years ago, have ever since been doing their level best, to bankrupt and Mexieaui/.c the whole country, as they did actually succeed in Africanizing and making a Roland of one half of it. In a word, the people have suffer ed so much during the last decade in mind, pocket, and general estate, by these “truly loyal” fellows, who esteem i! their peculiar privilege to violate the Constitution and the laws whenever they st and in the way of their corrupt schemes, that they determined last, fall to turn them adrift and put in their places those eighty-two honest rebel soldiers •>f the South, of whom, whatever else may be said against them, it was never charged that they would steal, or violate their oaths to support the Constitution. Indeed, there is the highest Republican au thority Ibr saying that these honest “rebel soldiers” and Southerners were badly wanted back at Washington years before any con siderable number of them were permitted to find their way back there. As far back as 18(17, a leading Republican Senator from New England—afterwards, we believe, a minister to a Kuropean Court—gave emphatic utter ance to this want in a conversation with I ’resident Johnson, lie said : “Those fiery, hot-headed rebels and secessionists were al ways Inmost—always strict constructionists >1 the Constitution. Nobody ever accused them of stealing. They were just as far from robbing Uncle Sam a ? they were from steal ing from one another; and r, for one, want t hem back here in order to put a stop to this wholesale public stealing that has been going >n in every department, of the Government ever since the war broke out. By the Et ernal! sir, we must have them back here pretty six in, ir it will not be long before Uncle Sam is robbed of his last dollar of money, and his last acre of land.”— Kent why Yeoman. The Country Press. It is a fact that you can reach the countr\ trade and public much cheaper and far more effectually by advertising in the standard pa pers of the country than by any other imams. Hie money invested in expensive cards and costly circulars is capital sunk, and we enter tain seriousdoubts of any one ever having scoured a customer by the new tangled give aways, or glittering gewgaws, so lavishly dis tributed by tlashy tradesmen. The old established weekly newspaper is after all the most advantageous medium for the city dealer to reach t he country customer : it is read from the topmost line in the left hand corner of its title page to the end letter ot the final word on the last page, and —entertaining the highest appreciation of the country editor—we would observe that the advertisements arc as carefully read, and not (infrequently longer Isirne in remembrance than the more edifying contents of the paper. It is safe to assume that the country paper is read by an average of ten persons to each subscriber; it is kept in the house of the eco nomic fanner or mechanic from week to week as a mat ter of reference, unless loaned to the less thrift y neighlnir, who is too mean t*\tke a paper, and too sensible to do without it when he can obtain it by loan or theft. t . i mt t Mother and Babe. “ Out of all the buried ones, aunty, which do you see the plainest?” I questioned.— “ Little Sally,” was the quick reply. Little Sally, who was never named till shojueeded one to put on the gravestone over her. Little Sally, who was four months old when she died. Abby married a man T could not abide. It was Henry's wildness down to Boston that gate him the consumption. Stephen was away from home always till lie took sick, and Martin's wife and me was never good friends, and that took away some of the nearness. But little Sally never lived to give me a cold look or hard wont. \\ hen my plans were the brightest, she faded out from under ’em, and left the joy of my life broken in pieces. Jest think of a velvet touch laying forty years on a woman's withered breast. Jest think of a little upturned pink face never fading from out a woman's empty arms. That's been my lot. and I'm satisfied to go where my baby is waiting for mo.” A young lady in Milwaukee undertook to climb a ladder that had lieeu left standing against the side of a house, but liefore she had gone a quarter of the way up quite a crowd assembled, jiereeiving which she began at once to descend, observing with much feel ing: “AYell, now. there ain't going to t>c no free circus here this afternoon, you !>et.” A rustic youngster, being asked out to take tea with a friend, was admonished to praise the eatables. Presently the butter was passed to him, when lie remark- 1,“ Very nice batter—what there is of it .” and observ ing a smile, he added, and plenty of it such as it ij.” Nominations for OtTice—Tho Stumbling Block to Good Men. The Baltimore Sun, perceiving, as many a sentinel on the watchbrwcr does, that much ot the trouble, financial and otherwise, in nearly all communities, proceeds from the election of unfit men to oltiee, endeavors to solve the problem of nomination. Our Balti more brother indicates what we know to be the truth, in a majority of cases, that political offices are looked upon as spoils "to be scrambled for and obtained at any sacrifice of dignity. Now and then communities a n e plunged into such depths of misfortune by wire-workers and ward-politicians that it re quires a combined effort upon the part of good citizens to purge the community of dominant rascality. It is cunningly and plausibly ob jected to this view that many of tho better classes of the community ik# not, as a rule, take sufiieicnt personal interest in political alTairs. But to this the answer is promptly given, that, in many of the larger cities of the country, the obstacles thrown in their wav. by those w ho hold the reins of party and work its complicated machinery, arc almost in superable. Before the Social Science meet ing at Detroit. Professor Kent, discussing the wretched demoralization of American politics, used those forcible and marrowy words : •A reason why the best men are unwilling to become candidates for ollice lies in the fact that caucuses and conventions are often so managed by politicians that a good man can not receive a nomination unless by the means which are distasteful, if not dishonorable.— Flic tirst, necessity generally is self-sceleimj. and this is one of the things most unpleasant to <jo<hl men. " A still greater reason why it is hard to find fit candidates for olliecs Idled by popular election is found in the services expected of a candidate during the preliminary canvass.— Prior to an important election, the saloons in our great cities overflow with intoxicating liquors, purchased at the expense of the can didates. Constant demands arc made upon the candidate's charity, with the implied as -1 section that their contributions are necessary to obtain votes. They must become almost literally all things with all men, religious with the religious, dissipated with the dissipated, Idthy with the filthy, corrupt with the cor rupt, in order that, by all means they may win votes. This Lind of eleclioiu'ering is uswdht deemed necessary by Ihe polUiad managers. and there is no doubt it is often very effective. If is evident that smlt electioneering must be impossible for all high-minded’ men. No poor man, who is honest,, can aiford it.’’ Luckily for many of our Southern cities, though not all. the kind of trickery portrayed by Professor Kent lias not grown to monstrous or invincible proportions. But we have the germ of future troubles, and the people most concerned in wise government should bo warned in time of the possible approach of Hie monster and prepare themselves against him in his infancy, rather than wait until Hercules shall lie grown to his full stature, ribbed in iron and armed with a club of brass. —Augusta Constitutio/udist. BLIND. It is absolutely necessary in Montana that a Jud ge should know something of cards. If ho does not he is always liable to have the gravity and dignity of his Court disturbed by a scene similar to one which haj >pcucd to Judge Scrvis, Associate Justice of the First Distriet Court. It was a ease of a quarrel over cards and an assault and bat tery, and the first wit ness was oik* Boli (ribbons : The Witness.—“ Well, we sat down to the table; Anderson sat here, Barks here, and I t here (making a diagram on the Clerk’s table ;) Parks dealt the cards, l went blind; Ander son went blind over me, and Parks could not see him.*’ The Judge, who is a little deaf, was in the habit of making an ear-trumpet of his hand, and throwing his lie ml a little forward and sideways. Having gone through this panto mime, lie interrupted the witness by asking him: * What was the reason that Parks did not see Anderson?” The witness replied : “ I don't know, but he could not see him.” “ Proceed,” said the Judge. “ Well, I saw him, lie saw, and just at that minute"— "Stop, sir,” said the Judge, throwing him self into a hearing attitude, "Did I under stand you to say that you went blind?” “ Yes, sir, I went blind, ?and Anderson he went blind, and Parks would not see him, but I saw Anderson, and then lie saw”— “Witness,” exclaimed the Judge, striking the bench with his clenched list, “do l hear you right, sir. Do you say that you went blind, and then you saw ?” “Yes, sir,” replied the witness. "I saw Anderson, and Anderson saw, and just at that”— “Stop, sir,” said the Judge. “Mr. Clerk, fine the witness sfo for contempt of Court, and direct the Sheriff to take him to jail, and there to keep him until he receives further orders l‘r<>m the Court. Call up the next case, Mr. Clerk.” Pob (liblxms was dnmbfoimded, and did not awake to a reality of his condition until the Sheriff laid his hands on him, when he exclaimed: “ flood gracious, Mr. Judge, what have 1 done that l must go to jail?” The Judge, who was purple with rage, did not deign to reply to poor Giblions, lmt re iterated the order with increased vehemence, and the members of the bar, who had antici pated the lix that liob would eventually lie placed in, were convulsed with laughter, which increased the rage of the Judge to the highest pitch. The prosecuting attorney en deavored to enlighten the Judge, and event ually succeeded. but not until he had produc ed a pack of cards, and after dealing out three hands made the blind as clear as day to the Judge. The fine and imprisonment were remitted, order was restored in the Court, ami Gibbous was allowed to proceed w ith his testimony. A medium woman now says that Charley I loss is in Heaven. This accounts tor the mm .iiecess of the detective:, who know nothing ot such a bourne country. Showing tho Boys in Washoe How to Shoot. Recently at a saloon on the Divide, some men were discussing the shooting affray which occurred during the morning between the two brothers in-law. Fall man and Ward. It was agreed on all ham Is that it was shock ing bad shooting—a discredit, to Washoe. At last, a Pioche man bantered a Comstock man. whom he know to In*'a good shot with a pistol, to go out in. the back yard wit h him and do some shooting, just to show the “loys” how it should be done. Itv the saloon was a box of eggs, and what the Piocher propos ed was that each shoot two eggs oil* the bare head ot the other at the distance of teU paces, the one missing to treat the crowd. The Coinstoeker w:vs bound not to he bluffed by a man from the other end of the State, so to the back yard all hands adjourned. Fach man used his own six-shooter. The ( oinstockor first “busted” bis egg on tho top ol the Riocher’s head, which exploit was loudly applauded hy all present. It was then the Riooher’s turn to shoot, and uu egg was produced to he placed upon the head of the Coinstoeker, but when lie removed his hat there was a general laugh, for the top of his head was as smooth as a billiard ball. For full ten minutes all hands tried in vain to make an egg stand on his head. It couldn't be done. The - Riochor then taunted the Coinstoeker with having gone into t he arran gement knowing that he Was safe. The latter told him to set up his egg and it was all right—he was there. The Piocher went in to the saloon, and a moment after came out with a small handful of flour, which he dabb ed upon the bald bead of the Comstockor, and then triumphanly planted in it his egg, fell back ten steps and then knocked it, off. ! he Coinstoeker then told him to set up his .second egg and shoot at it, as he didn't want to have his head chalked twice during the game. 'This was done, and the wreck of •a second egg streamed over the Corns! wker’s pate. The Piocher now stood out with his last egg on his head. The Comstockor raised his pistol and tired. The Piocher bounded a yard into the air, and the egg ImnVieed whole from his head. “ I’ve lost! ” said the Coinstoeker. “Let all come and take a drink. By a slip I've put half the width of my bullet through the top of his left ear ! ” and so it proved iqion measurement. — Virginia Enlerprise. Thoughts and Suggestions. Some mourn more the shame which sin brings, than the sin which brings the shame. There is a transcendent power in example. We reform others unconsciously when we walk uprightly. Blessed be the hand that prepares a pleas ure for a child, for there is no saying when and where it may bloom forth. To all men, at all times, the best friend is virtue; and the best companions are high endeavors and honorable sentiments. The heights of earthly promotion lift us no whit nearer heaven. Jt is easier to step there from the lowly valo of humiliation and sorrow. Jt any one speak ill of thee, flee home thy own conscience, and examine thy heart. If thou be guilty, it is a just correction ; if not guilty, it is a just correction ; if is a fair in struction ; make use of both; so shalt t hou distil honey out of gall, and out of an open enemy create a secret friend. The soul that docs good to others, grows in goodness. Ite that is a medium of blessing toothers is himself blessed thereby. Hence selfishness is lolly as well as sin; for while it prevents our doing go<xl toothers, in the same degree it prevents our doing good to ourselves. A Mkan Man. —The Alexandria (Va.) Sen tinel, under the heading of “The Meanest Man in Virginia,” says: On Monday, in Petersburg, at the re-union of Mid tone’s bri gade, many of the old command walked out to the Crater, that dreadful spot, where noth ing but the valor and superb bravery of Ma hone’s men saved our lines from lining sever ed and Petersburg from capture. On their arrival they were hailed by the owner, who made them pay twenty-five cents to stand up on the historic ground, when many of the party had saturated that very ground with their blood. The name of this brute was Timothy Griffith, of Prince George, Virginia. A subscription ought to lie started to pay him to leave the Old Dominion, as he is a disgrace to the State, or, as the Norfolk Virginian aptly tenus him, a first-class hog. There was a man in Oswego, Kansas, who thought that he had fallen into a fat thing, lie discovered a well full of medical water on his premises, lie liad it analyzed, and it gave iodine, bicarlxmateof jwitash, chloride of lime, and compound extract of huchu. with a trace of old Dr. Townsend’s sar saparilla. The fortunate owner began to think of building a hotel, and in his mind s eye he saw no end of rheumatic and dispeptk; patients from all parts of the country play ing bluff and drinking the water. Alas ! an enemy examined that well a little closer. Two defunct cats were there, and an equally defunct rabbit added to the potency. The hotel will not be 1 milt. Tn Kansas, justice, if she is blind, goes at the rate of a mile a minute whenever she is alter a horse thief. Vincent Morgan, grand equine larcenist, as aforesaid, was arrested about sunrise, had his preliminary examina tion before breakfast, was Ixmnd over, was taken tn Hiawatha, and by two o'clock, p. m., he had been indicted, arraigned, tried, found guilty and sentenced to the penitentiary for two years. Such velocity of proceeding must have made Mr. Morgan’s he:vd swim ; but lie may thank his stellar inthienoes that he is safe within stone walls, for short as the proceedings were, a vigilance committee might have made them a good deal shorter. When they catch a man in Dubuque look ing into windows alter dark, a crowd sits down on him and rubs pepper into his eyes, and his reformation is marvellou dv rapid. / lot Till— Foi.u 1 Njlw ( pl.uO tOR >3iX MONTHS. FACTS AND FANCIES- What man carries everything licfore him ' The waiter. A had sign—TeJ sign a another man's name to' a note?. Said I’at“ Faix, where wild ye fhtd a mo dern house that has lasted so long as the an cient r Monkeys' rfeVCf grow older In.cxprt'sHkm. A young nwoikey kk)Ks exactly like his grand pa lncltM up and bom over again. The only tiling that bothers a Western grass-hopper is to swallow a'ftmr-leggcd table. A well develojied hojrper can worry it down, but the legs tickle his throat. The days are at hand when prudish clergy men will swelter through (wo sermons a Sab bath in a dress oonl for fear of offending ! somebody by wearing a comfortable dn-*ter. It’s a mighty mean trick for a Net Yorker to get a newly-arrived Swede to turn an ice cream freezer for an hour under the impres sion that there’s music in it, A contemporary asks ? “ Is nrnwps slugu lar or arc they plural ?" Doth. When you get mumps on lw>th sales of yoUr face at once, they are plural, but they make a person look very singular.— IWwhhjn Aryus. The Doston tllcHtc publishes the following maxim for the lienefit of lady readers: “Ne ver turn round in the street to see what anoth er girl wears, because you will always find her doing the same thing.” An inebriate man, walking along the street, regarded ( lie moon with sovereign contempt: on needn’t feel so proud," he said, “ you are lull only once a month and 1 am every night.” A young lady in North Carolina requested to Ie released from her marriage engagement <m the ground that when she contracted it she believed her lover “ a duck," but has since found him to lie a “goose." “ I feel set back a year in my religion every time I meet him," was the remark of a pious Milwaukee widow Wheu speaking of a hand some young fellow who lived in the neigh borhood. Texas would have liecn a splendid placo for Micawber. When lie sat down, waiting for something to turn up, the playful nibble of a tarantula would have turned up what ho sat down on in a very lively manner. A cynic observed: “If there is anything that will reconcile a man to married life, it is the knowledge that steals over him like a dream as he bursts a button off his trowsers that there is one at homo who can repair tho damage.” The only way a policeman who has been chased by a burglar can redeem his reputa tion is to shoot a playful canine pet while its master's back is turned, and lie gazetted in the newspapers for having killed a “ mad dog.” A W estem editor appeals to his delinquent subscribers by saying: “This week we have taken in potatoes and pickles on subscription. Now, if yon will bring in some vinegar for the pickles and some wood to roast the (totatocs, we can live till artichokes get big cnouuh to dig.” A kind hearted gentleman 4n Milwaukee recently gave an indigent family $3, and the same evening he met them all .returning from a circus on exhibition in the town, when the head of the family had the impudence, to ask him for money to buy something for breakfast. Tilt* Indianapolis New* any® without much exaggeration: nU Advertising has created many anew business, enlarged many an old business, revived many a dell business res cued many a failing business, and preserved many a largo business, and it insure# success in any business.” In Doubt About It.— “ There is but ono good wife in the country, and every man thinks that he has her." Old Drown, wlm is bald, and wliosc wife has red hair and a wicked eye, read this, and murmured, as lie passed his hand meditatively over his head: “ I dunno 1 I dunno 1 ” Just So.—lt is not what people eat, but what they digest thats makes them strong. It is not what they gain, but what they save that makes t hem rich. It is not what, they read, but what they rumemltcr, that makes them learned. It is not what they profess, but what they practice, that makes them righteous. A Detroit citizen who met nn old acquain tance on the street asked why he wore a weed on his hat. “ For my jx>or wife, who has passed over the river,” was the melancho ly rt Tly* “Well, can't she come back— aren't the ferry hosts running?” was the suprised query. The man had to explain. Affected young lady, seated in a rH-king chair reading the lliblc. exclaims: “Mother, here is a grammatical error in the Bible!”— Mother, lowering her spectacles, and ap proachiug the reader in a very scrutinizing attitude, says : “ Kill it, kill it! Jt is the ve ry thing that has been eating up all the book marks!” A darkey was once attempting to steal a goose, but a dog raised an objection, Saml>o retired. The next night during a thunder shower he attempted it again, and just as he was on the point of getting away with his fowl, the lightning struck close by and nearly 1 Tightened the p<xr fellow to death.— - Dropping the goose, he started away, mutter ing, “ Tcors to me dor am a mighty lot of fuss made Ixmt a common g*x>se.” At a trial, not long since, and old lady of some eighty years was qlosely questioned by the opening counsel relative to tle clearness of her eyesight. “Gan you see me ?” said he. “ Y es.” “How well canyon scome?” persisted the lawyer. “Well enough,” responded the lady, “to that y*u -ire neither a negro, an Indian nor a gentleman.” NUMBER 1.