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The Cartersville express. (Cartersville, Ga.) 1867-1870, April 26, 1867, Image 1

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VOL. 5. THE WEEKLY CurterNvllie Express I* published every Jh ' Jb6XID-A-UU morning. in Cariersville, iianuw Gounty, Ga., by Smith Sc Milam, Proprietor*, at Three Dollars, per an num, strictly in advance ,- I’wo Dollar* for Six Months; ‘»ne Dollar for Three Months. Advertisements for one month, or Ip«s lime One Dollar per square, (of ten lines or leas,) for each insertion ; all other advertisement* will l»e charged Fifty per cent on old prices. JONES & MALTBIE, ATTORNEYS AT LAW. Curtersville, (la. WTILL attend promptly to all business en \V trusted to their care. Will practice in the Cos urts of law, and equity ; n the Cherokee Circuit. Special attention given to the collec tion of claims. Jan. 1. 1866. ly ohn J- Jones. R- Maltbie. Surgeon and Mechanical Dentist. rpilE undersigned respeotfully offer his pro § fessional services to the citizen* of Car tersville and vicinity. lie is prepared to do all kinds of Tmtrft work beion K ln K to his profession. lull scit* of ... on gold ' e»i.».iii.,r,b.n. *»♦ Dlt. T. F. JONES, his professional services to the I citizen* of KINGSTON and vicinity, and respoctfully solicits a portion oftt.eir patronage. June 2. JOHN W. WOFFORD, Attorney at Law, CARTERSVILLE. GA. Also. FIRE INSURANCE AGtNT, ...m,resents the bent Northern and i Southern Companies. Fan be found u , la w -tru e of U Hurd & Parrott \pril 10, IHOb. 'ITIOS. W- li*l>DE> 7 Atto rn c y at La w AN’! CTtINTY COUiIT SOLICITOR, t ultirsvlllo. Gn- Will give particular At’.enlinn to the collection "I I'hiims. lM Jo Eta C. ll ran »s ATTORNEY & COUNSELLOR AT LAW, KIN ‘SIGN, GA. I VtM’TU’ES LWV in <b« several coun- I ~ „f thu i.‘ ekee Cs suit, al.-o. Polk, ll irrili in an I F >y I counties, Prompt at teuti >ll given to basin ss, Nov. 2d. ly ties i >na. card* ! 3 »*h per annum.J W. R, PRITCHETT, It'.oeney at Law. tA ITERS .’ILL-. 1\ l U'ITCBS Law ; all courts ot the 'che.okee circuit a id counties adjoining Jan 23. * Billow. JF TE A. HOWARD, ATTORNEY ANj CO iNSELLOR AT iAW. CaTTERsVI i.I.E GAj Lanier House, marietta, ca., BY LANIER & D3333, Proprietors f I'M! I S II .11*0 is located iu a few steps of the 1 Railroad, where the ears stop. Passengers three meals .i day hoi*. Meal* prepared . all hours. J ul Y Zi - If, 1,. GOEDSIMITH* Attorn cy at Law, .... Georgia Atlanta, Will practice iu Fulton and adjoining counties. Also m Barlow Superior Court. Office ovwr Holbrook’s Hut Store, Whitehall. March 20. jUNtb *v MALTBIE, REAL ESTHB MIS. CARTERSVILLE GA We are authorized lo sell, ami and have on hand several Houses and Lots, and also numerous building lots in the town of Curtersville. Also several plantations of various sizes m Bartow Cos. Parties desiring to buy or se will do well to give us a call. Ail communications promptly answered July 17, 1866. James W. Strange, Dealer in STOVES. GRATES, IRON, HARDWARE, PUIN AND JAPANNED TIN WARE, &. C. Clean Linen and Cotton Bags taken in ex change for Good*. Repairing, Roofing and Guttering done with neatness and dispatch. Cartersville, Nov. 1. The Cartersville Hotel. DR. THOMAS MILAM having charge of this House, would be S J j c , pleased \o accommodate af w Board- H -gi ars with BOARD, with <u without Lodging. Call and see him at once for terms Camrsville. Jan 17. S. H. Pa t till o, FASHIONABLE TAILOR, Cartersville, Ga. Will attend promptly to the Cut ting, Repairing and Making Boys’ and Mw«’ Clothing. Office in the back room BUir $ Bradshaw's store THE CARTERSVILLE EXPRESS. Li very Stable By J. J. JOSES, JR. CARTERSVILLE, GA, IS prepared, t-t all ‘tmes. to furnish the traveling public with convey an/ c through the country. Also to feed end thelter stock at reasonable rates of board. My vehicles and stock are kept in good condition. Mcb. 15. PW r *II-tvhig srot ni.v stock aid Vehicle* in kooil or df, I eurrirstly solicit the pub! la peurralljr to cal! and jive tne a fair trial. Rates will boas lit* h! as can afforded. J. J. J., ECLIPSE! XJLV Si Me, J. G. Stocks, Itates of Hire : Hack and Horses, per day, $4,0 n : Horse, Buggy and Driver, ... 2,50 Horse and Bugay 1,50 “ ** half dry or less, 1,00 8» ldle Horse, per .Icy .... 1,25 “ “ half any or le s 15 Kates of Board : H -rse, per month, $20,00 “ week, 6 oO “ day, 1.00 “ Bingle feed, 40 EKBPKCTFOLLY notify the Public generally that he has juat openned his New arid Commodi ous 1,1 VEKY AND SALE STABLE, and hts it stocn ed with good horses, buggies, Ac., and is prepared to furnish those traveling into and across ihe c m try with any kind of p-ivate conveyance. He is also prepared to B -ard Stock In any quantity with comfo t.- able quarter.- and bountiful feeil at reasonable rates. Stock bought and sold at his stabler. Hts stock all being ficall and equipage rew he slitter himself with the belief that he can furnish his customers with as neat and c miple’e an out-fli as any like ertnh'lthment in Upper Ueorgis. AH he asks to estsb ish this fact is a ti lal. CAKTBRSVILLE. GA., March 22, IS6T. Uti'anlt) %%x\x\xta, J^JSTJD Kolliiig Mill C«., Atlanta, Ga. MANUFACTURERS OF RAIL-ROAD SPIKES, CHAIRS, BRIDGE BOLTS, BAR IRON, NAIL ROD, AND HORSE SHOE IRON. Castings, of 3,1 descriptions, in Brass or Iron, including RAIL-ROAO CAR WHEELS, BOXES. PEDESTALS. FRONTS. COLUMNS, AND VERANDAHS. Mill Gearing ami Machinery of ail kinds. JOHN D. GRAY, President. October AME R 1C AN HOTEL. Alabama Street, ATLANTA, GEORGIA. Opposite the Passenger Depot. WHITE 8b WHITLOCK, Proprietors. riIHE public pre respectfully informed that this House has been rcmoddled and re fitted, and re->pened for the accommodation of the travelling public. Much time, labour and expense has been expended in miking it worthy of patronage. Modern improvements have been added, and the public can re v o». .8 being equal to any in Southern cities WHITE & WHITLOCK, Proprietors. BRYSON 4 WYLEY, Clerks, uy (24. ffiit Mit mmm 0-A-S3±'S CASKETS. By Erwin & Jones. ASSORTED sizes kept on hand. Also WOOD COFFINS made to order. A good HEARSE r ady at all hours. CARTERSVILLE. Feb I, 1867. wly THOMAS W. MILNER, Attorney at Law, CARTERSVILLE. GEORG Will at:end promptly to business us to bis care. Oct. 5 wly 8. O’SSlg®,®, Dress Tailor. IS prepared to execute all kinds m ot work in the Fashionable Tail —*■£,. ing line, with neatness and in du- - iL£L rabie style. Over J. Elsas &; Co’s store. If you want a good fitting Coat, go to S. O’shields, up stairs at J ELSAS. Cartersville, jan 25. W . «. MOOTCASTLE, | and Watch aud j xax Clock Repairer. jln the Front of A. A Skinner A Cc’s steru Cartersville, ysn 26. CARTERSVILLE GA. APRIL 20. 1807. Mcßride, Dorset r 4 co., ATLANTA, GA. To Ihe Merchants of Georgia % and adjoining States; IT7E have already spoken through the pape-s to our | ll friends throughout'he Seu'h, ard advised th-se I who were formerly our fellow-soldiers lo the Sou he-n j Army, that we had undertaken to apply, in Peace, the I elements of vigor, energy and promptnest, which had b-j ten gained n<* the day in War. TV« ha-, e opened a Wholesale Crockery AZSD GLASS HOUSE. in Atlanta. On a scale far beyond any before known in the Stale. We are backed by al! the advantages which are de rived from abundant means and a thorough knowledge of ihe tusiness. A large pari of ourgooUii are shipped DIRECTLY TO US FROM EUROPE. via Charleston and Savannah. WJe# r l "wsygrr We confidently expect to supply from our depot, in At-aut., all those mer chants throughout this aDd adjoining 'C'W (X State., who have heretofore maue their purchases North. We can < ffer as varied a stock as can be feund in New York, and we know that OUR PRICES HERE WILL BE LOWER You will save FREIGHT by ptircbaftrg here. You will s ve BREAKAGE by purchasing hove. You will c .(‘tribute to the bunding up of a home de pot of supplies by purchasing here. TVe have on hand and constantly arriving ASSORTED PKG’S OF CROCKERY, of bet and mixed grade. We-epack Crockery,China Glassware, Looking Gia-ses. Lamps, Cutlery,” Plated a.U J .panned Ware, Clocks, A.-., to order. Weha.e j b lots of these goods fr .in tune to time at very low prices. We solicit your CASH orders, and will give you large advantages for CASH IN HAND. Y ur i t tends, April 19, ls6T. AIcBKIDE, DORSET! A CO. T. M. I R.C. CIARKE. Dealers Iv ENGLISH AND AMERICAN Hardware Cutlery Guns Pistols —ALSO-*- Iron, Steel, Nail*, 13 Hows, Anvils, Vice*, Corn Shelters, Stran' Cniter*, Shovels, Plow*, Hoe*, Chain*, Locks, Hinges, Screws, Hammer*, Hatchets, Axes, dtc. And all other goods usually kept in the Hard ware line. Also Agents for Farrbanks Platform aid Counter Scale*, which we will sell at Fac tory prices, freight added. At their old stand. Corner ol Peach Tree and Line Street, Atlanta, Ga. F. M. RICHARDSON, Manufacturer and Wholesale Ccaler in ALL KINDS or Tin and Sheet Iron House Furulshin? Goods, Gen erally. C3OK, COAL, WOOD AND WROUGHT IRON STOVES. #Sy-ROOFING done with neatness and dispatch. Whitehall Street, .A. (3-JL. Eeb. 15, W. L. Kirkpatrick & Cos., Druggists, cartersville, ga. WILL keep constant on hand awe seected stock, of pure DRUGS AND MEDICINES. Fatent Medicines* &c. Jones’ Carriage Repository, Jan 17. New Millinery Store. Vp-Stairs in Dr. Clayton’s JCew Brick Building , CARTERSVIEEE, GA. M RS. L. C. MCLELLAN, xvm oren her stock of new pud b e a': ti - ful Spring and Summer Millinery OnodeSaiKJ !u the ab>ve rooms on Tuesday the Slh install*, after which time she will be *** p'evsed to exhibit her goods to the lsdies of Carers viile and snrroundiiff country. Her stock will consist in port as follows: Bonnets, Hata, Kibbohs, F.owerj, and a!! couth in the Mhlmery line, of the latest styles, aiso. a r.te assortment of While Muslins, Editing*, Huiaety. G ove-. Hoop gkirt#, French Embroidered I Corset-. Dress Trimmtrpi,, it. press Patterns, of latest style*, from Mdtti e Dfmor- I est's E-- ibiisl.mect, Stamp?- g for Braiding and Em brcMe..- do->» a: short ao.tcy Fartlcv'ar *-.ts-_'<on given to orderr. April "its. ISb . wtf WESTERN & ATLANTIC IEU A I L - P. O A 3D . ON and after JANUARY 27, 1867, Pas senger Trains will run as follows . Going Yorlh, Leaving Atlanta. 9.50 A. M. (exerpt Sunday) Grea Northern Mail.—Arrive at Dalton at 2.40 p m, connecting with the E T and Ga R R trains for Knoxville, Lynchburg. Wa-h ngton, Baltimore, Philadelphia, and New York.U Arrive at Cuattaiiooga 5.25 j: connecting with train-sos Nashville and ’Chattanooga R. IL for Nashville, Louisville, and tne West, and trains of Memphis and Charleston R K. for Memphis, New Orleans, &e. 2.50, I*. 111. Deily fexrej t Sundays) Dalto Accommodation.—Ar ive at Marietta 4 4 p. m.. Cartersville 6.45 p m Kingston 8 p m Dalton 11.46 p. m. 7.00 I*, in. Daily (Expres* Pas*>engerY, Ar rive at Chattanooga 4.00 am, making close -•onnections with trains >f Nashville and C hattanooga R R. for Naehvihe, Louisville, and the West. Coiulng- South, Arrive at Atlanta. 1.35. A. hi, Daily G-cat Southern Mail.— Loiving Chattanooga 4.30, p m., connect ing wi h trains of Nashville and Chattanooga and Memphis and Charleston Railroads, and at 7.50, p rn„ connecting with train* of r-«. I on. and Ga. Railroads. 9-50, A. ISJ. Daily (except Sundays) Dalton Accommodation. - T.ea-e Dalton 1.25 am. K-npton 4.30, Cartersville 5.t5, Marietta 1.15 p. 151, Daily (except Sundays) Express Passenger.—. Leave C.'hattanooga 4.50, am. making close connections with trail sos the Nashville and Chattanooga Railroad. Pullman's Fatent Sleeping Coaches in ail night Trains. JOHN B. PECK dcc,s Master Traortation Family Groceries, CONFECTIONERIES. *C. 4.4. mmmm 4 At Moore 4" CVs old stand—west side Public square, CARTERSVILLE, GA. JUST received, and for sale, at reduced market prices, a very large lot of New Bacon and Lard; VIRGINIA SALT SUGAR, COFFEE, SYRUP, FLOUR, MEAL, RICE, CHEESE. MACKEREL, SUGAR CURED HAMS. 4-c Garden Seeds, a fall supply*. Onion Setts and Huttons. Tobacco, Chewing and Smoking. Pottvare, of the finest quality. Confectioneries, a No, i lot, tresh. Powder and Shot, Nalls, assorsed sizes. Wooden-ware, Washing Soap, unsurpassed. To all of which, and much more, we invite the attention of the public. Feb. 1. IASI K«SI«2. If Y OLD FRIfINI>B AND CU9TOMF.II3 will phase remember, that, after having boen twice burned out, I have re al sumed the DIiUU BU.SINKda with Messrs. T. J. A M. B. SWANSON, under the style of RA9BBY. SW&1S81 & «0.« AT ROARK'S CORNER, NEXT DOOR TO W. H. BROTHERTON, ATLANTA, GA, I <tiii bo pleased to meet all my old friends at our new place of business, where I am prepared to show them a large and well assorted stock of purpose*, and at very low figures, K- ?. MAtfSEY, la*# Massey and Hertv. ieb 1 ATLANTA, GA. The First Oder. GoTdi-n curls and laughing eves, hounding footfall and a voice full of I laughing music, a laugh like the chim ing of silver bells, and a tinv figure, little and graceful as the fairy Tiiania. This was my love to JN*»ia Raymond. ‘•Be your wife: 1 never heard of 1 such nonsense in my life! \ r our wife, indeed? I should as soon think of marrying p.ipa, or brother Will, or—or why, ! can’t think ofauy other mas culine so impossible !” 'This was the answer to my suit. “But why?” 1 presisted. “Why? Why don’t a girl marry her j grand-mother ? It’s because slip gets j tired of seeing the old lady around. 1 j can’t remember a day that 1 have not I seen your phiz the first thing i:i the | morning. 1 never went to a party with any other escort. I never was in any scrape but you were my compan” ion in mv misery, or my shield from punishment. 1 never did a foolish thing in my Hie but you were there to laugh and rebuke. Oh! Marston, do go make love to some foreign lady : | but don’t be so absureil as to marry your cousin, who has lived with you under the same roof since she was a baby.” “But al! you say goes only to prove my devotion.” “Devotion ! You snub me quite ys often as you praise. Besides—” She hesitated. ‘ Well.” - “I’m only sixteen, and am not going to accept my first offer. And, then, Marston. you don’t come within a thousand miles of mv beau ideal.” *,Oii, I don’t ; pray describe your beau ideal.” “Tall.” “I stand six feet one inch.” “Handsome, with black whiskers and the manners of a traveler. A man who has not lived all his life in a mis erable village, but has seen the world and profited thereby. One who has mixed in distinguished society, and learned refinement of dress and man ners ; and who can talk something besides books with a lady.” “Ah ! well, il you won’t have me, you won’t, so there’s an end of it.” I got up from t'ie arbor seat when? we had been sitting and strolled toward the house. I saw her blue eyes open with amazement at my coolness. I did not enact despaff- lor her benefit, but laid my plans for edification. Two days later I had left home and gone to the city on a visit. Nina gave me a merry farewell, and did not seem at all heart-broken at the prospect of a separation. If she fell any emotion, she was soon soothed, as the following letter, directed to my address* convinc ed me : “Dear Marston —My hero has ar rived—such lovely black whiskers ; not at ail like your smooth face, cousin; such curls, not auburn ones like yours; black eyebrows and lashes—yours are yellow. He ims been everywhere, has | seen everything, speaks the foreign language, and has tire polished man" ners. lie brought a letter of introduc tion to Will, so, of course, he is here quite often, and seems very well pleased with a certain cousin of yours.” And so on. the letter was filled up with home gossip, i read it at the little inn of my native village, where , all my letters re-directed to Mr. Alonzo Aourinev, followed me. The blaolt whiskers lay on the table beside me, the wig hung from the brnkingglass, while the dyed eyebrows and lashes still adorned my face. My fine broad cloth suit, cut in the latest city style, my patent leather boots, kid gloves, and dandy cane lay on a chair, while I lounged iit dressing gown and slippers, before the window, scanning my cous in’s letters. As I was engaged to drive her out in an hour, l began my elabor ate toilet. Every curl was in position, every fold correct, as 1 rang the bell to my uncle’s house, to which my telluw conspirator Will, had introduced me. No suspicion of my identity crossed my aunt’s mind as she gave me a polite welcome, and Nina's blinded eyes saw only Mr. Courtney the traveled dandy. • 1 trust I see the rose of Glendale in full health,” I said, with a bow. “Ah ! those fair hands were destined for daintier tasks than this!” and I de prived her of her sewing. “The soft air woos us. Will you drive with me ?” With a bewitching little hat, and every curl in glossy beauty, she was soon ready for our excursion. I can not tell all trie flattery I poured into her ears, hall disgusted at her blushes, and half amused at her innocent pleas ure in my exaggerated gallantry. It was the first time I had been alone with her in my disguise, and took occasion to delicately hint at my entire devotion to her charms, and grinding 01 v teeth at Iter coquetish acceptance of the same. I saw her every day for a month, pressing my suit on all occasions, ur.u tilling her ears with Crawling affec tations and flat descriptions of Italy and France, with broad comparisions of the daughters of Europe and America. At last I proposed. To my amaze ment she refused me flat; to my de light she informed me trial mv cousin was a dressed up idiot. Ido no. mean ’ that li.aee were her exact term?, out Drugs, Medicines, Chemicals, Pat. Med., Paints, Oil, Glass, Putty, Fancy and Toil. Art., Soaps, Per fumery, Brushes a variety, Wines, Brandies, 4*c., §*c. her warm defense of lo r cousin, alter my sneering hints of jealousy, was fully equivalent t>> such a declaration. Os course, m \ proper self returned, tadianl ami hopeful. B ill you believe il ? She was ofToh as ever when 1 made my advances. She was cousinly an I sisteily nil 1 was in a fury over ! her cool ease and matter ofeourse af fection, but would only laugh at mv love, and compare me slightly to her recent admirer, and had the audacity to hint that her heart walked out al the door at Ids departure. ' I was half inclined to quit the field; but 1 loved the gipsey hartiiy, and could not give her up. Luckily. I had a sun-stroke. Now, a sun.stroke is not generally a fortunate event; but for me it opened a way to my present happiness. 1 was in the garden bn«v about some fruit which was being gathered, win n all the face of nature turned dark, and J fell. “Marston! Marston! only speak to me! It is Nina. * Oil ! Marston, do speak to me!” Hot tears fell fast on my face. I had been carried into the house, and it was' the second hour of my stupor when the words struck my ear muffled and dim. But deliciously sweet the ooor voice sounded in my agony. Then Will said ; Feel liis pulse, now, Nina. IFe is coming round. I will leave you here while J go and bring mother.” M e were alone. I could not move, but I could feel her kisses rained on my face, her sobbing regrets for past unliimlness, and her low prayers prayers whispered for my safety. At last I opened my eyes. With my head restinir on her arm. my face raised to Iters, and my hand clasping hers, she could not escape. So she surrendered at discretion, and we were married three months before ! told her who made her the second offer. Such is Life —This anecdote, which Every Saturday translates from Die Garteulaube, illustrates the proverb that no man is a prophet in his own country. it was a lovely spring l morning in the year 1843, when a little bridal party entered the office of the maisc of a parish in the environs of Paris, in order to subscribe there the marriage con tract of the young couple. Small, however, as the part} was, it was not the less select The bridegroom was a talented young artist, who now-a-davs enjoys a signal reputation, and his marriage witnesses were named Ingres and Patti Delaroche, two masters oi the French school of art. The pretty bride had chosen as her two witnesses two friends of her deceased father, bv name Victor Hugo and Alexandre Dumas. After the official had written down with the utmost particularity, j the surnames, Christian names and ! station in life of the bridal pair, he passed to the witnesses, and turi ed first to Victor lingo wilh the question as to bis name. “Hugo?” he repeated, in doubt. “How is that written ? Js there at at the end ?” The author dictated the name tetter lor letter. Then with dig nity the man of authority proceeded with the second question “What trade do you follow?” “None at all,” rejoined Victor lingo, laughing. “What! no trade at all ? But at any rate you can write so that you can sub scribe your name here ?” To this ffllgO assented with great equanimity, and then came the other witnesses. When Ingres and Delaroche answer' and that they were “painters,” the functionary eyed them over his spectacles with a very supercilious air, and said-- “House or sign painters ?” The merriment of the whole party irritated him greatly, and lie growled out something about “disrespectful be havior,” while Ingres answered him — “Write down simply “painters.” Alexandre Dumas, however, came on with flying colors, for he announced that he was a “gentlemen,” (rentier,) which raised him far above bis com panions in the estimation of the official* who front that time forth vouchsafed to address and pay attention to him alone. These mem were then in the zenith of their fame, and yet, well known and honored as they were throughout the civilized world, within a stone’s throw of the gates of Paris their names were unrecognized and unrespected. i’ajlifg for Mis I’roveader tiy Praying The Cleveland Plaindealer sr.ys : We have no intention of making fun of serious matters in telling the fol lowing good story —we merely relate a fact : There is a rule at Oberlin College that no student shall boardat any house where prayers are not made each and iy. A certain man fitted up a board ing house and filled it with bo: rd<ws, but forgot, until the eleventh hour, the prayer proviso. Not being a praying man himself, he lo«k and arm-id for one i I who was. At length he found one—a meek } rung man, from Trumbull N 0.42. county, who agreed to pay for his board in praying. For a while all went on smoothly, but the boarding master furnished his table so poorlv that the hoarders began to grumble and to leave, and the other morning the pray et boarder actually “struck!” Something like the triMo w ing dialogue occurrf and at t lit* table : Landlord Will you pmv, .Mr. Mild? .Mild—No sir. I will not. Landlord—Why not, Mr Mild * Mild—lt don’t pay, sir. I can’t pray ■on such victuals as tin sc. And unless you bind yourself in writing to set a better table than you have for the last three weeks, nary another prayer and» you get out of me. And that’s die way the mutter stood at latest advices. A Story in Latin. —Old *fnte Fell ui)i told Merit m .Sul da .v litc Lucan would he hum on Mwedi, and would tiring Sul tf/ticltm along, also die Semper s, Fidelia and Felix. Cno Felix has a ft/si (made of glass) ; last aulcm he drove a pair of mules tandem. Oh? inulier hie! llis mules were fraction* —be cmild’nt qnielmn , annis “dutch getting up,” he want to damn ton. which did no good, but made a rcdiculus mu * of it. Old .late Helium had been visiting the sic, sic Volo and Jed>eo, who had a great many measles, and although con valescing, they had a fvmo “of the* sa.W! sort left.” She took adhuck (« canvas hack) tuum ,, and some sceleea. They idem with delight, and et urn with current jam. I.nxet et ingems, but Vol and Jube, not being runibuD, prefenvd adhuck with 3 cetera unO current sane. Flius Me rum Sal— “l’ve been to n parte , ante, so lias my brother dictu, and uda died with laughter to see the waterfalls the gals wore on their eiecs. They sed nomen could detect the real from the false ; but I can telum hit or morning—so can dictu. He’s a trump for Surtum; f'tcli doeeo a smarter boy; inori see of boys, mcri think so. lie owed money; he odit. and he paid it. When the meadows were green he modum ; when the boys were lighting lie was sure to partem; when the mumps were round he cunt nee; he raises much potatoes, and lie’s dig man ros lie’s solemn for a dum good price. Glee's opto snvf ', uno /” and further sed not Merum Sul . Behind the Woodpile. —A minister in Mary land was called to the door on« bitter cold night in January, bv a young man who asked him to perform tfie marriage service. “Certainly,” said the minister, “when do you re quire my services?” “Immediately,” was too reply. “liut where ts the bride?” inquired the astonished pastor. •••Why,” said the groom, “Sal was so bashful she bid herself behind tin* woodpile till I had asked you to tie the knot. “Come out, Sal.” B dug thus admonished, the blushing hi hie come forth from her place of concealment, followed her affianced into the parson age, and the loving pair were soon made happy. ‘One of llek Swine.” —My sweet “spring of geranium” has a fashion, when speaking of her # beaux [during their absence, by styling them “my swains.” Her pa heard hpr speak thus. I wem to see jenrue ime evening, and was met at the door by the “old man.” After the customary “How do you do?” and comment on the weather, ho blurted out : “I suppose you want to se Jennie?” 1 nodded affirmatively. He then culled her: and from up stairs, over the balusters, in sweetest accents, she replied ; “What do you want, pa?” “Come down at once, daughter, here’s one of.your swine.” Imagine my sensations, amidst her ringing laughter, after the old boy’s exit. Slandrous. —A miserable oid bach elor poked his head into our sanctum door the other day and proposed the following; “Why are young laclys kissing each other like an emblem ofchristiaiiity ?” Wo told him we did not know. Ha answered : “Because they are doing unto each other as they would that men should do unto them.” Out of gallantry we hurled our ink stand at hia Head as he disappeared out of the door for the outrageous libel. The impudent fellow. [Virginian. An impatient boy wailing for the grist, said to the raiiler ; “I could eat the meal as fast as th* mill grinds it.” “Ilow long could you do ao ?” in quired the miller. “Till I starved to death.” v. an the sarcastic reply. “How do you define “black as your hat?” said a sclu*'. Imasfer to ouc nlbi* pupils. —“Darkness that mat or replied the youthful wag.