Newspaper Page Text
VOL. 5.
tiik weekly
Ca.rterHvlli« Kxprew*
Is nublishril every IT IE&X ID-A. "Y"
m , r „i a g. in Cartersville, Bartow County, Ga.,
by ~
Smith & Mii.\m,
Proprietors, at 'l'hbßE I>OlLtl P rr nn
limn, iitricfl', in advance; Iwo Hollars lor
feu M .nth»; t*ne Dollar for 1 nree Months.
A Ivcrtiac ncnU for one m > it!», or less time
One Dollar per squ ire, of ten lines or less.)
for each insertion i all other a 1 vert.-omenta
will be charged Fifty per cent on old prices.
JONES & MALTBIE,
ATTCRNtVS AT LAW.
Cartersville, Ga.
WILT, attend promptly to >H bust less en
trusted to their care. Will prin tce in
the U . irts of law. and equity n the Che- okee
Circuit. Hpceial attention ir.vrn to the codec
lion ofJattns. r. Maltbie.
gltn J* Jones. ~
Sur geo ii ci ii cl
Mechanical Dentist.
f ■ AUK undersigned reapeotfully otfer his pro-
I fession.il services to the c’tizens ol (or
Uusvilie and vicinity. He j".
. t , ,n Linds of work belonging
" f
--- •* Z^r
(;,„t,r«vill.,r.-!.. 13. 6»°
i)lt. T. V. JONKS,
n>r! X or,US his professional services to the
I citizen# «t KINGSTON and vicinity, and
rt*p K-tfiilly * .iicitr. a poition oft e.r patronage.
June 2.
JQH?J W. WOFFORD.
Attorney at Law,
CARTERSVILLE. GA.
aim, FiRE INSURANCE AGENT.
...•present* the best Northern and
Southern Companies. Can be found
at tin- l.iw office of Wofford & I’arrull
April 10, 1806. _____
IHOS. w. »»Dl>,
Attorney at Law
AND COUNTY COURT SOLICITOR.
Eilng» on. <fa.
Will give particular attention to the
collection rifclaims. Cel 2t>.
.! uu ii €’. Ur an »«».
ATTORNEY & COUNSELLOR AT LAW,
KINGS 1 ON, DA.
TyiAl'TirD s l.\\V iii »ho several roun-
I lies of ilie (facr >kce Circuit, al •«, P>'l k,
U unison an 1 Fund c.m.nies, Prompt at-
Ljidi >n given to business, Nov. 23. iy
cards s'o cash per annum.J
W. H. PRITCHETT,”
Altornay at Law.
CARTERS ILLS. heOoolA.
\C TICES Law in all the courts ol the
Cherokee circuit and counties adjoining
t> . ... Jan 23.
U.n tow.
THOMAS W. MILNER,
Attorney at Law,
CARTERSVIIIE. GECRS
Will at cud promptly to business entrus
t„ his cure. Oct. 5 wly
JERE A. HOWARD,
ATTORNEY AND COUNSELLOR AT LAW.
C.\RTEKSVII.LE, GA.
DRoO. PISiftBRYOS,
Cart emu lie, Georgia.
1 ... , ),), ;ir( frjO-Jl»l »cvle»s to the c t.ietii »f
CH.ler.vll e »...) » • u. <H «c- u ttv sud « U »;*- «•
rtl ic u r t» hf»u*’p. Office up-st t- Jm t*r. > Ll<y
luu’i .N»W Brick Uulldinp. M*J lS67,wiy
Lan ic r lions e,
MARIETTA, <?A.,
BY LANIER & D3335, Proprietor*
f |V| US li >u.se 8 located iu a few steps of he
| K lilroud, * liere the cars stop. Passengers
take three meals a day here. M als prepared
a ail hours. j u ty
JONES ‘V MALTSIE. _
Itr, il, ILST4TE 4t.E\TS,
CARTERSVILLE GA
tV« a « authorised to * !. suit have on hand -everal
Hmi-et* ft lot , sod also utu'T"U hu littnuloUiu he
town of Cartel gr 1 •*. Alao never l pUntati n* of v»ri
«u«»i* siu Bt tow cou ty. Parties desiring oba or
•• I vl 1 and well t>c»s u* » eail. AI o • "'#u cailo. •
protup Ijr Uswered July 11. iSSd.
James W. Strange,
Dealer in
STOVES.
GRATES,
IRIN,
HARDWARE,
PLAIN AND JAPANNED TIN WARE, &C.
Clean Linen an.i Cotton H igs taken in ex
change for G >o,!s. Kepairin , Roofing and
Guttering done with neatness and dispatch.
Carteraville, Nov. 1. a Iv
The Cartersville Hole!.
DR. THOMAS MILAM having £-mr*\
charge of this H 'use, would he Q * * • j
pleased to actomm ulate a f w Board 9 ! i!l
or* with tiOARU, with oa without AJI.
Lodging. Call an 1 see him at once for terms
CarttVsvillo, Jan 17.
S. H. Pat till o,
FASHIONABLE TAILOR,
atta-ul proiup - ' t.ilirCitli c. r'eeslr. .
vl >,‘K m-d M ki ig U >y"s and Men’- Cio hiutr.
Oiact- la bio r.H,m _f fi'uir 4 Br&Jahaw’* ;ture. 1J
CarteraviDr, Ga,
8. o'asniSßS,
Dress Tailor
IS prepared to execute al kinds
j*A of won* in the Fashionable Tail
llJ inghne with iieatnets and in dn- _!£.
rah!* - style. Over J. EUi* & Cj’a store.
Carterrriile, ja# 25,
THE CARTERSYILLE EXPRESS.
. Li very Stable
• g§ssm
- iit
By
J. J. JONES, JR
CARTERSYILLE. GA.
!
IS prepared, r.t all imes. to furnish the
traveling public with conveyin'e through
the country. Also to feed »nd shelter stock
at reasonable rates of board. My vehicles and
stork are kept in good condition. Mch. 15,
fV— [j.vt ntr ot my stock »”<I V htcVs \n <rn and .r
rt. ,1 esr"'s'iy nl ■ U the per*-r»l'v *<> cal an
yivi- If e h fair trial. K«'t» s ill tt- it esi an car and
affmilrii, J. J. .l..jr,b‘*
ECLIPSE I.J suV
Sfalde,
J. G. STOi liLS,
TIFPPEnFDI.LV uotPy (he P bl c g-rerall> that
]{ l» ha- i•• .ipeane.l Ii ”
c.aLIVK' Y aM» ALE S lAULE, ai (1 h.s it
r.l w il. li. r,es ■>.,# i“» «'••• and » .npared
lumial. 'h'.M: travelliiK iuii> »'•' acru.a ’he .• u tiy
Will llj ku.l ... p > ate entry, l.ce He »*'»•■
p, ps e-l to U .id St ek in a> >’ q wli .on f'» -
l„ q.* ler- ui.ll . oun.if.i teed Ht r. a eehle r >.»
Sto. U t.eueht H1..1 -.id a( hi* stable.. His aou. a 1
being I esh no . qnrpHye ew he tl '.er hm. ell »it
tl e ell f tu». t.r call f r i It h a . uau.m ta with • a
l e.r, hd c ml. e 111. out n »» 81.) lb<e eKtahi lime.it
il, Hl>.<e Ueul-.t . A I lie aftke to eat hi It >ota.Uic’ '8
at, hil tAH . EBaVILLK. OA. ■ March 2z, lah7.
(gfjUYmtv
3>T TD
iiollitig Mill
Atlanta, Ga.
MANUFACTURERS OF
RAIL-ROAD SPIKES, CHAIRS,
BRIDGE BOLTS, BAR IRON,
NAIL ROD, AND HORSESHOE IRON,
Castings, iA all Jesrnpuous, in
Hrass or Iron, imdiulm^
RAIL-ROAD CAR W.IEELS, BOXES, PEDESTALS.
FRONTS, COLUMNS, AND VERANDAHS.
Miii Gearing and Machinery of ail kinds.
JOIIS D. GUAY, President.
October s.tf
AMERICAN HOTEL.
AI ibama Street,
ITLAATi, GEORGIA.
Opposite the Passenger Depot.
WHITES* WHITLOuX, r roprietors.
rpHE public ere respectfully informed that
JL this House !ia been re,noddled and re
filled, and re- j ened for the accunmodciiop
of the travelling public. Much time, labour
and expense has betn expended in n. iking it
worthy of patronage. Modern tnprovi meats
have been added, and the public can re v 01. ,s
being equal to any in fena hern cities
WiyTE ,si WHITI.GGK, Proprietors.
Hit If SON <V WYLEY, Clerks,
u v f24.
mm mm
CASI S A.IST.O
CASKETS.
By Erwin & Jones.
A PS(3RTED sizes 1 ept on hand. Also
WOOD COFFINS made to order. \
good HEARSE r adv at all hours.
CARTERSVILLc.Feb i, 1867. w»y
|p,W . U. MOI’YTCCSTIaE,
Jeweller and Watch and
'w Clock Itepatrer,
In the Front of A. A. Skinner & Go’s store -
Cartersville jan 25
The Oldest Jewelry House in
ATLANTA, GHORGEA.
ER LAWSHE,
tC locks - p
Guatches, w
Jewelry and
Silverware,
Watchmakers’ Tools
and Material.
All Articles Warranted as
/{(presented.
Watches and Jewe'ry Repaired by
competent workmen and It arranted.
May l, IHC7. wly
Thresh out your Wheat!
Is-n still the AAtEsT f-r the <■*>« . fth se excellent
Kenn.-k. TiItEBHE*B. b tfi so r bi>r-e and two
boric b.ZE . T* e recc t isnpro emeiiU maue n
t TliK.-SHtHs rend r th« m iht •’<««»desirable "f
-ny hit a e vow uffe e>i 'or gait. Ti.ey ar- e*»liy
MaSLuED ami not u*ble o a- 1 out OP ORDER.
Or er* tn-cite i, the*' on, r the BETTER, so ihat the
M ioHINB m-,y itrtve t good TIME.
artt.l .'the, vis. A.r. 13 aJji. J. J, S3 VAI»P
CARTERSYILLE GA, JUNE 14. 1807.
M BRIDE. DORSET P CO.,
ATLANTA. GA.
To the Merchants of Georgia
and adjoining States:
\1 T E have nlfeady sp >ke . through the papers to our
IT Ii end- thr uzh "Ut he Sou'h. ai.,l aavised th Si
who we r e so mrrly ou.- ft-llo*-50... er» i toe Sou he a
■Arm , 'hat we h and undertaken t.» apnly, n P ac , ’he
eirin uU of viy e"e>KJ ad ■ rotnptuea., wulcli had
so ten gained ns th.. day u> War.
We hive opened a
Wholesale Crockery
AND
GLASS HOUSE.
in Atlanta.
On a scale far beyond any before known
in the State.
We are hacked bv all the *dvar.t>ees which are de
rived fr in ahunda.it means and a thorough knowledge
of he business. A large part of our goods are shipped
DIRECTLY TO US FROM EUROPE.
via Charleston and Savannah.
—j-jr- We cm fl.fently expect to supply from
JfjjCJ ISA/ onrd poi in A, ant , all th .se im r
fcspf 8, -y chant-ihroti; houi thl-and adjoining
\ j «J» State , who have he, etofore made thelr
pu eh >ees North.
We can offer as varied a stock as can be fi und !a
New V oi k, and we know that
OUR PRICES HERE WILL BE LOWER.
You will ».ve KKFIOHT by purchasing here.
Y u will s ve BKEAKttvF by purchasing h<oe.
Y tt will c fitrib to o the b , dine up of a home de
pot , f supoiiet ny purch.is'iie he e.
W. have on baud and const nt y arriving
ASSORTED PKf’S OF CROCKERY,
1 1 best, ai.d mix»d erade. We epack Crockery, China
Qlasswu , L ok.ng O a Tes. L mpr, utlerj. P, '"d
and J»pan e.l War, til ck j , & to r.l r. u' ha e
j h lots of these gods fr >m e to t’tne at very low
pi ice . We k( licit y u• C \SH o- er-, and will give
lira age advantage,, so C»SH IN MaNl>.
Y or Fi lends,
April 19, lt>67 McBLIDr, DOKftfcTT k CO.
T. !l S H. 5. Cl.ua
De t LEH9 In
ENGLISH AND AFRICAN
Slai dtvare Cutlery Guns Pistols
AL3U—
Iron, Steel, Nails,
Bellows, Anvils, Vices,
Cor * Shelters, Straw Cui ters, Shovel#,
Plows, Hoes, Chains,
Locks, Hinges, Screws, ■
Hammers, Hatchets, Axes, &e.
And all other goods usudly kept in the Hard
ware lin«-. Also Agents fur Farrbanks Platform
a. and Counter Scales, which we will sell at Fac
tory prices, freight added. At their old stand.
Corner pi Peach Tree and Line Street,
Atlanta, Ga.
fl IHE • xercises of this Institution will he
J[ resumed on Monday,the 28th inst., under
t e supervision of
J vHES G. RYIES, Principal,
Assisted by
J. D. tOLLI\B
AND
IIEXRY MCCORMICK.
Ratos of Tuition, per Session of 20 weeks:
Primary Department sls 00
Preparatory “ 20 CO
High School ' 25 00
Incidental Expenses, I 00
Music 25 00
Board can be had, inclusive of every thing
bu lights. » S 17,00 per Month. The earn
*st. he irty co-operation of the community, in
the establishment of a Sc mol of high order in
their midst, is most Urgently solicited.
Stil slioro, Ga., January £5, 1867. wtf
W. L. Kirkpatrick & Cos., Druggists,
cartersville. ga.
BY TILL keep constant on hand a well
f y seeded stock of pure
DRUGS AND MEDICINES,
18, 0>S&8„
Patent Medicines
Jumps’ Carriage Repository,
Jan 17.
J. A. E RWI ® & C°-
»Ji e receiving their Stock of
Sl'lilM. AND
Shtmnttr <§ooH
#'OMPRI?IoQ ever- vari-ty adapted t . the want* of
L the couuiry, which they a ede erui neu >o te 1 tt
the Lowest Price s
Cheaper
than the
Cheapest!
All are invited to
CALL, EXAMINE AND BUY
bargains.
Terms: Cash !
and our motto ia
Small Profits.
Caitereviilc, G-, April 19,156 TANARUS,
Mew
I an new receiving from New York a large
Stock of Goods ; consisting of
DRY-COODS,
GROCERIES,
(fMlicnt, Soots,
N<y 1
SHOES. HITS. HARDWARE.
SADDLERY, STRAW GOODS,
IbBA.ID-Z--hZLA.X3B
Which I am offering very low for Cash,
Come and see for yourselves.
Kingston, Ga. E. V. JOHNSON.
May 17, 1867.
NEW STORE! N T FW GOODS !
And New Arrangements.
The nnder-lgned t’tkes plessure in announcing to the
C’t xen« i f C .rereville and . urrou. ding enuntrt. that
he has Ju.t I'pened out a most sp ended and FASH
ION A BL> Block of
DRY GOODS?
adapted to the want* nf the people, which he proposes
tn sett at P Ice to SUIT the TIMES.
Ladles wi I find almost Everything pertaining to their
Wardrobe.
GENT LE UFN will find Material and Furnishing
Goods for Clothing.
Families will find all kirds of good* common for do-
MESTIC USE, BOOTS, SHOES,
Hats Bonnets, Hoop Skir Is,
Umbrellas &c &c.
A’so will keep on hand a large lot of
FACTORY YrYYRKsfS
HE WOULD be h ppy to receive c*lU at any time
Hi* door* are thrown w dc open, and the invitation
Is tn all. (tome and examine his goods and pri es.
Next door to A. A. Skinner i Cos. s <* just below the
Post fii :e, L. FE*tGUSON,
J. T. STOCKB with Ferguajl.
Cartersville, Ga., May Ist ls6T.
gWfiUTCML
9AIS
VI V xf}> cusrovfKßS will pleas* remember, Mist, after haring been twice burned out. I have re.
li. gutted the DituU BUSINKds wl h Meatri. T. -J. A M. B. BVVANSON, under the gtyle of
mvmmm &
AT ROARK'S CORNER, NEAT DOOR TO W. H. BROTHESTON, ATLANTA, GA.
I will be plegged to meet all my old friend* at our r,e* place of buaineis, where I am prepared to ihow them a lare¥
uud w«l» *juoi ltd block of *
purposes, and at very low fieurp*.
r R. J. M ASSEY, late
Massev and Hetty.
feb 1 ATLANTA, GA.
mmsMws
howeb
ARD
HE APEB.
Best Machine In the W or'd,
Manufactured by C. Ault man 4* Cos.
CANTON, OHr».
For 1867.
JMKfdtfb XTEh*veheen appoint
'dSlfe ed ageut# f.,r ihe sale o Xtffe VSEr
**•. thie celebrated Mowe A
Reaper,f rthecoun
lie* of Bartow, Gordon, Cherokee, and I*. kec», aud
will eell to any par'ie* w o vinh the H chiue delive ed
to them here. The prices are low and terms rea» n
able. le »r ca l*t once and obtain circula-a giving
description a> and pi icta, or address
JOHNJ HO<VaRD,or
W. H. GIL. ES T .
Carterari'le, Ga., April IK ib67. *sn»
~lj. W- MAXWELL.
BRXCK MASON.
I* p-epaned to do ail kinds of work In Brick and
Stone at th rt notice. Raa on hand a Sue lot cf newly
burned b ick and ta p-spared to do work upM the
meet reasor able t *rm«.
OartararilLa Ga., Utj 3.A. LS6T "* * ‘ '
. -i . » . s *
Aj>l»uli)iiti. it(s of (he Georgia
Aunual Conference of the
African Jletii, E. Church,
!5»G7-’S.
Savannah District —R F Gibbs, P E
Savannah Station—K Pliibhs
Augusta Station—C L Brad well
Butler Cretk- Samuel Steward
Ogeehct Circuit—Thomas Garrett
Bryan Comi’y -R M Taylor
Darieu Mission—Samuel Dravton
Jr(le.suii and B.rks County —Geo. H Nealey
Sanders’iiie—W Persons and J Siiuinons
Macim District —ll M Turner, P E
Macon Station— H M Turner and W B
Campbell
Cos uinbus Station—David Picket
Atlanta Station W J Games
Marietta Station—Peter McClain
Greensboro Station— Henry Strickland
J lorence Station—B Jackson
Lumpkin Statiou—T G S tward
Stewart County Mis.-io.i—Thus Crayton
Fort Gaines Station—Robert Alexander.
Dalton Station—A Brown ami W S W
Sherman
Americu3 Station—J HJe rings and W
Ravens
Griffin Station—A McGee
M arrentou Station—Robert Crumiy
Randolph Count —Job R Brown
Athens S a.ion—S B Jones
Albany Sutiou--F Robins,-n
Coiquitt Mission—Julin T Gipson
Dawson Station—Nelson Bcaohem
Cartersville Station—Cnarlee R Edwards
At.anta City Misaion--Joseph Wood
Green (.’ounty--L Wood
Washington, VVi k. scounty—E lw’J Purdcy
Forsyth Station—Euward Troppe
Maiii on Station— >r hos K Brown
Rome Station-—Henry Burns
Kingston—C Murphy
Dougherty County—Solomon Zants
H Hwkinsville—Rob.-it A nderson
Biakely— l o lie atipplied
Alabama District—il Stubbs, P E
Union Springs--!! Stul.bs
Ope!ika«—R B iley ad G Hawki s
Eufaula--L Gardner
l.ilterty Chapel--Iy.iac Hail
Shady Grove--Henry Evans
Auburn—To be supplied
4’hunnenuggee—Cain Rogers
Enon— Washington Harvey.
At the close of the Coherence, Rev. N. M,
Turner offered he following Preamble and
Resolutions, which-were adopted :
Whereas, The great Head of the Church,
by his unerring counsel and protecting power,
ha« cn.tb ed us to gatherthousands o: members
and scores of Preachers into the bosom ot our
organization, thus en tit ing us to form an Am
nualConference,known as tha Geor ia Annual
Conference, of the African Methodist Episco
pai (Uiurch, consisting already of nearly a
hundred Ministers, itinerant md local.
Resolved, Tliatwe a e profoundly th nkfulto
the God of all favors for our abundani success,
which has -likely ■ ever been equalled in the
history of the Christian Church.
Resolved, That w<* tender the many mini ters
of the M. E. Church South, our grateiul ac
knoledgements, who have so generously as
sisted us in the est-ih isiuneiit of our churches
in d’fferent parts of the State, none of w/mm
have cv<-r tried to impede our effoits or traduce
our name.
Resolved, That inasmuch as the formation of
our Conference constitutes us regularly organ
ized, we intend ’o live, if possible, in fraternal
harmony with all sister churches, and seek only
the spread of the Hetleuner’s Kingdom.
[Macon Telegraph.
A Phue Roolcs.
Mewsirk is 1 of the arts & sighermt
ses. A singer is a artist, & a singin
master is a sighentist if lie teaches
sighentificaliv, unlherwise he’s a hum
bug. To them as wants to excel!, a
phue rooles will be very percpplable, &
by foileriti whitch you ken -succeed;
1. it you sing in a quire ollwazc hold
the last toati alter the rest are dun. so
that people can heer you sepereight.
2. When you come to a high noat
thro yoor .led back & shot yoor ize, it
maiks it the moar expressive.
3. When you get done with the hi
tone and want to see the next hue open
yoor ize again.
4. If enny hoddv else looks on the
book with you, hold it strute in frunt ,
of your own face, and then it wont he
in their way. |
5. Ollwaze nbjeck to the toon the
quire leeder selecks and chu.se a pirtier
one yourself, it shows your good taste.
6. Ockachunly sit sttil and let the
rest of the quire sing the him without
you ; it spoils the effect of yours to
have it too common.
7. Dooring the sermon and prayer
keep a turning over the ieeves of your
book—it shows you are aevoted to
niewsickte persoots.
7J. Spend some of your time in
writen in books and riten nnats to sum
1 else in the quire, for if you want to
sing dear you miisent weary yoor mind
ami vois by lestemn two close to the
servis*
If its in the evening beet time with '
tfie hand with whitch you hold the
randle with—the oddieuce can see it
pianer.
9. Doant forget to whisper some—it
taiks awa etnbariassment and helps to
pass time awa.
10. Fill your pockets with peanuts
before you go to ineetin, and throw the
shells on the floor— the fcSeekston ken
tell then where the quire sets when he
sweeps out.
11. Olwaze take the best seet —
sumboddy must hav it, and it may as
well be you as any buddy else.
12. While yu ar signin il yu meet
the i of 1 yoor friends in Ihe kongrega
shen, smile 4* bow —it shows yu aim
too much sot up to recognize and old
friend even if you are in the quire.
13. iNeyer sing egzactie with the
leeder—keep a leetle behind out of re
spect for him, or else Keep a lecile
ahed which will eucurridge him with
yoor egzampie. Il the rest of the
quire sings ahed ol'iha leeder, yu keep
tuhiud; aud- the rest sings behind, yu
oi . •
Drugs,
Mt'dicines,
Chemicals,
Pat. Med.,
Pair.ts, Oil,
Glass*
Putty,
Fancy and
Toil. Art.,
Soaps, Per
fumery,
Brushes a
variety.
Wines,
Brandies,
4*c., 4 - c.
keep alietl. this will oiv variety.
14. Follow these rooles tlaly every
Siiiitiav, & it you have sucksess,
yu will b<3 sure to suckseet!.
I*. Besson. Sir..
with the Sr. il slans for snigger, —Song
Messenger.
A Soldier’s Joke —The corres*>
poiult’iil of a Virginia paper gives the
following story :
A command of eavairy, which was
afterwards distinguished for its t. r dll a in
ry. was, on its first organic ation, a
laughing stock not merely to Forest’s
veterans, hut to the Yankees tlu-m
--selves. One day, on a tram in Mis
sissippi, the rear car was occupied hy
soldiei s cracking their rough jokes upon
one another. When the ton was al its
height, a very ungainly “Relt,” with
clanking spurs, uncombed hair, and a
general appearance of long disuse ol a
‘ hiled’’ shirt, stalked to a window, and
thrust his carhiue nut of it. Tl.en he
slopped, and looking around, as though
apprehensive that he was doing some
thing wrong, and inquired, “is thar any
of It's men aboard this shebang?’-’ N”
answer, oi say, hoys, does any of you
belong to U’scavalry ?” At length some
one spoke up, saying : “I belong'to K’s
cavalry.” “Axingyer pardon stranger.”
said the uncouth individual, “my old
gun is dirty, and I wanted to clean her
out; I’m just gwine to pop a cap.
Don’t he sheared honey !”
We should not he surprised if that
joke was not bdd in the next fight at
tended by the command.
A Boy's First Composition. —An
exchange given the following as a gen
uine production, just as it came from
the pen of a juvenile, it being hi# first
composition. The subject—“ Oxen
“Oxen is a vrrv slow animal, they
are good to hi:tk« ground up. ] would
rather lia«’e horses if they didn’t have
kollick, which they say is wind col
lected in a hunch, which makes it
dangerer for to keep horses the people
would have to wheal tha re wood on a
wheal barrow, it would take two ot
three days to wheal a cord a mile.—
Cows is useful to. I have heard some
say that if they had to he tother or an
ox they wood be a cow. IJ.it I think
when it cum to have their tits pulled
off a mnrniu they wood wish they
wasn’t, for oxen don’t generailv have
to raise caves. If i hail to he ennv i
wood rather be a lieffur. But if i coodent
be a lietlur and bed to be both i wood
be an ox.”
“Josh Bdlings,” Artemus Ward, and
a host of ( titer professional, paid hu
morists. hardly ever beat this iugeuuiue
humor.
Anour the Ladies. —Whai lady is
g 0.l to eat? Sal Ladd. What lady is
good to eat with her 7 Olive Oil.
What lady preaches in the pulpit?
Minnie Stir.
What lady has to fight the Indians 7
Emmi Grant. What lady helps her?
Min •lie Rifle.
What lady is acquainted with sur
gery? Ann A^my.
What lady is fond of debate ? Polly
Tishun.
What lady votes ? Della Gate.
What lady paints portraits ? Minnie
A. Choor.
What ladv is much talked of now?
Amelia Ration.
Whn lady is used to war ? Milly
Tary.
What lady is lively and gay ? Annie.
Mation.
What lady is voracious? Annie
Condor and Allie Gaiter.
A waggish journa'ist, whn is often
merry over his personal plainness, tells
this story of himself;
“I went to a drug store early the
other day for a dose of moipliine for a
sick friend. The night clerk objected
to giving it to :ne without a prescrip
tion. evidently fearing lha' 1 intended
suicide.
“Pshaw !” said I. ‘do I look like a
man who would kill himself?’
“Gazing at me steadily for a moment,
he replied :
“I don’t know. Seems to me if I
looked like von I should be greatly
tempted to kill in}self.”
The Way it Works. —“Hello. Sam
bo! Whar did you git dat nice blue
overcoat ?'*
“Ob. go ’way nigga ; I got it aide
drawin’.”
“What for you go dar? I knows
you got plenty of good clo'ea, and !
plenty to eat, ton.”
“To be sure I is. But I seed ail de
udder niggas gwine ar.d I kiiow’d I had
jis as much right as dey. I golly,
nigga, I*se gwine to take holiday all i
next week. Bless de guvment dat '
feeds and clothes us and leaves us nffip
to do. It’s better dan old masga r
fed and clothed very well, hut always,
would make us do some w.,vk !”
“Is them fellows alive no,# >” ssid
an urchin to his tocher- “What fel
lows do you mean, dear?” “Whv,
Paul, and Luka, arid
and them ”
NO.4D.
A Boston paper relates the iw*»«**•' >"g.
“Col. U. spent the winter in Lexing
ton. K>. A friend of his went to visit
him. ‘Come Sunday,* says the Col.,
*1 want you to hearken to out church
hells here. There’s four ol ’em.—
Each sounds out its ow I) dcncinina»,u!!-
al rail.
•There’s the Episcopal. . I h;;t h a
heavy, deep toned, sonorous oed. Now
you see if that don’t ruig out— f ostoitc
succession! * Fostolie succession !
•Then the old Fresbyterian—thfit s
most as deep sounding, and that saj s .
Eternal dam*na tion ! Eternal dam-na
tion !
‘Tilt* Baptist is quiche!—a sharp,
snupp\ bell—and that says, rapid .
Come out and be dipped! Come out
and be dipped ! Come out and he dip
ped ! Couio out and be dipped !
‘But the .Methodist—that’s a crotvn.-
rr; it talks right out: Room' loculi !»
KuoinTor-aii ! Koom-forall!”
fron't (qre. —A Richmond paper
tells the following:
A young African wanted to got on the
•‘ladies’ ear” yesterday. I hi" conduc
tor told him it was tor white p-ople.
“1 doesn’t care if it am, ’ returned
Eho-skm, “1 ain’t at all proud, and ’ud
jes as leev ride w id white foiks as will
some mean niggers 1 knows.” Ho
didn’t ride, though. The eondiietyr
would not permit him tocmidcseead.
Meanness. —Tlie meanness of For
ney’s Hr css is unbounded. Tbs par
agraph below is from that paper:
None of our readers will he very
sorry to learn ol the lai!tire ol lrn*er.
Trenliolm & Cos., the well known reoof
firm id Liverpool. Tlieir business was
mainly blockade-running and negotiat
ing Cnniederate brans, Tronhwlin him* 1
sell being Secretary ol the I reasury in
the Confederate Cabinet. Their lia
bililies are large, and this crash utterly
ruins them, unless lioiace (Ireeiet,
improving on his Jeff* rson Davis fi
iiuneiai exploit, should endorse their
paper, in which they would likely
keep alloat a little longer.
The citizen* of Kentucky are about
to present to the wile of lion. J-din C.
Breckinridge, a home within the bor
ders ol tine Slate she loves so well, vml
which has showered *o manv honois
upon her distinguished husband.
—Jefferson Davis arrived at Montre
al on Tuesday, and i» stopping at trie
residence <d Ins wife’s mother, Mrs.
Howell. It is said that Mr. Davis lias
purchased the McCiverin estate at Si.
Catharine's lor a summer residence.
jKsr*Every item of intelligence w«
receive from the West indicates that <*
terrible Indian war is beginning. The
United Slates authorities are hurrying
supplies forward to the posts on the
border, and letters from the West say
there is no doubt in the minds of old
mountaineers that this is going to be
the worst vear of Indian troubles ou
the plains that w'c have ever had.
Sad Affair in Union County.—
regret to learn from tip. UfausviUe mad
carrier, Mr. John Recite, that CUarjp*
Ilill, shcrifl of Union county, was shot
on Wednesday evening 15th rust., by a
man named William Campbell. Lap
pears that Mr. Hill lead a warrant
against Mr. C., and proceeded to. his
house to arrest him, whereupon, lit*
resented ant! fired upon Mr. id ilf. tjlio •
bail taking effect in the bowels, from,,
which he died the following Friday
morning. Mr. Iltil was a young man.
3nd was greativ esteemed as an ; officer,,
and as a kind, clever and irfueueoi
citizen. 11 is sad demise has cyst a.,
gloom upon all the citizens of the
county.
Campbell made his escape and :
fled to parts unknown.— [UxiUlti&ga t:
Signal.
“Mr. Jones, have you got a match?”'
“Yes, sir, a match for the devil ; ther*»
she is mixa-ng tip dough.” Jon** point
ed to tiia wife and then “slid” for ih« •
front down the road, hot’y pursued by
a read headed lady with a cistern pole..
Poor Jones-! ,
A “greenhorn” who had never before •
soon a steamboat, fell through the
hatchway and down in the hold of one,,
and. being unhurt, loudly expressed hw
surprise; “Well, ii the durned thing
ain’t hollow !”"
A merchant’s advice in selecting a.
wife, was—“CAetlioid of a piece of calico
that will wash;'*
whv don’t you talk to your
master and tell him to lay up treasure Ltx,
heaven?” “What’s de D3e of layio up.
treasure dar ? Up never see ’uni again.
\ young fe'.m'A fond of t\’k:«tr,
marked, “f no prophet.” “True,”'
r- pli« and a lady pti-aeßt. “no profit kf#
yourself nor to any body else.”
! An Albany paper thinks it ii-* ;oTtint;
and not bur wrongs r
dretaed. 'J
Bl2ir & i* ia7 t a
i get your maney back c 0 *^*9