Newspaper Page Text
YOL. 5.
THE WEEKLY
C’arterHville Express
Is published every
m irnitig. iu CartcraviUe, 15artow County , Oa.,
l»y •*
Smith & Milam,
Proprietors, at Three IJolllirs, per an
num, strictly in advance ; I’wo Dollars for
Six Months ; Gne Dollar for Three Months.
Advertisements for one month, or less time
One Dollar per square, (often lines or less,)
for each insertion ; all other advertisements
will be charged Fifty per cent on old prices.
JONES &> MALTBIE,
attorneys at law.
Cartersville, Ha.
WIDE attend promptly to all business en
trusted to their care. Will practice in
the Courts of law, an 1 equity in the Cherokee
Circuit. Special attention Riven to the collec
tion of claims. Jan. L lSb6. ly
oho J- Jones. Maltbie.
S u r g e o n a ii cl
Mechanical Dentist.
r 1 Ml Id undersigned respectfully oiler his pro
| fessional services to the c'tizcns of ar
ti-rsville and vicinity. P re P ared
do all kinds of Ttfffffi work belonguig
to his profession. I'. 1 '* 1 , R1 , 1 , 1S °
r?.r m - ,oW ‘Tk.wu™>.r
' "f'uiU r.vUlc.F'-b, I :J. 6iU °
DU. T. F. JONES,
r l ll' \ pEUS his professional services to the
I riti/en.ofKIMJHTON and vicinity, and
respectfully solicits a portion of their patronage.
June 2.
JOHN W. WOFFORD.
Attorney at liaw,
CARTERSVItLE. GA.
Also. FIBE INSURANCE AGENT.
...•presents I lie best Northern and
•Southern Companies. Gan be lound
at the law office of Wollord & Parrott
April 10, 1806.
TISOS. m. I>«*>*>,
Attn rn c y a t La. w
and COUNTY COURT SOLICITOR.
liiagMlon. «*n.
Will give particular attention to the
'collection 1,1 claims. 26.
Jo It n It run so ii,
ATTORNEY & COUNSELLOR AT LAV/,
KINGSTON, GA.
\i{ACTItT.s I, V W in the several eoini
-1 . u .< ~f the Cherokee Circuit, also. Folk,
if .1,1 1 Floyd e.Ml,Hies, Prompt at
teuii m giv to business, Nov. 23. ly
(p ,!, ;,iopjl cards 10 cash per atinuni. \
W, H. PRITCHETT,
Attorney at Law.
CARTERSVItLE. GEORGIA.
IjU \(’ TH'FjS 1,-iw in all the courts ot the
('he.okee orrctiit > u i counties adjoining
Jail 23.
it.l low.
THOMAS W. MU-NER,
Attorney at Law,
CARTE RS VULE. SEO?RG
\\ ill at end promptly to business entrus
t,> las can-. Oct. ft vvly
JEHE A. HOWARD,
attorney and counsellor at law,
U.vRTEKS\ ILLE, CJA.
1
I | Cartersvitte, Georgia.
1. ,ip,s I,in professional s« vice ato thecibaena of
<’h, terevil.e ami su l r, undine c ui t ry, ai'd will ivttet ,1
,- ,N Ht Ml ii>nr >. Office up-sUirs in Dr. Samuel U«y-
Niw Brick Building. May 10. Uib7,wly
Lanie r Uou s e,
marietta, ga.,
BY LANIER & D3B3S, Proprietors
rpms H >use is located iu a few steps of the
I Railroad, where the cars stop. Passengers
takv three meals a day here. Meals prepared
u all hours. j u b’
JONES 4- MALTBIE,
RE 11, EBT4TE 4UEXTS,
CARTERSVILLE GA
We are authorize,l to sell, au,i have on hand several
Houses a at Lot , and also nuim rolls building lots in the
t >*,, of Cartersvil e. Also several plantations of vari
ous sis sin Bartow county. Parties desiring to buy or
sell will do well to g.ve us a call. All oommuuicaUona
promptly answered. July It. lbbu.
James W. Strange,
Dealer iu
STOVES.
GRATES,
IRON,
HARDWARE,
PLAIN AND JAPANNED TIN WARE. <£C.
Clean Linen and Cotton Rags taken in ex
change for Goo,ls. Repairing, Rooting and
Guttering done with neatness and dispatch.
Cartersvilie, Nov. 1. w ly
The Cartersville Hotel.
DR. THOMAS MILAM having fai
charge of this House, would be lj|f
pleased to accommodate a t w Board- |m
ars with feOARI), with ot without fIL Fr- ,
Lodging. Call and see him at once for terms
Cartersville, Jan 17.
S. H. Patti 11 o,
FASHIONABLE TAILOR,
IVTI attend promptly to the Cutting, Repair
\> , n g ar.d Making Boy’s and Meu’i Clohing. HPI
Offiot- iu b.ie* room of Blair A Bradshaw's store. A
Cartersville, Ga.
Dress Tailor.
IS prepared to execute all kinds
jFI of work in the Fashionable Tail
yf. ing line, with neatness and in du- -IL
rable stvle. Over J. A Co's store.
Cartersville. jan 25.
THE CARTERBVILLE EXPRESS.
Livery Stable
By
J. J. JONES, JR
CARTERSVILLE, GA,
IS prepared, ct all Mmes. to furnish the
traveling public with conveyance through
the country. Also to teed and shelter stock
at reasonable rates of board. My vehicles and
stock are kept in good condition. Mch. 15.
rfyilMvlntr p»t niv stock amt vehicles in good or
de- I earnestly solicit the public generally to call an
give me a fair trial. Rales will be as lit eral as can and
afforded. J J - J ’J r be
ECLIPSE} «*• J Sit*
SUllt,
J. G. Stocks,
TANARUS) ESPECTFU f.LY notify the l’ublic generally that
JV he lias just openned his New and Comuiodi
oua LIVKKY'AND SALE STABLE, and has it stock
ed with good horses, bugi ies, &c , and is I’rep'we'Ho
furnish those traveling into and across the c<m, try
with any kind of private conveyance. He is also
prepared to Hoard Stock in any quan'iu with comfort
able quarters and bountiful feed at reasonable^ .aWs
Stock bought and gold at his stables. Ills stock a 1
being fresh and equipage new he tlatter himself with
13
Rolling Mill Cos.,
Atlanta, Ga.
MANUFACTURERS OF
RAIL-ROAD SPIKES, CHAIRS,
BRIDGE BOLTS, BAR IRON,
NAIL ROD, AND HORSE SHOE IRON.
Castings? ot a!l descriptions, ill
Brass or iron, including
RAiL-ROAD CAR WHEELS, BOXES, PEDESTALS,
FRONTS, COLUMNS, AND VERANDAHS.
Mdl Gearing and Machinery ot all kinds.
JOHN D. GRAY, President.
October s.tf
AMERICAN HOTEL.
Alabama Street,
ATLANTA, GEORGIA.
Opposite the Passenger Depot.
WHITE & WHITLOCK, P roprielers.
r|IHE public are respectfully informed that
JL this House has been retnoddled and re
fitted, and re-opened for the accommodation
of the travelling public. Much time, labour
and expense has been expended iu making it
worthy of patronage. Modern improvements
have been added, and the public can rc v or. .s
being equal to any in .Southern cities
WHITE & WHITLOCK, Proprietors.
BRYSON & WVLEY, Clerks.
u\ 1~4.
mm&M® mmm>
COSIES J±l<T'AD
CASKETS.
By Erwin & Jones.
A SSORTED sizes kept on hand. Also
j\_ WOOD COFFINS made to order. A
good HEARSE ready at all hours.
CARTERSVILLE. Feb 1, 1867. wij
W . R. MOISTC ABTLE,
fY-Tj Jeweller and Watch and
Clock Repairer,
In the Front of A. A. Skinner & CoV store-
Cartersville jan 25
The Oldest Jewelry House In
ATLANTA, GEORGEA.
ER LAWSHE,
tC lockS| ©
ynatches,
Jewelry and
Silverware,
Watchmakers’ Tools
and material.
All Articles Warranted as
Represented.
Watches and Jewelry Repaired by
competent workmen and ll arranted.
May l, 1867. wly
Thresh out your Wheat!
Ism still the AGENT f>r the sale of those excellent
Kentucky THRESHERS. both four horse and two
horse SIZES. The recent improvements made on
these THRESHERS reader them the most desirable of
snv that are now offered for sale. They are easily
MANAGED, and not liable to get out OF ORDER.
Orders solicited, the sooner tie BETTER, so that the
MACHINES mav ariive in good TIME.
urtc.sviU, G*. Apr. l'.> xia. J J BOM .MU'
CARTERSYILLE GA, JUNE 28, 1867.
McßiilDE, DORSET!’Y CO,,
ATLANTA. GA.
To the Merchants of Georgia
amladjoinin? States:
I'l’K have already spoken through the papers to our
\V friends throughout’he South, ami advised those
who were formerly our fellow-soldiers in the Sou hern.
Army, that we had undertaken to apply, in Pea,-", the
elements of vigor, energy and promptuese, which hail
bo often gained us the day in War.
We have opened a
Wholesale Crockery
AND
GrXj-A-SS XXOTJSX3.
in Atlanta.
On a scale far beyond any before known
in the State.
We are backed by all the advantages which are de
rived from abundant means and a thorough knowledge
of the business. A large partof our goods are shipped
DIRECTLY TO US FROM EUROPE.
via Charleston and Savannah.
\ 'gs--x\ We confidently expect to supply frora
TjJ our depot in At’ant . all those mer
he W. chants throughout this and adjoining
\Jf SaJt States, who have Jieretofure made tlreir
purchases North,
We can offer as varied a stock as can be found in
New York, and we know that
OUR PRICES HERE WILL BE LOWER.
You will save FREIGHT by purchasing here.
You will save BREAKAGE by purchasing in,re.
You will contribute to the building up of a home de
pot of supplies bv purchasing here.
We have on hand and constantly arriving
ASSORTED PEG’S OP CROCKERY,
of best and mixed grade. Werepack Crockery,China
Glassware, Looking Glasses, Lamps, Cutlery. Plated
and Japanned Ware, Clooks, Ac., to order. IVe ha x
j’b lots of these goods from time to time at very lew
prices. We solicit your CASH orders, and will give
you large advantages for CASH IN UAND.
Your Friends,
April 19. 18C7. McBKIDE 1 , PORSETT & CO.
T. M. & R.C. CIARKE.
Dealers Iv
ENGLISH AND AMERICAN
Ilm dvvai e Cutlery Guus l*i*tolg
ALSO —
Iron, Steel, Nails,
Bellows, Anvils. Vices.
‘Corn Shellers, Straw Cutters, »S’hoveis,
Plows, Hoes, Chains,
Locks, Hinges, Screws,
Hammers, Hatchets, Axes, &c.
An.l all other goods usually kept in the Hard
ware line. Also Agents for Fairbanks Platform
and Counter Scales, which vve will sell at Fac
tory prices, freight added. At their old stand.
Corner ol Peach Tree and Line Street,
Atlanta, Ga-.
W, L. Kirkpatrick & Cos., Druggists,
U.vRTERSVILLE, GA.
WILL keep constant en hand a well
scected stock of pure
DRUGS AND MEDICINES.
m&m> nn®®
Patent Medicines- &c.
Jones’ Carriage Repository,
Jan 17.
J. A. E BW ” & 0°
Ji% e receiving their StocH of
SPRING AND
Shmtnttr ©ooH
COMPRISING every variety adapted to the wants of
the country, which they are determined to sell at
tlie L. owc s t Price s
Cheaper
than the
Cheapest!
All are invited to
CALL, EXAMINE AND BUY
BARGAINS.
Terms: Cash !
ami our motto is
Small Profits.
Cartersvilte, Ga., April 19,1867.
HEADQUARTERS DISTRICT OF GA.
Macon, Ga., May £7, 1867.
GENERAL OREEBS,)
No.S. <
With a view to avoid as far as practicable a
susponcion of civil administration of justice
throughout this State, the.fficers upon whom
the duty devolves are requested to report with
eut delay to these Headquarters any vacancies
that may now exist in civil offices in the state,
whether State or Local, and as they may oc
cur in future,
Bv command of Col. CalebC. Sibley. U. S. A'
(Signed) JOHN E. HOSMER,
Ist Lieut. 16th U S Infantry,
and A. A. G.
Official: O. C Knapp.
Ist T ieut. 33d U. S Tnfantry
Brevet Capt, U- S. A.
Post Adjutant. jell—3t
pEOBGIA, BARTOW COUNTY—R. hert C. Saxon
IT one of the Admlui-trators on the estate of Richard
H. Milner, deceased, having petitioned to be discharg
ed from said sdministr-tiou. All persona who are con
cerned are required within the time flxed by law. if any
tbev have, why the said Robert C. Saxon, should r.ot be
discharged accotding to the prayer of Ms petition.
Given under my baud and official -lerattire. tld- the
l*h June, W*. J A HOWARD. G.
I**
I an now receiving from New York a large
Stock of Goods; consisting of
DRY-COODS,
GROCERIES,
forkrj, Jooto,
SHOES. HITS. HARDWARE.
SADDLERY, STRAW GOODS,
Which I am offering ■'cry low for Cash.
Come and see for yourselves.
Kingston, Ga. E. V. JOHNSON.
May 17, 1867.
SEW STORK! VIW GOODS !
And New Arrangements.
The undersigned takes pleasure in announcing to the
citizens of Cartersvil’e aud sm rounding country, that
he has just opened out a most eplenucd and FASH
IONABLE Stock of
?»nt # veimn*
DRY GOODS,
adapted to the wants of the people, which he proposes
to sell at P-ice-i to BUIT the TI WES.
Ladies wi 1 tind almost Everything pertaining to their
WARDROBE.
GJSNTLI2MKN will find Material and Furnishing
Gooda for Clothing.
Families Triil-fir.d all kinds of goods common for do-
MIST 1C USE, *iso BOOTS, SHOES,
Hats, Bonnets, Hoop Skir ts,
Umbrellas &c &c.
Also will keep on hand a large lot of
PAOTORT RTA-IX'JNJ'S
HK WOULD be happy to receive cells at any time
His doors are thrown w'di open, and the invitation
is to all. Gome and examine bis goods and prices.
Next, door to A. A. Bkirmer A Oo . ar.d just below the
.Post Office, T.. FERGUSON,
J- T. 3TOCK3 with Fergosjn.
iCartersville, Ga., May 15t,1i67.
MMU€k§°
fill;'
MY OLD FRIRJ9-DS A N L) CUSTOMERS will please remember, that, after having been twice burned cut, 1 habere-
Burned the DRUG BUSINESS with Mesars. T. J. & M. B. SWAiNSON, under the style of
sr:&$gJST. §w&wmw #
AT ROARK’S CORNER, NEXT DOOR TO W. H. BROTHERTON, ATLANTA, GA.
! 1 will be pleased to meet all my old friends at our new place of business, whero 1 am prepared to snow them a large
and well a»Boi tcd Btock of
purposes, and at verv low figures,
R.'J. MASSEY, late
Massev and Jlcrtv.
icb 1 ATLANTA. GA.
mmmmm
ZMI OWES
ARD
j REAPER.
EJest Alachine in the World.
Manufactured by C\ Ault man Cos.
CANTON, OHIO,
For 1867.
WE have been appoint Jgjgk i&Jh
ed agents for the sale o =. jg
aJ, this celebrated Mowe —" ’'A , .
and Reaper, for the coun
tl>- oi Bart-ow, Gordon, Cherokee, and Pi-kdn?. and
will sell to any parties ".’ho wish the M ichine delivered
to them here. The prices are low- and terms reason
able! Please call at once and obiaia circulars giving
description and prices, or address
JOHN J. HOA P.D, or
W. H. GILBERT.
Cartersville, Ga.. April lii is 67. w ßm
J- ’W- MAXVtrBL'L. '
i 2RICX MASON.
1!. prepared to do all kinds of work la Brick and
Stone at short notice. Has -i hand a fine lot of newly
burned biick und i* prepared to uo work n' cu the
Cz : ’i v- .-I t-_rms
Carters .j* Ga.. Ms-- Bed. HCT,
A. SIR i\LL CAT.
Pat Maloney, beter known by the
name of Father Pat, on returning from
work, one evening, was met ai the gate
by Biddy, his better-half, iu a high
state o{ excitement.
“Pat,” says she, “there’s a strange
cat in the cabin.”
“Cast her out thin ; don't be bother
in’ me about the baste.”
“Faix an’ I’ve been striviu’ to do
that for the matter of tin minits past,
but she is beyant my reach, behind the
big red chist in the corner. Will yez
be alter helpin’ me drive her out, Pat ?”
“To be sure 1 will; bad luck to the
consate she has for me house. Show
her to me Biddy, till 1 show her the
respect that’s due to a man in his own
liouse— -Jo be takin’ possession without
so much as by yer lave—the thafe ’o
the world !”
Now, Pat had a special antipathy to
cats, and never let pass an opportunity
Uo kill one. This he resolved to do in
tiie present case, end instantly formed
a plan for the purpose- Perceiving
but one way of egress lor the animal,
he says to Biddy :
“Have yez iver a male bag in the
house, me darlint ?”
“Divil a one is there, Pat. Yez
took it to the mill wid yez, to bring
home chips this mornin.”
“Faix, an’ I did, and there it is yet
thin. An’ have ye nothin’ at all in
the house that will tie up like a bag,
Biddy?”
“Troth, an’ l have, Pat. There’s
me Sunday petticoat—ye can draw the
strings up close at the top, an’ sure it
will be better for leltin’ that cat lavin’
>’ c ’”
“Biddy, darlint, ye arc a jewel; just
he after bringing it to meat wunst.”
Biddy brought the garment, and sure
enough it made a good substitute for a
bag.
Pat declared at a glance that it was
“illegant.”
Fo, holding it close agsinst the edge
ol the chest, he look a look behind,
and saw a pair of eyes glaring at him.
An’ is it there ye are, ye divil? Be
out o’ that, row, bad luck to yez, ye
ihavin’ vagabotie. Bedad an’ ye won’t
lave at all with perlite axin’—yerself
will bate the pigs intirely. Biddy, hav
yez any hot wather ?”
“Sure I’ve the full o’ tay kettle, all
a biiin’, Pul.”
••Be after castin’ the matter of a
quart thin behind the chest, and we’ll
see how the baste minds the like o’
that.
“Hcwld close, thin, here goes the
steamin’ hot wather.”
So saying, clash went the water, and
out came the animal into Pat's trap.
“Arrali, be the holy poker, I have
him now, Biddy. It is nine lives vc
have, ye baste. Well, now, be axin’
me pardon for all the thaivin’ ye’ve
beeeti doin’ in my bouse, or its nine
lives will not save ye. Biddy saze
liowld o’ the poker, and whilst I
shoulder the bag, just whack the day
light out o’ the haytliin divil intirely.”
Pat threw the bundle over his shoul
der and Biddy struck about three blows
to the tune of St. Patrick’s day in the
morning, when she suddenly stopped.
“What smells so quair. Pat? Sure
its takin away me breath wit! the pows
er ol it. Oil, murther, Pat! its the
divil ye have in the sack !”
“Bate him, thin—bate the horns
olP.”
“I’m faintin’—cast him off ye, Pat.”
“Och, mother! raulher! Biddy Ma«
loney what have ye dyne? Ye’ve
went and mistaken a horrible polecat
for a harmless tame cat!”
“Pat. tor the love of me, if we are
convanient to the door unclose it, for
Pm perisht intirely. Oh, Biddy Ma
loney, that ever ye should lave ould
Ireland to be smothered and murdered
ill this wav!”
“Faix, the little villin bates the divil
himself; lie’s ruined me house and kilt
Biddy, ail’ put me out o’ eonsate wid
me own self. Oh, ye motherin baste!”
By dint of washing and scouring and
airing, and the burial of Biddy’s best
petticoat under the ground for a space
of time, things were at length set to
rights again.
But not a little recrimination took
place between them on the occasion,
and neither of them ever forgot the
expulsion from the cabin of Biddy's
“strange cat.”
llie Deacon’s four reasons.
Not long Ego the subject olthe erec
tion of an orphan asylum was agitated
in Cleveland. There were differences
of opinion touching the location of the
institution.
At a meeting called to settle the
question. Deacon Black, who was a
strenuous advocate ol an up-town
locality, debated the point.
The Deacon is a man always ready
and prompt to speak in meeting, but
remarkably apt to find himself on his
pins without any very clear or distinct
idea of what on earth he is going to
say. Oil this occasion, he jumped up
and exclaimed:
“The asylum ougth to be built up
there for four reasons. First—”
Thus far it was all plain sailing, but
at ikis point the deacon first began to
conjure up his reasons, and found that
they did not come as readily as he
wished. He thought a moment and
Drugs,
Medicines,
Chemicals,
Pat. Med.,
Paints, Oil,
Glass,
Putty,
Fancy and
Toil. Art.,
Soaps, Per
fumery,
Brushes a
variety,
Wines,
Brandies,
Yc., 4-c.
w eiu on again ;
“First, ahem, first, because they are
going to build a church in that neigh
borhood, and if the orphans want any
religious instructions, they can go there
and get them
So the first was got along with. But
now for the second—
“Second—(anotherpause.) Second !
there is a water-cure establishment up
there, and if they want to wash and
bathe and get cured in that way, they
ca;i go there and do it.”
“Bravo, deacon! you are doing
well.”
“Third (another omnious pause,
and a stout struggle ) Third ! the luna
tic asylum is close by, and if they get
crazy, they can go there.”
“Bravissimo, deacon! One more
charge and four reasons are stated.”
Deacon comes up bravely to the
work, with land discernable somewhere
ahead:
“Fourth—The new cemetery lias
just been opened in that neighborhood,
and il they die, they can go there !”
It is needless to add, that the dea
con's “four reasons triumphed overall
argument, and asylum was built where
he wanted it to be. —Albany Register.
A Good Joke. —Many years ago,
when church organs first came in use,
a worthy old clergyman was pastor of
a church where they had just purchas
ed an organ. Not far from the church
was a large town pasture, where a great j
manv cattle grazed, and among them a j
large bull. One hot Sabbath, Mr.!
bull came up near the church grazing,
and just as the Rev. B was in the
midst of his sermon—“boo-woo-woo”
went the btill-
The parson paused, looked up at the
singing seals, and with a grave face,
said,
“1 would thank the musicians not
to tune their instruments during ser
vices, it annoys me very much.”
The people stared, and the minister
went on.
“800-woirwoo,” went the bull again
as he drew a little nearer the church.
The parson paused again and ad
dressed the choir ;
“I really with the singers would not
tune their instruments while 1 am
preaching.”
I'iie congregation Filtered, lor they
knew what the real cause of this dis
turbance was.
The old parson went on again, and
he had jiibt about started good, when
‘Bo-woo-woo’ came from .Mr. bull.
The minister paused once more and
exclaimed,
“I have requested the musicians in
the gallery not to tunc their instru
ments during the sermon. 1 now par
ticularly request Mr. L. that he
will not tune his double base organ
while I am preaching.”
This was too much. I. got up,
too much agitated at the idea ot speak
ing out in church, and stammered out,
“It is-isn’t me, Parson , it—is
that d—d town bull”
The Lump in hi* Side.
A man long noted for intemperate
habits was induced by the liov. John
Abbot to sign the pledge ‘in his own
way,’ which he did in these words, ‘I
pledge myself to drink no intoxicating
drinks for one year.’ Few believed
he could keep it, but near the end of
the year, he again appeared at a tern"
perance meeting, without once having
touched a drop.
‘Are you going to sign again ?’ asked
Mr. Abbot.
‘Yes,’ replied lie, ‘ifl can do it in
my own way,’ and accordingly he
signed the pledge for nine hundred and
ninety-nine years,‘and if, said he, T
live to that time, I intend to take out
a life lease.’
A few days after he called on the
tavern keeper, who welcomed him
back to his old haunt.
‘Oh, landlord.’ said he as if in pain,
‘I have such a lump on my side !’
‘That’s because you have stopped
drinking,’ said the landlord. ‘You
won’t livelong if you keep oil.’
‘Will drink take the lump away ?’
‘Yes, and if you don’t drink, you’ll
soon have a lump on the other side.
Come, let’s drink together,’ and he
poured out two glasses of whiskey.
‘I reckon 1 won’t drink said the
former inebriate, “especially i( keeping
the pledge will keep another lump, for
it isn’t so bad after all,’ and with this
he drew the lump—a roll of greenbacks
from his side pocket, and walked off,
leaving the landlord to nis reflection.
A native of Africa, who had visited
England a few years ago, when asked
what ice was said; “Him be water
fast asleep.
An Ohio paper says there is a man
iin Cleveland so mean that be sits on
the door-steps, Sundays, to save the
wear of bis pew cushions.
Courtis an irregular active transitive
verb, indicative mood, present tense,
third person, singular number, and
agrees with all the girls—don’t it?
The way they weigh hogs in Kansas
is as follows :
They first tie the hog to cue end of
a rail, balance the jail on a fence with
rocks tied to the other end. and then
guess how much- the rocks weigh.”
NO. 51.
A. BuMiiisr3latt-.li.
A. correspondent relates the follow
ing laughable story :
1 knew a darkey once, who, unlike
mosl of lus race, was industrious and
i economical. The result was that ho
j owned a -house and lot,’ near it village
in western Pennsylvania, lie soon
concluded that it wouldn’t do to own
property of this kind without keeping
domestic animals on it, and determined
to -stock’ it. His first acquisition was
an old sheep of the male persuasion,
which he was very fond of. He spent
many leisure moments playing withlhu
animal, and teaching it various pranks,
llis chief amusement was to get down
on the grass on all-fours and nod defi
ance at the animal. Seeing which, the
lattter would make a savage plung at
him, and attempt to try whose head was
the hardest. (It was a question.) But
as the savage creature came forward
like a battering ram, the darky would
incline his head suddenly and drop his
face upon the earth. The consequence
was that the sheep, missing his mark,
would tumble over and over, a rod or
two. OIIU 0.1) UlO tV>U\JNV cjUui! vv
couple of passing neighbors to witness
his achievement. They came to the
fence and looked over while he got.
down on liis hands and knees,as usn-i!,
and began to nod at his property.- ■
The sheep did not seem to see him at
first, but presently raised bis head irmu
the grass on which it was grazing, and
frowned upon him.
“Oh, j is’ watch him now,” said Sam
bo, in glee.
Old buckey made a rush, as was his
wont, and Sambo suddenly dropped his
face to the ground. But as the fiends
would have it, his flat nose came in
contact with a small sharp snag he had
not observed before, and he jerked hack
juei in time to receive the full shock of
the sheep’s hard head between his own
nose and the wool. There was such a
rolling and tumbling over and over lor
the next quarter of a minute, that the
neighbors could not tell which wvs tho
sheep and which was the darkey. —-
They soon got separated though, and
the darkey got slowly up, grinned
foolishly, and said :
“Pun inv word he nebber done dat
afore ! (fitting too smart for ills nitreer.
I’sc a gwinc to stop toolin’ with sich a
fellah as dat !”
There was plentv of mutton in tin*
neighborhood the next day, but the
sheep was never seen again.
An Arab’s loka of Equality.—■
41 What do you think of equality ?” I
asked an Arab chief one day. “Do
you believe that all men are equal ?”
“Without doubt,” said lie, “all men
are equal as the fingers of the hand.”
Showing me his slim, nervous hand*
he continued :
“Behold !” said he, “look at those
five fingers ; their origin is common;
they cannot be parted without grave
wounds; but one of ihem i‘.o ig, the othi r
shorter. If all were alike I could
neither touch nor strike, nor grasp.—
Be sure it is with men as with
fingers of the hand.”
Little Frank —Great Caesar, mother,,
what an apple !
Mother—lts wicked, Franky, to say
•Great Caesar’ I’ve often reproved
you for using this bad word, which you
have learned from the boys in the
street, but you keep on using it. Now,
I tell you what I will do. I will givw
you live cents not to say ‘Great Caesar’
any more.
“It’s a bagain, mother,” cried t!u*
little four year older, and the money
was paid.
Two or llire days afterwards little?
Frank came running into the bouse
from his play-on the street, his eyes
glistening and his checks red with ex
citement.
“Mother, mother, I’ve learned anew
won! from the boys. It is ‘Great
Peter.’ Give me five cents more and
I’ll quit saying that, too.”
“Sally,” said a green youth in ven
erable white hat and gray pants,
through which his legs projected a half
a foot, perhaps more. “Sail,” before
we go into this museum to see the.
serenaders, 1 want to ask you sum
thin.”
“Well, Ichabod, what is it?”
“Well, you see, this’ere business is
gwine to cost a bull quarter apiece,
and I can’t afford to spend so much for
nothing. Now', es you’ll hev me,
darned es I don’t pay the hull on’u
myself; 1 will!”
A famous judge came late to court
One day in busy season ;
Whereat bis clerk, in great surprise,.
Inquired of him the reason.
“A child was born,” bis honor said,
“And I’m the happy sire.”
“An infant judge?” “Oh, no,” said ho'
“As yet he’s hut a crier.’-’
A coxcomb, talking of the transmi
gration of souls, said :
“In the time of Moses, F have go
doubt I was the golden calf.”
“Very likely ,” replied a lady, “time,
has robbed you of nothing but the
gilding. ”
A schoolmaster in Ohio advertises
that lie will keep Sunday School twice
a week —on Tuesdays .ntU Saturdays.