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THE JEFFRESON NEWS & FARMER,
Vol. 1.
THE
Jefferson News & Parmer,
B Y
HARRISON & ROBERTS*.
A LIVE FIRST CLASS
"Weekly IST ewspaper
FOR THE
‘
Farm, Garden, and Fireside
3?nblish.ecL
Every Friday Morning
AT
LOUISVILLE, GA
TERMS s2§o PER ANNUM IN ADVANCE
RATES OF ADVERTISING.
1 year.
6 months.
3 months.
4 weeks.
i 1 week.
| SQUARES
I ' , SLUU $3.26 $7.00 $12.00 $30.00
a 1.75 6.00 12.00 18.00 30.00
3 2.00 7.00 10.00 28 00 40.00
4 3.50 9.00 25.00 36.00 60.00
5 ! 4.00 12.00 28.00 40.00 60.00
Icoll 6.00 15.00 34.00 50.00 75.00
icoli 10.00 25.00 60.00 80.00 120.00
1 col | 20.00 60.00 80.00 120.00 160.00
leual advertising.
Ordinary's. —Citations tor letters
ot ad ninistration, guardianship, &c. $ 3 00
Homestead notice —• 2 00
Applicationtor dism’n from adin n.. 000
Applicatioufor dism’u ofguard’n '3 50
Application for leave to scllLand—.. 5 00
Notice to Debtors and Creditors..— 300
Sales of Land, per square of ten lines 500
Salo of personal per sq., ten days.... 150
Sheriff's — Each levy often lines 2 50
Mortgage sales of ten lines or less.. 500
Tax Collector’s sales, (2 months 5 00
Clerk's-- Foreclosure of mortgage and
other monthly’s, per square 1 00
Estray notices,thirty days 3 00
Sales of Land, by Administrators, Execu
tors or Guardians, are required, by law to
be held on the first Tuesday in the month,
between the hours of ten in the forenoon
and three in the afternoon, at the Court
housointho county in which the property
s situated.
Notice of these sales must be published 40
days previous to the day of salo;
Notice for the sale of personal property
must Dc published 10 days previous to sale
day.
Notice to debtors and creditors, 40 day
Notice that application will be made of
the Court of Ordinary for leave to sell land,
4 weeks.
Oitations for letters of Administration,
Guardianship, &c,, must be published. 30
lays—for dismission from Administration,
nonthly six months, for dismission from guar
lianship, 40 days.
Rules for foreclosure es Mortgages must
be published monthly for four months —for
Sjtablishing lost papers, for the full space oj
three months— for compelling titles from Ex
•cutorsor Administrators, where bond has
teen given by the deceased, the full space
of three months.
Application for Homestead to be published
twice in the space of ten consecutive days.
LOUISVILLE CARDS.
j G. CAIN J. H. FOLHILL.
CAIN a POLHILL,
ATTORNEYS AT LAW
LOUISVILLE, GA.
May 5,1871. 1 ly-
T. F. HARLOW
Watcli MaKer
—AND—
IH. EPAIRE H.,
Louisville, Oa.
Special ATTENTION GIVEN to reno
vating and repairing WATCHES, CLOCKS,
JEWELRY, SEWING MACHINES &c., &c.
Also Agent lor the best Sewing Machine
that is made
fy 5,1871. 1 lyr:
DR. I. It. POWELL^
r LOUISVILLE, GA.
Thankful for the patronage
enjoyed heretofore, takes this method of con
tinuing the offer of his professional services to
patrons and friends.
May 5, 1871. . 1
W. H. FAY,
i LOUISVILLE, OA.
S A D X> Xj E
—AND—
Harness Ivlaider.
ALSO ,
BOOTS cfc SHOES
ade to order All work warranted and sat
isfaction guaranted both as to work and pn ce
Give me a call.
May 5,1871. I fim -
MEEIOAIi.
Dr. j. R. SMITH late of SandersvilleGa.,
offers his Professional services to the
citizens of Louisville, and Jefferson county.
An experience of nearly forty years in the
profession, should entitle him to Public Con
fidence. Special attention paid te Obstetrics
and the diseases of women and children. <}f'
geo at Mrs. Doctor Millers.
Louisville June 20,1871. 8 ts.
Louisville, Jefferson County, Ga., Friday, September 22, 1871.
flfedlaraus.
Women and Wine.
Woman has never been associat
ed with wine without disgrace and
disaster. The toast and the bac
chanal that, with musical allitera
tion, couple these two words, spring
from the hot lips of sensuality and are
burdened with shame. A man who
can sing of wine and women in the
same breath, is one whose presence
is disgrace, and whose touch is pol
lution. A man who can forget moth
er and sister, or wife and daughter,
and wantonly engage in a revel in
which the name of woman is invoked
to heighten the pleasures of the in
toxicating cup, is, beyond controver
sy and without mitigation, a beast.
“Dost thou think, because thou art
virtuous, there shall be no more
cakes and ale?’' Aye, cakes and
ale, if you will, but let it.be cakes
and ale. Let not the name by whicli
we call the pure and precious ones
at home be brought in to illuminate
a degrading feast.
Os the worst foes that woman has
ever had to encounter, wine stands
at the head. The appetite for strong
drink in man lias spoiled the lives ot
more women—ruined more hopes
for them, scattered more fortunes
for them, brought to them more
shame, sorrow, and hardship—llian
any other evil that lives. The coun
try numbers tens of thousands—nay
hundreds of thousands —of women
who are widows to-day, and sit in
hopeless weeds because their hus
bands have been slain by strong
drink. There are hundreds of thou
sands of homes,scattered all over the
land, in which women live lives of
torture, through all the changes of
suffering that lie between the ex
tremes of .tear and despair, because
those whom they love, love wine bel
ter than they do the women they
have sworn to love. There are wo
men by thousands who dread to
hear at the door, the step that once
thrilled them with pleasure, because
that step has learned to reel under
the influence of the seductive poison.
There are women groaning with
pain, while we write these words,
from bruises and brutalities inflicted
by husbands made mad by drink.
There can be no exageration in any
statement made in regard to this
matter, because no human imagina
tion can create anything worse than
the truth, and no pen is capable ot
portraying the truth. The sorrows
and the horrows of a wife with a
drunken husband, or a mother with
a drunken son, are as near the re
alization of hell as can be reached in
this woild, at least. The shame,
the indignation, the sorrow, the
sense of disgrace for herself
and her children, the poverty —
and not unfrequently the beggary
—the fear and the fact of violence,
the lingering, life-long struggle and
despair of countless women with
drunken husbands, are enough to
make all women curse wine, anil en
gage unitedly to oppose it every
where as the worst enemy of their
sex.
Women, there are some things
that you can do, and this is one :
you can make drinking unpopular
and disgraceful among the young.
You can utterly discountenance all
drinking in your own house, and you
can hold in suspicion every young
man who touches the cup. You
know that no young man who drinks
can safely be trusted with the hap
piness of any woman and that he i-s
as unfilas a man can be for woman’s
society. Have this understood
that every young man who drinks is
socially proscribed. Bring up your
children to regard drinking as not
only dangerous, but disgraceful.—
Place temptation in no man’s way.
If men will make beasts of them
selves,-let them do it in other socie
ty than yours. If your mercenary
husbands treat their customers from
private stores kept in their counting
rooms, shame them into decency by
your regard for the honor of ymur
home. Recognize the living, terri
ble fact that wine has always been,
and is to-day, the curse of your sex ;
that it steals the hearts of men away
from you, that it dries up your pros
perity, that it endangers your safe
ty, that it can only bring you evil.
If social custom compels you to
present wine at your (easts, rebel
against it, and make asocial custom
in the interests of virtue and purity.
The matter is very much in your
own hands. The women of the
country, in what is called polite so
ciety, can do more to make the na
tion temperate than all the legisla
tors and tumultuous reformers that
are struggling and blundering in their
efforts to this end.
Honest and courageous people
have very little to say about either
their courage or their honesty. The
sun has no need to boast of his
brightness nor the moon of her efful
gence.
Death as a Mirror.
One of the most singular facts of
our existence is the intensity and
rapidity with which incidents in our
past life are presented to us when
death comes to us in a sudden or
violent form, especially in cases of
drowning. An accident occurred
some time since on the Hudson riv
er, by which a number of persons
were precipitated and nearly drown
ed. Among the number was the
editor of a Philadelphia paper, who
describes his situation while under
water and in a drowning condition
to have been pleasant, but peculiar,
it seeming to him that every event
in his past life crowded upon his
mind at once. He was sensible of
what was occurring, and expected
to drown ; but seemed only to re
gret that such an interesting “item”
as his sensations should be lost.—
This is an exceedingly apt illustra
tion of the maxim that “the ruling
passion is strong in death.”
A still more singular story is told
of a person who held a promissory
note of another’s which had run for
several years ; but, which on matu
rity, he found he had put away so
carefully that he could not find it.
He therefoie called on the one who
had given the note, staling that he
hail lost it, and proposed to give him
a receipt as an offset lo the note if
it should ever be found. To his
suprise, the person owing the mon
ey not only declined to do this, but
positively denied ever having given
such a note, saying he owed him
nothing. Without legal proof he
was, of course, obliged not only to
lose the money, but also endure the
suspicion of trying to obtain money
under false pretences. Several
years passed away without the note
being lound, when the person who
owned the note, while bathing in the
Thames one day was seized with
cramp, and rescued by companions
just as he had become unconscious,
ani| sunk for the last time. The
usual remedies were resorted to, to
resuscitate him ; and, though there
were signs of life, there was no ap
pearance of consciousness. He was
taken home in a slate ol complete
exhaustion, and remained so for
some days. On the first return of
sufficient strength to walk, he went
to his book-case, reached down a
book, opened it, and banded the
long lost note to a friend who was
present, staling to him, that while
drowning, and sinking, as he sup
posed never to rise again, there in
stantly stood out before his mind,
in a moment, seemingly as though a
picture, every act and event of his
life, from the hour of his childhood
to the'hour of his sinking in the wa
ter ; and among his acts, the cir
cumstance of his putting the note in
a book, the name of the book, and
the very spot it stood in the book
case. Os course he recovered the
money, with interest.
What the Microscope Shows Us.
Lewenboeck tells of an insect
seen with the microscope, of which
twenty-seven millions would only
equal a mite.
Insects of various kinds may be
seen in the cavities of a grain of
sand.
Mold is a lorestof beautiful trees,
with the branches, leaves and fruit.
Butterflies are fully feathered.
Hairs are hollow tubes.
The surface of our bodies is cov
ered with scales like fish ; a single
grain of sand would cover a hun
dred and fifty of these scales, and
yet a scale covers five hundred pores.
Through these narrow openings the
sweat forces itself like water through
a seive.
The mites make one hundred steps
a minute.
Each drop of stagnate w’ater con
tains a world of animate beings,
swimming with as much liberty as
whales in the sea.
Each leaf lias a colony or insects
grazing on it, like cows on the mea
dow.
Moral. —Have some care as to the
air you breath, the food you eat and
the walcryou drink.— Home Health.
What inextricable confusion, re
marks Horn, must the world forev
er have been in but for the variety
which we find to obtain in faces,
the voices and handwriting of men !
No security of person, no certainty
of possession, no justice between
man and man, no distinction between
good and bad, friends and foes, fath
er and child, husband and wife, male
and female. All would have been
exposed to malice, fraud, forgery,
and lust. But now every man’s
face can distinguish him in the light,
his voice in the dark, and his hand
writing can speak for him though
absent, and be his witness to all gen
erations. Did this happen by
chance, or is it not a manifest as
well as an admirable indication of a
Divine superintendence ?— Noble
thoughts in Noble Language.
A lady once being asked what she
thought a good remedy for bee stings
said, that she hud never found any
thing belter than to keep away from
the bees ! This remedy, however,
is not always attainable by those
whose work calls them into garden
and field, or by those whose greatest
pleasure is found out-of-doors among
fruit and flowers. The bees have a
love for sweet things that leads them
into our most charming nooks anil
corners in the country. Some of
them are polite and will not sting
unless handled roughly ; but it is
well to know plenty ot remedies, as
if you are. wounded and have to
spend some lime in hunting for an
antidote, the afflicted part will be
swollen anil less easily cured.—
Hartshorn is recommended, also
kerosene oil, moist earth or clay,
honey, soap, vinegar, bruised onions,
salt ami water, saleratus and water.
Any ol these remedies which may
be at hand should be immediately
applied.
The very latest coined words we
commend to the attention of all pub
lishers of new editions of dictiona
ries. These words are “carhomi
cidomatiie” and “splitlaferriboatas
sassinsanity.” We trust we have
not infringed the copy right or pat
ent-light of the coiner by this men
tion ot them.
An exchange publishes a circular
for the benefit of young men desirous
lo prepare themselves for life. The
substance of it all is, that “Pi
oneer Hall” will be the name ol a
collegiate institution for the training
of young men in some branches of
knowledge, which will be necessary,
now that women, disinthralled from
her fetters, shall take her place in
the great arena of public affairs. Os
course husbands, brothers, and sons
must lake their places in the home
circle ; and they arc sadly unfitted
for this service by education and ex
perience. The proposed institute
will lie under the directios of a Vir
ginia matron and an efficient corps
of teachers. Cooking in the most ar
tistic style, sweeping and scrubbing,
washing and ironing of linen, as well
as the washing of plates and dishes,
will be taught with the utmost pre
cision. Diplomas will be given to
all young men who complete the pre
scribed course, Students must be
provided with two brown linen
aprons ami six cup-towels. Admail
charge will be made for other ne
cessary implements.
The recent fall of a twelve-pound
meteoric stone at Searsport, Mass.,
was preceded by an explosion, like
the report of a heavy gun, followed
by a rushing sound, like the escape
of steam from a boiler. The sound
seemed to come from the south, and
to move northwardly. The stone
dropped with such force that it sank
two feet into the ground, but was
seen to fall, and was quickly dug
out. It was quite hot and broken,
however, and could only be removed
in pieces. Its color was gray, ex
cept the outside, which was black,
and showed plainly the effect of
melting heat.
The Eric Canal. —The width of
the Erin Canal is seventy feet, the
least depth of water seven feet, and
the length of the locks one hundred
feet. The average dimensions of
the boats are—length, about 9G feet;
breadth, 17 feet 3 inches; depth of
hold, 9 feet; their custom-house
measurement averages 120 tons, but
they carry an average of about 230
tons; their average draught is, when
light, two feet; and, when loaded to
full capacity, six feet ; leaving, in
the latter case, one loot of depth be
low them where the water is shal
lowest.
Don’t fail to remember that self
interest is more likely to warp your
judgment than all other circumstan
ces combined ; therefore look well to
your duty when interest is concern
ed.
Children, as they grow to be men
and women, should strive ever to
keep their child-heart; that is, a
heart cheerful, hopeful, confiding.
This will keep them young in spirit
while they grow old in years.
A well-known English lotd is said
to have given the following instruc
tions to his steward : “We are com
ing down, a large party, in a day or
two, to eat strawberries and cream.
We shall want plenty of the latter,
so don’t let any of the cows be milk
ed meanwhile.”
A lady living in Lyndon, Vt., who
lost her husband in the late war,
had an offer ot marriage from a man
who lost his wife by divorce. She
answered: “The Lord parted me
and my husband, but your own dev
lish actions parted you and your
wife; and if you want another one
you must go to the devil for her, for
I won’t have you.”
Health, and Happiness.
The two things which conduce
most lo health anil happiness, are
labor and abstinence. Spartan se
verities are not recommended, for
they would not. be conducive either
to health or happiness ; but that de
gree of labor whiclv is not oppress
ive, and that quantity of food which
suffices lo support nature without
loading the stomach. But labor and
abstinence are two things which
mankind take most pains to avoid.
Yet what can exercise a more heal
thy influence, both upon the mind
and body, than these? And not on
ly should a man be temperate in food,
but moderate in all things. Modera
tion of disposition teaches us to re
strain all the evil workings of the
mind—lo repress jealousies, envy,
anger, malice, hatred, revenge, and
all those baneful passions which
have ruined the health and peace of
thousands. It directs us, too, to cul
tivate all the benevolent feelings of
our nature, lo moderate our desires,
and, above all, to ilt> unto others as
we would they should do unto us.
By this means we shall ensure peace
and tranquility, which are absolute
ly requisite to the full enjoyment of
all the faculties of the mind, and
that through performance of all the
animal functions of the body without
any impediment, pain, or molesta
tion. The mind thus disengaged
from tumultuous passions, and the
body free from disorders, render ex
istence a happiness to us, and life
an object to desire, while the loss ol
these blessings implies the loss ol
everything pleasant and delectable.
“To enjoy good health,” says St.
Evremond, a celebrated French phi
losopher, “is better than to command
the whole world. Health is the foun
tain of every blessing; for without
this, we could not telish the most
exquisite pleasures, or enjoy the
most desirable objects.” Without
health we can neither be happy in
ourselves, nor useful—alleast in any
considerable degree—to pur irieuils
or to society. Much, undoubtedly,
depends on original vigor of consti
tution; but, by a judicious attention
to various particulars, health may,
in many cases, be preserved, where
it would otherwise be lost.
OPEN WINDOWS AT NIGHT.
Very much lias been written on
this subject, and written unwisely ;
the facts are that whosoever sleeps
uncomfortably cool will get sick.
Tp hoist a window sky-high when
the mercury is at zero is an absurd
ity-
The colder a sleeping apartment
is, the more unhealthy does it be
come, because cold condenses the
carbonic acid formed by the breath
ing of the sleeper. It settles neat
the floor and is rebreathed, and il
in a very condensed form, he will
die before the morning. Hence he
must be governed by circumstances;
the first thing is, you must be com
fortably warm during sleep—other
wise you are not refreshed, and infla
malion of the lungs may be engen
dered, and life destroyed within a
few days.
An open door and an open fire
place are sufficient for ordinary pur
poses in very cold weather. When
outer windows are opened, il is well
to have them down at the top two
or three inches, and up at the bot
tom lor the same space.
In miasmatic localities—and these
are along water-cornses, beside mill
ponds, marshes, bayous, river bot
toms, fiat lands, and the like—it is
most impoitant, from the first of Au
gust until several severe frosts have
been noticed, lo sleep with all exter
nal doors and windows closed, be
cause the cool air of sunset causes
the condensation of the poisonous
emanations which were caused by
the heat of the noonday sun to rise
far above the earth ; this condensa
tion makes the air “heavy” at sun-
down, made heavy by the greater
solidification of the emanations by
cold ; and resting on the surlace of
the earlh in their more concentrated
and malignant form, they are breath
ed into the lungs and swallowed in
to the stomach, corrupting and poi
soning the blood with great rapidity.
By daylight, these condensations
are made so compact by the pro
tracted coolness of the night, that
they are too near the surface of the
earth to be breathed into the system ;
but, as the sun begins to ascend,
these heavy condensations, miasm,
begins lo rise again to the height of
several feet above the ground, and
are freely taken into the system by
every breath and swallowed ; hence
the hours of sunrise and sunset are
the most unhealthful of all the hours
of the twenty-four in the localities
named ; and noontide, when the sun
is hottest, i3 the most healthful por
tion of the day, because the miasm
is so much rarefied that it ascends
rapidly to the upper regions.
The general lessons are : Ist.
Avoid exposure to the ont-door air
in miasmatic localities for the hours
nclucJing sunrise and sunset. 2d.
Have a blazing fire on the hearth of
the family room at those hours, to
rarefy and send the miasm upwards.
3d. Take breakfast before going out
of doors in the morning, and lake
tea before sundown ; then being out
after night is not injurious.— Hall's
.Journal.
Circulation of the Blood.
It is known that our food nourish
es us by being changed into blood.
A healthy man has in his system a
bout three gallons of blood. This is
all contained in the heart, arteries,
and veins, and their minute branch
es. So numerous are these, so thick
ly set in our flesh, that we cannot
stick the point of a fine needle thro’
the skin without piercimj some of
them.
In all these organs—the heart, ar
teries and veins—the blood is con
stantly in motion. In the arteries it
flows from the heart; in the veins lo
the heart. And so rapid is this mo
tion that all the blood in the body
from the crown of (he head, and the
tips of the fingers, and the ends of
the toes, passes to the heart, and
from the heart to the lungs, and from
the lungs back to the heart again,
every live minutes.
This circulation is absolutely ne
nessary to the support of life. In us
passage through the system, the
blood gives up its life-sustaining
power to the different organs, and in
return, receives only waste mailer,
with which it goes loaded to the
heart and lungs, where it exchanges
this for another portion of life-giving
oxygen. With this, it is again sent
by the beating of the heart, on its
cheering mission to all parts of the
body.
When we place our finger upon
an artery, as at the wrist, or on the
side of the neck, under the ear, or on
the throbbing temples, we can feel
t life flow of the blood, making a pulse
at every beat of the heart.* But in
the veins, as on the back of the hand,
the flow is constant, and, on this ac
count, imperceptible to the touch.
If from any cause, as drowning,
or suffocation by gas, our lungs arc
deprived of a supply of pure air, the
blood is not purified, does not re
ceive anew supply of oxygen, and
so goes into the circulation a second
time, incapable of sustaining life.
Insensibilily and death are the sure
results, unless, by artificial means,
pure air can.be forced into the lungs
before life’s flickering flame is quite
extinguished.
The Expression of Dress.
Women are more like flowers
than we think. In their dress and
adornment they express their nature
as the flowers do in their petals and
colors. Some women are like the
modest daisies and violets—they
never look or feel netter than when
dressed in a morning wrapper.—
Others are not themselves unless
they can flame out in gorgeous dyes,
like the tulip ot blush rose. Who
has not seen women just like white
lilies ? We know several double
maringolds and poppies. There are
women fit only for velvets, like the
dahlias ; others are graceful and
airy, like the azaleas. Now and
then you see hollyhocks and sunflow
ers. When women are free to dress
as they like, uncontrolled by others,
and not limited by their circumstan
ces, they do not fail lo express-their
true characters, and dress becomes
a form of expression very genuine
and useful.— Meredith.
Remarkable Cave. —There seems
to be m end of wonders in Califor
nia. The latest is a remaikable
cave near Calaveras, wherein col
umns and pilasters, ornamented at
their capitals with volutes and mo
dillions, at regular intervals enlist
the visitor’s attention; while fine
representations of tapestry, cornice
and fiesco work arc engraved and
plainly visible on its wall. Every
form imaginable droopingly hang
suspended, presenting all the varie
gated colors ofthe rainbow, and bril
liantly sparkle from the pale light of
a candle like a thousand diamonds,
while a like proportion of stalagmite
underneath, with their sugar-coated
surlaces, are constantly presented
to view. Here and there, it is add
ed, are carelessly piled, bruised and
broken fragments, of jhose appropri
ate emblems of infinite Wisdom that
have succumbed to the normal des
tructive qualities of man.
Grunt, a Printer. —The President,
while making his lour of the pub
lishing ami printing office ot the
Brooklyn Union, during his recent
visit to that ci.ty, took occasion to
remark: “Well, I guess I have set
a good many columns of type myself
in Georgetown, Ohio, years ago.”
“Why, General,” said Gen. Porter,
“l never heard of that.” But the
President replied that it was true,
nevertheless.
Let no respectable, honest typo,
says the Savannah News, he asham-
No. 21,
!>■ dos the fact. We can’t expect all
I printers to he gentlemen. There
are shabby fellows in all professions.
Hother Snip*in's Life, Death and Prophecies*
In a late number of the Book IVorm,
an English periodical, devoted to the ex
humation of old and curious publications,
wo met with this curious prophecy, writ
ten in the year 1188, and republished in
IG4I. The litteral fulfillment of many
ol its predictions invest it with so much
interest that we give some extracts.
The “rhyme” and rythm is more delect l *
ive than the “reason.”
Carriages without horses shall go, 1.
And accident fill the world with woe.
Around the world thoughts shall fly,
In the twinkling of an eye. 2.
Water shall yet more wonders do;
Now strange, shall yet bo true.
The world upside down shall be,
And gold found at the root of tree.
Through bills men shall ride.
And uo horse cr ass be at his side. 3.
Under water men shall walk ;
Shall ride, shall sleep, shall talk. 4.
In the air men shall be seen
In white, iu black in green. 5.
Iron ill the water shall float
As easy as a wooden boat. G.
Gold shall be found, and found
In a land that’s not now known. 7.
Fire and water shall more wonders do. 8.
England shall at last admit a Jew. 9.
The world to an eud shall come,
In eighteen hundred and eighty-one.
1. Hail road car;-. 3. The telegraph,
Railroad tunnels. 4. Sub-marine apparatus.
•>; Balloons. <>. Iron steamships. 7. Calilor,
nia. .8. Steam. !). A Jew admitted to the
English Parliament.
CHIPS.
A wooden wedding—marrying a
blockhead.
The Lake Village (N. H.) Times
mentions a man who sent twenty
five cents for a ‘‘splendid steel en
graving ol Andrew Jackson,” and
got a postage stamp.
‘‘Patrick,” said a lady to a slip of
green Erin who was officiating in the
kitchen, “where is Bridget ?” “In
deed, ma’am, she’s fast asleep, look
ing at the bread baking.”
Fanny Fern, who married Parton
the biographer, said, “for the most
pan, the more sensible a man is the
bigger fool he marries. This is es
pecially true ot biographers.”
A traveler, we are told, being in
a wild country where he could find
no provision for himself or dog, cut
off the dog’s tail and boiled it for
supper, and gave the dog the bone.
A clergyman consoling a widow
on the death of her husband, re
marked that she could not find his
equal. “I don’t know about that,”
replied the sobbing fair one, “but
PU try.”
“I say Pompey,” said one freed
man to another, “dis chile has tried
lots ob gift fares and tings for a
prize, but nebber could draw any
thing at all.” “Well, Cmsar, I’d
’vise you try a hand-cart; de chan
ces are a tousand to one dat you
could draw dat.”
At a certain church fair, held dur
ing the winter, a set of Cooper’s
Works was promised to the individ
ual who should answer a certain set
of conundrums. A dashing young
fellow was pronounced the winner,
and received a set of wooden pails.
“Henrietta,’’said a landlady to
her new girl, “when there’s bad news,
particularly private afflictions, al
ways let the boarders know it before
dinner. It may seem strange to you,
Henrietta, but such things make a
great difference in the eating iu
the course of a vear.”
A Dutchman alter shooting a
sheep-killing dog commenced beat
ing him with a club. A neighbor
came along and asked “What are
you heating the dog for ? Don’t you
see he is dead ?” “Yes,” said the
Hozenweitzer, “hut I mean to let
him know there’s to be a hereafter.”
A cockney conducted two ladies
to the observatory to see an eclipse
of the moon. They were too late—
the eclipse was over, and the ladies
were disappointed. “Oh,” ex
claimed our hero, “don’t fret. I
know the astronomer well, he is a
very polile man, and lam sure vvilL
begin again."”
The longest railroad in the world
is the Pacific Railroad, over three
thousand miles in length.
The best specimen of Grecian ars
chitecture in the world is the Girard
College, Philadelphia.
The greatest cave in the World is
the Mammoth Cave of Kentucky,
where one can make a voyage on a
subterranean river, and catch fish
without eyes.
The largest valley in the world is
the valley of the Mississippi. It con
tains five hundred thousand aquarft
miles, and is one of the most fertiV*
regions on the globe.
The largest lake in the wferttl ia
Lake Superior, which is truly an is
land sea, being four hundred and-;
thirty miles long, and one thousand
feet deep.