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F. II FILDES, Editor.
VOL. 111.
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LOOKING rou
A DOMESTIC WIFE.
BY KIT CARLYLE.
*1 hardly know wliiclt I like beat, Jose
phine Reynolds or Ilottic Burke,” said |
young Benson to himself. “Josephine
is a splendid looking girl, a queen in
every movement, and commands adtnira
tion wherever she goes; hut on theothci
hand Ilettie is a little gem, and has a
sweet disposition although, perhaps Jose
phine has as good. Both can shine in
the parlor, and for aught I know in the
kitchen also, as all fanners daughters
should be able to do. Well, I’ll call ou
them this Monday afternoon and endeav
or to decide then. It’s washing day I
know, hut so much the better time V
so tnd on them household duties; and as 1
a u going out of town the forntei part ot
th; week it will he a good excuse lor call
lug now.”
Geoige Benson was a smart intelligent
young man and engaged in profitable
business which hid fair, in a very lew
years to’place him in independent circum
s'ances. lie wished to many, but felt the
necessity of wedding someone who was
domestic and who would be a helpmate
lie was very much interested in both
Ilettie and Jos< phine and hardly knew
which he would prefer for a wife as both
had many excellent qualities, but finally
decided in favor of the one who should
prove to be the most domestic.
George’s walk that afternoon brought
him to Mr. Reynolds’ about three o’clock
Josephine’s mother came to the door aud
ushered him into the parlor. In a few
minutes Josephine entered and wel
c.i mad him cordially. To his surprise
instead of seeming fatigued as one will
after a Mouday’s washing site looked as
fresh and blooming as a rose and as trim
in her dress as though ready for a party
while her mother in her old calico work
ing dress looking jaded aud caicworn
and referring by way of apology, to its
being washing day, sooii left the room.
“Excuse my calling on Monday, M:ss
Reynolds,” said George, ‘but I was go.
ing to leave town for a week and thought
I would happen in a few moments before
I went.”
•O, you are perfectly excusable,' repli
ed Josephine ‘and I am very glad indeed
that you called ’
‘I shall make a short stay,’ continued
George, ‘as I presume you are quite wea
rv with your ’
" ‘Oh no not at all; I have been down to
the village shopping all the afternoon.
Mother always does the washing as 1
haven’t any taste that way.’
‘Then you’ve been at liberty all day?
<Yes, certainly; washing day is not
different with me from any other; I nev
er did a Monday’s washing in my life.
Mother tried to initiate me into the mys
teri es of the art one day', but I was so
awkward that she had to give up the
experiment; and she said then there was
no danger of my making a wash-wfiman.
“Indeed,” said George to himself.
‘Father’ continued Josephine, ‘would
hire the washing done every week, but
mother says she had rather do it herself
for economy’s sake.’
‘A knowledge of housework, especial
ly of cookery, is very' desirable to a
young lady,’ replied George.
‘1 suppose it was once considered so,’
-cplied Josephine;‘ but gentlemen now a
I days generally’ hire their wives a w-ash
j woman and housekeeper and that an
■ swers every purpose and stives the lady
the trouble of acquainting herself with
such disagreeable matters. Gentlemen
of the fpreseut day fc do not wish their
wives to he slaves but companions.’
‘Very convenient logic for the ladies,’
thought George.
‘Some have a taste for such duties, and
prefer to make themselves acquainted
with them,’ said he, ‘for the sake of over
seeing their servants, and knowing for
themselves that things are doing as they
should he iffor no other purpose.’
‘True, blit I’m not one of that sort. I
abhor them. Housework is perfectly
hateful—detestable to me. Oh, dear, 1
should consider a man very cruel who
wished me to confine myself to it, even
part of the time.’
•tVtll,’ continued George drawing a
long breath tor he was surprised to hear
Josephine express herself so directly con
trary to all his previous notiontof a wo
man’s duties, ‘a lady sometimes marries
a poor man finds it for her and bis inter
est to conform to circumstances, and at
tend to duties which are disagreeable to
her, for the purpose of assisting her bus
band and rendering his burden lighter.’
‘Yes, but I make no calculation of that
kind,’ said Josephine, firmly though
pleasantly for she was really an agreea
ble girl, although allowed to grow up
with erroneous notions in regard to do
mestic affairs. '1 prefer not to wed a
man unless he is able and willing to
support me in ease and style.’
‘Then you would not make the right
kittd of a wife for me,’ thought George
thoroughly sick of Josephine’s remarks ;
and as soon as possible he changed the
topic of conversation.
‘What a lucky escape,’ said our friend
to himself, an hour afterwards, as he was
wending his way toward Ilettie Burke's
‘lt’s a good thing for me that I sounded
her upon housekeeping before I proposed
otherwise I might have got myself into
a p>retty fix. What a figure I should
cut with such a wife 1 Why I should
ho obliged to turn cook and washwoman
myself, for I covldn’t afford in my pres
ent circumstances to hire all my work
done. I should have to stop at home
and wash Monday iron Tuesday perhaps,
and bake Saturday leaving three days
out of the seven to attend to my own
business. What a fix ! Beautiful time 1
should have! my business would be nog
! lected, aud I should be poorer than ever !
and even il l could afford to hire a house
keeper it wouldn’t better the ease much,
as I should have to give her directions
and sec that things were done properly
for Josephine is far above such detesta
ble matters as she calls them. A man
that’s going to have such a wife- ought
to know it in season to he initiated into
household mysteries before marriage.
Such a miss would do very well for a
rich man but not lor me. Now for Hot
tie Burke; and if she turns out like Jose
phine in her tastes and dislike of domes
tic duties setting aside the knowledge of
them which she cannot well avoid hav
ing. as all say that her mother has drill
ed her thoroughly in them aud is full ol
whims relating to their being slavish.
&c , why then I’ll seek a life companion
in some other part of the country and ;
peibaps make it a part of my present |
journey abroad to look for one.’
Ilettie welcomed him in an old calico j
dress, with short sleeves, ala wash tub, !
and with her brown hair, that generally
curled beautiful, gathered up neatly aud
snugly on the back of her head.
“I supposed I should apologise,” said
she, as they entered the parlor, but i j
dislike apologies; and then you know
that Monday is washing day, and we'
farmers’ daughters have to be in the suds
then.’
‘And there’s where I hope to find you,’
George came near saying, but checking >
himself, he replied;’
‘I know it—it's a part of a woman’s
duties, and I am sure an apology now
would he out of place!’
‘So I thought,’ returned Hettie.
‘I fear I’m intruding,’ said George.
‘O, by no means,’ repled Ilettie; ‘we
are through with our washing, which
held out later than usual, as mother has
been quite unwell lor a week, and I was
obliged to do the whole of it to-day.—
You will stay to tea of course; it will be
perfectly convenient. Mother’s headache
has come on and she has lain down, but
father will be in presently to entertain
you.’
George’s countenance was now bright
ening up every moment, and he began to
HERB SHALL THE PRESS THE PEOPLE'S RIGHTS MAINTAIN, UNAWED BY TEAR AND UNERIBED BY GAIN.
QUITM AN, G L. 0., AUG GST '2B, 1S(S8.
! think his fears groundless in regard to
Ilettie; but he was resolved to test Iter
thoroughly.
‘Does house-work agree with yon?’ on
quired he, half trembling from uncertain
-1 ty as to ti e probable reply.
‘O, yes,’ returned Ilettie, ‘T am gener
ally pretty healthy, and then I’m fond of
it too, and you kuow that’s half the bat
tle. Mother even goes so far as to say,
sometimes, 1 can cook and take care of
the house as well as she; hut then that’s
Iter flattery, of course to encourage
me.’
‘But such is hard, and some say slav
ish,’ continued George*
‘I lliink differently,’ replied Ilettie; ‘it
is not slavish, and need not be so hard
as many contrive to make it. There’s a
right way to do everything. Some have
what is called a knack, but that is sim
ply finding out the easiest way of doing
a thing and doing it well, One can
make honse-work more comparatively
easy in that way.’
‘Well, some consider it a disgrace,’
continued our hero, ‘and others complain
that they have not a taste for it.’
‘lt is not a disgrace,’ I think a young
lady may well be proud of a knowledge
of house keeping. Many of the first hi
dies of the land have not felt themselves
above it, and why should I who ant
nothing hut a farmers daughter? As
for taste that way, a girl may as well
acquire one first as last. A man’s wife
must understand such things, and the
time to learn is when single. I often
think how ashamed I would he if marri
ed, and unable the first day of commen
cing housekeeping to c iok my husband
a decent meal. What would he think ?
why, that l was a mere doll, good for
nothing but to look at; I should cry from
sheer vexation.’
‘Well, really, I begin to almost think,
lief tie, said George, that you would even
consent to many a man who would ex
pect you to do housework all your da;s,
if you loved him, you serin u> make such
an agreeable business oi it; but I should
have but little respect Jo? a man who
subjected you to it unnecessarily.
‘Yes,’ replied Ilettie, smiling, ‘if! real
ly loved a man. his being poor would not
lead me to reject him, even if his station
was such as to subject me to close atten
tion at home duties all my life.’
‘That’s the very girl for me,’ said
George to himself, as Ilettie left the room
ti) arrange the tea-table, T need look no
j farther.’ And before he left the house
that u'gnt, he had made her an offer of
his heart and hand, which had been ac
cepted.
And so ends onr sketch. If there is
any moral in it, young ladies of ordinary
discretion will not fail to discover it.
(><l<l itml liven.
A sailor having purchased some medi
cine of a celebrated docter, demanded the
price.
‘Why’ says the doctor, ‘I cannot think
of charging you less than seven shillings
and six pence.’
'Well I’ll tel! you what;’ said the sail
or, ‘take off the odd and I’ll pay you the
even.
‘Well,’ replied the doctor, ‘wo don’t
quarrel about trifles.’
The sailor then put down sixpence
and was walking off, when then the doc
tor reminded him of his mistake.
‘No mistake at all, sir—six is even
I and seven is odd all the world over, 1
bid you good morning.'
‘Be off,’ sai 1 the doctor, ‘it is a sell
—but I have made fourpenco out of yon
i still.*
j A poor fellow says: ‘ln an evil hour I
j became addicted to drink. From that
j moment 1 have been going down, until I
have become an outcast—a loafer—a
thing of no account; fit for nothing else
but to be a member of Congress.’
i A western editor in respouse to a sub
! seriber who grumbles that bis morning
| paper was intolerably damp, says ‘that
it is because is so- much jdue on
it.’
It is said to be dangerous to he work
; ing with a sewing machine near a window
j when there is a thunder storm. It is.also
very dangerous to sit near some sewing
machines when there is no thunder
| storm.
Many and varied are i he female charms
! that conquer us. Here we find a woman
whose strength,, like Samson s, is in her
Pair: a second holds our affections by her
teeth : and a third is a Cludarella who
wins hearts by her pretty little foot.
A LEAP YEAR STORY. *
It Is a well known fact that the ladies
are allowed by the conventional rules of
s iciely and common consent to take the
lead of the men every leap year, and, if
they feel disposed, go so fur as to pop
to question, without being considered
rude or forward. Although the right or
privilege is conceded to the ladies we
seldom hear of their taking advantage
of it However, in one case, in which
ts c lady availed herself of the privilege
of leap year occurred in New York on
New Year's day. We will relate the
particulars, hut not give names for the
reason that the parties are residents ol
the city aud do not realise the idea of
having the privacy of their domestic af
fairs brought before the public
There is a certain fashionable hoard
ing house in the city of New York (we
.vill locate it on Thirty-Third street)
where a very handsome young widow
was hoarding. This lady we call widow
Cheerly who has a fortune of thirty thou
sand dollars left her by her deceased
husband, and no children.
Three yqutig cletks (we will name
them Smith', Brown and Jones) who for
tneily boarded afe-Tliis boarding house,
oalfhd tipbn the landlady on New Years
day. The widow Cheerly was in her
room and saw the young gentleman ap
proaching. She immediately dressed
herself up in her bridal array called the
landlady and inquired the names of the
young gentlemen. The landlady went
to the parlor to receive her visitors,-'Thu
widow followed inffticdiatcly and;with
out waiting for an introduction approach
ed Smith and sSffl:
‘Will you consent to beedtae my hus
band 1’
The yyung man blushed, aud was
very much confused at hearing the ques
tion from a lady ho had never seen, but
he finally succeeded in stammering out :
* ‘Owing to the shortness of our ac
quaintance and another person having
some slight claim upon my affections,
you will please excuse me.’
‘Certainly,’said the widow, ‘I will with
pleasure, as 1 did not notice this gentle
man (addressing Mr. Brown) before I
spoke to you or I would have proposed
to him first. W ill you marry me Mr.
Brown.’
T will’ said Brown. ‘The ice is now
broken. I would have been a married
man years ago, if I could have mustered
courage enough to pop the question. But
as you have taken advantage ol the leap
year and removing the stumbling block,
1 will become your husband just as soon
you please?’
‘Right off, remarked ther widow. ‘Land
lady will you please send for my bonnet
and other out door apparel.’
Tito necessary articles were sent for,
and Mr. Brown with his intended Lang,
ing gracefully ou his arm, started for
the residence of the pastor of the Boat
man’s church. W hen the minister was
about to couple them in the bonds wed
lock each heard the other’s name for the
first time. Everything went on as mer
ry as a marriage Bell, with the newly
married couple all that day.
The next morning Brown awoke. The
effect of the numerous drinks of the day
previous having entirely worn off'. lie
became serious. Ho tho’t he was in
rather a bad scrape—out of employment
in the middle of the winter, very little
I money, and a wife depending on him
! for support. While revolving the sttb
|ject ever.in his mind and not being able
j to decide what he had belter do—run or
commit suicide—his wife awoke.
‘My dear,’ said she, ‘have you any
objections to collect a few bills?’
He started thinking that she supposed
he had something coining to him, that
she desired him to collect a little for her
I benefit, and he muttered rather surly:
j ‘No I tiave no objections to collecting
money when there is any coming to me :
j ‘I don't mean that, my dear. Get up
! an J go to my bureau drawer, and there
! you will find bills to the amount of five
hundred dollars for rents due me for the
last month. You will please accept the
money from me as a New Years gilt.’
Brown leaped from bis bed, scarcely
believing bis senses or that he distinct y
understood his wife, and then rushed to
the bureau and there found the bills she
| wished him to collect,
j When we saw Brown Ire was out col
lecting bills. He fouud it a very easy
job—and we beard him expatiating upon
the benefit of matrimony.
To prevent fish from smelling in the
summer, “tut their notes off.”'
SOME SHAKING.
Tom is a queer genius, and gets off
some tall ones occasionally. 11c visited
ns the other day, in our sanctulX with a
‘How do you do, old fellow?’
‘Hallo Tom,’ said we ‘where have you
been so long?.
‘Why, sir, I’ve been down on Severn
river, in Anne Arundel County, taking
Shanghai notes on the chills and fe
ver.’
‘All, indeed,’ said wo, ‘are they very
bad down there ?’
‘Rather bad,’said Tom, drily. ‘There
is one place where they have been at
tempting to build a brick house for eigh t
weeks. Well, Ilia-other day, as the
hands Were putting an the bricks, prepara
tory to finishing it they were taken with
a chill and shook the whole building
down and kept on shaking till the bricks
were dust of the finest quality. Just at
that juncture, the chills came on with
renewed force, and they commenced sha
king with such gusto, that they were
entirely obscured for hours, and the peo
ple of the nighborhood tho’t the sun was
in an eclipse.’
‘Gas!’ said wo
N it at all,’ said Tom.
‘Why, I was sixteen miles further
down the river the oilier day, and saw
four men carrying a big pine log, from
on board of a schooner to the shore. The
chills came on, and they shook the log,
widen was thirty feet long, all up in
pieces 'of the proper length for firewood,
and then taking a reshake of it,.split it
arid piled it up, at the same timeisfpking
all the knots out of it.’
‘Can’t believe anything like that Tom ’
‘lt’s a fact,’ said Tom, aud he resum
ed:
'There’s a farmer down there, who, in
an apple p'cking season, hauls his nig
gers out to the orchard, and sets’one up
against each tree. In a short, time, the
citillscomo on, and every apple in the
orchard is shaken off the trees on to the
ground.’
‘lncredible,’ said we, holding our sides
with both hands.
‘Fact,’ said Torn; ‘they keep a man a
long side each negro to take him away
as soon as the ft ait is off, for tear that
lie wilt shako the tree down!’
Tom continued: ‘Mr. S , a friend
of mine, and a house carpenter, was on
gaged a few days ago covering thej'oof of
a house with shingles. Just as he was
finishing the chill came on lie shook every
sliinglootf and they are supposed to be
Hying about yet.’
‘Another gentleman near the same
place was taken with a chill the other
day at dinner, and shook his knife and
fork down his throat, besides breaking
the crockery ware on the table His lit
tie son, who was sitting at the table at
the same time was taken with a chill and
shook all tiie buttons off'of his inexpress
ibles, and then shook himself clear out of
them.’
We then prevailed upon Tom to desist
who did so, with the understanding that
lie was to give us the balance at some
other time.
How Cupids Arrows Fell. —Fanny
Jones says when she was in love, she
felt as it in a tunnell with a train of cars
coming both ways. Jimmicks says that
when he was in love he felt as if he were
being hung—and had a cat in his hat
and a peck of Bumblebees under his
waistcoat. Jimmicks knows the symp
toms. Julian says she felt—oli my —as
if she were in a bower of moonbeams
sinking into a bath of effulgent honey,
beneath a blaze of balmy stars, to the
tones of slow music.
Spiritual Maxims. —That gin siings
have ‘slewed’ more than the signs of old.
That the reputation of being fond of
cocktails is not a feather in any man's
cap.
That the money spent for, port supplied
by portly gents, would support many a
poor family.
Not Much Idle Time. —Down on the
“Eastern Shore” of Virginia there is an
editor, who is also his own compositor
aud pressman, who makes occasions'
voyages along the coast to Norfolk as
captain of the schooner Polly, who
preaches on Sunday, teaches scnool on
week days, and still finds time to take
care of a wife and sixteen children.
Wealth without friends iadike life with
out health; the one an uncomfortable for
tune —the other a miserable being*
The jealous man poisons his own ban
quet and then partakes ot it.
[53.00 per Annum
NO. 29
CUKE OF A CHIPPLEi
Liverpool has a good local story of a
tiger which escaped from a menagerio
and terrified the suburbs for some hoars,
la one outlying district a man who had
‘lost the use of both legs/ had sat for
twenty years a sturdy, stunted vagrant,
making a good thing out of his infirmity.
But in an evil hour for his professional
profits tlie road where lie had taken up
his seat for a score of years was
the scene of a fierce stampede. Down it
poured, pcllmell, men women and chil
dren, at full speed, screaming with ter
ror and crying out—'The tiger I tiger f"
The cripple had heard the news of the
tiger's escape, and now fear leut him
legs, or restored his old limbs; he started
up, threw away the big tow) on which
lie had sat doubled up every day, and
with an energy that left nothing behind
to be desired he bounded dowu the road
and soon outstripped all competitors.—■
The tiger' was caught; bnt tire 'crippli'
was never seen again, at least in that
neighborhood.
A gentleman who is rather given to
story—lulling, relates the following.
When 1 was a young mau l spent Sev
ern! years at .the South, residing for n
while at Port Hudson on the Mississippi
River. A great deal of litigation wan
going on there about that time, and it was
not always an easy matter to obtain a
jury. One day I was summoned to act
in that capacity, and repaired to court
to get excused.
On my name being called I informed
bis Honor, the Judge, that I was not a
freeholder, and therefore not qualified to
serve.
‘Where do you reside?’ inquired the
Judge.
‘I an stopping for the time being at
Port] Hudson/
‘You board at the hotel, I presume/
‘1 take my meals there, but have
rooms in another part of town where 1
lodge/
‘Do yon keep bachelor’s hallT
‘Yes, sir/
‘how long have you lived in that man*
ner?’
‘About six months/
‘1 think jou are qualified/ gravely ra
inakcd the Judge, ‘tor I have never
known a man to keep bachelors hall tho
length of time you name, who had not
dirt enough in his room to make him a
freeholder! The court doesn’t excuse
you.’
An advertisement appears in a wes
tern paper which reads as follows: ‘Run
away—a hired man named John with
bis nose turned up five feet eight inches
high, and had on a pair of corduroy pant*
much worn.”
A young lady who was rebuked by
her mother for kissing herjiutended, justh
tied the act by quoting the passage
Whatsoever that men should do unto you
do ye even so to them.
‘I say mister/ said one crossed eyed
individual to another, how came your
eyes so crooked ?’—Through sitting be*
tween two girls and trying to make love
to both at the samo time/ replied the
other.
Tom and Joe were talking over their
travels, when Tom asked his chum—
‘Were you ever in Greece?’
‘No/ replied Joe; ‘but 1 once fell into
a thundering big tub of soap 1’
Never bo so iudc as to say to a rnarr,
“There’s the door;’ but address him moro
politely, thus; —"Elevate your golgo
tlia to the summit Jofyour pericraniww,
and allow me to present to your occular
demonstrations that scientific piece of
mechanism which constitntes the egress
portion of this department/
“Honesty is the best policy, hut ft
keeps a man shocking poor, ,r said Smith
as he wet the sugar without mixing it
with sand.
A negro being asked if his master wa»
a Christian, replied, ‘No sir—he’s a mcnr
tier of Congress/
Content hai gs not so high but tbatP
rnau on the ground may reach it.
There are, around u»; thousands and!
thousands of homes, ail the chambers of :
which arc made (lark or cheerless for
! lack of the “small, sweet courtesies” off
life, so cheaply given, and so magical iw>
llicir cfl’ect.
Every pound of cochineal contains
• seventy thousand insects, boiled to'
death.