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THE PIGEONS WON.
In Spite of Clipped Wings They Got
Back on Time.
The colonel was something of a
pigeon fancier mill had so much run-
tidence In a certain strain of homers
lie was making a bobby of that when
iiis friend the ur.ijor proposed a wager
the colonel removed the limit.
••We’ll make it a suppii.h,” said the
major “Vo' hlaek boy will tote a palah
«>vuh to tlio cyahs an' ship them to St.
Loua.v, wbaah they all to lie noniiraieu
«>u nbrlval. 1 wagah they all not back
in two days, sail."
The colonel accepted, crated his fin
est pair and Included a note to the ex
press agent with the Charges. Mean-
vhile the major communed with Joe,
the colored boy, and after the tender
ing of a certain half dollar and prom
ises of Immunity from the conse
quences of the colonel’s wrath Inter
Joe agreed to clip the pigeons’ wings
•mb rosa.
Two days passed, ami the major pre
sented lilinself duly at the colonel's.
The colonel eyed him with suspicious
narrowness.
“Have they thrived?” asked the ma
jor gnyly.
“They hev, snh,” said the colonel,
with dignity; "they hev, but those two
pidgins, sail, her the so’est feet 1 evah
•nw ou a bird, sub."—Browning's Mag
azine.
BE SURE YOU’RE RIGHT.
Then Take a Long Think and Mind
Your Own Business.
The other day n man traveling on o
shore line train noticed, protruding
from an overhead rack, n dress suit
case which he recognized as belonging
to a friend. He knew that his friend
always got off at the station which
(hey bud Just passed, and as he was
not in the seat the conclusion was In
evitable that he had jumped off the
train and forgotten it.
The man called the conductor and
explained the case to him. After some
discussion and a mild protest on the
part of the conductor that It wasn't a
pnrt of ills duty, the suit case was put
tiff nt the next station, with instruc
tions to send It hack on the first train
the other way.
The man, feeling Hint he had done
»n able and friendly act, settled down
lor the rest of his Journey.
But not for long. The fnco of Ills
friend, who had been In the smoker
and who happened on that particular
afternoon to be going on to New Lou
don to attend a dinner party—loomed
before him.
The moral of this Is, of course, quite
evident
Be sure you’re right and then mind
your own business.—Life.
A TEMPERANCE UNION.
BEETHOVEN.
Members Limited to Fourteen Drinks
cf Liquor Daily.
“Signing the pledge" is no new thing,
as is proved by researches In Italy.
Interesting particulars of what would
appear to be the earliest examples of
written pledges to abstain from gam
bling and excessive drinking are given
In the Turin Sunil Medieval! by Signor
Girolamo Discsro, who has discovered
three such documents in the
of Milan. The ttrst of these reouua la
an oath sworn on the gospels by Gia
como I'asquall and Armunlno Duea
to the effect that for two years they
will abstain from gambling In I’avla
or within three miles thereof and will
likewise refrain from Inducing others
to gamble on their behalf. The penal
ly for any breach of tills oath is fixed
at r» i.nldl, payable to i’nplo Bovatorlo.
In the second document I’eruno do
Bono promises Uberto de Proto to
abstain from gambling for a certnin
period, exception being made on lie-
half of the game of blsmentiro, fit
which, however, lie was not to lose
more than 2 denari on any one day.
Further, he undertakes not to visit
any inn for drinking purposes before
the hour of vespers on Monday. A
breach of either clause of the pledge
Involves the payment of 5 soldi to De
Proto. By the third document Slleto
Ferrarlo expressed his willingness to
pay 12 denari to his brother Lotnperlo
should he be persuaded to play for
money In any place of public resort or
to spend more than 2 denari on Intoxi
cants In any one day.
The motive for these contracts Is uot
stated, but It Is presumed that they
were entered into by employees whose
masters wished to keep their proclivi
ties In check. There is nothing In the
documents to suggest the existence of
any organization for the promotion of
temperance. The honor of being first
In the field in this respdet therefore
still rests with Germany, where two
temperance societies were founded in
the sixteenth century.
Of these the Order of St. Christo
pher was formed by Siglsmnnd de
Dlettrlcbstein on Jan. IS. 1*17. and the
Order of Temperance by the landgrave
of Hesse on Dec. 25, lfiOO. The mem
bers of the one order were pledged to
abstain from tonst drinking, and Gie
members of the other undertook not
to drink more than seven glasses of
liquor at a time, and that not oftener
than twice a day.—Chicago News.
Tha Compoaer’s Own Stcry of How Ha
Be came Deaf.
Charles Noate. on n visit to Vienna,
was either commissioned by certain
Engksti authorities to induce Beethoven
to visit England or was persuading
him to do so on bis own account, and
ns an allurement lie spoke of the su
periority of the English nurlsts in their
treatment of oar disease and held out
archives | hopes that were Beethoveu to consult
♦bom ho might at least find some sort
of relief. Beethoven shook his head.
“No,” he said, "I have eonsulted all
kinds of doctors and followed their
prescriptions. I shall never be cured.
I will tell you how the thing happened.
“I was writing nn opera. I had to
deal with a very tiresome and capri
cious tenor. I had already written two
gront arias to the same words, neither
of which plensed him. and nlso a third,
which he did not core for the first time
he tried It. although he took It away
with him. I was thanking heaven I
had done with him and had begun to
settle myself to something else which
I had laid aside. 1 had hardly worked
at It half an hour before I beard a
knock nt the door, which I recognized
as that of my tenor.
“I sprang up from my table In such
a rage that us the man came Into the
room I flung myself upon the floor, ns
they do on the stage" (here he threw
up his arms and gesticulated In Illus
tration), "but 1 fell upon my bands
When I got up I found I was deaf,
and from that moment 1 have remain
ed so. The doctor said I Injured the
nerve.”—Diehl’s "Life of Beethoven."
TRY
GRAFT IN RUSSIA.
A PARISIAN RUSE.
Overboard.
“Overboard" Is engraved ou n metal
label fastened to many urtieles of para
phernalia seen about the decks of a
modern war vessel. It means that the
article so marked should be thrown
overboard whenever action with an
enemy’s ship becomes imminent. Al
cohol chests, turpentine tanks, paints,
■pare spars, unnecessary hatches and
other articles eusily destroyed or splin
tered by shell tire are thus labeled.
The president of Occident college, Cal
ifornia, Is said to have given the word
a new meaning In civil life when he
used It to Indicate those who are unlit,
useless or inapt In the struggle of life.
It Is a strong word and as such can be
appropriately applied to men and
Ihlngs which when a ship must go to
battle are not necessary or material to
the end desired.—Army and Navy Life.
Her Own Doctor.
A Washington woman recently hired
a negress. Going to the kitchen one
day, she was amazed to find the De
gress sitting on the floor, with her
tiuir standing out from her head like
« black nimbus. The girl was pull-
tog one curly lock and then another in
ouch a way as to suggest that she had
suddenly lost her reason.
“What on earth are you doing,
Mary?” gasped the lady of the bouse.
“Nawthln", ma’am; only 1 has got a
■ore throat an’ was Jest tryiu’ to und
de lock dat would pull mah palate up
au’ relieve de tickle.’’—New York Her
ald.
The Fickle Shopper.
“That wornau always keeps me
guessing,” said the grocery clerk as
she went out. “1 never can tell till
Ibe last minute whut she Is going to
buy. Just now she priced the coffee.
I gave her the prices—25 cents, 28, 30,
35, 40.
“ ‘Is your twenty-five cent coffee any
good?* she asked me.
“‘Yes,’ said I; ‘bang up.’
“ Then,’ said she. ‘give me a pound
of your forty cent, grouud fine/"—
New York Press.
The Dressmaker’s Lure That Ensnared
the Americans.
Grace Margaret Gould tells In the
September Woman’s Home Companion
some of the -ways the Parisian dress
making establishments sell their goods
to American women. Here Is one ruse
that she saw worked In one of the big
gest establishments In Paris:
There was a sudden and e\ ident
commotion among the employees.
"The princess! The princess! She
has arrived!" they cried.
American eyes began to bulge.
Out from a magnificent equipage
stepped a regally gowned grand lady,
attended by footmen and maid and re
ceived by the whole bowing estab
lishment. to the neglect of all other
customers. She was In a gracious
mood this day and easy to be pleased,
praising their past efforts and select
ing, several of their new creations with
out regard to cost. After she had
made her departure amid like cere
monies there was no need of the sales
woman bothering her head over sug
gestions. Every American woman
present wanted a gown copied from
the one the princess had bought, and
she got it after much pleading and at
a price far beyond the limit she had
set.
And the point of this fable Is this:
The princess was no prluceKs, but an
employee of the house.
Every French gown has two prices—
au American price and a French price.
It Is needless to say which is the
greater price.
Along about April the cry goes up.
“The Americans are coming!’’ and then
the prices go up too.
Along about November, when the
Americans have left, yon might almost
say they are giving away gowns, only
the Frenchman never does giveaway
anything. Then It Is that the French
woman in general and the French
actress In particular selects her ward
robe.
Removing the Difficulties In an Army
Officer’s Transfer.
A young Russian officer wished to be
transferred to another regiment and
took his request In person to one of
the lights of the Russian geuerul stuff.
That powerful officer shook his head
and declared the matter very difficult
to arrange—almost impossible. Then
Ills glance fell suddenly upon the shoes
of the lieutenant. To the amazement
of his visitor, the senior officer said
that the lieutenant’s shoes were not
nearly good enough for an officer and
that he would strongly advise him to
buy new shoes of a shoemaker whose
address he gave. Then, telling his vis
itor to return in eight days, he dis
missed him. The latter was clever
enough to realize that he could uot re
turn without the new shoes, so he hur
ried to the shoemaker. On hearing
who had sent him the shoemaker said
that the lieutenant could have the
shoes In five days for the sum of $250.
Much astonished, the officer went to a
comrade for advice. He was told to
pay half of this sum at once and the
rest when his shoes were finished.
This the officer did. and. wearing his
new boots, he duly kept his appoint
ment with the general staff officer and
learned to his Joy that all the “grave
difficulties” In the way of his transfer
had been successfully removed.
FOR
COMMERCIAL [
JOB PRINTING I
Hi* Hobby.
One man with an odd hobby Isn’t a
person who gets much mall, and what
he has or expects to have he can keep
in mind very easily. Probably be
uever had a letter which went astray.
Yet every time he sees In the news
papers the list of advertised mull sent
out from time to time by the general
postofflee In New York he turns nt
once to the initial letter under which
Ills name comes nud runs carefully
through the list. He never yet has
found any letter that might be sup
posed to be for him and. furthermore,
hasn’t found any that might he for any
of his relatives.
He takes an odd pleasure In doing It,
however, something with that eager
ness which Impels a man to grub
through a packet of old letters In
hopes that he may come upon some
rare variety of stamp. Really, If ever
he found his name In the list It proba
bly would kill bis enjoyment of the
hunt forever thereafter.—New York
Sun.
Probably Not.
<**I hate to be poor. Now, a million
aire can walk right In and order what
he wants without bothering about the
price.”
“He can,” stated the weary sales
man, ‘‘but he seldom does.”—Kansas
City JournaL
Every Morning.
Paul, at the age of four, was asked
one morning by his papa, “What is the
name of the first meal of the day?”
“Oatmeal,” responded little Paul
promptly.—Exchange.
An Enigma.
Tommy—Say, papa, I wish you would
tell me something. Papa—Well, what
Is it? Tommy—When you were a little
boy, who was my fapa?—Chisago
News.
The Bad Spot, |
Au Irishman one day was told to put
up a signboard on which were the
words, “To Motorists—This Hill Is
Dangerous.”
Away went Mike with the signboard
and placed It at the bottom of a very
steep bill. A few days later bis em
ployer went to see how the board was
put up and, finding it at the bottom of
the hill, sought and found Mike.
"You blooming fool!” he cried. “Why
didn’t you put that sign in the right
place?”
“Sbure and ain’t it?” asked Mika.
“Don’t all the accidents happen at the
bottom?”—Harper’s Weekly.
Crazy to Expect It.
Hardnppe—Say, old fellow, lend me a
hundred, will you? Itlgga—A hundred
what? Hardnppe—A hundred dollars.
I— Riggs—Oh, stop your joking.
Harduppe (earnestly)—Joking? I was
never more serious In my life. I’m
broke. Riggs—My dear man, you’re
rot broke; you’re cracked’,— Catholic
Standard and Times.
Anticipated Cauie For Sorrow.
Ina came In from the country on her
fifth birthday to visit her cousin May.
At night they were put to bed early.
An hour passed, when heartbreaking
sobs were beard from the cbildren’a
bedroom.
“What Is the matter, children?” ask
ed May’s mother, entering the dark
room.
“From under the bedclothes lna sob
bed out, “May won’t give me any of
her peanuts.”
‘But May has no peanuts,” replied
her aunt.
“I know that,” sobbed lea, “but she
Mid if she did have peanuts she
wouldn't give me any.”—Delineator.
Sufficiently Occupied.
A story la told of a colonel In Gen
era! Lee’s division In the late civil war
who sometimes ( 1ndulged In more apple
jack than was good for him. Passing
him one evening leaning against a tree,
the general said:
“Good evening, coloneL Come over
to my tent for u moment, please.”
“S-a-cuse me, g-g-en’ral, s-s-cuse
me,” replied the colonel. “It's 'bout all
I can do to stay where I am.”—Phila
delphia Ledger.
Some men are rich ’enough to afford
every luxury, except a clear conselence.
—Philadelphia Record.
Not Designed For Lovers.
He—I am sure Cupid had nothing to
do with the alphabet. She — What
gives you that impression? He—If he.
had been doing It be would have placed
U and I much nearer each other.—St
Louis Republic.
The Right Foot Foremost.
Putting the right foot foremost wns
an old Roman ordination originally
regulating the entry of persons into a
ftouse or other building and based apon
the supposition that the left was un
lucky. A boy was kept at the doer to
see that no one entered the house "left
foot first.” The phrase quoted Is thus
seen to be very antique.
We have a choice
I N
line of Stationery
and the Finest Job
Printing Establish
ment in this part of
Georgia.
Mail Orders Will Receive
\
Prompt Attention,
Herald Publishing Co.
It Is the wise head that makes the
still tongue.—Lucas.