McDuffie weekly journal. (Thomson, McDuffie County, Ga.) 1871-1909, December 04, 1872, Image 1

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VOLUME II— NUMBER 48, gontnal, IS PUBLISHED WEEKLY —A T— TIHC CUM! S OUST. GLA.., —B Y H. C. RONEY. RATES OF ADVERTISING . Trausient advertisements will be charged one dollar per square for the first insertion, and seventy five cents for each subsequent insertion. businkss kahiis. DR. T. L. LALLRSTKDT OFFERS lIIS PROFESSIONAL SERVICES To the Citizens ol Thomson and Vicinity. H. can be found at the Room over Costello's, when col professionally absent. REFERS TO Pro- J. A. Eve, Puo. Wm. 11. Doughty, Or John S. Coleman, Dr. S C. Eve. PAUL C- HUDSON, Jttorntg at fab), Tflonsoiv, gisoruia. *sST Promx)t attention given to the collection of ol&ims. * i&T Will practice in all the courts of the Augus ta, Middle and Northern Circuits. Office. —At the Office formerly occupied l>y Jor dan E. White, Esq. seplSmß H. O HONEYS Attorn n at lato, THOJiSO V, «»/. win practice in the Augusta, Northern and Middle Circuits, no I—ly CHARLES S- DuBOSE, Worrenton, Gn. Wi’l practice in all the Courts of the Northern, Augusta & Middle Circuits. Central fcjotH, r !HR«. W. ,11. TfiflOllAS, AUGUSTA, GEORGIA. seplltf W. H. HOWARD. 0. H. HOWARD, W. H. HOWARD, JR. W H. Howard & Sons, Milt b COMMISSIS3IUMTS, No. 2 Warren Block, Agusta, Geoffria. «HT Commirtsion for Selling cotton One Dollar per bale. Strict personal attention given to business entrusted. All orders strictly obeyed. Liberal (’ash Advan ces made on Cotter*. Special attention paid to Weighing of Cotton. Ragging and Ties furnished at Lowest Market Price*. eepll ts WM. 8. ROBERTS. BICH’d B. MORRIS. JAS. A. SHIVERS Roberts Morris & Shivers, Successors to Ja. T. Gardiner & Cos. WAREHOUSE A-ISTID Commission UJwlumte, Jtlclntonh Street .lutfitsin Ga, Will give their personal attention to the storage and sale of cotton, and such other produce as may be sent to them. Commission for selling cotton one dol lar per Bale. Cash Advances made on Produce in Store- Sept, 4th 3m. ;$75 to $250 per month, t everywhere, male or female, to introduce the | Genuiue Improved Common Sen-e Family Sew- Jing Machine. This machine will stitch, i.era, .fell, tuck, quilt, cord, bind, braid embroider in ’»n a most superior manner Price only sls. Fully licensed and warranted for five year°. We will pay SI,OOO for any machine that will sew a j stronger, more beautiful, or more elastic seam th «n ours. It makes the “Elastic Lock .Stitch.” I Every second stitch can be, cut, and still the lyjlotb cannot he pulled apart with »ut tearing it. [ We pay agents $75 to $250 per month and ex ' pense*, or a commission from which twice that amount can be made. Addres SECO MB & CO. Boston, Ma9s.; Pittsburg, Pa., Chicago, 111., or St. Louis, Mo. Agents—Wanted i DflilHaPO I Send stamp for catalogue ou Build- JjUllUvl b | ing. A. J, Bickuell & Cos.. 27 War ea Street, N. Y, $30.70 AgenN Profits per week —will proye it or forfeit SSOO. New articles patented July 18. Samples free to all. Address W. H. CHIDESTEB, 267 Broadway, N. Y. YOUNG MEN, Teachers, Ladies or Ministers ! Agents wauted in every County, for •* The Peo ple's Standard Bible.” 550 illustrations Extra terms. Prospectus free. Address Zegler & McCur dy, 518 Arch St-, Phila., Pa. AGENTS I Something New, 6 salable articles, sell at fight. Catalogues and one W'anteii. | sample free. N. Y. MTg Cos., 21 | CourtUndt St., N. Y. oct 30w4 D O TXT ’ T Be deceived, but lor coughs, colds, sore throat hoarsness and bronchial difficulties, use only WELL ; C4MDLIS TABUS. Worthies* imitations are on the market, but the only scientific preparation of Carbolic Acid for Lung diseases is when chemically combined with i otner well known remedies, as in the>c tablets, and all parties are cautioned against auy other. In all cft3es of irritation of the mucus membrane these tablets should be freely u.*ed, their cleansing and htaiiug properties are astonishing. Be warned, never neglect a cold, it is easily cured in is incipient state, when it becomes chronic the cure is exceedingly difficult, use Wells’ Carbolic Tablets as a specific. JOHN Q. KELLOG, 18 Platt St., New York, j Sole Agent for the United States. Price 25 cents a box. Send for Circular. LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, Agents wanted to sell Protean Button Hole Cutter, 25cts.; But ton Hole Worker, 50cts ; Needle Threading Thim ble, 25'its*; Morocco Needle Book, 50cts., (6 large &5 papers uniall Needles. sls per day sure; sam ple frre to any one at above price, Thornton & Cos. 599 Broadway N. Y. fPO THE WORKING CLASS male or female _L S6O a week guaranteed. Kespectable employ ment at home, day or evening ; no capital required ; full instructions and valuable package of goods to start with sent free by mail* Address, with 6 cent re turn stamph M. YOUNG & CO., 10 Courtland: St., j New Yb T k. AGENTS! A RARE CHANGE We will pay all Agents S4O per week m cash, who will engage with us at once. Every *hing furn ished and expenses paid Aduress A. COULTER & CO., Charlotte, Mich. 1 )S YCO MANGY, or SOUL CHARMING? How J' either sex may fascinate and gain the love & affections of any parson they choose instantly. This simple mental acquirement all can possess, free, l>y mail, for 25c. together with a marriage guide, Egyptian Oracle, Dreams, Hints to Ladies, Wedding-Night Shut, Ac. A queer book. Address T. WILLIAM A Cos. Pubs. Phila. 5506, New-York City. GREAT OFFER / Horace Waters, 481 Broadway, N. Y, will dispose of 100 Pianos, Melodeaiifl, and Organ*, of six fir.st-class makers, including Waters’ at very low prices for cash, or part cash, and balance in small monthly instalments. New-7-octove first’cliSß Pianos, modern improve merits, for $275 cash. Now ready a Concerto Par lor Organ, the most beautiful style and perfect tone ever made. Illustrated Catalogues mailed. Sheet Music Merchandise. Agents wanted to canvass for the great combination TO-DAY The Great Illustrated People's Weekly , the best and cheapest paper published. Dio Lewis and a Corps of most popular authors write exclusively for it. We give a copy of the unparalleled cliromo, Just so High, to every subscriber. Agents take from twenty-five to thirty names a day. No busiuens pays like this. Se ;<J for terms, and secure territory lor this great enterprise at once. MACLEAN, STODD aRT & CO. Publishers, Philadelphia, Pa, or Cincinnati Ohio. Important t o Horse Owners \ KBCOfIO-CHLOUtoUH ! THE NEW ODORLESS, NON-POISONOUS Deodorizer and Disinfectant. Has been used with great succe-s in Canada, De troit, Buffalo, Rochester, and other places in the prevailing HORSE EPIDEMIC. For Sprinkling the Floors of Stables, washing the Mangers, and decomposing the poison ous exhalations from the manure and urine when sprinkled with it, For decomposing and destroying all bad orders and Gases, as well as germs of disease and septic particles iu the air—thrown off by the sick animal. For purifying the Air the animal breathes by hanging cloths wet With it near his head, so that he will not breathe over and over again foul air. To sponge and syringe the nostrils and mouth, check the acrid poisonous discharges, heal all ulcers and sores. It prevents the spread of the disease by completely cleansing the mouth and purifying the breath- Horses like it while they turn away from the smell of Carbolic Acid which is poisonous and ir ritating to inflamed mucous surfaces- Put up in Pint Bottees- Prepared only by TILDEN CO., 176 William St- New York- UNSOLD BY ALL DRUGGIST. Cheap Farms ! Free Hume* ! On the line of the Union Pacific Railroad. 12,000,000 acres of the best Farming and Mineral Lands in America. 3,000,000 Acres in Nebraska, in the Platte Valley, now for ‘•ale. MEEO EEMMJMTE FEB TREE SOME for Grain growing and Stock Raising unsurpassed by auy iu the United States. Cheaper in Price, more favorable terms given, and more convenient to market than can be found else where. FREE HOMESTEADS FOR ACTUAL SET TLERS. The best location for Colonies—Soldiers entitled to a Homestead of 160 Acre*. Send for the new Discriptive Pamphlet, with new maps, published iu English, German. Sweedish and Danish, mailed free everywhere. Address O. F. DAVIS. Land Uom’r U. P. R. R. Cos., Omaha, Neb. | THOMSON, McDUFFIE COUNTY, GA., DECEMBER 4, 1872. I SIMM ON si This unrivalled Medicine is warranted not to contain a single particle of Murcury, or any injuri ous mineral substance, hut is l’uvey "Vegeta l) < . For forty years it has proved its great value in all diseases of the liver, bowels and kidneys. Thou sands of the good and great in all parts of the country vouch for its wonderful and peculiar power in puri fying the blood, stimulating the torpid liver and how eb, and imparting now life and Vigor to the whole system. Simmons’ Liver Regulator is acknowledged to have no equal as a LIVER MEDICINE, It contains four medical elements, never united in in the same happy proportion in any other prepara tion, viz : a gentle Caiharfc, a wonderful Tunic, au unexceptionable alterative and a certain correct ive of all impuritios of the body. Such signal suc cess has attended its use that it is now regarded as the Great Unfailing Specific for liver complaint a,id the painful tf-onng thereof, to wit: Dyspepsia, Cous ipation, Jaundice, Bil ious attacks, Sick Headache, Colic, Depression of Spirits, Sour Stomach, Heart Burn. &c., &c. Regulate tlv Liver and prevent CHILLS AND FEVtR. SIMMONS’ LIVER REGULATOR Is manufactured only by J. H. ZEILIW & CO., Macon, Gu., and Philadelphia. Prico $1 00 per package ; went b mail, postage paid, $1.25. Prepared ready for uso iu bottles, SOLD BY ALL DRUGGISTS. s»saS“* Beware ofall Counterfeits and imitations. - Bepllyl DUTY OFF TEAS! The trcaj American Tea <’«■ have business connections with all the principal ports of China and Japan, and Import their Teas direct from place of growth, thus saving the cus tomer from sto 8 profits, It is now about 12 years since the Company was organized—and it has been a splendid success from the very first. This was due to the fact that we imported and sold only the BEST AND PUREST GOODS, and distributed them to our customers in all parts of the JTnintajl flutes, for one small profit only, between the Tea-grower and tl'ie Tea-customer. We originated the system of supplying consumers in distant parts of the country with Teas, at New York Cargo Prices, on the Club plan. And since we adopted this plan we have saved the people of this country millions of dollars annually, in the cost of this article of everyday necessity. Send for Club Circular, which contains full direc tions, premiums. £:c. The Great American Tea Cos 31 & S3 Vesey Street. P- O. Box 5613, New York Cily. Aseiils Wanted Everywhere to sell the best low-priced Corn-Sheller ever pat ented. Let farmers and everybody who lias corn to shell send for circular to “FAMILY COItN SHELLER CO., Harrisburg, Pa. ppm* MM II BLOOD PURIFIER II ilt is n. i i. physio which may i>ive temporal j relief lei to the Suffere r for the first few doses, but wn.ch from continued use brings Piles and kindred diseases to aid in weakening the invalid, nor is it a doctored liquor, which, under the popular name of “Bitters” is so ex/ensivrly p dmed oft*on the public as sove reign remedies but it is a most powerful Tonic and alterative, pronounced so by leading medical au thorities of Loudon and Paris, and has been long used by the egular physicians of other countries with wonderful remedial results, I MS EXTRACT If JIIIM retains all the Medicinal peculiar to the plant and must be taken as a permanent curative agent. Is there want of action in your Liver & Spleen ? Unless relieved at <mce, the blood becomes impure by dcletrious secretatious, producing scofulous or skin diseases, blotches, feloin, pustules, canker, pimples, &c., &c. T ake Juruheba to cleanse, purif and restore the vitiated blood to healthv action Have you a Dy* ( >eptic Stomach/ Unless diges tion is promptly aided the System is debilitated with loss of vital force, poverty of the blood, Dropsical Tendency, General Weakness or Lassitude. Take it to assist Digestion without reaction, it will impari youthful vigor to the weary sufferer. Have you weakness of the /ntestines f You -re in danger of Chronic Diarrhoea or the dreadful In flammation of th i Bowels. T ke ii to allay irritation and ward oft’ tendency to inflammations Have you weakness of the Uterine < r Urinary Or gans? You musl procure instant relief or you are liable to suffering worse than death Take it to strengths organic weakness or life be comes a burden. Fiually it should be frequently la en to keep the system in perfect health 0r you are otherwise in great and mger ot malarial, miasmatic or conta r eous dI JOHN Q. KELLOGG, J 8 Platt St, N. Y. sole Agent for the United States. Price, One Dollar per Beetle. Send fonia NEW ARRIVALS. A FINE assortment of Ladies’ Cra vats, Collars, Undersleeves, Rib bons, Handkerchiefs, Trimmings, Edg ings &c. 25 Dozen Ladies’, Misses and chil dren’s shoes, made to order. nov2ot-l R. 11. BUSII. misfeUaucouisi. The Slarrluges of Groat Men. Byron married Miss Milbank to get money to pay his debts. It turned out a bad shift. Robert Burns married a farm girl with whom he fell in love while they worked together in the plow field. He was irregular in his life, and committed the most serious mistakes in conducting his domestic ailuirs. Milton married the daughter of a country squire, but lived with her but a short time. He was an austere, ex acting and literary- recluse, while she was a rosy, romping conntry lass, that could not endure the restraint imposed upon her, so they separated. Subse quently, however, she returned, and they lived tolerably happy. Queen Victoria and Prince Albert were cousins, about the only example in the long line of English monarchs wherein the marital vows were observed, and sincere affection existed. * Shakspeare loved and wedded a far mers daughter. She was faithful to her vows, but we could hardly say the same of the great bard himself. Like most of the great poets, he showed too little discrimination in bestowing his affec tions on the other sex. Washington married a woman with two children. It is enough to say that she was worthy of him, and they lived us married folks should—in perfect har mony. John Adams married the daughter of a Presbyterian clergyman. Her father objected on account of John’s being a lawyer--he had a bad opinion of the inaralsof the profession. John Howard, the great philanthrop ist,married his nuise. She was altogeth er beneath him in social life and intellect ual capacity and besides this, was fifty two years old while he was but twenty five. He would not take ‘no’ for an answer, and they were married and liv ed happily together until she died, which occured two years afterward. Peter the Great, o( Russia, marr ed a peasant gad. She made an excellent wife and sagacious Empress. Humboldt married a poor girl be cause he loved her. Os course they were happy. it is not generally known that An drew Jackson married a lady whose husband was still living. She was an uneducated but amiable woman, and was most devotedly attached to the old warrior and statesman. John C. Calhoun married his cousin, and their children, forunately. were neither diseased nor idiotic, but they do not evince the talent of the great ‘State Rights’ advocate. Edward Lytton Bulwer, the English statesman and novelist, married a girl much his inferior in position and got a shrew for a wife. She is now insane. Coincidences —The record of coin eidences is now having a lively run. A woman, writing to the Missouri Republican calls attention to the fact that the burning of Chicago and the Michigan fires occurred on the sixth an niversary of the burning of the Shenan doah Valley by Sheridan with troops mostly composed of Michigan and Illi nois regiments. Sheridan laid waste that beautiful district, so that ‘even a crow flying over it would have to carry his rations with him,’ The burning of the Michigan towns is said to have been terrible, and ‘the flames seemed to leap from the sky as if by magic, overtaking and destroying peop'e and cattle by the roadside.’ The Boston fire began on the 10th of November. On the 10th of November General Sherman issued his order to burn Rome and Atlanta. —Atlanta Con stitution. Anew and well-executed counterfeit of the SSO bill of the new issue of greenbacks has been discovered lately in circulation at the South by the gov ernment officials, and it is supposed a preconcerted movement lias been made to scatter them broadcast over the coun try, especially the South, where it is supposed the majority of the people are not familiar with the designs of the Federal currently. A lawyer is something of a carpenter, He can file a bill, split a hair, make an en try .get up acase, frame an indictment, im panel a jury, put them in a box, nail a witness, hammer a judge, bore a court, and other like things. Robert E. Lee’s room at the Lexing ton University is to be left ‘forever un touched.’ Advertising Rates. —The New York Tribune, of the 11th, publishes a list of the circulation of its weekly edition by ritates and territories ma&ing it 170, 780. It is au appeal to advertisers.— The Tribune’s price for advertising in its weekly edition varies from five dol lars to two dollars per line each publi cation, while cuts and displayed adver tisements are charged double. No ad vertisement charged for less than two lines. An advertising line makes the space of about one-twelfth of an inch, and, therefore, the charge for an inch long, at the lowest rates, for one publi cation, would be twenty-four dollars, In the most conspicious place, it would be sixty dollars, and in cuts or fancy type it would be $l2O. This seems a high price, but the Tribune has no difficulty in procuring it; and, mesured by the circulation of that paper, the highest rates is about seventy-five cents psr thousand copies of the advertisement printed.— The current rate with leading Georgia papers of large circulation for contract advertising will scarcely amount to ten cents air inch per thousand copies print ed, although, speaking relatively, it is more valuable for local business purposes —the circulation being local. There is nothing, indeed, in the whole range of trade so cheap as advertising. If a man were to offer to print and circulate daily a merchant’s card of propositions to his customers at 10 cents per thousand copies, he would be considered insane ; but this is more than the Georgia newspapers of large circulation generally charge, to regular business advertisers. That is to say, (so far as we are advised,) the best establish ed and most popular newspapers in Georgia do not get ten cents an inch, per thousand copies printed, for current mercantile advertising—and it is worth about as much as that to talk the con tents of au advertisement to a single purchaser while by a sensible selection of advertising organs, the merchant, if be will, daily address the people of the entire range of country trading with him and carry his enterprise to new fields, for an expense little exceeding the cost of blank paper on which his advertisement is printed.— Telegraph Sf Messenger. A Tale of Love. —One quiet day in leafy June, when bees and birds were all in tune, two lovers walked beneath the moon. The night was fair, so was the maid ; they walked and talked be neath the shade, with none to harm or make afraid. Her name was Siland his was Jim, and he was fat and she was slim ; he took to her and she to him. Csays Jim to Sal: “By all the snakes that squirm among the brush and brakts, I love you better n buckwheat cakes.” Says she to Jim, since you’ve begun it, and been and gone and done it. “I love you next to anew bonnet.” Says Jim to Sal, “My heart you’ve busted, but I have always gals mistrusted.” Says Sal to Jim, “I will be true, if you love me as I love you, no knife can cut our love, in two.” Says Jim to Sal : “Through thick and thin, for your true lover count me in, I’ll court no other gal agin. Jim leaned to Sal: Sal leaned to Jim, his nose just tou;hed above her chin, four lips met—went—ahem—ahem ! And then—and then—and then and then. Oh, gals ! beware of men in June, and underneath the silvery moon, when frogs and Junebugs are in tune, lest you get your names in the paper soon. Be Cheerful. —Look happy, if you do not feel so. Present a cheerful ex terior, though your heart and mind be troi bled. Never wear a face which, as Sidney Smith says, “is a breach of peace.” Dr. Johnson used to observe that the habit of looking at the best of a thing was worth more to a man than a thousand pounds a year, and Samuel Smiles observes .-—We possess the pow er to a great extent, of so exercising the wdl as to direct the thoughts upon objects calculated toyeild happines and impiovement, rather than their oppo sites. In this way, the habit of happy thought may be made to spring up like any other habit. And to bring up men or women with a genuine nature of this sort, a good temper and a happy frame of mind is, perhaps, of even more importance, in many cases, than to perfect them in much knowledged and many accomplisments.” An Irish servant girl was requested by a lady to go to one of our dry goods | stores and obtain a bed comforter for j her. About an hour afterwards she re turned with one of the clerks. I Subscribe for the Journal. TERMS—TWO DOLLARS IN ADVANCE BBEVI T I E S . And now New York oont-s breathlessly to tho front, with the mortal remains of an orphan rhi iwrcerouv, killed by the Epizooty. Next. Ole Bull, the fiddleiat, is to be in Savanna'll Fri day and Saturday next. The Wauhoo has turned liorse-dootor. Cures Fpizoot with liberal doses of sugar-cane. Milledgevilie was visited with a di-nslerous fire Thursday las’. The Ho’e! and several stores and dwe!iiigs burnt. Loss sloo,ooo* Several persons perished in the flames. The 1 niliolmeiu against Wm. M. Tweed contains 1050 pages. The Presbyterian Synod of Georgia convened in Albany on the 15ih Nov. Monday, 18th instant, two men, a while and’a black were buried by a falling wall at Emory Col lege, Oxford. A terrible storm has visited the North of Europe, destroying many villages and towns. Many lives lost and vessels wrecked. In May, 1871, Miss Sarah Rehards, aud old ma and, was murdered and robbed and her house burnt over her, near Greensbor ■. Last week bar watch, which was biought in for repairs, lead to the arrest of her supposed murderers. Tho Savannah Mirror says that the ord re on the Colt Manufacturing Company have iuereaeed since the horse malady appeared. The Grand Duke Alexis is to attend the great Centennial in 1876. The Washington Gazette raises the name of Mr. Stephens for U. S. Senator, Athena rojoioes at the unexampled quantities of cotton brought to Uiat market. The Southern Watchman says grace over a prescat of sausage meat, and announoes Blaok fish, fresh aud nice, Just from Charleston, packed in ice. There are 25.000 horses sneezing with the Epi zooty in Chicago. Bully lor Episooty. An enterprising Yank has got up a panorama of “Burnt Bostou.” It has cost the Government over $5,000 to prose cute Georgians under the Enforcement Act, and not a single true bill has been found. A two feet snow in the Northern Slates last we ki In Columbia, Tenuessoe, pork is worth five cents a pound Savaunah is going lo gold-laoe the left eeat-sleve of her Police as a mark of honorable distinction. iloyt, the State Road robber, convicted at the last Fulton Super olr Court, has been refused a new trial. Macon is exercised over her approaching Mayor’s election. N. D. .Sneed, (eolo ed) rises and saya, ‘‘Hooray, for Huff!” There are tw-nty four ootton mills in this State, in full operation, aud several others being erected. The reports to the effeot that Mr. Greeley’s mind is affected are contradicted by hisfiieiids ; but those in his ci ufideoce admit that his chances for tho Presidency are slim. The Warronton Clipper says that the jail at that place was opened with a false key, on the night of the 20th inst., and two negroes made their escape. Wonder if they are the blackbirds sent there from this place for pulling oom in MoDuffie. Nine couples, all white, got married in Savan nah, last Thursday night week A good place for a shoolmaster to locate in a few years. Abbeville, S. C., has been almost destroyed by fire. The South Carolinian calls the new home dis ease, “Epihippic.” Wonder where that word came from. In Topeka, Kansas, last week, a Dr. Ashman shot and killed his wife, and chopped off her breast trying to cut hor heart out. It took ten men to carry him to jail. They ought to have elevated him to the top of the first lamp post, and left him there with a hemp attachment. In Savannah, a little girl six yearn old has died with the Epizooty. Mm. ltacUel Audnal, West Va., is 88 years old, has 14 children; 99 grand children; 223 great and great-great grand children. Total, 330, with two States to hear from. Milledgeville is crowing over a pumpkin 5 feet, 7 inches in circumferenoe, and weighing 180 lbs. Large numbers of negroes are emigrating to Li beria from Baldwin and other counties of Georgia, under the anspicies of the American Disinfectant Society. The glare of the Boston flames was seen sixty miles. George Dunsmore, formerly a member of a Tennessee Confederate regiment, was found dead in his bed reoently, in Munroe county. Gen. G. J. Wright will contest the election of Whi'ley in the second Congressional District. Rev. Gilbert Robertson, D. D., pastor of one of the largest Presbyterian Ohnrohes in Louisville, Ky., has plead guilty to the oharge of lewdnesa, drunkness and falseeood. On the 13th inst., Miss Annie M. Winter, of Augusta, was married to Lord George M. Gordon, of Scotland. A courageous colored boy, at the risk of kis life, saved a train on the Atlantio A Gulf R. 8., re cently, from a dreadful disaster. The passengers presented him a purse well filled. The Talbotton Weekly American has these items : Fulton county is pawing np quite a dust over a calf, which at the tender and juicy age of seven and a half months, weighed two hundred and fifty two pounds. The Fort Valloy Mirror wants to know what is the oldest woman’s club. The oldest woman has no club—in fact, there is no such institution as the oldest woman.