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About The News and farmer. (Louisville, Ga.) 1875-1967 | View Entire Issue (Dec. 7, 1876)
V (,L. > I l, THE KWh & FARMER OBE RTS &• BOYD. P - jkiblishcd Every Thursday Morning AT ISVILLE, GEORGIA price of subscription IN ADVANCE. me C‘ipJ one > eur $‘2.00 • • B .x mouths 1.00 •• ihiee mouths...... 50 1-0. a Club ot h'iVb or mare we will make a .auction ol Ho per cent. ADVERTISING RATES lramient Advertisements, One dollar pe snuaie (teu line* oi this tjps or one inch) tot (ho hroi, t use tit o n aud 7o cents tor eacn subser tlueut iiiseiuuu A liberal deduction made on advertisements rnuuiug over oue mouth. i.ocat uotices will ue charged Fifteen cents ,>er line eacn luueruou. An bills ioi advertising due at any time ifilitr ;he Urst in ei tiou aud will be presented .u tne pleasure oi tne Froprietois, except by special a^raugement i-.KuLi.i-. A VE* jLEIaLSi* nuuiaiy’s (Jit alio us 101 Lciitiß t Adunuistia .lull, OruaiUiiVsUip otc S P" uU ppaca-iou .01 on in ii auiu 11 Vl .it.UC'i.ciD '* U ‘ J ,pj ncalifii to 1 i ism n min guard > ol * .ptnj ultuu lot* iea 10-acll lalio " u ‘ olid ... DcbwißaliUeuuitirtb * ul Mi tJ .j. la ud, jJCi syuaftoi ieu * o no.-) oi peiauim pei 4' , fc n oays VM a —tiitßli levy ol lenUitta. > o< .0.. wg. ban *> o) *6n ant* oi lerns.., *• t.\ i ecio- a .-iH.es. pei '4l . \.d # n<s*° o rn. t cCiosuie oi uitiiigHg*. and nli.j s pci sq.iai* * v, ‘' • illti 1 .ii.. a .1. < iUliLiiOAti. h and afiet MJNDAI the COilr Jun , til O i Hsseugei Limtis n tbe Leu.gu L> iiiial t& ,. ,hm, its braiiciieb *nti co“-'* ■*• *s \viil -'4VauUf'\ * r " hi Assta? 1:01 ,i, in diHCuu .. •’• . *•■> •> ns uiU'Vii t. OolU.nUUo- r;,,) U *' , j; tt vc: ..1.400H t*l LuiiUUU ‘ 111 jjoavu nitc.o . tor AIiHUiM .;.!•>[> m AiTive at ’Jommlius 1:1 “ a 1,1 nrnve at-KnlaUm ff P m Arrive at A iauta j:oa a m Leave Atlanta P 1,1 Lave *-** m Leave Le P m Arrive at >1 aeon from Atlanta I’- P 1 P 111 . iriVt: at Maceu from Eutaiila b*ts |> m arrive at Macon noui Columbus b;bs p m Lea.e Mae tin ?:00ani Arrive at Augusta 4:00 p m Arrive at Savannah - o:'A> p in Cinmects Rally at Gordon with l’assengra f rains to and from Savannah and Augusta. ijvofesfltouaUffarUfi. Ja&. K. KIN MAX AHOKNEY hT LAW, B A.K.TOW, GJX. Will pracetie only Jefferson county, jL\. JL- (J AM3 Lilia, r)H. ATTUKiNKV at law. fi.ouisuilie, (Ga. January 6 ly j. G. Cain. J. G. Loliiiil CAIN & POLHILL. AT T (JUNE VS A T LA VV LOUISVILLE, GA. K May 5, 187 1. ly V. Ho KELJLEY, f maam m law GA. I Yr Will practice in the Supreme Courts the State, and the Superior Courts of the following counties : Emanuel. Johnson, Montgomery, Tattnal, Jefferson, | Special attention given to the collec- Pion of claims. E. PARSONS Bl - TXS .Louisville, Ga. "Will be in Louisville the third week iu ouch month left a* the Central Hotel promptly Mtu-tided to. tb ly, CENTRAL HOTEL. LOUISVILLE GA. Mrs A M. Kirkland, Proprietress. Board, S2.CO Per Day T. MARKWALTER, Marble Works BROAD STR3ST, KNeaK Eowee Market AlGb>fA.A Monuments* Tombstones MARBLEWORKS, A UG U S T A . QA. collection to from Always on “7 STOP .A.T THE PLANTERS CORNER OF B u id and B jam Strvets. {Market Square) SAVANNAH, GA. THE undersigned having recently takm charge ot' this popular house of 1 utertainun-in, has made every necessary improvement tor the accomodation and commit ol guests. A first class Baiber shop, with bath> connected, Heading and billiard Rooms, • elegraph offi ce and oilier conveniences are now eunn cted with tiie House and uo paim ar spared to make guests happy. The tables ,i.e supplied With the uest the market afford the rooms ar la ge and airy malting it alavori estopping p-aoe lor Planters a .and mei'chams iron) me country. c hto and irom 1 lie Haiti ads and mtauiers Always io readiness jJvJcra only $2 per Day jioli U tt‘ A. E. CAKit. Proprietor uLußh HOiKL? i, Ga. \ itu * vjlGiiLl Xi uv>k U, u.ni ue.en a. u JL itrvtjj Juit.r.-u <i. JLucaioU in Loo ce.nie *> bn,>jnc.'s; lu co'uvckkhi distuuce ui iiic iia otj>; ; ? t*ar the At tu.tf ,'iii c. Unde, liso present i 4ii. bt: cOU t iio *ii U*e dotflij. JLUa to. CAM..ku.., iTop’r. /Si •. ,H BlitFfe k l>, hi- i . k October 19 k 87G 6m Louisville Drug Ltore E. H. VV. HUNTER, M. I>. Druggist & apothecary SuSCeSsor to HUNTER & CO. beeps oil hand a lull and wei) assorted stock of DRUG, MEDICINE .CHEMICAL. PAINTS, OILS, VARNI HUS, DVE STUFF, PERFUM ERY, SOAP, Cos VIDS, UKUSHES, TOIJj , E l ARTICLES, LAMP CHIMNEYS, GARDEN SEED oi all kinds; FINE CIGARS aim CtIEWINo TOBACCO WINDOW OLA and PUTTY &c. A: Which heoliers to sell FOR CASH, as cht-sp as they can be bought, at retail, in any town in the State. Ur. kes Magic Liniment and Dr. Win, iiauset’s Diarriioea and Dysen lery Cordial, Always on uatid, and for sale. Also Dr. Ulorris* Syraj> Tar, WiH • berry fl r< limuihl Anew ana valuable remedy in Coughs and affections of the Lungs atneraly GIOODFORTUNE Waits on all who purchase tickets iu the Grand Extra Drawing, Monday, Dec. 4, I87(i. LOUSIANA SiATt lOTLEKY CcMPAnY, This Institution was regularly incorporated by the Legislature of . he uiate for I'.dacational purpo.se3 m ltttifi, with a Capital of $1,000,000, to which it has since added a reserve fund oi $350,000. Its Grand Single .Number Draw mgs will tawc place monthly. Jhe s< asou of J 876 closes with the following scheme: CAPI lAL PitiZ., 50,0jU. Only 55,P00 Ticnets at S2O each- Fractious in proportion, LIST OF FKOJES. 1 C apital Prize $50,000 1 Capital Prize 20,00 u 1 Capital Prize 10 000 10 Prize* at $1 OUU '. IU.UO aSP.ioesnt 500 ... Jil,sUo 11l l PnZeS at 1100 3n,uuu 290 Pr.zesat 100 4'l. uo SUU Piiz t. at lot) 6U.UU9 2,000 Prizes at at) 40,01hl Ai’PR XIMaUON Pi.iZE.9. 0 i proxiination Prize- of $300... 2,7/ i>- 9 Appr .xiin.it .a Piizes id i,ooo 9 Approximation Prizes of 100.. hull 2,805 Pi zos amounting to s2ort 900 M rite for Circulars or send ei'd rs to R PER AN DI'.Z, o-ivainiah, Ua; OHAS. TANARUS, HO A* AKD, New Orieiuis, La. 1 lie First Regular y .aJteily Dollai Draw ing u ill ke place on January 2. 1577. Tak rts $1 c ich. Capital Prize $15,000. Can’t bo made by evety ■oliilßirlaT agent every mouth m ihc L.usiues we liiriush but those vu.ng to work can earn a dozen dollars a day iu tlmir. own I. ca.ltivs Gave no routn to ex plain here. Business pleasant and honorable. Women aud boys and gi't do as well as men. We wi 1 luruish you n complete outfit free. The busmen- pays better than anything else. We will bear expense of staiting you. Pario u lars Irce. W rile aud see. Farmers and Mer cliauiß, their sons and daughters, and all class es iu need el paying work at home, should write to us and learu all about the work at once. Now Is the time. Don’t delay. Ad. dress. Trae & Cos., Augusta. Maine THE NEWS AND EAEMER. LOUISVILLE. JEFFERSON COUNTY GA.. DECEMBER 7, 1876. |Joftrg. (original.] “The Laift Rose of Summer.” As fades the roseate tints, From off the hills afar, When at evenings gateway stands. Her lone sentinel—a tar. So fades the vernal smile, That wreathes sweet natures face, When gloom and shadows hug The edrtti in cold embrace. A' winsome 4iild in innocence, £iayed biffrinug round my tVetr, As the sporting dimples On her facei played hide and seek, And I watch ed the joys That lived within her eyes Like summer’s gilded lights On summer’s staiuless skies. No taint of shadow clung About her spotless brow, But pink imprisoned blushes, — The kiss of mornings glow : And all she said was freighted With a childs unstudied art— rFith the little loves that linger About a childish heart. She plucked a withered rose, And placed it my hand, The seal of winter’s fate Had stamped it, pale and wan. ***** ***** As winter steals the dawn, Of summers only rose, So childhoods joys and blushes pale Amid fifes withering snows : But high in the grey azure stands A beacon fight afar, That guards our footsteps ever, Evenings lone sentinel— astar. Waiting and Watching for Me, DUET AND CHORUS When my final farewell to the world I have said, Aud gladly fie down to my rest; Wuen softly the watchers shall say, “He is dead.” And fold my pale hands o’er my breast;. And when wilh my glorified vision, at last The walls of “That City” I see, ||: Will any of them at the beautiful gate, Be waiting and watching for me? :j| Be waiting and watching, Be waiting and watching for me ? There are little ones glancing about in my path, In want of a'friend and a guide ; There are dear little eyes looking up into mine, Whose tears might be easily dried. But Jesus may beckon the children away In the midst of their grief and their glee, ||: Will any of them,at the beautiful gate, Be waiting and watching lor me? :j| Be waiting and watchinn, Be waiting and watching for me. There are old and forsaken who linger awhile, In homes which their dearest have left; And a few gentle words of an action of love, May cheer their sad spirits bereft.- But the Reaper is near to the long stan ing corn, The weary will soon be set free— ||: Will any of them,at the beautiful gate, Be waiting and watching for me? :j) Be waiting aud wa’.ehing, Be waiting aud watching for me. Oh, should I be brought there by the bountiful grace Of him who delights to forgive, Though I bless not the weary about in my path, Pray only for self while I live, — Methinks I should mourn o’er my sinful neglect, If sorow in heaven can be, ||: Should no one I love,at the beautiful gate, Be waiting and watching for me ! :|| Be waiting and watching, Be waiting and watching for me. ORIGINAL. DECEMBER. “The liver flows with echoing sound Through scenes the soul remembers, The autumn winds wail lonesomely, O’er graves of dead Decembers, But up on high above the mists, That lower and hover o’er us, A rainbow beacon leads us on To hopes of spring before us.” Nature is a state house of types Spring comes with her crown of sun light. and her bridal wreath of fragrant, flowers with which to deck ttie unspotted brow of the young year. Youth lives in the bright area of beautiful thoughts that cluster around it like a halo of un dimed glory, or a diadem of untarnish ed gems. Hope lives in the heart ami blooms there unmindful of coming winter, and the holy incense that it gives out, breathes love and hope into other hearts, and nature grows gorge ous under its magic influence, and life becomes bright and bouyant in antici pation of comii.g and continued joy. Summer tluows ber mantle of wealth and warmth and confidence over nature, the birds feed their young in the sultry days, or carrol to their mates in the em brasures of the woods,and the herds re cline at noon under inviting shades. The trees boar fruit after their kind, and the staff oflife devclopes in its growth,and the promises of full fruitition gladdens the heart of the husbandman. Man hood and womanhood know their sum mertime. The kite and the ball, and their different games go out with school davs, and pleasures that make those days hallowed and that ever cling to l , the mind with memories that are tender and true and sacred through all the vicisitudes of life, give way to graver games. The interests of life centre in and control the mind. Unveiled reality takes hold upon the being and the phys ical as woll as the mental capabilities ■ and faculties grown, aud the duties, responsibilities and opening vistas of life till it up to full measure. The heart expands or contracts as it pulsates in the arena of the contend ing conflict, like the works of a time piece, as the atmosphere arou id it-be comes colder or warmer. “But nature dies And God and angels come, To lay her in the grave.” The winds wail o’er the brown hills. The flowers sleep in the vale. Sum mers wealth of foliage floats in parti colored cargoes, down the bosom of the cold and cruel stream, /'he bitter air breathes mournfully through the nude branches of the leafless trees.— December imprints a kiss from her cold lips on the pale brow, of the wan ing year, and shuddering from the withering touch of blight, it dies. The transition is rapid, life moves on through changes that affect it, like the months and the seasons affect the face of nature. Yesterday, with innocence in our hearts, with the roseate joys of childhoods happy days clinging like beautiful robes about, aud garlands of spring flowers enwreatliing us, to day, standing in the full blaze of duty and manhood and matured life, to-morrow standing by the stream that is about to take us away from the blended com motions, joys and strifes ol the world, with the withered leaves of our life lying dead at our feet,and the frosts of many winters clustering about our tem ples ; about to step into the bark that is to bear us on to eternity, whether or not it be to us, “The only bark By which man may navigate the sea of life And reach the Coast of life securely, is for ns to decide. This is December, and though it buries the old year, a now one springs phoenix like from its ashes. And though December must come to us all, may a supreme love bring U3 into a new year of hope and heaven. “For love’s the air of heavens own blessed clime,” Rich with the wealth of endless sum mer time.” * [communicated.] Messrs. Editors :—lt will be re membered that the recent Grand Jury in their general presentments, paid Judge Johnson a high and well merited compliment, and in his discharge—in which he touchingly responded to the sentiments, he took occasion to state “that the large number of indictments was indicative of a fearful increase of crime in the county.” Of course we have no idea the J udge would intentionally do his people in justice, and we must conceed, that (the action of that body alono considered) the conclusion was quite natural. But when we remember who compos ed the Grand Jury, and the energy which they went to work to ferit out crim in the slightest degree, we are forced to the conclusion, that the num ber of indictments was no evidence of the increase of crime. The real truth of the matter is—such material seldom happens to be drawn to make up a Jury, as the recent proved to be. It was frequently spoken of as an “intelligent body of workers.”— “Able and efficient under the leadership of a model foreman—shrewd, onterpris ing and noted for his fearlessness in the discharge of every trust imposed upon him. Capable of manipulating men and developing thought and action in whatever pertains to the good of his country;” the foreman was certain ly hat man. With such an organization it was expected that crime and disorder would be unveiled, and the law, so far as they were able, be <nade a terror to evil doers. The trivial nature af many of the of fiiices for which bills were obtained shows conclusively that the standard of good order and morrality among society is considerably elevated, and that nien are to-day more disposed “to dare do their duty” than in years gone by, for it is Wo plain to require argu ment; the time was, when Juries would wink at crimes of much greater magnitude than the petty violations indicted by the last Jury. No, we are proud to believe that crime is not on the increase, and we arc unwilling for the opponents of the existing liquor laws to have such a potent argument with whiehto console themselves. Let justice be done if the Heavens fall. Junius. Jefferson Cos., Ga. An Eastern man ate a piece of mince pie the oilier night, and then dreamed that a twelve-foot giant, dressed ie pea green boiler iron, ornamented with rod hot horseshoes, nnd wearing railroad spixes for coat taii3, was sitting down on bis breast while ho pulled on a pair .of water-pipe elbows for boots. I A SCHOOLBOY ON CORNS. Corns are of two kir.d3—vegetable 1 and animal. Vegetable corn grows in j rows, and animal corn grows on toes. There are several lcind3 of corn ; there is the unicorn, capricorn, corn dodgers, field corn, and the corn, which, is the corn you feel the most. It is said 1 believe, that gophers like corn, but persons having corns do not like to “go fur” if they can help it. Corns have kernals, and some colonels have corns. Vegetable corn grows on ears, but animal corn grows on the feet at the other end of the body. Another kind of corn is the acorn ; these grows oaks, but there is no hoax about the corn. The acorn is acorn with an in definite article indeed. Try it and see. Many a man when he has a corn wishes it wa3 an acorn. Folks that have corns sometimes send for a doctor, and if the doctor himself is corned he probably won’t do so well as if he isn’t. The doctor say3 corns arc produced by tight boots and shoes, which is probably the reason when a man is tight they say he is corned. If a farm er manages well he can get a great deal of corn on an acre, but I know of a farmer that has one corn that makes the biggest acher on his farm. The bigger crop of vegetable corn a man raises the bettere he like.3 it; but the bigger crop of animal corn he raises the better he does not like it, Another kind of corn is the corn dodger. The way it is made is very simple, and is as follow—that is if you want to know : You go along the street aud meet a man you know has acorn, and a rough character; then pou step on the toe that has a corn on it, and see if you don t have occasion to dodge. In that way yo will find out what a com dodg er is. PROPER TIME FOR SLAUGH TERING ANIMALS. It has been discovered by a French chemist that the flesh of auimals which are killed in the latter part of the night will keep much longer without salting than it will when they are killed iu the day time. This proves that the flesh is better fitted for keeping when the life and blood are taken from ti.e animal at the time the temperature is the lowest and the respiration is the ltsast active. Hence tue reason that the flesh, from animals that have been highly heated or hard driven will scarcely keep at all It is no new discovery that the meat of an animal killed after rest will keep better than that killed immediately af ter exercise. As animals rest in the night, the meat will, of course, be better in the morning. The reason why tiie above facts are so is this : Exercise drives the blood to the extremities, and distributes it through all the veins. After rest it gradually returns to the vitals, and eir dilates more sluggishly. Of course, if an animal is then killed, the arteries and large veuis being cut, the blood is at once emptied. But, if he is killed while the blood is at the surface, dis tributed through the small veins it will not be discharged. As blood corrnps sooner than flesh, the meat spoils.— Prairie Farmer. AN OVER-ANXIOUS MAN. He was around yesterday afternoon inquiring after “the latest” and he looked so hard up and knocked about that many wondered what possible benefit a political victory could' Vie to him. (Then they made bold to ask him lie replied: “ IFell, you see, my brother Bill is fishing for the office of Secretary of JTar.” “He is, eh?” “Yes, sir; and if he gets it he will get brother Sam appointed revenue collec tor.’, “Yes.” “And then Sam will get the old man appointed postmaster.” “Yes.” “And the old man will get my brother-in- aw on as a letter carrier. "Yes.” “And my brother-in-law will use his influence to get mo appointed weigh master of the Western District, aud then the whole family will walk around iu clover knee-high. You see how much depends on this tiling. How's Florida gone?”— Detroit Free Press. “CLOSED 'FOR m KETURNS.” ■At eight o’clock yesterday morning the proprietor ,cf a small saloon on Bcaubicu street put down the curtains, looked the door, and was walking off when he was hailed by a policeman. Tue salooaist crossed the street to the officer and said: ‘Dot place is glossed up for von week.’ ‘What is. the matter?’ asked the office. ‘Well, I gau't stand such footings aroundt. In de first blace a man comes in and says: ‘Well Dilden is elected,’ and he kicks of'er the chairs. Booty soon comes aunuJer man in und he says : “Hooray 1 Hayes has got ’em now 1” aud he kicks ofer a dable. Ynuuder mans in a leedle vhiie comes in and galls out: “No pody is elected any more 1” und he preakssoine glysses. fshast like dot has it been for a week, and I am glean discouraged. If somebody says Dildcu is electeu.l pelief dot; if somepody says Hayes is elected, I pelief dot; if somespody says nopody is elected 1 feel like dis gouutry vhas going to some dogs right away." “Yes, it does bother one !” consoled the officer. “Tell all der poys I have glosed up for returns, and dot somepodv gan't get in,” replied the man, and he turned his lace homeward.— Detroit Fne Press. There is one feature of the past Leg islatures in Georgia we trust will ha discarded by the present, and that, is the everlasting and internal local legis lation that isn’t Worth a continental knsstothe people generally. It is about time we hid more of the whole some general legislator and less of the peanut kind. Every little legislator imagines himself under special obli gation to get up some sort of little bill that will hand his name down to pos terity for at least forty days, and that consumes hundreds of dollars of the people's money. If there i3 any patriotism in the great bulk of the intelligence of the Legislature, it is hoped a “head” will bo upon these cross,road statemen that only twinkle as very small orbits in the political constellation of a county notoriety.— Curtersville Express AN OLD FASHIONED MOTHER. Thank God some of us have old fash ioned mothers—not a woman Of the period enameled and painted, with her great chignon, her curls hotlines, whose white jewelled hands have never felt the clasp of baby fingers, but a dear old fashioned, sweetvoiced mether, with eyes in whose depth the lovelight shone and brown hair threaded with silver, lying smoothly upon her faded cheek. Those dear hands worn with toil.which guided our tottering steps in childhood and smoothed our pillow in sickness. Blessed is the memorj' of an old-fash ioned mother. It floats to us now like the beautiful perfume of some wood land blossoms. The music of other voices may be lost, but the entrancing memory of hers will echo in our souls forever. Other faces will fade away and be forgotten but hers will shine on until the light from heaven’s portals shall gloryty our own. Two colored brothers met in Jackson. Tenn. the other day. One was a hack man of that; city, and the other fellow was a stranger. He claimed the hack man as his long lost brother whom ho had not met for sixteen years. The hackmar. did not know his brother and was incredulous until an editor of Jack son identified him, and stated that he had owned both boys before the war. This satisfied the Jehu. He took lu3 brother to his arms, aud both went on a spree in the carriage. That night the hack driver took his brother home and baredhis bed with him. The next mor ning the strange brother was gone, and with him anew Sunday suit of clothes and sll2 of the hackman’s hard earned money’. The liackmau doesn’t want to find any more of his lost relat ions of the ante-bellum days. They generally ex pensive after they have been lost so long And colored people especially look so much alike that errors are easy.— St. Louis Republican , ROOM FOR MORE SHEEP. An exchange estimates that we paid foreign countries last year fifty millions of dollars for wolen goods and eleven millions of dollars unmanufactured goods. When we have in the country twenty milliou moie sheep than we have now, we shall only produce the wool we use ; and yet there is no coun try on earth where sheep could be so profitably raised as iu the United States. But we are comiug'cvery year nearer to supplying our own markets with the wool they demand. In 1875 the wool clip of the country was nearly 200,000, 000 pounds, while iu 1860 it was only 65,000,000. Give Your Child a Newspaper.— An exchange very appropriately says that a child begiuniug to read becomes delighted with a newspaper, because it reads of names and things which are familiar, aud it will progress according ly. A newspaper, in one year, is worth quarter’s schooling to a child. Eve ry father must consider that informa tion is connected with advancement,— The mother of a family, being one cf its head, and having immediate charge of children, should herself be instructed. A mind occupied becomes - fortified against the ills of life, and is braced for any emergency. Children amused by reading or study, are, of course, more considerate and more easily gov erned. Stonewall. —The last letter ever written by General “Stonewall Jackson is in the possession of the Southern Historical Society. It was addressed to General Lee under the date of May 2, 1863, and as follows : “General: The enemy has made a stand at Chan cellor’s which is about two miles from Chauce'lorsville, I hope as soon as practicable to attack. 1 trust that an over-kind Providence will bless us with success.” ■ ■■ M —. A gossipy correspondent writing fashions from New York, says : In the lino of hosiery there is new vent for extravaganco. It is now nec essary for a lady to be careful in sepa rating her soookings from her neckties, as they are enough alike for a mistake to be made in using the stocking around tiie throat—though the neckties could not be used for a stocking unless, to use a slang phrase, the lady should put her foot in it, A Milwaukee girl’s cars will wear out four pairs of brass ear-rings in oue short season. SPARK BINGS. “The sweetest thing*, U.seems to me. Vre Ih >se tbnt hadn't ou?ht to lit;.’’ Moving for anew trial—Courting a second wife. “Sweet extract of tannin,” is what a Boston b>y calls his pretty , but strict schoolinarm. “Two solos that beat as one !” said the boy, as his mother caressed him with liar slippers for his disobedience. “Time waits for no man.” That’s another. Doesn’t time always wait for a man to got firmly seated on the top rail before it breaks? If a young lady has a thousand acres of vale, .file land. Cue y<mn men are apt to conclude there are sufficient grounds for attachment. A Pittsburg witness could not give his own age, but was confident that he was younger than iii.s mother, though she died early, and he was not certain A peach-stone thrown from a three story window, the other day, struck a tall man on the nose, which caused him to allude to Wagner,s Gotterdammer rung. “Send Nle a Kiss in a Letter,” is the r.ama )f anew song. It is to be fob lowed by “Send Me a Rearing, Old- Fashioned, C Tset-Spiittiiig Hut bv Telegraph.” We shall hail the day of female snf fragOj because the monotony of seeing a rooster at the head of victorious news papers will bo relieved by the light of an occasional hail. “Can you sea mo dearest? ’ said a, Chicago man to his dying wife. “Tell me, canyon see me?” “No,” she very faintly whispered; “but I can smell your burath.” You can appreciate the force of do mesticdiscipline in some families when you sec a man coining out of church on’ a good fishing Sunday, looking as ifhd had just been dischaiigod-, from the Penitentiary. “Phil, me jewel,” said Pat, “I’m mighty sorry ye can’t dine with me to-day.” “Arrah, and why can't I dir.e with ye?” said the astonished Phil. “Because, my dear,” returned Pat, “I havo’nt asked ye yet.” The following notice was posted on a courthouse door in Illinois; “Strait? or stole —A largo Red Kow and Yal ier Specks on her left side. She is about i or 8 years old poor widow with a short tail.” A man who was recently hanged in Canada for killing his landlord, = made a speech on the scaffold, in which lie expressed a hope that this-might be a warning to other landlords who persist ed in dunning their poor tenants.’ There is agrowing feeling among the American people that the man who can hear a fellow mortal complain of a cold in the head, and abstain from tel ing him what to do for it, is the min who should be the next president. ‘lt is strange,’ muttered a young man, as he staggered home from a supper party, ‘how evil communications currupt good manners,’ I have been surrounded by tumblers all the evening, and now I am a tumbler myself. A Cleveland man whipped his wife because the baby did not take the first prise at the baby show. As an offset to this domestic incid mt, if. is proper to mention here that a Boston wife, a9 soon as she was able to leave the bed, smashed the nursing bottle over her husband’s head becauso the brat was cross-eyed. Honors are easy so far. She used to meet him at the gate with a kiss and a smile, like morning light; but now she comes to the door in a dingy old calico wrapper, and shoes down at the heel, shades her eyes with her hand, anil in a voice that seems to need oiling, inquires : ‘Did you bring that butter?’ We don’t know tb.it it was the epi zooty that affected him; but lio said, with some violence ; ‘if that nose was running for office, it would be elected by a handsome majority.’ Young ladies, the new shade is ‘an tique purple.’ It is about the tint of an election eye two days old. The man who went into a saloon to get an eye opener for nothing, had his eye close t for a week. Said Mrs. Partington : ‘You se3 that blessed man that preached for us last Sunday? Well, he <va3 first a circus rider, then a locust preacher, and now he’s an exhauster.’ Scene in composing room.—Compos itor No. 1: ‘ IP ho has any ‘takes' of the ‘Causos of Death?’ ” Compositor No. 2 “I have ‘Soften ing of the Drain. ” Compositor 3 : “I’ve got ‘lnfiamntion of tho Bowels.' ” Compositor No. 4 “I just took ‘l’ol son.’ ” Is it any wonder'that such mortality prevails among printers? A Burlington woman, whose husband had gone to the Centennial ‘on busi ness,’ tracks a straggling line of inn I across the carpet every evening, piles < a couple of cigar stamps on the win dow-sill, chucks an old quid ot tobacco partly behind tho fireboard, puts a wet boot to drip all over the oilcloth, and throws another under a sofa, sets a bowl of yeast near tho chair to make the room smell like lager beer, and tcel9 just as comfortable and natural as j there was a man in the house. A man was killed in Georgia stealing a kicking nude. The r was the e* itioner. NO. 30
