Newspaper Page Text
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C|f|HorningHetos
Morning, News Building, Savannah, Ga.
THI'BSUAY. JLXE It. 1887.
Registered at the Pest Office in Sava in ah.
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“Morning News. Savannah. Ga.”
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INDEX TO NEW ADVERTISEMENTS.
Meetixgs—Zenibhabel Lodge No 15. F. A. M.;
Pioneer Steam Brick Company.
Special Notices—The London Assurance Cor
poration; Melons, Bananas. J S. Colins A Cos.
Cheap Colcmn Advertiseisents—Help Want
ed: Employment Wanted; For Rent; Personal;
Summer Resorts; Miscellaneous
Hav, Etc.—W. D. Simians A Cos.
For Acocsta and Wat Landings —Steamer
Ethel.
The Morning News for the Summer.
Persons leaving the city for the summer
can have the Morning News forwanlod by
the earliest fast mails to any address at the
rate of 26c. a week, $1 for a month or $2 50
for three months, cash invariably m ad
vance. The address may be changed as
often as desired. In directing a change care
should be taken to mention the old as well
as the new address.
Those who desire to have their home paper
promptly delivered to them while a way
should leave their subscriptions at the Busi
ness Office. Special attention will be given
to make this summer service satisfactory and
to forward papers by the. mast direct and
quickest routes.
It is said that Jay Gould Is badly troubled
by insomnia. If he wants to sleep he should
give his millions to the poor.
The summer eampmeetings of the Spirit
ualists have begun, and humbug stalks
among the tents seeking contributions of
money from the gullible.
The man who plays poker thirteen hours
and then stops without a cent in his pocket
doesn’t need to be told that he is a mender
of an ante-poverty society.
The man that invented the muffler for the
piano deserves gratitude, but if he wants to
be canonized he should turn in and invent a
muffler for the Salvation Army bass drum.
Of the (10,000,000 of people in the United
States it is said that less than one-third are
church members. The contribution box is
largely responsible for this sad state of
affairs.
The World has employed chemists to an
alyze the food, liquids and medicines sold in
Now York. The World evidently doesn’t
believe that “Where ignorance is bliss 'tis
folly to be wise.”
The Athens Banner-Watchman says:
“Since the free pass has been cut off we pre
dict a short and business-like session of the
Legislature. ” But the free pass has not been
cut off from the Legislators.
The failure of Mr. Sid Phelan's exchanga
in Atlanta, and the failure of its branches
in other cities, hurt quite a number of Wall
street brokers. The New York Times says
that some of them are very sad.
Perhaps Mr. Theodore Roosevelt may dis
cover that the society young men who drive
stage coaches in New York ought to lie en
couraged. In time of war they might be
employed to drive army wagons.
In Chicago it seems to be thought that
there is virtue in numbers. That city has
increased its Aldermen from thirty-six to
forty-eight. It would be sad if the entire
board should succumb to the attractions of
boodle.
Some of Dr. McGlynn’s friends say that
his brain is affected. No doubt it is, for a
perfectly sane man would hardly go as far
as he has gone. It will be remembered that
Father Bailies, of Brooklyn, says that the
doctor is a lunatic.
Senator Sherman must feel very lone
some. The almost unanimous voice of press
and people is that his recent bloody shirt
speech marked him as being far behind the
times. The Senator ought to spend a month
or two trying to catch up.
Some of the Morning News’ State ex
changes contain a paragraph, now and then,
regarding the United States Senator the
General Assembly will have to elect in the
course of time. What's the use of crossing
a bridge until we to it#
Carl Kranagcr, a German crank, thus
writes to Mayor Hewitt of New York:
“Twenty thousaml men will appear at the
Oity Hall next week, and hang you and
your whole gang to the nearest lamp post."
Kranager doesn't like Mayor Hewitt’s efforts
to enforce the laws.
A queer story comes from Boston. It is
said that some of the most aristocratic
young ladies of the city have had themselves
photographed in costumes as airy as those
worn by ballet girls. The photographs are
on sale, and an ugly scandal is the result.
Boston is going ahead a little too fast.
The Louisville Courier-Jnurnnl professes
not to believe the scientific assertion that
man is 00 per cent, water. An old gentle
man who lives in the Courier-Journal\i
Htate doesn’t believe it, either. “It’s non
sense,” he says, "for the fellow that would
drink watered whisky is hot a man.”
The Mobile merchants closed their stores
when the Lomax Rifles returned from the
national drill, and vied with each other in
doing honor to the victorious soldiers. Now
they are seeking their reward. That is,
they are hoping that part, of the 15,000 prize
money will drop into their cash drawers.
“Why,” asks a contemporary, “are the
Interstate Commerce Commissioners so
quiet? Are they not going to decide the
questions submitted to them f” All in good
time. The Commissioners know that the
commencement season is at hand, and they
are wisely waiting to obtain the views of
The Treasury Surplus.
The statement is made in the dispatches
that as soon as the President returns from
his fishing excursion he will have a confer
ence with Mr. Carlisle and the Secretary of
the Treasury on the question of the advisa
bility of calling an extra session of Con
gres-. Of course the main argument for an
extra session is the necessity for making
provision for getting rid of the surplus in
the Treasury.
In an interview a day or two ago the Sec
retary said that he had authority to antici
pate the payment of interest on bonds or to
go into the market and buy bonds. He did
not propose to buy bonds, he said, because
if he should attempt to do anything of that
kind the price of them would at once be ad
vanced. although it is rwnaakably high
now. It is probable, however, that he will
offer to pay interest before it becomes du?.
and if the bondholders will accept it about
$40,<100.000 of the surplus can be got rid of
in that way before the meeting of Congress
in regular session.
All the 3 per cents, have been called and
will be paid by July 1. No other bonds will
mature before 1831, and cannot be paid%e
fore'that <latc unless they are purchased at
the market price. If the bondholders will
co-operate with the Treasury Department,
and aciept interest before it is due, enough
of the surplus can lie distributed to prevent
disturbances in monetary affairs, and thus
make an extra session of Congress unneces
sary. The Secretary, however, leaves the
inference to be drawn that an extra session
trill be necessary unless some of the surplus
can be distributed in the way he mentions.
One of the reasons against an extra session
is the belief that Congress would not do
much until after the holidays if it were
called together in October. A great many
of the members would find excuses for re
maining away, and others would not leave
their homes until after the October elec
tions. Doubtless the Secretary of the Treas
ury will be able to state more definitely
within a month or so what the chances of
the interest being accepted in advance arc.
Even if the interest is anticipated the actual
surplus will be over SI2O,(XK),OJO after its
payment. After Dec. 1 the accumulation
in the Treasury of the currency of the
country above the wants of the govern
ment will be about $15,000,000 a month. It
will be necessary for Congress to act
promptly if it does not meet before the
regular session.
Chandler Bobs Up Again.
Ex-Secretary of the Navy Chandler is
almost forgotten in this part of the country,
but he is still a very lively politician in New
Hampshire. The legislature of that State
is now in session, and is about to elect a
United States Senator to fill the vacancy
caused by the death of Senator Pike, and
also for the term beginning in 18811.
The Republicans have a majority of ten
in the Legislature. The candidates are Gen.
Marston, ex-Senator Rollins and Mr. Chan
dler. The latter is the 1 calling candidate,
but there are enough Republicans opposed
to him to defeat him unless the action of
the caucus is hold to be binding. Chandler
has a record for bolting, but just now he is
denouncing everylcxly who does not believe
in caucus rules.
There is a very interesting as well as im
portant question ] ending before the Legis
lature. It is whether that body can elect a
Senator for the term beginning in 1883.
There is no question, of course, of its, right
to elect a Senator for the unexpired term,
but it is contended that as there will be
another Legislature elected before 1889 the
present body cannot elect a Senator for the
term beginning in that year. On the other
hand it is claimed that as the next Legisla
ture does not meet until June of 1889 there
will be a vacancy in the Senatorial office of
three months, and that the law of Congress,
which requires that the election of a Sena
tor’s successor shall be made bv Legislature
chosen next before close of his term, never
intended that there should be a vacancy.
The question is attracting considerable at
tention, not only because of its novelty but
also because the outlook is that the next
Legislature will be Demoeratic, and will,
therefore, choose a Democrat for Senator.
The importance of electing a Senator for
the long term is fully realized by the Repub
licans. Their majority in the United States
Senate is a very narrow one, and they pro
pose, if possible, not to give the Democrats
a chance to -make it still narrower.
The New Hampshire Supreme Court lias
decided in another case that the law of Con
gress does not control in a case of this kind,
and that, therefore, the present Legislating
h& the right not only to elect a Senator for
the short but also for the long term. The
Legislature has not acted on this decision
yet, but it is probable tnat it will be guided
by it in the present case.
The Democrats are gaining ground rapidly
in New Hampshire and other New England
States, and it may be accepted as certain
that the Republicans are not going to lose
the Senatorship if the}- can help it. They
would rather usurp power than to see the
control of the Unites! States Senate pass to
the Democrats. If there is any fine scheming
to be done Chandler can be depended ui>on
to do it.
Gen. Sheridan says that the late national
drill was a blessing. In his report to Con
gress he will recommend that an annual
national drill be held in Washington at the
expense of the government. Ho thinks such
drills would be a powerful agent in stimu
lating the citizen soldiers in every State to
maintain a perfect organization and thus to
be ready to serve State or country in time
of need. Another army officer thinks that
bringing together the militia from all parts
of the country once a year would do much
toward breaking down sectional prejudices.
A cable dispatch to the New York World
announces that the German authorities have
added a now machine to their military
equipment. It is a combination of steam
engine, electrical machine, and huge re
flector. It can run over any kind of ground.
It will be used for the purpose of projecting
n strong light in front of important works
so as to guard against surprise. In the
meantime, the French authorities are trying
to increase their supply of carrier pigeons.
The two nations will have each other by the
throat sooner or later.
In announcing Mrs. Brown Potter’s pro
posed roapicarnnce upon the London stage,
the English papers say: “We are to have
some more Brown Pottery.” The wit of
the English jiapers is peculiar unto itself,
and it is well that it is so. If there were
any like it elsewhere in the world there
would be just that much more misery.
The police will not allow dtizen**of Phila
delphia to be on tiie streets after midnight.
This is a reform in the interest of Philadel
phia wives. They no longer find It neces
sary to sit up all night waiting for their
Uuobasids to return from the lodges.
THE MORNING NEWS: THURSDAY, JUNE 9, 1887.
The Neglect of Agriculture.
Gov. Seay, of Alabama, appears to take
a lively interest In agriculture. In a recent |
interview on the subject he said that the ag
ricultural districts in the South were being
neglected, the cause being the great tendency
of negro laborers to seek employnffmt in the
cities.
“The negroes," the Governor explained,
“ar- flocking to the city. To be sure this is
detrimental to themselves as well as to agri
cultural interests. We are trying through
the schools and otherwise to educate them
to the fact that there is a limited place for
them in the cities. They like short jobs.
They will work two days at good wages and
lie idle the balance of the week. They have
r.ot learned the commonest rules of economy.
If they have a place of shelter and a meal
ahead they seem to care nothing for the
morrow. I sec but one way to prevent the
negroes from leaving the farm*, and that is
to educate them in practical schools.”
The Governor did not state the case ex
actly as it is. It is true that the negroes
are not as thrifty as the whites, but it is not
true that they have learned nothing about
economy. In every Southern State they axe
improving their condition, a fact attested by
the steady increase in the taxes they pay.
Another evidence of improvement in their
condition is the fact that in the cities not so
many of them are idle as in former years.
This is a flat contradiction of the Governor,
but the careful observer will admit that the
statement is correct. The negroes have dis
covered that they must work or starve, and
the result Ls that they work.
There is no doubt that the farm is the
best place for the negroes, and, while it is
true that many oflthem have found homes
in the cities, the large majority of them re
main in the country. If this were not the
case, the owners of the farms would com
plain more frequently of the scarcity of
labor.
In saying, however, that the agricultural
districts were being neglected the Governor
made no mistake. The whites, more than
the negroes, are to blame. The farmers in
many instances have left the farms. The
truth is. in many parts of the South,
the farms are practically in
the hands of the negroes. In the
cities and towns of Georgia may be found
many owners of farms who lease or rent
their property to negroes, or who exercise
only casual supervision over negroes hired
to make crops. This system of farming at.
long range is generally responsible for poor
crops, and, what is quite as bad, for the ruin
of hundreds of acres of good land.
If agriculture is to receive jumper atten
tion the owners of farms must live upon
them and personally direct the laborers.
Fanning is like any other business: it re
quires the careful supervision of those en
gaged in it. It is thus that it can be made
to pay. as lias been demonstrated repeatedly
in this State.
Let farmers and the sons of farmers stay
away from the cities and towns and devote
themselves to their farms. There is no other
way to prevent the agricultural districts
from being neglected.
The Race Problem.
Within the last few years the race prob
lem in this country has grown steadily in in
terest. It is being discussed by writers of
ability, both at the North and at the South,
but thus far very little light ha* been thrown
upon it, mainly because there is no reliable
information of a general character with re
gard to it. The last eensusgivesthenumber
of whites and blacks, and also of Irish, Ger
mans, Italians, French, etc., but it does not
show the number of mulattoes. In the ab
sence of facts, therefore, it is but natural
that there should be a great diversity of
opinion respecting the future of the negro
in this country.
There is to lie a national conference of
colored men at Indianapolis very soon, at
whfch this race problem is to be discussed.
In order to afford a basis for discussion
about 100 letters of inquiry were sent out
from Washington lately to as many men in
the Southern States, asking whether there
was an increase in the number of births of
mixed parentage. Half of the inquiries
were sent to white men and half to black.
The replies furnished no reliable informa
tion. They contained only opinions. Of
the white men who answered -40 per cent,
expressed their belief that a mulatto would
be a rare object in a few generations; 40
per cent, thought that while the number of
births of black and white parentage was de
creasing the number of mulattoes remained
about the same, because of the preference
of colored men for mulatto wives, and 20
per cent, stated frankly that they could
not form a satisfactory opinion whether the
two races were amalgamating or showing
a more marked line of separation.
The replies sent by the colored men showed
the same difference of opinion. Some said
that as the Southern towns grew the per
centage of the mulattoes increased. The
general drift of the opinions of the colored
men was that the tendency of the town
negroes is to grow lighter with every gene
ration, and of the country negroes to remain
stationary in the matter of color, A few
of them expressed the opinion that the full
blooded African was bound to disappear in
the course of a few generations, not by
reason of marriages between blacks and
whites, but because of illegitimate births
and the preference of blacks for lighter
hued wives.
In xdew of the interest that is being taken
in this race problem, the next census will
likely contain an enumeration of the mu
lattoes distinct from that of the blacks. In
that case two census enumerations will be
required for a comparison, and reliable data
on the race problem may not bo reasonably
expected, therefore, until Somo tiino after
1900.
Mr. Blaine did not attend the banquet
given in Editor O'Brien’s honor in New
York on Tuesday evening last. Committees
called at his hotel to invite him, but word
was sent that ho was out. A note was left
for him, but he did not reply to it. Perhaps
Mr. Blaine thought tho English, whom he is
on his way to visit, would not like for him
to sit at table with the Irish agitator.
In Garfield county, Colorado, there are
1,100 unmarried men and only 28 umnnrriod
women. Before going out there, however,
women in search of husbands would do well
to send a committee to examine the bonk
accounts of the 1,100. The fact that there
are 28 unmarried women in the neighbor
hood of so many unmarried men is suspi
cious.
From Allwiny, N. Y., the announcement
is made that the sixty young men who com
jK*e the knee-breeches society of that city
are thinking of making a tour of the coun
try for the purpose of awakening interest
In the abbreviated unmentionables move
ment. the country will survive,
it survival Oscar Wilde’s tour-
CURRENT COMMENT.
The Readiest Argument.
Prom ike Sew York Star litem.)
A contented and prosperous country is the
readiest argument for the continuance of the
Deroocra'ic party in power. With how much
let*, r-aaon has it been invoked in former year
ns a plea against a change from Republicanism.
Yes, He Does.
From Ihe .Yet r York World (Item )
“We wish to abolish poverty,” says I*r Mc-
Glynn. "and. in order lo do this, it is true that
we shall not Is- content vr:lh anything *-Lse than
the earth." From this it appears that.umler
certain circumstances, man tvants a good deal
here below.
Having a Hard Time.
From the Hartford Time* (Dem.)
The over-zealons Republican journals are hav
ing a harl time in booming .Sherman in his dress
of the blood}' shirt People are not hugging
that garment to their bosoms. It has gone out
of fashion. The people of the South want an
harmonious union, and most of the Northern
people agree with them.
Editor O’Brien’s Good Sense.
From the Washington Star ( Ind ).
Mr. William O'Brien has declined to be mixed
up even in name, with the communistic move
ment in America, and his refusal has called down
upon him a shower of vengeful denunciation. It
is even charged that he is in secret collusion with
the Irish landlords and that his apparent hos
tility is in bad faith. It would be quite as just
for him to turn upon his accusers and charge
them with being in the pay of the British gov
ernment to drag him ami his mission into disre-
Site with the honest people of the United States
e has shown his good sense in refusing to let
the Irish patriot cause be made a catspaw for
any scheme to give lazy men a living without
work. ’
BRIGHT BITS.
Don't quarrel, keep cool, be good to every
body, laugh and grow fat, and you will get
through the summer better than to go • a sum
mer resort.—Lancaster Examiner.
Teacher— Who was Alexander Selkirk?
Tommy—He was a civil engineer, .
Teacher—Civil engineer?
Tommy—Yes, ma'am: monarch of all he sur
veyed.—Sew York Sun.
He was a “jewel” when she married him: six
months later he was her "gem." When the
matter came up in the divorce trial, two years
after, she explained that g. e. m stood for
“green-eyed monster."— Washington Critic.
They sat within the parlor dim:
I passed and heard her say to him.
“I wish, dear George, that you'd behave —
If not, I wish that you would shave."
—Lowell Courier.
“Mamma," exclaimed a precocious New York
boy. "the policemen of Boston don't wear
pants.”
"Gracious:" exclaimed the scandalized lady,
“you don't tell me,"
"It's a fact." persisted the boy, “they wear
trousers.”— Life.
A boy traveling with bis father got up in the
night and walked out of the door of the sleeping
car. which was going at full speed, and did not
aw ake until he began turning somersaults. Then
he said: “All right, pa. I'm getting right up,"
and was fast a deep again when the trackman
found him.— Oil City Blizzard.
Matter-of-fact lady (pointing to art treasure)
—That's real cute!
Enthusiast—Yeti', its nearly 200 years old.
Matter-of-fact lady i encouragingly)—Never
mind, nobody would kDow if you didn't tell, and
it's real pretty all the same.
Enthusiast is moved to tears.— Toxcn Topics.
A missionary in Africa found a heathen tribe
worshipping an Episcopal prayer-book. and was
encouraged to think that his lines had fallen in
pleasant places. He wanted to go home when
ne learned that the heathen had adopted the
book as an idol, on account of its gilded edges,
after eating the missionary who owned it.—
Norristown Herald.
A Yot'NG Japanese, educating himself in this
country and gradually acquiring the flexible
language which a native begins to learn just
about the time Jie dies, was invited to tea with
some friends.
“Is your tea all out. Mr. Jinrikosba?” inquired
the hostess. The young man looked into his
empty cup. analyzed the sentence and replied:
“On, no; it'? all in.” —Brooklyn Eagle.
Possible Ostomzh- -What does a first-class
funeral cost, Mr. Leymeout;
Mr. Layineout (undertaker)—Why, none of
your family are dead, are they?
Possible Customer—No, not yet: but the old
lady has bought a kerosene stove. Johnny's got
anew bicycle and my eldest daughter is keeping
company with a Pittsburg dude who carries a
hair-trigger pistol. It's well enough to keep
abreast of the market.— Judge.
“Don't you think.” observed Richelieu, "that
it would be a source of improvement to have a
friend who would tell us of our faults, and at
the same time allow us to point out his own de
fects?”
“No, I don't," said Araminta, decidedly; “I
speak from experience, too. for my best friend
and I once tried it.' 1
"Why, what was wrong about it?”
“W’eU, you see, we haven't spoken to each
other for two years!’’— Detroit Free Press.
Os the A vests: ; Grigsby and Chaflley meet—
Grigsby—Haw, I say. don't cher know—
Chaffley (promptly ►—No.
Grigsby Haw. No what?
Chaffley—l don't know.
Grigsby (bewildered)—Haw. What don't cher
know?
Chaffley—What you were going to say?
Grigsby (confused)—Oh, I say, don't cher
know, I wasn't going to say anything, don't cher
know.
Chaffley—Oh! Then I forgive you.
Grigsby retires to the club with a raging head
ache.—Jtncri Topics.
PERSONAL.
P.uskik issn strong now that he is contemplat
ing an extended tour.
President Garrett, of the Baltimore and
Ohio, will sail for Europe on June 16.
Count Tolstoi, the Russian novelist, is an ex
pert shoemaker aig} meads his own clothes.
J. T. Trowbridoe will go to Kennebunkport,
Me., for his “outing.” He is building a cottage
there.
Every other summer lTiillips Brooks, the
great Boston preacher, takes a long vacation.
This is his vacation year.
“The GreaL-Cbief-Without-a-Scalp" is the
title given to tfc i Prince of Wales by the Indians
of the Cody band In London.
The late William E. Wheeler, ex- Vice Presi
dent, would hare maiTiod again, two or three
years ago, hat! not his health been in such a
precarfoiis condition.
Dorothy Whitney, who was so thoroughly
christened a short time ago, has been invited to
attend a !>al) at the Naval Academy. She
doesn't feel "quite up to it," however.
Prince Bismarck recently drank at one gulp
a quart of champagne, which had lieen poured
out for him iuto a drinking cup of a former
German emperor, and then called for another.
Mob. Rampolla, who has just been nominated
Papal Secretary of State, has never acquired
any diplomatic distinction. He has lieen chiefly
noted for his learning and piety and has never
taken any conspicuous part in politics.
Andrew Carneoie has taken the manor house
aiyl shootings of Mr. C. T. C. Grant at Kilgravon,
Perthshire, for four months, and will proceed
there with his bride after laying the foundation
stone of the Free Library at Edinburgh.
Terry, a leading London tobacconist, dis
graced himself on the occasion of yucen Victo
ria’s recent progress in London by cutting out
the Irish haip from the standard floating above
his manufactory, which stands on one of the
streets passed by the royal procession.
Lawrence Donovan, the bridge jumper, is a
young man who keeps his eyes open. Observ
ing the enthusiasm which has welcomed the
"Wild West" show in England, he ha*
in London preimred to jump into notoriety turf
wealth If possible. Of all the bridge
Do|> v an seems to be the only only
knows bow to trade on his notoriety. a
Jumper for revenue only and he has ad
miration for British gold.
An interesting feature of t lie of
precedence at the White House the fact
that next year the youngest woman in the Cabi
net circle win have first place in the line of
assistants at the Presidential receptions. Miss
Bayard, tlio eldest daughter of Secretary
Bayard, who now presides over his household,
takes precedence over the other Cabinet ladies
at the right of Mrs. Cleveland. Misa Bayard
is about “irs. Cleveland's age, quite tall, and a
very attractive woman.
Aximadveutixo upon Prof. Tyndall's recent
strictures upon Mr. Gladstone and home rule,
Mr. l-aliouenere says he used to think the lTo
feasor rather an agreeable sort of scientific
man. "Ho did not know very much, 1 believe,
but be used to say It In a very pleasant way.
He had healthy out-door tastes, too; mountain
eering, and so on, which somewhat lifted him
out of the ranks of the ordinary pedant." Now,
however, even that little gilt Is off the ginger
bread, and “Lnbby,” remarking that "there is
not much of tho man left In Prof. Tyndall,"
n<lv.scs him to don a nightcap and soak his feet
in hot water,
A NOTED LIE.
Origin or the Saying “And It Wasn’t a
Good Day for Duc'is Either."
From the St. Louis Globe-Democrat.
In 1850, the year before the war, a party of
Northern Illinois hunters hied themselves to the
lakes of Minnesota for an annual duck hunt of a
few weeks, making the journey to St. Paul,
which was at that time but little more than a
frontier village by a steamer from Dubuque, la
Among the party was a chap named Truax. a
powerful liar, but a jolly, good-natured fellow
withal, whose predominant weakness was reaui
ly excused, if not entirely overlooked by those
who knew him well. Abe, that being his first
name, seemed to struggle more recklessly and
naturally with the truth when talking about tus
prowcso’as a hunter of game than on any other
subject. One day. as the steamer was
plowing its way through Lake Pekin, a number
of the male passengers were seated forward on
the boiler deck in little knots, passing the time
away in conversation. Abe was a prominent
figure in one of the groups, and had already
astonished himself tairlv by the whoppers he
had successfully got off. when the mission of
duck bunting, the mission which himself and
friends were out on, w as adverted to.
"I've shot a few ducks in mv time, broke in
Abe. during a momentary lull in the talk. _
"How many did you ever kill in one day!
queried a cross-eyed passenger from down about
Burlington.
"You mav not believe me. sir. lruax,
"but in the fall of ‘57 I went out alone one
morning about seven miles with my dog and gun
and brought home 200 ducks by actual count?
and it wasn’t a very good 'lay for ducks either
"You did that all alone in one trip?” asked the
cross-eyed man as be put down some figures on
an envelope with a pencil he had cvcls;—iy
taken from his vest pocket.
"Yes, sir. I did." said Truax, with a tinge of
ill humor to h’* tone.
"Those ducks would weigh about two ana a
half pounds apiece, wouldn't they?" casually
remarked the Burlington man, as he kept on
making characters with his pencil.
"I should say they would,'' remarked the un
suspecting Ate.
Well, then." said the persistent querist, "you
killed just 650 pounds of ducks: and if you can
tell me how one man is able to lug that weight
seven miles, and carry a gun at the
you can do something that no other liarS the
Northwest can match" .
Ate reflected a minute, and with "That's a
whopper, isn't it, gentlemen?" he invited the
whole party into the bar to take something at
his erper.se
The remark. "And it wasn't a good day lo
ducks, either." was used banteringlv on Truax
during the remainder of the trip, and in time it
became common on the Mississippi, w hence ;t
spread until it became one of the proverbial
Americanisms of the time.
A GOOD ONE ON DEPEW.
His Titled Auditors Who Had to Have
Diagrams With Their Jokes.
From the Kansas City Times.
Apropos of English lack of humor, the follow
ing good story is told by Ben Butterworth on
Hon. Chauncey M. Depew.
Depew was visiting London on one occasion,
and was entertained at a dinner of the lords of
the realm. Being called on for a speech he began
by saying that he arose with much embarrass
ment" before such a company for the reason
that his friend (fen Horace Porter, who usually
wrote for him the remarks he made on such
occasions, was absent. He then went on to make
the best of the situation and made what he
thought was a fairly funny speech, but not a
sign of appreciation was given, and he sat down
feeling that he had made a failure. His feeling
was verified when he heard the presiding lord
express sorrow that Mr. Depew was deprived of
the assistance of his friend, for they had under
stood he was a capital after-dinner speaker.
Two days later he met this presiding lord, who
said:
"O, Mr. Depew. do you know that I have come
up to London expressly to say to you that I did
not see the humor of your speech until the day
after the dinner. I am sorry we were all so
stupid, but now we all agree that it was a capi
tal speech, and that we wasted our sympathy in
taking your reference to your friend Porter as
in earnest."
"My lord," said Depew, "did you ride to Lon
don on a freight train?"
"No; oh. no," said the lord in a tone of sur
frise. “I came on the regular passenger train,
never ride on freights. "
Four days later Mr. Depew was astonished to
see this lord in Paris.
"I have come," said the lord, "expressly to
tell you that I never saw the point of your ques
tion about my riding to London on a freight
train until the next day; why. sir, that's a finer
bit of humor than the other about your friend
Porter."
Mr. Depew was satisfied that to scatter humor
among the English was unsatisfactory.
Cautious to the Last.
Burdette in Brooklyn Eagle.
When the census marshal reached the farm
house of Macameron Oberbeister. in Conestoga
county. Pa., the wary farmer met him at the
door with a shot-gun, and when the marshal
asked his name, one of the boys went out to the
liarn and untied three dogs. They chased the
marshal clear across the township, when some
neighbors headed him off. and then they put
him in jail to hold him for trial. "You see."
said Farmer Oberheister, "we re onto those
sharpers: they think we're fools because we
live in the country, but we're too smart for
these town swindlers. You see. in 1879 there
came along a fellow who played the reaping
machine commission game on me and teat me
out of $300: that made me mad. Then along in
1881, a fellow from Philadelphia came out here
and played the cloth game on me, and that cost
$205. Then the Three Horse Clevis
man came next year and he teat me
out of SBO easy enough. Then the everlasting
metallic paint man be played me for $l4O, and
then last year the sunrise wheat fellow got into
all of us for about SSO apiece, and this year the
Bohemian oats crowd got about all the ready
money there was in the county and took notes
for the rest of it, and now this fellow he comes
along and wants to know what my name is. but
1 atn tixi sharp for him. Oh. I tell you, the Con
estoga county boys are onto 'em: we're too
smart for these fellows." It will be apt to go
hard with the census marshal, although his
trial will not come off for some time, us a man
has just come into the county selling State
rights for the Pottsdam fertilizer, a machine
that grinds up the hardest stones into the rich
est and cheajiest fertilizer ever put on to the
ground, and all the farmers are too busily en
gaged in securing agencies for the machine to
attend to court business.
Do You Know Who I Am?
From the San Francieco Chronicle.
1 like the fellow who in always asking, or
seeming to 'ask. “Don't you know who I amt"
It is human nature to he ashamed of being in
significant, of being unknown. The occupation
does not deprive a man of that sense of living of
some importance in the world. At the same
time, there is nothing a man resents an quickly
as being asked. "Don't you know who I am?’’
Nobody in creation can keep hack t.lie answer,
internally, if he ran keep it to himself, of “No.
I don't, and I don’t care a— There was
once a very Important .State official in California
who thought that everybody knew him. or ought
to know him. He was one day walking through
a field, when a hull addressed him in an under
tone and made for him with its head down and
horns in a position to raise him. He was a State
official, a man of dignity and political power
and natural pomposity, hut he ran. He r.in
surprisingly well. He ran even lietter than lie
did for office, and he got to the fence first. He
clambered over out of breath and dignity, and
found the owner of the bull calmly contem
plating the operation.
you mean, sir?" asked the irate offi
cial. do you mean by having an in
furiated animal like that roaming over Ihe
fields?”
“Well, I guess the bull has some right in the
field-” >
"Right! Right! Do you know who I am,
sir? Do you know who I am?”
The farmer shook Unbend.
“I, sir, I am Hen. ."
“Why in thunder didn't you tell the bull?”
In Medio Tutisslmua.
I>et other men wrangle and strive.
And struggle, and scheme, and contrive.
For me ’tls disereoter, and meoter, and sweeter
to sit on the fence by myself:
I know that the scorn of the world
At my meaningless mean will he hurled,
But I have no measure, or leisure, or pleasure,
to struggle for power of pelf.
There are fellows whose greatest delight
Is to hunt for the midst of the fight.
And jostle nnd shoidder the older and holder,
and knock out the timid and slim;
So if I, of a peace-loving mind.
To roost on the fence am inclined.
Small odds If they hiss me, or kiss me, or miss
me,
For keeping up out of the swim.
If ever I go to the war.
I'll go In the medical corps.
And then while they're fighting, and biting, and
smiting, and shedding bad language
and gore;
I'll turn from the strife I abhor,
Both sides of the field I'll explore.
Where the wounded are creeping, and sleeping,
and weeping.
Sweet balm in their hurt# I will pour.
IvOBEJiT J. BIWOETTX.
ITEMS OF INTEREST.
A SHEEP raiser in Texas is reported to have a
beard five feet four inches long and twenty-one
inches wide in the broadest part. It is of a
rich chestnut color and ,ts owner is very proud
of it.
Some tkickstzr inserted the letter S into a
bill pending in the Illinois Legislature. If the
trick had not teen discovered it would have
keen illegal to sell "spools'' on race tracks in
that State.
Less than twenty-five yenrs ago the capital
stock of the Standard Oil Company was $25,000:
now it is over $150,000,000, and has a cash divi
dend of $25,000,000 to pay out every year, to say
nothing of big sinking funds held in reserve.
A Puts Indian near Camp Harney. Ore.
came very near paying a visit to the happy
hunting grounds recently. He painted his gums
a dark green and his teeth a deep red. and the
paint poisoned him. A rugged constitution
saved him.
There is a- an down the slough seven or
eight miles from Prairie, Me., who lives a very
secluded life. He has a little house built in the
forks of a tree, and he permits nobody to in
trude upon his privacy. Several parties have
conversed with him at a distance. He is armed
with a rifle and a Revolver. No one knows his
name or from whence he came.
"Pogonip” is said to be the name given by
mountaineers of Nevada to a sort of frozen fog
that appears sometimes in winter, even on the
clearest and brightest of days. In an instant
the air is filled with floating needles of ice. To
breathe the pogonip is death to the lungs. When
it comes the people rush to cover. The Indians
dread it as much as the whites. It appears to
be claused by the sudden freezing in the air of
the moisture which collects about the summits
of the high pieaks.
HEnry C. Wall.of Company F, First Virginia
Regiment, went to the national encampment at
Washington a private. He is now a corporal.
His promotion was the result of an unfortunate
incident. While he was on guard duty some
soldiers from the Rhode Island regiment tried
to pass the lines. Wall ordered them back and
thev insulted him. Thereupon he stabbed two
of them and thev were taken to the hospital.
The Colonel of the Rhode Island regiment sus
tained the action of Wall, who was subse
quently promoted for his devotion to duty.
Two young English ladies living at Dresden
recently went to Berlin on a visit, and, wishing
to make the most of their time, wrote to the
Chancellor, expressing their fervent wish to see
him. whereupon they received an invitation to
his palace, where they were most kindly re
ceived. A servant took them through the pal
ace. and showed them everything of interest,
with which they were, of course, greatly de
lighted. their jov culminating when Prince Bis
marck himself suddenly appeared and addressed
them most kindly in fluent English, walking
with them for some time in the garden before
biddiug them farewell.
Many strange scenes have been witnessed by
the keepers of Highland lighthouse, C'ajie Cod,
and ghastly relics of shipwrecks have teen
found along the shore. The log-book tells of the
loss of many a good ship: sometimes it is writ
ten "all lost'': next some have lived to tell the
tale, and next come the cheerful words, "all
saved." Of the ten acres originally purchased
about seven remain, a sure proof of the ravages
of old ocean. The cliffs at this point are of a
heavy clay soil, and wear away very slowly.
Beach grass has caught in along the foot of the
cliffs in places, and has done more than all the
money spent by the government to prevent the
cliffs from washing away.
Therx is a great boom in cathedral building
these days, but of all the builders it appears
that the Episcopal Bishop of Albany, N. Y.,
shows the most zeal. It is related on excellent
authority that one of his right reverence's
parishioners, who happens to be pleasuring
abroad, shipped him a consignment of French
bonnets from Paris to be sold in the interest of
truth and the Albany cathedral. The bishop
has interested himself personally in putting
them on the market, and Inasmuch as they are
high crowned affairs, very suitable for a church
with a dash of ritualism to it he has not found
it difficult to sell them. His amiable consort
sells lawn mowers in the same good cause.
Prof. Thomas, of Little Bock, has a curious
library-. The covers of the books are of wood,
each a different specimen. The visitor picks up
a book. He finds that it is a solid bit of wood in
the shape of a handy volume The books are
made from white oak, red oak, black oak, chest
nut, American teach, birch, red cedar, yellow
pine, pitch pine, willow, poplar, cypress, "old
field," or long-leaved pine, Dois <v arc. black
walnut, hickory (several varieties), white and
red maple, box elder, black locust, sumac, water
locust, coffee bean, wild plum, holly-, basswood,
pa paw, bay. umbrella, wild cherry, sweet gum.
elm (several varieties) sycamore", witch-hazel,
butternut, pecan, hickory, and twenty or more
other woods.
Says a Mexican mine owner: “We usually
have trusty men who act as detectives and work
around in the mine picking up information. It)
this way we discover many- strange devices to
smuggle out the mineral. One day a detective
came to me and said when such and such men
come out examine their sandals. I had that
done. On the bottoms of the sandals was what
appeared to be mud. but when it was scraped
into a pan and worked I found that it ran at the
rate of $-3,000 to the ton. My miners had plas
tered a thin layer of mud from the mine over
the leather and then sprinkled on the particles
of silver, and over all had put another layer of
mud. They were working tor 37L£c. a day. and
carrying out 50c. worth of silver on the sole of
each sandal"
An East Indian nobleman became enamored
of a professional beauty at Simia. and when
leaving he gave her an invitation to pay a visit
to his Calcutta residence. She accepted with
pleasure, and he informed her that as soon es
the house was readv for the reception of his
numerous visitors b would send her a telegram
fixing the date of her visit. About a month
elapsed when the gentleman sent a telegram to
the lady, saying: "Come as soon as posable."
He received the following reply the same eve: -
iug: “My terms are 300 rupees a month and all
found.” He was naturally much astonished,
hut decided to take the bull by the horns.
wired tack: "All right, come at once." I e
drove to the station and met not the beauty, bt t
a midwife of the same name.
One hundked and four of the 149 members of
the graduating class of Yale College tell, in the
'B7 Class Book, what their college expenses hat e
been. Of these, fifty-five have kept expense ac
counts. and ton have preserved partial records
of their expenditures. The remainder have nrv
sumably estimated as nearly as possible ttar
expenses. On the basis of those answers, the
average expense of freshman year was 5834 98,
of sophomore year $931 91. and the junior year
8939 82. Inasmuch as the figuresare necessarily
compiled tafore the end of the senior year, an
element of estimate enters into all senior ex
penses. One hundred and eleven men line
given a careful estimate of their expenses enr
senior year, of w hieh the average is 5948 28. The
highest price paid by anv one for r-gular board
by the week was $9, while five have paid SB, and
one man claims to have boarded a week on the
total outlay of 12c.
When Senator Ben. Wade was a circuit judge
in Ohio, one of his decisions was reversed by the
Supreme Court of the State, and the case came
back to him on mandate. He disregarded the
mandate and followed his first decision. "But,
your honor,” exclaimed the beaten counsel,
"the Supreme Court reversed vnur former judg
ment !" "Yes. so I have heard.” was the reply.
"I will give them a chance to get right," The
decision was again reviewed, this time with
Judge Wade’s written opinion, and the court de
cided that he was right. A bill of costs hail been
before him for three terms, and had been dis
cuased at inordinate length. As he was about
closing the third term, the attorney in the case
reminded him that the matter had not been dis
posed of. “What is the amount in dispute?”
asked Judge Wade. “Nine dollars and
cents." "I pay the blanked thing myself," said
lie, throwing n $lO bill to the clerk. "Enter the
costs satisfied.”
Gen. Hamilton, of South Carolina, narrated the
following interesting account of the commence
ment of the Revolutionary struggle; “When,"
said he, "John Hancock and Samuel and John
Adams determined to resist the oppression of
the mother country, they sent Josiah Qnincy,
Jr., to South Carolina to obtuin the suppirt of
that cavalier colony, the very- pet of the British
crown, to stand by them in the coming struggle.
The first person on whom Mr. Quincy called was
Thomas Lynch, Sr., who, with a princely for
tune, hail staked everything from the jump in
the glorious contest. Mr. Quincy, coming by
land from Boston, drove up to Mr. Lynch's resi
dence on the South Santee river, now called
Peach Tree. After communicating his mesrage,
which met with the warm concurrence of Mr
Lynch, he and Mr. Quincy started for Charles
ton, ami in the house of Miles Burton, then an
an opulent and patriotic merchant, whose
wealth greatly depended on peace with England,
met John Rutledge, Christopher Gadsden and
other South Carolina pat riots Then nnd there
wa* concocted the great scheme of colonial re
sistance which was afterward uttered in the
war shout at Bunker Hill, and rees-hoed in the
thunders from the Palmetto fort at Charleston
on June 28 folio whig.”
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ftj
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PLUMBER. _
l. a. McCarthy,
Successor to Chas. E. Wakefield,
PLUMBER, GAS and STEAM FIT®
48 Barnard street, SAVANNAH, UA.
Telephone 37a.