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Morning News Bjilding, Savannah, Ga.
WEDNESDAY. JUNE 15. 1887.
Registered at the Post Offlrv in Savannah.
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INDEX 10 NEW ADVERTISEMENTS,
Meetings- Golden Rule lexlge No. 12. I. O. O.
F.; Magnolia Encampment No. 1. I. O. O. F.
Special Noth Etc Ladies’ Day of Savannah
Yacht Club; Notice. H. C. Davis.
Medical ferry Davis' Pain Killer.
Steamship .Schedule—Ocean Steamship Com
Grand Opes mo —Charles Kolshom & Bro.
Cheap Column Advertisements Help
Wanted: Employment, Wanted; For Rent; For
Sal": Personal; Miscellaneous
Educational—Ward’s Seminary for Young
I’icNiu -Savannah Turn Verein at Schuetzcn
The Morning News for the Summer.
Hensons leaving the city for the summer
ran have the Morning News forwarded by
the earliest fast mails to any address at the
rate of 28e. a week, $1 for a month or $2 50
for three months, cash invariably m ad
vance. The address may he changed as
often as desired. In directing a change rare
should l>e taken to mention the old as well
as the new address.
Those who desire to have t heir home paper
promptly delivered to them while away
should leave their subscriptions at the Busi
ness Office. Special attention will he given
to make this summer Hervice satisfactory and
to forward papers by the most direct and
The Morning News will begin the pub
lication next Sunday of a very bright and
intensely interesting story, entitled “Nora
of the Adiroiulacks,” by Anne ft, Ellis. This
story was written for the Morning News,
and it will be found to lie well worth read
ing. It contains thirty-eight chapters, and
grows in interest with each chapter. The
President's annual fishing excursion to the
Adirondaeks lends new interest to that sec
tion of country, and a story in which some
of its features are describes! can hardly fail
to be appreciated.
All over the Kouth, just now, King Cot
ton is reaching out for liis crown.
There are people in this world who seem
to be utterly oblivious to the misery they
cause when they “drop into poetry.”
It is said that the Nebraska Indians have
organized a base ball club. Ambitious um
pires may now have the opportunity of
learning how It feels to lie tomahawked.
The Galveston News continues to attack
ex-Congressman N. J. Hammond, of this
State. Perhaps the Actus wanted some
thing which the ex-Congrensman refused to
The papers are saying tliat Dr. McGlynn
has burned his shijis behind him. So for
the doctor has refiLsed to have anything to
do with ships, especially those bound to
Gov. Gordon is interested in sHNing that
the young idea is properly taught how to
Shoot. He is attending the commencement
exercises of the branches of the State Uni
Ex-Secretary Manning thinks that Mr.
Cleveland is the winning card in the politi
cal game. Mr. Manning is a level-headed
st atesman, and in political matters he makes
There is an old lady in Georgia who will
never send one of her (laughters to Vassar
College. “What with their coats an’ vests
an’ jockey hats,” she says, “women is nigh
enough like men now, ’thout ruakin’ bach
elors of ’em.”
According to the Alliany ,Vnt* and Ad
vf iiiner, there is not, so far this season, a
cloud in the Southwest Georgia fanner’s
sky. The crop reports wore never more
favorable, and there is promise of an ahuiul-
Hnt harvest. This sort of boom is a lioon.
If the promise of good crops is realized there
will lie happiness all over Georgia next fall.
The American Protective Alliance is an
organization of which no one can become a
menilier unless he is an American citizen.
It prop isos next year to nominate Gen. N.
I’. Banks, of Massachusetts, for President.
Any organization, whether composed of
American citizens or not, can nominate a
man for President, but to elect him is quite
The New York Tribune. says: “W ell, the
President in out the woods, lmt the Demo
cratic purty isn’t.” After the service it has
done the country in driving the Republicans
from power, the Democratic party is
entitled Pi picnic a little in the woods. It
will come nut when neoeaaary—that is, in
IW, when the next Republican national
funeral takes place.
During the Cleveland-Blaine campaign,
Jock Shaw, a nopsl Republican politician of
Khumokiu, Pa., w irked for the Plumed
Knight. When he heard of the P. K.'s
ilefeut he exclaimed: “I’ll never wear a
coat while a Democratic President ooeuph*
the White House!” Ho far helms kept bis
promise. He has recently been on n visit to
tvxitland, going and returning without a
coat. Unlew he decides pi break his promise
he will go coatlees a long time.
Th* Bouton Record says: “It often seems
a-s if Mouthem devotion to the lost cause
were now largely verbal.” The Record is n
Republican paper, and it admires the “New
Mouth." Its fling was prompted liy tlw fact
that, the wisslen head-lssu-ds at the graves
of the :xio. v'otiCvlvraU' soldiers buried on
Johnson's Island lie rotting on the ground,
n Would tie well for the “Old Mouth” to lie
resurrected long enough to replace those
HaatUnanU will. ral...| T|
The Socialists in Politics.
A dispatch from Chicago, which appeared
in the Morning News yesterday, stated
that the Socialistic Lalxir party wasmakiftg
preparations to enter politics on national
issues, and that a call had I veil issued by
the National Executive Board for a conven
tion to be held some time in September. A
convention of the lytlior party of New York
is to he held at Syracuse, in that State, on
Aug. 17, the purpose being to nominate
State officers for the fall election.
While •it is not stated that the
Socialistic Labor party, which has its head
quarters ut Chicago, and the labor party of
New York belong to the same organization,
it is probable that they are not so far apart
their aims and objects that it would be a
difficult matter for them to coine together
on national issues. Whatever differences
there may lie between them could, in all
probability, be easily harmonized, and that
an effort will lie made to harmonize them,
in order to secure greater strength, there is
no good reason to doubt.
It is stated by the New York Herald that
three of thp planks that will lie put in the
platform of the New York Labor party are
known. The Henry George land theory is
one of them: another is that the govern
ment shall take possession of the railroads
and telegraphs, and the other is that legal
tender notes shall be issued by the govern
ment Pi take the place of the coin stored in
the Treasury. It is probable that all of
t he* planks are unobjectionable Pi the So
cialists of Chicago and other sections of the
Of course the Socialists know that alone
they have not sufficient strength to play a
prominent part in national, or even State,
Jiolitics. What they hope to do is to draw
to their standard workingmen in all parts
of the country. If they can do that they
will be able Pi wield very considerable
power at the ballot-box. But can they draw
the workingmen to their standard? They
certainly believe they can, and doubtless
they base this lielief upon the large vote
which Henry George received in the last
election for Mayor of New York city.
It is probable, however, that workingmen
will have their eyes opev.ed to the dangers
of socialism liefore the national contest in
I*BB, and will refuse to iiave anything to do
with a party which, if it were successful at
the polls, would not do them any good.
Even Henry George has never satisfactorily
explained how his land theory would lieneflt
the poor man. Every earnest workingman
who hasn’t a home of his own is looking for
ward Pi the time when he will have one,
and not a few of them expect, in the course
of time, to be owners of land. It is difficult
to see, therefore, how they are to be con
vinced that they will be benefited by Henry
George’s land scheme.
If the government were P> take [lossession
not only of the land but also of the rail
roads and telegraph lines how would the
condition of workingmen be improved? The
government doesn’t pay as good wages as
can lie obtained elsewhere, and the transfer
of the railroads and telegraphs to it would
only result in centralizing it and doubling
the number of its employes. The working
men would not lie lienefited. The chances
are that they would lie harmed. As the
government grows stronger tho ballot
becomes weaker. The ballot is now the
means by which the workingmen seek to
redress whatever wrongs they may suffer,
and as the importance of that declines the
less able will they lie to compel attention to
The issuance of legal tender notes by the
government would help speculators, but
would not those who labor with their
hands. If it should cause an increase
in wages the increase would lie no
where near as great as the increase
in the prices of everything workingmen
require. Indeed, it is difficult to see how the
condition of workingmen would be im
proved by any one of the three things which
the New York Labor party proposes to put
in its platform. When they become con
vinced of this, and doubtless they will be
come convinced of it, they will let the
Socialists and Henry George alone.
The Hare and the Tortoise.
A learned professor in a Georgia college
gave a student a note not long ago, and said
to him: “Deliver this to your father.” The
student obeyed, and was rewarded by hear
ing the note read. It wits as follows: “It
would be money in your pin diet to keep
your son at home. He will never learn any
thing except. by observation.”
The student in question was not a fool.
He was u plodder, however, and his profes
sor was unfortunately unable to sympathize
with him. The student was kept ut home,
and his classmates will miss him at the iq>-
It has passisl into a proverb that the,
brightest men in college are not often the
most successful in after life. The plodder
may be the butt of his professors and col
lege inub-s, but he often lives to redeem him
self and to take high rank among those who
direct the world's affairs. In a Georgia
college, a good many years ago, there was a
stiu lent who seemed unable to learn any
thing. During his first term he was derided
by his professor* and his fellow-students, and
when he failed to rise into a higher
class be was advised by his friends to lure
himself to a farmer as plowboy. He refused
to accept the advice, saying that he had en
tered college with the intention of obtain
ing n diploma and that nothing loss would
satisfy him. He was five years working for
what he wanted, and when success finally
rewarded his efforts he ranked lowest of his
class. To-day no other Georgian holds a
higher position as an educator and thinker.
Ills works on philosophical and ethical sub
jects are widely known. He is besides one
of the most highly honored members of the
faculty of one of the leading universities of
Those who laugh at the plodders should
remember the fable of the hare and the
tortoise. College professors who have had
long experience ought to know that most of
the chances are in favor of the plodders,
and they ought also to know that very
much that is worth knowing is learned by
observation. What is obtained from the
text ttooks is the smallest part of a man's
Robert Small is arranging to make a vig
orous contest for the seat in the House held
by Hon. William Elliott, of the Seventh
South Carolina district. He is importuit*
ing Democratic lawyers to take his ease.
Small will not get the seat. He has sat in
Congress from South Carolina for the last
time, it is probable that he hopes to make
a little money out of tbo contest.
The United Labor party of Ohio will
probably nominate William Moans, of Cun
einnati, for Governor. He is a Democrat,
an ox-Mavor, and a bank president. It is
tx-llcvcd that the Democrats will also noml
naLo Urn. in Uus event he will bo oioctod.
THE MORNING NEWS: WEDNESDAY, JUNE 15, 1887.
Scheming Pension Agents.
The impression is growing that pension
claim agents are the cause of the hostility
that some of the Grand Army people have
shown to the proposed visit of the President
to St. Ixiuis next October. It is lielieved
that these agents have a scheme to present
another jsniper pension bill to Congress next
winter, and they want the Grand Army at
its Bt. Louis encampment to indorse it, and
they are afraid that the President’s presence
will defeat them plan.
Numerous efforts have been made to have
the Grand Army endorse pension bills, and
a particularly strong effort has been made
to have the Grand Army posts condemn the
President for his veto of the dependent pen
sion bill. All of these efforts have failed,
however, because the wiser and cooler beads
of the organization have felt that as soon as
the Grand Army took an active part in
political matters its usefulness would be de
stroyed and it would in all probability go to
The few loud-mouthed Grand Army men
who have been making tbemseh es so conspic
uous in connection with the President’s pro
posed St. Louis visit are probably acting for
the unscrupulous pension claim agents at
askington. If they are, they ought to be
exposed. The Grand Army ought to tie
made acquainted with the selfish and de
signing members of their organization who
are more anxious to use it to advance their
own schemes than to promote its welfare.
The country approves the President’s
course with respect to pension bills, and it is
propable that the great majority of the
Grand Army approve it. It is in accord
ance with justice and common sense. While
he remains the chief executive the pension
claim agents will not fill their pockets out of
the public treasury.
The Baltimore and Ohio Deal.
It is now stated quite positively that the
Baltimore and Ohio deal that was talked
allout so much a month or so ago, and which
appears to have been almost forgotten dur
ing the last, few weeks by the public, will
soon be completed According to this state
ment the money has ail been secured, is now
in bank and will lie paid to Mr. Garrett lie
fore the option expires. It is hinted that
Jay Gould is the party who furnished most
of the money, and that the Baltimore and
Ohio system, within the next six months,
by combinations and purchases, will be one
of the longest in the country. It will ex
tend from New York to Kansas City, Chi
cago. St. Louis and the Gulf States. The
Baltimore and Ohio telegraph line will be
absorbed by the Western Union and the
Baltimore and Ohio Express Company will
form a part of Adams’ Express Company.
It was expected when the deal was first
made public that Jay Gould would be found
to lie the most important factor connected
with it, although at that time it was stoutly
denied that he had anything to do with it. If
it is true that the projierty is to pass into his
control it is safe to predict that he will find
a way to get the road into New York in
much less time than Mr. Garrett has been
trying to get it there. In fact, it is already
hinted that arrangements have been per
fected for reaching New York over the
tracks of the Jersey Central. It is not im
probable that Mr. Garrett will lie rather
glad when ho is relieved of the responsi
bility of caring for the road. He hasn’t the
head for business matters that his father
hod, and, besides, ho is rather anxious to
get some enjoyment out of his wealth.
R. O. Willis, of Danville, Ky., writes to
the New York Times that in the vicinity of
that town hemp raisers successfully employ
monkey labor in competition with that of
the negro. Perkins & Chrisnian have a
force of eleven large monkeys of the semi
gorilla species found near Cape Town,
South Africa. Smith & Murphy have about
twenty-six. J. B. Parks, near Kingston,
Ky., who introduced monkey labor into the
hemp fields of Kentucky, now has a force
of seventeen. James Guthrie, of Shelby
ville, Ky., has twelve. Other less ex
tensivo planters have from two to five
each. They do the work better than the
negro, and at one-fourth of the cost. They
are taught very easily, as they are intelli
gent, docile, and even affectionate. The
average cost of the monkeys is SOO each.
They are brought direct from Cape Town,
South Africa, to Pensacola, Fla., and from
that city are taken to Lexington, Ky.,
where they are distributed throughout the
hemp fields. Hemp raising, with this new
species of cheap labor, is decidedly profit
able, which is not the case with free lalior.
The negroes do not like the appearance of
things, and many of them declare that either
they or the monkeys will liave to go. Did
Mr. Willis get his information from Joe
Mr. T. K. McKniglit is a Pittsburg iron
manufacturer who recently visited the
South. He was much impressed with the
wonderful industrial growth of Alabama
and Tennessee. He said, when he returned
to Pittsburg: “The fever to build in those
States is almost uniNiralltded. Capitalists
from the West, the North, and even from
England, are rushing into building iron
works of every description, wherever they
can secure a foothold of available territory.
In the time I was there I heard of fifty cor
porntions with plans for building in tho
near future. The country is literally alive
with schemes, and even tho natives are
forming companies to build works.” Mr.
McKnigbt is l ight about the activity which
prevails in Alabama and Tennessee, but his
statement that “even the natives are form
ing companies to build works” contains an
unjust implication. The “native*” were the
first to “build works,” and their energy has
led to the remarkable development now in
King Kalnknua, it is said, has tieen having
a royal time since Queen Kepiolani de
parted for Europe. He bought a dog-cart
in Kan Francisco, and the dusky belles of
Honolulu have all had Sunday excursions
In it, to the delight and edification of the
kingdom. Another result of tho Queen’s
departure has l>een the arrest of the Attor
ney General and his incarceration in the
city prison at Honolulu for drunkenness.
The Queen will probably have n good deal
of scolding to do when she returns to her
At Lynn, Mass., on Sunday last, General
Master Workman Powderly was asked if he
would lie tho lxibor party's candidate for
President in 1888. He replied: “No! Em
phatically no! nor tho candidate of any
other iMirty.” This is 1887; a man may
change his mind many times before tho
Presidential campaign opens in 1888.
The statement is made that SBOO,OOO is
annually expended in Brooklyn by candy
<<aters. The Brooklyn girls m e unfortunate,
or, perhaps, the statement is a mistake.
Generally money Is expended—by young
men- for candy caters.
Take Notice, Senator.
From the Xrtr York II end (Dem.)
Senator John Sbennan of Ohio, will pleas?
take notice that Gen. William Tecumseh Sher
man. “of foe Unit-1 States" says that Mr.
Cleveland is President “by a fair election of the
He Cart Take Care of Himselt
From the Item York Herald Kind. I
Inspire of th** fart that emancipation is onlv
a few years behind him. and that he is subjected.
a Sherman says, to murder, arson, perjury and
other little hindrances, tin* negro seems to be
quite able to take care of himself.
Mr. Cable’s Frugality.
From the Sew York Star (Hem.)
These stories of (he Southern people’s hatred
and vindictiveness toward Mr Cable generally
circulate about the time h.- starts on a lecturing
tour or launches anew bool, am! as advertising
material they may be valuable, but Southern
people who know the facts in the case consider
that, however illustrative they may be of Mr.
Cablet's frugality, they are not creditable to his
Kelley and Randall.
From the Sew York Times (Rep.)
The humorous manner in which Judge Kelley
announces his intention to remain a candidate
for Congress from his distri t as long as he lives
could be indulged in only by a man who felt very
sure of his ground. Possibly Mr. Randall, if he
were capable of humor, might indulge in a sim
ilar statement, but the difference between the
two men would be thar Sir Kelley has always
been in Congress a candid and faithful adherent
to his avowed principles, while Mr. Randall has
been the supple tool of those to whom he pro
fesses to be opposed.
Mr. Ixgersoll has expo "and his idea of heaven.
It. is made of stone and holds two gallons—
A Tux as photographer advertisps to ‘take a
photograph as quick as a mule can kick.”—
Burlington Free Press.
Some physicians say disease is transmitted by
kissing Heart disease is. and the only remedy
is matrimony.- Piiitartelphia Call.
He (anxiously) Miss Jones, do you ever put
your hair up in curl paper?
She (indignantly) No. sir: never!
He i tenderly)—Miss Jones, will you marry me?
— Harper's Bazar.
It is raid that 120 clergymen sailed from New
York for Europe In a single day recently. His
Satanic Majesty can now enjova “half holiday”
in New York, as well as the rest of her working
men.- Sorristotcn Herald.
A Philadelphia paper says there is enough
beer consumed i n the United Stales every year to
float all the navies in the world. That's nothing.
Twenty schooners sometimes come out of one
keg. - Washington Critic.
Ginoseno—Congratulate me, father. I'm going
to be married.
Girigseng’s father—Do you think the lady will
be able to support you m the style you have
been ascustomed?— Pittsburg Dispatch,
Husband—Now, Mrs. B.'s dress, I suppose, is
what you would call a symphony?
Wife—Yes, a Wagnerian symphony.
Wife—Because it’s so loud.— Sew Haven
There is no sort of truth in the report that
after the London season Mrs Brown Potter is
going to join Mrs. Bernard Beere's troupe,
and that their party of touring comedians is
to be known as the “Potter-Beere Company.”—
London Punc h.
A bi.ue-ohass Kentuckian of sporting pro
clivities was standing in front of Wiliam s one
day last week, watching (he stream of lovely
women float by. “Gao!” said he, “woman is
the prettiest thing God ever made—except a
horse.” - Washington Critic.
Auctioneer—Here is an excellent timepiece.
Solid gold case, stem winder, full jewelled, best
Waltham movement. Worth ?I<lo of any man's
money. How much am I offered?
Auctioneer (hurriedly)—Take it,— Omaha Her
“Landed!”—Tommy (bride’s little brother,
after the ceremony)—Did it hurt- the book?
Bridegroom (“Never did like that boy!’’)—
Hurt—the hook? What do you mean, dear?
Tommy—'Cause ma said Lizzie’d fished for
yer a long time, but she'd hooked yer at last.—
“Mr. Featherly,” said Bobby, “sister Clara
asked pa last night if you were a young gentle
man who keeps the Sabbath. “
•‘I hope, Bobby,” replied Featherly, anx
iously, “that he told her that I do.”
“Yes; he said that you keep everything you
get hold of.”— Harper's Bazar.
A KITCHEN OIRL —
An awkward whirl
A round of coa 1-oil can;
The girl still there—
Nix “Angel fair,”
This s'plostou didn't “pan.”
. —Cedar Rapids Gossip ,
Nebraska Farmer—’These railroads are get
ting entirely too numerous and impudent, but
I'll fix ’em.
Railroad Superintendent—Well; what do you
propose to do about it ?
Nebraska Farmer—Why, you sec. they run so
hlanted slow that I've brought suit for damages
gainst’em for shadin' the crops.— Omaha World.
Gov. Foraker has just purchased a fine old
homestead near Madisonville, O.
Padre Aoostino, who is described as the
Henry Ward Beecher of Italy, prays to a
Dorothy Dene, the new English professional
beauty, is making a larger income than any of
the other society Venuses by the sale of her
Mr. J. I. Case, who lives at Racine, Wis.. and
is the owner of the famous trotter, Jay-Eye-See,
has purchased a beautiful place in Southern
California, and will hereafter spend his winters
W. H. H. (Adirondack) Murray is in New
York. He and J. Armory Knox, of Texas
Siftings, are fitting out a yacht for a cruise of
20,000 miles through the inland waters of the
John Jacob Astor, Cornelius Vanderbilt and
D. Willis James have each contributed SIOO,OOO
to the fund for the proposed Protestant Episco
pal Cathedral in New York. A popular sub
scription will soon he started.
Senator Stanford is considering a plau to
purchase a large tract of rich land near Davis-
Vilio. in the heart of the Sacramento valley, and
divide it up into small farms for the accommo
dation of settlers, allowing them to pay for tho
land in installments.
The hauohtkr of the late Jeremiah 8. Biaek,
Mary Clayton Black, will publish during this
summer a sketch of her father’s life, with a col
lection of the interesting and delightful reminis
fences which cluster around his brilliant and
varied career. She acted as her father's pri
vate secretary and was in jiossessioii of all his
.1. L. York, who dubs himself the “second
Ingersoll,” Is lecturing In Colorado on “Evolu
tion and Creation.’" ami threatens to descend
upon the East. Denver papers say his only
resemblance to tngersoll is In his appearance.
An ordinary sized man, with iron-gray hair,
smooth face and a |Mlr of buefchorn glosses
astride his Ingorsolliun nose complete his por
One of the most industrious, as he has long
lieen one of the must successful, of living novel
istA is Mr. Walter Besant, who recently gave to
a friend this interesting recipe; "A man who
works cannot belong to society in any other
sense than the limited circle of his home friends.
The time that is left when my engagements are
provided for belong to them and not to
When 11. Rider Haggard was a child he had a
very ancient and battered wooden doll, which
I Kin lieeii handed down by a former generation,
and was regarded, ugly as it was. with peculiar
affliction by the girls of the family. The doll,
which had lost its eyes m the course of time
was known to all the' children ns “She." This
is the origin of Mr. lluggard's odd title for his
The Prince of Naples' flmt efforts as a dramat
ic author have not lieen crowned with success.
He wrote a poem, the subject of which was
taken from the history of (Ireeee, and sent tt to
Verdi asking him to set it to music for the
Queen’s fete. The composer replied; “It took
me an hour and a half to read your royal high
ness' vers*; the person charged to sing it would
have work for the whole day: ns for the com
poser to set It to music he must lie a younger
man than your devoted servant, Verdi."
Da Mokki.i, Mackenzie, the English special
id, who has twice lieen summoned to examine
th. throat of the Crown Prince of Germany, is
about 60 years of age. He pursued hts studies
In lam lon.Paris ami Vieiinn.nnd in lstvt founded
a hospital for throat disease*. In the sisiie
year a work of his on tills subject obtained a
prize. Subsequently lie was appointed profes
sor at the liondon Hospital, lbs lunik on “Dis
eases of the Txvrynx and Nose" has been trans
lated in French and Gentian, and his latest, book
ou tun voice is of great practical use to singers.
WILD BILL, OP KANSAS.
Killing Two Soldiers in a Twinkling,
But Hesitating at a Monkey.
Cop/. JnrJi t'rairford in Kansas City Tiling.
"Wild Bill was a good shot, was he not?”
"With the six-shooter he was simply wonder
ful. In my entertainment I give an illustration
of a doitble shot he made out at Hays City,
Kan., in the early days, when he shot two sol
diers. one in front of him and one directly be
hind him, each endeavoring to shoot him before
he eon Id draw his gun. He killed one and mor
tally wouuded the other, and the two reports of
his revolver seemed almost as one. Tne mar
velous feat was the talk of the country for a
long time. In fact, when T came by there a few
days ago one of the old residents who witnessed
the killing mentioned it to me, and said he could
scarcely believe it even after seeing
it. Bill never missed his mark.
I have seen him take a pistol in
each hand and fiwe with right and left pistol at a
can thrown in the air. hitting it with noth bul
lets. By the way, I heard a very funny story
told on Bill some time ago. If you remember,
he married Mrs. Agnes Lake, widow of lake, the
circus man. Bill fairly worshipped his wife, but
despite his great love for her she never could in
duce him to quit drinking. He would come
home full of bad whisky, and one day Mrs,
Hickok said to him:
“ 'Bill, if you don't quit this drinking
pretty soon you will actually begin to see mon
"'Monkeys?’ said he. ‘What do you "mean,
“ 'Why, you know, when people hack East
drink too much of the kind of whisky they get
back there they see snakes, hut this awful stuff
out here makes them see monkeys.'
"Bill laughed at her and did not give the mat
ter a second thought, little dreaming that she
had put up a job' to break him of his intem
perate habits. There was a tame monkey in the
town—Cheyenne, I believe it was—and Mrs.
Hickock had induced its owner to loan it to her
for a night. Bill came home that night com
fortably drunk, and after he had gone to sleep
his wife secured the monkey arid chained it to
the foot of the bed. Then turning down the
light a little, she too retired and a waited results.
Bill woke up in the night burning with thirst
and raised up into a sitting-posture, intending
to get out of lied and get u drink of water.
There, perched upon tne footboard, was the
monkey, staring him In the face with hideous
grimaces. He rubbed his bleared eyes, looked
again.* and a horrible suspicion came into his
befuddled brain. Had his wife told him the
truth? Did he reaUy have 'em? Finally he
sprang out on the tjoor, seized his six-shooter,
which lay on a table near, levelled it at the
grinning creature and said:
‘"Now. old man, if you are a monkey you're
in a bad fix; if you ain't a monkey I'm in a bad
fix.' At the same instant he fired, and the
monkey fell over in the agonies of death His
wife, who had been watching the working of
her scheme, sprang up in the bed with a scream,
and Bill, turning to her with a broad smile of
the most intense satisfaction, said:
" 'Little woman, congratulate me. for I have
just had a wonderful escape. I ain't as drunk
as I thought I was. an' there's a monkey layin’
there on the floor that’ll never intrude itself
into the domestic felicity of another happy
family an' make a gentleman think he’s got the
Incidents of the President’s Trip.
From the Brooklyn Standard-Union.
Dr. J. G. Rosman and his wife, who went with
President and Mrs. Cleveland to the Adirondack
region, returned last evening.
"We had a delightful time,” said the doctor
this morning. "The President and his wife oc
cupied the Gotham Cottage, and the rest of the
party remained at the .Saranac Inn. Among
others who were there was Mr. Edward V. Cruik
shank, of Schemerhom street. He is a scientific
fisherman, and was invited to join the Presi
dent's fishing party.
“A rather funny trick was played on the Presi
dent by one of the reporters, who resembled
him very much. As the train ran into a station
on the way out the crowd yelled for the Presi
dent, and the modest reporter stepped forth and
lifted hi- hat. One individual insisted on the
supposed head of the nation accepting a case of
wine that had remained buried beneath the cob
webs in his cellar for it quarter of a century,
while another presented a box of choice cigars.
The gifts were of course accepted, and the coun
try people went away satisfied that they had
been highly honored.
"The President is not what you would call a
spoon. Mrs. Cleveland used to accompany him
occasionally, hut he has been married long
enough now to realize that there is no sport fish
ing with a petticoat around, so he used to just
steal away early in the morning and not snow
up again until night. In the meanwhile Mrs.
Cleveland would sometimes drive out with Mrs,
Lament and Mrs. Rosman. or the two would go
rambling in the woods. Avery arilusing inci
dent occurred Monday, when the ladies were
hunting some wild flowers, not a great distance
from the hotel. They met a milkmaid, and Mrs.
Cleveland said: 'I believe I could do her work.'
'Do try.’ exclaimed one of her friends. She drew
her undressed kid from her right hand and sat
on the stool, but unfortunately, not having had
experience, she placed the stool on the left side
of the cow. It must have been a Mugwump cow.
and had no respect for caste. The pe.il was half
full when her cowship placed a hind foot into it,
and Mrs. Cleveland's dress was badly soiled."
The Georgia Watermelon.
From the Chicago Tritnme.
From the banks of old St. Mary's,
From the rolling Tybee river.
From the shores of the Ocoppe,
And the classic Withlacoochee,
The Ogeechee, the Ocmulgee,
BHer Creek and Ochloohouee,
From the Flint and the Savannah,
Beautiful Altamaba and
Sunny Brunswick's breezy bay.
Shortly comes the watermelon,
Comes the Georgia watermelon,
Baden with the sweets of Southland.
With the syndicate's perm ission
Soon will come this luscious melon,
Bride of every native Georgian,
It will come from Chattahoochee,
Milledgeville and Hatcher's Station,
Buzzard Roost and Tallapoosa,
Tuckahoe and Sugar Valley.
Double Branches, Coosawattee,
Nankin. Nickajack, Jamaica,
Jintps, Geneva. Marietta.
Hickory Flat and Okapilco,
Gully Branch, Mazeppa. Ophir,
Hard Cash, Plains of Dura, Jasper,
Ixmg Bond, Two Run, Hannahatchee,
Huckleberry. Perkins' Junction,
Riddleville, Persimmon, Trickum,
Hardaway, McDade. Suwnnee,
And from every little clearing
Ftom Atlanta to the seashore,
Where then* lives a Georgia cracker
In the pride of his half acre.
l et it come, this watermelon,
Tnis imperial Georgia melon.
Stay it not as North it corneth.
Though the crop will be t .vo millions,
Yet tnere's room for millions more.
His Flattery Proved a Failure.
From tlte .S 'an Francisco Examiner.
“What are you writing there?'' asked Police
Judge Hornbfower of Clarence de Lanigan. who
was in the prisoners' dock at Police Court No. 1
yesterday, awaiting liis sentence for vagrancy,
of which he had been convicted the day before.
“I am an artist, phrenologist and physiog
nomist, your honor,'’ replied Clarence de Lan
igan. "and 1 am seeking a sketch of your honor's
iieuil to take with me to prison. I must state
now—not in any spirit of flattery, though t hat
I have never before seen a head of-such a noble
mold or a face the lineaments of which so
clearly express greatness. That splendid fore
head, of that of Cesar, the
large compared with which even the
groat AlexHTler's won small, every fixture In
trays the nobility of the soul within."
“Have you completed the sketch ?" asked his
“Yes, your honor."
“Can you-ah—that is—will you let me see it?”
TJS greux>Wioet was banded to the court. He
log®d at it fixedly for a few seconds; then his
became very stern, and crumpling the
in his hand nix honor said, severely:
W-Your sentence, sir, is six months in the
house of correction.” .
Poor Vassar Catches it Again.
From the Boston Record.
One day oue of the officers if the cooking
school came to one of the teachers with rather
a splendid air. saying:
"You are to have anew pupil to day, a young
friend of mine who graduated last year from
Vassar. She is a very accomplished young Indy
and I think you will find her a valuable addition
to the class. She is a girl of quick comprehen
sion ami very bright." i
The teacher bowed and prepared herself for
meeting a pupil who would never get her meas
ures wrong nor fail to see the niceties of all cul
inary philosophy. The first lesson of the Yns
sar girl, who was n pretty ami well-bred young
woman, was a demonstration lesson in neat
cooking. She listened to tin* opeuiqg remarks
with interest. She “begged pardon" to nsk.
“What is a skewer?" and watched the teaener
with housewifely interest. But presently,
“Now separate the fat from the lean,’’ said tl'ie
cooking teacher, and the other pupils began the
task. Poor Miss Vassar looked at the meal lie
fore her in despair. She had never observed it
in its uncooked state before. There was no
help for it.
"1 am so sorry." she said sweetly, “but won't
you please tell me which in the fat and which is
ITEMS OF INTEREST.
At Silver I/ike, six miles from Traverse City,
Mich., natural gas bubbles up through the
water. Every bubble when lighted will explode
au I make a light as large as a man's head.
Six salook mx.v have applied for licenses at
Bushnell. 111., where the pric- for permission to
sell liquor has hern placed at $2,000 a year. This
is nearly 512 apiece for every man, woman and
child in the town.
Is the absence of a stretcher, a coffin v as
found ihe most available substitute at the scene
of an accident, in a remote section of New York
State, last week, and in it one of the injured was
laid and carried to the nearest physician for
A CrtHt, carrying a 14-month boy, ran into a
Pittsburg police station the other day. The
child's face was purple, and it was apparently
choking to death. At every expiration of breath
a sound like that of a distant cornet was emitted
from his mouth. The police sergeant gave the
youngster two or three sound whacks on the
(back, and out came a toy bugle which had lodged
'in the infant's throat,
• A Minneapolis lady, making her way through
a crowd on the street the other day, accidental
ly pushed a small bootblack into the gutter.
She instantly stopped and said: “My boy, ex
cuse me: I did not mean to push you.” The
little fellow stared at her a moment, and then,
turning to his companion, said: “Say, Mickey,
I'd be pushed olfn the walk every day to have a
real lady talk to me that way.”
Last fall while Joshua Hodgins, of Mari
nette, Wis., was repairing a pump in the H.
Witbeek Company's barn a pig fell through the
floor, and was forgotten when the floor was re
laid A few days since someone in the barn
was attract ml by grunting, and upon taking up
the floor the pig was discovered. He had lived
about eight months, and through the coldest
winter weather, on what grain had fallen
through the floor.
Ths redwood forests of Mendocino and other
parts of the coast of California and Oregon, are
the largest and most wonderful forests of the
world. Every valley is filled with gigantic red
woods. and although the forests are largely
owned by corporations, they ore to a consider
able extent the heritage of the laboring classes
many of whom have titles to from eighty to 1520
acres. The average yield per acre is 100,000
feet, or 64,000,000 to the square mile.
Two ladies and two gentlemen, of Aurora,
Mo., met in a parlor the other evening and
determined out of sport to hold a mock Spirit
ualisric seance, YVhile they were quietly sitting
around a table telling ghost stories the table
was seized by some unseen power and carried
quickly up to the ceiling, from which it was
hurled to the fioor with great violence. In its
fall the table struck one of the young men on
the head, rendering him unconscious. Physicians
were called in and the unfortunate man con
veyed to his home, but he is still unconscious
and is not expected to recover.
A men and eccentric Frenchman, who was
recently shot and nearly killed by the English
girl whom he calls his wife, had cannons, re
volvers and rifles in his house instead of bells.
A six-pounder brass cannon fired once sum
moned the butler: fired twice it called the cook:
three times, the coachman. Five discharges of
the revolver in rapid succession brought the
chambermaid: seven shots meant that the
chambermaid should apnear with hot water. No
candles were allowed to'be blown out. but were
to be extinguished by pistol shots. All the
servants were provided with revolvers, and from
morning t ill night there were constant cannon
ailing and revolver shots.
Anew musical prodigy, the child Hoffmann,
continues, says a Paris cable, to excite the
greatest enthusiasm whenever he appears.
Without considering, him as a modern Mozart,
says the correspondent, he has certainly won
derful execution, facility, memory, and a re
markable talent for Improvisation. He listens
attentively to a melody which he hears for the
first time and immediately, without a moment's
hesitation or study, he carries that original
theme through a dozen or more variations,
never losing it, and never giving it more em
bellishment than its rhythm and musical idea
can support. Hoffmann conics from Vienna,
and is said to he only 9 years of age.
A New Yorx man is haviug a piano made for
him in England. It has been designed by Mr.
Alma Tadmema, R. A. Its shape is that of an
ordinary grand piano, but tbe groundwork is
ebony; the legs, carved lions and tigers are of
oak: and the decorative details of cedar, box
wood, and ivory make the instrument very un
like the usual drawing room piano. It is made
with delicately carved and inlaid borders of
classical scrollwork, and the great beauty of the
tawny ebony in combination with red cedar and
yellow boxwood is effective. Over the keyboard
Is a long, low picture by Mr. Poynter, R. A.—a
classical piece iti which wandering minstrels
pipe to maidens dancing in a garden.
The editor of a paper at Storm Lake, la., is
now hiding in a swamp near that place in con
sequence of the way in which he mixed up the
reports of a cattle show and a concert. His pa
per said: “The concert given last night by six
teen of Storm Lake’s most beautiful and inter
esting young ladies was highly appreciated.
They were elegantly dressed and sung in a most
charming maimer, winning the plaudits of the
entire audience, who pronounce them the finest
breed of shorthorns in the country. A few' of
them arc of a rich brown color, but the majority
are spotted brown and white. Several of the
heifers were fine-bodied, tight-limbed animals
and promise to prove good property.”
A Leadville miner named Roberts, who with
his partner, Daniel Yon. was engaged in sinking
a shaft in Sugar-Loaf Mountain, dreamed one
night that the ground caved in and buried Von,
and that he himself had a narrow escape from
death. He related the dream to his partner,
who scoffed at it. On the followring night the
dream was repeated with great vividness, the
parents of Roberts coming to his liedside and
imploring him not enter the shaft. Von was
again incredulous when the second dream was
related to him. and went to work as usual, but
during tbe afternoon Roberts came up to him
and persuaded him to leave the shaft. A mo
ment later the ground caved in with a great
A story from Springfield, 0.. duly avouched,
says that while returning from a party a few
nights ago some of the young folks were laugh
ing and having a good time, when one of the
company, a young lady, laughed so heartily at
some joke that she dislocated her jaw. A voting
man rushed for the nearest doctor's office and
took the physician with him to set the jaw. This
was done in an instant, and the doctor left. Ho
had hardly gotten out of sight when the young
lady commenced to laugh again, and dislocated
the jaw a second time. The young man who
had gone to summon the doctor then essayed to
to set it, and as a result he dislocated the other
side. He grew more frightened than ever, and
rushed off a second time for the doctor. The
latter came in an hour, and the dislocation was
corrected without further mishap.
Bayi.ess W. Hanna is to be handed down to
posterity in a great historical painting. A
Louisville Courier-Journal uri’er tells that
shortly after his arrival as Minister to Buenos
Ayres the President was to be installed. The
troops were drawn up in long columns and the
distinguished citizens and diplomats were at t he
Congress Hall or place to welcome ihe incom
ing chief magistrate. Just as the President was
entering the palace to deliver his inaugural
address an ex officer of the army belonging to
an opposing political party, and as the chief of
a corn-piracy, rushed upon the unsuspecting
ruler-elect ami gave him a terrible blow and cut
on the head. Mr. Hanna was one of the first to
reach tin* side of the President and rescue him
from further violence and death at the hands of
t he desperate assassin. The President was bathed
and in an hour or two read his address to the
assemblage with his head heavily bandaged. Ho
has since had a splendid oil painting executed
depicting the tragic scene, and Mr. Hanna is in
the foreground of the group gathered about
An English opera company sang “The Mikado”
the other evening in the public hall, Yokohama,
nnder the name of “Three Little Maids from
School,” says a wi iterin Yokohama. The mana
ger went to one of the Yokohama lawyers and
asked about the propriety of reproducing the
whole liiece In its original shape. The lawyer
advised him to suppress the won! Mikado and
also to introduce a few slight changes in the
wording. So the manager went on and ndver
ised tin* performnnee In the local pa|iers when
he received a letter from the consular author"
ties threatening him with certain penalties if he
produced the piece. It seems that some of the
government people thought the piece was too
satirical mnl requested the consular, or more
likely diplomatic, authorities to interfere in
consequence of this some songs were left out in
t.icir entirety and lots of changes were made
mv' ve'ace !' lf >'OU want to know who we
•\v V. gentlemen of Japan," was rendered
of Sl, " n " On account of
these changes arid omissions the performance
whore* th.e tt " when P'wlueed else-
V 111 IV But the piece was presented In Yoke
wWeraUvVill The’ “ Ud ,h,,r<,fnr< ' "‘e house
J T, h " com P*"y was induced to
perform a second time, rnd was said to have
money in the two nights than in six
previous performances of other pieces.
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