Newspaper Page Text
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Morning News Building, Savannah, Ga.
MOSDAT, NOVEMBER 11. 18*9.
Registered at the Patofflce in Savannah.
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formation regarding the paper can he obtained:
NEW YOKE CITY
3. H. Bates, 38 Part Row.
G. P. Rowell & Cos., 10 Spruce street.
W. W. Sharp 4 C0.,21 Park Row.
Frame Kieunan 4 Cos., 152 Broadway.
Dadcht 4 Cos., 27 Park Place.
J W. Thompson. 89 Park Row.
American Newspaper Publishers'AaeocLAnoH,
Potter Building.
PHILADEI PHIA-
H W. Ater 4 Boh, Time# Building.
BOSTON—
B R. Niles, 256 Washington street.
Pstteroill 4 Cos., 10 State street.
CHICAGO—
Lord 4 Thomas. 46 Randolph street.
CINCINNATI—
Edwin Alder Compart, H West Fourth street.
NEW HAVEN-
Tbk H. P. Hubbard Compart, 25 Elm street.
6T. Loins—
Net aor Chesman 4 Cos., 1127 Pine street.
ATLANTA
■orjnso News Buriac. VA Whitehall streel,
MACON—
Daily Telegraph Office, W* Mulberry street
INDEX TO NEW ADVERTISEMENTS.
Meetings— DeKalb Lodge No. 9, L O. O. F.;
Magnolia Encampment No. 1, I. O. O. F.;
CaUnthe Lodge No. 28, K. of P.; Clinton Lodge
No. 54, F. and A. M.
Special Notices —Special Provision for the
Generil Assembly This Week. John J. Reily,
Importer and Specialist; Fresh Supply of But
tercups. Etc., at G. M. Heidt Company; Special
Schedule Savannah and Tybee Railway; Rent
ing of Pews in Savannah Baptist Church; Grand
Ball of the Uniformed Division No. 1, A. O. of
H.. Wednesday. Nov. 13.
Official — N dice by the Governor as to the
Sale of Okefenokee Swamp.
Auction Sales -Surveyor's Compass, Etc,
by C. H Dorsett.
Cheap Column Advertisements Help
Wanted; Employment Wanted; For Rent; For
Sale: Lost: Personal; Miscellaneous.
Senator Barbour is a very sensible mao.
He says that the duty of Virginians is now
to let politic! alone for awhile, aid to de
vote themselves to business. Virginians
will probably take his advice. The senator
has gone to Washington for a long rest,
which he very much needs and fully de
serves.
The Woman’s Suffrage League of New
York has interested itself in the coming ap
pointment of several school commissione -s
for that city, and is demanding that Mrs.
Agnew and Miss D dge ba reappointed. It
nems to take the position taat the reap
pointment of these women would be a step
in the direction of female suffrage.
The New Orleans Picayune has been
figuring on the result if an education test
should be imposed upon voters in Alabama,
Georgia, Florida, Louisiana, Mississippi,
and South Carolina. It says that the com
bined white voters of these states number
657.500, and the combined col -red voters
616.500, but that if an educational qualifica
tion were required, the white voters wcul 1
number 557,000, and the colored voters ouly
136,000.
Miss K .te Field comes to the front with
the assertion that women are hysterical
sentimentalists as politicians, and that they
are unfit for the management of public af
fairs. A number of school teachers in New
York say that women are not able to do
satisfactory work as school commissioners,
and that their appointment on senool
boards is the entering wedge of female suf
frage. Mrs. Belva A. Lockwood, Susan B.
Anthony, and other prominent femalo suf
fragists will be likely to reseat these state
ments.
John Ambnutor, of West Virginia, was
determined to kill himself. He first took
poison, but the doctors pumped it out of
him. Then he made three attempts to hang
him*elf, and failing to leave the world by
that route, he cut his throat with a razor,
but he didn’t cut deep enough, and, after
stabbing himself with a pair of scissors, he
went to the top of hishouse and threw him
self to the ground. That settled the busi
ness, a ".d people would be justified in say
ing that he might have been a great man if
he had been as determined to succeed in life
as he was to die.
Mr. Edward Atkinson has the rare
faculty of practicing what he preaches.
Some time ago he asserted in a lecture
that a man could live comfortably upon
what appeared to be a ridiculously small
amount, and to show that his idea w,.s
practicable he followed it to the letter for
more than a year. St me days ago he de
livered a lecture in Brooklyn upon healthy
cooking, and he illustrated his remarks bv
preparing food himself by an economic pro
cess of his own invention. Afterward he
passed the food around, and it was pro
nounced %xcellent. ,
Rumors that the German emperor will
visit America after awhile continue to be
circulated. A recent Berlin special says
that among the items in the naval estimates
being considered by the reichstag is one for
450,000 marks for anew yacht for the kaiser
and kaiserin. The yacht now in use by
them is announced to be too small, and, be
sides, the emperor wants a handsomer one
in which, as the special expresses it, “he
may cross the Atlantic, and see with his
own keen young eyas the United States, or
tho new Germany beyond the seas, as the
German* like to call it, of which he has
heard and read so much.”
Last Tuesday the New York Mail and
Express made an appeal to Mr. Cleveland’s
friends in that state to vote against the
democratic state ticket, or to remain away
from the polls, in order to have revenge
upon Gov. Hill for that little encyclopaedia
joke. It said that the “Cleveland demo
crats wero enraged and dangerous." Some
days before, the Tribune boasted that the
republican ticket would be greatly helped
because ' fovelaad democrats would not
vote a Hill ticket. These esteemed organ*
didn’t seem to understand what kind of
metal Cleveland democrats are made of.
With such democrats, the success of the
party and of good government is the first
jonsideratioa.
What Eae Hr. Wanamaker Done?
When Mr. Wa: a maker was appointed
Postmaster General his friends said that he
would improve taemai service very much.
They pointed to his success as a business
man, and said that ne would brio g into his
official work the energy and sagacity dis
played in the conduct of his private affairs.
There appeared to be some reason to hope
that he would really improve the service, 1
but he has bad a pretty good chance to
show what be c ould do in that direction,
and be hasn’t done much. Iu fact, it won Id
not be easy to show wherein he has im
proved the ser vice in any important parti
cular, and this is especially true of the ser
vice in the south, where improvement is
needed more than in any other section.
Some of the republican newspapers say
that Mr. Wanamaker is making a very fine
record for himself, and that still greater
things may be expected of him, but they do
not go to the trouble to point out in what
his fine reoord consists, and probably the
reason is that they could not make out their
case. Mr. Wana n aker has bad democratic
postmasters of all classes removed at a
very lively rate, and of course that com
mends him to the republican press, but in
doing so be has not improved the service.
His appointments do not seem to have
been made so much with a view of securing
efficient officials as for the purpose of
providing hungry republicans with office.
In the railway mail service Supt. Bell has
discharged postal clerks by wholesale, and
he has replaced them with a set of inex
perienced, an 1, in many instances, incom
petent men. Delays and blunders are
noticeably frequest, and in some sections
the ‘‘fast mail’' is Dot worthy of the name.
Mr. Wanamaker has time in which to
redeem himself, and it is to be hoped that
he will. If be doesn’t begin soon, however,
the public will be justified iu concluding
that a man may be a success as a merchant,
but a failure as Post-master General.
Too Economical.
Gen. Greely, the chief signal officer, has
just sent his annual report for this year to
the secretary of war. It is quite an inter -
esting report aud contains considerable in
formation of value. The interest in the
daily weather report is increasing, and the
number who read it before reading any
other part of their daily paper is very
large.
The weather bureau is one of the most
useful branches of the government. All
the money necessary to increase its useful
i ess ought therefore to be appropriated
freely. It ought to be conducted by the
ablest meu that can be obtained for the sor
vioe, and they ought to be amply provided
with all the means required for the success
ful prosecution of their work.
Gen. Greely says that he has neither the
money nor the assistants that are needed to
bring the signal serv ioo up to a high stand
ard. He has to be so careful iu his expend
itures that no improvements are being
made. He pt ints out how the service could
be render ed more valuable, and he makes
it clear why the predictions so often fail.
It seems the forecast officer has a great deal
more work than he can do well, and his
predictions are often mere guesses. He
hasn't time to consider the facts carefully
and reach logical conclusions.
There is no doubt that the country wants
the best weather servioe that can bo had,
and it is willing to pay for it. Farmers
and sailors especially depend upon it. It is
a great mistake to‘be too economical in
providing the means to maintain it.
A New York republican has advanced a
curious reason for the belief that che
world’s fair of 1892 will not be held in that
city. The other night a number of prom
inent republicans were in the Fifth Avenue
hotel, receiving the election returns. When
it was found that Tammany had been suc
cessful the republican referred to remarked
that the success of Tammany made the
holding of the fair in New York an impos
sibility. Said he: “Give New York the
world’s fair, and in 1892 Tammany would
have 100,000 maj >rity.” Ho added, “If the
republican congressmen want to make the
democrats a present of the thirty-six elec
toral votes of the Empire state, they will
vote to hold the fair here. We might as
well look at the matter squarely. For
political reasons the Republican party can
not afford to have the world’s fair held in
this oity.” Among the other republicans
present were ex-Senator Platt, Gen. Knapp,
Cornelius N. Bliss, Gen. Varnum, and Col
lector Erhardf, and it is stated that nearly
every one present concurred in these state
ments. The reporter, however, left the
public to conjecture why the holding of the
fair in New York would result a* stated.
The action of colored people of Wisconsin
in forming a civil rights league for the pur
pose of securing by organization certain
privileges which are denied them in that
state should attract the attention of the
republican organs, and it has attracted the
attention of the New York Mail and Ex
press. One of the privileges denied the
colored people of that slate is that of occu
pying choice seats in theaters, and another
is that of being entertained at hotels. The
Mail and Express says that if Wisconsin
“does not grant equal civil rights to all her
citizens, she ought to be ashamed of her
self.” How many colored people are
allowed to occupy choice seats in the New
York theaters or to stop at the New York
hotels? Can’t the Mail and Express find at
home material for editorials of this kind,
and let the west alone?
In one of his speeches in the recent Vir
ginia campaign, Senator Blair, of New
Hampshire, said that the south was solid
against the education of children. Dr. J.
L. M. Curry, the secretary of the Peabody
fund, and Mr. Cleveland’s mi nister to Spain,
took him to task for the assertion, and
showed that the south bad giveu more than
$(10,000,000 to education, and that in its
poverty it gives to that cause $1.1,000.000
annually. If Senator Blair will take the
trouble to inform himself, he will probably
find that, in proportion to their wealth, the
people of the south give more to education
than those of the north. Senator Blair
need not rush to the conclusion that because
many southern people are opposed to his
educational bill, they are also opposed to
education.
Congressman Fitch, of New York, be
came a dem ocrnt last year because he be.
lieved in tariff reform. He had been sent
to congress as a republican, but when he
became converted to demooracj’, he
ran as a democrat and was elected, show
ing that tariff reform was popular in his
district. Mr. Fitch continues steadfast in
his faith. In an interview the other day he
said that no such measure as the Senate
tariff bill of last year would be presented
by the republicans at the next session, for
the reason that no democrats would vote for
it, and a sprinkling of republicans in both
the H ouse and Senate would vote against it.
THE MORNING NEWS: MONDAY, NOVEMBER 11,’ 1889.
Progress in the New States.
The governor* of Wasnington and Mon
tana have recently made t .eir annual re
ports to the Secretary of the Interior. The
reports, covenn g as ttey do the year just
preceding the time w hen these territories
war e admitted as states, pesetas more than
ordinary interest. They show the wealth,
population, and resources of the new state?.
The prospect, or, it may be said, the cer
tainty, of being so on admitted into the
union seems to have had a stimulating
effect in niariy every direction, an 1 the in
crease of population and wealth was greater
than in any previous year. The population
of Washington is placed at 275,000, or
considerably more than that of Colorado,
Delaware, Nevada or Oregon, and slightly
more than that of Florida in 1880. The rata
of increase will be mo re noticeable when it
is remembered that in 1380 the population
was only 75,000. The report shows an ex
traordinary increase in the amount of taxa
ble property, the valuation in ISB7 being
$61,500,000, and in 1839 $124 ,700,000. Mer
cantile houses, banks and manufactories
have multiplied, and railroad construction
has bean active, and in spite of tho fact that
'. he business portions of four cities—Seattle,
Vancouver, ffllensbarg an and Spokane Falls
—were destroyed by fire this year, in
volving a loss of $16,000,000, credit remains
unimpaired. Tne great staple is wheat, but
corn, barley and bops are successfully culti
vated, and the lumber industry continues
to be the most important. Stock-raising is
profitable, but it is not as largely engaged
in as formerly.
The relative increase of population in
Montana since 1830 is greater than in Wasb
ington, the population in 1880 being 39.000,
and in 1889 185,000. Like Washington,
Mo itana has now more inhabitants than
Delaware, Nevada or Oregon had in 1880.
The total wealt h of Montana i- $150,000,000,
against $20,000,000 in 1880. The estimated
value of live stock is $50,000,000. The num
ber of m iles of railroad in operation is
1,834, with 262 miles in construction, and
875 miles surveyed. Montana’s mines,
w hich constitute her greatest producing in
ter est, are exempt from taxation. No doubt
a corresponding increase of wealth and
population has been made in North Dakota
and in South Dakota.
Something New in Clubs.
Ladies’ clubs are not unknown in this
country, but the one which has just been
organized in New York is different from
all others. It is not composed of “blue
stockings” and woman’s rights advocates.
In fact, women of ‘‘pronounced types” are
not wanted in it. It is a business and social
club combined, and ono of its main objects
is to provide a place where women may
rest while out shopping. On this
account the club house will be
situated in one of the principal
shopping districts of the city. Members
who live out of town may send their pack
ages there, to be kept until called for, or to
be expressed to their ho nes. Those out-of
town residents frequently find it necessary
to remain in the city over night, aud in
stead of going to a hotel, or making a con
venience of their friends, they can obtain
rooms for the night at the club house, aud
residents of the city, who spend most o
the summer soason away from home, and
who have occasion to replenish their ward
robes during the season, have only to
send their orders to the club to have them
executed. A restaurant will be one of the
features, and competent and trustworthy
nurses will be employed, with whom chil
dren may be left temporarily. There will
be drawing rooms and reading rooms, and
the privileges of the club will be extended
to outsiders who are introduced by mem
bers.
This seems to be a very sensible kind of
club, and it will commend itself to the
public chiefly on account of its business
features. Neither women nor men should
depend upon club life for any of the pleas
ures that ought to be enjoyed at home, but
if there are to be women’s clubs, one like
that just organized, which affords con
veniences that could hardly be had without
it, is likely to meet with approval.
Wills and the Courts.
No man can be certain that his estate wil
be distributed in accord anee with the pro
visions of hi s wilL The courts frequently
place an interpretation upon the laws re
lating to wills very different from that
placed upon it by lawyers. If a man,
therefore, wants his estate to be distributed
in a certain way he will make the distribu
tion before he dies if he is wise. Our
dispatches mentioned yesterday that Catha
rine Donovan had given *lOO,OOO to Johns
Hopkins university, Baltimore. She stated
that she had provided for her relatives and
wanted to give something to the cause of
education. She has the satisfaction of
knowing that her money will be applied to
the purpose for which she intended it.
A day or two ago the supreme court of
New York decided that Mr. Tildea’s will
was invalid. He had willed that the greater
portion of his vast fortune should be used
in founding a library in the city of New
York. There is no doubt that he was a
very able lawyer, but he could not draw a
will, it seems, that would stand in the
courts. He left too muoh to the discretion
of the executors aud trustees named in his
will, the court said. The chances are that
his relations will get his millions, and there
will bo no library to keep his memory fresh
in the minds of the people.
It is stated that the anti-Mahone repub
licans in Virginia will organize a Repub
lican party of their own in that state. Mr.
Yost, one of the meet influential of the
kickers, says that he has requested Chair
man Grouer to call a conference in Rich
mond without delay. Another kicker says
that one object of such an organization
would be to put John tS. Wise forward for
Vice President In this connection, the
following statement of Mahone in an inter
view a few days ago will be of interest: “I
do not believe that the Republican party
has lost its sense?, and until it does thore
will never be a southern man on the ticket.
John S. Wise broke from mo because I took
him down a peg on that very question. In
1888, sitting in this library, he asked me if
I wanted to be Vice President, and I told
him, ‘No, and if I did I couldn’t get it.’ He
then said he would put in for It himself. I
ridiculed him for his presumption, and he
never got over it. John Wise, you know,
is full of gush. He lacks the balanco wheel,
and a heavy one at that.” .
The Irish World professes to think that
the marvelous material development of the
south is due t > the policy of protection.
The Irish Wot Id is greatly mistikon. The
natural re ources of the south are being
developed in spite of an oppressive tariff.
Victories Sakdoit and Jules Massenet are
engaged on anew opera for ttie Grand Opera,
Paris. Sardou, who is recognized as the lead,
ing dramatist of Franc*, is writing the librettt,
while Massenet is setting the woros to music.
CURRENT COMMENT.
An Emphatic Answer.
From the Louisville Courier-Journal tDem.).
Will Harmon be made President a second
time* Tne answer is to be found in reading the
name Harrison backward.
The People Pay for It.
From the Philadelphia Record i/Vm. 1.
The sultan has given the German empress a.
jeweled collar valued at $225,000. Every
wretched Turk throughout the Ottoman empire
win have a heavier burden to bear because of
this whim of a pampered and selfish tyrant.
Defeat and Disgrace.
From the Providence Journal (Dem.).
The administration meets with disgrace as
weli as defeat m the Virginia election. It went
down into the mire needle sly to associate with
a political wrecker wno had been repudiated by
the best element in his own party, and it sup
ported him by measure- not only in violation of
law, but of decency and common-sense.
Seems to Bear Him Out.
From the New York limes ( Ind).
It was said in private, in (October. 1888, by a
prominent republican politician, who is also a
very clear-headed man, that if the canvass
could !>■ extended sixty days Mr. Cleveland
would carry at least three northwestern states.
This gentleman's opinion is so clearly con
firmed by the elect! us of Tuesday that he must
have a peculiar satisfaction in the fact that tne
president and party, who i av * since given him
a very lucrative federal office, did not have to
face the people for two months 1 mger.
BRIGHT BITS.
It’s not the coat that makes the man— it’s the
name of the tailor on the little tag at the back
of the neck. —Toledo Blade.
The cable announces that Turkey is solid.
For this relief thanks. A solid Turkey is cer
tainly matter for Thanksgiving. —Baltimore
American.
Mr. Cravxwrekti.k I tell you I can’t stand
this smell of cooking cabbage in the house.
Mrs. Crankwrestle—lt isn’t half so bad as I
have to put up with when you smoke it in the
house.- Toim Topics.
“Is marriage a failure?”
“Well,” answered the Chicago man, “every
thing in this world is a failure. But if at first
you don't succeed, try. try again. That's my
motto.” -Munsey's Weekly.
Eight colleges have been built in Kansas
during the last year. This sort of thing will go
on until the Sunflower state will have to import
all of its farm hands and kitchen girls from
Missouri.— Kansas City Star.
(ATTnE Barracks i—"How goes it, sergeant?”
“Pretty well, major, only I’m as hungrv as
a horse.”
“Orderly, have a bale of hay sent around to
Sergt. Brown’s quarters.”— Time.
St. Peter—And wbat did you do?
Corporal Tauner (with ghastly gayety)—l sup
pose you don’t admit politicians. My name is
Tanner?
"O, you’re no politician. Come right in.”—
Boston Times.
“Hans, you got punished to-day; what for?"
“Because, papa, Edward Lang had been fight
ing.”
' 'And with whom had Edward been fight
ing?”
"With me, papa. ”—Fliegende Blatter.
Dealer—We call these chairs “lovers*
chairs.”
Customer—Why so ?
Dealer—Because they are too wide for one
person to sit comfortably in, and not quite wide
enough for two people—except two lovers.—
Yankee Blade.
Frog (to elephant)—How far can you jump,
you big lummix?
Elephant— I can’t jump at all, froggy woggy.
Frog (hoisting his shoulders) —You're unlucky.
When I see an enemy approaching, with a few
jumps I’m out of danger.
E ephant—When I see an enemy approaching
I don’t have to jump Harper's Bazar.
Mrs. Startup— Me and Mr. Startup went to
theayter last night to see Richard the Three.
Mrs. Chad band—How did you enjoy it?
Mrs. Startup—To ceil the truth, i was deadly
bored.
Mrs. Chadband—l’erhaps you don’t care for
Shakspeare?
Mrs. Startup—O, I ain’t got no objection to
Shakspeare, but Ido wish he'd turn out some
thing nevf.—Ulii' ildd America.
The following is an extract from a real com
position written by a small schoolboy in New
Jersey. The subject given by the teacher was
the extensive one of‘'Man.” Here's what the
small boy wrote: “Man is a wonderful animal.
He has eyes, ears, mouth. His ears are mostly
for catching cold in and laving the earache.
The nose is to get sniffles with. A mans body
is split half way up, and he walks on the split
ends,”— Lippincolt's Magazine.
PERSONAL.
Henry Fielding Dickens, third son of the
novelist, is a highly successful lawyer in Eng
land.
John G- Whittier says he expects to live to
the age of 100 years, though he is not anxio us
to do so.
Spielhaoen, the pessimistic German novelist,
has made an American woman the heroine of
his latest story—”A New Pharo.”
Ex President and Mrs. Cleveland are said
to have matured their plans to sail next June
for Europe, where they will spend the best part
of a year.
Miss Helen Gladstone, vice-principal of
Newham college, Cambridge, looks more like
her famous father than does any other of his
famous children.
Queen Margherita, of Italy, is said to be
much interested in Volapuk. She takes a peri
odical printed in that language, and has learned
to read it with ease.
Max O’Rkll will sail for New York on Christ
mas day. He will deliver 100 lectures, and ex
pects to write another book on material gath
ered during the trip.
It is now denied that S. L. M. Barlow left a
small estate. His children are well provided
for, though they will not be so rich as was ex
pected at the time of his death.
Richard Henry Dana, third, is a confirmed
mugwump. He lives in a quiet way in Boston
and has a large law practice, mostly in dealing
with estates. He is 40 years old.
Edmund < larence Stedman is 57 and has a
double debt to pay, being litterateur by night
and broker by day. He is an affable-mannered,
busy man. with a pretty turn for anecdote. He
is the father of a grown-up family.
Mrs. Levi P. Morton has engaged the
services of Miss Nellie Hunt as private secre
tary. Miss Hunt is the daughter of Garfield's
Secretary of the Navy and Arthur's minister to
Russia, who died at the latter post. Miss Hunt
held the position of private secretary to Mrs.
Whitney.
Mrs. Gladstone takes a deep interest in
politics. She concludes a recent letter to a
friend as follows: "I must thank you iu both
our names, for it is only just that we should
give you a share in the glorious victory. It
seems to us significant, and, looking at the
facts, we see in it the voice of the people; but
we must persevere.”
Archibald C. Gunter, the author, is a man
of medium higbt. solidly built and imbued with
a spirit of amiability and good nature. He has
stood the most exacting test of a man’s char
acter that is known—success—and he has stood
it well. Most people think he is an American,
and so he is by adopt ion, but he was born in
England. His father left the old country when
the novelist was I year old and went to Cali
fornia.
Says a foreign correspondent: “Boulanger,
lain credibly informed, left Jersey last Sunday
in disguise and traveled to France, returning to
Jersey again on Tuesday. He saw many of his
supporters, but it has been decided to do noth
ing for the present. The general says he will
wait until discontent is seething in France, and
then he will land as the saviour of his country
—a noble sentiment which may not w ork out
exactly as he anticipates. Boulanger is again
receiving daily subscriptions, the majority
being from the working classes, who, however,
rarely send more than a 5-franc piece at a
time.”
I heard the other day, says the New York
Star, an interesting account of how Sarony
came to adopt the photographic profession. He
was originally a lithographer, aud years ago.
before the war, founded the first lithographic
.establishment in New York, under the firm
name of Sarony. Major 4 Knapp. He amassed
a comfortable fortune, and, retiring from the
firm, went to Paris to study art. The war
swept all his fortune away, leaving him vir
tually a poor man. He went to London, and,
not having money enough to go into the old
business, started photographing on a small
scale. Succeeding there but moderately, he
came to New York once more, and in a short
time became one of the institutions, as he has
been ever since.
O, maiden with grim teeth, avaunt!
Though fair you seem to look upon.
Because you don’t use SOZODONT
The sweetness of your mouth is gone;
Y’ou breath is heavy, and. from this,
Your lips no more invite a kiss.
At the Fair.
From the New York World.
The other night I wandered hence
To the exhibit Immense,
la my pocket 50 cents—
Just my fare— entrance fare:
When arrived upon the site.
Someone gave me an invite
To assuage my appetite—
Try the fare-bill of fare:
Then we met some pretty girls.
Laughing eyes and teeth like pearls,
Hair in bright and golden curls—
They were fair—very fair
So we strolled around the show
TUI I felt a stinging blow
From a chap I didn't know—
His affair—my affair 1
Quick as thought I hit him back;
Made both of his orbits black;
Then the girls said the attack
Wasn't fair—hardly fair!
They berated me aloud,
Till they gathered round a crowd,
Menacing and evil-browed—
Most unfair—quite unfair I
I was struck by many a fist.
While the girls my pleadings hissed;
Suddenly my friend I missed—
At the fair—New York fair!
Kicks and blows upon me rained.
Ti l a policeman service deizDed—
My two wrists with handcuffs chained—
At the fair—sad affair!
Then he marched me to a cell
Feeling very far from well,
With a prospect you’ll foretell—
Horrid fare—prison fare!
Later on the judge I saw,
And he said, while preaching law,
"All was fair in love and war”—
Always fair—very fair $
Then behind the bolts and bars,
I’d to nurse my wounds and scars,
Seeing myriads of stars—
Not so fair—aujflit but fair I
And I'm tempted now to say
I shall not forget the day
When I got in that affray—
At the fair—hang the fair!
John S. Grev.
The Drug Clerk Was Too Zealous.
From the New York World.
He had been arrested for assaulting the drug
clerk, and when the court asked him if he had
anything to say in his own defense he reolied:
“You see. your honor, the trouble was like
this: I went into the drug store and asked this
youngster if he had auything that would kill
mice. He handed down something from a shelf
that he said he could recommend, and I bought
it. He asked if there was anything else he
could show me, and I said I thought not. He
remarked that they had some excellent stuff for
ants and roaches, and remembering that I had
seen a roach or two about the house, I bought a
package of it.
“As I was preparing to leave the store, your
honor, when he said, with a sort of a sickly
smile, that they had anew brand of bedbug
poison that laid over auything of the kind he
had ever sold. He knew it would knock ’em
silly every time.
“There was something in the young teller’s
manner, your honor, that I didu’t like. I
thought he was crowding the mourners a trifle
in assuming that I was in need of all these ex
terminators, and it nettled me. I saw he was
young and giddy, and I also made due aliowa ce
for a pardonable zeal in pushing business.
While I didn't need the bedbug poison any more
than the man in the moon needs a porous plas
ter, I thought it was a good thing to have in
the house and bought some of it.
“I turned to go and the young feller said:
‘Say, pardner, we’ve got an A No. 1 extermina
tor for fleas and other vermin. Sprinkle a
spoonful of it in your socks in the morning; it
permeates all your underclothing aud makes
existence to the miserable cusses a matter of
utter impoasiblity. When they get a sniff of
this exit rminator they’ve just got to croak, and
that's all there is to it.’
“1 cut him off mighty short, your honor, and
told him I thanked the high and all beholdin ;
heaven that I had no use for the blamed stuff!
I was going out of his shop when he called to
me, leaned over the counter, scratched his hea l
in a significant manner and asked how I would
like to stand 5 cents for a fine-tooth comb, one
that
"He got no further, may it pDase the court.
I just made one spring, grabbed him by the
scruff of the neck, hauled him over the counter
and was a moppin’ up the floor with him around
the soda water counter when the officer came
in.”
The court scratched his chin for a moment,
discharged the defendant and sent the drug
clerk up for ten days for provoking a breach of
the peace,
“Doing” a Ticket Agent.
From the New York Sun.
One of the ticket agents of the Michigan
Central railroad, at a certain town in Canada,
was an airy, independent young man who began
work with the idea that he ran the whole line.
“The boys” had numerous complaints against
him, and more than once he would have caught
it on the ear had he not been fenced in where
he could not be got at. One evening five or six
of us happened to meet there as we came in on
cross roads, and we soon got on to the fact that
the general manager and two or three other
officials of the road were in the ticket office.
We laid our heads together and put up a job.
We all had 1,000-mile tickets, but each of the
six went to the window in turn and bought a
ticket for the nearest station east or west.
When all had been served the first went back to
the window and said;
“Young man, I thiuk you made a mistake.”
“1 guess not.”
“I got a ticket to C . That’s 30 cents. I
gave you a dollar and you gave me 92 cents
back.”
‘ Humph! That’s funny!” muttered the young
man as he took in the change and corrected the
alleged error.
Then the second went up and said:
“Young man, I don’t want to beat this rail
road. I bought a ticket to R -, which is 25
cents, gave you half a dollar, and you handed
me out B 0 cents.”
‘‘l did, eh?” queried the agent, as he flushed
up and took In the change.
Then the third, fourth, fifth, and sixth man
went up with a similar story. The big officials
were taking it all in, and they got very nervous.
The young man was whiter than cualk at tho
end of it, and he was not wrong in believing
that he was doomed. Next day he was re
placed. and I learned a few weeks later that he
had quit running a railroad and gone into a
woolen mill. It cost each of us a small sum out
of our own pockets to work the snap, but it was
pro bono publico, and worth double the
amount.
Doesn’t Improve With Age.
From the Washing ton Post.
It was a strange and straggling signature
spread upon the register at Willard’s. There
was a line above and below it, as if the other
names had shrunk back, startled at its thorny
hooks and trammels. It began on one line and
ran down stairs to the next. It looked drunk,
but was merely decrepit. Yet it was the most
celebrated autorraph in America. It has been
read by millions. It has brought happiness,
pleasure, prosperity to millions. The wages of
toilers and the traffic of a mighty commerce
moved at its inspiration. The three initials
looked like the production of a civil service re
formed chairman trying to write Hebrew, and
the rest of the signature looked like a mild fac
simile of Theodore Roosevelt's recipe for
reform.
F. E. Spinner, treasurer of the United States
from 1861 to 1875. It was his signature, not so
firm as of yore, but recognizable to the initiated.
Col. William R. Morrison strolled np shortly
after and glanced at the page.
“Humph, the general's writing doesn't im
prove with age,” said he.
On the next train from New York came Hon.
Conrad N Jordan, treasurer under the Cleve
land regime, whose name, next to Gen. Spin
ner’s, has decorated more federal currency
than any other. He, too, recognized the signa
ture of his venerable predecessor, and passed a
complimentary remark. But his autograph
under' Gen. Spinner’s looks like a line of beauty
beside a burdock.
He Caught It.
From the St. Louis Republic.
It is a common enough thing to see pedes
trians run after cars, but it was reserved for a
well-known society gentleman to hire a cab to
overtake a car. The Olive street owl was
hastening westward at 12:30 o’clock Tuesday
ntgbt and was rolling along down the hill from
Seventeenth 6treet at a lively rate. When
Twentieth street was reached those on the rear
platform noticed a cab dashing down the hill at
a furious rate. The owl car nags were spirited
and covered the next two blocks in fine style,
but the cab gained and was soon within hailing
distance.
“Stop the car!” yelled the cab driver.
“Perhaps there's a murderer or a highway
man on the car.” suggested someone.
The car was stopp. and at Twenty-third street,
the cab driver whirled alongside, a handsome
young man jumped out, boarded the ear, paid
the driver a nickel, and as the cab drove off he
remarked:
“Been chasing this car from Eighth street.”
“Blamed if it isn’t Bteve von Phul,” shouted
someone.
“Yes,” he went on to explain, “the driver had
a load, so I gave him a dollar to catch this car.”
ITEMS OF INTEREST.
A Louisville couple who were divorced a
month ago now ask to have the decree annulled.
that they may live together again as man ana
wife.
A Fresno (Cal.) woman threw a celluloid cuff
into the store. Her husband will have to pay
$l5O to repair damage to the kitchen and get a
new stove.
A Byros, Mich., woman wanted to put $l5O
where burglars wouldn't find It, so she put it
into the stove. Not even the ashes remain to
tell the sad story.
Hundreds of sparrows flying south were at
tracted by the Kalamazoo electric lights and
dashed themselves against lamps, wires and
buildings and were killed.
The prize offered by the New South Wales
government for the extermination of the rabbit
pest has been withdrawn. No new modes of
extermination had been suggested. The rab
bits are also a terrible nuisance in New Zealand,
but are there kept under by tne hawks.
A dancing master and musician of Rich
mond, Ind , has won some notoriety by ordering
his tombstone, although in perfect health. His
grave will be marked by a stooe cut in imita
tion of a violin. There are many ways for ob
scure men to notify other people of thair exist
ence.
The importation of American game into Aus
tria has proved a big success. On the Danubian
meadow forests of Count Brenner 100 wild tur
keys and thirty wapiki are marked for destruc
tion at the next big battue. On Prince Hun
iady's estates the American game has increased
80 per cent.
Senator VooßHEESsaid the other day: “Only
those who have participated in a fierce political
campaign have any idea of the wear and tear
of such a life. It is not so much the speaking
as the irregular hours of sleeping, and eating
villainous food, riding in all Kinds of railroad
t ains, the exposure to ah kinds of weather and
draughts.”
John W. McClelland of Linganore, Freder
ick county, Md., has succeeded in carving a
wagon out of a walnut block twenty-eight
incues long and Bxlo square. He cut the run
ning gear, tongue, chains, single-trees, double
tree, Btay-cnains, rubbers and wheels all com
plete, and the whole works as any other wagon
and cannot be taken apart. He says he values
it at SI,OOO. v
Lord Fitzgerald, the law lord whose death
has just occurred in Dublin, was really sacri
ficed to his well-known politeness. The imme
diate cause of death was fever, which devel
oped out of a serious cold contracted by bin in
a railway carriage while traveling from Dublin
to Kllliuey. Two ladies—strangers—were his
fellow travelers. They desired to have both
windows kept open, and Lord Fitzgerald’s po
liteness compelled him to acquiesce. In the
draught he caught a cold, which hastened his
end.
There lives, or there did. a few years mo
(remarks a writerj in a Pittsburg paper), an old
lady in this country who has a movable birth
day. She had the good fortune to be born on
Easter Sunday, and she insists on receiving
presents and congratulations on that festival,
no matter when it occurs. Lots of people have
tried to reason with the old lady, calendar in
hand, but she replies to them all: “I was born
on Easter Sunday morn, 56 years ago, and
until I die Easter Sunday will be my birth
day.”
The spavined, raw-boned white horse, used
by Richard Golden in the play of “Old Jed
Protity,” got bis master into much trouble in
Chicago. The beast is royally fed and cared
for, but his starved appearance still remains.
Every night he was led by a man to the theater,
and on two occasions the cadaverous animal
was the cause of his groom’s arrest. The police
arrested the man for cruelty to animals, and
the horse had to be smuggled by devious routes
to the theater. At last every street was guarded
by limbs of the law, and the horse had to be got
out of town in the trucks, disguised as a “prop
erty” horse.
A minister of the go spel, a son of a promi
nent minister of Lextngt on, Ky., is attempting
the extraordinary task of committing the entire
New Testament to memory. He has been
working on it for years, and, as he has a won
derfully retentive brain, the work is in a fair
way to an early completion. As he argues, the
plan is an exc- edingly good one, because he can
refer to his mind at any time much more easily
than to the pages of any book ever printed. If,
for instance, he wishes to quote any passage,
he can do so at will and at the very moment, an
accomplishment which should make him one of
the most fluent preachers in the country.
Thirteen years ago Benjamin Goble, a fire
man on the Erie railroad, living at Port Jervis,
N. Y., took a drink from the Mississippi river,
and last week he expelled from his stomach a
live Mississippi dogfish, which measured 18
inches in length and had a head as large as
an egg and fius 4 inches long. He believes he
swallowed an infant dogfish at the time men
tioned, and that it has been alive in his stomach
ever since. Certain it is that for many years
he ha3 had a distress in his stomach, which at
times was so acute as to render the services of
a physician necessary. He was under the care
of a physician when the fish was expelled.
A week ago Charles Beck, a farm hand, went
to Denver for his wages and remained over
night. Next day he related a dream to some
friends, and remarked that it wag a warning of
sudden death. No attention was paid to the re
mark, as Beck was the very picture of health.
He went back to the ranch and remained two
or three days, then returned to Denver and
went to the county hospital, where he was ad
mitted, though the doctors could discover no
ailment. He kept his bed from the time of
entering, and the other day fulfilled his prophecy
by dying. An examination was made, but no
trace of disease could be discovered, and it was
entered on the records that he died of fright.
A Vienna correspondent recently wrote:
‘The only son of the late Duchess Galliera, M.
Ferrari Galliera, is at present in this city with
an inseparable companion, one M. Boulanger.
Two days ago M. Galliera took the oath as a
Servian subject. The reason of this is interest
ing. For several years M. Galliera has lived in
the firm conviction that Boulanger, who is
really the son of his coachman, is nis brother.
I am told that the illusion is the work of hyp
notism. He has made attempts in several coun
tries to give M. Boulanger the place of a brother
and failed. In Servia this extraordinary wish
has been fulfilled, and M. Boulanger is now the
heir presumptive to the Galliera property,
amounting to more than 15,000,000 francs/’
Says a dispatch from Helena, Ark.: A recent
experiment made by a gentleman of this city
has demonstrated that the growers of cotton
have hitherto wasted a very valuable and Im
portant part of the cotton plant. Maj. John J.
Horner, thinking that there could be some use
made of the cotton stalk, gathered about ten
pounds of the material and sent it to a factory
in-New York to be operated on in the same
manner as flax and hemp. A few- days ago he
received from there the results of his ex
periment, which, if the material can be ex
tracted cheaply, will result in incalculable good
to the cotton growing states. There were re
turned to him about twenty different grades of
fibrosa material, from coarse strands of the
stalk to the glossy fibre as soft as silk. Persons
are now engaged in perfecting a machine that
will spin the material. There is no doubt but
that the fibre of the stalk is sufficiently strong
to make the best of bagging, as well as cloth as
fine as linen. This material was extracted from
the stalk by an eleotric process in about six
hours.
A useful application of the telephone to
military, railway and other purposes has been
effected by a firm of telegraph engineers in
Berlin. This apparatus is contained in a case
12 inches by 6 inches wide and 8 inches deep,
which, for general purposes, is slung by a stsap
in front of the user. The case contains a dry
cell battery, a magnetic bell, and an induction
coil. In some instances where it is desirable
that the sound of the bell should not be heard,
the Neef hammer is substituted for it, and is
used as a means of calling attention uetween
tne communicating parties. Tne case also
contains a combined receiving and transmitting
apparatus, which is fitted with a microphone
as a transmitter, the apparatus being
conveniently made for application to the
ear aud mouth. For field purposes an out
post equipped with the apparatus proceeds to
the front, his telescope being in communication
by a wire with that of the field watch, the latter
being again in communication with headquar
ters to the rear. A number of outposts, cither
infantry or cavalry, may be on duty at the
same time and in communication with the field
watch, who will transmit to headquarters the
reports received from the outposts. At recent
trials the apparatus was found to be most effi
cient. It is also applicable to railway, mining,
and similar purposes. It is suggested that a
portable telephoue might be carried with every
train, bo that in the event of accident the guard
should be able to communicate with the near
est station by making a connection with the
conductor of his instrument and a wire carried
along the line.
For a Disordered Liver try Beech
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FoflT^isofv^S
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This Grand Preparation is indorsed by the
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been used by the best people In America for
years, and its reputation is due wholly top,
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take only Duffy’s, no matter how hard any
druggist may try to sell you his own.
THE DI'FFY MALT WHISKEY CO.,
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MEDICAL
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Even if they only cured
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ACHE
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Money Returned by follow
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