Newspaper Page Text
4
Cle^lcnungllcius
Nw* Building, Savannan, ua.
HtIDAY. JAJFAHV U. 1891.
Registered at the P etnffle* in Saraan rh.
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INDEX TO NEW ADVERTISEMENTS,
r Meetings— Pocahontas Tribe No. 26, L O. R
M.; Chatham Brewing Company.
Special Notices- C lathnm Real Estate and
Improvement Company; Pair Black Horses for
Sale, Younglove A Goodman.
Auction Salts—Meats, by L D. Laßoche A
Son; The Remainder of Noah’s Ark Company's
Stock, by Rossignol.
Buckwheat— Hecker's.
Cheap Column Advertisements—Help
Wanted; Employment Wanted; For Rent; For
Bale; Lost; Personal: Miscellaneous.
Irish peasants threaten not to follow any
of the prominent patriots unless they
“get together” and let in the contributions.
Fervid oratory thoy seem to regard as
mighty light diet. Wordsaro not nearly so
digestible as potatoes.
Late pictures of Chief Red Cloud give to
bis strong countenance a positively haggard
and hungry look. How can the ‘ 'untutored
savage” be amiable on an empty stomach i
Leas bullets and more beef would immedi
ately pat a st p to all the trouble.
Advocating free coinage of silver Senator
Daniel intimated that he was not afraid of
a few dollars, and prescribed for the coun
try a supply without limit Piesumably
that means that the eloquent Virginian
would like to have our national dollars
always ’round.
In the course of a few cursory remarks
on that always diverting subject the New
York Herald says that Charles A. Dana in
the United States Senate would be like a
rich jewel In an Ethiop’s ear. But it
omitted to state that he is now like a rotund
oyster in the church-fair soup.
Lab *rer Powderly still insists upon form-,
Inga third party. To that end be has called
mother convention of labor organizations
nd farmers’ alliance* to meet in Washing
on next spring and get ready to sweep up
ihe whole country in 1833. Congress and
;he President will sa.isfy him this time.
Even Senator Hoar has fl tally abandoned
tbe force bill. Disgusted with the way in
which his lieutenants were outgeneraled by
the democrats he now s3vs that he will do
nothing more to carry through the measure.
By this time Mr. Hoar may begin to faintly
suspect that the country doesn’t want the
bill.
Canada is growing excited about that
Bering sea imbroglio. Still there Is no ap
parent reason for bellicose behavior. Hasn’t
our 6tate department officially dropped the
b out of the name of the sea! What further
concession to British prejudices can the
Canucks ask! Some people are never fully
satisfied.
Clan Cameron appears to be again on top
In Pennsylvania. The re-election of Senator
Don is now regarded as a foregone conclu
sion. Amazing stories concerning the
■wonderful and “undue infl lenee” of Sena
tor Butler of South Carolina over tbe Penn
sylvania sta esman did not wholly blight
his prospects after all.
Since foreign contributors have rigidly
shut off tbe funds until tbe Irish leaders
shall “get together,” that greatly simplifies
the situation. Come to think it over they
find that they will not have so much diffi
culty in agreeing as they had th ught for.
With Dillon or O’Brien iu the lead Parnell
will dominate the party. And it will not
be long before he is again tbe acknowledged
leader.
Kicking at a passsuger is no new thing
for the sleeping car porter; but striking
him in tbe face is an innovation.
They generally strike hint in the
region of the pocket. Possibly
that is tbe reason why a C licago man has
brought suit against the IVagnsr Car Com
pany for SIO,OJO damages for wear and tear
of features. Whether he gets auy monoy
or not be will undoubtedly get a great deal
of public sympathy.
Oov. Hill suddenly discoveed that be could
not possibly attend the Young Demo
crats’ banquet in Philadelphia. Can it be
that the bald-headed and alert governor
cannot feel comfortable iu the same room
with Mr. Or is *he afraid he
can’t see over tne ex-President’s broad
shoulders. At all events, the aspiring
governor seems to feel crowded out where
ever he finds the democratic candidate for
President.
Threatening tbe Stiver Senators.
It is evident that tbe force bill senators
! are going to make another effort to pass
i that bill if ‘hey ca 1 ge: an oppor
i tunity to do so. They are mw threatening
those republican senators who voted with
the democrats to displace the force bill and
take up tbe financial bill with the defeat of
the latter bill in the Honse if they do not
agree to its speedy passage in tbe Senate
aud pnmi.-e to a oust in taking up and pas
- ing the foroe bill as toon as the financial
; bill is out of the w ty.
The a.-gu nent used is that S; eaker Reed
controls legislation in the House. It uin
his power, to a great extent, to say what
bills shall be considered during tbe remain
der of the session and what shall not. If
the republican senators who are anxious for
free silver ones;* io not assist the force bill
senators ia pustu g the financial bill to a
vote, and refuse to help get tbe force bill
before tbe Baaatc again, Speaker Heed will
kill the fiaaacial lall with Us free silver
coinage aanux it it. over reaches the H >use.
The republ t in senators who helped to dis
plac < the lore> bill do not seem to be
a armed by this tbrant. It is probable that
some of them do not oars much whether
ti.e coinage of silver is made free or not,
notwithstanding their efforts in is behalf.
If they can get the Senate to vote in favor
of free silver co.aage itey will be in a posi
tion to say that they did all they could to
make the c tyage cf silver free. Their
constituents win not bo able to blame them
for the failfrre nf the movement in favor of
free silver coinage.
But this talk about getting the force bill
before the Sena e again is all nonsense.
When Senator Hoar said that the vote dis
placing that 1 ill meant the death of tbe Re
publican party, he understood very well
that it was not at all probable that tbe bill
would ever come before the Senate again.
He was well aware that there were enough
republicans oppos-d to the bill to prevent
its further consideration.
And tne country would not lose anything
if the Republican party should pass out of
existence. Its usefulness is ended, and Sen
ator Hoar admitted as much by his remark
that the vote displacing ttao force bill meant
its death. Two months ago the country
repudiated its tariff policy so emphatically
that it will never again have the c Mirage to
propose a revision of the tariff, and now
that the scheme to change the character of
the government by putting bayonets behind
ballots has been laid on the shelf, what ex
cuse has it for asking the support of the
people!
It is not to be wondered at that there
was a great deal of bitter talk at t ie caucus
of republican senators last Monday night,
and that some harsh things were said of the
eight republican senators who joined the
democrats in favor of considering the
financial bill, hut a faintly quarrel of that
sort only emphasiz e the rapidly growing
impression that whatever mission the Re
publican pa rty had has been fulfllieu.
Southern Men in the Army.
Some of tbe best of the younger army
officers are southern men. Since the war a
good ninny of the graduates from West
Point have been from tbe south, a id very
many of them are showing that they possess
the qualities of a true Boldler.
In the battle with the Indians at Wounded
Knee creek Cant. George D. Wallace, who
was killed, and Lieut. Garlington, who was
severely wounded, were from South Caro
lina. Capt. Wallace, who was buried
at his native place, Yorkville, 8.
C., on Wednesday, an account of
whose funeral was published in
our dispatches yesterday, graduated from
West Point in 1878, and was assigned to a
position in the Seventh cavalry regiment.
He had a great and varied experience.on
ihe plains. He was a member of Reno’s
command in tbe’attle a' Little Big Horn, in
which Gen. Cu ter lost his life. He was a
bravo and accomplished officer, and bad he
lived there is every reason for believing that
be would have reached a very high posi
tion.
Lieut Garlington will recover from his
wound, doubtless. He is spoken of in com
plimentary terms by his superior officers.
There are good reasons why southern
men succeed in the army. The military
spirit is more noticeable in the south than in
the north, and more interest is taken in mili
tary matters. Almost every southern town
of imp< nance has its military company,and
the people willingly contribute to its sup
port. If this country should become in
volved in a war with a foreign power the
soldiers of southern birth would play a very
couspiouous part in it.
Banker Clews Expresses an Opinion.
In his financial circular, issued Jan. 5,
Banker Henry Clews, of New York, says;
“With the rapid increase of population in
this country there are unmistakable signs,
also, that a large number 1 f this great mass
of people are idiots.” Mr. Clews says the
evidence of idiocy is the hoarding of money
during the last few months. Mr. Clews
then proceeds to prove to his own satisfac
tion that there is no good reason for hoard
ing money, and has been none recently.
But it doesn’t fqliow that people are
idiots because they hoard money. There is
a pretty well fouuded belief that some of
those who have hoarded the largest amounts
si..ce there began to be a stringent money
market are bankers and capitalists. They
are among tho shrewdest and clearest
headed men in the count y.
But that there are a great many people
in the country who do not appear to be in
their right mind, although they are per*
mitted to atteml to business affairs and are
reasonably succe sful in all their undertak
ings, there is ho doubt. The newspapers
furnish i stances daily in which men do
things which eaunOt lie satisfactorily ex
plained.
An illustration of what is meant was
contained in a statement which appeared in
our dispatches a day or two ago to the effect
that a Baltimore bank was in trouble be
cause the cashier, a man named Gardner,
bad permitted H. Webster Crowl, an ex
councilman of that city, to overdraw his
account SIOO,OOO. There is no evidence and
nobody believes that Cashier Gardner
profited by his unbusinesslike conduct, and
tbe president of the bank said he could
account for the cashier’s action ouly
on the ground that Crowl had
hypnotized him. If shrewd fellows can get
ail the money they want out of banks by
hypnotizing t e cashiers there is no need
for bank robbers to use violence. All that
it is necessary for tnem to do is to hypnotize
the cashiers and tell them to haud over the
cash iu their possession.
Another iustauce of a queer freak of
a man of apparently sound mind was
the making of a will that was a model
of sanctity. His name was Benjamin
Dealing, and he resided in Boston, lie left
nearly tbe w hole of bis estate to charities.
He was known to be an extremely profane
man—so profane, indeed, that he was
THE MORNING NEWS: FRIDAY, JANUARY 9,1891.
; known far and wide on account of hit pro
fanity. A c utest to break hi* will has been
begu 1 on the ground that so profane a man
eouid not have made a will to full of relig
ioai terror. And it ia probable that the
heirs will sir reed In breaking the will.
And there was Mr. Feyer weather, the
New York leather merchant, who died just
liefore Christmas, and who left several mil
lions of dollars to be divided among the
leading colleges of the country. His widow
has begun a contest to break his will for tbe
reason that if be had tieen in his right mind
be would not given about $3,000,000 to the
executors named in the wilL
But it is useless to give other examples.
The foregoing are sufficient to show that
there are a great many people who, if not
idiots, are at least not in their right mind.
Dueilrg la Not Yet Defunct.
Republican editors have fresh provocation
to froth at the mouth and howl carnage.
Dueling seems to be again lifting its gory
head in the world. Only last week there
wore three several exciting conflicts, in
which tbe dead were not counted and no
prisoners taken.
At I’aris a real oount fought for his own
wife, aud was actually shot. But he and
she are both recovering.
Two Virginia editors breathed instanta
neous destruction at one another, but did
not get together. Possibly tbe railroads re
fused to pass them. Much of the hilarity
aud happiness of life is more or less mod
ified by just such heartless conduct.
Then there was a slaughtering bee be
tween two western worn© 1 wh 1 ignored
the habitual and trustworty rolling pin and
went at ea h other with butcher knives.
Their “touch and execution” were said to be
powerful and impressive in tbe extreme.
Within the brief whet of four seconds and
also aquarer one woman slashed open a
prominent section of her adve sary’s bust,
from whichgushed in prodigal profusion the
warm sawdu-t of life in largo gushes. Au
other dexterous slash swept away her pat
ent eyebrows and amputated a large area
of radiantly healthy complexion.
While this was transpiring the other
fierce combatant plunged her trusty blade
into a particularly flue hip and liberated a
ferocious hurrah beside layiug bare in the
gaping wound something less than sevon
bales of extra No.l cotton batting. After sev
eral savage plunges she also struck a rib-in
a corset, tore off a wad of false hair, bit her
tongue, ripped out a shriek, stabbed the
atmosphere several times, severed a largo
red cloak button, spit out a squad ot store
teeth aud fractured four grammatical
sentences.
Both ladies were greatly prostrated by
exposure. Also by stopping upon each
other’s wad of chewing gum. Both suffer
great paia and mortification. But they are
said to feel much better since they were ex
tricated from their shattered raiment. Some
of tho more lacera ed portions are said to
be beyond medical skill, and will have to bo
amputated just where they be;?ln.
This all happened in a common country
kitchen, and it is darkly hinted that, unsat
isfied with the pervading atmosphere of
reeking carnage, one woman scuffled to a
smutty but contiguous hook and, snatching
therefrom the terrible weapon, blackened
the two eyes of her cringing antagonist
with one fell swat of a cold skillet. It was
most exquisitely dreadful, hut it seemed to
soot them both all over. Goaded to mad
ness by such savagery the other woman
naturally took a frantic revenge, as that
was the handiest. It seems that there was
a home-made pie perilously near at that
momentous juncture in the colloquy.
All of this tends to accentuate from four
to six things:
Dueling is not wholly defunct.
Sometime* a mail fights in a laudable
cause by mistake.
Oc asioually a railroad actually averts a
catastrophe with goro on it.
Woman is not always so softly submissive
as she is sometimes represented by senti
montalis.s who are somewhat soft them
sel es.
Furthermore, when callers call, invite
them into the wood-shed where there is noth
ing laying around more fatal than a dull ax
or a billet of inoombustibly big oord-nood.
Keep away from the deadly domain of the
kitchen. That course will sustain longevity.
Also apetite and good neighbors.
When Gov. Hill was intervied at length
in Albany a few days ago by Mr. VV. C. Mc-
Bride, the Washington correspondent of the
Cincinnati Enquiver, he very freely denied
that he is afraid of Grover Cleveland or
avoiding him. Among other things Gov.
Hill expressed the opinion that President
Harrison will be renominated. He does not
believe that Mr. Blaine “has any hope of
again making his record on his personality
an issue before the American people.”
though, in the governor’s private judgment,
the Maine statesman “is the greatest per
sonality within the Republican party.”
Gov. Hill pronounced as ridiculous the state
ment that he declin and to attend the tariff re
form dinner in New York because of the ex
pected presence of Mr. Cleveland, and that
for the same reason he would not attend the
dinner of the Tariff Reform Club in Phila
delphia. “I am busy here,” added
the governor). “the legislature is about to
meet; a United States senator is about to
be elected, and yet, with my inability to re
8; ond to invitations which come in upon
me, I am charged with a delinquency in
acceptance because Grover Cleveland l ap
pens to be likewise a guest. Perish the
thought.” Nevertheless the governor’s
arduous duties are so operating as to keep
him away from festivities that Cleveland
attends and liberate him for other occasions
right along. Nicely adjusted duties.
Resident American missionaries at Teheran
were recently honored and astonished by an
informal visit from the Shah of Persia. As
that was the first lime he had ever been
kuowD to visit a foreign resident, some sur
prise was but natural. Tnere are at the mis
sion several pretty young schoolmarms in
whose fetching ways of impressing the young
oriental idea his imperial majesty seemed
deeply interested, and he took occasion to
commend their neat housekeeping. Gracious
shah.
Sorosis seems to have ovaile i of its last
annual dinner time in New York to rid cule
mankind. That is always the very first
manifestation of the “advanced woman.*"
To demonstrate her irrepressibly keen ob
servation and critical Acumen she begins
to sneer at the defects of man. Before the
ladies can' claim to be in every respect
man’s equal they must show that they can
also be as broad and liberal and just in
judgment. Man’s esteemed superiority does
not oousist in simply wearing b r ecches and
voting, os the ladiee 6eem to suppose.
Natural gas is saidlo bare recently caused
an earthquake in Indiana. It has also
caused several severe shocks iu congress.
PERSONAL.
Dr. W H. Mileurn, the (Mind chaplain of the
House of the House of Re resentatives. is writ
ing a book on tbe pioneers of the Mississippi
Yai ey. He has a collaborator.
The Duchess d’Cxis has just lost $-0,000 by
the ti ght of a French banker. It is said that
she nas also sunk $650 030 in the Gaulois, a
Parisian royalist newspaper.
Ida Levis, the famous life saver, has been
offered a cnanci to go on the stage as the
heroine in a life saving scene, but she prefers
her station in the Newport lighthouse.
I an vt Davenport's first stage appearance
was in February, 1A57, at the American Theater
on Chambers street. New York, of which her
father and Harry Watkins were the managers.
Georoe T. Brewster, who designed tbe figure
"Ind aua” for tbe soldiers and sailors’monu
ment to be erected at Indianapolis. is a native
of .Mav-acuuaetbt and is not yet 28 years of age.
Puor. R H. Jesse of Tulane university. New
Orleans, who has been elected president of the
Missouri State Unidersity. is a Virgurian by
b<r h and a graduate of ihe Virginia State uni
ver-.uy.
Mr3. Dolph, wife of the Oregon senator. Is
one of the pretty women of Washington. She
U a brunette, of fine figure and handsome face.
She is a farmer's (laughter, aud was a dairy
ma and in her youth.
Mr. (.'aminetti, who has been awarded a seat
in the next congress, is of Italian parentage,
but a native born Californian, and he is said to
be the first man from aliforma in either House
who was born in th j state.
Edwin B, Winank. who will be the first demo
cratic governor that Michigan has had in thirty
years. Is a conservative, bald-hea led old farmer,
wit j 1. neatly trio raed l>-ard. and kindly eyes
beaming out of gold spectacles.
One of the most prominent traits of the late
Selab Chamber ain, of Cleveland, was his ten
der feeling for all his relatives, esp c ally those
who had not been so fortunate in business as he.
He did much for t. o-e who needed help.
Archduchess Maria Dorothea is one of the
beauties of the Austrian imperial family. She
:s above medium hight. with dark hair ad
ey. sand a fresh complexion. She is noted for
her charities and for her skill in piano playing.
Queen Victoria is said to believe that the
house of Orleans is unlucky, and does not wish
their bad luck to overcloud her femily. She has
also, saj s a correspond-nt, a clear view of the
neces-fiy of not being on bad terms, through
the la liofher own house, with the French
republic.
Sir John Pope Hinnessy, who was returned
to Parliament from North Kilkenny in spite of
sr. Parnell's opposition, has a fellow and
kindly leeling with the latter on one acco nt,
at least—they have botli made the London
limes pay handsomely for tbe privilege of
libeling them.
United States Treasurer Huston is a de
voted horseman, anil nt his place at Conners
ville, Ind., he has handsome staoles, the stalls
of widen contain valuable hordes of aristocratic
lineage and n ble records. Mr. Huston is a stu
dent of the trotting horse, and hisßtables in
variably carry off prizes when they are exhib
ited at fairs and horse shows.
BRIGHT BITo.
Youno Doctor—l prescribed for my first
patient yesterday.
Vo ing Lawyer (anxiously)—Has he made his
*ih ySt ?— Puck.
"1 r you gave lessexpenpive presents to peo
ple, you could have better apartments than
thee.”
“I Know: but I shouldn't get half so many
good dinners. "—Harver's Bazar.
Miss Seasoned—Speaking of names. 1 think
Frank is a pretty name.
Mr. CharlqsF. Bylver- VYaas; so do I. That's
niy middle name.” (Gaming c mrngei- Er—
M hat do you think of ,Hyiver for a name?
Bar tier's Bazar.
“Your name Is Julia Miller?”
“Yea, your honor."
“Tell mo how edri you are.”
"Tw ill v-fivq, jjiur honof,”
"bio! Well, now that .you' have given your
age. we will admin ster the oath.”— Flieaende
U.atter.
“From the amount ot airs that man puts on
you'd think he owned the township,” remarked
a now comer to a rather unproductive section of
theco utry.
•‘Gobdness me, no. H doesn't own a foot of
land any w here near her©. That's what makes
him so stuck up.'— Washington Post.
A Compliment to l oston.—ln a New York
piotqyt) aaijery—First Visitor—U, isn't that a
beau iful painting' 1 should know it was Italy.
How easily one can ocate an Ha ian view.
ISe oi and \ isttor (readin ; description from the
catalogue)—View from Public Garden, Boston.
Pus, on Beacon.
Farewell I.ktter of a Bookkeeper.—“ Dear
Youug Lady; Since you have truns erred your
love to another. I have cio en inv account w ith
you. i find myself year creditor by 300 marks,
which 1 spent for you and w hich I now have to
put down to profit and loss liegende Plat
ter.
Brown—Tell me, do you think that [lobbs
aver .ays what isn’t exactly true?
Fogg—Well, Is. ou and not like to charge Hobbs
with Untrutufulness; but if he himself believes
one-hundredth part of the stories he lells he
must be the moat credulous man alive.— Boston
Transcript.
“Woe to the women that sew pillows to all
armholes,” is a warning, says a criptural con
temporary, to be found in the eighteenth verse
of file fourteenth chapter of the book of
Ezekiel, in which, no doubt, the aucieut
author, in his mind’s eye, looked down the dim
vista of future generati ns and caught a glimpse
of the style of dress worn by the dear daughters
of Eve cf to-day.— Oil Citj Blizzard.
Criticism in Brooklyn —Editor—That per
formance at the opera house Monday night was
the worst performance 1 ever witnessed, yet I
see your artic e puffs it ud to the skies.
Dramatic Critic—l had to. Tne company
will be here a<l the week, and the manager said
if I primed a word against them bed come
around with a gnu.
Editor—l see. Well, it’s always wise to keep
on the safe side.
Office Boy (rushing in)—Big mob at the door
goln’ to s.ioot t e dramatic critic.
Critic tweakiy)—l—l never thought of that.
They must be the audience.— B ooklyn Life.
A Dialect Poem—The Philadelphia Times:
“Ho wanted the ear.n, like the rest of his kind,
Yet he swore like a trooper rauts,
Because a car, passing aio g the street,
Splashed a small blotch of mud on his pants ”
This is a very haudsome specimen of Phila
delphia dialect. The Boston poet would have
elahoraied he idea about in this wise:
“He warned the earth, like the rest of his kind,
Yet he swore lik a crowd o carousers,
Because a car, passing along tbe street,
Splashed a small blotch of mud on his trous
ers.”
Philadelphia ls'justly proud of br scrapple,
of G. W. Cuilds, and of the ability of her'eiti
zens to pronounce Schuylkill in one syllable, but
her culture is painfully deficient.— lndianapolis
Journal.
CURRENT COMMENT.
Red Cut of Civilization.
Prom the Hew York World iDem.X
“All persons”—not red—“born in the New
United States and subject to the jurisdiction
thereof, are c tizens of the United States.”
’’The right of the people”—not red—“to keep
and bear arms shall not be in ringed.” So reads
tho constitution revised in crimson.
Queer Place to Wear Stockings.
From file Boston Herald (Ind.).
The Philadelphia Rec rd man has investigated
the subject, and finds that the prettiest slock
ing, are worn on slippery days.
This is Altogether Tjo Inquisitive.
From the Chicago Mail (Ind.).
The statement is going the rounds of the press
that no Vassar girl has ever obtained a divorce.
Be,ore moralizing upon this fact, however, it
might be well to inquire whether any Vassar
girl as ever obtained a husband. And if so
whether a husband ever obtained a divorce from
a Vassar girl.
Now Here’s Another Tough Conun*
drum.
From the Louisville Courier-Journal (Pent
Wi en our cruisers are distributing world’s
fair pamphlets in foreign ports, will the officers
engaged in the work be expected to answer
conundrums put to them by ignorant foreigners
regarding the McKinley bill?
Looks Like sop.
FYom the Philadelphia Press (Rep.).
How is the vote of Senator Cameron against
shelving the elections bill to be construed -
merely as a sop to Cerberus, now tiiat bis con
siituents are aroused, or as indicating hia con
viction that the bill should become a law?
Fls Impetuous Room-mate.
A gentleman who is not so young as be once
says the YontA't Companion, recalls with
amusement some of his experiences wbil - keep
ing school in c rtain rural districts, it se-ras to
him long, long azo. Accustomed as be was to
the comforts and refinements of a well kept
house, be found it difficult to adapt himself to
the peculiar system of housekeeping in vogue
in the districts where he taught.
At one of his first boarding places he wis
given an uncarpeted and uatudy little bedroom
on the ground floor of an old farmhouse very
much out of repair because of the abiftlessncsa
of it* owner.
Ushered Into this uninviting room, and being
told to make himself •‘right to home." the
young teacher, tired and horn -sics, went at
once to bed, an 1 was almost asleep when he
heard a sou id as of someone mov.ng about un
der the bed.
He was not a very brave men. and felt him
self poorlv prepared t scope with a possible des
perado. For a long time, therefore, he lay per
fectly still.
Once more be heard the nois \ He could bear
the suspense no longer. He got up. lighted his
can le and knelt down to look under ihe be t.
which had an old-fashioned valance of purple
calico around it. iiardly had be lifted the val
ance wrier, the concealed foe male a furious on
slaught upon him. knocked him heels over head
and bruise l him badly.
The car die was rut out and the frightened
teacher roared lustily for help. In rusned the
farmer and hia wife, to discover tneir guest
sprawling on the floor, while his foe stood in
the corner of the ro m, shaking ids head de
fiantly. ns if be meditated a second attvcK.
‘‘Oh, I'm almost killed:” gasped the teacher.
“There waa a man or some awful animal under
the bed.”
“ Twa'n’t no man." said the farmer, grinning
in a very unsympathetic manner; •• twas only
our old billygoat. I'd orter ’ave to and you that he
always sle ps under too bed in this room He
wouldn’t 'ave touched you if you’d paid no ’ten
tion to him. Git bank under thar, you rascal,
and lay still!”
He gave the goat a kick as he spoke, and it
disappeared under the bed. The t -acher also
retired a . ain, but the next day he sought a
more congenial boarding place.
Building a Kansas 3oozn.
At Wichita. Kan., writes a New York Sun
scribbler. I had to occupy a room at the hotel
with a stranger, who tol l me that he lived about
fi'ty miles away on a ranch. We got along all
right for tnree or four days, and then, one
Dight as we went to bed. he askt and:
“You kin read and write, can t ye’”
“Yea.”
"I sorter mistrusted you could. What do
they call this thing they get out about anew
to -• n?”
”I>o you mean a prospectus?"
“That ’s it. Kin you wr.te one?”
“I tuink so ”
•’Kin you draw a sort o map?”
“Yes."
“Just as lief lie as not?”
“No, sir!”
. “Well, don’t get hot. Here's what I want.
I've got 2)0 acres cf land thirty-five miles from
anywhar. and it s too cussed poor for a jack
raobit to even run over. I want to lay oat a
town thar and sell off $50,000 worth of lots be
fore the tnd o the month. It km be done if I
kin git the right sor of partner."
’ You want a liar, eh?"
“Got to be. He's got to lie a river alongside
that property, two railroads across it, 15.000
pouulalio i into the county, and thee ring in a
lot of churches, schools and factories to gild it
off. I'll give you half.”
“No, I couldn't.”
“AH right—no harm done. It you are not a
liar, that settles it, and we won’t have no hard
feelings.”
Six weeks later I met him in a bank in Omaha
just as he iva ; depositing *27 000, and he held
out liis hand and said; “Sho! Is it y u? Wish
you had com” in t n minutes ago and seen my
liar holdiug up his half of the deni. Conscien
tious -erupics, e:i? Well, some folks has 'em.
and when rhey doss it's all right, and no hard
feelings on my part."
Sha Had to Wash the Pets.
A curious caso of especial interest to elderly
spinsters and lovers of bouse pets is shortly to
coma before the Berlin courts A young woman
was engaged as a companion to an old lady at
siatod wages, says the London Teleo oph, but
ran away irom her place two days after enter
ing se vice.
Her mistress procured her arrest under the
law that a sen ant must give duo notice before
Lav ng ner situation; but the police after hear
ing th girl’s statement told the lady that sue
could not compel the girl to return, and Could
only clai m damages lnt e civil court.
tor the girl stated, and her statements have
been proved true, that ou entering the lady's
flat four imnie se dogs jumped on her, although
they did not do her any harm. In the n j xt
room another big dog, with a litter of pups,
met her gaze, veils the third room was ten
ante 1 by at least three dozen different varieties
of birds
Tue k.tchen of the old lady was given over to
cats, and the girds sleeping-room was converted
into a temporary hospital for iuva.id members
of the animal world.
“The old lady,” said the girl, “was very kind
to me, but, as ray duties consisted in washing
all the dogs daily, and I had to share my bed
with half a dozen dogs and cats, I was Obliged
to run away to avoid sickness.”
Amenities of Poser In Arizona.
Any particular lack of interest on our edi
torial page this werk must be laid to alitile in
cident which eecured Tuesday lorenoon, shouts
tha Arizona Kicker. A cross-eyed pressman,
wh was working his way from San Francisco
to Boston to ire his mother die, had put in a
couple . f weeks with us as uterary edito . He
seemed a prudent, level-headed fellow, and we
passed In his oopy w ithout readiug It.
Wnat did he do but ring in little item to the
effect that four aces always beat a roval flush,
no matter what old liar held to the contrary.
Col. Johnson, who is Arizona authority bn
poker, came around to have a look at our man
ami ask where and how we had captured him,
and he scarcely stepped inside the office when
the pressman lost his nerve and began to shoot.
Wnat was tne colonel's gain was our loss. We
had a linger split by a bullet, the devil got a
rake acr ss the skub, and the foreman now car
ries his arm in a sling. The colonel, it is need
less to say, was untouched. When our young
man got through snooting at every bod v except
the man he wanted to hit we assisted to take
him out, head him for thecaci us plantation and
start him off. He won’t see his mother die- not
if he keeps on in that direction.
Tenderfoots sailing in this direction should
bear in mind that our customs, ways and habits
are somewhat different from those of Bos on
and New York, and on arriving in this locality
they should expect to be advised and posted by
citizens who can exhibit nine graves in their
private burying grounds.
Won’t Let Him Drink or smoke.
Many months ago Mary Vacar, a comely
young Bohemian woman of 20 years, began
suit against her young husband, Frank M.
Vacar, for divorce. After several Ineffectual
attempts Vacar was induced to come to c< nirt,
and boa peared before Judge Stone Saturday
morning.
The young couple began their married life
under the most happy auspices, says the Cleve
land Ltader, but the honeymoon was hardly in
its last quarter befo e they found that their
tastes were far from congenial.
The husband want and to be "one of the boys,"
and the wife, wuo was a minister’s daughter,
and of a religious turu of mind, often rebuked
him for his worldly ways.
”Why don't you live with your wife?” asked
Jud e -tone of the defendant.
“There are some things about her that I don't
like," replied Vacar evasively.
“Well, what are they!"
“She won't let me drink and smoko and is
entirely too religious.”
After a consultation between his honor and
attorneys the case was postponed until the next
term.
“ Will He Come?”
Jules Reymonde, in Casseli's Magazine.
The sun haa lit the wood and ret;
With heavy dews the grass is wet:
The first stand out in silhouette.
Sharp, tad and s.lliy;
Sometimes a rabb.t flits in sight
A eca npering wniax-a gleam of white;
Naught else. Her scarf she gathers tight—
The air is cnilly.
The belfry clock strikes slowly—eight.
“Ah, waning love makes trysters late;
Slack suitor he whore queen may wait!”
She stops and listens;
A dead leaf rustled—t at was all!
Well, maiden pride will come at call:
She will not let th j tear-drop fail—
It stands and glistens.
She turns-—but hark! the step she knows!
The branches part, and, swinging, close;
What penance now ..n him impose
The tryst who misses?
She can't be hard, though hard she tries,
For love will melt throug.i loving eyes,
And all the chilling words that rise
Are crushed with kisses.
Many Persons are broken
down from overwork or household cares.
Brown’s Iron Bitters Rebulldsthe
system, aids digestion, removes excess of bile,
and cures maUria. Get the genuine*
ITEMS OF INTEREST.
The Empress op Acstria has lost all inter
est in dress and courtly cere mo ials of state
j since her son's death. The wonderful parure
; of diamonds in process of construction for ner
lat the time of his death was sold. She travels
incognito about the contiueut in plainest garo.
but ner lov? for rises remains unchanged, and
s e still deiizhts in their perfume and timings.
Accordingly, during the royal ladv's stav in
La nz Schloes, over *O3 rose trees were brought
from Count Hohenstein's collection to meet the
great demand for her favorite flower. There
are advantages in being an empress.
Ax enormous volume, thrice as large as the
bulkiest family Bible that ever graced a
marble-topped table in a country parlor,
reached the national capital a few days ago. In
gold letters on its broad oack were tue wi >rds,
"History of Members, second session. F.ftv
first Congre-s." In this book will he recor ed,
not the private history of members, but ail their
public actc Every time a member votes, every
time he in.ro luces a bill or 1 e ition, and every
time he is recorded as not voting or paired will
be recorded in ihe huge book, and future bi
ograpners wilt find air ady prepared lor the r
use a vast amount of data. If the size of the
volume is auy indication of its importance it
ought to be preserved in a treasury vault.
One of the minor sensations of Broadway,
New York, for the past week or so has been a
young woman who sits in a large show window
ali day lo ,g sho -ting at a mart with a newly
inveuted toy pistol. She fires 4.000 or 5,000
shots a day, and scores a bull's eye without al
lowing the triu uph to ruffle her air of calm in
aifferenc *i > the slightest decree. The crowd
of t>r, utuless and pushing spectators on the
sidewalk do not catch a glance of,her eye from
morning to Jiig.it, and she goes on pop -mz
away with the regular ty of a telegraph
sounder. Thpexh-tion has an absorbing fasci
nation for the small boys. Borne of them
watch the young woman for hours, aad are ap
parently never conscious of tue hustling and
bumping which they get from the passing
crowd. s
Any nuii3er of bills have been lost in both
houses of congress, leaving no trace behind.
Journal Clerk Bmith recalls an incident which
is even more i teresting than an absolute dis
appearance. In the Forty-third co gross a
bundle of papers connected with a clai m in
which Kepres ntative Cobb of North Carolina
was interested was mysteriously lost, and dr.
C bb went so far as to accuse Representative
law fence of Ohio, afterwards control.er of
the treasury, who was opposed to the claim,
with naving secreted it. Five years afterward
a bundle arrived at the capitol from North
Carolina. It contained the ini-sing documents,
and bad evidently been d.scovered by Mr. Cobb
himself among his own effects, although he did
not vouchsafe an explanation.
The fact that Judge Brown, who has been
appointed aj associate justice of the supreme
court, shot and killed a burglar formed a i ext
for a number of interesting st iries in the cloak
room of the House the other day. Judge
Rowell of Illinois related a personal experience
that might have had a tragic ending. He said
that he nad always made up his mind t at
when he heard a b rglar in his louse ,e would
quietlylet the nocturnal visitor depart in pe ice,
but that when his first ourgiar actually came he
acted very different y. "I was awak-ned one
night," he sai 1, "at my home in Bliomington
by the noise of a man in my room. I rolled out
of bed and rushed toward him. He ran into a
little halt roo n and I followed. Just as 1 readied
the door he turned and fired at me, the bullet
burying its-If in ths ja nb of the door. Of
course 1 stopped, for I nad neither pistol nor
cane, a id the ourgiar went out of the window
tnrough whicn he nad entered. That bullet is
in the door iamb to this day.”
A “curled darlino" just turned 20. who
numbers among his other possessions a wealthy
father, a yellow mastachs and a lot of London
made clothing, said to the New York Star mail
the other night: "Jty dear fellow, I wish you
would put the things I say to yo i in the paper
It might help the other fellows, aDd as yon
won't print my name, it w u't hurt me. Just
say for mo that it's vary bad form to wear
patent leathers in the morniug, and positiv iy
brutal to appear in a sack coat and a high silk
tile. Anotuer thing, always wear a flower In
your buttonhole, but under no c rcumslances
let it be a red oue. Don’t talk to ttie waiter
who verves your dinner. Don’t drink cocktails
after 2 o'clock p. ra., and, above all things,
don't cairy a newspaper through the streets.
Th v don’t do it in Loudon, but t ey and > it nere.
New Yor; society lacks reserve— l guess that is
the word. At any rate, they lack sornet ,lng
here." Then tne narrow-chested, pale faced
f llower of McAllister rolled and lighted a
cigarette, ad with a solemn little bow, went on
his way rejoicing.
Go into any of the offices of presidents of
great transportation companies in the last
week and you could not help noticing, says the
New York Sun, the pretty square cards, beauti
fully lithograpned, which littered the desks of
the presidents aud the immediate subo dinate
officers. The presidents of all the railroads, the
presidents of all the express companies and of
great insurance companies, and all other men
influential in the business world, all had a
sacholful of these prettily engrav and cards.
They were the annual passes wnich entitle
them to travel ou every road in the country
gratis. These passes came from all paVts of the
country, and t ie filling out of t ie list takes tne
time of o e clerk one month before the begin
ning of every year. Of course the presidents of
the railroads coming into Now York and the
presidents of the express companies here have
to reciprocate, and t iey also nave sent out a
wagon 1 -nd of these annual free passes. It
should be added that the Western Union issues
quite as many The railroad passes permit
lree travel, the express passes the sending of
free packages, and the telegraph passes parmit
the sending of free messages, no matter where
the holder may be in the United States. The
de izns in the passes are sometimes very pretty,
and the collection this year, as seen in President
Tnomas C. Platt s offloi the other day, was a
curiously beautiful one or the lithographic art.
The most unique and expressive is a card sent
out by John 110 *y of the Adams Express Com
pany. On the face delicately engraved, is a
skull, aud above it in fine letters are the words
“Dead Head."
Ex- Marsh vl Lusk of North Carolina was in
AVashingt. n the other day. Mr. Lusk retired
from office about seven years years ago. He
had a little money when he became marshal
and added to it by carefully busbandlug his
salary. Upon the appointment of his successor
he looked around lor a promising field in which
to invest ids few thousands. He decided that
land was the thing. It was real and could not
getaway. So he put al of his money into
North Caro ina acres. The result of his invest
ment was that until a short time azo be was
“land poor." His mountainous domain, it is
true, was extensive and picturesque, but it was
not productive. Mr. Lusk had to hump himself
lisa a bullock of India in order to get
enough money together to bu. food and
raiment and pay taxes on his property. But his
turn came at ast Vanderbilt, the gr at paper
man, became enamored of 100 of Lusx's acres
and bouz it the tract of hi a at such a Azure
that he cleared about $ 5,000 on the transaction
These things were told to a bright young North
C.rolina girl who is employed in the department
of justice, and who is a friend of Mr. Lusk
They were formerly pretty near neighbo: s for
No th Carolina. She expressed herself as
pleased at Lusk’s good fortune, bur waited to
know if Vanderbilt got off witn only 100 acres
She was asked what she meant. Her repl, was
"o. I am from that part of the country, and
know wkai kind of lan i spreads itself out in
those parts. Why. the usual method of pro
cedure down there is for the man who purchases
ICO acres from another to stand over the seller
with a shotgun to prevent him from giving a
deed for ISO acres”
Schli rmann was very superstitious for a man
of learning. When he was a poor clerk in Am
sterdam he dreamed of the number ill 641 He
thereupon sent .0 that-rs to Berlin to be’invest 'd
on that number in a lottery. It had been sold,
aid he was given another numb r in is place
which drew nothing, and he lost his 10 thaler i
But 111,641 drew 130.000 thalers! An old tailor
at this time gave Bchliemann an infallible
recipe for getting rich, to widch he considered
his own prosperity due. It consisted in putting
on the left stocking, the left shoe, e c
tiret. Schliemann was greatly impressed
with the s ggestion, and for the remain
der of his life he act and upon it. To nut
out his left hand and left foot first
became a second na ure with him, and he used
seriously to urge his friends to adopt the prac
tice, saying: “It does no harm, and I assure
you my luck chan ed from tue m. -raent I heeded
the oid tailor During the Crimean war he
had invested his entire capital of £22 500 in
mdizo. which uad been shipped from London
and Ha nb rg to Mem -1, Prussia, on its way to
Russia, when, upon arriving at Tilsit Sciille
tnann learned that the town of Memei had been
wnolly consumed. He hurried thither and was
told to looz among the ashes for his goods
But upon mentioning his lo>s to an official he
found he was ihe only pe son whose goods had
not been des royed. as they had not a rived
until after the c was over Schlis
mann al rays b iieved that his nabit of pul ting
on his .eft stocking first had something i 0 do
with his good iuck. It might be added that
he had been deeply impressed with a sense of
coning d.saster. and had hastened to Tilsit be
cause, hue looking out of his hotel win low at
Koenigsb rg, he had s en this inscription in
gold letters upon a city gate:
“Vultus fortunes
Va'-iatur imagine luna>;
Citscit. and orescit.
Cons tans persistere nesclt.”
MEDICAL,
lg S^l
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Sick Headache and relieve all the troubles bw*
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SI6K
Headache, yet Carter's Little Liver Pn,.
are equally valuable ia Constipation. curef
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.hey also correct ali disorders of the stoinZ'-V,
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Even if they only cured " t * I
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who suffer from this distressingTonmi, ??
but fortunately their goodness doesnotVii
there Rttle plliV'vaHiah™ m reV^wlys
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. ..A6Hg
A the bane of so many iiyes that here is when.
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while others do not. * e "
Little Liver Pills are very small
and very easy to take. One or two pill's nmke
it dose. They are strictly vegetaMe
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CASTES I£EL!CINS CO., Hsw York.
tdi 81. Small Ssa M
fevelo'iG
A NATURAL REMEDY FOB
Epileptic Fits, Falling Sickness, firs* I
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This medicine has direct action upon (ft* I
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Our Pamphlet for sufferers of nervous I
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and poor patients can also obtain this med- I
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This remedy has been prepared by the Re. I
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SOLD BY DKL'CSiSTS.
Pr-e st| n.r Kettle. lea for $5.
LIPPMANBIIO3., Agent*. Savannas, (la,
: GAIN j
1 Lfl-ffilr ofiE pom® ;
I 1,M2l ,M 2 A Day. i
; taummuig J ,
} A GAIN OF A POUND A DAY IN THE
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} THAT REMARKABLE FLESH PRODUCER, |
iSCOTT’Sj
i Emulsion i
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}IS NOTHING UNUSUAL. THIS FEAT •
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3 Druggists. Avoid substitutions and I
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| BEECHAMS PILLS™!
g (THE GREAT ENGLISH REMEDY.) |
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1 OB* ALL DRTJt3-OXSTg I __J
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A PERMANENT CURE
in from 3 to B days, of the most obstinate cases,
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Parties wishing to save
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year will save time and
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D. B. LESTER,
Where they will find every
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Reduced Prices, and a large
stock of fine Old Cherry and.
Port Wines. Asuperior Amer
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( -V CENTS A WEEK p*r for tW
• 9 h-v DAILY MORNING NEWS, di£
p lered EARLY EVERY MOBHM"
id any pul of (he ciOr.
