Newspaper Page Text
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CjjelPflrmnifjletos
Morning News Buiiding Savannah, Ga.
SATURDAY, AUGUST 15, 1801.
Registered at the Postojfflce in Savannah.
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INDEX TO NEW ADVERTISEMENTS.
Special Notices - Base Hall Between Sevan
>ah Cadets and Savannah Volunteer Guards
Saturday, Aug. 15; Notice to Members of Bar
and Others as to Convening of City Court of
Savannah.
Mount a I.* Butter- J 8. Tyson, Jr., & Cos.
So Glai>— B. H. Levy & Bro.
Educational —University of Georgia; St.
Mary’s School, Raleigh, N. C.
Railroad Schedule—Tybee Branch Central
Railroad of Georgia.
Steamship Schedule—Ocean Steamship Com
pany.
Cheap Column advertisements—Hbld Want
ad; S uploymnit Want O; For Rant; For Sale;
Lost: Personal. Miscellaneous.
Lecturer Anna Hickman got enough ad
Tertis ing out of her insanity pose to start
her lecture with quite an impetus. Next
time sha will probably have to play dead to
interest the public.
Apparently Senator Quay sympathizes
witl the woes that beset Senator Brice in
his tuesel for his seat in the Senate. Possibly
it is a "fellow feeling” that makes the
Pennsylvania senator so "wondrous kind.”
Some New York girls have formulated
what they call a boycott against the young
men of their acquaintance who will not
dance with them. Ostracism in that case
seems to be wholly unnecessary. To all
outward appearance it established itself.
Philadelphia republican pipers are doing
a great deal of marveling at the wonderful
oondscension of President Harrison in al
lowing a very aged man at Cape May to
stroke his hair. It is the only particularly
creditable thing he has done since he has
been there. Still it was nothing remarka
ble at best.
Lack of arms and ammunition are said to
have been all that heretofore restrained the
Chilean insurgents from aggressive warfare
upon the Balmaceda hosts. Now that they
have jnst received a shipload of equipments
by the arrival of the Maipo they are fairly
frautio with joy. And we may expoct to
soon hear of some lively scrapping down on
the lower Pacific coast.
Decidedly the most unique elopement on
record recently occurred in Minnesota,
where two good lookiug young married
women ran away from Anandale with one
barber. At all events he will not have to
take care of his own whukers. Between
those two women there will probably not be
much hair loft on Lis head or face for the
wind to whistle through. It he escapes from
those two women alive he will make the
olosest shave he ever made in his tonsorial
career.
Under the provisions of a contract just
closed with tho Piatt County Fair Associa
tion Prof. Karl Myer will undertake to
examine the Illinois clouds above Montieello
'next Wednesday on a machine that he calls
a "sky-bicycle.” It consists of a turpedo
shaped hydrogen gas-bag. to which is sus
pended a machine similar to the frame
work of a bicycle which operates fans or
paddle-wheels. These propel the balloon.
So nicely is the machine balanced that toe
operator has merely to lean back, thus ele
vating the front end of the balloon, and it
rises. KUing in such machines is not usu
ally painful. It is the precipitate coraiug
down thereof that hurts.
Some effective method should be devised
for punishing people who flagrantly frighten
children. Little Frank Owen is now a
homeless wanderer because of the flagrant
falsehood told him by a Miohigan "scbool
ma’m” at his father's home in Owesso. Be
cause the little lad had an old rusty revol
ver at school she told him that it was a pen
itentiary offense. That the statement was
an arrant lie did not concern her. All
that she had in view was to frighten the
ohild and to "have fun” with him. Some
people who olaim to be quite respectable,
and even religious, do not scruple to lie
when they wish to “have fun.” As the lad
was only i2 years old, and the woman was
bis instructor, he did not suspect her of de
liberately lying to him. Possibly she
would have felt quite indignant if any one
had told her she had lied. But that's just
what she did. So the little lad became so
alarmed that be left borne for fear of arrest,
aud his distressed parents, siuoe laet June,
have suffered and must continue to suffer
all the pangs of constant anxiety simply
because that woman who was entrusted to
instruct him had set the example of lying
by way of amusement.
How to Shorten the Sessions.
The committee of the legislature, to which
was referred the various bills for shortening
the sessions of that body, bas made a report
to the effect that none of the ; lans pro
posed in the bills would accomplish the ob
ject desired. The committee says that the
greater part of the time of the legislature is
taken up with special ad local leg slation,
and that the only wav to get rid of this
kind of leg.slation is to amend the constitu
tion.
The Morning News has called attention
of the legislature time and t.mi again to
the fact that the state was being put to
great expense for legislation that should be
provided for bv a few general laws. There
are hundreds of local bills introduced which
deal with roattars which could iie attended
to much more intelligently and to much
better advantage by county commissioners
and municipal authorities.
Assuming that the committee, to which
I the bills in question were referred, has given
1 the matter thorough consideration, and has
pointed out the only way in which the leg
islature can be relieved of its unnecessary
burden, a bill should be introduced and
passed at once providing for submitting to
the people such a constitutional amendment
as is required. There Is no excuse for de
lay. The present legislature will cost the
people many thousands of dollars more than
it ought to, and there is no good reason why
the people for years to como should be sub
jected to a heavy annual expense that is
wholly unnecessary.
Now that it is known just what ought to
lie done, let the legislature see that it is
done promptly. The members owe it to
their constituents to introduce economy
wherever it can be introduced without in.
jury to the public interests.
It was said when this legislature was
elected, being an alliance legislature, that
business would be attended to so strictly
that the session would be a short one. It
was even said that the legislature would get
to work before day and w uld not adjourn
until after dark. Of course auybody hav
ing a reasonable amount of common sense
knew that such talk was nonsense. This
legislature is like its predecessors. It is
neither better nor worse. It doesn’t weary
itself with work, and in the matter of its
oost to the state it promises to break the
record.
Alliance Exchanges.
Theoretically alliance exchanges are very
good things, but somehow or other those
who put their money in them do not always
get it out again. In all parts of the country
in which these exchanges have been estab
lished there has been more or less trouble
in connection with them. The cause of the
trouble is that dishonest men manage in
many instaneos to get control of them.
A great many men go into the alliance to
use it for personal ends. Some want office
and they play the part of demagogues, mis
leading the farmers by all sorts of false
statements. Others want to make money
and they play the part of embezzlers, taking
advantage of the trust reposed In them.
At first it looked vory much as if the
stockholders iu the Atlanta exchange would
lose nothing because it was expected that
the Burettes of the manager would pay
promptly the amount of the defalcation. It
turns out, however, that they intend to do
nothing of tho kind. Fart of the missing
money wan taken before they became re
sponsible for the manager's eonduot. It
looks now as if those who sold goods to the
exchange as well as the exchange itself
would suffer pretty hoavy losses.
But this Atlanta affair is only one of
many of a similar kind. It is understood
that there are places in Texas where any
one who speaks in favor of alliance ex
ohaDges runs the risk of being mobbed.
The farmers, of course, are not to blamo
for the misfortunes which overtake their
exchanges, but these misfortunos show them
as plainly as anything can that many of
those who profess to te their devoted friends
and express a willingness to make all sorts
of sacrifices iu their interests have no other
purpose in view than to rob them. And as
time goes on they will have other experi
ences that will tend to teach them to beware
of loud-mouthed friends.
Typical Republicanism.
Mr. J. Sloan Fassett, tho secretary of the
national republican committee, was in
stalled as collector of the port of New York
Wednesday. The office is one of the most
important in the gift of the government.
Mr. Erhardt, a conspicuously honest repub
lican, was removed to make room for Mr.
Fassott for the reason, it is alleged, that he
would not remove good officers iu the cus
tom house end appoint party workers.
Immediately after Mr. Fassett was in
stalled in office he received from an ad
mirer a cutlass, to which was attached a
card containing the following inscription:
Republican Directions—Use daily, morn
ing, noon and night, until every demo
cratic bead is severed.
Presented to the Hon. J. Sloat Fassett,
Aug. 12, law, collector of the port of New
York.
This cutlass is an instrument of torture to
be used in beheading democrats. Use it
quickly and success is assured for the Re
publican party.
The foregoing is indicative of the sentf
ment which pervades tho Republican party.
That party has do respect for the civil serv
ice reform law, and would have it repealed
if it dared. It evades it whenever it can do
so with safety. The chairman of the na
tional republican committee, Mr. Clarkson,
when Assistant Postmaster General, re
moved nearly all the democratic pi stmasters
in the country, and Mr. Fassott, the secre
tary of that committee, will make short
work of the democrats in the New York
custom house.
The Republican party cares nothing for
the interests of the people or the welfare of
the country. Its aim is to retain control of
the government at any cost and by any
means.
Women don’t like to fail in an earnest
hustle for masculine admiration as a
general every-day thing, and when they do
they u-ually appear to feel real downright
sour about it. That’s about the status of
the Kansas circumstances between Miss
Pfaffman and Mr. Juvenal at Kansas City,
where Miss Pfaffman decided to give hor
reoreant flame a "real good blowing up."
Not satisfied with the customary feminine
verbal hurricane, the vindictive spinster
placed a lot of dynamite under the Juvenal
residence and turned it loose. It was lucky
for the gentleman he wasn’t in, as his house
was wrecked, his sister-in-law fired into a
picture, his wife thrown out doors, and all
of his neighbors jolted into a perfect panic
of alarm. But the police couldn’t find the
ardent instigator of all this upheaval.
Possibly she had to run so hard to get away
from her own plot that she hasn't yet been
able to stop herself. Any how it is pretty
plain that she doesn't like Mr. Juvenal any
more, and she probably adopted that
bys:arioal manner of notifying him.
THE MORNING NEWS: SATURDAY, AUGUST 15, 1891.
An Interesting Discussion.
That was a rather interesting discussion
at the Agricultural Society convention in
Athens on Wednesday between Farmer
Moore of Hancock county and Col. Living
ston. Farmer Moore opened the discussion
by asserting that what was needed in Geor
gia was not more money, but more children.
Col. Livingston declared that illiteracy was
increasing in the state at the rate of 17 per
cent, per annum, and he wanted to know
how Farmer Moore proposed to educate
more children. Farmer Moore said he had
twelve children, each of whom had a pretty
fair education, and he declared he did not
have to import a woman from Kansas to
tell Georgia farmers what to do.
From the applause which greeted Farmer
Moore’s remarks it was apparent that he
had the sympathy of the agriculturists.
Georgia farmers are much better posted
than Mrs. Lease as to what they want, and
they are much 1 letter informed upon any
question now before the public. Mrs.
Leases whole stock in trade is her
ability to talk loud and long without saying
anything of value, and she doesn’t care ap
parently whether or not there Is any truth
in her statements. Her purpose is to gain
notorietv, and doubtless she expects to
make money out of the notoriety which she
gains.
There are those who think that Mrs.
Lease is a very remarkable woman. Bhe is
remarkable for her ability to secure atten
tion from those who know that most of her
statements have no foundation in fact In
Washington some months ago, when she
attempted to address an audience of intelli
gent women, many left the hall in which
she was speaking.
One level-headed man like Farmer Moore
is worth more to Georgia than a hundred
women like Mrs. Lease. He has reared a
family of a dozen children who will be an
honor to the state, and he would not utter
a word that he did not know to be true.
And he has no more use for a demagogue
than the average citizen has for a rattle
snake.
Fearching for Precedents.
A Wasnington special says that Senator
Call still Ungers at the capitol, where he
spends a great deal of his time in the con
gressional library hunting for precedents to
sustain his election to the Senate. There is
no doubt that when his contest is heard ho
will present all the precedents in his favor
of which there is any record, and if he is
permitted to comment on them he will
make a speech that will occupy days in de
livery and fill several numbers of the Con
gressional Record. Mr. Call has quite a
gift for talking, llis reputation in this re
spect is second to that of no other man in
this or any other country.
Mr. Call is reported ns saying that he is
not worried over the refusal of Gov. Flem
ing to give him a certificate of election, and
that he has no doubt whatever that the
Senate will give him his seat without both
ering itself much about what Gov. Flem
ing’s appointee may say.
In the course of a talk with the corres
pondent of the Baltimore Sun the other day
Mr. Cali said that Gov. Fleming represented
but a small faction of Florida democrats
in this senatorial matter because it was un
derstood that ho (Call) should be re-elected,
and that Mr. Fleming was nominated for
governor, only after he had promised to
appoint him (Call), senator, if it should
become necessary to make an appoint
ment.
This alleged promise of Gov. Fleming is a
new feature in this senatorial muddle. Gov.
Fleming has the reputation of sticking to
his promises, and if ho made the promise
which Mr. Call says he did he may yet ap
point Mr. Call senator. But it may be that
Senator Call is mistaken with respect to the
alleged promise It is probable that Gov.
Fleming will have something to say about
this promise which has so unexpectedly
bobbed up.
When the pretty and wilful wife of
wealthy Dr. Cronyn grew repentant of her
foolish escapade In joining an opera chorus
in a fit of pique because of the fancied in
difference of her husband and became dis
gusted with the people with whom she was
thrown in contact by her duties, she was
prevented from returning to her luxurious
Buffalo home by the eager persuasions of
Manager Carleton. That was wrong. In
stead of persuadiag the foolish woman to
continue her folly Carleton should have
taken the part of an honorable man and a
gentleman and not placed any impediment
in the way of her repentance. But very few
theatrical managers have any of the in
stincts of either of those characters.
Whether they ruin a few lives and a home
more or les is of no consequence to them
so long as they manage to secure “drawing
attractions” and can turn the downfall of
their victims to account in the way of ad
vertising for the show. So long as the
woman brings in money for a season what
does Carleton oare what becomes of her
afterward? People who visit that show
hereafter might do well to scan the various
"attractions” for themselves and form their
own estimates of what the tendency of the
gaudy frivolity of such a life is likely to
be. and value it accordingly. Conducted on
such principles, the show is simply a
traveling enticement to the weak and an
itinerant menace to the sanctity of the
home.
Juvenile depravity in its most shocking
form is exemplified in the past oonduct
of an Ohio girl in Stark county. When
only 12 years of age she literally swore
away her own father’s reputation, and had
him sent to the penitentiary for life, by
charging him with an atrooious as.viult
upon her. This was rendered all the more
easy by the old man's intemperate habits.
Now that he has served eleven years of his
sentence, and she is married, she freely
oonfesses that she swore falsely to seDdhim
to prison. Why that should have been
done is not clear, unless It was prompted
by sheer childish spite for a whipping or
some other disagreeable experience. So
Gov. Campbell will pardon the man on con
dition that he shall keep sober and leave the
state. These precautionary provisos are
probably inserted to provide against the
possibility that the girl may be lying now
instead of having lied at first. Such people
cannot be readily believed under auy cir
cumstances. When huinaaity is reduoed to
that stratum of depravity there is not much
good left in it.
Intelligence comes from San Francisco to
the effect that Mr. Timothy Hogan, who
had been the adopted son of Mrs. Mark
Hopkins until he plotted against her, will
not only contest the will of his benefactress,
but will seek revenge by betraying unpleas
ant secrets of the road that employed him
if he is not pecuniarily placated before that
trial comes on. Kvidently Mr. Tim has
been on the make all the way through, and
he hasn't got over it yet. But he must be a
fine specimen of a man to try to seize a
dead woman’s property by violenoe.
PERSONAL.
A dinpatoh from Vichy states that Dom
Pedro, tho ex Emperor of Brazil, has suf
fered & relapse, and -fl again confined to
his bed.
Mr. Gladstone seems to hare recovered his
usual state of health. a'id he is sluing to Millais
for some alterations wnieh are being made in
his jubilee portrait.
Dr. J. Madison Taylor, who states that Mr.
Blaine has no organic disease, is one of the b*st
known physicians of Philade.phia, and a special
ist in nervous mala dies.
The late Leslie F. Morgan of London, Eng.,
left $860,000 to he distributed in four equal
shares among the poor or auy deserving chari
ties of PnFadelphla, St. Louis, Chicago and San
Francisco.
The czar has conferred tho grand cordon of
the Order of St. Anno upon Admiral Gervais,
of the French aqua Iron, and has bestowed
decorations upon thirty two other officers of the
French fleet.
Frederick B McGinnis, a well-known col
ored man of Baltimore, has received from Mrs,
Jefferson Davis a handsome usage orange wood
cane, which ia a bequest from the ex-president
of the confederate states.
President Carnot will not accejkt the pro
posed invitation to visit London if it is extended.
It is feared that too complicated a political
significance migut attach to his visit so soon
after that of Emperor William.
Capt. Hains of the steamship Etruria and
commodore of the Cunard fleet has just com
pleted his fifty eighth trip acrois the Atlantic.
He began his sea life in i*B\ and has been in
the service of the Cunard company since left?.
Leo XIII. was baptized by the names of Vin
cenzo and Gioacchino. His mother always
called him by his first name, which was used
by himself up to the termination of his colie
giate days, when he began to use the second
name.
Ex Gov. Sprague's wife is one of the best
horsewomen to be found at Narragaosett Pier,
and often rides thirty or forty miles in a day,
while ‘‘Bill” lounges around spinning yarns
and swapping fish stones witn the Casino
visitors.
The Shah of Persia is an enthusiast with the
kodak, and takes very good pictures with it
when he condescends to do so. Wherever he
goes he is accompanied by a court photogra
pher, who takes views of everything that inter
ests the king.
Mrs. Harrison and the ladies of her party
went slumming through Chinatown when in
San Francisco. They took au interest in every
thing, and willingly wont every place. Several
alleys wore gone through, and in one the party
was shown the foulest opium quarters in China
town.
“Philip George d’Epinojs is perhaps the most
remarkable Waterloo survivor. He was born in
1794, and still discharges the duties of burgo
master in his native village of Epinois les
Binche. The Chevalier d*Epinois was one of the
civic guards who welcomed Leopold I to
Belguim sixty years ago.
Old playgoers who are groaning over the
popular craze for farce comedy may derive
consolation from the fact that Jefferson and
Florence in ‘‘The Rivals, - ' and Stuart Robson
in “She Stoops to Conquer,” have made more
money than any legitimate comedians known
to the English-speaking stage.
Mrs. Jessie Benton Fremont, writing from
California to a friend, says: “I cannot tell you
much about myself at present. I am here
(Santa Monica) for a few months to regain and
rebuild my health, and a fixed requirement is
‘no writing, no thinking. - I know you will
understand I must not infringe ou the needed
ease, which is already, in this sweet sea air,
bringing me some of my habitual health.”
BRIGHT BITS.
She—They say Mrs. Yeriplane can hypnotize;
do you suppose it's true ?
Fie—Shouldn't wonder; she got Veriplane.—
Life.
Carr—-His will-power is wonderful, he says.
Dunn —Yes; I’ve kn >wn him to cure insouvnia
by determining to keep awake.— Smith-Gray
Monthly.
“I should think she would put on full mourn
ing for her brother. Instead of half mourning,
as she does.”
“He wan only her half brother.”— Brooklyn
Life .
First Statesman—How is the official investi
gation Into those boodle charges coming on*
Second Statesman—Splendidly, splendidly.
We’ve succeeded in not finding out a thing.
—New York Weekly.
“What part of chemistry Interested you
most?” was asked of a young woman who had
just been married to her teacher.
"Affinities," was the bride’s ingenuous reply.
—Pharmaceutical Era.
I commit no breach of confidence when I as
sert that, in the opinion of ex-Seuator Farwell,
President Harrison is no better than half a pair
of deuces after the draw, whatever that may
mean.”— Detroit Free Press.
A German custom house agent assessed as
“poultry' - a collection of butterflies, because
they had wings. much argument and de
lay the specimens were passed free as objects
or science and art .—Justice.
“What are you crying about, my little man?"
“Jimmy O'Brien licked ms flr*t, an' men
father licked me for letting Jimmy lick me, arid
then Jimmy licked me again for telling father,
an - now I suppose I shall catch it again from
father.”— Life.
Lady (at horse race)—Don’t you think it is
cruel to race horses that way this hot weather?
Horseman -Race ’ecu how, mum?
"Making them go so fast "
‘ Why, raura, the faster they go the quicker
they get through.”— Good Netty*.
“Singing with one's work not only lightens
but sweetens it,” observes a magazine phlloso
pher. This must be why that cheerful rascal,
the mosquito, is willing to work overtime o’
nights, instead of going to sleep wijh the rest of
creation.— Pniladelphia Ledger.
Mrs. Freshly—You just move on out of this.
We don't feed any vagrants here.
Old ‘ikinflhit (grimlyi—l guozs you'll help to
feed me. I'm the owner of these places here
aoouts, and as my agent is sick this month. I'm
gathering in my own rents.— Puck.
Dude (disposed to be affable with his colored
valet)—Ban jove! we forgot to send that money
to the tailor.
Sambo (meeting him half way)—Dat's a fac\
We am two ob tie blame lest fools in de four
counties. We ain't got sense enuff ter come in
outer de rain.”— Texas Siftings.
Kinglet—Hello! what have you got your best
clothes on for and that red rose in your button
hole 9
Bingo—l just told my wife I was going fish
ing.
kingley-Ha. Ha! Do you expect to catch
anything?
Bingo—l do when I get home.— Clothier and
Furnisher.
We had met on the bluff.
Se was dashing and slim
In a white flaunel frock and a yachting hat
trim.
And her eyes looking under its tip tilted brim
Were pretty enough.
In a fow weeks—a huff,
She believed I was rich.
I had thought her an heiress—the pert little
witch;
But we both were mistaken, and there was the
hitch—
We had met on the bluff.
Kate Master son m Judge.
CURRENT COMMENT.
Rural Massachusetts Promotes Dud
ley.
From the Haverhill Gazette (Rep ).
United States Senator Dudley of Indiana says
that Blaine's claim upon the republican presi
dential nomination is superior to Harrison’s. So
tay we all of us.
That Was a Business
From the Pittsburg Dispatch (InrL).
Thirty seven members of congress at Sara
toga indicate that the congressional business
last session must have been more lucrative than
it is generally credited with being.
This Man “Wants’' to Consult a Gram
mar.
From the New York Recorder (Rep.)
When the rain-machine man get* bis appa
ratus Into worklug order he wants to carefully
consult tne schedule of baseball games or he
may cause a wide-spread pang in the ranks of
the cranks.
Lost Faith In lowa.
From the Chicago Mail (Jnd.)
Chairman Clarkson hast-ns to file a demurrer
to the statement that he will stand or fall by
the result* in Ohio and lowa this fall. It is said
that Col. Clarkson can discern signs of an im
pending storm earlier than any otner republi
can now on earth.
Didn’t Wait to Hear It.
A large, middle aged man, with a kind of
how-are-you everybody look on his big, round
face, says the Chicago Tribune, stepped into a
south-side street car ye6terday morning aud sat
down by the side of a laddery youth whom,
after a few remarks of a preliminary nature
pertaining to the weather, he addressed in this
style:
“I reckon you were born and raised a blende,
warn't you. young man?'”
“I—l suppose so,*’ answered the other.
‘*l don’t often make mistakes about things of
that kind,’’ rejoined the large man, heartiiy. I
can spot a blonde as far as 1 can see him And
there’s another curious thing about that,” he
added, turning half round in his seat, crossing
one leg over the other, and growing conflden
tial. “Nature never makes any mistakes,
either. When nature gives a young fellow a
sort o’ pinkv skin and light brown hair she
doesn’t give him a blue black moustache. That’s
why—”
The slender youth hastily crossed the car and*
sat down on the oth*r side.
“You’re right,” said the cheerful, middle aged
party, following him over. “It’s altogether too
sunny on that side. Now. this thing of a blue
black moustache on a blonde face, you know,
with light eyebrows, and ”
“I’d like to know the difference,” interrupted
the now painfully bloude young man fiercely,
“it make* to you ”
“Certainly, certainly. That’s what I was
coming to. Lord bless you, I’ve got a nephew
nearly as old as you are, I reckon, and he's got
a regular sponge-cake complexion, you know
—one of these tallowy, waxy sort of skins that
go with light, tow-colored hair. They call him
borreltop. Weil, that chuckle-head went up
town one day aud paid a barber a quarter to dye
his moustache. When begot home '
“Pay! Look here: What do I care about vour
nephew—*-”
“That’s just exactly what I’m getting at. He
had a blue black mustache like yours, and he
looked like ”
“Conductor!” yelled the young man, “let mo
off at the next crossing!”
“And he looked like a streak of perdition on
a full moon,” continued the middle-aged man,
pleasautly. “No, sir, I tell you, young
chap-—”
But the young chap, without waiting for the
next crossing, jumped off.
Flop' Kerflop! Kerfiopflop.
The car was going at th j rate of twelve miles
an hour.
Whan he picked himself up he felt of his
blue-elack mustache to sec if it was ail there.
Then he pick ad up his bat.
And he stood in toe middle of the track and
swore at the flying cable car until he had to get
out of the way for the next one.
Conclusive Evidence at Last.
Just before the shower the other day, says
the Minneapolis Tribune, a man rushed into one
of the big State street dry goods stores, selected
a $7 umbrella and said to a salesman:
“I want this charged. I want to take it with
me, and I’ve just thirty minutes to catch my
train.”
“What name?” languidly inquired the sales
man.
“O. Little. Kenosha,” replied the man.
“Got an acc juot?”
“Had one for ftve years.”
“Are you Mr. Little?”
"I am.”
The salesman called over a floor walker and
explained that Mr. O. Little of Kenosha, who
had an account, and was Mr. Little himself, had
soleoted a $7 umbrella, which he wanted to have
charged anfl take with him.
“Uin— *h?” said the floor walker. “I know
Mrs. Littia, but- ”
* ‘Well, I’m her husband, and I pay the bills,”
said the man.
“Uni—ah!” said the floorwalker. “You have
no idea how we are imposed upon—the rules of
the house are so strict- do you know any one
in the store, Mr. Little?”
Mr. Little thought a moment, and said he
knew Mr. Beater in the carpet department. Mr.
Little and the floor walker unfortunately found
that Mr. Beater was ill and not down that day.
Mr. Little grew red and hot and the floor
walker pompous. Mr. Little finally recollected
that he knew a man at the glove counter, one
Mr. Kidd. Unfortunately, it was discovered
that Mr Kidd was gone to lunch. Mr. Little
grew desperate and the floor walker suspicious.
Mr. Little didn’t know anybody else in the store
or out of it, and showed a pookotful of let ters
addressed to “O. Little, Kenosha, Wis.” The
floor walker said he was sorry, but, etc. Mr.
Little was determined to have that umbrella
charged and take it away with him besides.
argued, threatened, pleaded. ’Twas all in
vain.
Suddenly be made a frantic grab at his vest,
ripped open the button, fumbled wildly for an
instant, aud then exhibited an embroidered
bit of linen.
“There!” said he, “Do you ’spose I’d be
wearing O. Little's shirt if I wasn't O. Little?”
“That goes,” said the floor-walker.
He Thought Only of His Family.
The road was uneven and there were numer
ous sharp curves, says the Chicago Tribune ,
and as the train was running at a high rate of
speed it was anything but comfortable for the
passengers, Sometimes it actually seemed as
though all the wheels on one side of the Pull
i man were off the rail at once.
This didn’t serve to put any of the passengers
at ease, but it seemed to have a particularly
bad effect on a little old fellow near the middle
of the car. He grew more and more nervous
with every jerk of the car, and finally called
the porter to him.
“How soon will we reach a place where I can
send a dispatch?” he asked.
“ Bout ten minutes, sail,” was the reply.
“All right. Bring me a telegraph blank.”
It was brought and he hasrily scribbled the
following message to a New York brokor:
“Sell all my stock in X. and Z. road at once
and at any price you can get.”
“You don t seem to have much confidence in
the road,” said the man in the next seat, who
had read the dispatch over the little man's
shoulder.
“I haven't,” was the terse reply.
“You don't think it has much of a future, ap
parently?”
"Future be hanged!” returned the little man.
“I was thinking ot the present and my family.”
“Your family!” exclaimed tne stranger.
“What has your family got to do with it:”
‘"Everything, my friend, everytning.” ex
plained the little man, “ani if you were any
thlnrof a financier you’d see it. I've got to
ride 300 miles on this road yet, and how would
it look for my family to sue the road for dam
ages that if secured would practically come
out of my estate? No. sir. I'll allow this dis
patch twenty minutes to reach New York and
I'll allow the broker twenty-five minutes to dis
pose of the stock. If this blamed car keeps the
rads for forty-five minutes more someone else
will he stuck for and images if I climb the golden
stairs And If she holds the rails for the whole
800 miles I can buy the stock back if I want it
and go hack by another road.”
Forgetful of the Ring.
Forgetful bridegrooms have been reduced to
great straits. In one instance a leather ring
had, says the Jeweler* Revievi, on the spur of
the moment, to be cut from a piece of kid of
the bride's glove. A tragic story of a forgotten
wedding ring is told in the "Lives of the Lind
says."
When he should have been at church Colin
Lindsay, the young Earl of Baloarres, was
quietly eating ills breakfast in nightgown and
slippers. When reminded that Mauritia of
Nassau was waiting for him at the altar he hur
ried to churoh. but forgot the ring A friend
present gave him one, wl ich he. without look
ing, placid upon the bride's Anger.
After the ceremony was over the countess
glanced at her hand and beheld a grinning
death's bead on her rinj. Sue fainted away
and the omen made such an impression on her
that on recovering she declared that she was
destined to die withm a year, a presentiment
that probably brought about its own fulfillment,
for in a few months the careless Colin was a
widower.
Memory.
THOMAS BAILEY ALDHICH.
My mind lets go a thousand things.
Like dates ot wars and deaths of kings,
And yet recalls cue very hour—
’Twas noon on yonder village tower,
And on the last blue noon of May
The wind caine briskly up this way,
Crisping the brook beside the road;
Then, pausing here, set down its load,
Of pine scents and shook listlessly
Two petals from that wild rose tree
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ITEMS OP INTEREST.
A tailless shirt is the very latest novelty,
and the Lowell Xeus hails it with joy. “No
one has ever yet,” it declares, “been able to
discover any practical use for the appendage
with which the garment has long been bur
dened. The rail does not make the shirt.
The shirt will continue to be a shirt without
the tail, and practically speaking, the average
man does not know what he wants of shirt
tails any more than he knows what he wants
of buttons on the back of his coat. The fact
is man has grown up in the habit of wearing
those useless things aud they hang on. There
is no reason why they should not be cast off
and the shirt made more utilitarian.”
At bating, the negro, having always first
washed his han<ls and rinsed his mouth, sits
upon the ground, holds the larger pieces be
tween his teeth while he cuts off a bite with his
knife, but does not use both hands to hold food,
except in gnawing bones. With the usual dishes,
says the Popular Science Monthly, he lays his
ruht arm over his knees, and reaching into the
pot, moulds the thick mess into lumps about the
si/e of a walnut, which he throws into his mouth
with a jerk without scattering any of the food.
To take oat vegetables or soup he presses
a hollow into the lumps and dips
with it. Politeness is shown to the host or the
housewife after eating by smacking loudly
enough to be heard. While the negro is capa
ble of eatmg meat in an unpleasant state of de
composition, he is very sensitive against some
tastes, and will make evident manifestations of
bis dislike of them. He is careful about the
outer matters in drinking. He will always
rinse his mouth first, even when he is intensely
thirsty. If the cup is not too small, ho takes it
in both hands, ana he likes to Bit down with it.
If the vessel is large and open, he draws in the
water from the surface with his lips, without
bringing them in ooutact with the dish.
Sometimes negroes pour water into
their mouths. When drinking at ponds
and rivers the water is carried to the
mouth witn the hand. For some mystic reason
it m considered bad to lie flat down when drink
ing from rivers. The fear of being snapped up
by a crocodile may have something to do with
the matter. Great attention is given in most of
the tribes to the care of the body. Tke teeth
are cleansed with a stick which has been
chewed into a kind of brush. The hands are
washed frequently, not by turning and twisting
and rubbing them together, one within the
other, ns with us, but by a straight up-and
down rubbing, such as is given to the other
limbs. This manner of wasoing is so character
istic that an African might be distinguished by
it from a European without reference to the
color. The sun is their only towel.
There is oue woman in the state of Washing
ton who proposes to find out from the United
States supreme court whether or no the suffrage
can be granted by a territory and then taken
away in the process of changing that territory
to a state. Mrs Nevada M. Bloomer had always
voted since she became eligible at Spokane until
the spring election of 1888, when the judges of
election refused her ballot and denied her right
to the franchise. Mrs. Bloomer immediately
brought suit in the state courts for SSOO damaee
to atone for this refusal and to establish her
right to vote; but the state courts
all decided against her on the ground
that under the state law women could not
vote. The courts refused to admit the right of
the territory to bind the state in advance in
such a manner, and affirmed ttiat rights and
privileges under territorial law expired with
that law. Mrs. Bloomer admits that this rule
may apply quite generally, but denies that it
applies to suffrage, which is an inalienable
right of which the individual is not to be de
prived except by some neglect or offense of her
own. To this the defense replies that Mrs.
Bloomer never had any right to vote in the
state of Washington, ana therefore the re
fusal of the judges deprives her of no
right, and Mrs. Bloomer replies that she did
have the right of suffrage in the state and
exercised it without hindrance until April, 1888.
The supreme court will hear the arguments in
October. Some 2,000 or more other women
who voted and tried to vote are interested, as
well as the judges of elections who have
each at stake. Gov. Ferry, too, it is said, will be
glad to know the result of this suit, for he is in
doubt as to the effect the reversal
of the decision of the state courts
would have upon the state government. If
Mrs. Bloomer and her sisters were improperly
denied the privilege of voting the fear is that the
whole election would be vitiated and any one
could, by quo-warrnuto proceedings, turn the
occupants of the state officers out at once. This
would mean also the illegality of all the official
acts performe t and the invalidity of all the laws
passed by the legislature chosen at such illegal
election, and so confusion worse confounded
would rule.
Nearly everybody has been to foney
Island. One large section is given over to cheap
variety and museum shows, to which admission
is free, says the Milwaukee .Sen tinel, with the
exception that the visitor will buy a glass of
beer. F.ach booth nas one or more “rooters” or
runners, who are as frantic and pressing as the
Baxter street runners. The tooters scream like
maniacs. “The best show on the island!” “The
biggest glass of beer on the island!” and with
fifty such cr.es going at once, in the shrillest of
voices,;and accompanied by the insanest wav
mg of arms, the visitor loses his head and fan
cies he is in the violent ward of a lunatic asy
lum. He leaves the place dazed or
hysterical, as though he had been
through a dynamite e\plosion. The
central idea of the new journalism of New
Y T ork. represented entirely by tne new journals,
was stolen from (Jouey Island. It is there that
Mr. Pulitzer got liis inspiration. Hysterias
noisi*. blow, frenzy. “I’m the Dandy Jim of
newspapers; Hooray!” “Got another sub
scriber; Whoop!” “This way, ger.ts. the only
real, live, whoop-'er up newspaper in the
world”’ “Biggest headlines ever made—yah!
yah! yah !” * Fin the only brainy editor and the
only honest, fearless friend of the people-look
at ine And when Mr. Pulitzer said he had
some new subscribers, he had booms fired in
twelve different cities. The newspapers them
selves are just as hysterical as the cries. The
headlines, grown too large for a single line,
scream They are like the shriek of
the fire tug, and seem to say: “Stop all busi
nes*; quit your petty concerns; put off
dying unt 1 you have read this most astound
***/• soul narrowin,, unparalleled piece of
news When it is read, it is found that an;
Italian rag picker was kicked by a sausage
peddler for making love to the female of his
k.ml It seems to pay, for the moment. It is
not surprising that as the originator shouted
from day to day that he was driving all other
newspapers from the news stands, that another
hysterical journal now shouts from day to day
that it is driving the original convulsion sheet
fr>m the new- stands. The nearest metropolitan
journal that faa fits, cifltivates that immodesty
that is characteristic of the original organ of
delirium tremens. Doubtless there are people
who are over-fond of pepper and other spices,
aud who read only to have their emotions
plowed and harrowed, but to have an
hysterical feast seven days in the
week is excessive. That sort of thing can't last.
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