Newspaper Page Text
4
CljcfflarwmgHctos
Morning News Building Savannah, Ga.
FRIDAY, AUGUST 2S, 1801~
Registered at the Postoffice in Savannah.
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INDEX TO NEwTdVKBIISEMKNTS.
Meeting—K. of P. Club.
Special Notices—Notice to the Public, The
Oorrie Ice Manufacturing Company; At Home,
Dr. J. Weichse.baura; An Elegant Lot, C. H.
Dorsett, Real Estate Dealer; Rieebirds on Toast,
Etc., at Fried 4 HicKs’ Restaurant; Savannah
Savings Bank.
Military Orders—Order No. 55, Battalion
Savannah Volunteer Guards; Order No. 38,
Oeorgia Hussars; Order No. 15, Republican
Blues; Order No. 19, Savannah Cadets.
Steamship Schedules Ocean Steamship
Company: Baltimore Steamers.
We Do as We Advertise—B. H. Levy 4
ißro.
Foitnd—The D. B. lister Grocery Company.
, Auction Sales—Sundries, by J. McLaughlin
1& Son.
Amusements-Base Bali, Cbathams vs. Mu
tuals. This Afternoon.
Cheap Column advertisements—Hein Want
ei; Baploytnent Waitsi; For Rant; For Sale;
Lost; Personal. Mlaoeilaneous.
Pensions have lately increased to so
enormous an extent that a patent calculating
machine is required to couut up the amount.
Ho the pension bureau has at last come to be
avowedly conducted by a calculating ma~
•bin*.
While Mexico is suffering for rain Rag
land and Frauce are losing a great deal of
their unusually short grain crops by reason
of excessive rains. This shows the necessity
for the great American rain regulator re
cently invented.
Australia has discovered that the giant
latrkspur and castor oil plants will destroy
locusts if they eat them, and that they are
very fond of both. Eating the oastor oil
plant will certainly make them very sick if
if doesn't kill them.
It seems an outrage that two commercial
houses should he allowed to imbroil a whole
nation in the way Flint and Grace are said
to have done Chile through their mutual
man Pat Egan, who is supposed to repre
sent this country there.
Turbulence seems to prevail so generally
down in Central America as to affeot even
the sea. Two New Orleans steamers have
lately been wrecked off that coast while
trying to convey fruit to New York. They
certainly need settlers in that country.
Murderer Aimy is playing a short sum
mer engagement as the star attraction of
New Hampshire. Apparently he is doing
the emotional parts with fine effect upon
his large audience. But it is really comical
to see how nervously afraid of him the
people are.
Famine seems to have taken complete
possession of the Mexican state of Chi
huahua. Long continued drought is the
chief cause. But the President of Mexico
has adopted the sensible course of suspend
ing customs dntiea in order to facilitate the
importation of food.
Running the allianoe seems to involve
some fighting in North Carolina. Chal
lenges involving President Polk and certain
Tar Heel editors are said to be fairly burden
ing the atmosphere there. From present
appearances Col. Polk has enough hostili
ties on hand to last him all the fall.
Wearing a heavy fur overcoat on a hot
August afternoon attracted so much atten
tion to a fresh arrival in New York that
customs inspectors took hold of his fine gar
ment and made the owner pay full duty on
its valuable contents. So stupid a smug
gler certainly deserved to be caught.
Locusts are said to be literally creating a
famine in the mountainous Ural provinces
of Russia, where the hardy Kirghese live
away up almost beyond the reach of aid.
Owing to the lack of railway facilities
all attempts to befriend the sufferers are
confronted with the greatest difficulties.
Import duties iu Brazil are hereafter to
be collected iu gold, and the minister of
finance has forbidden tbe sale of gold at
Brazilian custom houses. By that means
the government probably expects to in
crease the volume of gold held within that
country. But it may not prove satisfac
tory.
Womanly inconsistency has been rather
painfully exemplified by a Pennsylvania
mother at Chester, who left her infant to
suffer alone locked up without food or
water while she went off to sing hymns at a
neighboring camp meeting. That sort of
Christianity does not appear altogether
sincere.
North Carolina's Newspaper War.
The bitterest kind of war is being "aged
between the Sews and Observer and the
Progressive Farmer of P.aleigh, N. C. The
Sews and Observer is edited by Messrs.
Ashe aud Jernigan and the Progressive
Farmer by Mr. Polk, president of tbe na
tional alliance, and J. L K nosey. The
war Is of a personal character, and there is
a probability that it will not stop at words.
President Polk’s paper recently contained
an illustration which seemed to justify the
conclusion that he was endeavoring to load
alhaneemen into the Peoples tarty, and in
the same issue of the paper the editors of
the Sews and Observer were charged with
wilfully attempting to deceive the farmers.
In reply the Sews and Observer applied to
I President Polk, and also to Editor Ramsey,
epithet! of the most galling kind.
No good will come of this sort of
newspaper war. It will serve only to bring
abont a bad feeling between the friends of
President Polk and those of the oditor of
the Sews and Observer. It will not con
vince anybody that the editors of the .Veins
and Observer are trying to deceive tho
farmers nor make anybody believe that
President Polk is a bad man.
Whether President Polk is sincere or not
is a question that time alone can determine
to the satisfaction of .the public. There is
no doubt that the course he is pursuing is a
mistaken ouo, and is calculated to do an
immense amount of harm. There is not
much room for doubting that his purpose
is to lead the alliance into the People’s
party. The tendency of his North Carolina
paper and his talk in interviews is in that
direction. He may come to the conclusion,
however, that ha cannot get southern al
liancemen to leave tho Democratic party.
In that event he will hesitate to take the
final step which would sever his connection
with tho Democratic party and make him a
member of the People’s party.
But to abuse him will accomplish no good
purpose. It will only strengthen hint with
those who are in sympathy with him. And,
besides, it is unjust to abuse a man unless
there is absolute proof that his conduct has
been, or is, such as to make him unworthy
of the recognition of self-respecting people.
There is no doubt that the great majority
of aliiancemen are sincere in believing that
the political doctrines of the alliance would,
if adopted, be productive of general good.
And they have a right to pin their faith to
those doctrines. It is the privilege as well
as the duty of those who differ with them
to show them they are mistaken. If they
cannot be convinced by argument that they
are wrong they cannot be driven from their
position t y abuse.
The Morning News has all along con
tended that the sub-treasury plan, if
adopted, would do a great deal of barm
and would not benefit anybody. Asa rule
aliiancemen have not studied it carefully,
and, hence, know comparatively little
about it. Somebody suggested it at the
St. Louis convention of aliiancemen two
years ago, and the alliance loaders have
told their followers that it was the one
thing needful to bring them unbounded
prosperity. They have aoeapted this asser
tion without question. And they continue
to believe It is true because thoy are urged
to do so by those whom they have chosen
to lead them. And these leaders under
stand that the alliance would cease to be a
power in politics if they should abandon
the sub-treasury plan, and that their occu
pation would be gone.
Aliiancemen can be convinced, however,
that the sub-treasury plan is a contrivance
of demagogues, and is intended to mislead
them. To a very large extent they have
been so convinced in Mississippi, w here tho
plan has been subjected to a very thorough
discussion, and alliancemeu of this mid
other states can be so convinced. And
they will bo convinced, eventually—by ar
gument, not by abuse of their leaders.
If their leaders are dishonest, or if they
are guilty of wrong doing, it is right and
proper that charges should be made against
them and proof of the charges furnished.
There may be leaders who are powerful
enough to prevent any investigation of
their conduct, but they cannot pursue a
crooked course long without being found
out, coudemned and repudiated.
Another Pension Scheme.
How numerous are the schemes to make
the government truly paternal 1 If the al
lianoe could have its way the government
would own all the railroad and telegraph
lines, and would establish warehouses in
which farmers might store their crops,
thus avoiding the necessity for building
barns and graneries for themselves.
And a man named Vaughn,out in Omaha,
wants all the ex-slave? provided with pen
sions. His scheme waft'd require an ex
penditure of a vast sum annually. Al
ready the government pays in pensions to
ex-soldiers about $130,00:),000 a year, and
will soon be paying $150,000,000.
And there is a schema on foot to get the
present congress to retire government
clerks on three-fourths pay after thirty
years’ service. It would not be surprising
if the soheme should succeed. But why it
should, is not easy to see.
Government clerks are as well paid as
any other class of workers of equal intelli
gence. And they are not compelled to stay
in the government service. In fact, they
wouldn’t stay there if they could earn more
elsewhere. There is just as much reason
why the government should take care of a
mechanic or a field hand after he has
worked thirty years as there is that it
should take care of a clerk in its serrice.
The fact is, the people are already too heav
ily burdened with taxes. Pensioning freed
men and government clerks might be the
feather that would break the camel’s back.
But if the government oonsents to build
warehouses for farmers it may be induced
to lake care of its clerks in their old age.
As usual in such cases nobody is to blame
for the great Park place catastrophe in
New York. Everybody in authority has
already begun to vigorously dodge all re
sponsibility before being accused of any
share in it. Apparently the authorities of
Gotham are much more alert iu evading
the consequences than they are in averting
disaster.
According to a current statement, for
which the Canadian Journal of Commerce
is responsible, “a floating lobster cannery
now operates off the coast of Newfound
land, which never refuses to “move on”
when the French authorities coinplaiu.
Those yankee fishermen are pretty hard to
down at a money-getting operation.
By way of establishing his prestige the
president of Nicaragua has killed off fifty
citizens as a sort of earnest of good faith.
Not necessarily for publication. To demon
strate this he included one prominent editor
in the batch. Establishing anew adminis
tration in Central America seems to Involve
a great deal of activity and work.
THE MORNING NEWS: FRIDAY, AUGUST 28, 1891.
Dynamite and Harbor Bars.
Tho success which has attended tho ex
periments with dynamite in deepening the
water on the bar at the mouth of the harbor
of Brunswick hat excited a good deal of in
terest at Fernandina and Jacksonville. The
diver who conducted the dynamite experi
ments at Brunswick has gone to Fernaadiaa
to make eEperiments on the bar at that
place, and he may be invited to make ex
periments on the Jacksonville bar. It
is a question, however, whether tbe
bar at the mouth of the harbor
, f the latter place could be affected
beneficially with dynamite. It is a sand
bar, and a shifting one. The material re
moved by means of dynamite, therefore,
would bo quickly replaoed. And, besides,
tho bar is sometimes in one place aud
sometimes in another. It would seem, there
fore, at if Jacksonville would have to de
pend upon jetties.
The Brunswick and Fernandina ban are
composed of clay and sholls. They are hard
and permanent, and it is not a very diffloult
matter to cut channels through them. But
would channels cut through them remain
open ? That is a question that is yet to be
determined. The experiments which have
beeu made on the Brunswick bar have in
creased the depth of water thereabout three
feet. It is probable that before the experi
ments are renewed there will be a delay of
a month or two for the purpose of determin
ing whether the newly made channel will
become filled up by deposits. In times past
the bar has been deepened by machines
which out down its crest, but the improve
ment thus effected was not permanent. In
view of the fact that the channel opened by
dynamite is narrower than the ones made
by other means there may be a current
through it of sufficient strength to keep it
open permanently.
A correspondent of the Times-Union
calls attention to the fact that tho use of
explosives in deepening water on bars was
suggested more than twenty years ago by
Prof. Holmes of Charleston. In communi
cations to the Charleston Chamber of Com
merce he advocated the blasting of a eban
nel through the bar which obstructs the
entrance to the harbor of that city. His
suggestions were not aoted upon, however.
Why it was not does not appear. Doubt
less the engineers who were consulted about
it did not regard it with favor. But if the
improvement at Brunswick should prove to
be a permanent one, dynamite may be used
at Charleston, and that city will have cause
to regret that so little attention was paid to
the suggestion of Prof. Holmes.
As already stated, Jacksonville is not so
deeply interested as some other South At
lantic coast cities in the experiments with
dynamite. The improvement she wants at
present is deeper water iD her river. She
has already about twenty feet on her bar,
but oulv about thirteen in her river. And
the material that must be removed from the
river to give her a deeper channel is of a
kind that dynamite would not have much
effect upon. It looks very much as if she
would have to continue to depend upon
jetties and dredging machines.
Bupt. Porter’s Census.
Mr. Porter, the superintendent of the
census, has spent nearly $8,000,000 iu oen
sus work, and a vast sum will be required
to complete the job. And, judging from
| the newspaper oriticisms, the census Is far
from being a satisfactory one. It is full of
mistakes, or, at least, it is alleged to be,
and there will be great hesitation in using
the information wbioh it furnishes.
When the returns of population of cities
were published they were attacked in many
parts of the country. New York, in par
ticular, declared that her uuumerati in was
at least 200,000 short.
Tho other day the assessed wealth of dif
ferent states was published. It appears
from the returns that tbe wealth of Illinois
in the last ten years has declined over $59,-
000,000. There are very few people who
will believe that Illinois is not as rich as
she was a decade ago. Her chief city, Chi
cago, has grown marvolously, and all her
other cities have had a very considerable
increase in wealth and population. And
what makes the alleged decrease in Illinois’
wealth appear to be all tho more remark
able is the increase in the wealth of In
diana, an adjacent state.of over $55,000,000.
To all appearances Illinois has enjoyed as
great prosperity as Indiana within tbe last
ten years. The only reasonable conclusion
is that the census returns with respect to
Illinois are incorrect.
And the returns make it appear that
South Carolina has moved backward in
stead of forward. The News and Courier
shows, however, that that state has made
an immeuse stride forward in material pros
perity.
It is expected that mistakes will be made
by those who gather information for the
census, but such glaring mistakes as some
which have been pointed out are inexcusa
ble. Supt. Porter’s newspaper friends have
attempted to defend him when be has been
attacked, but they have had so little to go
upon in most cases that what they have
said has only confirmed the popular impres
sion that the census is far from being what
it should be.
Generally it is the widow who makes love
frankly and vigorously, and usually get*
the better of the bargain iu case of ultimate
disenchantment. Recently a Chicago
widow gave her accepted lover a diamond
ring valued at SIOO. But when she saw a
quarrel inevitible she took off the bauble
ostensibly to look at it and then had the man
thrown out by her father and her brother.
If that woman is not a bouucer she at least
keeps the family bouncer alarmingly handy.
There is in Pennsylvania an editor who
bears the significant name of H. C. Dern.
When bis chipper contemporaries fall to
calling him a Hard Country Dern, or words
to that effect, he will probably flare up.
Yet nobody can say that nature did not
give a Dern when he was born. When a
man has to begin the world with such a
Dern peculiar name as that he starts life
heavily handicapped.
Usurper Bulkeley is said to be so tired of
bis job that he is about to unbolt the doors
and lot in the democrats who belong at the
Connecticut capital. Even his own party
is now turning against him, since the ex
citement of political strife is past. Very
likely it was chiefly the necessity for pay
ing that $50,000 bill for tbe state troops
encampment that made Bulkeley tired.
English liberals propose to abolish the
House of Lords altogether, at which the
imposiug nobles are literally aghast. They
can’t understand how the country could get
along without them.
Naval vessels arc having no little trouble
in kteping sealing schooners out of the Ber
ing sea fisheries. They do not seem to be
much afraid of the warships of Britain and
Uncle Sam.
FEHBOMAL.
EilSpJiator Ingalls of Kansas will sa l to
rn orrAr for Rotterdam m.dfcc steamer Veen
dsuD."-& 7 .<
Youas J. G. Blume is getting the reputa
tion of befog one of the dressed men in
Washington.
Henri liocMWoRT, wh tuts recently been
interviewed in I-nndoo, is said L> be the jolliest
exile in the world.
In the year ’.819 there were bom in this coun
try Jat fee Russell LowelL Charles A. Dana,
Walt Whitman, Dr. flol'anor and Julia Ward
Ho*j'-Khat is the birtbjear otljueen Victoria
also
Obviously the Houle f aerify is a popular one
in TeOoetses. where young Hook has just been
eleeted Jo congress by a majority of 9.000 votes,
to suece&d'ids father the Ute Leonidas Caesar
Hou l)ri->
The little King or Snd not know bis
letters V**, and all mental education has been
forbidden him. He is so fragile and puny physi
rally that the slightest exertion of the mind
fatigues him.
Miss Helen Close, a full-blooded Indian of
tbe Hlaokfoot tribe, has beeu appointed by Sec
retory Noble special allotting agent, and has
begun her work in allotting lands to the Tonka
was. on the Nez Perces reservation.
Rudyard Kipliso. whose plans of travel seem
to be constantly changing, is now likely to sail
for New Zealand immediately, and it is among
the latest possibilities of his trip that ho will
pay a fly ing visit to Mr. Stevenson at Samoa.
The Countess of Caithness, the new high
priestess of theosophy, is the exact antithesis
of her predecessor, Blavatsky Her figure is
slender, her manners elegaut and her tastes re
fined. She dresses in great taste. Her only
resemblance to Blavatsky lies in her fondness
for diamonds, but that la a pardonable womanly
weakness.
The president and moving spirit of the Amer
ican Society for Psychical Research. which has
for its object the scientific investigation of
ghosts, is B. O. Flower, editor of the Arena.
Although a practical and hard-headed young
editor, ne posses a gr 'at liking for the uncanay,
aud his investigati. ms into the realm of the un
knowable are already bearing fruit.
A London letter says: “The devotion of Miss
Shepard, who laid her jewelry on the “Altar of
the Lord” at Saratoga, was surpassed a short
lime ago by the Duchess Eugene Litta Ho
lognine in Milan To express her complete
abandonment of the pomp and vanities of the
world, tbe duchess sold her wonderful gems
for $600,000 and gave the money to her priest,
with instructions to erect with it a hospital for
little children
It.is said that Joseph Pulitzer is dangerously
ill in Europe with nervous prostration. He has
been cruising along th*< coast of the north of
Europe this summer in his private steam yacht,
but was obliged to desert It and send it home
two weeks ago, while he sub
mitted himself to treatment of his
disorder by the best physicians of London,
Berlin and Paris, who were called into consulta
tlon on his case.
BRIGHT BITS.
“Wanted—A man and bis wife as otre-tskers
for a gentleman s country house. One must be
syber.”— Derry ( Ireland ) Sentinel.
Sufficient unto the day is the evil thereof;
but the day, it would aesm, us not sufficient unto
the evil, which is very likely to lap far over into
the night.— Puck.
Pahrot—Who is that very dignifie 1-looklng
geutleman yonder' He has an air that would
abash a police captain.
Wiggins—Just so. He’s an inspector of po
lice.—7*ucfc,
She—Now, I want to wear the engagement
ring at the next hop. please be sure you get it
on time.
He—O, they have already told me they would
let me have it on time. —Life.
Dick—They say Miss Planeface has met with
a serious accident. Her horse ran away with
her.
William-Run away with that woman! That
horse must be a donkey .—Boston Transcript.
Muluoatawnev Supe—l shall never play
Hamlet again.
Hamfatta J. Rialto—W’hy not?
Mulligatawney Suite—My professional pride
will not permit. Even the gas went out last
night.—Due*.
A Stationary Conversation.—“ You have so
much address I can hardly be expected to com
pete with you,” said the letter to the envelope.
‘ Now, don’t get excited.” replied the en
velope, “because you know you can't contain
yourself ßrooklyn Life.
A little while ago a watorpipe burst in
Windsor Castle and flooded the queen s dining
room, and now about the same thing has hap
pened in the white house at Washington. This
eternal aping of the English is going to get this
country into trouble if we don’t watch out.—
Detroit Free Press.
Loving Wife—You have no idea how well
Mrs. Spenditall looks in her new bonnet, dear.
Thoughtful Husband—She does not look half
as well in it as you do in yaur old one.
By this simple but neat remark the “thought
ful husband” was enabled to go to the races
and lose S3O with the comfortable belief that he
had quit even. — Life.
“Wise men hesitate; only fools are certain,”
remarked a Montcalm street man to his wifi a
few evenings ago when she was arguing a point
with him.
“I don’t know about that,” she said testily
“Well, lam certain of it,” he replied so em
phatically that she laughed in his face, and be
lias been wondering ever since what she
thought was so funny about it.— Detroit Free
Press.
Hostettkr McGinnis lias been paying his ad
dresses for some time past to Miss Eemerelda
Longcoffln She had not given him the
slightest encouragement, and he was about to
commit suicide when she threw him into a
spasm of delight by asking him if he would do
her the favor of giving her his photograph. He
happened to have one with him, and be begged
her to accept it, saying that it was the happiest
moment of his life, etc. As soon as he was gone
the young lady called her servant, and giving
her tbe photograph, said:
“Whenever anybody that looks like that
comes to tho door tell him I’m not at home.”—
Texas Siftings.
George IV. asked Dr. Gregory what was the
longest sederunt after dinner that he had ever
heard of on credible authority. The doctor
answered: "The longest I know of was at the
house of a learned Scottish judge. Lord Newton.
A gentleman called at his house in York Place,
Edinburgh, at a late hour, and was informed
that his lordship was at dinner. Next dtv the
same gentleman called at an early hour, and be
ing again informed that the judge was at din
ner, expressed surprise that the dinner of that
day should be so much earlier than the dinner
of the day before. ‘lt is the very same din
ner,’replied the servant ’His lordship has
not yet risen from the table,’ "—London Law
Journal.
CURRENT COMMENT.
An Adtquate Apology for Absence.
From toe Hartford Times (Dem.).
Lieut. Ru.jon of th Alpine ohasseurs. says a
Swiss dispatch, fell from an Alpine bight a dis
tance of 1,500 feet-striking then on the rocki
and being crushed into a shapeless mast.
Indications of Inslncsrity.
From the Cincinnati Enquirer (Dem i.
Information has not reached us that the cor
ner stone of the new Hail and Eiprrts build
ing, which was laid in New York city yesterday,
had a quotation from the Scriptures indented
upon its front face.
Billy Is Still Attending to Business.
From the Brooklyn Eagle (Dern.).
Ex Boss Billy 51 ah one of Virginia remains
incorrigible. His motto still is “Wherever you
see a democratic head hit it " Although he
hasco.ised to be much of a hitter himself he
diffuse, enough Manonolvm among his follow
ers to keep the flies from settling upon his po
litical opp merits.””
Crafty, but Somewhat Cautious.
From the New Evening Post i/nd 1.
The alliance will hp ’done up" very soon if
the writer of the roHOWing letter gets a satis
factory sum of rnouey. The letter was received
in this city yesterday The name aud address
of tbe writer are suppressed solely at his own
desire;
——— , Alabama
Aug 12. 1891.
to the gentlemen of Wall St as I belong to
the alliance and as they are taking steps in the
mtig darectioo I am writing to expose thorn in
all (heir Steps and secrets by so doing it can he
busted at ,mc if you want to kno this Meat
nielti Montgomery. Ala. ami bring as menny
men with you as you please you wi.l have to
p*C.' me a right Smart s mi of Money wrieht me
BJw omen you will Pay. in order th it I may
kuo you all attar (getting in Montgomery wrigbt
No 11 on a peaje of’paper and stick it under
your bat Rand so as It caD be seen and Remaiu
at Union Dep till I come in on Western car Gen
tlemen dont Give me away or use my name in
any Publick way.
Congressman Mason’s Story.
Congressman Mason of Illinois told a story
the other Jay of a somewhat remarkable ex
perience he bad not long ago on a one horse
railway in the west.
"There was only one passenger car,’’ he said,
"and it was full- So was the conductor. At
all events I thought so from the way he ad
dressed me concernine a valise hy my side
•“Take that thing into the baggage car" he
remarked very peremptorily.
"I looked at him somewhat surprised, and
without making any response.
" ‘Do you hear what I say*’ he demanded.
"Yes, Ido,’ I answered.
“He went away to collect some tickets.
When he came back some ten minutes later he
looked angry.
“ I thought I told you to take that valise into
the baggage car,’ he yelled.
" 1 heard you,' I responded, mildly,
“ ’Then why haven't you done it*’
“ ’Because I don’t propose to.’
“ ‘You don’t, eh*’
“ ‘Vo, I do not.’
“ ‘The you ray" he roared. ‘l’d have
you know that I’m the boss of this tram, and I
don’t put up with impudence from no dudes
You snake that bag out of here, or i’ll chuck it
through the window in just fwo minutes ’
"At that moment we slowed up. approaching
a station, and the conductor went out on the
platform. More passengers got aboard, an 1
when he came back several persons were
standing up in the aisle, I juft sat still, won
dering to have been called a dude for the first
time in ray life.
" ’What! shouted the ticket nuncher upoD his
return. ‘You won’t pay auy attention to what
I -a v. eh? Well, here goes!’
"With that he picked up the valise and threw
it out of the car window. We were going at the
rate of about fifteen miles an hour at the time.
1 said nothing, and a quarter of an hour later
be came through again and spoke to me. Evi
dently he had been reflecting that possibly he
had exceeded his authority.
" ‘I wouldn't have done it,’ he sa'd. half
apologetically, ‘only you riled me, and dis
cipline’s gotter be maintained on board a train.’
“ ‘O, that’s all right,’ I replied, with entire
composure.
“ ‘Weil, what are you going to do about it?’
he asked.
" About what?’
‘“Why, the bag.’
‘“Oh, nothing,’ I said.
“ 'But weren't its contents valuable*'
*' ’I don’t know, I’m sure,’ I responded.
" 'You don’t know?’
" ‘No,’ 1 said. ’lt wasn’t my valise.’
"My dear boy, you never saw a man so to
tally flabbergasted as that conductor was in ail
your born days. I got off at the next station,
and I haven’t the slightest idea how he man
aged to fix things up with the owner of the
bag, who had left it on the seat beside me while
he went into the baggage car to smoke.
An Episode.
"Horrible, horrible!" cried the obituary ed
itor of the Pittsburg Chronicle , dropping into
his chair.
"What's horrible?" asked the humorist man.
"What’s the mat er?"
"Matter:” shouted the obituary editor, "mat
ter? The S’teenth National Hank has just been
forced to close its doors!”
"The S'teentb Nat -great heavens"’ cried the
humorist man, striking an F. Opper atti
tude. "Great heavens! that means beggary
for me!”
"Oh, I hope not,” condoned the obituarist, in
a violin-cello voice. “1 ain't so bad as
that ’’
"Yes, it is! All my hard saved earnings were
deposited in that bans. Mv wife will have to
take in washing " and he wept several weeps.
My children will have to go begging, and I—l
will be forced to sell 'Kreutzor Sonata’ and
fountain pens on the streets!"
"Oh, it can't be,” said the, obituary editor,
wiping his eyes on a mourning bordered hand
kerchief scented with musk. "Let us hope for
the best!’’
"It is no use, no use at all!” moaned the un
fortunate funny man, "I am ruined. But tell
me—tell me w hat caused the hank to suspend ?
Was It an unexpected run?"
"Who said the bank had suspended?" asked
the maker of angels’ wings, "who said any
thing—"
"Why. you did! You said the bank had been
forced to close its doors, didn’t you?”
"Yes. but—”
“But what?”
"The doors were closed to keep out the cold
air. Terriole draught around the corner, you
know!"
And the funny man. stifling;his tears, sat down
and wrote aSO cent joke on the subject, while
the obituary editor returned to his den and pro
ceeded to call old Skinflint, who had just died
because he was too miserly to buy himself
medicine, a "model of charity and benevo
lence."
When It Burt.
An army surgeon in the late civil war had
occasion to lance an abscess for a poor fellow
at Camp Douglas, says the Medical News, and
as the sore was obstiaate it became necessary
to use the knife twice. The operation was nrt
a very painful oue, but the paiient declared that
it had nearly killed him, and when a third re
sort to the lancet was proposed he protested
that he could uever go through the operation
alive.
The surgeon promised to make it easy for
him, and, calling up a few of the loungers, or
dered one of them to hold his hands close over
the patient's eyes and two others to grasp his
hands firmly.
"This arrangement,” explained the doctor,
“is said to prevent pain in such an operation.
Now lie perfectly quiet, and when 1 say 'Now:’
prepare yourself."
The surgeon at once began quietly with his
work and in a short time had completed the
operation without the least trouble, the patient
lying as quiet as though in sleep
When all was done the surgeon laid aside the
knife and said "Now!" Such a roar came from
the lips of the sick man as seldom is heard from
a human being. He struggled to free himself,
yelling. "O, doctor, you’re killing me!"
Shouts of laughter soon drowned his cries,
and he was told that the operation had been all
over before the signal was given. It was a good
joke, but it is doubtful if the poor fellow could
ever be made to believe that he did not feel
actual pain after the fatal "Now!"
“Good—Like You.’*
Mrs. George Archibald in Babyhood .
When I reproved my little girl
Her clear gray eyes were grieved and wet;
She owns her fault, for pardon plead,
Aud spoke some words I can't forget;
“If you were little, just like me.
Would ever you be naughty, too?
If I were all grown up.
I could be always good—like you!”
She meant it! Her sweet innocence,
Which sent so sharp and sure a dart,
Knows nothing of the wicked tno ds
That sometimes sway her mother's heart;
Wrath, envy, folly, discontent.
Tne selfish impulse— not withstood—
Those things accuse me, yet my child
Believes that I am always good.
On Sabbath days the man of God
Reproves me often, unaware;
Ashamed, I hear his earnest voice;
My own unworthy deeds declare.
And nobler lives rebuke my own;
But have ever shaft so true
As she whose loving faith declared
“I could be always good—like you!”
Beamed Like Amos.
Silas Rodes was a strong, hard-working
farmer, says the Lewiston Journal , his brother
Amos was a confirmed invalid, who three or
four times a year had spalls of expecting to die,
but, nevertheless, always managed to live, Mill
he was really ill. and many thought him to be
in considerable danger.
But while Amos was sick and expecting to
die it chanced mat the strong Silas did actua ly
die very suddenly. A messenger carried the sad
news to his sister Elvira, a grim spinster, who
lived in a distant part of the town.
She heard the message with some incredulity.
" Taint Silas, ye mean; it’s Amos.’’ she said
in reply.
“Why, no,” answered the messenger. “I
meau Silas. Amos is all right. It’s Silas that
is dead.*'
“Wal, p'r’aps it's so.” was the reluctant re
joinder. “but I wouldn't ha' b’leevad it o’ SI as;
seems a good deal more like Amos ”
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ITEMB Oy INTEREST.
Tre decorative uses of electricity were most
wonderfully shown at the recent ‘‘artistic sup
per” given at the Continental Gallery in Lon
don by Jau Van Boers. The novelty of a lumi
nous table was intro iuced. It consisted of a
Boiid slab of plate tilass. covered with a trans
parent cloth, through which shone the light
from 350 Incandescent lamps of prismatic
ct 1 >rs. These were skilfully hidden from view
and were under the control of the host, who
now and again flooded the table with dazzling
brilliancy of va led hues or suffused a gentle
glow bewihieringly beautiful.
A contributor to the New York Recorder
writes this paragraph about Bismarck's family:
Countess Kantzau, the chancellor's only
daughter, is likewise a member of the party at
Kissingen. Both in stature and in numerous
traits of character, especially that of economy,
she much resembles her mother. Like the lat
ter, she has feet that are considerably above the
average size and which were a subject of much
merriment to the Empress Eugenie and to the
ladies of the French court during the summer
which Bismarck s wife and daughter spent at
Biarritz during the reign of Napoleon 111.
Neither Mine. Bismarck nor her daughter was
blind to the ill concealed ridicule to which they
they were subjected, and in ismuch as the ex
chancellor has never been known to forget or
forgive an insult or an injury, it is quite proba
ble that the abnormal of the feet of his
wife and daughter contributed their fair share
to bring about th< war of 1870.
There is a pretty story told of the ingenuity
of the German Empress Augusta, the dowager
empress who died a year or so fig >. Almost at
the time when fate allowed her to exchange
the title of Queen of Prussia for the grander
sounding oue of German empress, Augusta met
with an accident at liad- n Baden, which was so
severe that she never recovered from its effects.
A year of suffering changed her from a bright,
buoyant wornau to a haggard old creature who
was but a shadow of her former self. At public
ceremonials, or when foreign sovereigns passed
through Berlin, the empress pulled herseir to
gether and braced up for the ordeal sufficiently
to make a fairly good public showing. Seated
in a bath chair, buried under heavy robes of
rich laces, she would endeavor to smilo after
t:e old fashion aud trv to speak a few
gracious words, although her voice was broken
and her speech scarcely able to be distiaguiohed.
She soon found that when driving in her public
carnage sbe could not bow to the multitude as
she iiad been wont to do, and it was a source of
great grief to think that she must soon give up
this expected courtesy. An idea occurred to
her. She had an ingenious mechanism applied
to her carriage which could b manipulated by
the lady in waiting. Whenever Augusta saw
that it was time for her to bow she would give
the signal to the lady in waiting, who would
place her foot upon a certain crank, by means
of which an artificial iuclination was imparted
to the figure of the empress. Tho ordeal- for
ordeal it was-was an extiemely painful one,
hut by its means Augusta managed for a year
or more to keep up public appearance.
In the Now York Sunday Sun's cable letter
from Lhndon, writes a correspondent, there was
no more interesting paragraph than this:
“Marcus Mayer took a party of Americans from
Londou to t raig y Nos by special saloon car
riages, and lost his money at poker going and
returning. He won a bet on Patti's age, how
ever, that more than made up his losses. An
English journalist offered to wager that the
songstress’ age was nearer 50 than 45, and
Mayer took him up. The result was that the
two stole out of the theater between the first
act of ‘Traviata' and the garden scene of
‘Faust’ on Wednesday night on a still hunt for
the iaudly Bible. The book was discovered in
the boudoir just off the grand dining saloon of
the castle, and in it was found recorded Mine.
Patti’s birth on Feb 18. 1847.“ Tbe
doings and the sayings of that pict
uresque traveler. Marcus Mayer, are always
fraught with unique interest. But, all the
same, he has—perhaps unwittingly—buncoed
his London newspaper friend. The Englishman
won that bet. If Marcus discovered any family
Bible in Craig y Nos, it was “doctored/’ Nico
lini may have done it. He’s a sorry wav Patti
was born at 4 o'clock in the afternoon of Feb.
19, 1843, in Fuencarral street, Madrid, Spain.
There's no escaj>e from that cold fact. Don
Jose Losada, vicar of the parish of St. Louis,
Madrid, christened the babe, and the certificate
of baptism tells all who seek to know that she
is tho daughter of Satvaton Patti, professor of
music, a native of Catania, Sicily, und of Cate
ring Patti (nee Ctaiesai, a native of Home. The
child’s godparents gave her the name of Adele
Jeanne Marie, and Adele later lieca ne our
Adelina, Does Marcus want to bet against this
record?
“1 had a funny although rather disagreeable
experience not long ago,” said a New York
amateur ventriloquist and magician, who was
in great demand as a delightful adjunct to all
social gatherings, and whose audacity and fun
were incomparable. “I had a note from my
friend Mrs. B . who lives in that row of En
glish basement houses just off Fifth avenue, in
street. ‘Do come over to-morrow evening,’
she wrote; ‘the children have a party, and they
simply insist that you should come.’ ‘Dear
cnerubs,’ I remarked to myself; ‘of course I
will go, and I will make it lively for them, too.’
So on my way up town that afternoon I pur
chased a mask of a huge donkey’s head, the
big jaw of which was so arranged that by
pulling a string it emitted a life-like
and horrible bray. On arriving at the house,
about an hour after the time designated, I
threw off my overcoat in the hall, and putting
on my mask I ran upstairs. I could dimly see
through the little apertures left for the eyes
tha* a large concourse of people were assembled
in the suite of rooms at the head of the stairway,
and giving a terrific heehaw I dashed in on my
hands and knee*. A sort of unexpected hush, a
sound of startled exclamations, made me feel
instinctively that something was wrong, aud
hastily puliing off the absurd head. 1 scrambled
to my feet. Horror of horrors! I was among a
lot of utterly strange peope. who naturally re
garded me as if I had quite taken leave of my
senses. At my bewildered appearance a titter
ran around the room, and a pretty young
woman, who was evidently the mistress, came
forwar i to receive my explanations and
apologies. Of course what happened
was very evident; I had simply
mistaken the house—a very nat
ural blunder, where there are so many buildmxs
exactly alike. The servant who opened the
door thought, of course, that I was an expected
guest, so that there was nothing to show me
my mistake until that awful moment when I
found myself playing the fool in the midst of
an assembly of strangers. I can hardly remem
ber how I got through it all—the excuses, the
retreat, the rapid exit—hearing all the while
the soft, suppressed laughter that I knew
would find full vent on iny departure. Wneu I
finally reached the street I felt myself to be a
“sadder and a wiser man.” I could not have
tried my donkey antics again if I had been
paid for it, and it was not until I had regained
ray spirits after a good romp with the children
that l began to enjoy the ludicrousness of the
situation.”
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only safe remedy
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T * Sold by DruggiiU.
Price. gi.OO.
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Gikoi KKIEA.
F O TJ N D !
Every one wishes to find
something. Some want one
thing and some another, but
every housekeeper wants to
find a place where they can
buy choice groceries at rea
sonable prices. Come with
us and we will take you to
such a place.
THIS PLACE IS
D. B. LESTER GROCERY CO.’S,
21 Whitaker Street.
TUB WEATHER HASIOEFFECT
ON OUR BUSINESS.
We are still hard ah work Repairing. Faint
ing, Trimming Carriage.; Buggies and Wagons, -i
Trucks and Drays for the fall trade. Don't 1
forget to have yours put in order in time, and
not wait uutil it is too late. Send to, or ring up
NO. 4:51.
T. _A_. "W-A-IRID.
HE IS THE JIA.N.
