Newspaper Page Text
4
C|f}Tlorniiigllctos
Morning News Bui ding Savannah, Ga.
MONDAY, SEPT. It. 1891.
Requstered at the Poetaflic* in
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••Morning News," Savannah. Ga.
Transient advertisements, other than M**
eolumn. local or reading notices,
asms and cheap or want column. 10 com
line Fourtaen lines oi agate typs 1 r?
One inch space in depth is the
Mwuremwu Contract rat-* ard ''"l “ “
Made known on .ppiicati n ' business • -
~ OIK !\EW \OHK OFFICE.
Mr. J. J. Flvss, Genera! Advertising Agent
Bf the Morning Ssws. offlco 53 1 ftrk RoW '
K,e York. sAli advertising business outside of
the states of Georgia, Florida and South Care
Una iril be him.
The Morning Naws is on file at the following
nlaoeN where Advertising Kates and other In
tarnation regarding tho patter oan be obtained;
NKW YORK CITY—
J. H. Biiss, I art Row
8. P. Rowkli. A Cos.. 10 Spruce street.
W. W. SHABr A Cos., 21 Part How.
Ffank Kiirssn A Cos.. IS2 Broadway.
Diccht A Oo . 27 Park Place.
J. W Thompson. 39 Park Row
AKSRICaS NEWSPAPKK PUBLISHXRS ASSOCIATION,
Potter Building.
PHILADELPHIA —
M- W Arts A Son, Times Building.
BOSTON-
B R. Niles, 3e6 Washington street.
Prtte!igii.l A Cos., 10 State street.
CHICAGO
Xk>RP A Thomas, 45 Randolph street.
CINCINNATI- „
Xdwin Aloes Company, 56 West Fourth street.
NEW HAVEN
Thr H. P. Hcbbard Company. 25 Elm street.
ST. LOUIS—
Mhlson Ohbsman A Cos., 112 T Pine street.
ATLANTA—
Morsimo News Burkau, Whitehall street.
MACON
Daily Telegraph Opphce, 597 Mulberry street.
INDEX TO m ADYKBTISEMENTS.
Meettsgs—Clinton Lodge No. 54, A. and F, M.;
German Friendly Society.
Military Orders —Order No 39, Georgia
Hussars.
Steamship ScnsDCLKS Ocean Steamship
Company; General Transatlantic Company.
IJSrHoOL Opens Soon— B. H. Levy & Bro.
Pertixe.vt Questions— Lindsay & Morgan.
Cheap Column Advertisements Help
Wanted; Employment IVanted; For Kent; For
Sale; Lost; Personal; Miscellaneous.
The Morning News will begin next Sun
day the publication of “an octave of sto
ries” by brilliant novelists. There are eight
of the stories, each containing two install
ments. Tne title of the first story is "My
Two Wives,” of which Mr. G. R. Sims—a
favorite and successful writer—is the
author. It possesses a very original plot.
It describes the return of an Englishman
from the colonies, after an absence of some
yeors, during which time he has lived
incognito, amassed a fortune and married
a wife.
He visits the family burial plot, and finds
there set forth the date of his own death
and interment. This extraordinary dis
covery leads to an inquiry.
He had been married before, but supposed
his former wife was dead. She, however,
turned up after he left the country, placed
the insoription on the tomb, and married a
wealthy suitor. •
There are other circumstances in the case
■which further complicate matters, and the
reader will be gratified at the satisfactory
manner in which the plot is worked out to
a pleasant conclusion.
The remaining stories of the series aro va
rious in chnractrr, and are dramatic, roman
tic or sensational, as the case may he.
Tne stories will also be published in the
Weekly News.
Report from abroad hath it that his royal
jiblets of Wales dodged the annual Don
caster race meeting as if it had boen a hot
poker or an open cellar door to avoid his
old friends ad pecuniary abettors, the
Wilsons of Tranby Croft. One interview
with a police court and a jeering mob is evi
dently quite sufficient for the prince.
Talk about your high-priced shows, but
the price of admission to the great Ameri
ca u bear garden comes higher than any
known spectacle. Seats in the New York
Stock Exchange now bring $il),000, and the
same sort of accommodation in the Boston
exchange sells for SIB,OOO. That thrifty ar
rangement doesn't seem to give every citi
zen and taxpayer a fair show.
Doubtless the country in general will be
but little surprised to learn that a
Chicago laundry has failed. It is
pretty generally known that an un
duly large proportion of the living
creatures within the boundaries of Chi
cago are bogs. Observation has taught
nearly all mankind that the hog is not usu
ally a good sort of customer for a laundry.
Philadelphia commissioners for the selec
tion of anew site for the United States
mint in that city refuse to divulge the loca
tion of the site chosen. That’s rather
mysterious. Possibly they aro awaiting
the abatement of that Philadelphia epidemic
of embezzlement lest the sits may be stolen
before it can be used. That’s the ouly plausi
ble explanation.
By wav of illustrating the alleged obtrus
iveness of a certain class of Americans an
English writer says “that the English
sparrow is being pushed out of his nest by
the yankee oukoo,” which Is saying no little
for the prowess and fortitude of the afore
said cuckoo. There are few birds of the air
more turbulontly aggressive than the En
glish sparrows that have visited this coun
try, and it is a val.aat and doughty bird
that pushes him anywhere.
Since the congressionalißts have won suc
cess down in Chile they aro probably thus
prompted to take a liberal view of almost
everything. But it does seem just a trifle
inequitable that they shou and hive to pay
the expenses of having their ship detained
so as to deprive them of the arms which
might have cost them their cause. But
there is a great deal of recognized right in
might, and lows are not always fair by any
moaner of means.
Some Balvatioo for Former Slaves.
Recent developments fully sustain the
prediction of the Morning News relative
to the crafty and acquisitive designs of that
quasi philanthropist from < Iraaha wh i pro
p ses to pension oil the freedmen and sug
gests that somebody else shall furnish the
money wherewith to do that same.
After a great deal of ostentatious prelimi
nary lamentation for the hard lottery luck
of the black man. an l the accumulation of
some cm-idoi-abie persona! advertising and
testimonials of benevolent character he has
finally disci sed his real purpose in propos-
I ing the scheme. IVitb dramatic auddeu
| ness and appropriate figurative gasps of
sympathy and cominisseration he olandly
springs upon a wondering world a cheap
j advertisement adirned with a badqsicture
of an imaginary manacled negro accom
panied by a seductive request to send him
#4 for au “emblem ba Ige" and “\ aughan's
new book explaining his ex-slave pension
bill.”
This appears, from bis statements, to be
all Mr. Vaughan’s private property and in
dividual enterprise. Now the question
that must naturally arise is that if Vaughan
charges the poor negro $4 for merely ex
plaining "the system” to him in a pamphlet
that may have cost 5 cents, bow much will
be charge each negro his philanthropic
services (ex-mayor and all), when he once
gets from them letters authorizing him to
put their “names in his pension register?”
Why, the man's way of signing his advertise
ment as "W. R. Vaughan (ex-mayor),
Washington, D. (J..” is a manifest attempt
at deception, and to that extent getting
money under false pretenses, if he gets any
at all For it is well calculated to cause
the poor, ignorant negro to think him au
ex-mayor of Washington instead of the
small lowa town over which he claims to
have once presided. This in itself reveals
the unscrupulous character of tho max
Among other craftily collected documents
to fortify his selfish scheme the wily in
triguant has secured from Fred Douglass a
statement to the effect that “the emanci
pated slaves of the south should bo pensioned
by the government as payment for the un
paid services which they performed
while in slavery.” Commenting upon
that expression the New York Sun
announces that it regards this view
of the matter as “an interesting offset
to another claim once made that the gov
ernment should pay the slaveholders for the
slaves whom they lost by the aot of emanci
pation.” From a superficial glance at the
case that may so appear. But let us take a
careful look into all the equtfes of the
proposition. Simply squaring one side of it
would not be just at all. Te make it per
fectly square we must straighten out and
equalize every side.
Come to think of it, Uncle Sam would
make a first rate trustee to handle but not
to Inrnish the funds for such an altogether
worthy purpose. l,et him hold the cash.
But don’t ask tax-payers to chip in for it
indiscriminately, because some of them had
nothing whatever to do with slavery in any
way. Consequently to call on them would
not be just.
Now to start with let us assume that the
people of this country are honest and sin
cere In this oft expressed desire to give the
negro his exact dues, and do not merely ad
vocate it as political buncombe and a pre
text for ostentatious manifestations of
sanctimonious sham pioty. With that basis
of exact justice greod uyon the old slave
holder is perfectly willing to balance the
books aud square accounts all around.
Granting the4e conditions the first thing to
bo done toward a final settlement is for tho
heirs aud assigns of those people of the east
ern and western states, who with sagacious
thrift sold all their slaves before they were
attacked with the humane hysterics, to pay
into the United States treasury all the
money they got from that source, together
with its accruod “unearned increment.’
Then it will be in order for the old master
to pay his former slave full wages on a
basis of what is now paid for such work as
he then did, and charge him with board,’
clothing, house rent and medical attendance
on precisely the same basis.
When the reckoning was finished and the
balance came to be drawn, some negroes
would be entitled to quite a sum of money.
But the majority of them would find them
selves inextricably in debt.
damages are to be allowed the negro
for restraint of liberty thoy should in all
reason be charged against the man who ori
ginally deprived him of it and sold him into
bondage, and not against him who bought
the man in good faith as lawful property and
then lost him by what Alexander tho Great
admitted to be “the brigandage of an in
vading army.”
But there would probably bo an ample
amount in that trust fund returned to tho
treasury to award tho negro fair damages
and his former master approximate if not
full restitution for the values of which he
had been despoiled.
Just os soon as those gentlemen who in
herited such an obtrusive plethora of sensit
ive piety aud contraband pelf have made the
neoessary arrangements for restitution of
that dross which must be so haunted with
visions of captive human souls and fellow
creatures deluded as to render it loathsome
in their sight, they should confer with the
much-abused soutnron. They would find
that he is not altogether barbarous nor un
reasoning. And he is probably quite ready
to adopt this plan and settle accounts.
Human affection is said to be a deliciously
exhjlirating sort of distemper. but it
sometimes develops phases that are not
wholly devoid of actual peril. For in
staooe, bd Illinois young man of the most
harmlessly inoffensive character but very
muscular proportions, recently visited “his
best girl” near Alton and hugged her with
so much of impetuous ardor thi t ho broke
one of her ribs. So engrossed in
the performance were they that 6he didn’t
disoover her injuries until afterward.
Paying the surgeon’s charges is about as
little as that over-enthusiastic young bear
could do. And in future the girl would do
well to stand in a flour barrel or an iron
ash can when that particular young maa
pays his little attentions. But the incident
will probably give him widespread popu
larity among the damsels.
When Kaiser Bill went to Bavaria he had
to kiss the bristly prince of that province
just as if he liked the exercise. So it will
be seen that the prosperous monarch’s fuu
is some what diluted. Most of his pleasures
are tempered by such inseparably accom
panying pains. Ruling isn't such a tine job
after all.
Washington hops are still hopping. But
not very high. They are too thick for that.
This year the crop is expected to amount to
at least 60,0 X) bales or 11,000,000 pounds,
worth about (3,600,000. So the chances
are that we shill have a little beer all
through next year.
THE MORNING NEWS: MONDAY, SEPTEMBER 14, 1891.
Public Questions Are Not Property.
By way of explaining why he did not de
liver a promise! discourse upon the ques
tion of renewing the charter of tho Louisi
ana lottery which a number of prominent
white gentlemen had attended his church
especially to hear a New Orleans negro
proacher recently stated that he had been
dissuaded by the anxious protests of mem
bers of his congregation who insisted that it
was “a white man's question.’’ Further the
more timorous of thorn urged that in the
event that the minister should discuss the
question and assail the proposed renewal his
Hook could not sustain him for fear that
many of tnem would thus lose their employ
ment. All of this is quite as unwarranted
by the facts and as devoid of a reasonable
and logical basis as the claims of the New
Orleans nogro newspaper writer who refers
to it and contends that “it is a black man's
quostion.”
Regulating the lottery is not essentially a
white man’s question any more than auy
other law would be. Neither is it exelu
sfvely “a black man’s question.” It is a
public question. Public questions concern
all persons regardless of color caste, or
condition about equally in proportion to
tbeir intelligence aud consequent interest in
public affairs. Every qualified citizen has
an equal right to think aud vote upon
them according to the promptings of his in
dividual reasoning. Unobtrusively pursued
such a course neither injures, molests nor of
fends anybody. Therefore no one has any
reason to oomplain of it.
Only when the citizen officiously proceeds
to appropriate tho whole question and
villify ail opponents does he make himself
insufferably objectionable. No one of auy
standing cares to interfere in auy way with
the opinions or votes of the negro so long as
he confines his actions within the pale of bis
own rights. Olfensively thrusting them
upon otners is the danger he should iearu to
avoid. When he has anything interesting
to say they are perfectly willing to hear his
argument provided it is framed according
to the rules of ordinary civility. Argument
never needs to be fortified by abuse. On the
contrary, such irrelevancies always weaken
it. Therefore undertaking to characterize
the owners of the lottery in lurid super
latives and to anathematize the uses to
which they are surmised to be turning the
proceeds of their alluring device is without
force or effect.
Nevertheless, if the thoughtful negro re
gards this particular guileful temptation
as an unholy enticement to which he and
his family are peculiarly susceptible then
his right to take a profound interest in ex
orcising it cannot reasonably be disputed.
Such a view of the case is materially
strengthened by the statement of the claim
ant that this “is a black
mau's question,” in which he says
that be “would emphasize this
appeal by the mortifying reminder that it
was a legislature largely negro, but misled
by corrupt and alien whites, which, in the
tirst instance, gave the Louisiana State Lot
tery Company its life, and that it was
the solid black senatorial vote which made
it pousible for the state to be insulted in the
persons of her voters, black and white, t>7
the infamous proposition known as the lot
tery constitutional amendment.”
Bo long as the negro confines his interest
and attention to public questions he will Dot
only remain unmolested but be encouraged
and sustained by the whites. Only when
he oomeß to think it necossary to his per
sonal happiness to transgress tho estab
lished usages of centuries concerning vol
untary association and to disregard the
polite amenities of social oustoin by thrust
ing himself into personal contaot with those
whom he has every reason to believe do not
desire his society, and to foist himself into
private places where he has not been bid
den is it that the whites feel called upon to
restrain the enthusiasm of his progress.
When the Massachusetts prohibition con
vention assembled at Worcester the other
day the Republican party was very
sharply arraigned for its impliedly bad
treatment of the negro. Then the conven
tion proceeded to nominate Negro William
Oscar Armstrong for the office of state
auditor. When people profess so much right
eousness of purpose as do the prohibition
ists they must be given the credit of nomin
ating for a given position the mau among
their number who is best qualified for the du
ties involved—in the absence of any evidenco
to the contrary. Their professions seem to
place them above resort to the demagogical
device of choosing a candidate for an im
portant and responsible office on the basis
of a mere appeal to prejudice. Therefore it
is but just and fair to assume that this negro
they have nominated was more trustworthy
and capable to perform the duties of that
office than any other inan in the Prohibi
tion party of Massachusetts. Consequently
the convention cannot reasonably bo blamed
for making such a choice, and every friend
of good government should oordlallv join
in the wish that he may be duly elected.
Wheu the negro secures such preferment on
the ground of his intellectual and moral
superiority to those with whom he is asso
ciated then he is honestly entitled to the
honors thus acquired.
Hundreds of passengers on a New Jersey
train near Phillipsburg on the Lehigh
Valley railway’ missed being blown into
fragments and the hereafter by the very
narrowest chance a few days ago. Only an
unaccountable accident prevented a train
going at the rate of fifty miles an hour
from running over a number of dynamite
cartridges that had been placed upon the
track. By the merest chance a pusher en
gine was allowed to go ahead of the train a
few miles and that shook off all but the
two which exploded and completely wrecked
the engine. Why human beings should
resort to such oowardly aud diabolical
fienlishness Is beyond the ken of ordinary
understanding.
Keeping up the surplus is a thing of the
pa9t. Such a thing as a surplus is essentially
a structure of democratic architecture. But
by way of keeping up a faint semblance of
it and his own spirits the Secretary of the
Treasury is rapidly draining all of the
designated United States depository banks
in the country of what little currency they
contain so as to scrape together enough cash
to hold down the bottom of the treasury
vaults and to pay off the hired help of the
government. Rather an Inferior and
liiustvo pretense of genuine practical finan
ciering that.
By the explosion of a lamp at Ashland
Wednesday night Mrs. Zeilskowsby, the
wife of a Wisconsin laboring man, was
burned to death, and her husband and
George Lashaltck and Joseph Jingle were
seriously burned. Yet the baby that over
turned the lamp was not injured. Verily,
there must bo an especial providence for
drunken men aud babies, as has often been
alleged.
PERSONAL.
Mr*. Mackay is the possessor of a strin* of
flawless diamonds two yards in length.
The next man to be tried for ‘‘Briggsism’* is
Rev. J. H. Bausmau of the Rochester Presby
terian church, iu the Alleghany (Pa.) presby
tery.
Bishop Dwenoer of Fort Wayne, who at the
time of his ordination in 1872 was the youngest
known bishop, is dying at his home if heart
failure
Senator Vance and Mrs. Vance of North
Carolina are at Zurich, Switzerland, and Sen
ator Gray and Mrs. Gray of Delaware have just
left Lucerne for Paris.
On thk death of Senator Stanford the uni
versity which bears his name will be enriched
to the amount of 8>.009,000, that being the
sum he has arrang'd to devise to it.
It is interesti.no to be informed that Lord
and lAdy Aberdeen sat at the same table on the
Majestic with Mrs McKee and Mrs. Harrison,
and permitted them to become very “social.”
James N. Pidcock of White House, N. J.,
former congressman from that state and pros
pective candidate for governor, expects to
market over 100,'“00 baskets of peaches this
year.
Edward T. Holden, the now Gladstonian
member of the House of Commons for Walsall,
is the 123d new member who has entered the
House since the general election of 188 H. The
House of Commons consists of 670 members.
Ex-Judge F. Caiwoll Brewster of Philadel
phia gave hig annual reception to the members
of the bar of that city on Thursday evening,
about 250 of whotn were present. Capt. Drub
arstafif of the Rustian army was the guest of
honor.
Marion Harland Is a large woman of ma
tronly appearance, somewhat above medium
hight. She has a brown complexion, black
hair that is beginning to turn gray and a broad
forehead. She began to write 6tories when she
was a child of 6.
The home of President Carnot's mother was
entered by burglars the other night and many
articles of value were deliberately carried off.
The watch dog, a fierce animal, had been lib
erated the previous day aud failed to report for
duty in time for business.
Edmund Yates says in his cablegram to the
New York Tribune that there is no foundation
for the rpport which has been widely circulated
that the King and Quben of Italy propose to
pay a state visit to England next year. They
lmve not expressed any wish to do so, nor
have they been invited.
Cardinal Gibbon* has made a good sugges
tion to the head* of the religious order of the
Catholic church. Every ship leaving Spain
during the ago of discovery carried a priest or
friar, who made reports to the superiors. The
suggestion is that the archives of the orders be
searched for these unpublished reports.
M. Rouvier, the French minister of finance,
was a traveling salesman for a Paris bookseller
when he was a young man. Having acquired
considerable wealth, lie went into politics In
1569, and gained the friendship of Gamhetta.
After the fall of the empire he was elected to
the Chamber of Deputies,and since then ho has
pushed steadily to the front.
Mrs. Sarah F. Van Nostrand of East Mill
ttone, N. J., who celebrated her 103d birthday
on Monday, contributes the following to the
cause of dress reform: “If our girls to-day,”
she says, “are not well and do not live long it is
largely due to corsets. I don’t believe in them,
and Pm sure they are killing lots of girls and
have made lots more miserable.”
BRIGHT BITS.
Doctor—No man has to die more than once.
Maud—Aren’t you so sorry?— Life.
“Does your wife talk in her sleep?”
“No; but she frequently does in mine.”
Puck.
The dear hunting season has been transferred
from the beach to the drawing room.—Pitts
burg Dispatch,.
one of the most expensive things in this life
is the reverse curve on the bottom of a cham
pagne bottle.— Boh ton. Transcript.
“Comb to think, there is a great deal of push
required in this business,” murmured the man
ufacturer of Jaaby coaches.—. Baltimore Ameri
can.
The melancholy days have come,
The saddest of the year;
Too warm lo take your whisky straight,
Too cool for lager beer.
Dublin Post.
Citizen—Charity begins at home, sir
Tramp—Then er ye’ll tell me what time it
starts HI try ter be on hand.— Harrisburg Tele
graph.
“Then you take no stock in Miss Prettyface’s
attractions?''
“Not till I know her 4 par’ value.”— Baltimore
American.
An ornithologist says that birds frequently
commit, suicide. Yes, they, too, have their
troubles about their bills, do doubt. —Detroit
Free Press.
An editor works day and night for his town
and county, and gets more abuse to the square
inch than all the professions put together.
Gumming Clarion.
The dog days now are over.
But believe me, if you will,
*Tis easy to discover
That the cats are with us still.
—Oriffln News.
A strange world this. In France, when a
girl ia pleasing, they say she is chio. Over here
when she doesn’t please you she’s "an old hen.”
Yonkers Statesman. *
Mamie- Isn’t Mr. Turtell a strange man? He
seems to live wholly within himself.
Gladys—Well, It is no wonder he Is troubled
with indigestion.— Puck.
Mrs. Scripture—The Rev. Mr. Glimmer hides
his light under a bushel, I think.
Miss Vinay Garrish—How wasteful! A pint
would more than hide it.— Puck.
Wife—l think these people that moved Into
the next flat are in straitened circumstances.
Husband- -They muet be, or else they couldn’t
have got it. —Boston Courier.
Our devil startled the town this week
By his piteous cries of “O!”
But ir only happened that the office towel
Had fallen upon his toe.
—Port Valley Enterprise.
“You want a pension for damage to your eye
sight, do you? ”
• Yes. sir; I strained my eyes trying to see
a battle from a safe distance.*’— Buffalo Ex
press.
Prince Dam Rong, a brother of the King of
Siam, is about to visit England. With that
name be should feel quite at home in almost
any town with aldermen in tt.—Minneapolis
Journal.
Teacher— Has the north pole been reached
yet ?
Munro Readel —Yes. ma’am.
Teacher By whom, pray?
Munro Bcadel—By “North Polo Pete, or The
Esquimaux Friend..”— Puck.
Stranger—How are the crops?
Farmer—Not wot they ought to be. Too
much ram.
Stranger Hem* The owner of the farm next
to yours complains of not enough rain.
Farmer—Well, he’s got a durn sight bigger
farm than I hare. —New York Weekly.
“Of course it hurts, Josiah,” said Mrs. Oiug
water. as she applie 1 fhe liniment and rubbed
it in vigorously. “Rheumatism always hurts.
You ruuit grin and bear it.”
“I’m willing to bear it, Samantha,” groaned
Mr. Chugwater, “but darn me if I’m going to
grin,”— Chicago Tribune.
CURRENT COMMENT.
Prosperity Seems Probable.
From the Chicago Herald ( Dem .).
Mr. Gould at the present moment is said to be
an optimist. The trouble usually with Mr.
Gould's optimism is that it is followed by a wide
prevalence of pessimism amoug the confiding
jieople who invest in his stocks.
Foreboding’s of Failure.
From the Indianapolis Sent nel ( Dem .).
The enterprising republican press has now
discovered that the Cobden Club is about to
flood Ohi with “British gold” for the purpose
of heating McKinley. Just heavens’ More than
likely Blstnarck and Gladstone are preparing a
conspiracy to down Billy Herod.
Reform Would Wipe Out Republican
iam.
From the Bangor Commercial (Rep.).
It is manv years since the postmaster of New
York and rhe collector of the port have left
their duties to attend a political convenrion.
aud their doing so without fear of rebuke is the
strongest evidence thus far afforded of the
complete setback which civil service reform has
suffered under the Presi lent, who. in advance
of election, gave this pledge: “It will be my
"roer~ purpose, if elected, to advance the re
form.”
Diplomatic Management.
I met a man in the waiting room of the New
Haven depot the other day wno wanted to
know where a certain street was. and where
abouts in that street a certain eating house
could he found, and as we fell to talking he un
bosomed himself, says M. Quad in the New
York Keening World. His wife had skipped
out and left him and come to Gotham, and was
working in the kitchen of the eating house re
ferred to. aud he had come to see her. He was
a plain, every day man, whose home was in a
Connecticut village, and he was taking the
matter very calmly When I expressed some
surprise at this he replied:
”0, there an't any particular hurry about It,
you know. It'sovqr three months since she
skipped, and I thought I wouldn't rush things.
Fin hoardin’ w ith a widder at S3 a week, wash
in’ included, and I've rented my house for $lO a
month.”
“How did you come to skip?” I asked.
“Wall, she's my third, you see. I'd saved
most of the clothes of the other two and she
warned ’em. I didn’t it looked just right, and
she flew off the handle. Got up in the night
and crawled out of a winder onto a shed to git
away. Walked at the depot all one day to
have me foller and coax her back, but I didn't
do it.’’
“And are you going to take her home?”
"Can't say. It’s accordin' to how she talks.
Want to go down with me?”
We found the woman acting a* second cook
in the eating house. When she cam ‘in she be
gan to cry and embrace Thomas, hut he held
her off and asked:
“Emily, didn’t I buy you a pair of shoes, a
corset, some stookingß, two handkerchiefs and
a hairbrush all iu one week?’’
“Yes,” she answered, keeping hold of one of
his hands.
“Didn't I pay f2O for parlor furniture and have
the ceilings whitewashed?”
“Yes.”
“And you skipped out. I’ve rented the house
to the Thompsons.”
“What!”
“And I’m boardin’ with Widder Glazier.”
“You are?”
“Yes ”
‘‘She beats you all to pieces doin’up shirts.
I didn't come down to ask if you wanted
to—”
“But I’m going right hack home,” she inter
rupted.
“I just thought I'd drop down to ask ”
Tin going. I'll be ready in ten minutes.”
’You know, Emily,, you got cantankerous be
cause I ”
‘Tm going. Hold on, I*ll get my things,” she
exclaimed, as she hastened away.
“Lemme tell ye sunthin’,” said the husband
as we sat waiting. “Wimin is curus critters.
They’ve got to be handled a sartin way. If you
sot your foot down keep i t thar. If vour wife
runs away don't foller. Just wait till she writes
about three times. If yon don't conker her
•he'll O' joker you. Alius be cool and calm, and
kinder have things fixed so you kin board with
a widder in case your partner takes u skip).
Emily will go back home and be as humble as a
cross-eyed cat in cold weather, and if she ever
kicks over the traces agin all I'll have to do is to
pint toward New York to subdue her. Much
obleeged and good-by,”
His Revolver Did Not Help Him.
“One day last winter I landed at a little
Spanish port on the Mediterranean,” says a
writer in the Chicago Mail, “to commence an
overland journey to Madrid. My sole traveling
companion was a youDg fellow from Galveston.
Tex., who had been studying in Rome fora
couple of years. Neither of us knew very much
about Spain or Spanish wavs. The customs
officers confiscated my friend 5 ! revolver. In the
bottom of my grip was a Smith & Wesson of
the latest pattern—a beautiful weapon which I
Drized very highly becaus it was the gift of a
Montana acquaintance. I determiner! to save
it if possible, and succeeded by picking it up in
the folds of a light coat and holding the gar
ment carelessly over my left arm while the re
mainder of the baggage was inspeoted.
gR’ At the little inn where we stopped for lunch
before continuing our journey I made consider
able sport over the confiscation of my compan
ion's revolver, and explained how I smuggled
in my own. When we left the place and began
our long stage journey my weapon still was in
a pocket of my duster, which I threw upon the
seat beside me. An old Frenchman joined us
at thia point, and we three made up a very
jolly little traveling party. About sunset, hs
the coach was passing through a stretch of
woodland, our hilarity suddenly was inter
rupted. The coach stopped, the door was
roughly thrown open, the muzzle of a gun was
thrust inside of the vehicle, and we were
gruffly commanded in Spanish to ‘pile out.’
We obeyed without a word and with consid
erable alacrity, too. A moment later we three
were standing in a row with our hands above
our heals. Our baggage was tumbled out and
the coachman was ordered to drive on. He
mounted the box and soon drove out of sight,
disappearing in the woods a short distance
ahead of us. Two villainous thugs went through
our baggage, while a third kept us covered
with a gun. Then they searched us. and I said
a good, large, roung word iu English as I saw
my w atch and chain pass out of our possession,
joining the Frenchman's timepiece and a well
filled pocket book which the Texan had indis
creetly carried with him.
“The booty was turned over to one of the
gang, who carried it into the woods. A few
minutes later the coach came back, our remain
ing baggage was tumbled into it, we followed
our luggage, the door was slammed shut and
the journey was resumed.
“The whole performance was so sudden, so
unexpected, that I was fairly stunned. Up to
that moment the idea of making any resistance
or defense had not entered my mind. Then I
thought of my revolver, and wondered how l
happened to tniss it just whan I needed it most.
There it lay in ray duster pocket, just where I
had thrown it.”
She Led the Way.
“Come along here, Sary, I'm goin’ through
this crowd,” said a thin-faced old lady last
night as the parade was passing along High.
“Grandma, you can't get through there.”
“Hey? Can't I? Come along.”
With a wild swing of tho arms and a nudg
ing of the elbows, says the Columbus Post , the
old lady dived into the crowd.
“Grandma!”
“Come along h’yer, Sary, push that fool
out o’ the way. Get back there, you
fool ”
“Grandma, I can’t ”
“Keep tight behind me; I'll get ye through—
keep off my toes, ye big footed idiot—h'yer,
miss, put that umbrella down, or I’ll break it.*’
“Grandma!”
“Come right along. Knock that seegar out
o' that fool's mouth. H'yer, you impudent
nigger, git out o’ tho way! Right away!” And
the ins and outs of the old lady were truly won
derful.
“(>, grandma. I'll bo killed ”
“Killed nothin'. Come right along. H'yer,
git back; out o’ the way there; quit scrowgm';
don’t blow your smoke in my face ; han’t got no I
sense? Where's your manners? Ma ever whip ye
for ill manners? Right through this way, Sary
Stand back, there! H'yer, you little fool, git
back; don't kill the child; where's the police?
Confound such a place? Here, keep comm’.
Sary’ Stand back! Out o’ the way! what’s the
matter with you, fool? Offen my feet! Git back
Come on. Sary!” And the old lady and her
young charge emerged from the far >ide of the
crowd looking like a pair of towels from the
rollers of a wringer.
He Was Liberal.
He had imbibed just enough to feel big
hearted toward all the world, says the New
York World, and after the train which he tcwk
to cross the bridge had got started he went to
the door and queried of one of the guards on the
platform:
“Anything to pay?”
“No; you paid at the office.”
“But l cmy paid 3 cents.”
“Well, that's the fare.”
'•Here—take 10. 1 don't want to be mean
about this.”
“You have paid enough, sir.”
“All|rghtr-all right-just as you say about
it, but if you should change your mind let me
know. When I'm out with the boys la. ways
want to whack up ray full share. No hristles on
my back, and don't you forget it. Give you a
dollar if you say so.
“No.”
“All right-let'er flicker! My name is (Ti
max- Jim Climax and any time you want to
raise the fare to 50 cents count me iu. ”
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ITEMS OF INTEREST.
A mound containing the skeletons of several
prehistoric people has been discovered on a
farm near Carthage, 111. The skeletons lay in
all conceivable positions, and are supposed to
be those of warriors who fell in battle. It is be
lieved that the farm is the site of an anciont
battlefield. The skeletons are of unusual size
and the teeth in the skulls are larger than those
of ordinary human beings The authorities of
Carthage College have received permission to
explore the cave, and a noted antiquarian has
been sent for to aid in the investigation.
The age in which we live is disgustingly
prosaic and horribly matter-of-fact. The lover
upon clasping his sweetheart to his breast re
marks: “How delightfully clean your scalp is,
my darling!” And she upon folding him in her
arms exclaims: “Dearest Algernon, if you will
drink creme de menthe. I do wish you would
wash your mustache off before you kiss me!”
Only the other day a Cincinnati young lady who
had left her father’s house with the intention of
eloping with her sweetheart turned back at the
railway station upon discerning that she had
forgotten her toothbrush! Trunk of it, shade of
Juliet! J
It is not an unheard of thing for a man to
delegate to his w ife the care of his wardrobe
and the task of keeping the run of his social en
gagements, but who ever heard of a man who
had to be sent to his meals? The Brunswick
(Me.) Telegrach has found such a man. His
wife was away and he was to take his meals at
a restaurant. The first day of her absence he
paid no attention to the supper hour, but kept
right on working until it was time to close his
place of business, w hen he went home and re
tired without getting any supper. The next
morning he left the house early and going to
his shop began his work, never thinking of his
breakfast until nearly 11 o'clock.
Perhaps the most unique artisan Washington
can boast is a canine tonsorial artist who is
known as “Frenchy” Smith, says the Washing
ton Star. He has the appearance, which he
perhaps does not l>elb\ of a French hairdresser
who has turned his attention to clipping dogs
for the heated term. He goes from house to
house in tho fashionable part of tne city and
asks servants if there are any long-haired Skye
terriers, poodles, Newfoundlands or any other
kind of dogs that the owner desires clipped. If
there are he will do it for from 50 cents up, ac
cording to the size of the dog He says that
dogs cannot live through the summer in this
climate and remain healthy unless clipped.
Col. Charles Mitchell, who was adjutant
general on Gen. Lee's staff, tells an interesting
little story of Gen. Wise and the surrender at
Appomattox. Wise came riding down the road
furiously to where Gen. Lee and his staff were
grouped. He was splashed with pjpd from head
to heels. There were great splotches of mud
dried and caked upon his face. Addressing Gen.
Lee he asked, in a theatrical voice, “is it true,
Gen. that you have surrendered?” “Yes.
Geu Wise, it is true.” “I wish then to ask you
one question: What is going to become of my
brigade, (ron. Lee. and what is going to become
of me?” Gen. Lee looked at the splashed war
rior for a full minute and then said calmly and
in a low tone; “Gen. Wise, go and wash your
face.”
One day I was taken w itb chills and head
ache, says a writer. My quinine box was
empty, and I was looking forward to a restless
night. In desperation I peeled a raw onion and
slowly ate it, then went to bed, with warm feet
and an extraouilt, I was asleep in five min
ute!, and awakened in the morning quite well.
Our homely but strong friend will be appre
ciated In time as a medicine, and if agricultur
ists would turn tbeir attention to raising a
model onion, with the strong scent taken out
that taints the breath so unpleasantly, families
would tie putting such pills in the cellar by the
barrel, and the doctors would take to onion
farming. The onion acts os a cathar
tic and diuretic, and may help to break up a
cold or lessen the bad symptoms A doctor
says: “I always store a barrel of onions in my
cellar in the fall. We have them cooked twice a
week, and whoever of the family is threatened
with a cold eats some onions raw. If this vege
table were generally eaten raw there wouid be
no diphtheria, gout, rheumatism, kidney oy
stomach troubles. I know the young men and
women are afraid to cat thom. One young man
went so far as to say to me: “if my wife ate
onions I would get a divorce the same day.' ”
In a morning newspaper yesterday, says the
New York World , appeared this annoar.ee
ment: “Lonely—Letter received; will meet
you in ladies' parlors, Astor house, at 1 o'clock
to-day; wid you kindly wear red pink in front
of dress ? Confidential.” Among those who
read this were the drummers who put up at the
Astor house. They went down into the cor
ridors and laid in a supply of red pinks with
which to greet “Lonely” upon her appearance.
She came promptly at 1 o’clock. E. F. Gould,
drummer of opticians' goods, went up and
talke lto her. He tried to convince her that he
was the man she wan mJ, but he failed. He
railed attention to the pink in his buttonhole,
but the woman would not be persuaded. “Well,
if you won't talk to me you surely will to my
friend Mayer,” Ciould said Gould lft the side
of tho youg woman, making room for Mayer,
when two score of men, all wearing pinks.came
into the parlor. Tho woman looked puzzled.
“Well, madam,” said Gould, “if Mayor ipn't
the man you are in search of it may be some
one of these gentlemen. They all wear rod
pinks, you see. ” The woman, now greatlv sur
prised, flounced out of the room. She left the
Astor house by the Barclay street entrance.
But where was “Confidential ?”
In the course of a month, says the Berlin
correspondent of tho London Daily News, the
first volume of the late Count Moltke's works,
edited by his family, will appear. It will be a
brief history of the war of IS7O '7l. The peculiar
circumstance to which this work owes its ori
gin shows us again the imposing simplicity and
modesty of the great hero. Tho late field mar
shal was repeatedly requested bv his relatives
to write down his memoirs, but he always re
fused, saying: “All that I have written, and
what is worth being kept, lies iu the archiues
of the general staff Mv personal remembrances
are better buried with me.” When
he was requested Again by his
nephew to put down some notes about the war
of 1370 *7l, he answered, “You know you hAve
got its history edited by the general staff;
everything is in that.” Then he added, “it is
true this work is too elaborate, aud only written
for experts, not for tho multitude. One ought
to make an abstract of it.” The next morning
he found on his writing table the whole volum
inous work of the gtneral staff, andunderstand
ing this suggestion he set to work without say
ing a word and finished it in the beginning of
1838. when he was 87 years of age. When it was
complete he handed it over to his nephew and
never mentioned it again. It is said to be in
contents and phraseology the best history of the
war that has ever been written.
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