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C|e||lormitg'|lttos
Morning News Building Savannah, Ga.
~FRIDAY, DE( EMI!EIt *•'. ISOI
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4NDEI TO NEW ADVERTISEMENTS.
Meetings.— Calsnthe Lodge No. 28, K. P.
Special Notices. —Schedule tor Thunderbolt
and the Races; Christmas IMuner at Freid £
Hicks': Dividend No. 4 of the Germania Bank;
Election Notioes; Special Notice, John E. Dowl
ing; Roll of Honor Savannah Academy.
Steamship Schedule.— Plant Steamship Line.
"Peace and Good Will.”— B. H. Levy A Bro.
Merry Christmas to Our Friends and Pat
rons. — Count's.
Auction Sale— Household Furniture, by J.
McLaughlin & Son.
Merry Christmas to All—Folk Clothing
Company.
Cheap Column Adyerttsemertr Help
Wanted; Employment Wanted; For Rent; For
Sale; Lost; Personal: Miscellaneous.
Banco men are usually content to evade
the polioe in most places. But one actually
'‘worked” the Bcwtou “coppers” to the tune
of quite a snug sum on the pretense of being
a lieutenant In the navy of the Russian czar.
Probably there are not on the American con
tinent to-day a more disgusted lot of men
than the Boston police.
Because Mr. Gladstone was blackballed
at an English olub In Biarritz the president
resigned. Such an occurrence was too
much for Sir Andrew Falrbain. But the
moet insignificant person can keep the most
distinguished of statesmen out of a club if
he happens to have a prejudice along with
him. Such people usually do carry around
• great aooumulation of prejudices.
When a New York boy of an investigat
ing turn of mind tried hanging himself he
succeeded so well that he wob wholly un
able to enjoy the sensations of the prooees
or describe the result when he waa finally
found in his father's barn at Greenfield
and out down by acquaintances who missed
all the sport the lad had in his quaint ex
periment. But the statement that be will
not try it again is perfectly safe.
By way of experiment a New York
broker kept a turkey on ice ten years and
then invited Dr. Chauncey Depew to help
blm eat it Therefore the fact that it bad
wholly lost its flavor cauld not havo been
very surprising. Possibly It was Intended
as a gentle bint to the chin professor that by
boing long stuffed with ohestnuts a body of
•uy kind as well as the component chestnuts
may lose flavor because devoid of taste.
Sinoe Millionaire Russell Sage got so little
sympathy from tbe general public because
of his recent blowing up the cranks seem to
be rallyiDg from all quarters and going
right after the old man loaded with explo
sive threats and other unpleasant things.
About the best thing Mr. Sage could do
would be to pay a long visit to some distant
relative. And the farther distant his rela
tive the better for the health of Mr. Sage.
Recently a Michigan man found it neces
sary to rise iu his place at lonia and an
nounce that liia skeleton had not been found
for tbe very rational reason that he was
still using it to carry around his flesh. This
denial was rendered appropriate by the sen
sational statement of a local newspaper to
the effect that his bones bad been found in
tbe woods. But the man certainly ought to
be considered the best judge of his own
bones. _____
Usually tbe millionaire gets tbe best of
the trivial battles of life. But the experi
ence of a millionaire in a Pittsburg court
the other day was something entirely new.
For punohing another man in tbe face he
was oonvioted of aggravated assault and is
to be seutenoed to prison. Whether be will
yet be allowed to pay out remains to be
seen. How that the injured man has proved
the attack be will probably prooeed to col
lect exemplary damages also.
Under the caption of “divorce in high life”
tbe New York Press recites that one Peter
Wll bank, who is described as a close friend
of a certain notorious forger by the name
of Hecate, is sued for divorce by bis’wife
at Atlantic City. When next the New York
Press refers to “high life” the publio may
understand what is Implied. Apparently
the views about suoh things vary widely in
different parte of the country. Those of the
Press and its New Jersey clientele appear
rather peculiar from thl* distance. Asa
fashionable accomplishment forgery is not
so highly regarded here. But possibly that
may be considered oDly another of those
points in which we are to bo considered
“slow." Yet we are not ambitious to be
faster.
Cbeerfulnees Peculiar to Christmas.
Whatever of amiability and benevolence
as well as good fellowship there may be in
the nature of any one is usually brought
out by the time-honored festivities of
Christmas. Possibly the mos; thoughtful
and learned of our scholars and philosophers
would be utterly at a loss to explain why
this is so even if they should try. Never
theless it is generally acknowledged to be
true.
Those of a religions turn of mind wonld
probably regard it as the visible manifesta
tion of the impalpable influence exorted by
the recurring of the anniversary of the
birth of our Savior. Very likely they
would maintain that it is intended to im
press upon mankind the authenticity of
that great event in the history of the world.
This view they might further sustain by
the origin of our “holiday” in the words
* 'holy day” and the nuole.it oustom of re
garding holidays as oocasions for devotional
exercises instead of seasons for gayety and
rejoicing.
But the cold-blooded and calculating
physicians of philosophy wiil with equal
confidence undertake to acoount for the
sudden ebullition of cheerfulness at this par
ticular season of the year upon the logical
hypothesis of the storage of forces. They
will probably argue that the accumulated
hope* and anticipations of a whole year find
vsnt just at this time in an outburst of the
unrestrained exuberance of the healthy
and normally happy and by a prooees of in
fection extends its animating Influence to
those who are unhealthy and less happy.
Therein it oertainly exercises a beneflctal
effect upon ail mankind. Whether the de
ductions ore absoiutly correct or not is a
matter of comparatively small Importance.
Yet the close observation of such
phenomena constitutes an interesting study
at all times and we should all make it a
point to see that those less favored than our
selves do not lack the revivifying influences
that good cheer and contentment bring.
Should they fail to imbibe the prevailing
spirit cf exhilaration it is quite safe to as
sume that through physical or pecuniary
depression they lack the vitality to feel
cheerful There u a good place to offer a
friendly hand with something in it.
Try not to he selfish. Be as happy as you
oan in a rational way and do what little you
may in order that others may also enjoy a
Happy Christmas 1
Here's At the Big Hat.
Though the opposition to the big hat of
womankind at tho theater has long been a
troubled wail it bas never before got into
the courts. Up to this time tho wronged
spectator who was ruthlessly deprived of
the spectacle which he paid to see by the
barrioade of hate placed before him has
vented bis disappointment by gently swear
ing. But a Pennsylvanian has eventually
lost all patience and gone to law about it.
When Mr. Henry Hilbert took the seat
that he recently paid for in the Berwick
opera house he found seated directly in
front of him two sisters whose hats together
measured Zi by 48 inohes of dense brims
that completely shut off his view of the
stage. Though Mr. Hilbert politely re.
quested them to remove their bats they
only giggled and when he appealed to the
usher that Important functionary assured
the wronged Mr. Hilbert that the giggling
girls with the obtrusive hats were “nice
ladies visiting the bank oashler’s family.”
So he thought it would be impolitic to re
quest them officially to remove their um
brageous hats.
Consequently Mr. Hilbert failed to see
the show that was then going on and he
now brings suit against the management to
recover his 30 oents that was rapaciously
aoooped in “upon the false and fraudulent
pretext that the plaintiff should see the
show, or at least the stage” on which it was
supposed to prooeed.
Ideally there is no apparent reason why a
woman should not be quito happy with her
bat off in the theater. Adopting suoh a
plan would have a wholesome tendency to
strengthen the Christian religion. To this
end the theaters should be required by law
to set apart a spaoe sufficiently largo for a
woman to take off her hat and also
provided with a sufficiently vast area
of shelving spaoe to lay them all on
while the fair ones are seeing the show. Such
a toilet room would really be in the nature
of a marked advancement in the plan of
salvation and the progress of civilization.
Then every woman should be rigidly re
quired to leave her hat in this convenient
receptacle where she should get a oheck for
it and have the use of a mirror to put it on
straight again.
Meanwhile the fashionable world will un
doubtedly follow the legal adventures of
Mr. Hilbert with the most absorbing In
terest and attention.
Under the pretext of beating his little
girl because Bhe would not "eat soup” a
Chicago man almost killed a child of 6
years with a heavy whip. Upon investiga
tion by the Humane Society tho incident
developed a story of inhuman craft and
greed that is almost beyond belief. When
the man was arrested he reluctantly ac
knowledged that ho had beaten the child
at the instance of his second wife. Pre
viously he had grown ashamed of his bru
tality and abandoned the woman to avoid
further goading to ill-treat his children. But
she had persuaded him to return under
promises of kindness toward the little ones
only to renew her former oonduct. All of
this inhumanity appears to have been in
spired by the woman’s desire to get $1,400
left tbe children by their mother. Unless
the children died the father oouid not get
it Hence the woman's cruel craft. By
this means she got them out of the way so
that her husband should get tbe moDey and
then she could compel blm to give it to her
on pain of exposure of bit crime oven
though the law did not at once imprison
him. Shrewd sofaeme. Quite worthy of a
penny dreadful novel.
The TVibiine saye there Is a report that
Gov. D. B. Hill and Gov.-elect Roswell P.
Flower "have formed a political partner
ship for the purpose of furthering their
respective ambitions for publio offloe." The
Tribune doesn’t have auy use for Gov.
Hill, and it is always arranging a combina
tion between him and some other publio
man by which It Is understood he is to be
assisted in climbing tbe political ladder.
According to that paper the governor
doesn’t do much else than arraugo combina
tions to promote his own selfish purposes.
It U a good thing for him that his reputa
tion doesn’t depend upon the Tribune.
One of the freight trains of the Hon.
Chauncey Depew’s railroad reoently struck
one of tho chin professor’s relatives at Pees
kill. But the report does not reveal that
any particular damage was done to the
train. Possibly a durable jaw is a family
heritage and Cousin George bad his with
him and used it as a life-preserver.
THE MORNING NEWS: FRIDAY, DECEMBER 25, 1891,
The Hutchinson's Island Contract.
It is not difficult to reach the conclusion
that the contract, by which Che Middle
Georgia and Atlantic railroad obtained from
the city control of Hutchinson’* Island, has
not bson complied with. It is doubtful if
the company expected to be able to comply
with it strictly, or if the council, or the
people of the city, expected it to be. There
was considerable opposition to the contract
on the part of the people whan it was made,
because it was thought that the city had
received a very small compensation for a
very valuable piece of property.
But the fact that the Island had been a
source of expense to the city for years, and
promised to continue to bo, prevented a
publio protest against the oontract.
It was thought that the railroad
company would at least keep tho island In
good sanitary condition, and that it might
improve it and utilize it in the way it pro
posed. It was argued that the city would
be the gainer If the railroad company kept
that part of its oontract relating to the
sanitary condition of the island.
It is probable that the railroad oompany
has done all that it agreed to do so far as
the oonditlon of the island la conoerned.
At least there have been no complaints
that the health of the city is endangered by
the island. But the other part of the con
tract—the part that requires the building
of a number of miles of railroad—has not
been oompiied with.
Hutchison’s Island Is a much more valua
ble property than it was when the oon
tract waa made. This increase in its
value Is due to Savannah’s improved
prospects and growing prosperity. The
efforts in behalf of deeper water in her har
bor and the certainty that she will become
the terminus of other railroads have greatly
increased the value of all real estate within
her limits and her immediate vicinity.
The increased value of the island, how
ever, should not influence the council in the
least In Us action with respoot to the city's
oontract with the railroad company. While
the company should be required to comply
with every important condition of the con
tract before being given title to the island —
especially those conditions relating to the
construction of seventy miles of railroad
lending out of the city, and the building of
a bridge across the river—the interests of
the city would suffer no injury if the time
for complying with the contract should be
extended. The fact oannot be ignored that
the last year has not been a favorable one
for railroad building in Georgia. But no
loop-boio should be loft by which the island
oouid be used to enrich speculators and Sa
vannah left without the projected railroad.
Alderman Cann’e Key-note.
Alderman Cann struck a key-note in the
oouncil meeting Wednesday night when he
oalled a halt in expenditures that are not ab
solutely necessary.
Street improvements, water works and
house drainage should have all the money
that can be spared for them, but there
should not be opened any new avenues of
expenses. In all the departments
the strictest economy should be
exercised. Committees, instead of seeking
to get all they can for their respective de
partments should strive to get along with
just as small an amount of money as possi
ble. This is a time when more oredit is
earned by saving money than by expending
it. The people not only of this olty but of
the entire south have been facing
a trying business situation for many
months, and the outlook Is still far from
encouraging. The councilman should keep
in mind that the low price of cotton affeots
Injuriously all kinds of business and that
the city’s revenues may not bo paid as
promptly during the coming year as they
have been heretofore.
Let the absolutely necessary publto Im
provements be pushed forward, but let no
expenses be incurred that can be avoided
without harm to tho pubilo interests.
At Indianapolis a few nights ago an In
cident occurred that was almost worthy of
grim old Brutus himself. Discovering a
thief in a drug store Policeman James Wil
son oalled for help. While two brother
officers stood guard outside Wilson climbed
In a rear window that had been left open by
the thief. Soon after two shots were heard
in quick succession, and then tho sounds of
a struggle. Then the men outside heard
Wilson's voice calling for help. Upon en
tering thoy found that Wilson had the
burglar down behind a cigar case. They
also saw that & stream of blood was flowing
from a bullet wound in Officer Wilson’s
head. It was then discovered that the man
he held pinioned to the floor was his own
son, a notorious criminal whom Gov. Hovey
had pardoned from tho penitentiary shortly
before tho latter’s death. But the wounded
officer delivered tho young man to the
other officers with instructions that he be
locked up. Apparently Spnrtan fortitude
has not wholly passed out of existence yet.
After reading a criticism of his views
upon the theories of faith curing from the
pen of a fellow minister a Pittsburg domi
nie emphatically pronounced his critic a
liar. Then he banged upon bis Bible and
continued to metaphorically rip bis de
tractor up the back with vigorous denunci
ation delivered from the pulpit that Is com
monly supposed to be dedicated to the uses
of gospel worship. Perverting the pulpit to
such unworthy purposes has come to be en
tirely too common an occurrence. If min
isters have animosities to settle they should
leave them outside of their churches and
attend to them privately.
With all of his distinguished army record
it must have cost Capt. Osborno more suf
fering and oalled for more grim courage to
publicly acknowledge that his wife is a
thief than all of tbe bard fighting be ever
did to make an honorable reputation. But
that le what tho captain was forced to do in
the London court when he withdrew his
suit against the wife of Maj. Hargreaves
for alauder Id charging Mrs. Osborne with
stealing her diamonds while a guest in the
house of Mrs. Hargreaves. All of this hu
miliation the soldier must bear simply be
cause he was so unwise as to marry a woman
who was os unscrupulous as she was vain
and frivolous. Some of the worthiest and
wisest of men seem to be utterly lacking in
judgment in the very important matter of
selecting wives worthy of them and adapted
to the life they lead.
Alabama seems to have rather a novel
campaign going on in tbe Birmingham
mining district. Under the rules it appears
to be incumbent upon each gubernatorial
candidate to kiss all tbe rosiest and prettiest
women of the mining towns. Not very
hard work either.
Russia is making very active prepara
tions for a scuttle with somebody. Whether
it is with Germany or England or China is
a question those powers would all like very
much to decide.
PERSONAL*
Henry Wattyrsor says that the farmers'
alliance is going to pieces.
• Secretary Foeriß is Improving in health,
and will be able to be driven out next week.
It is reported that ex Secretary Bayard is
to be the man to nominate Cleveland in the
democratic convention.
Sir Edwin Arnold calls Edgar Allan Poe the
“Callulus of American Literature," and thinks
he should be better appreciated.
Secretary Fort*:: c mtinues to grow stronger
daily. He will take a trip to Fortress Monroe
when he is strong enough to traveL
Ahcbduhh Erxst. residing In the Rainer
palace where Archduke Sigismund is dead of
influenza, haa also been stricken with the dis
ease.
Hor. F. A. Hobart believe* In taking time by
the forelock. He has already engaged his
hotel accommodate ! ;! for the Minneapolis con
vention.
H. T. Finch, the accomplished and candid
musical critic, is preparing a life of Wagner,
which his friends predict will be the best work
on the subject.
Capt. Alexander Rogers, United States
army, the world's (sir commissioner to Brazil,
ssjri that Brazil will hare an important ex
hibit at the fair.
Musical "experts" pronounoe bis name
Paddy Rewakl, PaJ Kevskl, Paderef ski, Pad
Rewski, l’addy Beffssew, and almost all ways
but the right way.
Lord Lyttor is tbe sixteenth earl who has
died during the last eleven months. England
lost 10 out of a total of 118, Ireland 4 out of C3,
Scotland 2 out of 42.
Messrs. Moody and Saneet hare started In
England an evangelical crusade. They propose
to conduct it in the same manner they did
through the United .-rates.
Tbe Princess of Sagan, who contributed more
than any one else to the fame of Worth, has a
villa that reproduce-! even to details the resi
dence of a Persian millionaire.
German papers still continue to criticise the
German emperor for placing the lino Suprema
lex regis voluntas above his name in the famous
golden book of tbe city of Munioh.
Miss Harriet O. Hosmer. the American
sculptor living in Rome, has sent word to this
country that her bronze statue of Queen Isa
bella will be completed next year.
John P. Richards >n of East Carroll, La., who
died last week. Is said to have conducted cotton
growing on a large: scale than any other one
man in this country, lie owned fifteen planta
tions and eight stores He was Rex in tbe last
Mardi i iras celebration in New Orleans. It was
bis brother James whom the newspapers at one
time reported as engaged to marry Miss Winnie
Davis.
The YOUROBBT speaker of the House of Rep
resentatives was R 31. T. Hunter of Virginia,
who was 30 at the ti ne of his election in 1839
He was afterward United States
Senator from Virginia from 1817
till 1861, aDd framed the low-tariff
Rot of 1867. A few months before bis death In
1387. poverty compelled him to accept toe in
significant post of revenue collector at Tap
pahannock, Va
BRIGHT BIT&
He—There’s a good deal to be said In favor of
cremation.
She (shivering)—Yes, Indeed. It’s so clean
and nice and—warm Puck.
“What did you get for your birthday?"
“A watch chain.'’
“Where is it? Let s see It."
“Can’t It’s with the watch.’’—Jewelers’ Cir
cular.
Hinting for Christmas—" Your eyes are blue
and shiny like torquolsee,which I like so much.”
"You do? and your eyes are deep and black
like my empty pockets, which I don’t .like.”
Comic.
A. If I were a minister I should hate to dine
at a banker's table.
B. Why?
A.—Think of threo days of graoel— FaJe
Record.
Jones—Did you hang up your stocking this
Christmas?
Brown (who has many friends, eto., to pro
vide for)—No; I hung up my watch.—Yale
Record.
Hojack—Are you going to make any good
resolutions this year?
Tomdik—No, I always break them.
Hojack—Then make a few bad ones this
time.—Epoch.
Mrs. Backup— Before we were married you
called me your “black-eyed hourl."
Backup—Ves; and my little blue-eyed,
freokled, red-haired darling didn’t murmur a
protest—Puck.
"Ark you pretty well acquainted with your
mother tongue, my boy?” asked the school
teaoherof the new scholar.
“Yes, sir,” answered the lad, timidly, “ma
jaws me a good deal, sir.”— The Comic.
He (highly obnoxious)—Good evening. You
remember me, I hope.
She (with assumed cordiality)—Yes, perfectly,
I am not one of those girls who have convenient
memories, you know.— Life.
Enough.—" Does your daughter speak the
languages?"
“Not to any extent. She can say ‘yes.’
though, In five of ’em, in case any foreign
noblemen asss her to marry.”—Puck.
Smythe—l dropped a cent In front of a blind
beg.ar to day to see if he’d pick it up.
Tompkins—Wei), did he?
Bmytne—N’uj he said, ‘‘.'lake it a dollar, boss,
and I’ll forget myself.”— Colorado Sun.
Chicago Wom an—l called to see about getting
a divorce.
Lawyer—What will be your charge?
Chicago Woman—That's all right; I won’t
chargo you anything. —New York Herald.
Public Spirited Citizen— l am taking up a
collection for a monument to EM Wbituey, the
Inventor of the cotton gin. Can you
Indignant Old Lady—Fer tho laud’s sake!
They’ll bo raisin’ money next to build a monu
ment to tho inventor of peach brandy! You git
out o’ hero '.—Chicago Tribune.
Servant (to professor who is very busy with
an experiment)—Excuse me, professor, but I
take liberty of calling your attention to the
fact that it was twenty-five years ago, from
this day, that I entered your service.
Professor—But, my dear man, must this be
just to-day?— Hiegende Matter.
Stage Manager—By Jove, there’s a nlce'thing
happening on the stage ?
Proprietor—Eh? what’s up?
Stage Maoager—The hero and the vflllan aro
doing their duel act. and the latter won’t die
until you signal him that he'll get his arrears of
salary at the ead of the piece.— The Comic.
CURRENT COMMENT.
Outlawry Teat Amazes Oklahoma
From the Guthrie News (Ind.).
Chicago is nothing if not sensational. Last
Tuesday, in the center of the business portion
of the city, five men held up a mail wagon with
drawn revolvers and secured about SO,OOO, and
escaped.
“Sorter” Makes ’Em Kick.
From the Providence Journal (Ind).
It Is notloeable that most of tbe republicans
who declare their opinion that Harrison is tbe
logical candidate of their party do so in the tone
of a man who should say that he must take his
medicine.
Harrison is Hoodooed.
the Buffalo Express (Rep.).
Tbe Exvrtss finds nothing to commend In the
Elkins appointment. Mugwump and democratic
journals will discover much to condemn. If any
republican organ knows aught to say in defense
of the appointment it cannot be said too soon.
It will be urged that Mr. Elkins was appointed
to please Mr. Blaine. It is true that Elkins has
stood very dose to Blaine, but if Mr. Blaine
had been President he would have known too
much and bad too much sense of propriety to
put his friend in tbe cabinet.
Broke Into the Cabinet for Business.
From the Evening Post (Jnd.).
There can be no question that Stepen B
Elkins, whom the President has made Sec
retary of War. is one of the moat representa
tive republicans of his time. We doubt If there
could bo found in the country to-day a man
who typifies more perfectly than he does the
principles an<l tendencies of tbe latter-day re
publican politician. He is, os one of the repub
lican “boys” of the city described himself to be
last night, a "republican from the crown of his
head to the soles of his feet.” For more than
twenty years he hns been devoting all his ener
gies to the cultivation of Republicanism as he
understands It—that is, has been making his
politios and his business work together for tho
good of Stephen B. Elkina The skill with
which he has directed those energies Is shown
by the grand results. Ho Is to-day a very rich
uran and a member of the cabinet.
Couldn’t Bee a Man Wits a Cold.
I beard a very good story the other eight
about Richard Mansfield and Robert Louis
Stevenson which lias never been published, says
a wri'er in the Boston .Vetrs. Mansfield was in
London preparing for his American tour. There
was some difficulty in regard to the production
of "Dr. Jekyli ani Mr Hvde." so he felt that
he ought to meet Mr Stevenson and nave a
thorough understanding in regard to the mat
ter. Accordingly the next day ne sent a note
to Mr. Stevenson asking for an interview.
"Meet me to morrow at 111 a m. was the re
ply
The next morning Mr. Mansfield presented
himself at the lodgings of Mr. Stevenson He
was unfit to to out, as be was suffering from a
1 ad cold. However, he felt that it would be im
proper for him to break the appointment. He
sent up his carl to Mr. Stevenson. In a few
moments the servant came down stairs. Mr.
Stevenson will see you presently."
in a few moments a gentleman entered the
room. Mr. Mansfield arose, thinking he had
met Mr. Stevenson. He began to cough
violently, and sneezed several times. When he
finished one of his fits sneezing he look dup
and said : "Oh, I beg your pardon. I thought
you were Mr. Stevenson.”
“No,” t-aid the gentleman, “I’m Lloyd Os
bourne lam Mr. Stevenson's frierd.” Then
the following conversation took place:
"You are Mr. Mansfield, I presume?”
“Yes. that is my name.”
"Beautiful day, Mr Mansfield.”
“Yes. the weather is charming. But Mr. Os
borne, I have an engagement with Mr. Steven
son." Here Mansfield again begins to cough
and sneeze.
"You have a bad cold, Mr. Mansfield.”
"Yes, a wry bad cold. It’s your London
weather. I would like very much to see Mr.
Stevsnson. ”
"0, yes, to be sure. You want to see Mr.
Stevenson. That's a very bad cold, Mr. Mans
field."
"Mr. Osbourne. I appreciate the fact thst I
have a very bad cold. I did not come here, how*
ever, Mr. Osbourne, to tell you all about iny
cold. The faot la I want to see Mr. Stevenson,
and as my time is limited 1 would like to see him
at once, lam to sail for America to-morrow,
and as I have many engagements for to day I
wantth- interview at once." (Mansfield again
begins to sneese and cough.)
"Yes, Mr. Mansfield," said Mr, Osbourne,
"but your cold you "
"Well, I will acknowledge again that I have a
cold. It Is of great Importance that 1 arrange
this at once. I cannot talk about my cold all
day.”
"But, Mr. Mansfield, that cold "
"Damn the cold. I ”
"But you cannot see Mr. Stevenson. You
have such a bad cold, and Mr. Stevenson will
not meet a gentleman with a cold. He fears
it is so catching, you know. You’ll have to
call azain.”
Exit Mansfield.
How She Livrd Up to the Motto.
‘‘No, George.” she said firmly, as she drew
away from his outstretched arms, "I can never
many you. I cannot even become engaged to
you."
He pleaded with her, hut to no purpose He
promised to reform; every Chicago Tribune
man does that at such a time, because he con*
eiders it the proper thing to do, even if he
doesn’t know exactly how or what he is going
to reform. He promised to do everything that
she wished; to devote his entire life to making
her happy; to work night and day to be worthy
of her.
But she shook her head.
He begged her if she cared the least little bit
for him to take him on probation If he did
not live np to his promise the engagement
could be broken.
‘lt cannot be, Oeorge," she amid, sadly.
"Would that it could! But we have formed a
society, George—ten or twelve of us—and we
have adopted a motto and sworn to live up
to it."
‘‘What is it?” he asked anxiously.
"Lips that touch wine shall never touch
mine."
He drew himself up proudly, aDd, striking his
breast with his fist, exc aitnei:
"Mary, do I look like a man who drinks
wine?"
"But. George, sometimes your breath "
“Do I look like a man who can aiford to drink
wine?" he continued. "No, Mary, never? Keep
your vow—far be it from me to tux you to
break such a solemn oath! But come to my
arms and say, 'Yes,' Mary. Whisky has always
been good enough forme.”
Owing to a trifling doubt In her mind as to
whether she had lived up to the spirit ot the
motto she may resign from the society.
Poor Opinion of Hlmaelf.
He had a girl on his arm and was hunting the
“license office,” says the Detroit /Yes Press.
When he found ft and had drawn up along
side the clerk's desk he chuckled a bit and re
marked. nodding his head toward the young
lady; “See this gal, mister; she’s jast the big
gest fool in ten states, she Is."
“She doesn’t look it," responded the gallant
clerk, with a bow.
“P’raps not; but she Is, mister.”
Theyirl gave him a tender little shake and
told him to bush up.
“Listen at her." be said to the elrrk, with a
chuckle; “listen at her. Don't know nothin’
‘bout herself at all, she don't, Wants rae to
hush up, but I won't. Say, mister, oan't we get
alioanse here?"
“A marriage license?" Inquired the clerk.
“That’s wnat,” he answered, with confident
pride.
"For you and this young lady," asked the
clerk again.
“You bet it atyt no other, mister," be said,
slapping the clerk across the shoulders. The
clerk made It out, banded It over and took the
fee.
"Didn't I tell you she was the biggest fool in
ten states," he said, as he stuck tho lloense into
his pocket.
"Look at her, will you? Slick as a whistle
and as purty as a yearhn’ caW. Got a 100-acre
farm, too. In her own right, and she’s goin’ to
marry a feller like rae. Now say, mister, did
you ever hear of sioh a fool trick as that?” and
he chuckled till be shook all over.
The Fluffy Girl Defined.
A New York Recorder young man, speaking
of a girl to a matron of hlsiacquaintance, re
cently, said:
• ‘O, she’s one of these fluffy girls."
"My dear boy." said the matron, "wbat on
earth is a fluffy girl?”
“Why, don't you know?" replied the young
man. "A girl who has blue eyes, golden hair,
brilliant coloring, and like a bit of Dresden
china. A girl who is always bitched up in a big
arm-chair and has a plaintive tale of woe to
confide to you—not to you, my dear madam,
but to me—to some man. The girl who
wears charming gowns all frills and
ribbons and hopelessly intricate to mas
culine eyes; who Is always delightfully clean,
with fresh curled hair, who affects certain per
fumes, has curious gestures and modes of ex
pression; who wears tinkling ornaments at her
wrists and quantities of rings on her lingers;
who abounds in parasols, tans and suawls,
which we men carry trailing humbly about in
her wake. This is the fluffy girl, and. my dear
lady, long experience with her has taught me
that Bhe usually possesses a temperas fluffy as
her gown.”
Littl* Marjorie is by no moans fond of go
ing to church, says tho Youth's Companion.
She has to sit too still, and “the man” talks
about things she can not yet understand.
“What’s it for, mamma?” she askod one day
“What do you go to church for?” Mamma tried
to tell her tho reasons, and concluded by say
ing: “And when you can’t understand what
the minister means you must remember he is
talking about good and beautiful things; and
you must make up your mind to think of some
thing good yourself.” That day Marjorie was
very quiet in churoh. and her mother praised
her for It on the way home. “I did just as you
told me.” said the wee maid. “I thought of
something good.” -‘What was it, dearie?"
"Apple pie!"
Photographer—ls there any particular way
In which you would like to b<- taken?
Mr. Sim Johnsing—Yes, sah If dere's no de
jection. I'd like to be taken a light cream color
Smith-Oray Monthly.
Guide (to old maid)—There, my dear madame!
We have seen the organ and the nave, now I
will lead you to the altar.
0. M.—O, you dear, good man! will you
really?—German Paver.
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Items of interest. ~
New York people tell of the following Inci
dent that occurred at a wedding In the village :
All went merrily until the bridegroom was
called upon to produce the wedding ring. In
vain he felt in his trousers’ pocket for thelndls
pensabi" article. Nothing could be found ex
cept a hole, through which the ring had evi
dently fallen into his boot which he wore. What
w3 he to do? "Take your hoot off," said the
parson. The suspense and silence were painful.
The organist at the dominie's bidding, struck
up a "voluntary.” The young man removed
his boot, the ring was found, also a hole in his
stocking, and the worthy minister remarked,
evidently _ with more than the ceremony in
mind, "Y’oung man, it is time you were mar
ried."
For over a year there have been rumors re
garding the existence of a large serpent at lake
Kenosha, three miles west or Danbury, but ev
ery one who heard the Btory received it with in
ereduiity. But the rumor grew in spite of skep
ticism, and the thoughtless were forced Anally
to admit that perhaps there was something iu
It. Last Friday Edward M Baldwin and George
Downs were fishing in the lake Both are total
abstainers and are elderly business men, op
posed to notoriety in every way. They were
engaged in hauling in fish, when suddenly to
the west of them a huge bead poked itself out
of the water and contemplated the
fishermen. This was thirty feat away from
their boat. One of the men said it was not un
like the head of a pug dog. but dark brown or
black In color. Both the fishermen lost Inter
est In thir fishing and fastened their attention
on the serpent. After viewing tho fishermen
for a few minutes the serpent move-1 toward
them some ten feet, and his entire body was
seen on the surface of the water. It wss from
to feel long and moved slowly
and easily, in the manner of a huge
snake. It took a seoond view of the
fishermen for a few seconds and
then dived. The sight unnerved the fisherman
at first but they resolved to have a nearer look.
They saw the serpent perhaps half a dozes
tirn> abut were unstable to secure a closer in
spection of It. Monday the story was corrobor
ated, with more particulars, bv John Clark, a
hotel proprietor; Theodore Clark, tho big box
manufacturer and many others who have seen
the serpent. These men say the serpent is as
thick as a dog’s body.
William Hexry Blakeney, son of William
Blakeney and brother of the famous Mme.
Muzard, the beautiful mistress of the late
William IV., King of Holland, died recently at
the family New York homestead at Ogdensburg,
aged about 64 years. This leaves but one near
blood relative of the noted beauty, Mrs. Charles
Pike, of No. 101 First place. Brooklyn. The
Blakeney fortune came from the coffers of
William IV. William Henry's sister, Henrietta,
five years ago turned the heads of all New
York men-about-town with her ravishing
beauty. She was considered one of the
most beautiful women iu America. Before
she reached the ago of 3! an a’lache of t e
court of Holland took her before King
At illiam, and her fortune and fame were
made. The king’s infatuation was no secret,
and when eight j cars later she died ber parents,
William and Hannah, and her brother William
I Fonry a id her sister Mary Ann received a fort
lino in Jewels and money from her estate.
Later the father died and the children received
his share. Then the mother died and William
and Mary Ann received a third fortune. The
dissipation by William Henry slnoe that time
reduced hlui, it is said, to almost abject pov
erty. Though unable to write bis own name,
he once published a newspaper In New York.
He spent money lavishly at the race courees and
on wine. Three years aeo he was declared incom
petent to manage his estate an 1 trustees to do
so were appointed He fought the oasefsnd
again secured control of his property. Two
years ago ho robbed his wife of costly dresses
aud jewels and presented them to a married
woman in Haverstraw. He also smashed hun
drede of dollars’ worth of furniture in the
house. His wife then left him, securing a large
alimony. Since then he had continued his wild
and reckless career until It resulted in bis itl
n©Ks. Mrs. Pike, Mme Muzard's living sister, I? a
queenly womanjand his managed her fortune
so that it lias doubled. The mother, Mrs
Blakeney, knew so little about the care of
mouey that for years slip carried 860,000 worth
of government bonds In her bosom. The father
met death while intoxicated, falling over a bank
in his carriage.
Tiie aperture in the tube of a thermometer,
says the Scientific American, is smaller than
the finest hair. Though it appears to be round,
it is not; if it were, the mercury could not be
easily seen. It is, therefore, made fist, and
then the glass magnifies it so that It seems to
he quite large. To bring it out still more dis
tinctly, a maker of Boston recently conceived
the idea of backing the tabe with a thin Aim of
white sizing. This device is now generally
adopted by tho foreign makers. Mercury is
generally used In thermometers because it is
more regular In its contraction and ex
pansion. It is. indeed, impossible
to make a spirit thermometer that
will be as trustworthy as one in which mercury
is used. In a mercurial thermometer the degree
marks are all the same distance apart, because
the expansion under all conditions is uniform;
but in a spirit thermometer the degrees are
wider apart at the top, because the expansion
increases at a greater ratio after a certain tem
perature is reached. . Though not so trust
worthy, BDirit thermometers are necessary, as
mercury freezes at 40° below zero, .spirits of
wine is generally used, and is colored red, so
that It will be more visible to the eye.
In a correct thermometer, the scale is
graduated to the requirements of the tube to
which it is fitted, so that every correct ther
mometer must have a special scale of its own.
That is to say, it wouldn’t do to put the tube of
one thermometer in the frame of another. Of
course, in the very cheap grades of thermome
ters such accurate adjustments are not made,
and therefore their records are only approxi
mately correct. The best thermometer tube
made will cost about *5: but a thermom
eter may be made to cost almost any price,
according to tho wav fat it is mounted
As every one knows, the Fahrenheit
scale is that most commonly used in this
country Fahrenheit arbitrarily assumed a
limit of cold which he termed zero. This makes
the freezing point 82° above zero and the boil
ing point 212° above zero. Asa matter of fact,
however, in northern latitudes the temperature
ia winter frequently falls below the zero point,
so that there is no scientific reason why the
zero point in the Fahrenheit scale should
be where it Is. A much more
scientific scale is that known as the
centigrade, which marks the point at which
water freezes as zero, and divides the space be
tween that and the point at which water bolls
Into 100°. In the Reaumur scale zero marks
the freezing point and 80° above zero the boil
ing point. Many self-registering thermometers
are now used. These instruments mark the
highest or lowest temperature reached, as the
case may be, so that one may return at night
feeling assured that the weather can play no
pranks without his learning of them.
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L. A- MCCARTHY’S,
46 DRAYTON BT.