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PUBLISHED EVERY THURSDAY
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DR. D. M. BREAKER, Editor.
Office in the Smith building, east of the
depot.
TERMS—SI.OO per annum, 60 cents for
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Eiftv numbers to the volume.
TOPICS OF THE DAT.
Is Boston 300 ladies operate at stock
heard*.
Congress, like ail other great bodies,
moves slowly.
We mat just as well record this as the
Lunatic Epoch.
Oscar Wilde, the too too poet, wants
8200 a night for lecturing.
The music in Beecher's church, the
past year, cost $5,720.
People who live in glass houses should
pull down the blinds, of course.
Ths losses by fire in the United States,
for 1881, aggregate 8100,000,000.
The past warm weather interfered
wiry seriously with pork packing.
■ ■ ■ '■ ' ~
Ths Land League, a revolutionary
paper in Ireland, is now conducted by
ladies.
Washington is to have a newspaper
called Common Sense. A Capital idea.
♦
The .Tews are having a terrible time of
it in Odessa. They are a persecuted
race.
»
Eleven thousand dollars were the re
ceipts at once of Patti’s matinees, it
Boston.
Ohio is not, nor is she likely to be
represented in the Cabinet. Paste that
in your hat
Mrs. LangCbv, the English beauty,
has made her debut on a London stage,
thanks to our “stars.”
Speaker Keiper is charged by the
New York Tribune with being “ Weet
ern iu his manners.” That’s “worse’ll
s tealin'.”
It is stated now that Guiteau wrote
the Morey letter. What that fellow
hasn’t done is perhaps not in the crim
inal catalogue.
Capt. Dave Paine, with eight or more
of his followers, have invaded the Okla
homa lands, and anticipate no trouble
from the authorities.
Smokers will lie pleased to learn that
of eight inmates dying of smallpox in
one tenement house, in New York, all
were cigar makers.
Greenb rcKERs are holding meetings
preparatory to moving on Congress. It
seems that the money question is bother
ing nearly everybody.
Mark Twain is living in Canada, just
so as to get a copyright ou his last new
book. When that is done he will return
to the United States again.
Mr. Seth 8. Bishop, M. D., of No.
208 Ogden avenue, Chicago, publishes a
statement showing Guiteau, the mur
derer, committed* forgery when in that
eity.
Contrary to refiort respecting the
President's opposition to women, he has
sent the names of two of the fair sex to
the Senate for confirmation as Post
mistresses.
An exchange says President Grevy,
although he gete a salary of $200,000 a
year, makes his own coffee. Well, there
is nothing so bad about that. Jay
Gould drinks his.
A paper at Quincy, lIL, has discov
ered that a great many household arti
cles get misplaced and lost, but some
how, almost any family can keep fifty
two cards together.
“ KiEPn ” is a German word, and
signifies to scold, to chide. The only
difference between this word and the
name of the new Speaker is the trans
position of the letters "i” and “e.”
Is this the Great Eastern ? No, it is
a Cincinnati girl’s shoe. See how easy
it is to be mistaken.— Chicago Tribune.
Is this a joke ? No, it is Chicago wit.
, ' See how easy it is to be a Chicago wit ?
—Cincinnati Gazette..
■ I
The St James Gazette remarks that
hereafter the European powers will be
obliged to recognize the fact that the
United States has a foreign policy of its
own. We should judge there is some
truth in this State seen k
♦
Beginning with January 1, Omaha
will be operated under the SI,OOO
license law. By this it is proposed to
limit the sale of liquors to but few houses.
The success or failure of this law will
be awaited with interest.
Ettwaed 8. Stokes, the slaywr of Jim
Fisk, having met with great pecuniary
The North Georgian.
VOL. I V.
success in California, is living in e very
extravagant manner in New York, and
Joaie Mansfield is in New York, leading
a quiet life ou her own means.
According to statistics the export of
bntter from this country to Europe in
the past year has fallen off one-half.
The cause is attributed to the manufac
ture here of oleomargarine, and the
English don’t care about being fooled.
Senator Hawley attended the Cjd
teau trial a few days ago, and says :
“ Guiteau is the shrewdest man in the
Court-room, and cannot be called insane
pi any sense of the word.” That opin
ion seems to pretty generally prevail.
Guiteau is possessed of a keen percep
tion. When his sister, Mrs. Scoville,
the other day, told a witness she desired
to ask a question, she was interrupted
by the prisoner with the remark ; “ You
keep still. It’s all they can do to put
up with me. ” How truly ho spoke.
Here, is a paragraph for those young
men who have never learned their alpha
bet : Senator Joe Brown, of Georgia,
was twenty years old before ho learned
to read. At thirty-three he was elected
to a judgeship, and at thirty-seven he be
came Governor. He is now, at sixty
eight, a United States Senator.
The Director of the Mint has caused
a calculation to be made of the cost of
silver bullion which has been coined
into dollars during the three years end
ing June 30, 1881. He finds a profit
of $9,752,210. For example, the peo
ple paid $72,000,000 in gold for silver
bullion which they coined into about
$81,700,000 in silver.
It is thought that Secretary Freling
huysen will pursue the same course os
that taken by Blaine on the subject of
naturalization. This is that a foreigner
taking the oath of allegiance and be
coming a citizen of the United States
occupies the same ground as the native
born, and that he is released from all
claims his original Government had
jjpon,hiim , , .
A Piute Princess married an Indian
Agent named Hopkins recently, and is
now coming East to lecture. She was
educated at a Catholic seminary in Cali
fornia. Speaking of the Indian Agents
in general, she says: "We do not object
to the Agent clasping the sack in the
middle and retaining half of our allow
ance, bu» when he empties all there is
into his own store and throws us the
empty sack, then we object.”
“ Mashing,” as usually understood,
is the act of captivating the heart of the
opposite sex on sight. The “mashing”
process, however, is not alwavs snrrr ss
fnl, and the effort, when directed to a
respectable person, is universally ac
cepted as the grossest insult. In New
York the police have instructions to
collar and march to the station-house all
“mashers” who, by their wanton ad
vances, insult respectable ladies.
■— ——
In the Cleveland High School, educa
tional cramming has gone on to such an
extent that 25 per cent, of the girls and
18 per cent of the boys have been com
pelled to quit school on account of bad
health. Os these invalids 95 per cent,
were well when they entered, only 5 per
cent, being classed as delicate. Since
taking a rest thirty-eight continue unim
proved, thirty-five have got well, twenty
five are said to be in fair health, and two
have died. The above statements arc
made on authority of a member of the
Board of Education, who seems to hove
given the matter careful study.
♦ ■
We. quote from the Cincinnati Gazette
(Rep.) of the 16th inst. : “Our Wash
ington correspondent gives in a dispatch
the particulars of a scheme of stupen
dous grandeur, which is the true inward
ness of our recent diplomacy with Peru
and Chili. It is a scheme which makes
the Credit Mobilier a two-penny matter
by comparison. It is no Jess than that
a ring of American adventurers, having
high political connections, have set up,
ai by purchase, a claim of $900,000,001?
against Peru, and they propose to have
our government “mediate,” and require
Peru to transfer her guano and niter
beds to thia company, who shall farm
them, and pay, first, themselves, next
the indemnity to Chili, and next the sur
plus to Peru. Thus does the great South
American Credit Mobilier stand revealed
as the promoter of our Peruvian diplo
macy.
» ■
Mark Twain, at the banquet to him
•t Montreal the other evening, said : “I
speak French with timidity, and not
flowingly—except when excited. I had
hoped that mere French construction—
with English words—would answer, but
thia is not the case. I tried it at a gen
tlemen's house in Quebec, but it would
not work. The maid-servant asked :
* What would Monsieur ?’ I said, ‘ Mon-
BELLTON. BANKS COUNTY. GA.. DECEMBER 22, 1881.
sieur So and So, is he with himself?’
She did not understand. I said : *ls it
that he is still not returned of his bouse
of merchandise!’ She did not under
stand that either. I said : ‘He will
desolate himself when he learns that his
friend American was arrived and he not
with himself to shake him at the hand.’
She did not even understand that; I
don’t know why, but she didn’t, and she
lost her temper besides. Somebody in
the rear called out: • e»t done las
or words to that effect She said : ‘Cezt
un fou,' and shut the door ou me.”
There seems to be considerable swin
dling done in the oyster trade. The
Meat Inspector of Pittsburg has been
investigating the subject, and from his
report the Pittsburg Pott publishes the
following;
“One gallon of oysters which cost ninety
cents weighed three pounds aud seven ounces
less than it should have weighed, and contained
39 39-100 per cent, of water. Another gallon,
which also cost ninety cents, was three pounds
and l ight ounces short in weight, and con
tained 40 per cent, of water. Still another
gallon, which coat sl, contained 14 44-100 per
cent, of water. A gallon of oysters should
weigh eight pounds and twelve ounces. The
Inspector also submitted a statement showing
that from August 25, 1880, to April 5, 1881, 60,-
000 gallons of oysters and been received and
sold in the two cities. Street peddlers sold 9,-
500 gallons, to which they added 7,125 gallons
of water or 75 per cent. Os the balauce re
ceived retail dealers sold 5,800 gallons, to which
they added 2,175 gallons of water or 37J-£ per
cent. Wholesale dealers added 12X percent, of
water. To the entire 60,000 gallons of oysters,
14,664 gallons of water or 24 44-1000 per cent,
was added.”
If this is the case among oyster deal
ers at Pittaburg, the probability is that
the'same practices are generally indulged
elsewhere.
PRIVATEERING.
Operation* ■> tiring; the F. lattice nth On*
tury on the High Keaa.
[PrMer'B Magazine.)
In former days the treasure-ships be
ll urged to the enemy until they became
outs by capture ; in the present age the
t.»e* u-te mi < Ihewhiim tliwt carry iv'ara"
English, and it, is difficult to picture the
consternation in the city on hearing of
the loss of some steamer bringing home
ward a rich freight of diamonds from
the Cape, or of gold from Australia.
But as we hung steadfastly to the right
of making prize of the Spanish plate
ship, it is not to bo expected that any
enemy which fate may now send us will
waive his claim to the English steam
ers, if only he has the power to assert
it; and against that it behooves us to be
or. our guard. It seems, however, prob
able that, under the existing rules of the
Declaration of Paris, but few large
prizes will be made, such as founded
many a fortune in the last or earlier cen
turies, when international scruples did
not exist, and naval opinion was abso
lutely single as to the advisability and
even necessity of making captures and
sharing them out among the captors.
This opinion, rooted in the “custom” of
the sea. was as old as the English nation,
and had descended from the days of
Hengist and ILrsa, of Harry Page— the
Arripay of the French chroniclers—of
Drake, or Frobisher, or Lancaster,
down to the time when Commodore
Wager took the great galleon, or Anson
gutted the Aloapulco ship.
The stories of such times seem to the
seamen of to-day, like fairy tales of
childhood, too good to be true; but
from a strictly naval point of view they
have their dark side; and it is very cer
tain that of the quarrels between senior
officers which so often disgraced our
service, a great number were due, di
rectly or indir. ctly, to the natural but
uncmvalroun desire of making money.
The bitter feud between Rodney and
Arbuthnot, on the coast of North Amer
ica, in 1780, was one of these. The
friendly relations between Lords St.
Vincent and Nelson, which led to such
glorious results, were interrupted by a
lawsuit on their rival claims for prize
money ; and the ill feeling which Nelson
and Sir John Orde entertained for each
other was at least strengthened by pe
cuniary considerations. Lord Howe’s
conduct on the “Ist of June” was
angrily criticised by many, as though he
might have rendered the victory still
more decisive had he not been over
anxious about the security of the prizes.
Sir John Jervis was similarly spoken of
alter tue buttle of St. Vincent; and after
the battle of the Nile, the burning of
several of the prizes, whose preservation
would have taxed the efficiency of the
fleet, appeared to Nelson a measure of
very grave responsibility, aa defrauding
the men under his command of the
money to which they were justly en
titled.
The bitterness which frequently arose
out of considerations of prize money
was undoubtedly increased by the dis
proportionate share of the senior officers.
Os the prizes just referred to as burned
at the Nile, Nelson estimated the share
of the Commander-in-Chief ae £3,750,
of a Captain as £1,000; but a Lieuten
ant as £75, and of a seaman as £2 Is.
Id. In the face of such figures, it is all
very well to talk of prize-money as
encouraging seamen to do their duty;
but ite principal use was to offer great
chances to the senior officers, and ite
real evil woe the promoting jealousy and
ill-will between the flag officers and even
the Captains. This, however, naval
officers would have been slow to ao
knowledge.
The Poor Sea Islanders.
“ Here let me ask the sympathies of all
people for the poor South Sea Islanders
who are held as degraded slaves on the
Sandwich Islands. The other serfs can in
Home way be heard. The Chinese coolies
Vre, perhaps, better off than they were
in China ; anyway, they are able to take
care of themselves, and they have more
than once thrown defiance in the face of
the Hawaiian Government. The Portu
gese have a sort of Consul in Honolulu
'■id also the Bishop of the Catholic
uroh to whom t hey can appeal in some
respects; the Mexicans, arid there are
quite a number on the island now, have
also a Consul. Ido not know how it is
about the Norwegians and others, but
being white men they can probably bo
heard. But no hearing can alleviate
their galling servitude. They may be
simply counseled to obedience. It is
different with the South Sea Islanders.
They have no Consul, nobody to repre
>eut them, aud as they are ignorant of
soth the Hawaiian and English lan
guages, they are virtually deaf and
dumb, and are driven about by signs,
precisely like beasts of burden. In
their own islands they never labored be
yond fishing and picking cocoanuts
enough to sustain life. They were free
and independent men, subject alone to
the call of their chief. When arriving
on the plantations they find that they
must work from daylight till dark aud
their food is not fit for hogs. They are
a simple, child-like race, and not lieing
inured to hardship they find their chains
cutting into them. The mortality
among them, both ou the slaves while
they are coming to the islands and on
the plantations, is frightful. They at
times die off like sheep that have the
rot. They are a sad sight as they ar
rive, aud to see them with tin labels
around their necks, and numbers thereon
Io designate them, as they go along, de
jected and aimless looking, is a sight
that would move any heart (not hard
ened) with pity.
“I will narrate a touching incident
connected with one of those poor crea
tures. He was working on one of the
other islands, got sick, and by some
means came to Honolulu to go to the
hospital. The steamer ou which he was
ou board arrived in Honolulu on Sunday,
but the authorities took no stops
to see into the case of the
unfortunate South Sea Islander, ns
people there are very careful not to
»]jtel'k th» Siihba'h. O': Monday morn
mg somebody made it his business to
inform the authorities that there was
a hospital patient on board the steamer,
and when the proper authorities weut ou
board they found the poor South Sea
Inlander dead. Ho was literally mur
dered through carelessness, through in
human aud brutal neglect. I was iu
Honolulu at the time, and I only heard
one man who denounced this merciless
indifference, and that was Dr. McKib
ben, juu., who did uot hesitate to name
the brutality m its proper terms. But I
can not give you a perfect picture of the
degradation that exists on the planta
tions, and of the utterly wretched condi
tian of the serfs. The dead South Sea
Islander is but one, no doubt, of many
who die like dogs, and are put out of
sight as soon as possible.— Honolulu
Cor. San Erancisco Chronicle.
Horses That Stumble.
In the matter of stumbling, Capt
Hayes (in his book “Riding on the Flat
and Across the Country”) goes into ite
theory, tlrawing distinctions that may
be very serviceable. He explains that
there are two kinds of stumbling. One
is really dangerous, when the horse is
either weak in the forelegs, or cramped
in the action, or with the physical de
fect of two straight shoulders. But
when stumbling arises from the knee
being insufficiently bent, or the toe un
duly depressed, thereby catching upon
any inequality in the ground, it may bo
safely disregarded, unless the animal is
intended for show rather than use. Wo
may add, for ourselves, that we have
ridden excellent horses with this fail
ing ; that, frequently as they might trip
or stumble, experience told us that
they were absolutely sure-footed; but
that what we chiefly object to was, that
in cases when they were nervous, each
trip led almost invariably to a success
ion of others. That such stumbling
comes of a slovenly manner of going
there can be no doubt
It happens comparatively seldom in
exhilarating weather, or when the horse
has been brought fresh out of the sta
ble ; but when listless and languid, or
when fatigue begins to tell, then you
are quickly made aware of his condi
tion by his blundering. Capt. Hayes’
chapter on flat-racing, and steeple
chasing and training will be read with
interest, even by amateurs. He backs
up his own opinions and experienced on
these subjects by communications from
well-known trainers and jockeys. As to
giving “orders” in a race, his ideas seem
to us very sensible. With a young hand
instruction may be necessary, but if
the jockey be a fairly good one, the rid
ing should be left to his discretion.
It is impossible to foresee all possible
circumstances, and decisions must lie
taken on the spur of the moment. As
for starting, he calls attention for “ get
ting off ”as quickly as possible—a mat
ter in which, though it is obviously of
paramount importance,' some people
would appear to be strangely indiffer
ent. As he says, “whatever distance is
lost at the start must be made up when
the horses are galloping, at winch time
the effort to regain the lost lengths may
very possibly be equivalent to throwing
away an advantage of as many pounds,
j — London Saturday Review.
There are 13,000,000 cows in the
1 United States. This is more than are
, kept by any nation in Europe, Germany
havine the nearest, 8.062,221.
The Society Boy.
There was a little company up on Day
ton street, aud during the entertainment
the hostess dragged her hopeful to the
front to “speak a piece.”
“Come, Johnny, like a good boy, and
speak ‘ Mary’s little lamb ’ for the ladies
and gentlemen."
Johnny knew that there was remu
neration in the background, and, the
preliminaries having Deen arranged in
an uudertone, slicked his hair and
started in :
“ Mary had n little flrec*.
Its snow was whit** as wool,
And every time that Mary lambed
That fleece would go to school.”
“Now, now, Johnny,” said his mother)
“you know that isu’t right. Say it just
as you did this afternoon and I'll—;”
here she broke into a maternal whisper,
and the inevitable nuisance turned up
again:
“ Mary had a little lamh,
Whose white was snow Mt fleece,
And everywhere that Mary went
That lamb would go apiece.”
“Johnny, Johnny, "chided the mother.
“That isn’t quite right. Speak it right
this time. The ladies and gentlemen
never heard it. Now go on. ”
Once more the common and inextin
guishable fraud went at it:
“ Mary had a little snow,
Its fleece was lined with white,
And everywhere the lamb would go
Mary was sure to bite.”
“What a naughty boy!” exclaimed
the proud mother, who had been train
ing the cub all the afternoon for this
display, “ Now speak it right or mamma
won’t kiss you when you go to bed.”
Thus prepared, the insect perpetrated
himself once more:
” Mary had a 11 1 tie wool,
Its fleece was lined with snow.
And everyone that Mary fleeced,
The white was sure to show.”
“I’m ashamed of you, Johnny, that
you don’t speak it right. You must do
it this lime or mamma will have to pun
ish you."
“ I won’t!” bawled the urchin.
But his mother promised him some
additional candies, or buns, or clams or
something that bud the gnat, social ad
vantage of lying heavily on his stomach,
and the wretch began to bawl:
“Mary had a little school,
Itw snow was fleece as lamb,
And everywhere that Mary went,
You’d surely And that ram.”
Then the guests very properly inter
sered, and said it was a shame to tor
ment the sweet child. He had done no
bly, and should have his pay right off.
And his toother packed him iff to bed
while the company found solace in the
reflection that he would probably burst
his head before morning bawling with
the stomachache aud writhing under the
nightmare.— Brooklyn Eagle.
Only One News-Stand.
There is only one newspaper in Ven
ice and one crier of papers in the streets,
and this vendor makes a noise between a
yelp and a bay—a sad but desperate
noise, as if Ids epiglottis had been struck
by lightning and he was about to expire
iu mortal agony. I bought a Paris pa
per from him—about all he carries—but
it didn’t seem to do him any good.
The saddest thing in Venice is the ab
sence of newspapers. I have never yet
seen one in the hands of anybody but a
traveler. The red-faced Venetian site
lazily under the half-drawn curtain that
takes the place of door to his shop,
waiting for customers, knowing nothing
of the world without; the women, bare
footed or in toe-slippers, shuffle and gos
sip about; but no one has a newspaper
or a book ; the somber gondolier quar
rels for an extra contesimi from his pas
senger, but he never beard of America
or of England, and has never read a
word even of bis own language. All are
proud of Venice, even though she is but
the dowerless bride of ti.e Adriatic; proud
that she was once conquered by Napo
leon ; proud of the church and square of
St. Marks ; proud of the palace of the
Doges, with its quaint Moorish-Gothic
architecture ; proud, for aught I know, of
the Bridge of Sighs, “a prison and a
palace on each h ind,” which we trav
ersed yesterday, and of the horrible ma
chinery of persecution underneath, run
ning down a hundred steps into the
gloomy earth, where the early Venice
developed all that was devilish in man.
But Venice is a bankrupt city, only half
fed, a pauper of grass gewgaws and fili
gree, slowly returning, through gloomy
grandeur, to the quagmire from which )lt
sprung.— Venice (Italy) Correspond
ence. *
Vis Now.
Now the chowder’s in the pot, and the
days are getting hot, and all begin to
swelter with a swelt, swelt, swelt While
the crimson lemonade through a straw
enchants the maid, who displays a bunch
of flowers at her licit, lielt, belt.
Now we wave the pictured fan, drink
the cooling black-and-tan, and we watch
the periwinkle by the surf, surf, surf.
And the tourist happy feels, as he
reads his “Puck on Wheels” while he rolls
with laughter on the turf, turf, turf.
Now our fancies, quaint aud queer,
lightly turn to thoughts of beer, and the
picnic’s everlasting custard pie, pie, pie.
And we sit with pretty Nell, ’neath a
gingham umberell, gaily boomeranged
and shipwrecked by her sigh, sigh, sigh.
Now the cat begins to scoot from the
well-directed boot, and the poodle wears
a kettle on his tail, tail, tail.
Now the Vassar maidens mount every
soda-water fount, and they drink vermii
liou water tdl they’re pale, pale, pale.
Now the ice-man with a smile slings
his haughty summer style, and the
plumber bows in solitude his head, head,
head.
Now the cuffs and collars melt, now
the monte-man is felt, and the circus in
the country does appear, ’pear, ’pear.
No news is this, Dy Jo, they are facts
all people know, for they’re written by
the joker every year, year, year.— Puck.
RATES OK ADVERTISING.
SPACE. Imo ImoaSmo I *r.
One i' eb, 7 2 S3i» S7W Hl 00
Tw iucliO', 373 730 gm >3OO
Three i cheo, so >aoo 12 Su 2000
Fou inch'., 600 HO- ISO 2' 00
Fourth Column, 7.60 Vino WHO 30 00
Hull coin r.n. I 1100 20 00 '0 00 60 00
One eolnmn. I .1'« 3IHIO 60 no mo 00
iS#*Ail bi Uh Hue alter ii s in ertion.
Transient .idvertisemeuta (strictly in ad
vance) il per ineh for the first insertion; 50
cents per inch for eoeti additional insertion.
Local reading notices 10 cents per line.
Ann uneeinents $5 each.
Marriage notices and obituaries exceeding
six lines will be charged for as advertise
ments.
NO. 51.
HUMORS OF THE DAY.
The man who toes the mark—the old
man who reaches out for Jtlne Ann’s fel
ler at two o’clock a. in.
Sweet Evelina from the suffocatirm
embrace of her lover cried out: “ Givw
me.libcrty or give me breath.”— Boston
Commercial Bulletin.
Old Deacon Dodson always boasted
that he was “ pi epared for the worst,’’
and his neighbors thought he got it
when he married, his second wife.
They asked him if he was
man at the wedding. “ No,” he said,
“ I don’t know os 1 was the beat, but,
be jabers, I was as good as any of ’em 1”
Conjurors astonish an audience by
taking rolls of ribbon from their mouths,
but then it is a common thing to see a
carpenter take hammer and nails out of
his chest.
“ I am very glad to have met you,
sir,” said Brown, politely. “ Are you?”
replied Fogg; ‘ 1 here’s a note you may be
glad to meet, also.” Brown wasn’t so
powerfully glad to meet it, but he had to.
Student under examination in physics:
“ What planets were know to the an
cients ?” “ Well, sir, there were Venus
and Jupiter, and ” —after a pause—“ I
think the earth, but I’m not quite cer
tain.”
“Do I look anything like you, Mr.
Jones?" inquired Cauliflower. “ I hope
not," was the reply. “ Did a man take
you for me?” “Yes.” “Where is he?
I must lick him.” “Oh, he’s dead. I
shot him on the spot.”
“See there!” exclaimed a returned
Irish soldier to a gaping crowd, as he ex
hibited with sonic pride his tall hat with
a bullet hole in it. “ Look at that hole,
will you ? You see that if it had been
a low-crowned hat I should have been
killed outright.”
“I say Gilpin,” said 'Squire McGill,
“who wis that sandy-haired man you
was talking with 'his morning?” “ Oh,
that was Colonel Thunderpool, of
Syracuse. He’s a big gun in politics.”
“ Yes, I judged he was a big gun in
something; he seemed to be such a
smooth bore.”— Marathon (N. K) In
dependent.
Georgie, aged four years, was playing
with his toys when his cousin Mary, of
sweet eighteen, seized him and gave him
a kiss, Georgie broke away, crying out
“Sauce-box!” "Oh, fie,” said his mother,
“Georgie mustn't say that.” Georgie
—“That’s what Cousin Mary said her
self to that Tillington man last night
when ho kissed her.”— Boston Journal.
A merchant once sent his collector io
call ou a debtor for some money. When
tbo collector returned the merchant in
quired if he had the money. “ No,” re
plied the youth; “ but he told me if I'd
come in to-morrow he’d pay me. ” ‘ ‘ Did
he say anything else?” asked the mer
chant. “ W-a-a-1, yes,” said the collec
tor, nonchalantly; “he said something
about ‘in his mind’s eye,’ but he wasn’t
speaking to me.”
An old fellow, whose daughter had
failed to secure a position as teacher, in
consequence of not passing an examina
tion, said: “ Thov asked her lota of
things she didn’t know. Look at the
history questions! They asked her
about things that happened before she
was bom! How was she going to know
about them? Why, they asked her
about old George Washington and other
men she never knew ! That was a pretty
sort of examination!” — Eeiv York Even
ing Post.
Two men disputed about their powers
of endurance, and one said testily to the
other : “ I bet you that I can hold my
legs in boiling water longer than you
can.” “Done,” said the other, and the
steaming water was brought In went
the legs, No. 1 with an air of defiance,
No. 2 with an edifying serenity. No. 1
began to wince. No. 2 called cidmly for
the newspaper. No. 1 began to find it
intolerable, No. 2 smiled at the humor of
the paper. ’‘ In heaven’s name!” at lost
exclaimed No. 1, exasperated by the
heat of the water and the coolness of his
antagonist, "what is your leg made of?”
“Wood,” sententiously replied the
other. ____________
The Marriage Life.
The marriage life is always an insipid,
a vexatious, or a happy condition. The
first is when two peopie of no genius or
taste for themselves meet together upon
such settlement as has been thought
reasonable by parents and conveyancers,
from an exact valuation of the land and
cash of both parties. In this case ths
young lady is no more regarded than the
house and improvements in purchase of
an estate ; but she goes with her fortune,
rather than her fortune with her. These
make up the crowd, and fill up the lumber
of the human race, without beneficence
toward those below them, or respect to
those above them. The vexatious life
arises fr m a conjunction of two people
of quick taste and presentment, put to
gether for reasons well known to their
friends, iu which especial care is taken
to avoid what they think the chief of
evils, poverty, and insure to them riches,
with every evil besides. These people (
love in a constant constraint before com
pany. When they are within observa
tion they fret at each other’s carriage
ind behavior ; when alone they revile
other's conduct.
4 The happy marriage is where two pet-~*■
sons meet and voluntarily make choice of ■
each other, without principally regard- I
ing or neglecting the circumstances of A
fortune or beauty. These may still live
in spite of adversity or sickness; the W
former we may, in some measure, defend W
ourself from; the other is the portion of fl
our very make.— Sir Richard Sleele.
It takes a.cook to do things up brown. |fl
True, but the organ-grinder does thingsM
to a turn. ■