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BOITEIS 3k Tilt)'lAS UAV'II M.ESQ
VOL. 111. NO. 50.
cf nion,
IB'S 1 a». ft. SMMBSSffSCM,
Publisher (By Authority,) of the Laws
of the United States:
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site tbe Market.
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will be inserted 'till forbid, and charged accord*
uglv.
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lay time wish the direction of their papers chan
fed from one Post Office to another, to inform
us, m «// casts, of the placo to which they bad
been previously sent; as the mere order to for*
ward them to a different office, places it almost
out of our power, to comply, because we have no
aaoaoa of ascertaining the office from which they
aro ordered to be changed, but a search through
oar whole subscription Book, containing Severn
thousand names,
POSTAGE.
It is a standing rule with this office, as well
as all others, that the postage of all letters and
communications to the Editor or Proprietor
most be paid. We repeat it again,—and re
quest alt persons having occasion to address us
apon business connected in any way with the
establishment, to bear it in mind. Persons
wishing to become subscribers to the Standard
of Union, are particularly requested to give their
attention to this; or they will not have the pa
ptr forwarded to them.
KEIIOVAL.
ws'sy
Cabinet Furniture
WARE ROOHIS.
I HAVE found my premises 313. and SOBrosd
st., too small and inconvenient to afford my
•ustomers fair opportunity of examining what
they purchase, and have therefore
BEHOVED
to tbe corner of Broad and Campbcfl-street, last
occupied by George D. Combs, wtll known as
Jit Knock t,- McKenzie's old stand, where 1 shall
eonstantly keep on hand a larrje and general as
sortment of plain fashionable Furniture.
Families wishing to purchase, have only to cal
«n the subscriber, to de so advantageously.
N. B.—Orders filled from ths North at shortest
notice.
THOMAS M. WOODRUFF.
Xov.lo ts—43.
Capital Stock $500,000—-All paid in.
IVERSON 1.. HARRIS,
AGENT at Milledgeville, of the Georgia in
surance and Trust Company, will taka Fire
aad Marine Insurance ont he most reasonable
** ru " thomas s. Metcalf, rre»-t.
Wa. T. Gould, Secr’y.
Dirtclsrsvflhe Georgia Insurance and Trust Com
pany, Nooewbcr klh 1336.
Jittmuel Hole. Benjamin 11. H'arren,
David /P. St. John, Elisha Morton,
Adam Johnston, Edward Thomas,
Jacob Moise, James P. Stuart,
Solomon Kneeland, Samuel II Peek,
Hays Bowdre, Isaac T. Heard,
Pleasant Stovall, William H. Morgan,
Artemas Gould, Harper C. Bryson,
John M. Adams, John V. Cowling,
Andrew J. Miller, Edward Padelford.
Nwr 17—44 I
Oyster and Kelish House.
THE subscriber has epened a house of this de
scription on the North West of the Masonic
TH all on. Wayne street, whore he will at all time,
famish Oysters, Relishes, fee and a variety of othe
things the market usually affords. He invites hir
trieuds and tbe public to give him a call.
Mor. 17—44-3 t WALTER JONES.
EXECUTOR’S SALE—WiII be sold on
Wednesday the 28th of December next at
ttbe late residence ofJohn Woodall deceased in De
. Kalb county, all the personal property of said de
• eeaeed, except the negroes, consisting of Horses,
■ Cews Hogs &c. One set of Blacksmith 'Fools,
> two Stills, one Road Wagon.—Sale to continue
from day today uotill all is sold. Terms made
.known on tbe day of sale.
JOHN DOBBS.
HASTEN D. PALMER.
Nov. 17 Executors.
FOUR MONTHS after date application wil
be made to the Honorable the Inferior court i
■ of Hancock county, when sitting for ordinary pur
poses ; fur leave to sell lot of land No 138, in the
23d dieti ict of old Lee now Stewart county, it be
ing a part of the real Estate of Edward B. Brook
ing deceased, and uot included in his last will and
testament, and sold for the beuefit of tbe heirs
«f said deceased.
REBECCA A.BROOKING.
Not 17—44 zKmr’x of tbe last will of dec'd.
THE JACKSON ACADEMY will go into
operation the ensuing year, under the
( charge of the Rev. W. A- Flokk.vck and Ladt,
,of highly approved qualificatons. Having the ad
-vaatage of a Chemical, and Astronomical and
Philosophical Apparatus, they will Ire able to give
,thorough instruction in all the branches of liberal
.education-
Music, Painting and the Fino Artswillbetaughl;
Also the Latin and Greek Languages.
The highly reputable character of Mr. and
MC3. Florence, as teachers, cannot fail to elicit
for the institution a liberal patronage, and to place
lit, in point of celebrity, at least. u t ,on a level with
<any similar institution in the State.
The moral and healthy condition of the village
Mill afford an additional inducement to parents
«*d guardians from aproad to send their children ;
(or the accommodation of whom boarding may
be ibad. either in private families er at regular
house, at the mont reduced prices.
wiley w. gaither.
Sec’y. Boardof Trustees.
November. I 42 wlOt
(ET* The Southern Recorder, Milledgeville, will
**ert the above weekly untill the Ist January, and
pi ward the account.— Macon Telegraph.
TW’OTICE—AII person, having any demands
ir against the estate of Martha Childers, late
pf Washington county deceased, are requested to
present them, in the terms of the law, and •JI por
tions indebted to said estate, are hereby called on
to come forward and settle the Mm n. Glynn eonn
|y. 7th November, J33f». J. BURNETT mini.
December, |, 46—mlrn.
t®je 4
IVSiscell uncous.
I-rout the American Manufacturer.
THE PERFIDIOUS FRIEND.
A TRUE STORY.
lii a village in the western part of Ireland
lived twoyouug men, named Terence and Pat
rick ; they were in-ep -iable companions, and
wore so united in mi.tal attchmeni and friend*
ship, that they were the admiration of the whole
neighborhood. Who would not have thought
such a connexion, so intimately formed, would
have had no end but that of life ? Yet so it was.
I ereucu had been obliged, on some particulai
business *ogo to Dublin, were ho stayed two
yja s, and then relumed with great jov to cm
brace his triend Patrick. Whilst the one friend
lived in the capital, the other had married the
levely Norah, daughter of a neighboring farm
er', who Liking tho behaviour and character of
Patrick, had given her to him with a cow, a
horse,, and tun sheep; and dying soon after left
her his whole little stock. I his, united with
what Patrick had before, laid the basis of rural
happiness. Possessor of enough to keep him
above necessity and contempt, and happy in a
beautiful and affectio. a e w i.e, who brought him
a lovely boy. Patrick envied not tho lot of the
weal.hiost man in the country. He wanted no
tiii Ig but the company ot his dear Terence to
Complete his felicity, and time at length give him
the satisfaction.
Terreneo sincerely rejoiced that his friend
Patrick had succeeded so well in life, until he
beheld the lovely Norah. At first sight love
threw its fires into his bosom, and soon proved
too strong for friendship to cure, or even re
strain. His affection lor Patrick diminished in
pioportion as the passion lor his wife increas
ed. He was indeed 100 cunning to let his real
sentiments appt a ; he cheeriihed them in his
own bosom, till ho could contrive a plan that
would put him in possession of his wishes.
From liis conversation with Norah, who had
treated him constantly as the friend of her hus
band, he xoon perceived that it would be im
possible for him to shake her fidelity to Patrick,
whilst he was present; he therefore neve: at
tempted it—but cast in his mind how he could
separate them. Her confidence in her husband
seemed to well fixed to admit of jealously ; the
artful Terence never gave the most distant hint
i that way, but an opportunity soon oliered io put
i his great design in execution;
A great cattle fair, at town about twenty
miles distant, drew the two friends thither, to
sell some cows. Through that town a party
had been recruiting for the eighth regiment of
light dragoons, was passing towards Dublin,
l erece thought this was the time to effect his
purpose; and therefore, as soon as they had
done the business wnich had brought them to
the fair, he pursuaded his friend it was too late
to attempt returning home that night, and art
fully took him to tbe Inn, i a whicn the officer
and his recruits were quartered. He plied tho
unsuspecting Patrick with liquor, and so inflam
ed his spirit with the glory amended on fighting
for for his country, and that tho poor deceived
youth, naturally brave tor a. moment, foi gets his
wife his son, and his farm, and was persuaded
to enlist. Ihe next morning, the fumes of the
liquor not being dispersed, Patrick marched
with the Dublin, and the detach
ment being ready was taken on board
the second day after his arrival and sailed for
England.
In the artificial enthusiain that had been in
stilled into Patrick’s mind, bethought it base
and inglorious to recede. Tho die was thrown
and lie resolved to abide by the cast, rather than
give any suspicion of a want of courage. The
greatest.part of the money he had rec-ived at the
lair, he desired Terence to give to Norah: to
tell her lie had entered the road which led to
heroism, and would return as soon as he was
able. In the meantime he desired her atten
tion to the children and his farm, and he would
constantly send her the greater part of the plun
der he should gain—which he had been inform
ed mast be very great. It was irot but Patrick
I felt for the separation of his wife, but a martial
' spirit once imbibed, can shaken off
| by any Irishman, and he soc etly conceived a
■ kind of contempt for Terence, that he would not
engage also.
Norah was expecting the return of tho two
friends when she perceived Terence come back
alone. He give her, indeed, the money hor
husband had sent, but he totally suppressed the
message. He told the astonished wife, that Pa
trick had left him aftei the fair, and gone to an
other town about thinly miles off, but would not
tell him his motive for the journey, nor let him
go with him. A fortnight had passed without
the poor disconsolate Norah receiving any news
of her husband for though Patrick had written to
her and to his friends on reaching Dublin, on
his arrival in England, and on the eve of em
barkation, yet Terence by his constant attend
ance on the neighboring post office, secreted
the letters from her, and suppressed the intelli
gence that came in those to himself. He had
hopes either that Norah’s resentment, at being
abandoned by her husband might operate in his
favor, or that going to a bloody war, the natu
sal ardour of Patrick would soon include him
in the number of tho slain, when he would offer
himself to be her second husband. But Terence
was disappointgd in his expectation. At the
end of fourteen days, a courier, passing by the
village, assured Norah that he had seen Patrick
in Dublin, that he was in the eighth regiment
of dragoons, and that he beheld him errtbark for
England. This news abated her resentment,
and awakenoc her pity. She immediately
imagined that Patrick hid been enticed to
enlist at tbe town, whether he would not suffer
Terence to accompany him, and attributed his
misfortune solely to the absence of his friend,
and would doubtless have dissuaded him, and
now wondered only he had not written to her.
She resolved to follow Patrick to England, and
for that purpose transferee! the care of her little
farm and stock, to an uncle she had there, and
taking her young son, with what money sho
could, set out for Dublin. Terence sought to
turn her from her resolution, but finding n vain
he offered to accompany her search. Norah
took this as a groat mark of his friendship for
her husband, and rejoiced in his protection.
On their arrival in Dublin, tlielintelligcnncc
the courier was fully confirmed. They immedi
ately followed the regiment to London, and
there heard it had proceeded to Flanddrs. The
constant nows of the horrors of war that reign
ed there, had now power to stay the affectionate
Norah; she hastened to Ostend, and from thence.
I followed the route of the army, till sho arrived
I on the field where the battle had just been fought
that proved so fatal to the regiment in which
Patrick was. Deaf to to all advice she r»m-
1 bled among the slain, with her child, and exani
! inert the faces of all who wore the regimentals
' of dragoons—when alas ! she beheld her Patrick
, b* n K pierced with wounds and weltering in his
blood. Words cannot express her grief: sho
| fainted, but by the assistance of some suttler’.s
j wives, ulr, fo,iowcd the c-imp and wdre ctfntry
HILLED (SEVILLE, THURSDAY HIOILWIYG,
women, she was conveyed to a tent and brought
to her senses : that only continued her distress,
which was still augmented by what soon follow
ed.
lerence had accompanied Norah nearly to
the camp—-there he stopped, hoping to hear
that Patrick was amongst the killed, but no cer
tainty could be attained without searching the
fiuld. Though the ardent affection of poor
Norah made her brave tho dangers with Ter
rel!co,.. 11 e follow ed her at what he thought a
safe distance, but it proved not ao to him. A
party of the flying French skirting the field,
surrounded him, and of revenge for the slaugh
ter made amongst them, thrust him through
with their bayonets and left him. He was soon
after found by the sutlers, whose notice was the
more attracted by his QAt being iu regimental*.
As he was still living, he waa brought to the
tent whertMiMerobwud hor child were abelt.r
od. He no sooner beheld her, than he felt sur
prise, with compunction for tho disasters ho had
caused. He employed his last momenta of life
in confessing the manner in which he had acted
the infamous part of a perfidious friend ! and
then expired.
1 his horrid relation added a poignancy to
what Norah felt, and she soon sank under the
grief. The officers of that brave regiment, be
ing acquainted with the catastrophe, generouslv
contributed to the care of the child, and its bc'-
lug conveyed to its surviving friends.
STEPHEN DECATUR,
A celebrated American Naval Officer,
was born January 6, 1779, on the eastern
shore of Maryland, whither his parents had
retired while the British were in Philadel
phia. He entered the American Navy in
March, 1798, and was soon promoted to
the rank of first lieutenant. While at Sy
racuse, attached to the squadron of Com
modore Preble, he was first informed of the
American frigate Philadelphia, which, in
pursuing a Tripolitan corsair, run on a
rot k about four and a half miles from Tri
poli, when she was taken by the Tripolitans
and towed into the harbor. Lieutenant
Decatur conceived th* project of attempt
ing her re-capture or destruction. He se
lected for this purpose, a ketch, and man
ned her with 60 volunteers. February 16,
1804, at 7 o’clock, at night, he entered the
harbor of Tripoli, boarded the frigate, tho*
she had all her guus mounted and charged,
and was lying within half-gun shot of the
Bashaw’s castle, and principle battery.
Two Tripolitan cruizers were lying within
two cables length on the starboard quarter,
and several gun-boats within half gun-shot
on the starboard bow, and all the batteries
on shore were opened upon the assailants.
Decatur set fire to the frigate, and continu
ed along side until her destruction was cer
ia.n. For this exploit, the American Con
gress voted him thanks and a sword, and
the President immediately sent him a cap
taincy. The next spring, it being resolv
ed to make an attack on Tripoli, commo
dore Preble equipped 9 gun-boats and two
bombards, formed into two divisions, and
gave the command of one of them to capt.
Decatur. Tbe enemy’s gunboats were
moored along the mouth of the harbor
undar the batteries and within musket shot.
Captain Decatur determined to board the
enemy’s eastern division, consisting of nine.
He boarded in hie own boat, and carried
two of the enemy’s boats in succession.—
When he boarded the second boat, he im
mediately attacked the commander, who
was his superior in size and strength, and
his sword being broken, he seized the Turk,
when a violent scuffle ensued. The Turk
threw him, and drew a dirk for the purpose
of stabbing ltim K when Decatur, having a
small pistol in his right pocket, took hold
of it, and turned it as well as he could, so as
take effect upon his antagonist and cocked
it, fired through his pocket and killed him.
When Commodore Preble was superceded
in the command of the squadron, he gave
the frigale Constitution to Decatur, who
was afterwards removed to the Congress,
and returned home in her when peace nas
concluded with Tripoli. He succeeded
Commodore Barron to the Chesapeake, af
ter the affair of the frigate 1.-eopard. He
was afterwards transferred to the frigate
United States. In the war with Great
tain and the United Slates, he fell in (Oct.
25, 1812,) with the Macedonian, mounting
49 carriage guns, one of the finest British
vessels of her class, and captured lie;- after
an engagement of an hour and a half. When
Capt. Carden, the commander of the Ma
cedonian, tendered him his sword, he ob
served that he could not think of taking the
sword of an officer who had defended his
ship so gallantly, but should be happy to
take him by the hand. In a letter written
five days alter the capture, he says, “ J
need not tell you that 1 have done every
thing in my power to soothe and console
Capt. Carded : for really, one half of the
pleasure of this little victory is destroyed in
witnessing the mortification of a brave man,
who deserved success quite as much as we
did who obtained it.” In January, 1814,
Commodore Decatur, in the United States,
with his prize, the Macedonian, then equip
ped as an American frigate was blockaded
at New London by a British squadron
greatly superit rin force. A challenge
which he sent to the commander, of the
British squadron, Sir Thomas Hardy, of
fering to meet two of the British frigates
with his two ships, was declined. In Jan.
1815, he attempted to set sail from New
York, which was blockaded by four British
ships; but the frigate under his command,
tite President was injured in passing the
bar, and was captured by the whole squa
dron, alter having maintained a running
fight of two hours and a half with one ot
the frigates, Endymion, which was disman
tled and silenced.
After the conclusion of peace, he was
restored to his country in 1815. The con
duct of the Barbary powers, anil of 1 Jgi rs
tn particular, having been insulting <. the
United States, on the ratification of peace
I with Great Britain,war was declared against
Algiers, and a squadron was fitted out un
der the command of Commodore Decatur,
, for the purpose of obtaining redress. In
■, tbe spring of 1815 he set still, and June 17,
Our Cotesetry—.
off Cape de Gatt, captured an Algerine fri
gate, after a running fight of 24 minutes, in
which the famous admiral Rais Hammida,
who had long been the terror of the Medi
lerraneMn-aca, fell. Ihe American squa
dron arrived at Algiers, June 23. In less
than 46 hours, Decatur, terrified the re
gency' into his own terms, wi.ich were main
ly, tliut no tribute should ever be required
by Algiers from the United State:;—that all
Americans in slavery should be given up
without ransom ; that compensation should
be made for American property seized, that
all citizens ot the United States taken in war
should be treated as prisoners of war are
ly other nations, ai d not as slaves, but held
subject to an exchange without ransom.
Aficr concluding this treaty, he proceeded
to Aunts, where he obtain, dinttemnitj- f™
the outrages exercised or permitted by the
Bashaw. Thence he went to Tripoli,
where he made a similar demand, with like
success, and procured tire release oi ten
captives, Danes and Neapolitans. He ar
rived in the United States. Nov. 12, 1815,
was subsequently appointed >ne of the
board ol Commissioners, and .vas residing
at Washington, in that capaciiy, when he
was killed in a duel with Comaiodore Bar
roa, March 22, 1820, occasiined by his
uni.nadversions on the conduct of the lat
ter. Courage, sagacity, energy, self pos
session, and a high sense of honor, were
the characteristic traits of Decatur. From
his boyhood he was remarkable for quali
ties which presaged eminence n the naval
warfare. He enjoyed the sea ashis element.
He possessed an active, muscular frame, a
quick penetrating eye, and a t Id, adven
turous aud adventurous and ambitious
spirit.
A pretty good story is told, in the United
Service Journal, of a poor sailor, on board a
vessel which had been wrecked, laden in part
with casks of Spanish dollars. The crew ware
taken off the wreck in boats, and just before
the last boat was pushed off, a man was sent
back to ascertain if there might net still be some
one left. On arriving on the main deck, where
the casks had been left, he found a fellow who
had broken open several of the receptacles of
base lucre, and spread the contents thereof on
a table cloth on deck, in the midst of which he
was seated, weapon in hand. Being told that
the ship was going to pieces, he replied—“'Die
ship may go—l havlMived a poor rascal all my
life, and am resolved to die rich.” Remon
strance was vain, and poor Jack, who preferred
the death of a rich man to the life of a poor ras
cal,” was left to die alone in his glory.
So lato as 1784, an American vessel ar
rived at Liverpool, with eight bags of cot
on, which were seized, tinder the I eliefthat
America did not produce that article ; and
now her produce is 400,000,000 of pounds,
the greater part of which is consumed in
Great Britain, and it is a remarkable fact
that the native country of the Sea-Island
cotton is supposed to be Persia ! The Ca
rolina Rice sells at 5d per lb. whilst the
best India rice sells at only 2 l -.2d to 3d, ori
ginated in a aingle bag of East India rice
given by Mr. C. Dubois, of the East India
House, to an American trader. All the
toffee of the West Indies originated in a
single plant in the hot bouses of Amster
dam. How pregnant are these examples
—and how much may the act, tven of an
individual, change the face of a country.
THE DOCTOR OUTWITTED.
Dr. H** J****** was one of the most
able, talented and eccentric Surgeons of the
last century. His practiceembraced a large
circuit, and his lame extended to every part
of the state. The Dr. was one morning
sitting in his office poring over some medi
cal work fresh from the mother country,
via Boston, when a loud rap at the door
aroused him. ‘ Come in’ said the Doctor,
and an old lady hobbled into the apart
ment, who seemed the very embodiment of
dirt and negligence.
‘Dr.! I’ve got a desp'rate sore foot—can
you help it ?’
• I will try—let me see it.’
The old crone proceeded to divest her
understanding of the apology for a hose
with which it was covered, and displayed
to the astounded Doctor a foot—and such
a foot !
‘ My God !’ exclaimed the Dr. throwing
up b th hands in arr.a.-.ement —‘what a dirty
foot !’
‘La! Doctor, yej needn’t be in such a
wondermant about it—there’s dirtier feet
than that in your own house as proud as
the young ladies, your daughters—for all
that’—and the old hag cackled|fonh her
pleasure at the Doctor’s astonishment.
• Womun! il you can find a dirtier foot
than that in my house, I will give you a
guinea, and cure your foot for nothing.’
• Pon honor?’—cried the beldame.
‘ Pon honor!—cried the Doctor.
The old woman stript ofl’ the other stock
ing and displaying a foot that beggared all
description, grinned in the face of the as
tounded Doctor, exclaiming— ‘ Gie’me the
guinea ! Gie’me the guinea ! I know’d il
know’d it! I wash’d ’tother ’fore 1
come here !’—2V. H. Gaz.
Anecdote—A writer in the Middle
town Sentinel Speaking of the high coloring
in the face of the portrait of Washington,
as painted by Stuart, which hangs in our
Senate Chamber, says :
“ A gentleman frOin the South, visiting
Hartford, among other things visited this
place. While intently gazing upon its
portly majesty, some one present observed,
• this is the room in which the Hartford
Convention was held? The South rner
started as if he had vraked up unexpectedly
in the middle of a dismal swamp, and with
earnestness asked ‘ if that picture,’ pointing
to Washington, ‘ was at that time hanging
there!” on being answered in the aflirrnafh e,
he exclaimed ‘ the blush nf indignation is
■ still on his cheek,' and left the room.
From the Randolph Recorder.
BEAUTIFUL TFXIAN ANECDOTE.
The sentinels were posted at an early
hour, around she gloomy fortress of Laba
bia, and at short intervals proclaimed, with
□ usual vehemence, tbeir nuctural watche
yy when a Mexican lady of rank was seen
is uing from the marquee, clad in an officers
garb, aud hastily passed the garded gate
way towards the quarters of the Aciericau
prisioners. She approached a youth, whose
exterior bespoke him worth ofthestolen in
terview, ami from a peculir smile of recog
nition, this was not the first. When hasti
ly throwing from her shoulders a surplus ap
pendage, she requested him to place it uti
ids and stlend her ; without the least man
ifestation ot alarm she took tho wrm of tW
American, and again advanced to the- set)-.'
linels, and passed them without inquiry,
lurttier than obtain the accustomed “ ami
go” from toe supposed officer. Hastily
passing the outposte to rhe rugged banks
ol the St. Antonio, she suddenly turned,
and in her natiie tpngt.e, addressed the
American youth whose attentive ear show
ed him at once acquainted with the Castil
ianj dialect. “ 1 hove this day learned
that doubt is entertained concerning the
liberation of your countrymen, and, from
tbe hasty step aud evasive answer of a cou
rier to the illustrious Santa Anna, I am in
duced to believe that ere the sun shall shine
upon the shattered walls ol Goliad, their fate
will be made known. Fly then to your
Texian friemls-cscape the doubt that hangs
over those guarded in the quartelle, and
veil have my prayers for your safety.”—
Th • youth gazed for a moment on the taw nv
features of his deliverer, and exclaimed : “ I
go.—and in token of esteem, receive this
pledge in remembrance--al the same time
drawing a ring from bis fingers, and placing
it upon hers. -
As the sun rose on the following morning
was heard the dread alarm of the musketry
and the.shrilL of the dying on the plains of
Labahia. Q
I
IVorthy of Attention.— A discovery is 1
said to have been made, that if the bodies 1
ol men or animals be plunged lor sometime '
in a solution cf corrosive sublimate, and
aftet wards dried, they assume the consist
ency ol wood, and the air produces no efftet :
upon them; and if the bodies be injected
before they are plunged in the liquid, they
will retain the color and appearance of life,
and consequently form murumies far more
perfect than the Egyptian. 1
PHRENOLOGY.
■' - i
Dr. Fowler next door to oiiroffice,'is ex- ,
arnining hundreds of heads every day, and i
astonishing the o« tiers with strange develop
ments ol therr character, disposition and letn- <
per. The ladies are to have their heads
looked into this week. This Folwer is a
wonder—almost as great a lion as I am.—
Yesterday be examined the head of Mr.
Danby, portn aster of Utica, and one of
the commissioners oftlie new bank there.
“ You have been a commissioner of a
bank,” said the prhenologist.
“ I have,” : aid Danby, in snrpprise.
“ You will get into difficulty,” said the
phrenologist, thumbing another bump.
“ Egad r 1 am a difficulty now,” said
Danby in astonishment.
“ You are indicted,’’said the phrenolo
“So I am. Said Danby in titter consti
pation picking up his hat and making
ofl'.
We would advise the commissioners to
have their heads examined by the same phi
losopher, without delay. Who known what
he may discover.—TV. Y. Herald.
Sheridan and his Son Tom.— “ The two
Sheridans,” says Kelly, were supping with me
one night after die opera, at a period when Tom
expected to get into parliament.
“ I think, father,” said he, “ that many nten,
who are. called great patriots in hlie house of
commons, are great humbugs. For my own
part, if 1 get ii ta pa>Lament, I will pledge my
self to no party, but write upon my lorehead in
legible characters, “To be let.” ,
“And under that, Tom,” aaid his father,
“ write— ‘ Unfurnished.’ ”
Tom took the joke, but was even with him on
another occasion.
Mr. Sheridan had a cottage about half a mile
from Hounslow Heath. Tom being short of
cash, asked his father to let him have some.
“Money, I have none,” was the reply.
“ Be tbe consequence what it may, money 1
must have,” said Tom. ’
“ If that is the case, my dear Tom,” said the
affectionate parent, “you will find a case of
loaded pistols up stairs, and a horse ready sad
dled in the stable—the night is dark, and you
are within half a mile of Hounslow Heath.”
“ I understand what you mean,” said Tom,
“ but 1 tried that last night. I unluckily stop
ped Peake, your treasurer, who told nre that
you had been beforehand with him, and had
robbed him of every sixpence he had tn the
world.”— Wraxall,
Warlike Printers.—The printers
seem to be gallant boys on the battle field.
We mentioned the other day that it was a
member of the profession who seized and j
captured Santa Antia. We say now, in
addition, that James Allen, formerly an ap
printice in the Office of the Canlonßepos
' itory in Ohio, and more recently editor of
I diflerent newspapers, is now in Texas, at
the head of a company of volunteers work
ing oj the outside form of the Mexicans
most manfully. It is said that many of his
company being of the same honorable pro
fession with himself, itwillpiove vastly un
safe to encounter them. They will prove
as invincible as the tenth Legion of Jniius
Caesar.— Western Paper.
An oi l instrument applied to a neit> pur
pose. — A man of much presence of mind
living near Aberdeen, heard a thi f break
itg into his house in the night. He reach
ed to a bottle of soda water on his mantle
piece, and as soon as tlys fellow’s head was
visable, took deliberate aim and cut the
string. The cork bit bun io tbe face : the
thief thinking it blood fell on his knees and
roared for mercy. He was suffered tn de
part on promise of amendment.
Lights and Extinguishers My dear
fellow, exclaimed a pedantic fop, with a
ha. in. ha! at something he had said
which be esteemed mighty witty, ‘you should
idT" rae “ <MU ul lhe ,ifcr,,w ~f ,be
“ J d‘»» »ir,” replied a wag, who had Ii«-
tened to h,s emptiness, •• and U p Oo common
M-nse as the Extinguisher, which could(nuf
tnit your light tn a moment!" J
/v A i mCrCi ' ant,a Petersburg,
11 “ ~OB , ln,ad of hardware,
oi tt, found a hammer lew than was char
ged therein. This he mentioned to n young
Irishman, his assistant, who immediately ex
claimed - Och, my honey, done be after
bothering your head ab.rnt that,*did’nt the
nager take it out of the hogshead to open
it with ?” ‘
A dog flying open-mouthed at a sergeant
upon a inarch, he run the spear of his hal
bert into the throat and killed him. The
owner was quite indignant that his dog was
killed, and asked the sergeant why he could
not as well have struck at him with the
blunt end of his halbert. “So I would
said he “ if he had run at me with his
tail.
An Irishman had a hell hung in his lodg
ing rooms with a string so annexed that he
could ring the bell while in bed.—And
what use is that ? said one of his neighbors.
‘Oh it is mighty convenient,' he replied
“ for when I have slept long enough 1 cau
ring tbe bell and wake myself up.”
Advice to a young lady.—' 'Talk one half
less ; seek not wit, let it come ; be not for
ward ; brush your teeth ; pare your nails
have clean hands ; go to the bath ; laugh
not at all ; never gel angry ; be mild ; be
modest, and say your prayers when you
find the devil coming.
_____
If a woman were to change her sex what 1
sort of a being would she become ? [She
would be aAe Z/ien—[a heathen !]
“ Mother,” said a little grammarian, “ if
Lord Wellington is a hero, was not Joan
of Are a shero.
Depending on Circumstances,— Said Di
nah to Sambo, as they were taking a loving
promenade, “ Sambo, howyou link de mar
riage-life de most Imppiest i"
“ W ell I’ll tell you dat are ’pends altoged
der bow dey enjoy demsevs.”
Silk Manufacture. — Mrs. J. G. Silk, of
Galena, Illinois, lately presented to her
husband three little boys.
Orlando Lassus, whore great musical tal
ents adorned lie last of the sirieent. centu
ry, wrote the fill >wing humorous epitaph
for himself, w hich is actually inscribtd on
liis tomb stone :
A child, 1 sang the treble part,
A youth, the counter claims my art,
A vtan the tenor was my place.
But noir, I’m stationed in the lass.
The adjutant of a volunteer cc-rps, doubt
ful whetl.er he had distributed muskets to
all the men, cried out, “ all you that are
w ithout arms will plerse to hold up your
hands."
The best joke we have heard in a long
time, was cracked by a village preacher.
He was preaching ou a Very sultry day, in
a small room and was much annoved by
those who casually dropped in after the ser
vice had coinineuced, im ariably dosing the
door after them.—His patience being at
length exhausted by the extn me oppres
siveness of the heat, be vo< iterated to an
offender—“ Frit nd, I believe isl was prea
ching in a boule, you would put the cork
in!”
A gentleman had a board put on a part
of his land on which was written, “ I will
give this field to any one who is really
contented $” and when an applicant came,
he said, “ are you contented ?” Th* gen
eral reply was, rt 1 am.” “ Then,” rejoined
the gentleman, “ what do you want of my
field?"
MIRACULOUS CIRCUMSTANCE.
We copy the following from No. 5 of the
Pickwic k Club Papers ; it is an election
“miraculous circumstance,” related by Sam
the coachman, as happening io his fathi r’s
time :—“ He drove a coach down here
once; ’lection time came on, and he was
engaged by vun party to bring down wat
ers from London. Night afore he was go*
ing to drive committee oh t'other side
sends for him quietly, and away he gnes
With the messenger, who shows him in t large
room, lots of gentleman, heaps of papers,
pens and ink, and all that 'efe. ‘Ah, Mr.
Weller,’ "Said the gentleman in the ch;dr>
‘ glad to see you, sir; howare you?’ ‘Wer
’ r v well, thanke’e you sir,’ says my father t‘l
hope you’re pretty rniddlin,’ says he. ‘Pret
ty well, thank’:*, sir,’ says the gehlleman ;
‘sit down Mr. Weller, pray sic down, sir.’
So father sits down, and he ant! the gen
tleman looked hard nt each other. ‘ Yr.u
don’t remember me?’ says the gentleman.
1 Can't sa}' I do,’ says my father. ‘ Oh, I
know,' says the gentleman; ' know’d yon
ven I vas a boy,’ says he. ‘ Well, I don’t
femembet you,’says my father. ‘ That's i
werry odd.’ says the gentleman. ‘Werry,’
says rrty father. ‘ Well, it is a werry bad
’tin,’ say s n>y father. ‘ I thought so,‘ says
the gentleman. So then they pours him
<>ut 4 a glass o’ wine, ahd gammins him about
his driving, and gets htm into a regular
good InitDotir, and at last shores a twenty
I*UBUMMOBO BY p. f,.
WHOLE iwo
■ pound note iu his hand ‘lts a werry had
road between this and London,’ sayg tl»«
gentlemen. ‘Here and there it is n worty
heavy road,’ s»s my father. ‘
near the canal, ! think,' says the geniletuak.
‘Nasty bit that ’ert,' says my father. ‘Wd.',
Mr. Weller? says the gentlemen, ‘ you're a
werry good whip., anil can do what you
like with your horses, we know. * W?r»
all fond ofyuu A ldr. Weller, so in case yoa
should have aa accident, when you're a
bringing them here wotersduwn, and should
tip ’em over icu> the canal without hmtia*
’em, this is for yourself? says he. *Gex»-
tiemen, you’re wecry kind? says my fatl cir
' and I’ll drink you’re health in -anutbe*'
glass of wine,’he; vich he did, au.s
then buttons «p the money, and bows hiiu
selfout. You voukluh believe, Sir, (cuu
tlnnt-4 Sam, with a hvok of inexpressible,
impudence at liis master,) that on the werry,
day as he came down with them voters, hi)
eoacli was upset on that ’ere werry spot au<!
everyman on etn* was turned into the equal.
‘And got out again ?’ inquired Pickwick’,
hastily. ‘Why? replied Sam, very slowly,
' 1 rather think one old gentleman was
mistin' ; 1 know his hat was found, but I
a’n’t quite certain whether his head
it or not. But what I look at is the extra-,
ordinary and wonderful coincidence, that
arter what that gentleinap said, my father’*
ceach should be upset in the werry place, -
and on that werry day? ‘lt is, in* doubt,
a very extraordinary circninsiance, indeed/
said Mr. Pickuick,
English Electioneering-^—e\\, Sarp,
said Mr. Pickwick, as bis valet appeared at
his bed room door, just as he was conclud
ing his toilet; ‘ all alive to day, I suppose?
‘ Regular game, sir,’ replied Mr Weller,
our people’s a collecting down at the Towu
Arms, and they’re a hollering themselves
hoarse already*—
‘ Ah? said Mr Pickwick, ‘ do they setru
devoted to their party. Sam ?"
‘Never see sm h devotion in my life, sir?
‘Energetic, ch?' said Mr Pickwick,
‘Uucomromi? replied Sam ; ‘ I iirveeseq
men eat and drink so much afore, I ‘fon
der they aint afear'd o’ bustin?
‘That’s the mistaken kindness oftbe gen
try here,’ said Mr Pickwick.
•Werry lil e y,’ replied Sam, briefly.
‘Fine, fresh, hearty fellow* they xectii?
said Mr Pickwick,! ghticing from the win
dow.
‘Werry fresh,* replied Sam, ‘me and tl«e v
two waiters at t(»e Peacock, has bien puw
pin over the independent voters as supped
there last night.
‘Pumping over independent voter* ex-,
claimed Mr Pii'kwtck.
•Yes? said his attendant, ‘ every maq
•lept vere he fell down, we dragged
out one by one, this mornin’ and put ’em
under tbe pump, and they are in a reg’lar
fine order now. Shillin’ a head, tbe com
mittee paid for that ’ere job?
‘Can such things be?’ exclaimed the as
tonished Mr Pickwick.
•Lord bless your heart, sir,’ said Sam,
why, where yoijhalf baptized? that’s nothin*
that a’nt.
‘Nothing?’ said Mr Pickwick.
‘Nothing at all, sir ’ replied his attend
ant. ‘Thenight afore the last dt.y t>f the
election here, tbe opposite party Libto the
barmaid at the Town Aims, to Itcces the
iiraudy aud water of fourteen imported rlee*
tors a* was stoppin* in the house?
‘What do you <ne«u ty -*iio«:u»siug’ bran-.
cy and water ?’
‘Puttin’ laudautim into it,’ replied Sam,
Blessed if she did not send *em alt to sleep
till 12 hour* after the election was over.
They took one man up in a truck, fa«c
asleep, byway of experiment bat it waq
no—mey would’t pod him, sottliey brought
him back, and pul to bed again?
‘Strange practices, these? said Air Pick
wick.—Memoirs of the Rsckwick Club,
A poor tailor being released from a
troublesome world and a scolding wife, went
to the gale of Paradise. Peter asked him
if he had ever been in purgatory? “No”
said the tailor, “ bui I have been married."
Oh ! says Peter, that i» all tlie same. Th*
tailor had scarcly got in, before a fat tur
tle-eating aiderman came puffing and Mow
ing. “ Halloo, you fellow," said he, opea
the door. “ Not so fan," said Peter,
“ have you been iu purgatory ?” “No }”
said the alderman, “ but what is that to th*
purpose ?you let in that poor, half s.arved
tailor, and he had no more been in purga
tory than I." “ But he has been married, ’*
said Peter. “ Married,” exclaimed the al
derman —“ Why I’ve been married twice."
—“ Then pray go back again,” said Pe
ter, *• Paradise is -not tlie place for fools."
An odd sort of genius having stopped iu •
mill, was locking with apparent astonishment at
the rotary movement* ui tho machinery, whea
the miller, thinking to quiz him, asked him if
he had heard the news!
“ Not a* 1 know on," said Jonathan, “ what
is it.”
•‘ Why,” replied the miller* “ they say the
d—l is dead.”
“By jings I" he exclaimed, “is he I Who
tends the null, then t”
A Wonderful Jump some half a score of
years agone, in on ol the northern cot ntie!
in this State, a wonderful feat of jumping
was ptrfoimed. It was on < nasion of rais
ing, when there was con i.ierable geather
ing nf the hardy sons of tlie forest; and ns
well usual in those times and in that, coun
try the bottle circulated pretty freely, until
all hands were fu I of glee and ripe for spot I.
After the labor was over, they amused them
selves by trying th ir skill in gymnastic
feats j when one fellow, wound up to acem«
of eii.hiatit n, often <1 io bet that he would
ijuii p .r.itn tl e top of tlieuewlp-raised < d flee
to tue ground. He was in.med a ely t ken
up; and he prncieded to the highest point
of the fraim and h apt forth | bnt when he
hail ch tended about, and fi hi ftil of bruis
ing his left he turned about and jam ped.
back agdin— and so lu»t his bet;
’I [Cbastvili* (Pa;) AdrerCser’.
