Cuthbert weekly appeal. (Cuthbert, Ga.) 18??-????, September 22, 1871, Image 1

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Cuthbert weekly appeal., September 22, 1871, Image 1

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Newspaper Page TextYol. y. THE APPEAL, PUBLISHED EVERY FRIDAY, BY SAWTELL 4 CHRISTIAN. Terms of Subscription: osb Yeah. ... $3 00 | Six Months— $2 00 llf VARIABLY IS ADVAKCE. rvr No attention paid to orders for tile pa jjer uidees accortp«nW by Abe Cash. > ? Rates of Adyertisips: One square, (ten lines or less.) $1 00 for llie hrst and 75 cents for each subsequent inser tion. A liberal deduction made to parties ivho advertise by the year- Persons sending advertisement? should ipai k the ntimber oftftnes they desire them inser ted, or they will be continued until forbid and Charged accordingly. Transient advertisements must be paid for at the time of insertion. Announcing names of candidates for office, $5.00. Cash, in all cases Obituary notices over live lines, charged at regular advertising ra'es. All communications intended to promote the private ends or interests of Corporations, So cieties, or individuals, will be charged as ad vertisements. Job Work, such as Pamphlets, Cire#*rs, Cards, Blanks, Handbills, etc., will be execu ted in good style and at reasonable rates. AUlettersaddressed to the Proprietor will be promptly attended to. ANDREW Female College, cuthbert ga. THE exercises of this inetitntiop will be resumed On Wednesday, the df Sep tember next, and close on Thursday before the last Sabbath in June. ' . ■ The scholastic yenr will be divided into Three Terms, beginning 2<lfk. September, Ist. January and Ist of April; REGULAR COURSE: I’ER TERM. PKII ANNUM. trimarv Department sl2 00 S3O 00 Preparatory “ 15 00 45 00 Collegiate “ SOM GO,OO Diploma Fee, (paid on iSSS 8 ’ ■«» * Boafd, Washing 1 , 'Fuel' and Lights, IS 00 Regular tuition of daughters living by the miuistry—no charge. Eacli hoarding pupil should be furnished with a Bible, Trunk, one pair of sheets, one liair of Pillow-cases, one pair Blankets, four land-Towcls, over-shoes aud umbrella. EXTRA COURSE : TER ANNUM. Greek andFrefhch, each $-10 00 Tuition in Music GO 0(1 Use of Piano 8 00 Drawing and Pastel 80 00 Instruction in OF Paintiug, 40 00 Calisthenics, conducted by a lady •* Singing in Classes No charge. Extra course pursued at tlie option of Pa rents and Guardians. Payments must be made in October, January and April. Each pupil shoal'd be present a* the opening of the School. The undersigned having been elected Preei dent of Andrew Female College, an old and popular Institution, sends finternal areetiugs to the Colleges of tlie South, makes bis buw to the public, and solicits sympathy and a lib eral share of patronage. Summoned to a high and lioly work—that of preparing the mindsand hearts of i lie- you g for the business aud pleasures, joys and sor rows of life—he will call to lus assistance the best edtu-ntors of the country, and address himself to (lie task with ail tlie real mid in dustry that he cannot command. Should lime, whose verdict we woo, demons!rate that he caunot preside with dignity and auccess— that he iaiincapable of imparling instruction— that he is is not in the proper place—that A. Fi C. does not return a substantial equivalent toils patrons-the President will aimudon the enterprise and refuud all damages reli giously assessed. Parents and guardians wishing to edneate girls should not forget our healtluul locality, relincd society, commodious and well ventila ted buddings, beautiful grounds, magnificent jrrove, and reasonable rates. JOHN B McGEHEE, President. A F. C. Cuthbert, Ga., Aug. 16ih, 1871, tt lee Cream! 1 WOULD respect Hilly inform my numer ous friends and patrons that l liave coin plcted and opened my ICE CREAM SALOON, And am prepated to serve them in the very best of style. I have spared no pains or ex pease in fitting np my establishment, and ci.n truthfully say I have the Finest Saloon in S. W. Georgia, And am fully prepared to meet the wants of the public. My LADIES’ SALOOA, Has been arranged and furnished wilb a spe eial desire to please. Adjoining ib the OliN TLKMEN’S SALOON, which has been thor ouglily re-furnished and fitted up in the best Os style. These Saloons are bo constructed as to enable me to throw them both into one, "when occasions riquire it, and he enabled to seat from 75 to 100 Guests! In the same room. lam also fully prepared to furnish my customers with a superior arti cle of SODA WATER! t have also gone to considerable expense in hiaking improvements in this department of tny business, and am better prepared than eves before to meet the wants of the public. IOB! I 033 ! ! I will keep Ice ou h nd for sale tu quanti se to suit tbe public. Give me a call. A. W. GILLESPIE. ty A full assortment of Confectioneries ways on hand. augt et The City Bar AND BllllardL Saloon IS now supplied with a Large and Choice Stock of Wines, Liquors and Segars, Both Foreign and Domestic, which can not be surpassed by aDy Bar iu the State. All the delicacies of the season, In the way of Fancy Drinks, fixed iu style. LAGER BEEU only Five Cents per glass. A FIXE Assortment of Slates, For sale by T. 8. ROWELL, Trustee, CUTHBERT gag APPEAL. The Protector Fruit Jar, A superior article, For sale at cost, by &R COBB . Green’s Dyspepsia Remedy, For sale by T. S. POWELL, Trustee. THEA-KECTAR! A Black Tea with Green Tea Flavor, at T. 8. POWELL'S, Trustee. FOR FALL PLANTING. Little Gem Peas, Kale, Borecole or German Dwarf Greens, Cabbage, Coilards, Carrots, Radish, lettuce & Mneirtd, For sale by T. 8. PO W K LL, Trust*** Druggist, Bookseller; nd Statim/c'-. FINE (TKEEX TEA, ' “ BLACK TEA, For Sale by T. 8; POWELL, Trtiste FORSALE! Thrff Plantations. { ,t-ai;S'T , IJ3W 1 ,/; - T fJ ets-iT AS I have decided to chango my occupa tion, ajtd'mv -place of resideucey I oiler for sale the foilbking desirable property : My Plantation IN STEWART COUNTY, GA, Seven miles soiith of Lumpkin, and (ifteen north of Cutlibcrt, ,on the road from the for mer to tlie latter place, containing 1,631 ACRES; About three fourths cleared and in a high state of cultivation. There arc three settlements on the place. The Improvements are Good. The dwelling lias recently been recovered and repainted in aDd out side. It lias seven rooms and a cook rdom, and pantry attached. There are a plenty of good cabins for labor ers, and the most of them with good brick chimneys, a good gin house and screw, new stables and cribs, a large two story barn, a' good smoke hoUse, dairy, carriage house, and blacksmith shop. There a c two good sprints near the dwell ing, and jnany more on the plantation There is a plenty of cane on the place tw wiuter a large number of cattle. W. A. Moreland on the place ill show the plantation to any one wishing to see it. Also, MY PLANTATION l\' IMllomil'iOTY, GEORGIA, Near Benevolence, containing three hundred and twenty acres ; two hundred cleared and in a good s’tate of cultivation, with all neces sary improvements, dwelling, Cabins, stables, cribs, a good gin bouse and screw, choice fruit trees of different kinds, splendid well ami spring water, Convenient to Churches and Schools, And noted for its healthfulr.es*. Any one wishing to see the place, I refe? them to W, A. Moreland on my place in Stew art. .( J ' v And MY PLANTATION IN RUSSELL COUNTY, ALA., Fourteen mileß from Columbus, near Big Uchee Creek, two aud a half miles from the flemishing town of Silver Bun. on the Mo bile A. Girard K. lb, containing nine hundred and seventy five acres, about one half cleared aud in a good state of cultivation, well im proved, iu au Excellent Neighborhood of the boat sp.-iety. and unsurpassed for health fulness'; a plenty of good spring water ou any part of the plantation ; a small creek running diagonally through the main body of the plan tation The dwelling has six large rooms, and a store room, bath room, and two pantries, al so a cook room eonrected to the dwelling by a eolonade; good framed cabins with hr ch chimneys, two sets of stables, two carriage houses, hlaeksmith shop, good gin house and screw, and other buildings, frnit Os d.lferent kinds. Mr P. 11. Perry who lives near the place will take pleasure in showing it to any one. My terms for either place is one half cash, the balance in one and two years with interest. Either place for rent alter the first of Decem for next, if not sold bv that time. My address will b ■ Atlanta, Ga., nntil after the first of October next, then Cuthbert Ga., until the first of January next. augll-tf A*. F. MORELAND. VALUABLE Property for Sale AT A SACRIFICE For the Money ! T want to sell my GRIST .& FLOURING 1 MILLS near Fort Gaines, Ga., run by wa ter —never failing stream. Tbe best Mills in Southwest Georgia. Also, my PLANTATION one and a half miles from Cotton Hill, containing 650 acres of laud, neat, and comfortable residence, beau tiful location, all necessary out houses, negro cabins, ect-., together with STOCK of all kinds Cotton Hill is noted for its School. Place as healthy as the mountains. Will sell cheap. Apply for particulars to JOHN CALLAWAY, Colton Hill. Or W. C. GUNN, Gaines, Ga. Enterprise B.R- Cos. NOTICE is hereby given, t' at Books for subscription to the Capital Stock of the Enterprise Railroad Company, will be opened at Lunifkin, ou Monday the 18tb day cl Sep tember ne.tt; and on the day thereafter, at same place, there will be an election for Direc tors (seVen) to manage the affairs of said com pany L. BUYAN, T. W. BATTLE, W. R. HOLLIDAY, J. G. SINGER, J. L. WIMBERLY, aug 18 3IVI Corporators. Extract Strawberry, Vanilla, Pineapple and Lemon, For Flavoring, at B. J. JACKSON'S. CUTHBERT, GEORGIA, FRIDAY, SEPTEMBER 22, 1871. An Indian Fight. Last Sunday morning says a let ter from South Pass, Wyoming Territory, the citizens of Wind River Yalley, in this Territory, were startled by the cry of “Indi ans !” A strong -war party of hos tile savages, supposed to be Sioux, had come into the valley, and un der cover of a dense fog, had at tacked the settlement. An old Snake Indian belonging to Washa kie’s friendly tribe was on his way to tho Agency, and the hostile sav ages pounced down upon him, took away his ponies, and carried off one of his wives. The squaw kicked and struggled so vigorously that she finally got away, and her hus band coming to her assistance with a revolver, "kept back her captors until she escaped into the brush and hid. The Indians then rode up to the house of James Rogers and drove off his cattle, carrying away with them all the old Snake Indi an’s Tubes and buffalo meat, and the two ponies they had captured. Most of the settlers were inclined to keep close to their houses, not being able in the fog to ascertain bow many Indians there were in the hostile party. As soon, how ever, as it Was known that the sav ges were falling back to the hills, four friendly Snakes and three white men mounted their horses and went in pursuit. When the bluffs were reached, above the fog, the savages were seen, about 25 in number, dri ving off the Mock to the northward. The Snakes and white men followed rapidly, and compelled the maraud ers to abandon the cattle. The savages, however, soon afterward showed fight, and a council of war having been held by the Snakes and white men, it was decided that seven men, however brave, should not attack 25 warriors as brave as themselves and far better armed and mounted. The Chief of the Snakes, Washakie, was on his way with the tribe to the Agency, and could hot then be many miles dis tant. The four Indians and one white man went in search of Wash akie’s camp, and the others return ed to Wind River settlement. The rest of the story I shall let my in formant relate in his own way. “It was near nightfall, and a heavy snow stormc had set in, when, fortunately, just as we were about to encamp, we heard the tramp of a multitude of horses, and saw the friends we were searching for toil ing slowly along through the storm. To hail them, find Washakie, and acquaint him with tlie occurrence of the morning, was the work of a few minutes. The ;Chicf, without saying a word, ordered the alarm to he sounded and the war-drum to beat. The warriors wondering what the matter could be, came rushing on their swift ponies from all directions, and swarmed in a dense mass around their venerable and beloved Chief. He ordered 60 of the best mounted men to fall out and prepare for war. This prepa ration consisted simply in painting their faces, and in 15 minutes they were mounted and ready for their Chief’s further commands. Asking how far it was to the trail, and turning over the care of the village to a subordinate Chief, Washakie put himself at tho head of his war riors and galloped away to tlie West. As it was most important that the trial should be struck before dark the ride was fast and furious. It was already growing dark when a shout announced the finding of the trail, and each warrior halted to rest his pony and axamine the signs. ‘Forty track; 25 soldiers,’ said Washakie, in his sententious way, after a careful scrutinizing of the tracks, Presently he added, ‘four or five hours,’ old, plain, plenty, good ; we catch ’um.’ To this re mark all the warriors solemnly an swered ‘Umph.’ The snow, which •had ceased falling for a time, com menced again, and the trial gradu ally began to disappear; still the Indians pursued long after no sign was visible to the eye of a white man. About midnight, however, a halt announced that the trail was lost, and it took considerable exam ination in the grass to find it again. At length we were once more on it; and now Washakie began to anxiously scan the clouds. ‘Bad, bad!’ he muttered. The night grew blacker and colder, and anoth er halt told us we were again off the scent. Dismounting, a part of the warriors started on foot to fol low the trail, the main body keep ing close in the rear and leading the ponies. All night long we toiled on, the guides at times following the trail through a heavy storm on their hands and knees. It was near daylight when again the night became pitchy dark and the trail was completely lost. ‘Good,said the chief in a cheerful voice, ‘we rest now; ’um not far off, and we get ’um in the morning.’ So we all lay down, holding our ponies by the lariat ropes, and had an hour’s good sleep. “It was hardly light when we were aroused by the guides, and, cold, stiff, and sore we resumed our journey. The trail was now plain, and we followed it rapidly. Short ly before sunrise the guides rode hurriedly back on the main column, and it was soon known that the hostile Indians were discovered, that they were still in camp, and, apparently, totally unconscious of our approach. The joy which light ed up the countenances of Washa kie and his followers cannot be de scribed ; but they said not a word nor even made a sign. Washakie ' went to the top of a knoll and re- connoitered the hostile camp. The ponies were quietly grazing at some distance from the warriors, who were huddled around a fire warm ing themselves. Hastily dividing his force into two parties, Washa kie sent one to sweep down upon the ponies and stampede them, while with the other he charged the warriors. A jutting bluff cov ered tlie approach to the camp, and both movements were entirely suc cessful. With a terrific yell the Snakes burst from cover upon the enemy, who at first turned to run for their ponies, but, seeing that they were cut off by one of Wash akie’s bands, they made for the bluffs near by. While crossing the little plain five of them were killed. Once under cover of the ravines and rocks, they made a good fight and drove back the Snakes, who dismounted and renewed the battle on foot. For over two hours the contest raged, when Washakie, seeing he could not dislodge the enemy, drew off his warriors. He had killed eight of the hostile Indians and se cured all the stock of tho band. Not wishing to lose his warriors, lie determined to let the matter end where it was. One thing was nec essary, however—a scalp to dance over on their return home. As all the dead Indians had fallen near the rocks, behind which their brethren lay concealed, the scalping of one of them was by no means an easy matter. A warrior volunteered to crawl up and get a scalp; and the Snakes, to cover his action, advan ced once more as if to battle. The enemy, however, was on the lookout; and when the warrior had nearly reached the body of his adversary, a well-directed shot from the hill killed him. Washakia, seeing the fate of his warrior, rushed forward amid a shower of bullets, and to tally regardless of the danger ho was in himself, cut the scalp from the head of the indian, and, unharm ed, returned with it in triumph tp his warriors. It is marvelous that the brave old man was not killed. Washakie at once set out on his return to the village at the agency, and entered his camp amid the plaudits of the whole tribe; the greatest of sol diers in the estimation of his peo ple.” The following day a party of Snake warriors went out to the bat tle-field and brought in six more scalps. The defeated Indians had hastily decamped, leaving their dead on the ground. This was most unusual, but as they were dismounted they of course could notcarry them off, and probably thought they had no time to spare to bury them. Washakie lost in this affair one man killed, and had three wounded, of whom one will die. The Indians he fought with, who were at first supposed to be Sioux, turned out to be Northern Cheyennes. They numbered 27 men, and lost eight killed and all their stock. The defeated Indians retreated iu the direction of Big Beaver where there is at present a column of cavalry scouting from Camp Stambang. It is believed that those who escaped from the Snakes will fall into the hands of the cavalrymen. Os course, being off their reservation without au thority and on the war-path, these Cheyennes, if found by the United States troops, will be treated as hostile. Col. Bartlett, who com mands in Wind River, is of the opinion that this battle will lead to a general war between the Suakes and the Cheyennes and their Sioux allies. It is indeed highly probable we shall soon have some more In dian fighting in Northern Wyo ming, and the Indian Agent, Dr. Jas. Irwin, feels so uneasy that he is urging Gen. Auger, who com mands the Department of the Platte, to send a company of caval ry to protect the Agency on Little Wind River. A Good Irish Anecdote. —Some yearssince, when the beautiful paint ing of Adam and Eve was exhibit ed in Ireland, it became the chief topic of conversation. Finally a ragged, illiterate peasant went to see it. The light was so arranged as to reflect on the picture and leave the spectator in comparative dark ness. The peasant as he entered the room to see his first parents, was struck with so much astonish ment that he remained speechless for some moments. He stood like a statue, as though his feet were incorporated with the oaken floor of the rooom. At last with an ef fort he turned to an acquaintance and said : “Barney, I’ll niver say another word agin Adam in all me life, for had I been in the garden, I’d have eat ivery apple in it, for the sake of such a lovely creature as Eve.” Conundrums for the Sexes.— For the girls :—Could you love a man who wore false hair on his head when he had enough of liis own ? Who paints his face and improves his form as you improve (?) yours ? Who pinches his feet with small shoes, his hands with small gloves, his waist with corsets; and then, as if he had not been deformed himself, enough, ties a huge bustle to his back, and thrusts tiny moun tains of wire into his bosom ? For the boys;—Could you love a girl who defiled her mouth with tobacco, and loaded the air with fumes of cigars? Who staggered home several times a week the worse for liquor ? Who indulges in fast horses, bets high at races and swaggers around the streets with questionable companions ? MASONIC* Renunciation of Masonry. The Rev. Dr. B. T. Kavanaugh, of Galveston, Texas, gives to the Family Visitor the following epi sode in his pastoral and Masonic life: When comparatively a young Mason and young preacher, we met with an old minister whose preju dices ran very high against our time-honored Order. Being an old and venerable Father iu Israel, he took liberties with the younger members of the sacred office, and in a very impious manner accosted us as follows : “ Brother K., I umderstood you belong to the Freemasons ; is that possible ?” “Yes, sir, I have the honor to be a member of that honorable Or der.” “ Well, sir, I am opposed' to the whole thing, and I require you to renounce it! It is no place for a young minister to be, and I expect you to give it up at once.” “ Well, Father M.,” we replied, “ I would certainly go as far, in a departure from my ow n sense of right and duty, for yon as I would go for any other man or min ister 1 know of, as I have a pro found respect for your ago and po sition in the church; but I must act conscientiously, and in accor dance with what I believe to be right. Will you assist me iu my effort to conform to your wishes ? Lot us take up the matter under standingly, and renounce one thing at a time. In the first place, I want to know if you would have me to renounce the Mason's God? The Great Creator of the Universe ?” “Oh no, of course you cannot renounce God.” “ Well, sir, will you have me to renounce the Holy Scriptures, the great light in Masonry ?” “ Certainly not; they are the light of the world.” “ Then I w ould like to know if I must renounce Masonic Charity, and the brotherly kindness it teach es?” “Oh no ; Charity is a great Christian virtue, and you could not be a Christian without it.” “ Well, sir, will you please to tell me where I shall begin to re nounce, and what I shall renounce?” “ Why, yes; I think you should renounce those secret Lodges, and the keeping company with those wicked men ; that is where the dan ger lies.” ** The secret Lodges ! Why, sir, we are obliged to have secret Lod ges. We have great treasure in store in our Order; and we are bound to keep them under the lock of our secrets, and allow not one to possess the mystic key until we have tried him and found him to be a good mau and true. “ Wicked company ! If yon think a Lodge wicked company whore we keep the Bible and open our meetings with prayer, why then I think you had better close the Churches too, for wicked men go there; and, indeed, I cannot tell where you will go and not find what you call wicked men. You will certainly have to get out of the world.” “ Yes ; but what I mean is, that you should not associate as com panions.” “ Then you mean that I am not to follow the example and teach ings of Christ, who was noted for his kindness to sinners—declared that he came to 6eek no others.” “ Oh, well, I do not see how you are to renounce the principles of Masonry ; I mean to say i have never joined them. I did not think it right.” “ Well, sir, I have joined them, and profess to know a great deal more about them than you can know ; and I think it is right.” Here the conversation ended ; and here ended any further effort to “require us to renounce Mason ry. ” After a few months, men who made our acquaintance in the Lodge, who have never visited the Church, owing to prejudice against our Father M., now followed ns to the Church, were converted and became zealous Christians. After this the old Father became zealous for the Order, and thought it a great blessing. How many of this class, who op pose our Order, are still left we cannot say ; but we are certain if they knew more about it, they would find no cause for objection. The Quality of Masonic Membership. No greater mistake can be made by a Lodge than to be ambitious of numbers, regardless of the charac ter of the material. Asa single false stone worked into a founda tion may result in toppling the w’hole building dowD, so some un principled libertine may destroy the whole credit of a Masonic edi flee. The principle need of to-day is a strict scrutiny of the quality of the applicants for admission to our fra teruity. Masonry has increased its adherents until it has beaomo a popular institution. As long as the Churcli of God was persecuted it was pure. No man sought its sa cred communion unless actuated by a principle ready to stand the test of martyrdom. But, when it began to receive the patronage of crowns and the revenues of em pires) when there were high places to be awarded) and fat salaries to be dispensed, then the time serving and self seeking came within its pales and introduced the corrupt leaven which well nigh worked its ruin. So long as Masonry was too lim ited iu numbers to afford a tempt ation for corrupt and designing men to ally their fortunes with its" des times', just so long was it relatively pure. For we are strong, and those who have lost character come to us find desire to be propped up iii society by out influence. Men who wish to traffic on the good will engender ed of our fraternity are seeking our recognition, and may in the end turn our Lodge rooms into a den of thieves. It is not even sufficient that a candidate be a man of pure and uncorruptible principle. In addi tion to being under the tongue of good report, in this respect, he should be possessed of sufficient in telligence, and refined sensibility to appreciate our sublime teachings and the appositeness of the didac tic symbols of Freemasonry. Let it be borne in mind that we do not propose Masonry as an im becile school, or as a hospitah— Our work is not to light the * mind of fools, or to cleanse tho moral leprosy of the corrupt in heart and life. It is a mockery foi ; a man to be sporting the symbtllry of our Order in the jewels he wears, who cannot give you an intelligent in terpretation of the significance of our emblems. It is profane for a man to wear the G on his breast whose mouth is foul with blasphe mous oaths. Men of wisdom and worth seek the associations of Masonry upon grounds of congeniality. They on ly in our altar-oaths confirm the principles and practices of a virtu ous life followed before they found their way to our altars. A maij seeking the fraternization of Masons should boas pure in heart when he rises up from their imposition. We commit an error, gross in its nature, when we regard Masonry as a reformatory institution and ad mit to our association the ignorant and profligate. We want quality of membership more than quantity. Tile the out er door. Look to the ballot.—Ken tucky Freemason. Grammar School Extraordinary. At the recent Splendid exhibition of the “Lee High School,” in Greens boro, Ga., a class of small sprouts three feet high, and in prodigious standing collars, got off the follow ing specimen of their progress in parsing. The audience was speech less, and many were lifted in hor ror : Teacher —raise man. Pupil —Man is a common noun of the feminine gender. Teacher —What’s that, sir? Pupil—Man is a common noun of the feminine gender—common, ’cause lie can be bought cheap ; and feminine gender ’cause he’s always got woman on the brain ; Bth per son, ’cause his wife and six children come first—is in the objective case and governed by a woman; Teacher—Go to your seat, sir and put a wet cloth on your head. Teacher —Next parse woman. Pupil—Woman is a female noun of the masculine gender. Teacher —Mercy on us ! what do you say, sir ? Pupil—She’s a feminine noun of the masculine gender —masculine, ’cause she wears the breechaloons and is determined to vote; she’s compounded of cotton, whalebone, starch, smiles, sunshine and thunder clouds—is in the first person, ’cause she’s always the person speaking; plural number, ’cause she makes more noise than half a dozen par rots —is in the objective case and governed by the fashions. Teacher—Sit down, sir, and rinse your month with prophylactic fluid. Teacher—Next, parse boy. Pupil—Boy is an uncommon noun, of the goslin gender and female persuasion. Teacher—Thunder and black jacks! What is that, sir? Pupil—Boy is an uncommon noun, of the goslin gendel* and female persuasion—uucommon, ’cause lie’s hard to find now-a-days; goslir. gender, ’cause lie soon enters the threshold of goosehood; female persuasion, ’cause he’s always got the heart-sick about some female; first person, big Ike; singular num ber, ’cause there’s nobody but him self; in the objective case, and gov erned by his embryo moustache, Schiedam Schnapps, and the length of his daddy’s purse. Teacher—Go home, sir, aud bathe your feet in mustard. Teacher—Parse girl. Pupil—Girl is an angelic noun of the Grecian bend gender, and mas culine tendencies. Teacher—Save us from sudden death ! These boys will never be raised. How is that, sir ? Pupil—Girl is an angelic noun, ’cause she paints her cheeks and loves inguns ; she’s compounded of cosmetics, flowers, fuss and feath ers ; is of masculine tendencies, ’cause she wears shirt bosoms, pa per collars, and always has her head full of boys; singular number, ’cause the boys are afraid of them, and matrimony is played out; third person, ’cause she’s much spoken off; in the objective case and gov erned by a gypsy bonnet. Teacher—Next, parse corn. Pupil—Corn is an uncommon noun of the neuter gender. Teacher—Bless my life ! go on, sir. Pupil —Corn is an uncommon noun, ’cause farmers have well nigh quit raising it—it is used as an ad jective and belongs to Tennessee, Ohio and Kentucky. When jjafsed as a noun, it is in the objective case and goverfied by Cotton. Teacher—Sit down, ! Teacher —Next, parse cotton. Pupil— Cotton is a royal noun of thb starving gender. Teacher—Listen at that! Pupil—Royal, ’cause it is King, (but only over the Southern people), starving gender, ’cause it has well nigh starred out the South ; in the objective case and govern ad by zy freedmeti. Teacher—Next, parse fashion. Pupil—Fashion is a tyrannical noun of the common gender. Teacher—Catfish and blunder busses 1 What’s that sir ? Pupil—Fashion is a tyrannical noun, cause it must be obeyed, and laughs at a poor man’s purse; com mon gender, ’cause all people bow to it; it is compounded of flounces, flimsies, flatnsies, ruffles, scuffles, bubbles, troubles, ruffs, cuffs, snuffs, higgles, giggles, sniggles, curls, furls, hairs, snares, Grecian bend, fuss and feathers. It was once in the objective case and governed by but is now in the nomina tive case independent. Teacher —Go home, sir, and go to bed. Teacher—Next, parse baby. Pupil—Baby is an obsteporous musical noun of the neuter gentler. Teacher—Moses and the prophets save us from destruction. What do you say, you little imp? Pupil—Baby is a musical noun, ’cause it sings a soft tune between midnight and day, specially of a cold night—it is neuter gender, cause it is neither male n(fr female till it is big enough to wear breech es. It weighs according to size, aud incasuaes according to propor tions. Is compounded of rags and lungs, and especially of lungs, grows at a rapid rate, and soou Icarus to smoke cigars, drink spirits, talk short to dad, and make love to gals. It is also of the spoilt gender,’cause it is allowed to pat its foot in the gravy whenever it chooses, is in the objective case and governed by candy and sugar plums. Teacher —Go home, sir, and tell your mother to rock you to sleep. Teacher—Parse matrimony. Pupil—Matrimony is an ancient noun of defunct gender. Teacher —Hear him ! You little vagabond, what do you say ? Pupil—Matrimony, is of the de funct gender, 'cause it’s played out. Girls are plentiful as blackberries, but they’ve got nothing, they toil not, neither do they spin, yet Solo mon in all his glory couldn’t dress like ’em. Matrimony is compound ed of the words, mate and money, but when there’s match now-a-days, it is nothing without the money. Third person, ’cause it’s spoken of much by the girl’s daddy. Teacher —Take a back seat, sir, and rub yottl* head with a brick ! Teacher —Parse kissing. Pupil —Kissing is a common labi al noun of the explosive gender. Teacher—Sakes alive ! What do you mean ? Pupil—Kissing is in the explo sive gender, ’cause it is usually at tended with various explosive sounds; sometimes like the bursting of a tor pedo ; sometimes like the sucking of a calf; sometimes like unto weep ing, or Jacob kissing Rachel and lifted up his voice and wept. It is common cause it is peculiar to all sexes and ages, specially to young girls, preachers aud widows. Kiss ing is derived from bussing and is of various kinds. Ist. There’s re bus, which is bussing again. 2d. There is omnibus, which is bussing all the gals in the room. 3d. There’s blunderbuss, which is one man kiss ing another man’s wife; and 4th. There’s syllabus, which is one girl kissing another girl, where so many boys are spiling for a buss. It is second person ,’cause it takes two to perforin the operation ; plural num ber, ’cause they generally take more than one when they can get a chance; is in the objective case and governed by surrounding circum stances. Just here the teacher and vast auditory broke down. A bevy of red headed girls rushed upon the rostrum and demaded that the little imps be hung instanter, if not soon er, and order was not restored till the Marshal assured them that all the little reprobates should be hung at sunrise next morning. The teacher was taken off on a window shatter. A Frenchman cannot pronounce “ship.” The word is “sheep” in his moutf). Seeing an iron-clad, he said to the boy, “Ish dis a war sheep ?” “No,” answered the boy, “its a ram.” A little girl, busy in making a pair of worsted slippers for her father, said to young companion near her: “You are very lucky, you are; your papa has got only one leg.” A Michigander who “fought 2 terms of school & attended Colledge 4 yrs at detroit michigau” and is “26 years av age,” wants a pocitiau as teecher” in some Ohio “cemona rie.” Curran was once asked by one of his brother judges, “Do you sec anything ridiculous in this wig?” “Nothing but the head,” was the reply. What is the difference between a chilly man and a hot dog ? One wears a great coat the other pants. The reason why editors have their manners spoiled, is because they receive s6 many evil commu nications. NO. 39 [From the Waverly Magazine.] Undying Beauty: You say we’re growing old, love ; That yeaia are speeding by, And the fallen leaves of autumd Around btif pathway lie; That iVe have passed the splendor Os the summer’s glorioits reigri ; And yon sadly whisper, “Darling; If the spring if ere Ours again!” f Fib l , the Orient flush baa faded from the morning’s glowing sky, And the fragrant flowers of summer Iu their faded beauty lie ; But is the world lees pleasant. Am I any less to you, Because the flowers hate withered, Aud the summcr-tlttie i§ through ? The years have passed you lightly. Crowned you with a sWeetef grate ; No silver threads tfij flenses. Not a wrinkle can you trace ; On your cheek the rose is bloofttlng, And your e£bs with brightness glow, And your Voice thrills Batik tbesweetnesrf Os the old-tinie long agtf. Tlie past is pleasant, darting, To me as well as yon ; But why regret tho autumn While the heart ia parts and tone f I loved you ttheit Hit! Song-birds Carolled in the bidding May ; And; if yriitth Has vanished from its; fthbtfld I love you lew to-day f Still the world is Bright before iii, And tlie lesson life should teach--* In the heart is shrined a beauty That the years can ucver reach ; And the heart is ever youthful That is blessed with love divide; Though Witt path is leading downward Where tNe efedlflj* shades recline. E. L. Johnson. VARIETY. A “leader.”—A blind man’s dog: Why should young ladies set good examples? Because yciting tnen nio FU :!pt to follow them. Inquisitive people are the funer als of conversation; they do not take iu anything for their own use, but merely to pass it to another* A Boston JJapef, Writing df it re : cent address, says : “The discourse! was an hour m length, and was lis tened to with ability. Tlie height of politeness is pass ing round upon tho opposite side of a lady; when walking with her, id order not to step tfpdii her shadow: “Madam, I am glad to see, you,” “I cannot say as much for you, sir,® “Ah, madam, you might, did you but suffer politeness to overcome veracity.” A Frenchman said of ShakspearC; “Yen you find anyzing you no ttn dorstan’, it is always somezing fine.” Why are birds melancholy in the morning ? Because their little bills arc all pfer deft. The following advertisement has attracted no little attention : “Want ed, by a boy, a situation in ah eat ing house. Its is tised to Ihfe busi ness. A reviewer suggests that Mr. Lowell probably called his neW book “My Study Windows” becausd he took great pains with it. A young man generally gives a lock of his hair to his sweetheart before he marries her. -Aftfef rfiftf riage she sometimes helps herself, and don’t use scissors. A henpecked husMrid in Bngtatvd made this naive CcufCSSldtt lit thd last column of his census Sfitlfeaule : “Wife says 1 aril little bettef thatt ad idiot and a lunatic.” Dr. J.ovick Pierce will deliver the address on the ocCasipn of toy ing the corner-StdfiO of Washingtoti Street Methodist Churdli of Colurt bus on the 21st inst. Socrates used to sily to his fiiends that his wife was his great est blessing, since she was a nevef ceasmg monitor of patience, from whom he learned so much within his own doors that the crosses be met elsewhere were light to him. Mrs. Gkn. Lek.—A letter fforrt the Rockbridge Bathsj Speaking of Mrs. Gen. Lee, Who is ri tisitof there, says: M Mrs. Lee has Won the hearts of all. She has a cheerful word for every orie. Though seeking relief from a chronic malady, she forgets her own ills, and visits to hes wheel chair the sick, and miniatetU by pleasant wordß advice arid couragement to all. Bishdp Leigh* ton said, on returning from some! impressive scene, that “he had met a sermon in the street.” The serene faith and active benevolence of this noble lady touches the heart beyond all pulpit oratory. Temperance Fable.— The ratd once assembled in a large cellar, to devise some method of safely get ting the bait from a steel trap which lay near, having seen numbers of their friends and relatives snatched from them by its merciless jaws." After many long speeches and the proposal of many elaborate but fruitless pinna, a happy wit, wlaarf ing erect, said •, — “It is my opiuioo,. that if with one paw we can keep down the spring, we can safely take the food from the trap with thf other.” All the rats presont loudly squealed assent. Then they war® startled by a faint voice, and a poor rat, with only three legs limping into the ring, stood up to speak. “My friends, I hare tried the method you propose, and see the result Now let me suggest a plan to escape the trap. Let it alone”