Georgia Historic Newspapers

    Yol. y.
THE APPEAL,
PUBLISHED EVERY FRIDAY,
BY SAWTELL 4 CHRISTIAN.
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AUlettersaddressed to the Proprietor will
be promptly attended to.
ANDREW
Female College,
cuthbert ga.
THE exercises of this inetitntiop will be
resumed On Wednesday, the df Sep
tember next, and close on Thursday before the
last Sabbath in June. ' . ■
The scholastic yenr will be divided into
Three Terms, beginning 2<lfk. September, Ist.
January and Ist of April;
REGULAR COURSE:
I’ER TERM. PKII ANNUM.
trimarv Department sl2 00 S3O 00
Preparatory “ 15 00 45 00
Collegiate “ SOM GO,OO
Diploma Fee, (paid on
iSSS 8 ’ ■«» *
Boafd, Washing 1 , 'Fuel'
and Lights, IS 00
Regular tuition of daughters living by the
miuistry—no charge.
Eacli hoarding pupil should be furnished
with a Bible, Trunk, one pair of sheets, one
liair of Pillow-cases, one pair Blankets, four
land-Towcls, over-shoes aud umbrella.
EXTRA COURSE :
TER ANNUM.
Greek andFrefhch, each $-10 00
Tuition in Music GO 0(1
Use of Piano 8 00
Drawing and Pastel 80 00
Instruction in OF Paintiug, 40 00
Calisthenics, conducted by a
lady •*
Singing in Classes No charge.
Extra course pursued at tlie option of Pa
rents and Guardians. Payments must be made
in October, January and April.
Each pupil shoal'd be present a* the opening
of the School.
The undersigned having been elected Preei
dent of Andrew Female College, an old and
popular Institution, sends finternal areetiugs
to the Colleges of tlie South, makes bis buw
to the public, and solicits sympathy and a lib
eral share of patronage.
Summoned to a high and lioly work—that
of preparing the mindsand hearts of i lie- you g
for the business aud pleasures, joys and sor
rows of life—he will call to lus assistance
the best edtu-ntors of the country, and address
himself to (lie task with ail tlie real mid in
dustry that he cannot command. Should lime,
whose verdict we woo, demons!rate that he
caunot preside with dignity and auccess—
that he iaiincapable of imparling instruction—
that he is is not in the proper place—that A.
Fi C. does not return a substantial equivalent
toils patrons-the President will aimudon
the enterprise and refuud all damages reli
giously assessed.
Parents and guardians wishing to edneate
girls should not forget our healtluul locality,
relincd society, commodious and well ventila
ted buddings, beautiful grounds, magnificent
jrrove, and reasonable rates.
JOHN B McGEHEE,
President. A F. C.
Cuthbert, Ga., Aug. 16ih, 1871, tt
lee Cream!
1 WOULD respect Hilly inform my numer
ous friends and patrons that l liave coin
plcted and opened my
ICE CREAM SALOON,
And am prepated to serve them in the very
best of style. I have spared no pains or ex
pease in fitting np my establishment, and ci.n
truthfully say I have the
Finest Saloon in S. W. Georgia,
And am fully prepared to meet the wants of
the public. My
LADIES’ SALOOA,
Has been arranged and furnished wilb a spe
eial desire to please. Adjoining ib the OliN
TLKMEN’S SALOON, which has been thor
ouglily re-furnished and fitted up in the best
Os style. These Saloons are bo constructed as
to enable me to throw them both into one,
"when occasions riquire it, and he enabled to
seat from
75 to 100 Guests!
In the same room. lam also fully prepared
to furnish my customers with a superior arti
cle of
SODA WATER!
t have also gone to considerable expense in
hiaking improvements in this department of
tny business, and am better prepared than
eves before to meet the wants of the public.
IOB! I 033 ! !
I will keep Ice ou h nd for sale tu quanti
se to suit tbe public.
Give me a call.
A. W. GILLESPIE.
ty A full assortment of Confectioneries
ways on hand. augt et
The City Bar
AND
BllllardL Saloon
IS now supplied with a Large and Choice
Stock of
Wines, Liquors and Segars,
Both Foreign and Domestic, which can not
be surpassed by aDy Bar iu the State.
All the delicacies of the season, In the way
of Fancy Drinks, fixed iu style.
LAGER BEEU only Five Cents per glass.
A FIXE
Assortment of Slates,
For sale by T. 8. ROWELL, Trustee,
CUTHBERT gag APPEAL.
The Protector Fruit Jar,
A superior article,
For sale at cost, by &R COBB .
Green’s Dyspepsia Remedy,
For sale by T. S. POWELL, Trustee.
THEA-KECTAR!
A Black Tea with Green Tea Flavor,
at T. 8. POWELL'S, Trustee.
FOR FALL PLANTING.
Little Gem Peas,
Kale, Borecole or
German Dwarf Greens,
Cabbage, Coilards,
Carrots, Radish,
lettuce & Mneirtd,
For sale by T. 8. PO W K LL, Trust***
Druggist, Bookseller; nd Statim/c'-.
FINE (TKEEX TEA, '
“ BLACK TEA,
For Sale by T. 8; POWELL, Trtiste
FORSALE!
Thrff Plantations.
{ ,t-ai;S'T , IJ3W 1 ,/; - T fJ ets-iT
AS I have decided to chango my occupa
tion, ajtd'mv -place of resideucey I oiler
for sale the foilbking desirable property :
My Plantation
IN STEWART COUNTY, GA,
Seven miles soiith of Lumpkin, and (ifteen
north of Cutlibcrt, ,on the road from the for
mer to tlie latter place, containing
1,631 ACRES;
About three fourths cleared and in a high state
of cultivation. There arc three settlements
on the place.
The Improvements are Good.
The dwelling lias recently been recovered
and repainted in aDd out side. It lias seven
rooms and a cook rdom, and pantry attached.
There are a plenty of good cabins for labor
ers, and the most of them with good brick
chimneys, a good gin house and screw, new
stables and cribs, a large two story barn, a'
good smoke hoUse, dairy, carriage house, and
blacksmith shop.
There a c two good sprints near the dwell
ing, and jnany more on the plantation There
is a plenty of cane on the place tw wiuter a
large number of cattle.
W. A. Moreland on the place ill show the
plantation to any one wishing to see it.
Also,
MY PLANTATION
l\' IMllomil'iOTY, GEORGIA,
Near Benevolence, containing three hundred
and twenty acres ; two hundred cleared and
in a good s’tate of cultivation, with all neces
sary improvements, dwelling, Cabins, stables,
cribs, a good gin bouse and screw, choice
fruit trees of different kinds, splendid well
ami spring water,
Convenient to Churches and
Schools,
And noted for its healthfulr.es*.
Any one wishing to see the place, I refe?
them to W, A. Moreland on my place in Stew
art. .( J ' v
And
MY PLANTATION IN
RUSSELL COUNTY, ALA.,
Fourteen mileß from Columbus, near Big
Uchee Creek, two aud a half miles from the
flemishing town of Silver Bun. on the Mo
bile A. Girard K. lb, containing nine hundred
and seventy five acres, about one half cleared
aud in a good state of cultivation, well im
proved, iu au
Excellent Neighborhood
of the boat sp.-iety. and unsurpassed for health
fulness'; a plenty of good spring water ou any
part of the plantation ; a small creek running
diagonally through the main body of the plan
tation The dwelling has six large rooms, and
a store room, bath room, and two pantries, al
so a cook room eonrected to the dwelling by
a eolonade; good framed cabins with hr ch
chimneys, two sets of stables, two carriage
houses, hlaeksmith shop, good gin house and
screw, and other buildings, frnit Os d.lferent
kinds.
Mr P. 11. Perry who lives near the place
will take pleasure in showing it to any one.
My terms for either place is one half cash,
the balance in one and two years with interest.
Either place for rent alter the first of Decem
for next, if not sold bv that time.
My address will b ■ Atlanta, Ga., nntil after
the first of October next, then Cuthbert Ga.,
until the first of January next.
augll-tf A*. F. MORELAND.
VALUABLE
Property for Sale
AT A SACRIFICE
For the Money !
T want to sell my GRIST .& FLOURING
1 MILLS near Fort Gaines, Ga., run by wa
ter —never failing stream. Tbe best Mills in
Southwest Georgia.
Also, my PLANTATION one and a half
miles from Cotton Hill, containing 650 acres
of laud, neat, and comfortable residence, beau
tiful location, all necessary out houses, negro
cabins, ect-., together with STOCK of all
kinds
Cotton Hill is noted for its School. Place
as healthy as the mountains. Will sell cheap.
Apply for particulars to
JOHN CALLAWAY,
Colton Hill.
Or W. C. GUNN,
Gaines, Ga.
Enterprise B.R- Cos.
NOTICE is hereby given, t' at Books for
subscription to the Capital Stock of the
Enterprise Railroad Company, will be opened
at Lunifkin, ou Monday the 18tb day cl Sep
tember ne.tt; and on the day thereafter, at
same place, there will be an election for Direc
tors (seVen) to manage the affairs of said com
pany L. BUYAN,
T. W. BATTLE,
W. R. HOLLIDAY,
J. G. SINGER,
J. L. WIMBERLY,
aug 18 3IVI Corporators.
Extract Strawberry, Vanilla,
Pineapple and Lemon,
For Flavoring, at
B. J. JACKSON'S.
CUTHBERT, GEORGIA, FRIDAY, SEPTEMBER 22, 1871.
An Indian Fight.
Last Sunday morning says a let
ter from South Pass, Wyoming
Territory, the citizens of Wind
River Yalley, in this Territory,
were startled by the cry of “Indi
ans !” A strong -war party of hos
tile savages, supposed to be Sioux,
had come into the valley, and un
der cover of a dense fog, had at
tacked the settlement. An old
Snake Indian belonging to Washa
kie’s friendly tribe was on his way
to tho Agency, and the hostile sav
ages pounced down upon him, took
away his ponies, and carried off one
of his wives. The squaw kicked
and struggled so vigorously that
she finally got away, and her hus
band coming to her assistance with
a revolver, "kept back her captors
until she escaped into the brush
and hid. The Indians then rode up
to the house of James Rogers and
drove off his cattle, carrying away
with them all the old Snake Indi
an’s Tubes and buffalo meat, and
the two ponies they had captured.
Most of the settlers were inclined
to keep close to their houses, not
being able in the fog to ascertain
bow many Indians there were in
the hostile party. As soon, how
ever, as it Was known that the sav
ges were falling back to the hills,
four friendly Snakes and three white
men mounted their horses and went
in pursuit. When the bluffs were
reached, above the fog, the savages
were seen, about 25 in number, dri
ving off the Mock to the northward.
The Snakes and white men followed
rapidly, and compelled the maraud
ers to abandon the cattle. The
savages, however, soon afterward
showed fight, and a council of war
having been held by the Snakes
and white men, it was decided that
seven men, however brave, should
not attack 25 warriors as brave as
themselves and far better armed
and mounted. The Chief of the
Snakes, Washakie, was on his way
with the tribe to the Agency, and
could hot then be many miles dis
tant. The four Indians and one
white man went in search of Wash
akie’s camp, and the others return
ed to Wind River settlement. The
rest of the story I shall let my in
formant relate in his own way.
“It was near nightfall, and a
heavy snow stormc had set in, when,
fortunately, just as we were about
to encamp, we heard the tramp of a
multitude of horses, and saw the
friends we were searching for toil
ing slowly along through the storm.
To hail them, find Washakie, and
acquaint him with tlie occurrence
of the morning, was the work of a
few minutes. The ;Chicf, without
saying a word, ordered the alarm to
he sounded and the war-drum to
beat. The warriors wondering
what the matter could be, came
rushing on their swift ponies from
all directions, and swarmed in a
dense mass around their venerable
and beloved Chief. He ordered 60
of the best mounted men to fall out
and prepare for war. This prepa
ration consisted simply in painting
their faces, and in 15 minutes they
were mounted and ready for their
Chief’s further commands. Asking
how far it was to the trail, and
turning over the care of the village
to a subordinate Chief, Washakie
put himself at tho head of his war
riors and galloped away to tlie West.
As it was most important that the
trial should be struck before dark
the ride was fast and furious. It
was already growing dark when a
shout announced the finding of the
trail, and each warrior halted to
rest his pony and axamine the signs.
‘Forty track; 25 soldiers,’ said
Washakie, in his sententious way,
after a careful scrutinizing of the
tracks, Presently he added, ‘four
or five hours,’ old, plain, plenty,
good ; we catch ’um.’ To this re
mark all the warriors solemnly an
swered ‘Umph.’ The snow, which
•had ceased falling for a time, com
menced again, and the trial gradu
ally began to disappear; still the
Indians pursued long after no sign
was visible to the eye of a white
man. About midnight, however,
a halt announced that the trail was
lost, and it took considerable exam
ination in the grass to find it again.
At length we were once more on
it; and now Washakie began to
anxiously scan the clouds. ‘Bad,
bad!’ he muttered. The night
grew blacker and colder, and anoth
er halt told us we were again off
the scent. Dismounting, a part of
the warriors started on foot to fol
low the trail, the main body keep
ing close in the rear and leading the
ponies. All night long we toiled
on, the guides at times following
the trail through a heavy storm on
their hands and knees. It was
near daylight when again the night
became pitchy dark and the trail
was completely lost. ‘Good,said
the chief in a cheerful voice, ‘we
rest now; ’um not far off, and we
get ’um in the morning.’ So we
all lay down, holding our ponies by
the lariat ropes, and had an hour’s
good sleep.
“It was hardly light when we
were aroused by the guides, and,
cold, stiff, and sore we resumed our
journey. The trail was now plain,
and we followed it rapidly. Short
ly before sunrise the guides rode
hurriedly back on the main column,
and it was soon known that the
hostile Indians were discovered,
that they were still in camp, and,
apparently, totally unconscious of
our approach. The joy which light
ed up the countenances of Washa
kie and his followers cannot be de
scribed ; but they said not a word
nor even made a sign. Washakie
' went to the top of a knoll and re-
connoitered the hostile camp. The
ponies were quietly grazing at some
distance from the warriors, who
were huddled around a fire warm
ing themselves. Hastily dividing
his force into two parties, Washa
kie sent one to sweep down upon
the ponies and stampede them,
while with the other he charged
the warriors. A jutting bluff cov
ered tlie approach to the camp, and
both movements were entirely suc
cessful. With a terrific yell the
Snakes burst from cover upon the
enemy, who at first turned to run
for their ponies, but, seeing that
they were cut off by one of Wash
akie’s bands, they made for the
bluffs near by. While crossing the
little plain five of them were killed.
Once under cover of the ravines
and rocks, they made a good fight
and drove back the Snakes, who
dismounted and renewed the battle
on foot.
For over two hours the contest
raged, when Washakie, seeing he
could not dislodge the enemy, drew
off his warriors. He had killed
eight of the hostile Indians and se
cured all the stock of tho band.
Not wishing to lose his warriors, lie
determined to let the matter end
where it was. One thing was nec
essary, however—a scalp to dance
over on their return home. As all
the dead Indians had fallen near the
rocks, behind which their brethren
lay concealed, the scalping of one
of them was by no means an easy
matter. A warrior volunteered to
crawl up and get a scalp; and the
Snakes, to cover his action, advan
ced once more as if to battle. The
enemy, however, was on the lookout;
and when the warrior had nearly
reached the body of his adversary,
a well-directed shot from the hill
killed him. Washakia, seeing the
fate of his warrior, rushed forward
amid a shower of bullets, and to
tally regardless of the danger ho
was in himself, cut the scalp from
the head of the indian, and, unharm
ed, returned with it in triumph tp
his warriors.
It is marvelous that the brave
old man was not killed. Washakie
at once set out on his return to the
village at the agency, and entered
his camp amid the plaudits of the
whole tribe; the greatest of sol
diers in the estimation of his peo
ple.”
The following day a party of
Snake warriors went out to the bat
tle-field and brought in six more
scalps. The defeated Indians had
hastily decamped, leaving their
dead on the ground. This was
most unusual, but as they were
dismounted they of course could
notcarry them off, and probably
thought they had no time to spare
to bury them. Washakie lost in
this affair one man killed, and had
three wounded, of whom one will
die. The Indians he fought with,
who were at first supposed to be
Sioux, turned out to be Northern
Cheyennes. They numbered 27
men, and lost eight killed and all
their stock. The defeated Indians
retreated iu the direction of Big
Beaver where there is at present a
column of cavalry scouting from
Camp Stambang. It is believed
that those who escaped from the
Snakes will fall into the hands of
the cavalrymen. Os course, being
off their reservation without au
thority and on the war-path, these
Cheyennes, if found by the United
States troops, will be treated as
hostile. Col. Bartlett, who com
mands in Wind River, is of the
opinion that this battle will lead to
a general war between the Suakes
and the Cheyennes and their Sioux
allies. It is indeed highly probable
we shall soon have some more In
dian fighting in Northern Wyo
ming, and the Indian Agent, Dr.
Jas. Irwin, feels so uneasy that he
is urging Gen. Auger, who com
mands the Department of the
Platte, to send a company of caval
ry to protect the Agency on Little
Wind River.
A Good Irish Anecdote. —Some
yearssince, when the beautiful paint
ing of Adam and Eve was exhibit
ed in Ireland, it became the chief
topic of conversation. Finally a
ragged, illiterate peasant went to
see it. The light was so arranged
as to reflect on the picture and leave
the spectator in comparative dark
ness. The peasant as he entered
the room to see his first parents,
was struck with so much astonish
ment that he remained speechless
for some moments. He stood like
a statue, as though his feet were
incorporated with the oaken floor
of the rooom. At last with an ef
fort he turned to an acquaintance
and said :
“Barney, I’ll niver say another
word agin Adam in all me life, for
had I been in the garden, I’d have
eat ivery apple in it, for the sake
of such a lovely creature as Eve.”
Conundrums for the Sexes.—
For the girls :—Could you love a
man who wore false hair on his head
when he had enough of liis own ?
Who paints his face and improves
his form as you improve (?) yours ?
Who pinches his feet with small
shoes, his hands with small gloves,
his waist with corsets; and then,
as if he had not been deformed
himself, enough, ties a huge bustle
to his back, and thrusts tiny moun
tains of wire into his bosom ?
For the boys;—Could you love
a girl who defiled her mouth with
tobacco, and loaded the air with
fumes of cigars? Who staggered
home several times a week the
worse for liquor ? Who indulges in
fast horses, bets high at races and
swaggers around the streets with
questionable companions ?
MASONIC*
Renunciation of Masonry.
The Rev. Dr. B. T. Kavanaugh,
of Galveston, Texas, gives to the
Family Visitor the following epi
sode in his pastoral and Masonic
life:
When comparatively a young
Mason and young preacher, we met
with an old minister whose preju
dices ran very high against our
time-honored Order. Being an old
and venerable Father iu Israel, he
took liberties with the younger
members of the sacred office, and
in a very impious manner accosted
us as follows :
“ Brother K., I umderstood you
belong to the Freemasons ; is that
possible ?”
“Yes, sir, I have the honor to
be a member of that honorable Or
der.”
“ Well, sir, I am opposed' to the
whole thing, and I require you to
renounce it! It is no place for a
young minister to be, and I expect
you to give it up at once.”
“ Well, Father M.,” we replied,
“ I would certainly go as far, in a
departure from my ow n sense of
right and duty, for yon as I would
go for any other man or min
ister 1 know of, as I have a pro
found respect for your ago and po
sition in the church; but I must
act conscientiously, and in accor
dance with what I believe to be
right. Will you assist me iu my
effort to conform to your wishes ?
Lot us take up the matter under
standingly, and renounce one thing
at a time. In the first place, I want
to know if you would have me to
renounce the Mason's God? The
Great Creator of the Universe ?”
“Oh no, of course you cannot
renounce God.”
“ Well, sir, will you have me to
renounce the Holy Scriptures, the
great light in Masonry ?”
“ Certainly not; they are the
light of the world.”
“ Then I w ould like to know if
I must renounce Masonic Charity,
and the brotherly kindness it teach
es?”
“Oh no ; Charity is a great
Christian virtue, and you could not
be a Christian without it.”
“ Well, sir, will you please to
tell me where I shall begin to re
nounce, and what I shall renounce?”
“ Why, yes; I think you should
renounce those secret Lodges, and
the keeping company with those
wicked men ; that is where the dan
ger lies.”
** The secret Lodges ! Why, sir,
we are obliged to have secret Lod
ges. We have great treasure in
store in our Order; and we are
bound to keep them under the lock
of our secrets, and allow not one to
possess the mystic key until we
have tried him and found him to be
a good mau and true.
“ Wicked company ! If yon
think a Lodge wicked company
whore we keep the Bible and open
our meetings with prayer, why
then I think you had better close
the Churches too, for wicked men
go there; and, indeed, I cannot
tell where you will go and not find
what you call wicked men. You
will certainly have to get out of the
world.”
“ Yes ; but what I mean is, that
you should not associate as com
panions.”
“ Then you mean that I am not
to follow the example and teach
ings of Christ, who was noted for
his kindness to sinners—declared
that he came to 6eek no others.”
“ Oh, well, I do not see how you
are to renounce the principles of
Masonry ; I mean to say i have
never joined them. I did not think
it right.”
“ Well, sir, I have joined them,
and profess to know a great deal
more about them than you can
know ; and I think it is right.”
Here the conversation ended ;
and here ended any further effort
to “require us to renounce Mason
ry. ”
After a few months, men who
made our acquaintance in the
Lodge, who have never visited the
Church, owing to prejudice against
our Father M., now followed ns to
the Church, were converted and
became zealous Christians. After
this the old Father became zealous
for the Order, and thought it a
great blessing.
How many of this class, who op
pose our Order, are still left we
cannot say ; but we are certain if
they knew more about it, they
would find no cause for objection.
The Quality of Masonic Membership.
No greater mistake can be made
by a Lodge than to be ambitious of
numbers, regardless of the charac
ter of the material. Asa single
false stone worked into a founda
tion may result in toppling the
w’hole building dowD, so some un
principled libertine may destroy
the whole credit of a Masonic edi
flee.
The principle need of to-day is a
strict scrutiny of the quality of the
applicants for admission to our fra
teruity. Masonry has increased its
adherents until it has beaomo a
popular institution. As long as the
Churcli of God was persecuted it
was pure. No man sought its sa
cred communion unless actuated
by a principle ready to stand the
test of martyrdom. But, when it
began to receive the patronage of
crowns and the revenues of em
pires) when there were high places
to be awarded) and fat salaries to
be dispensed, then the time serving
and self seeking came within its
pales and introduced the corrupt
leaven which well nigh worked its
ruin.
So long as Masonry was too lim
ited iu numbers to afford a tempt
ation for corrupt and designing men
to ally their fortunes with its" des
times', just so long was it relatively
pure.
For we are strong, and those who
have lost character come to us find
desire to be propped up iii society
by out influence. Men who wish
to traffic on the good will engender
ed of our fraternity are seeking
our recognition, and may in the end
turn our Lodge rooms into a den
of thieves.
It is not even sufficient that a
candidate be a man of pure and
uncorruptible principle. In addi
tion to being under the tongue of
good report, in this respect, he
should be possessed of sufficient in
telligence, and refined sensibility
to appreciate our sublime teachings
and the appositeness of the didac
tic symbols of Freemasonry.
Let it be borne in mind that we
do not propose Masonry as an im
becile school, or as a hospitah—
Our work is not to light the * mind
of fools, or to cleanse tho moral
leprosy of the corrupt in heart and
life. It is a mockery foi ; a man to
be sporting the symbtllry of our
Order in the jewels he wears, who
cannot give you an intelligent in
terpretation of the significance of
our emblems. It is profane for a
man to wear the G on his breast
whose mouth is foul with blasphe
mous oaths.
Men of wisdom and worth seek
the associations of Masonry upon
grounds of congeniality. They on
ly in our altar-oaths confirm the
principles and practices of a virtu
ous life followed before they found
their way to our altars. A maij
seeking the fraternization of Masons
should boas pure in heart when he
rises up from their imposition.
We commit an error, gross in
its nature, when we regard Masonry
as a reformatory institution and ad
mit to our association the ignorant
and profligate.
We want quality of membership
more than quantity. Tile the out
er door. Look to the ballot.—Ken
tucky Freemason.
Grammar School Extraordinary.
At the recent Splendid exhibition
of the “Lee High School,” in Greens
boro, Ga., a class of small sprouts
three feet high, and in prodigious
standing collars, got off the follow
ing specimen of their progress in
parsing. The audience was speech
less, and many were lifted in hor
ror :
Teacher —raise man.
Pupil —Man is a common noun of
the feminine gender.
Teacher —What’s that, sir?
Pupil—Man is a common noun
of the feminine gender—common,
’cause lie can be bought cheap ; and
feminine gender ’cause he’s always
got woman on the brain ; Bth per
son, ’cause his wife and six children
come first—is in the objective case
and governed by a woman;
Teacher—Go to your seat, sir and
put a wet cloth on your head.
Teacher —Next parse woman.
Pupil—Woman is a female noun
of the masculine gender.
Teacher —Mercy on us ! what do
you say, sir ?
Pupil—She’s a feminine noun of
the masculine gender —masculine,
’cause she wears the breechaloons
and is determined to vote; she’s
compounded of cotton, whalebone,
starch, smiles, sunshine and thunder
clouds—is in the first person, ’cause
she’s always the person speaking;
plural number, ’cause she makes
more noise than half a dozen par
rots —is in the objective case and
governed by the fashions.
Teacher—Sit down, sir, and rinse
your month with prophylactic fluid.
Teacher—Next, parse boy.
Pupil—Boy is an uncommon noun,
of the goslin gender and female
persuasion.
Teacher—Thunder and black
jacks! What is that, sir?
Pupil—Boy is an uncommon noun,
of the goslin gendel* and female
persuasion—uucommon, ’cause lie’s
hard to find now-a-days; goslir.
gender, ’cause lie soon enters the
threshold of goosehood; female
persuasion, ’cause he’s always got
the heart-sick about some female;
first person, big Ike; singular num
ber, ’cause there’s nobody but him
self; in the objective case, and gov
erned by his embryo moustache,
Schiedam Schnapps, and the length
of his daddy’s purse.
Teacher—Go home, sir, aud bathe
your feet in mustard.
Teacher—Parse girl.
Pupil—Girl is an angelic noun of
the Grecian bend gender, and mas
culine tendencies.
Teacher—Save us from sudden
death ! These boys will never be
raised. How is that, sir ?
Pupil—Girl is an angelic noun,
’cause she paints her cheeks and
loves inguns ; she’s compounded of
cosmetics, flowers, fuss and feath
ers ; is of masculine tendencies,
’cause she wears shirt bosoms, pa
per collars, and always has her head
full of boys; singular number,
’cause the boys are afraid of them,
and matrimony is played out; third
person, ’cause she’s much spoken
off; in the objective case and gov
erned by a gypsy bonnet.
Teacher—Next, parse corn.
Pupil—Corn is an uncommon
noun of the neuter gender.
Teacher—Bless my life ! go on,
sir.
Pupil —Corn is an uncommon
noun, ’cause farmers have well nigh
quit raising it—it is used as an ad
jective and belongs to Tennessee,
Ohio and Kentucky. When jjafsed
as a noun, it is in the objective case
and goverfied by Cotton.
Teacher—Sit down, !
Teacher —Next, parse cotton.
Pupil— Cotton is a royal noun of
thb starving gender.
Teacher—Listen at that!
Pupil—Royal, ’cause it is King,
(but only over the Southern people),
starving gender, ’cause it has well
nigh starred out the South ; in the
objective case and govern ad by
zy freedmeti.
Teacher—Next, parse fashion.
Pupil—Fashion is a tyrannical
noun of the common gender.
Teacher—Catfish and blunder
busses 1 What’s that sir ?
Pupil—Fashion is a tyrannical
noun, cause it must be obeyed, and
laughs at a poor man’s purse; com
mon gender, ’cause all people bow
to it; it is compounded of flounces,
flimsies, flatnsies, ruffles, scuffles,
bubbles, troubles, ruffs, cuffs, snuffs,
higgles, giggles, sniggles, curls,
furls, hairs, snares, Grecian bend,
fuss and feathers. It was once in
the objective case and governed by
but is now in the nomina
tive case independent.
Teacher —Go home, sir, and go
to bed.
Teacher—Next, parse baby.
Pupil—Baby is an obsteporous
musical noun of the neuter gentler.
Teacher—Moses and the prophets
save us from destruction. What
do you say, you little imp?
Pupil—Baby is a musical noun,
’cause it sings a soft tune between
midnight and day, specially of a
cold night—it is neuter gender,
cause it is neither male n(fr female
till it is big enough to wear breech
es. It weighs according to size,
aud incasuaes according to propor
tions. Is compounded of rags and
lungs, and especially of lungs, grows
at a rapid rate, and soou Icarus to
smoke cigars, drink spirits, talk
short to dad, and make love to gals.
It is also of the spoilt gender,’cause
it is allowed to pat its foot in the
gravy whenever it chooses, is in
the objective case and governed by
candy and sugar plums.
Teacher —Go home, sir, and tell
your mother to rock you to sleep.
Teacher—Parse matrimony.
Pupil—Matrimony is an ancient
noun of defunct gender.
Teacher —Hear him ! You little
vagabond, what do you say ?
Pupil—Matrimony, is of the de
funct gender, 'cause it’s played out.
Girls are plentiful as blackberries,
but they’ve got nothing, they toil
not, neither do they spin, yet Solo
mon in all his glory couldn’t dress
like ’em. Matrimony is compound
ed of the words, mate and money,
but when there’s match now-a-days,
it is nothing without the money.
Third person, ’cause it’s spoken of
much by the girl’s daddy.
Teacher —Take a back seat, sir,
and rub yottl* head with a brick !
Teacher —Parse kissing.
Pupil —Kissing is a common labi
al noun of the explosive gender.
Teacher—Sakes alive ! What do
you mean ?
Pupil—Kissing is in the explo
sive gender, ’cause it is usually at
tended with various explosive sounds;
sometimes like the bursting of a tor
pedo ; sometimes like the sucking
of a calf; sometimes like unto weep
ing, or Jacob kissing Rachel and
lifted up his voice and wept. It is
common cause it is peculiar to all
sexes and ages, specially to young
girls, preachers aud widows. Kiss
ing is derived from bussing and is
of various kinds. Ist. There’s re
bus, which is bussing again. 2d.
There is omnibus, which is bussing
all the gals in the room. 3d. There’s
blunderbuss, which is one man kiss
ing another man’s wife; and 4th.
There’s syllabus, which is one girl
kissing another girl, where so many
boys are spiling for a buss. It is
second person ,’cause it takes two to
perforin the operation ; plural num
ber, ’cause they generally take
more than one when they can get a
chance; is in the objective case and
governed by surrounding circum
stances.
Just here the teacher and vast
auditory broke down. A bevy of
red headed girls rushed upon the
rostrum and demaded that the little
imps be hung instanter, if not soon
er, and order was not restored till
the Marshal assured them that all
the little reprobates should be hung
at sunrise next morning. The
teacher was taken off on a window
shatter.
A Frenchman cannot pronounce
“ship.” The word is “sheep” in
his moutf). Seeing an iron-clad, he
said to the boy, “Ish dis a war
sheep ?” “No,” answered the boy,
“its a ram.”
A little girl, busy in making a
pair of worsted slippers for her
father, said to young companion
near her: “You are very lucky,
you are; your papa has got only
one leg.”
A Michigander who “fought 2
terms of school & attended Colledge
4 yrs at detroit michigau” and is
“26 years av age,” wants a pocitiau
as teecher” in some Ohio “cemona
rie.”
Curran was once asked by one of
his brother judges, “Do you sec
anything ridiculous in this wig?”
“Nothing but the head,” was the
reply.
What is the difference between
a chilly man and a hot dog ? One
wears a great coat the other pants.
The reason why editors have
their manners spoiled, is because
they receive s6 many evil commu
nications.
NO. 39
[From the Waverly Magazine.]
Undying Beauty:
You say we’re growing old, love ;
That yeaia are speeding by,
And the fallen leaves of autumd
Around btif pathway lie;
That iVe have passed the splendor
Os the summer’s glorioits reigri ;
And yon sadly whisper, “Darling;
If the spring if ere Ours again!”
f Fib l , the Orient flush baa faded
from the morning’s glowing sky,
And the fragrant flowers of summer
Iu their faded beauty lie ;
But is the world lees pleasant.
Am I any less to you,
Because the flowers hate withered,
Aud the summcr-tlttie i§ through ?
The years have passed you lightly.
Crowned you with a sWeetef grate ;
No silver threads tfij flenses.
Not a wrinkle can you trace ;
On your cheek the rose is bloofttlng,
And your e£bs with brightness glow,
And your Voice thrills Batik tbesweetnesrf
Os the old-tinie long agtf.
Tlie past is pleasant, darting,
To me as well as yon ;
But why regret tho autumn
While the heart ia parts and tone f
I loved you ttheit Hit! Song-birds
Carolled in the bidding May ;
And; if yriitth Has vanished from its;
fthbtfld I love you lew to-day f
Still the world is Bright before iii,
And tlie lesson life should teach--*
In the heart is shrined a beauty
That the years can ucver reach ;
And the heart is ever youthful
That is blessed with love divide;
Though Witt path is leading downward
Where tNe efedlflj* shades recline.
E. L. Johnson.
VARIETY.
A “leader.”—A blind man’s dog:
Why should young ladies set
good examples? Because yciting
tnen nio FU :!pt to follow them.
Inquisitive people are the funer
als of conversation; they do not
take iu anything for their own use,
but merely to pass it to another*
A Boston JJapef, Writing df it re :
cent address, says : “The discourse!
was an hour m length, and was lis
tened to with ability.
Tlie height of politeness is pass
ing round upon tho opposite side of
a lady; when walking with her, id
order not to step tfpdii her shadow:
“Madam, I am glad to see, you,”
“I cannot say as much for you, sir,®
“Ah, madam, you might, did you
but suffer politeness to overcome
veracity.”
A Frenchman said of ShakspearC;
“Yen you find anyzing you no ttn
dorstan’, it is always somezing fine.”
Why are birds melancholy in the
morning ? Because their little bills
arc all pfer deft.
The following advertisement has
attracted no little attention : “Want
ed, by a boy, a situation in ah eat
ing house. Its is tised to Ihfe busi
ness.
A reviewer suggests that Mr.
Lowell probably called his neW
book “My Study Windows” becausd
he took great pains with it.
A young man generally gives a
lock of his hair to his sweetheart
before he marries her. -Aftfef rfiftf
riage she sometimes helps herself,
and don’t use scissors.
A henpecked husMrid in Bngtatvd
made this naive CcufCSSldtt lit thd
last column of his census Sfitlfeaule :
“Wife says 1 aril little bettef thatt
ad idiot and a lunatic.”
Dr. J.ovick Pierce will deliver
the address on the ocCasipn of toy
ing the corner-StdfiO of Washingtoti
Street Methodist Churdli of Colurt
bus on the 21st inst.
Socrates used to sily to his
fiiends that his wife was his great
est blessing, since she was a nevef
ceasmg monitor of patience, from
whom he learned so much within his
own doors that the crosses be met
elsewhere were light to him.
Mrs. Gkn. Lek.—A letter fforrt
the Rockbridge Bathsj Speaking of
Mrs. Gen. Lee, Who is ri tisitof
there, says: M
Mrs. Lee has Won the hearts of
all. She has a cheerful word for
every orie. Though seeking relief
from a chronic malady, she forgets
her own ills, and visits to hes
wheel chair the sick, and miniatetU
by pleasant wordß advice arid
couragement to all. Bishdp Leigh*
ton said, on returning from some!
impressive scene, that “he had met
a sermon in the street.” The serene
faith and active benevolence of this
noble lady touches the heart beyond
all pulpit oratory.
Temperance Fable.— The ratd
once assembled in a large cellar, to
devise some method of safely get
ting the bait from a steel trap which
lay near, having seen numbers of
their friends and relatives snatched
from them by its merciless jaws."
After many long speeches and the
proposal of many elaborate but
fruitless pinna, a happy wit, wlaarf
ing erect, said •, — “It is my opiuioo,.
that if with one paw we can keep
down the spring, we can safely take
the food from the trap with thf
other.” All the rats presont loudly
squealed assent. Then they war®
startled by a faint voice, and a poor
rat, with only three legs limping
into the ring, stood up to speak.
“My friends, I hare tried the
method you propose, and see the
result Now let me suggest a plan
to escape the trap. Let it alone”