Cuthbert weekly appeal. (Cuthbert, Ga.) 18??-????, November 10, 1871, Image 1

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Cuthbert weekly appeal., November 10, 1871, Image 1

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Newspaper Page TextKwfttWa* VOL. V. THE APPEAL. PUBLISHED EVERY FRIDAY, BY SAWTELL &. CHRISTIAN. Term* of Subscription: Osk Yeah $3 00 | Six Months $2 00 INVARIABLY IN ADVANCE. J3T No attention paid to orders for the pa per un’ess accompanied by the Cash. Rates of Advertising : One square, (ten lines or less.) SI 00 for the first and 75 cents for each subsequent inser tion. A liberal deduction made to parties Who advertise by the year. Persons sendinjr ad vertieements should mark the number of times they desire them inser ted, or they will he continued until forbid and -qharged accordingly. Transient advertisements must he paid for «t the time of insertion. If not paid for before the expiration of the lime advertised, 25 per cent, additional will he charged. Announcing names of candidates for office, (5.00. Cash, in all cases. Obituary notices over five lines, charged at regular advertising ra*es. All communications intended to promote the private ends or interests of Corporations, So cieties, or individuals, will he charged as ad vertisemeuU. Job Work, such as Pamphlets, Circulars, Cards, Blanks, Handhlfls, etc., will he execu ted in good style and at reasonable rates. All letters addressed to the Proprietor wil> be promptly attended to. REMOVAIj ! PLANTERS WAREHOUSE ! WE now have the pleasure of Informing the planters of Randolph and adjacent counties, that E. McDonald haserecied anew. large and Commodious Warehouse,' on depot Stre t. south side of anil near the public square. .The location being more central and near the * business part of the city, will enable us tool fer many more inducements to the planting public than beretofore—where we will he pleased to meet with onr numerous old plant ing trie mis and customers besides many, many new »nes. We have ample arrangements for the recep tion and Storap of CoM and (foods. Thankful for past favors, we hope, with in creased advantages and personal attention, to Vive .general satisfaction and merit a liberal patronage. The latest published Commercial News will at all times he at the service of onr friends and patrons. Liberal cash advances made on cotton ami goods in store. Consignments Solicited. Personal attention given to tire sale of ott n Bagging. Ties, Salt, Ouuno, Thresh g Machines , Cotton Oins, Wagm 8, Boogies Harness, &.C., Ac. Pliin'Bdon supplier*furnished at lowe.t mar ket. prices. W on yard, well, rooms, fire places, fur tr.-i id iearns 1 its free. W. are looking forward with pleasure to the-speedv completion of two new Hail Road thoiou Bit iris to <>nr city, which will doubt less cause .1 great reduction in freights, there by enhancing the value of cotton and making onr mu ket second to none ill the interior. Planters, look to your lute est and bring vo 11) volioii to Cuibbert. e. McDonald & co. iUgB-4m ANDREW Female College, CUTHSrRT GA. rpllE exercises of this institution will be { n ginned on VVc(lnenlnv, the 20lli ot Sep tembi r next. Mill cleg* on TlmrgOay hefuru the 1 ist, Bahbnt.li in June. Tin- sehelnstle year will he divided into Three Terms, beginning 2>tll September, Ist. Jaliuuiy eurt let ot April: REGULAR COURSE: PER TERM. MR ANNUM. primary Department !?12 »<l $3(100 Preparatory •* J.'iOII 45 I'll Collegiate “ 20 UU GO,OO Diploma Fee, (paid on gtadd’aUriit) s•> Incidentals 1 00 iUoard, vVashing, Fuel and Lights, IS 00 Regular tuition of and -ughterg liv'f g hy the •ministry—no charge Each boarding pupil should he nriiislied with a Bible, Trunk, one pair of sheets, one {lair of Pillow-cases, one pair Blankets, four mud-Towels, over shoes and umbrella. EXTRA COURSE: TER ANNUM. Greek andFrench, each S4O 00 Tuition iu Music 00 00 Use of Piano 8 00 Drawing and Pastel 30 00 Instruction in Oi' Pa luting, 40 00 Calisthenics, conducted hy a lady 0o iSingmg iu Classes No charge Extra course pursued at the option ot I’a ireuts and Guardians. Paymeuts must be made iin October, January and April. Each pnpil Bhoul'd be present n‘ the opening •of the School. Ttaundersigned having been elected Presi dent of Andrew Fi male College, au old and popular Institution, sends fraternal greetings to the Colleges of the South, makes his bow to the public, and solicits sympathy and a lib cral share of patronage. Summoned to a high and holy work—flint of preparing the luindsamt hearts of the you g for the business and pleasures, joys and sor rows of life—he will call to Ins assistance the best educators of the countrv, ami address 'himself to the task with all the zeal and in dustry that lie can command. Should time; mvboee verdict we woo, demonstrate that lie cannot preside with dignity and success— t hat he is incapable of imparling instruction— that he is is not in the proper place—that A. F- C. does not return a substantial equivalent ,to its jiatrors-the Pr-gident, wilt abandon uhe enterprise and refund all damages reli -giously assessed. Parents and guardians wishing to educate girls should not forget our healthful locality, j-etined society, commodious and well ventila ted buildings,’ beautiful grounds, magnificent •irroTe. aud r« asoliable rates. * JOHN B McGEHEE, President. A F. C. Cuthbei t, Ga., Aug. I6th, 1871, ts VALUABLE LAND FOR SALE!! •T offer for sale my Plantation lying on the Be i nevolencc road, one and a hall miles from <Cuthbert, containing 405 Acres, known as Lots Nos. 227 aud 228. There are 130 acres cleared, balance well timbered.— Comfortable dwellings and necessary out buildings. Will be sold at a bargain. For further particulars apply to or address sep99 ts W K. WALL. " SNUFF &^TOBACCO, BY THE JAR AND BOX Very Low, at ALLIStN £ SIMPSON’S, CUTHBERT «| APPEAL. last up the Fallen. Lilt up the fallen—who can tell llow hard the struggle ere they fell? And though the way is dark they go, They would not always have it so. For there is scarce so vile a heart That does not have a better part Which longs at times for bighet bliss, Or sighs for other than it is. O, let not then a crushing frown Fall on the frail ones that are down ; Since they, perchance, would gladly rise But for the weight of scornful eyes. If in their heart hope lingers yet To dull one arrow of regret. Dare not so point the dart anew Thai may some time be aimed at you. For you no syren may have sung, Nor yet have been a living tongue ; So, standing, ponder lest you fall, And he yourself the scorned of all. By-And-By. Thereas a little mischief-making Elfin who is ever nigh, Thwartiug every undertaking, And his name is By-and-by. What we ought to do this minute “ Will be better done,” he'll cry, “ If to-morrow we begin it; Put it off,” says By-and-by. Those who heed his treacherous wooing Will his faithful guidance rue ; What we always put off doing, Clearly we shall never do ; We shall reach what we endeavor If on Now we more rely ; But unto the realms of Never Leads the pilot by-and-by. Professional Wits. Nothing wastes the powers of the mind more than a perpetual ef fort to say funny things. A few men like llood have snceeeded in writing wittily with little intermis sion. But they have been people who had a substratum of thorough ly serious thought and feeling. No man could feel more tenderly than the author of “ The Song of the Shirt” and “The Bridge of Sighs.” Douglas Jerrold made all the world laugh, but he was much more than a wit, and with Sj T dney Smith wit was only the the effer-escence of an intellect full of a rare flavor of thoughtfulness. But the people who keep their nose to the ground to catch the first cold scent of a joke are an abomina tion. They ruin wit by over effort, for wit is in one thing like mercy; its quality is not strained. These impertinent nuisances who set up for wits are thecoirsairs of conver sation, bearing down upon every sentence well freighted with thought, and endeavoring to sink it with a pun or some other explosive torpe do. If you talk of a funeral, such a man will make it a fun-eral, and if you are terrified into complete si lence he will note your pause and at tribute it to a pauscity of ideas.— Any allusion to unhappy marriages is greeted by a remark about Luci fer matches, and even honey-moons are moon shine to him. If you try to appeal to his moral sense, he will regale you with a stale pun about having no cents left, and he will as sure you that you ought to be sent to the penny-lentiary for your re mark. If you mention musicians, he declares that the bass fellow sings solo that you cannot hear a word he says, and that he would treble his bank-notes if he would sing ten-or a dozen notes higher. All connected conversation is de stroyed, and the wag gets to be a ■hopeless hunter after jokes, good for no purpose on earth except to play court fool. Perhaps the most melancholy illustration of the un happy effect of tlve perpetual effort to be funny is seen in the English comic papers. We defy any aver age American to read Punch straight through. Tom Hood’s Fun is the best, aud such dreary trash as most of it is! Wit is noble where it disperses the gloom of depression, where it lightens care, and where it does not weaken the sense of responsibility; but the young man who gives his days and nights to gratify an ambi tion to be considered funny will end by finding himself considered a fool and a bore. —Hearth & Home. The Human Figure. The proportions of the human figure are strictly mathematical.— The whole is six times the length of the feet. Whether the form be slender or plump, the rule holds good; any deviation from it is a departure from the highest beaut} 7 of proportion. The Greeks made all their statues according to this rule. The face, from the highest point of the forehead where the hair begins, to the chin, is one-tenth of the whole stature. The hand from the wrist to *he middle finger, is the same. From the top of the chest to the highest point of the forehead is a seventh. If the face from the roots of the hair to the chin, be divided into three equal parts, the first division determines the place where the eyebrow's meet, and the second the place of the nos trils. The height from the feet to the top of the head is the distance from the extremity of the fingers when the arms are extended. An Oswego druggist sprinkled the bench at his door with acids, and the loafers who infested the place found that the ventilating fa cilities it established in their pan taloons extended through the adja cent cpidemis. That seat isn’t <?f teu occupied now. CUTHBERT, GEORGIA, FRIDAY, NOVEMBER 10, 1871. The Wrecker’s Son. Rocky Point was a dangerous place at all times, and on this par ticular night especially so. Its great, ragged rocks protruded then heads above the waves, threaten ing woe to those who might be left to their mercy, while the white foam ing water dashed on the beach, and the wind whistled loudly overhead. It needed no seaman’s eye to tell that a storm was brewing. Stand ing on one of the highest rocks, two men were looking ont at sea. Their genera! appeai-ance betoken them fishermen, but it was evident ly not their occupation that brought them out on the rocks in this storm. “Is the fire ready to build ?” ask ed One of them, turning to his com panion. “Yes, the tvood is under cover and won’t get wet. Ain’t it pretty near to light up ?” “We will do it in a few minutes,” was the reply. A silence ensued for a while, when the man who had been last to speak spoke again : “So this is your last wreck, is it Jasper?” “Yes, Jim, this is my last wreck, and I ain’t extra sorry. You see when my wife died—you knew her, a delicate, weakly kind of a thing —she made me promise to take Charley, our only boy, and have him edicated. She wasn’t like me; and if she was fisherman On slow’s girl, and born on the coast, she was a delicate woman neverthe less. Well, sbe wanted our boy to have a better bringing up than lie’d get here, so I sent him away to live and get an edication. And now, after years, he’s cornin’ back to see me, and I’m goiu’ to leave Rocky Point forever. Os course he’d be ashamed and mad if he knew his father was the cause of shipwreck and death, just to get him an edi cation, and ’aril money for him.— Bat I’ve been thinkin’ over it for years, and came to the conclusion that if I did’nt do it someone else would, and as it’s payin’, I’ve stuck at it.” “That’s so, Jasper,” said Jim; “if we didn’t draw the ships on the rocks, someone else would. But ain’t it time to build the fire now ?” “Yes, light up. i’ll stay here and look out.” The scene scarcely needs an ex planation. There was but one good place to land near Rocky Point, and that was beyond the rocks.— It had been customary to light a watchfire on the rocks on wild nights, to warn away ships from destruction ; but there were rumors of strange mistakes on the part of inhabitants of Pocky Point. The vvatchfircs were sometimes built at the wrong place. It was no un common thing of a stormy night, to See a fire blazing on the beach at Point Harbor, while the rocks were dark as death ; when ships went ashore on Rocky Point, peo ple said some hard things about the amiable fishermau of that place. “This wreckin’ is bard business,” he muttered to himseif, “but it brings hard cash. Ugh —many a night I’ve woke up and seen white drownin’ faces and corpses shaking their drippin’ arms at me. But I’ve done it ail for my boy, and its near ly over. How much like bis moth er that last picture he sent me look ed ; delicate and weakly, but he didn’t fight the world for his bread and butter ; I’ve done that for him in the storms, night after night.— If I have put my hands in dead men’s pockets, it’s been for him.— Ugh—l thought I saw a white face just now.” Boom, over the stormy water came the solemn sound that an nounced a ship in distress, and a moment later the watch-fire on the beach flared up. “Now for work,” muttered the man, as he buttoned his pea jacket around him closely and turned toward the blaze. Sud denly he stopped and bent his head in a listening position. Boom, thun dered the gun again, and that was all. “I thought I heard someone callin’ me,” he said in a hoarse whis per ; “I wonder what’s in me to night; I see the white faces all around,” and he walked rapidly on. On the beach several men weft standing talking to each other.— The fire shed a strange, terrible gleam for some distance over the roaring waters, but beyond the sea and sky was darker than ever.— “There she is,” said one of the men to Jasper, pointing to a dark spot on the sea. “Where do you think she’ll strike?” “On the rocks, I expect,” was the rough reply. “Must be in a bad humor to night,” said the man, with a care less laugh ; and then they turned to look at the ship again. It was a steamer, and the practiced eyes of the wreckers soon saw it was badly crippled. The boom of her guns was heard every few minutes. The light of the fire showed her out lines faintly, as she rolled in the heavy sea. “She’ll be on the outer rocks soon,” said Jasper. Sure enough ; scarcely thirty sec onds later there came a crash from the noble steamer, followed by wild cries of despair, “Put out the boats, and let’s see if we can save any of them,” shout ed Jasper. “I’ll go with the next man.” “You’re mighty squamish all of sudden,” sneered one of the men. “I’ll look out for the swag, and let the men take care of themselves.” ‘(And I,” cried the rest, as they separated, each to gather what spoil he could. “Curse the luck ; what’s in me to night ?” growled the wrecker, as lie walked nervously up and down the wet beach. “I never felt this way before, they are on the rocks now, and I could not help them if 1 would,” and then with a sudden fierceness, he shook his fist to ward the sinking ship, and shouted, “drown, ye rats; what are you to the money I must ’arn for my boy?” and he turned and swiftly followed his companions. Dim and dreary the morning broke over Rocky Point ; the heavy mist wrapped the coast in a mantle of dreariness. The sun seemed afraid so come out and look on the tragedy of the night before. Barrels, boxes, kegs, and all man ner of article were washed ashore, and immediately seized by the tire less wreckers. Now and then a dead body was washed ashore and draggod holier upon the saDd, out of the reach of the waves. Jasper worked swiftly and silently among the rest. He did not speak to them, and seemed to avoid them. Once the dead body of a child was wash ed ashore almost at his feet. He shnddered and drew back while he growled : “It’s for my boy. YVhat are they to the money I must ’arn for my boy ?” Jasper, Jasper Wilton come here ! There’s another chap washed ashore down here in the cove ; come and help me git him out” shouted Jim, to the wrecker, as he stopped his work for a moment and sat down on a wet rock. “Will they never stop coming ashore ?” mattered he, as ho walked to where his companion stood. It was a small place where the rocks were a little lower than at other parts of the beach and the water ran in for a few feet. Lying on his face was the corpse of a youth ap parently about seventeen years old. He had nothing on but a pair of pants and a draggled shirt, and bad evidently thrown off the rest of his clothing before committing him self to the water. “ What do you want to do with him ?” asked Jasper, wearily, as he stepped down beside Jim. “ Let’s take him upon the sand first,” replied his companion. “ Yes, I guess that is best,” said Jasper, as he turned him over to see his face. “ I Good God !” and the wrecker flung up his arms as if he had been shot; “ It’s Charley !” “ Get up, Jasper ; don’t be a fool,” cried Jim, with his face as white as a sheet, “ It’s some mistake.” “It ain’t, it ain’t,” moaned the broken hearted man, as he rocked himself to and fro. “Did’nt I see the dead men around me last night, with their white faces and drippin’ arms ? Oh, God, my Charley !” Tenderly the wrecker took his companion by the arm, aud led him from the fatal spot, up to the little cabin where Jasper Wilton had lived, boy and man, for fifty two years. He laid the moaning man who was saying to him 'elf, in a sad and weary way, “ I’ve killed my Charley lor blood money,” on the rough bed, and went to tell the neighbors to carry the body of the boy from the rocks. “ All day, after his return, Jim sat by the side of his old partner. At evening he said, “ I am going away for awhile now, but I’ll come back again soon. Don’t take on so, it wasn’t your fault.” The only answer was a groan, and the words spoken in a low heart broken way, “I’ve killed my Char ley fer blood money.” Two hours later Jim returned. — Ho opened tho cabin door, lit the candle, and then went toward .the bed. The covers were drawn com pletely over the wrecker’s face; Jim drew them down, aud then started back in horror. Jasper Wilton’s throat was cut from ear to ear—he had committed suicide. In his left hand he clutched a bag of some thing heavy. As Jim lifted him the bag fell on the floor, and its con tents were scattered over the room. It was gold. Charley’s arrival was easily ex plained. He had intended to sur prise his lather and had taken an early steamer. It had been lured to its destruction by the fire on the beach, and his tragical death was the result. Our Neighbor’s Good Name.— Anybody could soil the reputation of an individual, however pure and chaste, by uttering a suspicion that his enemies will believe and his friends never hear of. A puff of the idle wind can take a million of the seeds of a thistle and do work of mischief which the husbandman must labor long to undo, the float ing particles being too small to be seen and too fight to be stopped.— Such are the seeds of slander —so easily sown, so difficult to be gath ered up, and yet so pernicious in their fruitage. The slanderer knows that many a wind will catch up the plague and become poisoned by his insinuations without ever seeking the antidote. No reputation call refute a sneer, nor any human skin prevent mischief. ■‘Now, my boy,” said a school director, “if I had a mince pie, and should give two-twelfths of it to John, two-twelfths to Isaac, two twelfths to Harry, and should take half the pie myself, w T hat would there be left? Speak up bud, so that the people can bear.” “The plate !” shouted the boy. A young lady translates the C. O. D on express packages to Call ou Dad- Chicago Items. One of the most dramatic and impressive scenes of the file not yet recorded was the flight through the new La Salle street tunnel, under the river during Sunday night. It was about two o’clock when this strange hegira began, and in ten minutes it became a furious route. The bridges on both sides were on fire, and the flames were writhing over the decks of the brigs in the river, and winding their tierce arms of flame around the masts and through the rigging like a mon strous, luminous devil-fish. The awful canopy of fire drew down and closed over Water street as the shrieking multitude rushed for the tunnel, the only avenue of escape.— The gas works had already blown up, and there was no light in any house save the illumination, which lighted up only to destroy. But in to the darkened cave rushed pell mell, from all directions, the fren zied crowd—bankers, thieves, dray men, wives, children—in every stage of undress, as they had leaped from burning houses, a howling, imploring, cursing, praying, wail ing mob, making their desperate dive under the river. It was dark iu the tunnel as it is in the centre of the earth, perhaps darker. Hun dreds of the fugitives were ladeu with furniture, household goods, utensils, loaves of bread and pieces of meat, and their rush through the almost suffocated tunnel was fears ful in the extreme. They knocked each other down, and the strong trod on the helpless. Nothing was heard at the mouth of the cavernous prison but a muffled howl of rage and anguish. Several came forth with broken limbs and terrible bruises, as they scattered and re sumed their flight under the blazing sky to the northward. —Letter in Nem York Tribune. A fellow standing on a piano de clared that the fire was the friend of the poor man. He wanted every body to help himself to the best liquor he could get, and continued to yell from the piano until some one as drunk as himself flung a bot tle at him and knocked him off it. In this chaos were hundreds of children wailing aud crying for their parents. One little girl in particular I saw whose golden hair was loose down her back and caught fire. She ran sci earning past me and somebody threw a glass of liquor upon her which flared up and covered her with a blue flame. On every yard of tho beach and TTater fell flaming faggots in a dead ly shower. In all directions hair was singed and the upper clothing set on fire. The fugitives backed into the water and iaced the fire at bay, and stood so near together that they could extinguish each oth er. “Put me out!” “Put me out!” was heard on all sides, and women who were unusually exposed, or whose garments were exceptionably inflammable, were repeatedly dip ped into the water by their neigh bors. Boys and girls burrowed iu the sand up to their necks, close to the water, and laved their heads and faces constantly. Babies were frequently dipped to their utter wonder and annoyance.— Chicago Correspondence. I saw a man on Monday night looking intently and seriously at his his block of five story stores on YVater street, then writhing and roaring in the flames. I knew him aud watched him. Ilis gaze was riveted. I pitied nim heartily, for I judged that he was on the verge of despair. At last I ventured to approach and break his reverie.- “Well, Blake, what are you think ing of?” said I. “Ah—h !” said he, with a smile, “I was thinking that the rats must be catching h—l r—Chic. Cor. One of the saddest scenes at Chi cago was that of a woman kneeling in the street with a crucifix held up before her and the skirt of her dress burning while she prayed. While in this attitude a runaway truck dashed her to the ground. Tons of fancy goods were thrown into the streets of Chicago, and many ragamuffins were to be seen wearing white kids and gold sleeve buttons. Blakely, of the Chicago Post, was seen to pick up a brick on Tuesday and spit upon it. On being asked why he did so, he said “to see whether they’re cold enough to build over again.” A deaf and dumb child was ques tioned if she knew why she was born thus. The tears rapidly filled the eyes of the afflicted child, but in a moment she dashed them away, and with a sweet smile playing up on her thoughtful countenance, wrote upon her little slate--“ Even so, Father ; for so it seemed good in Thy sight.” If a civil word or two, will ren der a man happy, he must be wreteked indeed who will not givff them to him. Such a disposition is like lighting another man’s candle by one’s own, which loses none of its brilliancy by what the other gains. —lt was the fashion formerly to make your guests drunk and there was a gentleman staying in a coun try house and they made him very drunk ; then they tarred and feath ered him and put him to bed. In the morning he woke and he wasn’t sobor then. He rose, went to a cheval-glass, and looked at himself, and said :“ A bird, by !” A man vvith a scolding wife says that he has Joss fears of the javvs of death than of the jaws of life. Wasted Hours. One hour a day is three hundred and sixty-five hoars a year, which, reckoning ten hours a day’s work will amount to thirty-six days.— That is to sav, by saving one hour a day, we can save thirty-six full working days in a year’s time.— Again, three hundred and sixty-five hours are equal to seventy-three days, of five hours each, and it has been computed that two hundred such days closely devoted to read ing are sufficient to make an indi vidual of ordinary intelligence thoroughly conversant witli En glish literature. That is to say, by reading ono hour each day we can become, at the end of three years, well read individuals. These strik ing estimates should be forced home particularly on the attention of those who daily wasted an hour or more during the winter mornings, who lie half sleeping, half waking for somebody to strike a light and kindle the fire; who instead of springing from their couches and applying themselves to some kind of labor, indulgently wait upon the movements of domestics. This habit, so tempting and tenacious, once fixed, costs an individual very many of the most precious hours of his life. The above suggestions are worthy of the consideration of those who complain, as a justification for ig norance, that they have no time to read, that there is no time for books. How many wasted moments could such persons count up every night before retiring. Those who spend their evenings at the corner grocery or taverns, who exchange stories by the hour with convivial companions, who tarry long ever dinners, who devote night after night to thea tres aud other places of amusement, which arc neither instructive nor elevating, who sit around the fire, hour after hour, gossiping about their neighbors, magnifying their faults and belittleing their virtues ; who devote the hours of car or boat passage to and from business to small talk, or the reading of the unimportant dissipating details, per sonal controversies, scandals and revelations with which daily papers are too often padded, who prome nade the avenues in fine linen, to see and be seen, who squander the summer days at watering places and other fashionable resorts — should, one and all, count up their misspent hours for one week, if they would realize how large a portion of their lives really goes to waste. Whoever makes a point to im prove every moment of time, is cer tain to achieve success in this world, no matter what his vocation or op portunities. Whoever aims to be come informed, can do so by giving to books the moments which are usually frittered away. Merchant, mechanic, farmer or tradesman, matters not what may be, he can secure enough moments each day to make him familiar with the best authors.— Hearth and Home. Something John Buck Did’nt Find Out. Once at a “commencement ball” given by the members of the senior class of Dartmouth, two of the class made their appearance so intcxica ted that it became necessary for the tioor managers to insist upon their retiring from the room. One of them knew enough to get out and go home. The other, John Buck, after reeling about for some time found himself in the ladies’ dressing room, where he attempted to lie down on a sofa, but fell flat on the floor, where he lay too much dis couraged to get up or care where he was. Soon he rolled under the sofa, and immediately h e was fast asleep. However, he was not destined to rest in peace, for shortly after, he was aw akened by the entrance of two young ladies engaged in earnest conversation, who sat down on the same seat un der which our friend was lying.— After talking a little while on vari ous subjects, one said to the other, “ Did you hear anyone say anything about me?” “ Yes, I heard quite a number say that you were the best dancer in the hall. But did you hear any one say anything about me?” “ Yes, they all said you were the prettiest young lady here to night.” Now John was awakened by this earnest conversation, and began to share the interest felt by the young ladies. Poking bis head out between their feet he thus de livered himself to the horror strick en couple: “ D-d-did you h-h-hear (hie) anybod’s s-say anything ’bout me ?” The shrieks of the affrighted damsels were their only response, as they fled in dismay to the ball room, and John’s question remained unanswered. A little bit of a thing, who had just got back from a party, was asked by her mamma how she had enjoyed herself. “Oh mamma!” she said, “I’m full of happiness; I couldn’t he no happier without I was bigger.” “ Sam, how did you like that knife I sold you last week? ” “So, so. It’s not very sharp, yet you managed to shave me with it.” What is the difference between an entrance to a barn aud a loafer in a printing office ? One is a barn door and the other a darn bore. Josh Billings says; “Courage without discretion is like a ram with horns at both ends—he will have more fight 6 on hand than he can do justice to, Kicked by a Mule. Jake Johnson had a mule. There was nothing very remarkable in the mere fact of being tho possessor of such an animal, but there was some thing peculiar about the mule. He —the animal—could kick higher, bite harder on the slightest provoca tion, act uglier, than any other mule on record. One morning, riding his property to market Jake met Jim Boggs, against whom he had a concealed grudge. He knew Boggs’ weak ness lay in bragging and betting; therefore he saluted himself accord inglj\ “ How are you, Jim ? Fine morning.” “Hearty, squire,” replied Jim. “ fine weather. Nice mule that you have. Will he do to bet on ? ” “ Bet on ? Guess he will that. I tell yes-, Jim Boggs, he’s the best mule iu this country. Paid SSOO for him.” “ Great smash ! ” “Is that so?” ejaculated Jim. “ Solid truth, every word of it. Tell you confidentially, Jim, I’m taking him down for bettiug purpo ses. I bet he can kick a fly off from any man without its hurting ” “ Now, look here, squire, said Jim, I am not a betting character, but I’ll bet you something on that myself.” “ Jim, there’s no use; don’t bet, don’t want to win your money.” “Don’t be alarmed, squire; I’ll take such bets as them every time.” “ Well, if you are determined to bet, I will risk a small stake—say five dollars.” “ All right, squire, you’re my man. But who will he kick the fly off of. There is no one here but you and 1. Yon try it.” “ No, says Johnson; I have to be by the mule’s head to order him.” “Oh yes,” says Jim. “ Then probably I’m the man. Wa’al, I'll do it; but you are to bet against my five if I risk it.” “All right,” quoth the squire. “ Now there is a fly on your shoul der, stand still.” And Johnson ad justed the mule. “ Whist,” Jervy said he. The mule raised his heels with such velocity and force that Boggs rose up in the air like a bird, and alighted on all fours in a muddy ditch batig up against a rail fence. Rising in a towering rage he ex claimed : “ Ya-as, that is smart! I knew your durned mule couldn’t do it. You had that put up. I wouldn't bo kicked like that for fifty dollars. You can just fork over them ere stakes for it any way.” “Not so fast, Jim; Jervy did just what I said he could; that is kick a fly off a man w ithout hurt ing him. You see, the mule is not injured by the operation. Howev er, if you are satisfied, we will try again as often as you wish.” “ The deuce take you,” growled Jim. “I’d rather have a barn fall on me at once, than have that crit ter kick me again. Keep the stakos but don’t sny anything about it.” And Boogs trudged on in bitter, ness of soul, murmuring to himself, “ Sold, by thuuder, and kicked by a mule.” Tell Tour Wifi;. If you are iu trouble or a quan dary tell your wife that is if you have one—about it at once. Ten to one her invention will solve your difficulty sooner than your logic.— The wit of woman has been praised, but her instincts are quicker and keener than her reasons. Counsel with your wife, or your mother, or sister, and be assured light will flash upou your darkness. Women are too commonly adjudged and verdant in all but purely womanish affairs. No philosophical student of the sex thus judges them. Their intuitions, or insight are subtle, and if they cannot see a cat in the meal, there is no cat there. In court selling a man to his wife, we would go further and advise him to keep none of his aftairs secret from her. Many a home has been hap pily saved and many a fortune re trieved by man’s full confidence in his “better half.” Woman is far more a seer and prophet than a man, if she have a fair chance. As a general rule, wives confidence the minutest of their plans and thoughts to their husbands, having no involv ment to screen from them. Why not reciprocate if but for the pleas ure of meeting confidence with con fidence ? We are certain that no man succeeds so well in the world as he who, taking a partner fur life, makes her the partner of all his purposes and hopes. What is wrong of his impulses or judgment she will check and set right with her almost universally right instincts. “Helpmeet” was no insignificant ti tle, as applied to man’s companion. She is a meet-help to him in every darkness, difficulty, and sorrow of life. And what she most craves, and most deserves, is confidence— without which love is never free from shadow. — Charles Kingsley. Truth is immortal; the Sword cannot pierce it, fire cannot con sume it, prisons cannot incarcerate it, famine cannot starve it, “ I will be in the fashion if I die for it! ” said the ambitious belle, whose locks were not of the ruling tint; and dye she did. A traveler reports that he has seen plants in South America with leaves thirty-four feet long. That leaves all other foliage iu the shade. Beer fills many a bottle, and the bottle many a bier. NO. 40 VARIETY. A pleasant time—Fortune. Neck or nothing—a ball dress. St. Crispin’s anniversary; All Soles Day. Universal profession—That of gold-chaser. Any two apples are alike if they are pared. " A bad sign—To s'gn another mans name to a note. ,a Saturn is tho celestial “ Boss ” of the Ping. ~ Dogs ar said to be the best den tists because they insert natural teeth. M aclitel, the Germau tenor, was once a hack driver ; now he’s on the stage. What age is most agreeable to a man j ust started in business ? Pat ron ago. Tho reason why successful vacci nation is always popular, is because it takes. Our first mother was like the night before the battle-the Eve of great offence. It is stated as a fact that the mouth of the Alleghany river is larger than its head. To poultry dealers—is there any difference between lien stealing and cock-robbin ? - Why are birds melancholy in the morm ng ? Because their little bills are all over dew. . man must have a very bad opin ion of himself, not to be willin«» to appear what he really is. Sometimes our friends, during their absence, bring themselves to mind by sending their presents, Facts should be put down in black and white, in another colored ink they might appear ink-red-i Lie. Boston estimates the value of its pulic school property at about *6.- 000,000. * ’ That man is indeed hard np who can not get credit even for good in ten lions. When a poor fellow is about to be burned by the savages, his very existence is at stake. Money is a great .lever in the af fairs of men, so great a lever that some of us can never keep it. The height of Sabbatarianism— Finding a bank-note on the pave ment on a Sunday, and declining to pick it|up. What is the difference between au oyster and a chicken. One is the best right out of the shell, and the other isn’t. Gardeners might not like tp part with their gardens, though they are always ready to fork otef their grounds. A merchant of our acquaintance wonders why he is obliged to go so often after money that is coming to him. A writer on school discipline says: “ Without a liberal use of the rod it is impossible to make a boy smart,” One who heard Butler’s Temper ance speech said, though )ie plight deny the cock-tail he could ntft de ny the cock-eye. An exchange tells us that Mr. Chase experiences a little difficulty in Bpeaking. This is a too few politicians possess. Female pickpockets all wear the convenient Arab shawls. They fold their shawls like the Arabs, and si lently steal away. “ Not a spark of the milk of hu man kindness about* him,” was the way a nervous Sunday school orator mixed his rhetoric. A Chicago paper says, a good deal of our religion is simple starch. That’s the reason it washes out of some folks so easily. Excess of ceremony shows want of breeding; that civility is best which excludes all superfluous for mality. An Indian groom was ninety-one and bride 106. They were married without the consent of their pa rents. A Pennsylvania jury found two men “ not guilty ” in spite of their plea of “ guilty.” The jury could not believe their word. All the fires in ail the cooking stoves in the country are as noth ing compared with the fire now raging in the California eoastrange. Alexis was so young when his father declared emancipation, that there is talk of taking him down to Long Branch for the sake of show* ing him a surf. “ Sponge paj>er ” has been patent ed as anew invention, when sponge paper has been (too) common for years—particularly in the form of forged and “ raised ” checks. The northwestern forest fires have destroyed immense numbers of valuable fur bearers. It would have been better for these fur ani mals if they had been further. Every cat in Paris is to be taxed three francs a year. From which it may be surmised that there will be fewer cats in the houses and more rabbits in the restaurants. A sergeant or a corporal asleep on posi might claim exemption from punishment on the ground that he was a retired officer.