Georgia Historic Newspapers

    KwfttWa*
VOL. V.
THE APPEAL.
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BY SAWTELL &. CHRISTIAN.
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REMOVAIj !
PLANTERS WAREHOUSE !
WE now have the pleasure of Informing
the planters of Randolph and adjacent
counties, that E. McDonald haserecied anew.
large and Commodious Warehouse,' on depot
Stre t. south side of anil near the public square.
.The location being more central and near the
* business part of the city, will enable us tool
fer many more inducements to the planting
public than beretofore—where we will he
pleased to meet with onr numerous old plant
ing trie mis and customers besides many, many
new »nes.
We have ample arrangements for the recep
tion and
Storap of CoM and (foods.
Thankful for past favors, we hope, with in
creased advantages and personal attention, to
Vive .general satisfaction and merit a liberal
patronage. The latest published Commercial
News will at all times he at the service of onr
friends and patrons.
Liberal cash advances made on cotton ami
goods in store.
Consignments Solicited.
Personal attention given to tire sale of
ott n Bagging. Ties, Salt, Ouuno, Thresh
g Machines , Cotton Oins, Wagm 8,
Boogies Harness, &.C., Ac.
Pliin'Bdon supplier*furnished at lowe.t mar
ket. prices.
W on yard, well, rooms, fire places, fur
tr.-i id iearns 1 its free.
W. are looking forward with pleasure to
the-speedv completion of two new Hail Road
thoiou Bit iris to <>nr city, which will doubt
less cause .1 great reduction in freights, there
by enhancing the value of cotton and making
onr mu ket second to none ill the interior.
Planters, look to your lute est and bring
vo 11) volioii to Cuibbert.
e. McDonald & co.
iUgB-4m
ANDREW
Female College,
CUTHSrRT GA.
rpllE exercises of this institution will be
{ n ginned on VVc(lnenlnv, the 20lli ot Sep
tembi r next. Mill cleg* on TlmrgOay hefuru the
1 ist, Bahbnt.li in June.
Tin- sehelnstle year will he divided into
Three Terms, beginning 2>tll September, Ist.
Jaliuuiy eurt let ot April:
REGULAR COURSE:
PER TERM. MR ANNUM.
primary Department !?12 »<l $3(100
Preparatory •* J.'iOII 45 I'll
Collegiate “ 20 UU GO,OO
Diploma Fee, (paid on
gtadd’aUriit) s•>
Incidentals 1 00
iUoard, vVashing, Fuel
and Lights, IS 00
Regular tuition of and -ughterg liv'f g hy the
•ministry—no charge
Each boarding pupil should he nriiislied
with a Bible, Trunk, one pair of sheets, one
{lair of Pillow-cases, one pair Blankets, four
mud-Towels, over shoes and umbrella.
EXTRA COURSE:
TER ANNUM.
Greek andFrench, each S4O 00
Tuition iu Music 00 00
Use of Piano 8 00
Drawing and Pastel 30 00
Instruction in Oi' Pa luting, 40 00
Calisthenics, conducted hy a
lady 0o
iSingmg iu Classes No charge
Extra course pursued at the option ot I’a
ireuts and Guardians. Paymeuts must be made
iin October, January and April.
Each pnpil Bhoul'd be present n‘ the opening
•of the School.
Ttaundersigned having been elected Presi
dent of Andrew Fi male College, au old and
popular Institution, sends fraternal greetings
to the Colleges of the South, makes his bow
to the public, and solicits sympathy and a lib
cral share of patronage.
Summoned to a high and holy work—flint
of preparing the luindsamt hearts of the you g
for the business and pleasures, joys and sor
rows of life—he will call to Ins assistance
the best educators of the countrv, ami address
'himself to the task with all the zeal and in
dustry that lie can command. Should time;
mvboee verdict we woo, demonstrate that lie
cannot preside with dignity and success—
t hat he is incapable of imparling instruction—
that he is is not in the proper place—that A.
F- C. does not return a substantial equivalent
,to its jiatrors-the Pr-gident, wilt abandon
uhe enterprise and refund all damages reli
-giously assessed.
Parents and guardians wishing to educate
girls should not forget our healthful locality,
j-etined society, commodious and well ventila
ted buildings,’ beautiful grounds, magnificent
•irroTe. aud r« asoliable rates.
* JOHN B McGEHEE,
President. A F. C.
Cuthbei t, Ga., Aug. I6th, 1871, ts
VALUABLE LAND
FOR SALE!!
•T offer for sale my Plantation lying on the Be
i nevolencc road, one and a hall miles from
<Cuthbert, containing
405 Acres,
known as Lots Nos. 227 aud 228. There are
130 acres cleared, balance well timbered.—
Comfortable dwellings and necessary out
buildings.
Will be sold at a bargain.
For further particulars apply to or address
sep99 ts W K. WALL.
" SNUFF &^TOBACCO,
BY THE JAR AND BOX
Very Low, at
ALLIStN £ SIMPSON’S,
CUTHBERT «| APPEAL.
last up the Fallen.
Lilt up the fallen—who can tell
llow hard the struggle ere they fell?
And though the way is dark they go,
They would not always have it so.
For there is scarce so vile a heart
That does not have a better part
Which longs at times for bighet bliss,
Or sighs for other than it is.
O, let not then a crushing frown
Fall on the frail ones that are down ;
Since they, perchance, would gladly rise
But for the weight of scornful eyes.
If in their heart hope lingers yet
To dull one arrow of regret.
Dare not so point the dart anew
Thai may some time be aimed at you.
For you no syren may have sung,
Nor yet have been a living tongue ;
So, standing, ponder lest you fall,
And he yourself the scorned of all.
By-And-By.
Thereas a little mischief-making
Elfin who is ever nigh,
Thwartiug every undertaking,
And his name is By-and-by.
What we ought to do this minute
“ Will be better done,” he'll cry,
“ If to-morrow we begin it;
Put it off,” says By-and-by.
Those who heed his treacherous wooing
Will his faithful guidance rue ;
What we always put off doing,
Clearly we shall never do ;
We shall reach what we endeavor
If on Now we more rely ;
But unto the realms of Never
Leads the pilot by-and-by.
Professional Wits.
Nothing wastes the powers of
the mind more than a perpetual ef
fort to say funny things. A few
men like llood have snceeeded in
writing wittily with little intermis
sion. But they have been people
who had a substratum of thorough
ly serious thought and feeling. No
man could feel more tenderly than
the author of “ The Song of the
Shirt” and “The Bridge of Sighs.”
Douglas Jerrold made all the world
laugh, but he was much more than
a wit, and with Sj T dney Smith wit
was only the the effer-escence of
an intellect full of a rare flavor of
thoughtfulness.
But the people who keep their
nose to the ground to catch the first
cold scent of a joke are an abomina
tion. They ruin wit by over effort,
for wit is in one thing like mercy;
its quality is not strained. These
impertinent nuisances who set up
for wits are thecoirsairs of conver
sation, bearing down upon every
sentence well freighted with thought,
and endeavoring to sink it with a
pun or some other explosive torpe
do. If you talk of a funeral, such
a man will make it a fun-eral, and
if you are terrified into complete si
lence he will note your pause and at
tribute it to a pauscity of ideas.—
Any allusion to unhappy marriages
is greeted by a remark about Luci
fer matches, and even honey-moons
are moon shine to him. If you try
to appeal to his moral sense, he will
regale you with a stale pun about
having no cents left, and he will as
sure you that you ought to be sent
to the penny-lentiary for your re
mark. If you mention musicians,
he declares that the bass fellow
sings solo that you cannot hear a
word he says, and that he would
treble his bank-notes if he would
sing ten-or a dozen notes higher.
All connected conversation is de
stroyed, and the wag gets to be a
■hopeless hunter after jokes, good
for no purpose on earth except to
play court fool. Perhaps the most
melancholy illustration of the un
happy effect of tlve perpetual effort
to be funny is seen in the English
comic papers. We defy any aver
age American to read Punch
straight through. Tom Hood’s Fun
is the best, aud such dreary trash
as most of it is!
Wit is noble where it disperses
the gloom of depression, where it
lightens care, and where it does not
weaken the sense of responsibility;
but the young man who gives his
days and nights to gratify an ambi
tion to be considered funny will end
by finding himself considered a fool
and a bore. —Hearth & Home.
The Human Figure.
The proportions of the human
figure are strictly mathematical.—
The whole is six times the length of
the feet. Whether the form be
slender or plump, the rule holds
good; any deviation from it is a
departure from the highest beaut} 7
of proportion. The Greeks made
all their statues according to this
rule. The face, from the highest
point of the forehead where the
hair begins, to the chin, is one-tenth
of the whole stature. The hand
from the wrist to *he middle finger,
is the same. From the top of the
chest to the highest point of the
forehead is a seventh. If the face
from the roots of the hair to the
chin, be divided into three equal
parts, the first division determines
the place where the eyebrow's meet,
and the second the place of the nos
trils. The height from the feet to
the top of the head is the distance
from the extremity of the fingers
when the arms are extended.
An Oswego druggist sprinkled
the bench at his door with acids,
and the loafers who infested the
place found that the ventilating fa
cilities it established in their pan
taloons extended through the adja
cent cpidemis. That seat isn’t <?f
teu occupied now.
CUTHBERT, GEORGIA, FRIDAY, NOVEMBER 10, 1871.
The Wrecker’s Son.
Rocky Point was a dangerous
place at all times, and on this par
ticular night especially so. Its
great, ragged rocks protruded then
heads above the waves, threaten
ing woe to those who might be left
to their mercy, while the white foam
ing water dashed on the beach, and
the wind whistled loudly overhead.
It needed no seaman’s eye to tell
that a storm was brewing. Stand
ing on one of the highest rocks,
two men were looking ont at sea.
Their genera! appeai-ance betoken
them fishermen, but it was evident
ly not their occupation that brought
them out on the rocks in this storm.
“Is the fire ready to build ?” ask
ed One of them, turning to his com
panion.
“Yes, the tvood is under cover
and won’t get wet. Ain’t it pretty
near to light up ?”
“We will do it in a few minutes,”
was the reply.
A silence ensued for a while,
when the man who had been last
to speak spoke again :
“So this is your last wreck, is it
Jasper?”
“Yes, Jim, this is my last wreck,
and I ain’t extra sorry. You see
when my wife died—you knew her,
a delicate, weakly kind of a thing
—she made me promise to take
Charley, our only boy, and have
him edicated. She wasn’t like
me; and if she was fisherman On
slow’s girl, and born on the coast,
she was a delicate woman neverthe
less. Well, sbe wanted our boy to
have a better bringing up than lie’d
get here, so I sent him away to live
and get an edication. And now,
after years, he’s cornin’ back to see
me, and I’m goiu’ to leave Rocky
Point forever. Os course he’d be
ashamed and mad if he knew his
father was the cause of shipwreck
and death, just to get him an edi
cation, and ’aril money for him.—
Bat I’ve been thinkin’ over it for
years, and came to the conclusion
that if I did’nt do it someone else
would, and as it’s payin’, I’ve stuck
at it.”
“That’s so, Jasper,” said Jim; “if
we didn’t draw the ships on the
rocks, someone else would. But
ain’t it time to build the fire now ?”
“Yes, light up. i’ll stay here and
look out.”
The scene scarcely needs an ex
planation. There was but one good
place to land near Rocky Point,
and that was beyond the rocks.—
It had been customary to light a
watchfire on the rocks on wild
nights, to warn away ships from
destruction ; but there were rumors
of strange mistakes on the part of
inhabitants of Pocky Point. The
vvatchfircs were sometimes built at
the wrong place. It was no un
common thing of a stormy night,
to See a fire blazing on the beach
at Point Harbor, while the rocks
were dark as death ; when ships
went ashore on Rocky Point, peo
ple said some hard things about the
amiable fishermau of that place.
“This wreckin’ is bard business,”
he muttered to himseif, “but it
brings hard cash. Ugh —many a
night I’ve woke up and seen white
drownin’ faces and corpses shaking
their drippin’ arms at me. But I’ve
done it ail for my boy, and its near
ly over. How much like bis moth
er that last picture he sent me look
ed ; delicate and weakly, but he
didn’t fight the world for his bread
and butter ; I’ve done that for him
in the storms, night after night.—
If I have put my hands in dead
men’s pockets, it’s been for him.—
Ugh—l thought I saw a white face
just now.”
Boom, over the stormy water
came the solemn sound that an
nounced a ship in distress, and a
moment later the watch-fire on the
beach flared up. “Now for work,”
muttered the man, as he buttoned
his pea jacket around him closely
and turned toward the blaze. Sud
denly he stopped and bent his head
in a listening position. Boom, thun
dered the gun again, and that was
all. “I thought I heard someone
callin’ me,” he said in a hoarse whis
per ; “I wonder what’s in me to
night; I see the white faces all
around,” and he walked rapidly on.
On the beach several men weft
standing talking to each other.—
The fire shed a strange, terrible
gleam for some distance over the
roaring waters, but beyond the sea
and sky was darker than ever.—
“There she is,” said one of the men
to Jasper, pointing to a dark spot
on the sea.
“Where do you think she’ll
strike?”
“On the rocks, I expect,” was the
rough reply.
“Must be in a bad humor to
night,” said the man, with a care
less laugh ; and then they turned
to look at the ship again. It was a
steamer, and the practiced eyes of
the wreckers soon saw it was badly
crippled. The boom of her guns
was heard every few minutes. The
light of the fire showed her out
lines faintly, as she rolled in the
heavy sea.
“She’ll be on the outer rocks
soon,” said Jasper.
Sure enough ; scarcely thirty sec
onds later there came a crash from
the noble steamer, followed by wild
cries of despair,
“Put out the boats, and let’s see
if we can save any of them,” shout
ed Jasper. “I’ll go with the next
man.”
“You’re mighty squamish all of
sudden,” sneered one of the men.
“I’ll look out for the swag, and let
the men take care of themselves.”
‘(And I,” cried the rest, as they
separated, each to gather what spoil
he could.
“Curse the luck ; what’s in me to
night ?” growled the wrecker, as
lie walked nervously up and down
the wet beach. “I never felt this
way before, they are on the rocks
now, and I could not help them if 1
would,” and then with a sudden
fierceness, he shook his fist to
ward the sinking ship, and shouted,
“drown, ye rats; what are you to
the money I must ’arn for my boy?”
and he turned and swiftly followed
his companions.
Dim and dreary the morning
broke over Rocky Point ; the
heavy mist wrapped the coast in a
mantle of dreariness. The sun
seemed afraid so come out and look
on the tragedy of the night before.
Barrels, boxes, kegs, and all man
ner of article were washed ashore,
and immediately seized by the tire
less wreckers. Now and then a
dead body was washed ashore and
draggod holier upon the saDd, out
of the reach of the waves. Jasper
worked swiftly and silently among
the rest. He did not speak to them,
and seemed to avoid them. Once
the dead body of a child was wash
ed ashore almost at his feet. He
shnddered and drew back while he
growled : “It’s for my boy. YVhat
are they to the money I must ’arn
for my boy ?”
Jasper, Jasper Wilton come here !
There’s another chap washed ashore
down here in the cove ; come and
help me git him out” shouted Jim,
to the wrecker, as he stopped his
work for a moment and sat down
on a wet rock.
“Will they never stop coming
ashore ?” mattered he, as ho walked
to where his companion stood. It
was a small place where the rocks
were a little lower than at other
parts of the beach and the water
ran in for a few feet. Lying on his
face was the corpse of a youth ap
parently about seventeen years old.
He had nothing on but a pair of
pants and a draggled shirt, and bad
evidently thrown off the rest of
his clothing before committing him
self to the water.
“ What do you want to do with
him ?” asked Jasper, wearily, as he
stepped down beside Jim.
“ Let’s take him upon the sand
first,” replied his companion.
“ Yes, I guess that is best,” said
Jasper, as he turned him over to
see his face. “ I Good God !” and
the wrecker flung up his arms as if
he had been shot; “ It’s Charley !”
“ Get up, Jasper ; don’t be a fool,”
cried Jim, with his face as white as
a sheet, “ It’s some mistake.”
“It ain’t, it ain’t,” moaned the
broken hearted man, as he rocked
himself to and fro. “Did’nt I see
the dead men around me last night,
with their white faces and drippin’
arms ? Oh, God, my Charley !”
Tenderly the wrecker took his
companion by the arm, aud led him
from the fatal spot, up to the little
cabin where Jasper Wilton had
lived, boy and man, for fifty two
years. He laid the moaning man
who was saying to him 'elf, in a sad
and weary way, “ I’ve killed my
Charley lor blood money,” on the
rough bed, and went to tell the
neighbors to carry the body of the
boy from the rocks.
“ All day, after his return, Jim
sat by the side of his old partner.
At evening he said, “ I am going
away for awhile now, but I’ll come
back again soon. Don’t take on so,
it wasn’t your fault.”
The only answer was a groan, and
the words spoken in a low heart
broken way, “I’ve killed my Char
ley fer blood money.”
Two hours later Jim returned. —
Ho opened tho cabin door, lit the
candle, and then went toward .the
bed. The covers were drawn com
pletely over the wrecker’s face; Jim
drew them down, aud then started
back in horror. Jasper Wilton’s
throat was cut from ear to ear—he
had committed suicide. In his left
hand he clutched a bag of some
thing heavy. As Jim lifted him the
bag fell on the floor, and its con
tents were scattered over the room.
It was gold.
Charley’s arrival was easily ex
plained. He had intended to sur
prise his lather and had taken an
early steamer. It had been lured
to its destruction by the fire on the
beach, and his tragical death was
the result.
Our Neighbor’s Good Name.—
Anybody could soil the reputation
of an individual, however pure and
chaste, by uttering a suspicion that
his enemies will believe and his
friends never hear of. A puff of
the idle wind can take a million of
the seeds of a thistle and do work
of mischief which the husbandman
must labor long to undo, the float
ing particles being too small to be
seen and too fight to be stopped.—
Such are the seeds of slander —so
easily sown, so difficult to be gath
ered up, and yet so pernicious in
their fruitage. The slanderer knows
that many a wind will catch up the
plague and become poisoned by his
insinuations without ever seeking
the antidote. No reputation call
refute a sneer, nor any human skin
prevent mischief.
■‘Now, my boy,” said a school
director, “if I had a mince pie, and
should give two-twelfths of it to
John, two-twelfths to Isaac, two
twelfths to Harry, and should take
half the pie myself, w T hat would
there be left? Speak up bud, so
that the people can bear.” “The
plate !” shouted the boy.
A young lady translates the C.
O. D on express packages to Call
ou Dad-
Chicago Items.
One of the most dramatic and
impressive scenes of the file not yet
recorded was the flight through the
new La Salle street tunnel, under
the river during Sunday night. It
was about two o’clock when this
strange hegira began, and in ten
minutes it became a furious route.
The bridges on both sides were on
fire, and the flames were writhing
over the decks of the brigs in the
river, and winding their tierce arms
of flame around the masts and
through the rigging like a mon
strous, luminous devil-fish. The
awful canopy of fire drew down and
closed over Water street as the
shrieking multitude rushed for the
tunnel, the only avenue of escape.—
The gas works had already blown
up, and there was no light in any
house save the illumination, which
lighted up only to destroy. But in
to the darkened cave rushed pell
mell, from all directions, the fren
zied crowd—bankers, thieves, dray
men, wives, children—in every
stage of undress, as they had leaped
from burning houses, a howling,
imploring, cursing, praying, wail
ing mob, making their desperate
dive under the river. It was dark
iu the tunnel as it is in the centre of
the earth, perhaps darker. Hun
dreds of the fugitives were ladeu
with furniture, household goods,
utensils, loaves of bread and pieces
of meat, and their rush through the
almost suffocated tunnel was fears
ful in the extreme. They knocked
each other down, and the strong
trod on the helpless. Nothing was
heard at the mouth of the cavernous
prison but a muffled howl of rage
and anguish. Several came forth
with broken limbs and terrible
bruises, as they scattered and re
sumed their flight under the blazing
sky to the northward. —Letter in
Nem York Tribune.
A fellow standing on a piano de
clared that the fire was the friend
of the poor man. He wanted every
body to help himself to the best
liquor he could get, and continued
to yell from the piano until some
one as drunk as himself flung a bot
tle at him and knocked him off it. In
this chaos were hundreds of children
wailing aud crying for their parents.
One little girl in particular I saw
whose golden hair was loose down
her back and caught fire. She ran
sci earning past me and somebody
threw a glass of liquor upon her
which flared up and covered her
with a blue flame.
On every yard of tho beach and
TTater fell flaming faggots in a dead
ly shower. In all directions hair
was singed and the upper clothing
set on fire. The fugitives backed
into the water and iaced the fire at
bay, and stood so near together
that they could extinguish each oth
er. “Put me out!” “Put me out!”
was heard on all sides, and women
who were unusually exposed, or
whose garments were exceptionably
inflammable, were repeatedly dip
ped into the water by their neigh
bors. Boys and girls burrowed iu
the sand up to their necks, close to
the water, and laved their heads
and faces constantly. Babies were
frequently dipped to their utter
wonder and annoyance.— Chicago
Correspondence.
I saw a man on Monday night
looking intently and seriously at
his his block of five story stores on
YVater street, then writhing and
roaring in the flames. I knew him
aud watched him. Ilis gaze was
riveted. I pitied nim heartily, for
I judged that he was on the verge
of despair. At last I ventured to
approach and break his reverie.-
“Well, Blake, what are you think
ing of?” said I. “Ah—h !” said
he, with a smile, “I was thinking
that the rats must be catching
h—l r—Chic. Cor.
One of the saddest scenes at Chi
cago was that of a woman kneeling
in the street with a crucifix held up
before her and the skirt of her dress
burning while she prayed. While
in this attitude a runaway truck
dashed her to the ground.
Tons of fancy goods were thrown
into the streets of Chicago, and
many ragamuffins were to be seen
wearing white kids and gold sleeve
buttons.
Blakely, of the Chicago Post, was
seen to pick up a brick on Tuesday
and spit upon it. On being asked
why he did so, he said “to see
whether they’re cold enough to build
over again.”
A deaf and dumb child was ques
tioned if she knew why she was
born thus. The tears rapidly filled
the eyes of the afflicted child, but
in a moment she dashed them away,
and with a sweet smile playing up
on her thoughtful countenance,
wrote upon her little slate--“ Even
so, Father ; for so it seemed good
in Thy sight.”
If a civil word or two, will ren
der a man happy, he must be
wreteked indeed who will not givff
them to him. Such a disposition is
like lighting another man’s candle
by one’s own, which loses none of
its brilliancy by what the other
gains.
—lt was the fashion formerly to
make your guests drunk and there
was a gentleman staying in a coun
try house and they made him very
drunk ; then they tarred and feath
ered him and put him to bed. In
the morning he woke and he wasn’t
sobor then. He rose, went to a
cheval-glass, and looked at himself,
and said :“ A bird, by !”
A man vvith a scolding wife says
that he has Joss fears of the javvs of
death than of the jaws of life.
Wasted Hours.
One hour a day is three hundred
and sixty-five hoars a year, which,
reckoning ten hours a day’s work
will amount to thirty-six days.—
That is to sav, by saving one hour
a day, we can save thirty-six full
working days in a year’s time.—
Again, three hundred and sixty-five
hours are equal to seventy-three
days, of five hours each, and it has
been computed that two hundred
such days closely devoted to read
ing are sufficient to make an indi
vidual of ordinary intelligence
thoroughly conversant witli En
glish literature. That is to say, by
reading ono hour each day we can
become, at the end of three years,
well read individuals. These strik
ing estimates should be forced home
particularly on the attention of
those who daily wasted an hour or
more during the winter mornings,
who lie half sleeping, half waking
for somebody to strike a light and
kindle the fire; who instead of
springing from their couches and
applying themselves to some kind
of labor, indulgently wait upon the
movements of domestics. This
habit, so tempting and tenacious,
once fixed, costs an individual very
many of the most precious hours of
his life.
The above suggestions are worthy
of the consideration of those who
complain, as a justification for ig
norance, that they have no time to
read, that there is no time for books.
How many wasted moments could
such persons count up every night
before retiring. Those who spend
their evenings at the corner grocery
or taverns, who exchange stories by
the hour with convivial companions,
who tarry long ever dinners, who
devote night after night to thea
tres aud other places of amusement,
which arc neither instructive nor
elevating, who sit around the fire,
hour after hour, gossiping about
their neighbors, magnifying their
faults and belittleing their virtues ;
who devote the hours of car or
boat passage to and from business
to small talk, or the reading of the
unimportant dissipating details, per
sonal controversies, scandals and
revelations with which daily papers
are too often padded, who prome
nade the avenues in fine linen, to
see and be seen, who squander the
summer days at watering places
and other fashionable resorts —
should, one and all, count up their
misspent hours for one week, if
they would realize how large a
portion of their lives really goes to
waste.
Whoever makes a point to im
prove every moment of time, is cer
tain to achieve success in this world,
no matter what his vocation or op
portunities. Whoever aims to be
come informed, can do so by giving
to books the moments which are
usually frittered away. Merchant,
mechanic, farmer or tradesman,
matters not what may be,
he can secure enough moments each
day to make him familiar with the
best authors.— Hearth and Home.
Something John Buck
Did’nt Find Out.
Once at a “commencement ball”
given by the members of the senior
class of Dartmouth, two of the class
made their appearance so intcxica
ted that it became necessary for the
tioor managers to insist upon their
retiring from the room. One of
them knew enough to get out and
go home. The other, John Buck,
after reeling about for some time
found himself in the ladies’ dressing
room, where he attempted to lie
down on a sofa, but fell flat on the
floor, where he lay too much dis
couraged to get up or care where
he was. Soon he rolled under
the sofa, and immediately h e
was fast asleep. However, he
was not destined to rest in peace,
for shortly after, he was aw akened
by the entrance of two young ladies
engaged in earnest conversation,
who sat down on the same seat un
der which our friend was lying.—
After talking a little while on vari
ous subjects, one said to the other,
“ Did you hear anyone say anything
about me?” “ Yes, I heard quite a
number say that you were the best
dancer in the hall. But did you
hear any one say anything about
me?” “ Yes, they all said you were
the prettiest young lady here to
night.” Now John was awakened
by this earnest conversation, and
began to share the interest felt by
the young ladies. Poking bis head
out between their feet he thus de
livered himself to the horror strick
en couple: “ D-d-did you h-h-hear
(hie) anybod’s s-say anything ’bout
me ?” The shrieks of the affrighted
damsels were their only response,
as they fled in dismay to the ball
room, and John’s question remained
unanswered.
A little bit of a thing, who had
just got back from a party, was
asked by her mamma how she had
enjoyed herself. “Oh mamma!”
she said, “I’m full of happiness; I
couldn’t he no happier without I
was bigger.”
“ Sam, how did you like that
knife I sold you last week? ” “So,
so. It’s not very sharp, yet you
managed to shave me with it.”
What is the difference between
an entrance to a barn aud a loafer in
a printing office ? One is a barn
door and the other a darn bore.
Josh Billings says; “Courage
without discretion is like a ram
with horns at both ends—he will
have more fight 6 on hand than he
can do justice to,
Kicked by a Mule.
Jake Johnson had a mule. There
was nothing very remarkable in the
mere fact of being tho possessor of
such an animal, but there was some
thing peculiar about the mule. He
—the animal—could kick higher,
bite harder on the slightest provoca
tion, act uglier, than any other mule
on record.
One morning, riding his property
to market Jake met Jim Boggs,
against whom he had a concealed
grudge. He knew Boggs’ weak
ness lay in bragging and betting;
therefore he saluted himself accord
inglj\
“ How are you, Jim ? Fine
morning.”
“Hearty, squire,” replied Jim.
“ fine weather. Nice mule that you
have. Will he do to bet on ? ”
“ Bet on ? Guess he will that. I
tell yes-, Jim Boggs, he’s the best
mule iu this country. Paid SSOO
for him.”
“ Great smash ! ” “Is that so?”
ejaculated Jim.
“ Solid truth, every word of it.
Tell you confidentially, Jim, I’m
taking him down for bettiug purpo
ses. I bet he can kick a fly off
from any man without its hurting ”
“ Now, look here, squire, said
Jim, I am not a betting character,
but I’ll bet you something on that
myself.”
“ Jim, there’s no use; don’t bet,
don’t want to win your money.”
“Don’t be alarmed, squire; I’ll
take such bets as them every time.”
“ Well, if you are determined to
bet, I will risk a small stake—say
five dollars.”
“ All right, squire, you’re my
man. But who will he kick the fly
off of. There is no one here but
you and 1. Yon try it.”
“ No, says Johnson; I have to
be by the mule’s head to order him.”
“Oh yes,” says Jim. “ Then
probably I’m the man. Wa’al, I'll
do it; but you are to bet against
my five if I risk it.”
“All right,” quoth the squire.
“ Now there is a fly on your shoul
der, stand still.” And Johnson ad
justed the mule.
“ Whist,” Jervy said he.
The mule raised his heels with
such velocity and force that Boggs
rose up in the air like a bird, and
alighted on all fours in a muddy
ditch batig up against a rail fence.
Rising in a towering rage he ex
claimed :
“ Ya-as, that is smart! I knew
your durned mule couldn’t do it.
You had that put up. I wouldn't
bo kicked like that for fifty dollars.
You can just fork over them ere
stakes for it any way.”
“Not so fast, Jim; Jervy did
just what I said he could; that is
kick a fly off a man w ithout hurt
ing him. You see, the mule is not
injured by the operation. Howev
er, if you are satisfied, we will try
again as often as you wish.”
“ The deuce take you,” growled
Jim. “I’d rather have a barn fall
on me at once, than have that crit
ter kick me again. Keep the stakos
but don’t sny anything about it.”
And Boogs trudged on in bitter,
ness of soul, murmuring to himself,
“ Sold, by thuuder, and kicked by
a mule.”
Tell Tour Wifi;.
If you are iu trouble or a quan
dary tell your wife that is if you
have one—about it at once. Ten
to one her invention will solve your
difficulty sooner than your logic.—
The wit of woman has been praised,
but her instincts are quicker and
keener than her reasons. Counsel
with your wife, or your mother, or
sister, and be assured light will
flash upou your darkness. Women
are too commonly adjudged and
verdant in all but purely womanish
affairs. No philosophical student
of the sex thus judges them. Their
intuitions, or insight are subtle, and
if they cannot see a cat in the
meal, there is no cat there. In
court selling a man to his wife, we
would go further and advise him to
keep none of his aftairs secret from
her. Many a home has been hap
pily saved and many a fortune re
trieved by man’s full confidence in
his “better half.” Woman is far
more a seer and prophet than a
man, if she have a fair chance. As
a general rule, wives confidence the
minutest of their plans and thoughts
to their husbands, having no involv
ment to screen from them. Why
not reciprocate if but for the pleas
ure of meeting confidence with con
fidence ? We are certain that no
man succeeds so well in the world
as he who, taking a partner fur life,
makes her the partner of all his
purposes and hopes. What is
wrong of his impulses or judgment
she will check and set right with
her almost universally right instincts.
“Helpmeet” was no insignificant ti
tle, as applied to man’s companion.
She is a meet-help to him in every
darkness, difficulty, and sorrow of
life. And what she most craves,
and most deserves, is confidence—
without which love is never free
from shadow. — Charles Kingsley.
Truth is immortal; the Sword
cannot pierce it, fire cannot con
sume it, prisons cannot incarcerate
it, famine cannot starve it,
“ I will be in the fashion if I die
for it! ” said the ambitious belle,
whose locks were not of the ruling
tint; and dye she did.
A traveler reports that he has
seen plants in South America with
leaves thirty-four feet long. That
leaves all other foliage iu the shade.
Beer fills many a bottle, and the
bottle many a bier.
NO. 40
VARIETY.
A pleasant time—Fortune.
Neck or nothing—a ball dress.
St. Crispin’s anniversary; All
Soles Day.
Universal profession—That of
gold-chaser.
Any two apples are alike if they
are pared. "
A bad sign—To s'gn another
mans name to a note. ,a
Saturn is tho celestial “ Boss ” of
the Ping. ~
Dogs ar said to be the best den
tists because they insert natural
teeth.
M aclitel, the Germau tenor, was
once a hack driver ; now he’s on
the stage.
What age is most agreeable to a
man j ust started in business ? Pat
ron ago.
Tho reason why successful vacci
nation is always popular, is because
it takes.
Our first mother was like the
night before the battle-the Eve of
great offence.
It is stated as a fact that the
mouth of the Alleghany river is
larger than its head.
To poultry dealers—is there any
difference between lien stealing and
cock-robbin ? -
Why are birds melancholy in the
morm ng ? Because their little bills
are all over dew.
. man must have a very bad opin
ion of himself, not to be willin«» to
appear what he really is.
Sometimes our friends, during
their absence, bring themselves to
mind by sending their presents,
Facts should be put down in black
and white, in another colored ink
they might appear ink-red-i Lie.
Boston estimates the value of its
pulic school property at about *6.-
000,000. * ’
That man is indeed hard np who
can not get credit even for good in
ten lions.
When a poor fellow is about to
be burned by the savages, his very
existence is at stake.
Money is a great .lever in the af
fairs of men, so great a lever that
some of us can never keep it.
The height of Sabbatarianism—
Finding a bank-note on the pave
ment on a Sunday, and declining to
pick it|up.
What is the difference between
au oyster and a chicken. One is
the best right out of the shell, and
the other isn’t.
Gardeners might not like tp part
with their gardens, though they are
always ready to fork otef their
grounds.
A merchant of our acquaintance
wonders why he is obliged to go so
often after money that is coming to
him.
A writer on school discipline says:
“ Without a liberal use of the rod
it is impossible to make a boy
smart,”
One who heard Butler’s Temper
ance speech said, though )ie plight
deny the cock-tail he could ntft de
ny the cock-eye.
An exchange tells us that Mr.
Chase experiences a little difficulty
in Bpeaking. This is a
too few politicians possess.
Female pickpockets all wear the
convenient Arab shawls. They fold
their shawls like the Arabs, and si
lently steal away.
“ Not a spark of the milk of hu
man kindness about* him,” was the
way a nervous Sunday school orator
mixed his rhetoric.
A Chicago paper says, a good
deal of our religion is simple starch.
That’s the reason it washes out of
some folks so easily.
Excess of ceremony shows want
of breeding; that civility is best
which excludes all superfluous for
mality.
An Indian groom was ninety-one
and bride 106. They were married
without the consent of their pa
rents.
A Pennsylvania jury found two
men “ not guilty ” in spite of their
plea of “ guilty.” The jury could
not believe their word.
All the fires in ail the cooking
stoves in the country are as noth
ing compared with the fire now
raging in the California eoastrange.
Alexis was so young when his
father declared emancipation, that
there is talk of taking him down to
Long Branch for the sake of show*
ing him a surf.
“ Sponge paj>er ” has been patent
ed as anew invention, when sponge
paper has been (too) common for
years—particularly in the form of
forged and “ raised ” checks.
The northwestern forest fires
have destroyed immense numbers
of valuable fur bearers. It would
have been better for these fur ani
mals if they had been further.
Every cat in Paris is to be taxed
three francs a year. From which
it may be surmised that there will
be fewer cats in the houses and
more rabbits in the restaurants.
A sergeant or a corporal asleep
on posi might claim exemption
from punishment on the ground
that he was a retired officer.