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CEDAKTOWN, GA., APRIL 17, 1879.
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Thou has passed from life, aud thou knoweat
it not ;
The light is quenched in tliiue eyes, I wot,
The rose-red mouth, it was wan aud sere,
Aud thou art dead, my poor, dead dear.
One summer night, myself I saw
Thee laid in earth with a shuddering awe ;
The nightingales fluted low dirge-like lays,
Aud the stars came out on thy bier to gaze.
As the morning train through the wood defiles
Their litany peals up the branching aisles ;
The pine trees, m funeral mantles dressed.
Moan prayers for the soul that is gone to rest.
And as by the mountain-tarn we wound,
The elves were dancing a fairy' round,
They stopped, and they seemed, though start
With looks of pity to gaze at us.
And when we came to thy lone earth bed.
The moon came down from the heaven o’er-
She spoke of the lost one. A sob, a etound !
And the bells in the far-away distance sound.
In the summer and autumn of 1808 1
was the operator in charge of the Overland
Telegraph Company’s office at, Plum Creek
Station, Neb., aliout fifty miles west of
Before I took charge at Plum Creek a
company of soldiers had been stationed there
to keep the unfriendly Indians in subjection
and to subdue any outbreak on the part of
those who pretended to be,on good terms
with the Government. But atfairs on the
plains being quiet, the presence of the troops
was considered , no longer necessary, and
they were ordered into Omaha.
Every one else out there being so confident j
that no danger threatened them, I went to
work without any apprehension myself of
coming troubles. The company furnished
me with a good horse, two navy revolvers,
and a carbine, and my quarters were in an
adobe building, called in the parlance of the
plains a “dobey.” The walls were built of
sod, and the roof was built of strong cotton
wood logs in the place of rafters, and covered
with the same material that the walls were
composed of. In the summer time grass
and flowers grew up on the sides and top of
the “dobey," and made it a very pleasant
place of abode.
My communication with the people of the
world was rather limited, the only persons
1 ever saw being travelers in the overland
stage, movers in ox-wagons bound for the
Pacific slope, and an occasional visit from
a ranchman of the plains.
For a while the novelty of being almost
entirely alone and free from the restraints
that civilized life imposes upon us was very
pleasant, but when 1 became accustomed to
this, the silence of the desert during the
daytime was almost overpowering, and
there were times when I almost sighed for
a sight of even a hostile Indian. The ship
wrecked sailor who is cast away in mid
ocean alone in a boat, finds some escape
from the lonesome stillness in the soft splash
ing of the waves, but a man alone on the
plains has not even that much noise to
break the dread monotony. There were no
birds there to charm the ear and lend an air
of life t<* the scene, except now and then the
screech of the desert hawk could be heard,
the notes of which were unmusical and far
apart. Sitting in my little office some days
everything was so hushed and still I could
almost imagine that everybody else in the
world was dead, and that I had been left
behind as a sentinel guarding their tombs.
1 often found myself wondering what the
feelings of a man would he if he knew there
was not a living being in the world beside
himself, and he was destined to live through
all ages to come surrounded by an everlast
ing silence. At night the scene from my
office window was weird and ghost-like,
but the ravenous coyotes broke the stillness
that reigned throughout the day by snap
ping and snarling at each other until the
For the sake of passing the time, I got to
firing at the creatures with my carbine and
revolvers, and it was astonishing to note
how quick they would devour one when he
fell, pierced by a bullet. Some nights l
would kill four or five, and in the morning
when I went out to see what remained of
their carcases, not a hone would be found
left behind. In time 1 discovered that they
would tear the flesh from the bones and
then carry them to their lairs to pick during
the day. 1 killed buffalos, antelopes and
jack-rabbits until I wearied of even that
kind of sport, and so glad was I to see any
human, the ugliest and most ignorant man
on tire globe would have been an honored
and welcome guest. After remaining a
month in that vast solitude, 1 resolved to
throw up my position—although it was a
lucrative one—and go where 1 could have
the company of at least one human being,
but an incident occurred just at that time
which caused me to alter my determination.
Sitting one day in the door of my “dobey’"
peeling some potatoes for dinner, Iwas
startled by the appearance of a sliatlow but
a little distance from me. Glancing up
suddenly, “Lo! the poor Indian” was
standing a few feet from the door with
lordly mien and an air which 1 thought de
noted an intention to possess himself of my
scalp. Not desiring, however, to part with
it, I sprang from my seat and had him
covered with my carbine before he had
time to “get the drop"* on me.
“Pale face no shoot. Heap good friend,"
said he. “.Me good Injun, and do heap
work for pale faces. Cooky and wash
good. Pawnee brave—ugh!” ,
At first I was under the impression that
There was more than one present, bnt when j
1 discovered my mistake I put down ray ;
carbine and felt no further alarm.
He told me he had been captured by the j
Sioux from the Pawnee tribe, but had es- j
raped from his captors, and if 1 would let j
him stay he would work for me, and be |
“heap i)ig clever Injun.”
1 hailed ltis coming with delight: in the ;
first place because I wanted some kind of a ;
companion, and in the second because 1 was
fond of studying the Indian character, and j
here was a splendid opportunity of gratify
ing the whim. I made him wash himself
thoroughly, and put on a suit of my clothes,
and found when lie was decently rigged
out, sans war-paint, feathers, and other
gewgaws, that he was a tolerably fair speci
men of the genus homo.
He had a long Indian name I could not
spell or pronounce, so 1 proposed to him to
change it to “Joe.” This suited him j
greatly, and all during the day, while he
was washing the pots and doing the “house
work” generally, I could hear him saying
“Pale-faced chief call me Joe, Joe, Joe. I
Pale-face heap clever and good to Joe. Joe
will tell Pawnee chief about pale-faced |
chief, and make him give pale-faced chief j
I mistrusted him at first, fearing that lie !
would run off with my horse and firearms, ‘
hut in time I learned to trust him implicitly
and became very fond of him. The sequel
to my story will prove how worthy he was
of my confidence.
Ah! what a royal time we had together,
chasing the antelope and buffalo. My in
terest revived in this sport, after the pro
tracted silence was broken, and some days
we would wander m&ny miles out on the
plains. Joe was fleet of foot, and could
walk all day long without the least sign of
fatigue. Occasionally I would take him up
behind me, but he generally insisted upon
walking, and I let him have his way. He
was particularly solicitous about my com
fort and convenience, and every day I was
delighted with the development of new
phases in his character. He had a noble
mind, and was as sympathetic and soft
hearted as a child. He had, t«x>, an air of
chivalry and courtesy about him, which
was peculiarly engaging, and needed noth
ing hut the opportunity to make himself a
real courtier. 1 tried to induce him to eat
with me, but he could not he prevailed
upon to do so, always standing by me with
a deferential air, and anticipating all my
wants. I was greatly astonished at his
general decorum, and often wondered where
he acquired his gentle and often dignified
manners, never having noticed such char
acteristics in any other Indian. All the
reward he asked for his fiuthful services
was kind treatment, and assurances from
me that I appreciated him.
He came one day where I was cleaning
my pistols, the perfect personification of
commiseration and grief. I observed that
he was deeply disturbed, but waited for
him to speak. Y
Finallyjie said, “Pawnees soon get on
war path big. Mixing their paint now.
Pale-faced chief have to leave ’fore long, or
Pawnees take scalp of pale-faced chief.
Joe can’t save pale-faced chief if he stay,
but will tell him when to leave.”
After this I frequently heard him mutter
ing to himself. I heard him say one morn
“Pawnees heap kill pale-faces when get
war-paint on. Shan't kill pale-faced chief,
for Joe will save him. Joe will never see
pale-faced chief after he runs away from
Pawnee braves. Poor Joe! Poor Joe!”
Then he would weep bitterly, seeming to
suffer the most poignant sorrow.
A week or ten days after this warning he
came to me and said:
“Pale-faced chief must close his wigwam
and go where the pale-faces are thick as
the leaves on the trees” (meaning Fort
Kearney, where a large number of soldiers
were stationed j.
“The Pawnee braves have got on war
paint and their plumes, and many ranchmen
and stagemen be sent to the happy hunting-
grounds. Pale-faced chief has been Joe’s
brother. When he goes away Joe will go
too, for Joe has told the Great Spirit he will
never take any more scalps from the pale-
faced chief’s brothers. Pale-faced chief
must go away.”
I had made up my mind to go when Joe
gave the final warning, for it never entered
in}' head to doubt his word about the
threatened outbreak of the Pawnees.
I asked for a relief, and a young man
about twenty years of age was sent down the
road to take my place. I was called a
coward for desiring to leave, but I felt as
strongly as I ever felt anything in my life
that i was fleeing from a place where cer
tain death awaited me if 1 remained. I
made preparations to leave that night on
the same stage that brought my relief.
A short time before dark Joe bundled up
his blankets and the little mementoes I had
given him. I had a beautiful little ivory-
framed looking-glass, and, knowing how
longingly he had looked upon it. all the
time he had been with me, I gave it to him,
together with a photograph of myself. A
miser never gazed upon his hoarded piles
of gold more lovingly than Joe did upon j
these simple gifts. With tears streaming !
down his cheeks he sa:_ ^.ood-by, and struck j
out across the sterile plains, bearing a bur-1
den of grief. I watched his receding form <
disappear in the gathering gloom, and won- ‘
dered if, during the lonely Indian’s sojourn !
with me, I had succeeded in instilling into
his mind any new ideas bearing upon human J
Ah, tin* savage has a soul as well sis the !
saint, and Joe, as he wandered on and
thought of what his “white brother” had
told him during the time they had occupied
together that little isolated “dobey"’ on
the plains, doubtless felt his humble heart
thrill with emotions he had never before ex
perienced. I boarded the Eastern stage
that night, feeling confident that the next
few days would be big with fate.
1 warned the ranchmen and stage station-
keepers as we passed along of their impend
ing danger, but my warnings were treated
as the nervous apprehensions of a man “not
from the State." On the third night after
my departure from Plum Creek I arrived at
Omaha at a late hour. The next morning
I awoke, got lip and hoisted the window in
my room at the Herndon House and looked
out on the street.
I heard a newslwiy cry out, “Here's your
morning papers. All about the Indian
massacre !*' Procuring a paper, I turned to
the telegraphic columns, and this is what I
“Terrible Indian Massacre—The Red
Devils Again on the War-path—Ranchmen,
Stage Station-keepers, and Telegraph Oper
ators Ruthlessly Butchered—The Operator
at Plum Creek, After Being Brutally
Scalped, Has a Wooden Stake Driven Down
Was it Providence that saved me from a
terrible tragic death, and led the other man
into its very jaws ?”
I cannot answer this question, but I can
say that Indian Joe has t?ver since been
a grand hero in my sight, and nothing would
gratify me more than to meet him again.
A woman gets on the train and says a
very warm-hearted good-bye to a great cub
of a sixteen-year-old boy, who sets down
her bundles and turns to leave the car with
a gruff grunt that may mean good-bye or
anything else. There is a little quiver on
her lip as she calls after him :
“Be a good boy: write to me often, and
do as I tell you.”
He never looks around as he leaves the
car. He looks just like the kind of a boy
who will do just as she tells him, but she
must be careful to tell him to do just as he
wants to. I have one bright spark of con
solation as the train moves on and I see
that boy performing a clumsy satire on a
a clog dance on the platform. Some of
these days lie will treat some man as gruffly
and rudely as he treats his mother. Then
the man will climb on to him and lick him
—pound the very sawdust out of him.
Then the world will feel better and happier
for the licking he gets. It may be long de
ferred, but it will come at hist. I almost
wish I had pounded him myself, while he
is young and I felt able to do it. 11c may
grow up into a very discouragingly rugged
man, extremely difficult to lick, and the
world may have to wait a very long time
for this act of justice. It frequently hap
pens that these bad boys grow up into dis
tressingly bad men.
There are those to whom a sense of
religion has come in storm and tempest;
there are those whom it has summoned
amid scenes of revelry and idle vanity;
there are those, too, who have heard its
“still, small voice” amid rural leisure
and placid contentment, But perhaps
tne knowledge which causeth notto.err
is more frequently impressed upon the
mind during seasons of affliction; and
tears are the softened showers which
cause the seed of heaven to spring and
take root in the human breast.
Recuperative power, the will and the
energy to encounter and overcome dif
ficulties, is the leading characteristic of
Americans as a people. When sudden
disasters come upon them, instead of
yielding to depression, they set vigor
ously to work and the time usually
given to lamentation is devoted to the
repair of damages and the rebuilding ot
a better structure upon either physical
or financial ruins. Thus have we seen
a new Chicago rear its head amid the
ashes ot a wiue-spread and desolating
conflagration. The fire swept away tho
wooden edifices and they were replaced
by marble. We have seen, too, in this
generation, the greatest civil war of
modern times raging over ever section
of the country. Vo sooner, However,
had the clash of arms ceased than the
work of reconst: action was recom
menced and wise measures adopted to
coment again that Union framed by our
fathers that it might be bequeathed
“one and inseparable” to our pros
But it is not necessary that we should
go so far afield for evidences of the
elasticity of the American character.
On the 9th of November last a fire broke
out in that pioneer and most popular
of watering-places, Cape May City,
which, in a few short hours, swept
away all the large hotels, with a single
exception, together with the humbler
but handsome cottages inhabited dur
ing the summer months by private
families. Everywhere the eye turned
was one scene of devastition and deso
lation. To all intents and purposes
Cape May City was utterly destroyed.
Under such circumstances what was
the action taken by those most deeply
interested? Did they idly fold their
arms and relinquishing all hopes aban
don themselves to despair? This was
not the true American spirit. On the
contrary, while the embers were still
smouldering, they took a calm survey
of the entire field. The New Jersey
railroad company (operated by the
Pennsylivania railroad company) which
ha* already done so much in the way
of speedy aud safe transportation for
that city bv the sea, came nobly to the
front and offered to deliver building
materials either at reduced rates or free
of cost Temporary tracks were built
to facilitate the-moving of heavy
freights. The City Councils agreed to
exempt the larger hotels, w1k»u rebuilt?
from taxation lor the term oi five years.
An impulse was thus given to the work
of reconstruction and the following
improvements having been commenced
will be completed in time for tne present
The new Congress Hall, a brick struc
ture ol 200 rooms, about half the capa
city of the former building. It is four
stories high, the upper being ina.iisard
roof. It extends 100 feet east and west,
and 200 feet north and south, located
fifty feet farther on the lawn, and the
west wing being much nearer the sea
than formerly, the end beipg opposite
the West End House on Congress
street, but only extending half acioss
the lawn. Washington street is to be
cut through from Perry to Congress,
and the office, main entrance, etc., is
on Washington street. The kitchens,
etc., are one story and placed on Perry
street, half-way between the former
hotel office and the sea.
Mr. Geo. Fryer’s cottage, foot of
Perry street, is up and the third story
joist crossed. It is being weather-
boarded. The Avenue House of Mrs.
Michael Biern, in front of Fryer’s, is
having the basement dug, and will go
up at once, to be done by May 15. Mr.
Doughty is still to conduct it. King’s
cottage, foot of Jackson street, is partly
raised and joist laid. He is excavating
cellars on Decatur street, where the cot
tages were burned there. Victor Denizot
is raising his house at the foot of Deca-
ur street. It is much larger than the
cottage. Mr. A. McConnell’s cottage,
half burned, is nearly rebuilt, and Mr.
Rudolph’s, which was but slightly dam
aged, is entirely finished. Mr. Mc
Connell will rebuild the house adjoining
his, which was wholly consumed.
Mr. Jere E. Mecray is raising his cot
tage on Jackson street, alongside of the
Centre House site, lie will not rebuild
the Centre. The Stockton bath house
site is graded ready for the structures.
They and Mr. King’s are to be two
stories high—a noveltv here. On How
ard street, Mr. Robb's cottage is up,
enclosed and under roof. The Chal-
fonte addition ol 110 feet is drawing to
completion. The Whitney cottage,
foot of Congress street, is to be con
verted into a roomy hotel for 200 people.
The Stockton House is to have an ad-
diton, but ground is not broken for
either it or Whitney’s yet.
It is said the West Jersey railroad
will run its rails to Sea Grove and the
steamboat landing this summer. The
cross-ties are lying at the creek bridge
on Broadway, and stakes are driver,
across tlie Mark Devine property and
marsh for half a mile. The stake struck
the creek half a mile west of the Excur
sion House, and rumor says it follows
the beach after leaving Mark Devine’s
land. The U. S. authorities will not
allow the locomotive to cross near the
light-house tower, as the jar will injure
the structure. Mr. Nash, of Philadel
phia, formerly of the Arctic House here,
has the Excursion House this summer.
Mr. Brolasky’s summer cottage here
has the columns supporting the veran
dahs of both stories, made from the
rough trunks of cedars as they grew in
the woods, barked, but with the knots
prominent where the branches were
hewn off. The brackets are formed
tfrom he natural branch leit on the
Dr.Emlen Phy sick’s superb residence,
near Schellengers Landing, awaits a
change in the weather to enable the
plasterers to proceed with their work.
Capt. W. H. Mills is about to rebuild
Iiis house, burned January 4th, on
The Columbia House will very pro
bably go up again on the lawn close to
the sea, strong talk to that effect now
pervading the air.
Thus almost before the roar of the
flames has ceased there will rise again '
on the shores of the Atlantic a renewed, j
regenerated, though not a more salu
brious or popular Cape May.
Essay on Women.
“After the American Fasliio
A young student at a ball at Pestli, Hun
gary, resented the attentions one of his
fellow guests paid to a young lady whom
he chose to esteem his particular sweetheart, j he did.
aud took advantage of the first opportunity
that offered to tread on his rival's toes.
Next day the latter called on him.
“You have insulted me grossly," he said,
“and I demand satisfaction. Being the
insulted party 1 have the right to choose the
means of righting myself. I suggest a
duel after the American fashion.”
“What the deuce is that ?” demanded tin*
“Simply to put a white and black beah
in a hat and draw without looking.'’ V
“And then ?”
After man came woman.
And she has been after him ever
She is a person of noble extraction,
being made of a man’s rib.
I don’t know why Adam wanted to
fool away his ribs in that wav, but I
suppose be was not accountable for all
It costs more to keep a woman than
three dogs and a shot gun.
But she pays you back with interes
—by giving you a house full of children
to keep you awake at night3 and smear
molasses candy all over your Sunday
Besides, wife is a a very conveni
ent article to have about the house.
She is liandy to swear at whenever
you cut yourself with a razor, and
“Well, then, the one who draws the black
bean is bound in honor to blow his brains
out within ten days.”
The student lost. Nine days later he
burst into the room of a friend in great agi
d > * ‘Yel like blaming yourself.
Women is the superior being in Mas-
There are about sixty thousand more
; of her sex than males in that State.
This accounts for the terrified hunted
; down expression of the single men
vliile he drew
it li melodra-
“For the love of heaven lend me fiv
florins, old boy!” he exclaimed.
“Five florins!” was the response: “whyj who emigrate from the East.
I haven’t got the ghost of a brass penny.*’ j Woman was not created perfect.
“Then,” cried the duellist after the She has her faults—such as false
American fashion, “I am a doomed man !’* ^ hair, false complexion, and so on.
Doomed. How . But she is a great deal better than
her neighbor, and she knows it-
Eve was a woman.
She must have been a model wife,
too; for it cost Adam nothing to keep
days ago I challenged you to a duel after! her in clothes,
the American fashion, and you lost. To-i Still 1 don’t think she was happy,
morrow it is your duty as a man of honor i She couldn’t go to sewing circles and
to blow’ your brains out. As I am hard air her information about everybody
U P present, kwill, however, sell you j s jj e knew’, nor excite the envy of other
ladies by wearing her new winter bon
net to church.
Neither could she hang over the back
fence and gossip witn her neighbor.
All these blessed privileges were
And he handed him a note
a revolver and flourished it
“Sir,” meanwhile read the friend,
life for five florins. You will find
waiting at the door.”
“And is it for this you want the five
florins ?” asked the reader.
“It is. I must have them, or kill my
“With what ?''
And lie exhibited the revolver.
“Old boy,” said the mentor, eagerly,
“there is a gunsmith shop next door. He
will give you five florins for that.”
“Happy thought!” exclaims the duelist.
‘I'll book it!”
And ten minutes later he bad ransomed
At an early hour a woman called at the
postoffice anil purchased a three-cent stamp,
and had it already “licked"’ to paste on her
letter, when she discovered that she bad
left the letter at home. She received the
heartfelt sympathies of the stamp clerk and
went home for the letter. At 11 o'clock,
when the stamp window was besieged by a
crow’ll, the woman returned, having the
letter in one hand anil a minute fragment
of a postage stamp in the other.
“Stand out of the way for a poor dis
tressed woman !"’ she called out as she made
for the window, and those who didn’t obey
were poked aside in a way to be remem
bered by tlieir ribs. The change which one
buyer was about to pocket was swept off
the board on the floor by her arms, anil she
held the fragment of stamp and exclaimed
to the clerk:
“Do you dare deny, sir, that you sold
me a three-cent stamp two hours ago?"
“1 think I sold you a stamp," he replied.
“And T didn't U •• • mv ktt r hi
vertible bond, made of lim burger
cheese, which is stronger and more
durable. When this is done you can
tell the rich from the poor man by the
smell of his money. Now-a-days many
of us do not even get a smell of money
but in the good clays which are coming
the gentle zephyr will waft to us the
able-bodied liuiburger, and w
know that money is plenty.
The manufacture of cheese is a busi
ness that a poor man can engage i
well as the rich man. I say it without
fear of successful contradiction, and say
it boldly, that a poor man with, say
two hundred cows, if he thoroughly
understands his business, can market
more cheese than a rich man who own
three hundred oxen. This is suscepti
ble ot demonstration. If my boy show
ed a desire to become a statesman, I
would say to him, “Young man, get
- | married, buy a mu ley cow, go io She-
ter Fd. at™ an the paste off the stamp t| b , county and , un a cheese fac-
couldntfind my letter, ion remember: ' ,, e , ..
“Yes, I remember.” tor - v ' b P eakm S of cows > d,d lt ever
“Well, sir, I carried that stamp all the I otcl "' t0 - vou > gentlemen, what a saving
way home on the tip of my finger, and I j ^ w ould be to you if you should adopt
laid itdown on the windy-sill till 1 could i mu ley cows instead of horned cattle?
find my letter, and what did my little ; It takes at least three tons of hay and a
Clarence do but pick it up and begin to J large quantity of ground feed annually
chew away, and by the time 1 could choke j to ke palr of ll0 rns f at , and what
his mouth open nothing was left but this * ... ..,
little bit ” j earthly use are they? Statistics show
“And you want another ?” j that there are annually killed 45,000
“I demand another, sir, in place of this !*" j Grangers by cattle with horns. You
“I couldn’t do that” pass laws to muzzle dogs, because one
“But you’ll have to! This is the stamp 1 in ten thousand goes mad, and yet more
I bought of you! Look for yourself and people are killed by cows. What the
1 country needs is more muley cows,
see. I make oath that I never put it
letter. Am I to be cheated out of my three
cents in a back-handed way ?”
The crowd liegan to call out and jostle
her, but by a vigorous use of feet and el
bows she cleared the space again and said :
“I demand a new stamp!”
The clerk tried to explain how she
couldn’t get one in exchange, but she in
, Now that I am on the subject, it may
' be asked, what is the best breed for the
dairy ? My opinion is divided between
the Southdown and Cochin China,
j Some like one the best some the
other, but as for me, give me liberty or
: give me death.
There are many reforms that should
Poor Eve! she’s dead now.
And the fashion she inaugurated is
If it hadn’t been for the confounded
“snaik” perhaps the ladies of the pres
ent day would dress as economically as
But the only place where her primi-
«-*-• j tive style is emulated is in certain por-
Bijah’s Good Heart. j tions of Africa, where the woman con-
.... . . 77 77 . . , aider themselves in full dress when
Biiali was picking up things in the cor- 4
ritlor and making ready for court, when the ! ^ l,ave 0,1 but a P° 8ta S e staIn P *<«*
occupant of cell No. (5 commanded his at- j m l " c ce,,tre of their foreheads,
tention. It was a young woman. She had " hat a beautiful example in siniplic-
been on a sort of Christmas bridal tour by ity of dress is shown some of the fol-
herself, and she looked something like a : lowers of fashion by that domestic ani-
cornstalk strut* by; lightning.. , i mal, the cat. which rises in the morn-
“Now, old man, she began, as lie opened • , . .. ,. ...
the door, “I'm not going into court looking ">S, "’ashes its face with its right
this way. I want soap, water, towels, ) J ian( L & lve8 R s tail three tremendous
comb, brush and a little cologne, and I wish .jerks, and is ready dressed for the day.
you would send down to the house after my' Woman is endowed with a tremend-
Sunday hat and plum-colored silk. You ous fund of knowledge, and a tongue
don’t happen to have a diamond ring y !>1 Y>to suit.
d lend me, do you ' 1 *P She has the oupacify’ for learning
erything she was divinely intended
Bijali's good heart prompted him to sera *
around and help her fix up, but all he could
raise was a pail of cold water, a bar of yel
low soap and three ten-penny nails. The
prisoner’s appearance was therefore not ex
ceedingly stylish as she made her debut in
the court room.
“Sarah Eastman, do you always celebrate
Christmas in this singular manner ?” in
quired liis Honor.
“I shall leave for Ann Arbor this morn
ing,’" she quietly replied.
“Five days ago I suspended sentence on
you that you might go to Ann Arbor,” said
“Yes, sir, and five days ago my sister out
there telegraphed me not to come, as she
was dying. We never go to see each other
die in our family, and so 1 didn’t start."
“You were conducting yourself in a very
disorderly manner when arrested."’
“I beg pardon, sir. I had just taken
a seat in a sleigh. "
“But the sleigh belonged to an old milk
man whom you had pitched overboard.
Miss Eastman, I can't permit such conduct,
no matter if it was Christmas. Il is*
a had example for New Year's."
“Yes, I shall proceed to Ann Arlx
iiitvu I got to murder niy child and grt | be inaugurated j,. the manufacture of
the rest of the stamp! Never! I 11 never! , “ , ,, , , ,
leave this windy till I have a new stamp to i cheese ' ' V h > shou,d chee9e be raade
put on my letter to Thomas!” | roun,i ? 1 am inclined to the belief that
The clerk tried to explain again, but she I the making of cheese round is a super-
brought the letter down with a thump and j station. Who had not rather buy a good
square piece of cheese than a wedge-
shaped chunk, all rind at one end, and • ere< i
as thin as a Congressman’s excuse for
voting back-pay at the other. Make
“I'll leave this letter here. It is to my
Thomas in Port Huron. If lie doesn’t get
it in three days you’ll hear from me and my
four big girls and three sons, and when our
Careful >Ir. striker.
In case you want to send a box or
parcel to the house the twenty-five cent
express wagons are very handy things,
but your directions may not always be
understood. Mr. Striker had had his
parcel carted all over town and then
left at a police station, and once when
he sent a wagon after a stove needing
repairs, the man brought back a two-
inch auger aud a set of harness. When
he senthim back with them the driver
missed the house entirely anil left the
articles at a school house. Therefore,
when Mr. Striker wanted to send up a
parcel yesterday forenoon he ap
proached ail expressman and began :
“Sir, my name is Striker.'’
“ Y’es, sir.”
“1 spell it S-t-r-i-k-e-r.”
“ Yes, so do I.”
“I live at 496 Blank street.”
“ Yes, I know.”
“ My house is a brick, three trees in
the front yard, iron fence, bay window,
stone dog in the yard, and name on the
“ Y es, sir; I can go right there,sir.”
“ I want this bundle taken up,” said
11 r. Striker.
'* Yes, sir.”
“ Remember the place, 496 Blank
street,” cautioned Mr. Striker.
“Ah! hut couldn’t I drive right to
the house in the darkest night of the
year?” was the indignant answer as
the man drove off".
After driving one block he turned
around and put the whip to his horse
until he overtook Mr. Striker, when he
“ Was it 320 you told me, ’cause I
was thinking of my sick wife and the
number flew out of my mind.”
“496, you idiot!” yelled Striker, as
he wheeled around. “ Here it is on
this card! ”
“ Yes, sir, and I can find it like a
In about an hour the man appeared
at the store and inquired for Mr. Sto
ker, and Mr. Striker indignantly de
manded if that parcel bail been deliv-
family gets started on a
for the biggest postoffice in America!
At dark the clerk was undecided,
doesn’t like to be bluffed into going do
for his small change, but in the dim full
he sees a solemn procession, headed by
determined old lady, marching down t
corridor to make a vacancy in the ranks
, and a few extra items besides.
Young ladies take a good deal of
stock in classics and learn fast.
When you see a young lady student
from Vassar, with an absorbed look in
her eyes, ami her lips moving, you un
derstand at. once that she is memorizing
a passage from Virgil.
But perhaps :: closer inspection will
reveal the fact that she is only chewing
A woman may not be able to sharpen
a lead pencil, or hold an umbrella, but
she can j ac’w more articles into a trunk
than a man can into a one-horse wagon-
The happiest period of woman’s life
is when she is making her wedding
The saddest is when her husband
comes home late at night, and yells to
her from the front door steps to throw
him out a handful of keyholes ofdiffer-
There is some real curiosity in femi-
■s she felt to ?
morning,” she observed
her ear-rimrs were safe.'
“By way of the W.
“You may think so, but I shall take sup
per in Ann Arbor to-night," she calmly
remarked as she picked up the trail of her
When last seen she
apple on the front seat in an omnibu;
making up faces at an old woman o
other side of the street, but perliaj
readied Ann Arbor all riirht.
He was a Philadelphia young man. He
loved her to distraction, but her stern and
vigorous pa could not tolerate the young
man, so tlieir troubles from the very start
seemed almost unbearable. He lived on
West Walnut street, and parted liis hair
straight down the middle, was gallant and
good-looking, but he was ungodly and pro
fane, and the stern parent, who was like
wise a deacon, had forbidden him the house.
But, for her sake, on the first of the year lie
made such resolutions as converted him
immediately into a saint, and it was a source
of great solace and pride to her to catechise
him every evening at tlieir stolen meetings,
to learn from his own lips liis close observ
ance of liis new-made vows. Last night he
t<x)k her home from church, and they were
shivering in the cold, dark entry, when she
again questioned him aliout his new obliga
tion, “for,” said she, “when pa learns that
you have given up your bad habits, and do
not say naughty words, I think he will
“Ju ia,“ he replied with warmth, squeez
ing -her delicately-moulded hand with fer
vor, * I am true to my word. The fellows
say that I am knuckling too much to your
venerable dad, but blow the fellows so long
as you are happy. ”
“George,” said she, reproachfully, “is
not your conversation tinged with expres
sions not exactly naughty, but just a little
bit slang}' ?”
“No, my dear,” lie responded; “for your
sake I would not be guilty of words that
arc regarded as off. His nibs, your dizzy
old dad, is a queer old cove, and is about
four times too stuffy for modern times. For
you I have bulged on the boys and settled
down like a brick. If he don't come down
and recognize me and permit me to visit
you decently, then lie's an old blue mass—"
The pound of glim drops which he was
about to present to her fell in a shower in
the street. The dose of “blue mass" lifted
him horizontally fifteen feet, and as he
turned the last time before lighting in the
gutter he saw the dexter leg of her vig
orous pa lightly descend beside its mate.
When he recovered his senses, and crawled
across the roadway on his bruised knees, he
thought he heard her sire exclaim :
Julia, I think this match is off!”
f! nine nature.
For instance, I once knew a youn
lady who could easily pass another one
on the street without looking around to
see what she had on.
Poor thing! she was blind.
One of the worst habits a woman can
get into is a riding habit.
But it is not much worse than the
modern walking dress, which ladies
persist in wearing on the streets.
When a woman approaches the cross
ing she pauses for one fleeting instant,
Live* a sudden kick that would fire the
envy of a Mexican mustang, and catches
her train on the fly.
There is no fun in kissingagiri when
you know you have got to do it, and a
crowd is standing by to see fair play.
The best way is to lie in wait for her,
and jump out when she is not expect
ing it, catch her round the neck, knock
her hair down, tear all the gathers out
of her dress, pull her hands away from
her face, have her cry, “Oh, don’t!” as
you press your lips to her’s, then gooff
to a quiet place and think about it.
The average age of woman is about
She never li\es to be very old.
Some of them look to be well ad
vanced in years, but you should no
judge by appearances.
If you will take the trouble to ask a
woman how old she is, you will get at
the real facts of the matter.
And discover that she Is quite young,
she seldom passes her thirtieth birth
About that time she begins to tear out
certain leaves in the family Bible.
Scientific men are trying to explain
why women can’t throw stones with the
force and precision of tne sterner sex.
This is glaring nonsense.
Women may not be able to throw
stones with force and precision, but
they can hit the mark every time with
a gridiron ora stick of stove wood.
Experience has taught me that.
Women, as a general thing, are very
hard to manage. I know but one way
to keep a woman in check.
And that is to make her dress in ging
A Dutch saloonist, when asked why
he hung a beer mug in front of his
place, replied: “Don’t dot Constitu
tion of the United States say, 4 hang
out your banners ou dose outside walls 9 ’
so I puts mine flag on de front wall of
stop your cheese square and the consumer
| will rise up and call you another.
Another reform that might be inau
gurated would be to veneer the cheese
with building-paper or clapboard, in
stead of the time-honored \ iece of tow
el. I never saw cheese cul that I didn’t
think that the cloth around it had seen
! service as a bandage on some other
A Feck at the Cheese. patient. But I may have been wrong.
Another thing that does not seem to be
George W . Peek, of the La Crosse right, is to see so many holes in cheese.
Sun, recently delivered an address be-jit seems tome that solid cheese, one
tore the I\ i scon sin State Dairyman’s ■ made by one of the olil masters, with
Association. The following is an ex-, holes in it—I do not accuse vou of
tract from the witty document: j cheating, but don’t you feel a little
Fellow Creani-a-tionisls:—In calling j ashamed when you see a cheese cut.
upon me, on tbig .occasion, to °nligbt**n , and the iu»l* « -i«* the biggest part oi it 7
you upon a subject that is dear to the The little cells maybe handy for the
hearts of all Americans, you have got skippers, but the consumer feels the
the right man in the right place. It ■ fraud in his innermost soul. Among
makes me proud to come to my old j the improvements made in the manu-
liome and unfold the truths that have ■ factore of cheese, I must not forget that
been folded since I can remember. It j 0 f late years the cheese does not resem-
may be said by scoffers, and it lias been i ble the grindstone as much as it did
said to-day, in my presence, that I years ago. The time has been when, if
didn’t know enough toeven milk a cow.
I deny the allegation : show me the al
ligator. If any gentleman present has
got a cow here with him, and a clothes-
wringer, 1 will show you whether I can
milk a cow or not. Or, if there is a
cheese mine here handy, I will demon
strate that I can runnel.
The manufacture of cheese and but
ter has been among the earliest indus
tries. Away back in the history of the
world, we find Adam and Eve convey
ing their inilk from the garden of Eden,
in a one-horse wagon, to the cool spring
cheese factory, to be weighed in the
balance. Whatever .jay be said of
Adam anil Eve to their discredit in the
marketing of the products of tlieir
orchard, it has never been charged that!
the farmer could not find his grind
stone, all he had to do was to mortize a
hole in the middle of a cheese, aud turn
it and grind his scythe. Before the in
vention of nitro-glycerine it was a good
day’s work to hew off cheese enough
for a meal. Time has worked wonders
“ Ah ! you are the man I was looking
for! 1 couldn’t find your house Mr.
“Stoker! you human hyena—my
“Is it? Then I made a mistake.
Striker—Striker—I'lJ remember it if it
kills me. Excuse me, sir, but I never
got confused before, and I’m all right
The man rattled away at a furious
pace, and Mr. Striker saw no more of
him until reaching home. The chap
was waiting for him three door* below,
and at once began :
“ Mr. Stooks, they say you don’j live
here and they won’t take the parcel.”
“Stooks! Why. I'll kill you! My
name is Striker!”
“ Is it! Well, that beats me.”
house is 4D«j. Didn’t I give you rni?~
number on a card
“ Why, yes, of course. Dear me, but
bow confused I am! No wonder I
thought your name was Slocum instead
of the Signal Serri«*<
The system of danger signals, adopt
ed by tne United States Government,
lias proved of great benefit to shipping.
All along the coast are station
which plainly visible signals are dis-
I played, to warn ship-captains of
i proaching storms. The reports of
servers at the stations are required to
all instances in which vessels have
they stopped at the pump and put wa- j remained in port on account of official
ter in tlieir milk cans. Doubtless you
all remember how Cain killed his bro
ther Abel because Abel would not let
him do the churning. We can picture
Cain and Abel driving muley cows up
to the house from the pasture in the
northeast corner of the garden, and
Abel standing at the bars with a tin
pail and a three-legged stool, smoking
a meerschaum pipe and singing, “Hold
the fort, for I am coming through the
rye,” while Eve sat on the veranda
altering over her last year’s polonaise,
and winking at the devil who stood
behind the milk-house singing, “I want
to be an angel.” After be got thro’
milking he came up and saw Eve blush
ing and he said, “Madam, cheese it,”
and she chose it.
But to come down to the £}resent day,
we find that cheese has become one of
the most important brandies of manu
facture. It is next' in importance to
the silver interest. And, fellow cheese
mongers, you arc doing yourselves
great injustice that you do not petition
Congress to pass a bill to remonetize
cheese. There is more cheese raised in
this country than there is silver, and it
warnings given. In these cases daiiger
was avoided, and statistics show that
disasters to shipping have been consid
erably fewer since the introduction of
the cautionary signals. The agricul
tural interests of the country also have
been greatly benefited by the daily bul
letins sent to every farming district in
the land by the Weather Department.
These bulletins are made from tele
graphic reports received at appointed
centers of distribution, where they are
at once printed, placed in envelopes,
and addressed to designated post-offices
in the district to be supplied. Each
postmaster receiving a bulletin has the
order of the Posmaster-General to dis
play it instantly in a frame furnished
for the purpose. The bulletins ieach
the difierent offices, ar.d are displayed
in the frames, on the average, at eleven
o’clock in the morning, making about
ten hours from the time the report left
the chief signal officer until it appeared
placarded at every centre of the farm
ing population and became accessible to
all classes even the most distant parts of
the country. The information given
on these bulletins has been found esoe
is more valuable. Suppose you had not eiaUy valuable to those farmers who
eaten a mouthful in thirty days, and ta ke an interest in the study of meteor-
you should have placed on the table j ology. or the science of weather, and
before you ten dollars stamped out of; tlie facts announced are so plain, that
silver bullion on one plate and nine a „y intelligent person may profit by
dollars stamped out of cheese bullion
on another plate. Which would you
take first? Though the face value of
the nine cheese dollars would be ten
per cent, below the face value of the
ten silver dollars, you would take the
cheese. Y’ou could use it to better ad
vantage in your business. Hence, 1
say, cheese is more valuable than silver,
and it should be made legal tender for
all debts, public and private, except
pew-rent. I may be in advance of other
eminent financiers who have studied
the currency question, but I want to
see the time come, and I trust the day
them. For instance, each bulletin now
announces, for its particular district,
what win Is in each month have been
found most likely, anil what least like
ly, to be followed by rain. Attention
given to this one simple piece of infor
mation will result in increasing the
gains and reducing the losses of har
vesting. Warnings of expected rises
or falls in the great rivers are made
with equal regularity, telegraphed, bul
letined in frames, and also published in
the newspapers, at tlie different river
cities. These daily reports give the
depths of water at different points in
is not far distant, when 412^2 grains of! the rivers’courses, and make it easy
cheese will be equal to a dollar in cod- j lor river shipping to be moored safely
fish, and when the merry jingle of in anticipation of low water, when ig-
slices of cheese shall be heard in every
pocket. Then every cheese factory can
make its own coin, money will be plen
ty, everybody will be happy, and there
never will be any more war. It may be
asked how this currency can be re
deemed ? I would have an incontro- ' flows.
norance might lead to the grounding
of the boats on sand-bars or mud-banks.
The notices of the probable heights
which freshets may reach, are followed
by preparations upon the “ levees” and
river banks, to guard against over-
Old Billy, a North Carolinian, was, be
sides magistrate, sheriff and wreckmaster,
the proprietor of a country store. Like all
such stores, it was the rendezvous of village
loafers who clustered there every night,
playing poker, generally with old Billy's
clerk, and besides drinking the old man's
liquor, sj»ent his money, lent them by the
confidential clerk. Old Billy suspected
what was going on, and came down on them
suddenly one night, and before they could
hide themselves, “Nehemiah,” the clerk,
got “Jesse,” but was forgiven on promising
to sin no more.
“Nehemiah, ” said Billy, “never let a
soul in again after eight o'clock." Nehe
miah promised obedience; But next
night the crowd was at work as usual,
and Billy thought he would go down ami
see how things went on. Accordingly down
he went and knocked at the door.
“Who's there?’’ cried Nehemiah.
“It's me, Mr. , open the door.”
“No; Billy told me never to let any one
in after eight o'clock, and I ain't going to
“But Nehemiah. it's me. Open tlie door
“No : none of your gammon ; you sound
mightily liKe him, but it won't go down: so
travel, or dod rot your hide if I don't give
you a shot with this old blunderbuss, you
dog-goned humbug! ”
Billy waited to bear'no more, but started
off like a quarter-horse, confident that Ne 4
hemiah was a reformed man, and the next
d..y doubled his salary !
Curious and singular watches with still
more curious and singular cases, were in
former days quite generally in vogue. An
English archbishop in his last will, written
down three hundred years ago, says: “1
bequeath to my right reverened brother
Richard, Bishop of Ely, my cane, whose
head contains a watch,” Such walking
canes with watches, and still more frequent
ly, rings with watches, are stilj preserved
in not a few of the collections of curiosi
ties. One of the electoral princes of >axo-
ny had a watch in his riding, saddle. Fiona
persons of those days used to wear watches
the form of crosses. One of these is
known under tlie name of “the watch of
the abbess." It was made two hundred
years ago for the abbess of a convent, and
on its case a number of scriptural pas
sages. Another one of the same form has
pagan and scriptural mottoes, and also the
figures of Diana and Endymion. Tlie
ladies of that time also liked to wear
watches having the form of litle books,
through the filigrained covers of which the
watch face was visible.
A Poor Little “ Doggy.”
A lady carrying a small lapdog in her
arms ascended the steps of a Sutter
street mansion the other day and ex
citedly rang the bell. “Quick!” she
said earnestly to the servant girl, “tell
me, is there company in your parlor?”
“No mum; why?”
“ Because little Bijou here is going to
have a fit; has ’em every three we -ks
regular, and I see one coming now. I’m
afraid he'll injure himself out here on
the pavement. Now if you'll only lend
me your parlor until the poor darling
But the heartless servant refused,
and the last seen of the lady she had
hired a passing coupe and was sitting
up with the driver sprinkling cologne
in through tne window while Bijou was
foaming at the mouth and clawing up
the silk cushions inside.