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Site Advertiser. PUBLISHED EVERY THURSDAY MORNING. WM. BRADFOKD, Editor. TEEMS OF SUBSCRIPTION: - • - - *1 05 io!oo TERMS—Cash In Advance. Address, ADVERTISER PUBLISHING CO., Cedartown, Ga. l Copy one year l *• six month' li ‘ one year OLI) SERIES—YOL. VI. NO. 5. CEDAKTOWN, GA., APRIL 17, 1879. NEW SERIES—YOL. I. NO. 18. She Advertiser. ADVERTISING RATES. 1 Inch *1 oo 2 Inc ties l so 3 inches j 2 o» i 4 column 4 uo % coiumn j 6 oo l co unin 1 io oo LOCAL NOTICES—Ten cents p f r line f »r on * Insertion. For two or more inaerJoiis. five cents per Hue each insertion. OBITUARY NOTICES—Charged at half rates. TWILIGHT BURIAL. Thou has passed from life, aud thou knoweat it not ; The light is quenched in tliiue eyes, I wot, The rose-red mouth, it was wan aud sere, Aud thou art dead, my poor, dead dear. One summer night, myself I saw Thee laid in earth with a shuddering awe ; The nightingales fluted low dirge-like lays, Aud the stars came out on thy bier to gaze. As the morning train through the wood defiles Their litany peals up the branching aisles ; The pine trees, m funeral mantles dressed. Moan prayers for the soul that is gone to rest. And as by the mountain-tarn we wound, The elves were dancing a fairy' round, They stopped, and they seemed, though start led thus. With looks of pity to gaze at us. And when we came to thy lone earth bed. The moon came down from the heaven o’er- head. She spoke of the lost one. A sob, a etound ! And the bells in the far-away distance sound. Indian Joe. In the summer and autumn of 1808 1 was the operator in charge of the Overland Telegraph Company’s office at, Plum Creek Station, Neb., aliout fifty miles west of Fort Kearney. Before I took charge at Plum Creek a company of soldiers had been stationed there to keep the unfriendly Indians in subjection and to subdue any outbreak on the part of those who pretended to be,on good terms with the Government. But atfairs on the plains being quiet, the presence of the troops was considered , no longer necessary, and they were ordered into Omaha. Every one else out there being so confident j that no danger threatened them, I went to work without any apprehension myself of coming troubles. The company furnished me with a good horse, two navy revolvers, and a carbine, and my quarters were in an adobe building, called in the parlance of the plains a “dobey.” The walls were built of sod, and the roof was built of strong cotton wood logs in the place of rafters, and covered with the same material that the walls were composed of. In the summer time grass and flowers grew up on the sides and top of the “dobey," and made it a very pleasant place of abode. My communication with the people of the world was rather limited, the only persons 1 ever saw being travelers in the overland stage, movers in ox-wagons bound for the Pacific slope, and an occasional visit from a ranchman of the plains. For a while the novelty of being almost entirely alone and free from the restraints that civilized life imposes upon us was very pleasant, but when 1 became accustomed to this, the silence of the desert during the daytime was almost overpowering, and there were times when I almost sighed for a sight of even a hostile Indian. The ship wrecked sailor who is cast away in mid ocean alone in a boat, finds some escape from the lonesome stillness in the soft splash ing of the waves, but a man alone on the plains has not even that much noise to break the dread monotony. There were no birds there to charm the ear and lend an air of life t<* the scene, except now and then the screech of the desert hawk could be heard, the notes of which were unmusical and far apart. Sitting in my little office some days everything was so hushed and still I could almost imagine that everybody else in the world was dead, and that I had been left behind as a sentinel guarding their tombs. 1 often found myself wondering what the feelings of a man would he if he knew there was not a living being in the world beside himself, and he was destined to live through all ages to come surrounded by an everlast ing silence. At night the scene from my office window was weird and ghost-like, but the ravenous coyotes broke the stillness that reigned throughout the day by snap ping and snarling at each other until the morning dawned. For the sake of passing the time, I got to firing at the creatures with my carbine and revolvers, and it was astonishing to note how quick they would devour one when he fell, pierced by a bullet. Some nights l would kill four or five, and in the morning when I went out to see what remained of their carcases, not a hone would be found left behind. In time 1 discovered that they would tear the flesh from the bones and then carry them to their lairs to pick during the day. 1 killed buffalos, antelopes and jack-rabbits until I wearied of even that kind of sport, and so glad was I to see any human, the ugliest and most ignorant man on tire globe would have been an honored and welcome guest. After remaining a month in that vast solitude, 1 resolved to throw up my position—although it was a lucrative one—and go where 1 could have the company of at least one human being, but an incident occurred just at that time which caused me to alter my determination. Sitting one day in the door of my “dobey’" peeling some potatoes for dinner, Iwas startled by the appearance of a sliatlow but a little distance from me. Glancing up suddenly, “Lo! the poor Indian” was standing a few feet from the door with lordly mien and an air which 1 thought de noted an intention to possess himself of my scalp. Not desiring, however, to part with it, I sprang from my seat and had him covered with my carbine before he had time to “get the drop"* on me. “Pale face no shoot. Heap good friend," said he. “.Me good Injun, and do heap work for pale faces. Cooky and wash good. Pawnee brave—ugh!” , At first I was under the impression that There was more than one present, bnt when j 1 discovered my mistake I put down ray ; carbine and felt no further alarm. He told me he had been captured by the j Sioux from the Pawnee tribe, but had es- j raped from his captors, and if 1 would let j him stay he would work for me, and be | “heap i)ig clever Injun.” 1 hailed ltis coming with delight: in the ; first place because I wanted some kind of a ; companion, and in the second because 1 was fond of studying the Indian character, and j here was a splendid opportunity of gratify ing the whim. I made him wash himself thoroughly, and put on a suit of my clothes, and found when lie was decently rigged out, sans war-paint, feathers, and other gewgaws, that he was a tolerably fair speci men of the genus homo. He had a long Indian name I could not spell or pronounce, so 1 proposed to him to change it to “Joe.” This suited him j greatly, and all during the day, while he was washing the pots and doing the “house work” generally, I could hear him saying to himself: “Pale-faced chief call me Joe, Joe, Joe. I Pale-face heap clever and good to Joe. Joe will tell Pawnee chief about pale-faced | chief, and make him give pale-faced chief j heap squaws!” I mistrusted him at first, fearing that lie ! would run off with my horse and firearms, ‘ hut in time I learned to trust him implicitly and became very fond of him. The sequel to my story will prove how worthy he was of my confidence. Ah! what a royal time we had together, chasing the antelope and buffalo. My in terest revived in this sport, after the pro tracted silence was broken, and some days we would wander m&ny miles out on the plains. Joe was fleet of foot, and could walk all day long without the least sign of fatigue. Occasionally I would take him up behind me, but he generally insisted upon walking, and I let him have his way. He was particularly solicitous about my com fort and convenience, and every day I was delighted with the development of new phases in his character. He had a noble mind, and was as sympathetic and soft hearted as a child. He had, t«x>, an air of chivalry and courtesy about him, which was peculiarly engaging, and needed noth ing hut the opportunity to make himself a real courtier. 1 tried to induce him to eat with me, but he could not he prevailed upon to do so, always standing by me with a deferential air, and anticipating all my wants. I was greatly astonished at his general decorum, and often wondered where he acquired his gentle and often dignified manners, never having noticed such char acteristics in any other Indian. All the reward he asked for his fiuthful services was kind treatment, and assurances from me that I appreciated him. He came one day where I was cleaning my pistols, the perfect personification of commiseration and grief. I observed that he was deeply disturbed, but waited for him to speak. Y Finallyjie said, “Pawnees soon get on war path big. Mixing their paint now. Pale-faced chief have to leave ’fore long, or Pawnees take scalp of pale-faced chief. Joe can’t save pale-faced chief if he stay, but will tell him when to leave.” After this I frequently heard him mutter ing to himself. I heard him say one morn ing: “Pawnees heap kill pale-faces when get war-paint on. Shan't kill pale-faced chief, for Joe will save him. Joe will never see pale-faced chief after he runs away from Pawnee braves. Poor Joe! Poor Joe!” Then he would weep bitterly, seeming to suffer the most poignant sorrow. A week or ten days after this warning he came to me and said: “Pale-faced chief must close his wigwam and go where the pale-faces are thick as the leaves on the trees” (meaning Fort Kearney, where a large number of soldiers were stationed j. “The Pawnee braves have got on war paint and their plumes, and many ranchmen and stagemen be sent to the happy hunting- grounds. Pale-faced chief has been Joe’s brother. When he goes away Joe will go too, for Joe has told the Great Spirit he will never take any more scalps from the pale- faced chief’s brothers. Pale-faced chief must go away.” I had made up my mind to go when Joe gave the final warning, for it never entered in}' head to doubt his word about the threatened outbreak of the Pawnees. I asked for a relief, and a young man about twenty years of age was sent down the road to take my place. I was called a coward for desiring to leave, but I felt as strongly as I ever felt anything in my life that i was fleeing from a place where cer tain death awaited me if 1 remained. I made preparations to leave that night on the same stage that brought my relief. A short time before dark Joe bundled up his blankets and the little mementoes I had given him. I had a beautiful little ivory- framed looking-glass, and, knowing how longingly he had looked upon it. all the time he had been with me, I gave it to him, together with a photograph of myself. A miser never gazed upon his hoarded piles of gold more lovingly than Joe did upon j these simple gifts. With tears streaming ! down his cheeks he sa:_ ^.ood-by, and struck j out across the sterile plains, bearing a bur-1 den of grief. I watched his receding form < disappear in the gathering gloom, and won- ‘ dered if, during the lonely Indian’s sojourn ! with me, I had succeeded in instilling into his mind any new ideas bearing upon human J life! Ah, tin* savage has a soul as well sis the ! saint, and Joe, as he wandered on and thought of what his “white brother” had told him during the time they had occupied together that little isolated “dobey"’ on the plains, doubtless felt his humble heart thrill with emotions he had never before ex perienced. I boarded the Eastern stage that night, feeling confident that the next few days would be big with fate. 1 warned the ranchmen and stage station- keepers as we passed along of their impend ing danger, but my warnings were treated as the nervous apprehensions of a man “not from the State." On the third night after my departure from Plum Creek I arrived at Omaha at a late hour. The next morning I awoke, got lip and hoisted the window in my room at the Herndon House and looked out on the street. I heard a newslwiy cry out, “Here's your morning papers. All about the Indian massacre !*' Procuring a paper, I turned to the telegraphic columns, and this is what I “Terrible Indian Massacre—The Red Devils Again on the War-path—Ranchmen, Stage Station-keepers, and Telegraph Oper ators Ruthlessly Butchered—The Operator at Plum Creek, After Being Brutally Scalped, Has a Wooden Stake Driven Down His Throat." Was it Providence that saved me from a terrible tragic death, and led the other man into its very jaws ?” I cannot answer this question, but I can say that Indian Joe has t?ver since been a grand hero in my sight, and nothing would gratify me more than to meet him again. Ingratitude A woman gets on the train and says a very warm-hearted good-bye to a great cub of a sixteen-year-old boy, who sets down her bundles and turns to leave the car with a gruff grunt that may mean good-bye or anything else. There is a little quiver on her lip as she calls after him : “Be a good boy: write to me often, and do as I tell you.” He never looks around as he leaves the car. He looks just like the kind of a boy who will do just as she tells him, but she must be careful to tell him to do just as he wants to. I have one bright spark of con solation as the train moves on and I see that boy performing a clumsy satire on a a clog dance on the platform. Some of these days lie will treat some man as gruffly and rudely as he treats his mother. Then the man will climb on to him and lick him —pound the very sawdust out of him. Then the world will feel better and happier for the licking he gets. It may be long de ferred, but it will come at hist. I almost wish I had pounded him myself, while he is young and I felt able to do it. 11c may grow up into a very discouragingly rugged man, extremely difficult to lick, and the world may have to wait a very long time for this act of justice. It frequently hap pens that these bad boys grow up into dis tressingly bad men. There are those to whom a sense of religion has come in storm and tempest; there are those whom it has summoned amid scenes of revelry and idle vanity; there are those, too, who have heard its “still, small voice” amid rural leisure and placid contentment, But perhaps tne knowledge which causeth notto.err is more frequently impressed upon the mind during seasons of affliction; and tears are the softened showers which cause the seed of heaven to spring and take root in the human breast. American Enterprise. Recuperative power, the will and the energy to encounter and overcome dif ficulties, is the leading characteristic of Americans as a people. When sudden disasters come upon them, instead of yielding to depression, they set vigor ously to work and the time usually given to lamentation is devoted to the repair of damages and the rebuilding ot a better structure upon either physical or financial ruins. Thus have we seen a new Chicago rear its head amid the ashes ot a wiue-spread and desolating conflagration. The fire swept away tho wooden edifices and they were replaced by marble. We have seen, too, in this generation, the greatest civil war of modern times raging over ever section of the country. Vo sooner, However, had the clash of arms ceased than the work of reconst: action was recom menced and wise measures adopted to coment again that Union framed by our fathers that it might be bequeathed “one and inseparable” to our pros perity. But it is not necessary that we should go so far afield for evidences of the elasticity of the American character. On the 9th of November last a fire broke out in that pioneer and most popular of watering-places, Cape May City, which, in a few short hours, swept away all the large hotels, with a single exception, together with the humbler but handsome cottages inhabited dur ing the summer months by private families. Everywhere the eye turned was one scene of devastition and deso lation. To all intents and purposes Cape May City was utterly destroyed. Under such circumstances what was the action taken by those most deeply interested? Did they idly fold their arms and relinquishing all hopes aban don themselves to despair? This was not the true American spirit. On the contrary, while the embers were still smouldering, they took a calm survey of the entire field. The New Jersey railroad company (operated by the Pennsylivania railroad company) which ha* already done so much in the way of speedy aud safe transportation for that city bv the sea, came nobly to the front and offered to deliver building materials either at reduced rates or free of cost Temporary tracks were built to facilitate the-moving of heavy freights. The City Councils agreed to exempt the larger hotels, w1k»u rebuilt? from taxation lor the term oi five years. An impulse was thus given to the work of reconstruction and the following improvements having been commenced will be completed in time for tne present season. The new Congress Hall, a brick struc ture ol 200 rooms, about half the capa city of the former building. It is four stories high, the upper being ina.iisard roof. It extends 100 feet east and west, and 200 feet north and south, located fifty feet farther on the lawn, and the west wing being much nearer the sea than formerly, the end beipg opposite the West End House on Congress street, but only extending half acioss the lawn. Washington street is to be cut through from Perry to Congress, and the office, main entrance, etc., is on Washington street. The kitchens, etc., are one story and placed on Perry street, half-way between the former hotel office and the sea. Mr. Geo. Fryer’s cottage, foot of Perry street, is up and the third story joist crossed. It is being weather- boarded. The Avenue House of Mrs. Michael Biern, in front of Fryer’s, is having the basement dug, and will go up at once, to be done by May 15. Mr. Doughty is still to conduct it. King’s cottage, foot of Jackson street, is partly raised and joist laid. He is excavating cellars on Decatur street, where the cot tages were burned there. Victor Denizot is raising his house at the foot of Deca- ur street. It is much larger than the cottage. Mr. A. McConnell’s cottage, half burned, is nearly rebuilt, and Mr. Rudolph’s, which was but slightly dam aged, is entirely finished. Mr. Mc Connell will rebuild the house adjoining his, which was wholly consumed. Mr. Jere E. Mecray is raising his cot tage on Jackson street, alongside of the Centre House site, lie will not rebuild the Centre. The Stockton bath house site is graded ready for the structures. They and Mr. King’s are to be two stories high—a noveltv here. On How ard street, Mr. Robb's cottage is up, enclosed and under roof. The Chal- fonte addition ol 110 feet is drawing to completion. The Whitney cottage, foot of Congress street, is to be con verted into a roomy hotel for 200 people. The Stockton House is to have an ad- diton, but ground is not broken for either it or Whitney’s yet. It is said the West Jersey railroad will run its rails to Sea Grove and the steamboat landing this summer. The cross-ties are lying at the creek bridge on Broadway, and stakes are driver, across tlie Mark Devine property and marsh for half a mile. The stake struck the creek half a mile west of the Excur sion House, and rumor says it follows the beach after leaving Mark Devine’s land. The U. S. authorities will not allow the locomotive to cross near the light-house tower, as the jar will injure the structure. Mr. Nash, of Philadel phia, formerly of the Arctic House here, has the Excursion House this summer. Mr. Brolasky’s summer cottage here has the columns supporting the veran dahs of both stories, made from the rough trunks of cedars as they grew in the woods, barked, but with the knots prominent where the branches were hewn off. The brackets are formed tfrom he natural branch leit on the trunk. Dr.Emlen Phy sick’s superb residence, near Schellengers Landing, awaits a change in the weather to enable the plasterers to proceed with their work. Capt. W. H. Mills is about to rebuild Iiis house, burned January 4th, on Washington street. The Columbia House will very pro bably go up again on the lawn close to the sea, strong talk to that effect now pervading the air. Thus almost before the roar of the flames has ceased there will rise again ' on the shores of the Atlantic a renewed, j regenerated, though not a more salu brious or popular Cape May. Essay on Women. “After the American Fasliio A young student at a ball at Pestli, Hun gary, resented the attentions one of his fellow guests paid to a young lady whom he chose to esteem his particular sweetheart, j he did. aud took advantage of the first opportunity that offered to tread on his rival's toes. Next day the latter called on him. “You have insulted me grossly," he said, “and I demand satisfaction. Being the insulted party 1 have the right to choose the means of righting myself. I suggest a duel after the American fashion.” “What the deuce is that ?” demanded tin* insul ter. “Simply to put a white and black beah in a hat and draw without looking.'’ V “And then ?” After man came woman. And she has been after him ever since. She is a person of noble extraction, being made of a man’s rib. I don’t know why Adam wanted to fool away his ribs in that wav, but I suppose be was not accountable for all It costs more to keep a woman than three dogs and a shot gun. But she pays you back with interes —by giving you a house full of children to keep you awake at night3 and smear molasses candy all over your Sunday coat. Besides, wife is a a very conveni ent article to have about the house. She is liandy to swear at whenever you cut yourself with a razor, and “Well, then, the one who draws the black bean is bound in honor to blow his brains out within ten days.” The student lost. Nine days later he burst into the room of a friend in great agi tation. * d > * ‘Yel like blaming yourself. Women is the superior being in Mas- 1 sachusetts. There are about sixty thousand more ; of her sex than males in that State. This accounts for the terrified hunted ; down expression of the single men vliile he drew it li melodra- “For the love of heaven lend me fiv florins, old boy!” he exclaimed. “Five florins!” was the response: “whyj who emigrate from the East. I haven’t got the ghost of a brass penny.*’ j Woman was not created perfect. “Then,” cried the duellist after the She has her faults—such as false American fashion, “I am a doomed man !’* ^ hair, false complexion, and so on. Doomed. How . But she is a great deal better than her neighbor, and she knows it- Eve was a woman. She must have been a model wife, too; for it cost Adam nothing to keep days ago I challenged you to a duel after! her in clothes, the American fashion, and you lost. To-i Still 1 don’t think she was happy, morrow it is your duty as a man of honor i She couldn’t go to sewing circles and to blow’ your brains out. As I am hard air her information about everybody U P present, kwill, however, sell you j s jj e knew’, nor excite the envy of other ladies by wearing her new winter bon net to church. Neither could she hang over the back fence and gossip witn her neighbor. All these blessed privileges were “Read.” And he handed him a note a revolver and flourished it matic desperation. “Sir,” meanwhile read the friend, (►will, howeve life for five florins. You will find waiting at the door.” “And is it for this you want the five florins ?” asked the reader. “It is. I must have them, or kill my self.” “With what ?'' “With this!” And lie exhibited the revolver. “Old boy,” said the mentor, eagerly, “there is a gunsmith shop next door. He will give you five florins for that.” “Happy thought!” exclaims the duelist. ‘I'll book it!” And ten minutes later he bad ransomed himself. At an early hour a woman called at the postoffice anil purchased a three-cent stamp, and had it already “licked"’ to paste on her letter, when she discovered that she bad left the letter at home. She received the heartfelt sympathies of the stamp clerk and went home for the letter. At 11 o'clock, when the stamp window was besieged by a crow’ll, the woman returned, having the letter in one hand anil a minute fragment of a postage stamp in the other. “Stand out of the way for a poor dis tressed woman !"’ she called out as she made for the window, and those who didn’t obey were poked aside in a way to be remem bered by tlieir ribs. The change which one buyer was about to pocket was swept off the board on the floor by her arms, anil she held the fragment of stamp and exclaimed to the clerk: “Do you dare deny, sir, that you sold me a three-cent stamp two hours ago?" “1 think I sold you a stamp," he replied. “And T didn't U •• • mv ktt r hi vertible bond, made of lim burger cheese, which is stronger and more durable. When this is done you can tell the rich from the poor man by the smell of his money. Now-a-days many of us do not even get a smell of money but in the good clays which are coming the gentle zephyr will waft to us the able-bodied liuiburger, and w know that money is plenty. The manufacture of cheese is a busi ness that a poor man can engage i well as the rich man. I say it without fear of successful contradiction, and say it boldly, that a poor man with, say two hundred cows, if he thoroughly understands his business, can market more cheese than a rich man who own three hundred oxen. This is suscepti ble ot demonstration. If my boy show ed a desire to become a statesman, I would say to him, “Young man, get - | married, buy a mu ley cow, go io She- ter Fd. at™ an the paste off the stamp t| b , county and , un a cheese fac- couldntfind my letter, ion remember: ' ,, e , .. “Yes, I remember.” tor - v ' b P eakm S of cows > d,d lt ever “Well, sir, I carried that stamp all the I otcl "' t0 - vou > gentlemen, what a saving way home on the tip of my finger, and I j ^ w ould be to you if you should adopt laid itdown on the windy-sill till 1 could i mu ley cows instead of horned cattle? find my letter, and what did my little ; It takes at least three tons of hay and a Clarence do but pick it up and begin to J large quantity of ground feed annually chew away, and by the time 1 could choke j to ke palr of ll0 rns f at , and what his mouth open nothing was left but this * ... .., little bit ” j earthly use are they? Statistics show “And you want another ?” j that there are annually killed 45,000 “I demand another, sir, in place of this !*" j Grangers by cattle with horns. You “I couldn’t do that” pass laws to muzzle dogs, because one “But you’ll have to! This is the stamp 1 in ten thousand goes mad, and yet more I bought of you! Look for yourself and people are killed by cows. What the 1 country needs is more muley cows, see. I make oath that I never put it letter. Am I to be cheated out of my three cents in a back-handed way ?” The crowd liegan to call out and jostle her, but by a vigorous use of feet and el bows she cleared the space again and said : “I demand a new stamp!” The clerk tried to explain how she couldn’t get one in exchange, but she in terrupted , Now that I am on the subject, it may ' be asked, what is the best breed for the dairy ? My opinion is divided between the Southdown and Cochin China, j Some like one the best some the other, but as for me, give me liberty or : give me death. There are many reforms that should denied her. Poor Eve! she’s dead now. And the fashion she inaugurated is dead now. If it hadn’t been for the confounded “snaik” perhaps the ladies of the pres ent day would dress as economically as Eve did. But the only place where her primi- «-*-• j tive style is emulated is in certain por- Bijah’s Good Heart. j tions of Africa, where the woman con- .... . . 77 77 . . , aider themselves in full dress when Biiali was picking up things in the cor- 4 ritlor and making ready for court, when the ! ^ l,ave 0,1 but a P° 8ta S e staIn P *<«* occupant of cell No. (5 commanded his at- j m l " c ce,,tre of their foreheads, tention. It was a young woman. She had " hat a beautiful example in siniplic- been on a sort of Christmas bridal tour by ity of dress is shown some of the fol- herself, and she looked something like a : lowers of fashion by that domestic ani- cornstalk strut* by; lightning.. , i mal, the cat. which rises in the morn- “Now, old man, she began, as lie opened • , . .. ,. ... the door, “I'm not going into court looking ">S, "’ashes its face with its right this way. I want soap, water, towels, ) J ian( L & lve8 R s tail three tremendous comb, brush and a little cologne, and I wish .jerks, and is ready dressed for the day. you would send down to the house after my' Woman is endowed with a tremend- Sunday hat and plum-colored silk. You ous fund of knowledge, and a tongue don’t happen to have a diamond ring y !>1 Y>to suit. d lend me, do you ' 1 *P She has the oupacify’ for learning erything she was divinely intended Bijali's good heart prompted him to sera * around and help her fix up, but all he could raise was a pail of cold water, a bar of yel low soap and three ten-penny nails. The prisoner’s appearance was therefore not ex ceedingly stylish as she made her debut in the court room. “Sarah Eastman, do you always celebrate Christmas in this singular manner ?” in quired liis Honor. “I shall leave for Ann Arbor this morn ing,’" she quietly replied. “Five days ago I suspended sentence on you that you might go to Ann Arbor,” said the court. “Yes, sir, and five days ago my sister out there telegraphed me not to come, as she was dying. We never go to see each other die in our family, and so 1 didn’t start." “You were conducting yourself in a very disorderly manner when arrested."’ “I beg pardon, sir. I had just taken a seat in a sleigh. " “But the sleigh belonged to an old milk man whom you had pitched overboard. Miss Eastman, I can't permit such conduct, no matter if it was Christmas. Il is* a had example for New Year's." “Yes, I shall proceed to Ann Arlx iiitvu I got to murder niy child and grt | be inaugurated j,. the manufacture of the rest of the stamp! Never! I 11 never! , “ , ,, , , , leave this windy till I have a new stamp to i cheese ' ' V h > shou,d chee9e be raade put on my letter to Thomas!” | roun,i ? 1 am inclined to the belief that The clerk tried to explain again, but she I the making of cheese round is a super- brought the letter down with a thump and j station. Who had not rather buy a good square piece of cheese than a wedge- shaped chunk, all rind at one end, and • ere< i as thin as a Congressman’s excuse for voting back-pay at the other. Make said “I'll leave this letter here. It is to my Thomas in Port Huron. If lie doesn’t get it in three days you’ll hear from me and my four big girls and three sons, and when our Careful >Ir. striker. In case you want to send a box or parcel to the house the twenty-five cent express wagons are very handy things, but your directions may not always be understood. Mr. Striker had had his parcel carted all over town and then left at a police station, and once when he sent a wagon after a stove needing repairs, the man brought back a two- inch auger aud a set of harness. When he senthim back with them the driver missed the house entirely anil left the articles at a school house. Therefore, when Mr. Striker wanted to send up a parcel yesterday forenoon he ap proached ail expressman and began : “Sir, my name is Striker.'’ “ Y’es, sir.” “1 spell it S-t-r-i-k-e-r.” “ Yes, so do I.” “I live at 496 Blank street.” “ Yes, I know.” “ My house is a brick, three trees in the front yard, iron fence, bay window, stone dog in the yard, and name on the door plate.” “ Y es, sir; I can go right there,sir.” “ I want this bundle taken up,” said 11 r. Striker. '* Yes, sir.” “ Remember the place, 496 Blank street,” cautioned Mr. Striker. “Ah! hut couldn’t I drive right to the house in the darkest night of the year?” was the indignant answer as the man drove off". After driving one block he turned around and put the whip to his horse until he overtook Mr. Striker, when he called out: “ Was it 320 you told me, ’cause I was thinking of my sick wife and the number flew out of my mind.” “496, you idiot!” yelled Striker, as he wheeled around. “ Here it is on this card! ” “ Yes, sir, and I can find it like a book.” In about an hour the man appeared at the store and inquired for Mr. Sto ker, and Mr. Striker indignantly de manded if that parcel bail been deliv- family gets started on a for the biggest postoffice in America! At dark the clerk was undecided, doesn’t like to be bluffed into going do for his small change, but in the dim full he sees a solemn procession, headed by determined old lady, marching down t corridor to make a vacancy in the ranks government. , and a few extra items besides. Young ladies take a good deal of stock in classics and learn fast. When you see a young lady student from Vassar, with an absorbed look in her eyes, ami her lips moving, you un derstand at. once that she is memorizing a passage from Virgil. But perhaps :: closer inspection will reveal the fact that she is only chewing gum. A woman may not be able to sharpen a lead pencil, or hold an umbrella, but she can j ac’w more articles into a trunk than a man can into a one-horse wagon- The happiest period of woman’s life is when she is making her wedding garments. The saddest is when her husband comes home late at night, and yells to her from the front door steps to throw him out a handful of keyholes ofdiffer- ent sizes. There is some real curiosity in femi- ■s she felt to ? added morning,” she observed her ear-rimrs were safe.' “By way of the W. the court. “You may think so, but I shall take sup per in Ann Arbor to-night," she calmly remarked as she picked up the trail of her dress. When last seen she apple on the front seat in an omnibu; making up faces at an old woman o other side of the street, but perliaj readied Ann Arbor all riirht. fro; Thu Match i He was a Philadelphia young man. He loved her to distraction, but her stern and vigorous pa could not tolerate the young man, so tlieir troubles from the very start seemed almost unbearable. He lived on West Walnut street, and parted liis hair straight down the middle, was gallant and good-looking, but he was ungodly and pro fane, and the stern parent, who was like wise a deacon, had forbidden him the house. But, for her sake, on the first of the year lie made such resolutions as converted him immediately into a saint, and it was a source of great solace and pride to her to catechise him every evening at tlieir stolen meetings, to learn from his own lips liis close observ ance of liis new-made vows. Last night he t<x)k her home from church, and they were shivering in the cold, dark entry, when she again questioned him aliout his new obliga tion, “for,” said she, “when pa learns that you have given up your bad habits, and do not say naughty words, I think he will relent " “Ju ia,“ he replied with warmth, squeez ing -her delicately-moulded hand with fer vor, * I am true to my word. The fellows say that I am knuckling too much to your venerable dad, but blow the fellows so long as you are happy. ” “George,” said she, reproachfully, “is not your conversation tinged with expres sions not exactly naughty, but just a little bit slang}' ?” “No, my dear,” lie responded; “for your sake I would not be guilty of words that arc regarded as off. His nibs, your dizzy old dad, is a queer old cove, and is about four times too stuffy for modern times. For you I have bulged on the boys and settled down like a brick. If he don't come down and recognize me and permit me to visit you decently, then lie's an old blue mass—" The pound of glim drops which he was about to present to her fell in a shower in the street. The dose of “blue mass" lifted him horizontally fifteen feet, and as he turned the last time before lighting in the gutter he saw the dexter leg of her vig orous pa lightly descend beside its mate. When he recovered his senses, and crawled across the roadway on his bruised knees, he thought he heard her sire exclaim : Julia, I think this match is off!” f! nine nature. For instance, I once knew a youn lady who could easily pass another one on the street without looking around to see what she had on. Poor thing! she was blind. One of the worst habits a woman can get into is a riding habit. But it is not much worse than the modern walking dress, which ladies persist in wearing on the streets. When a woman approaches the cross ing she pauses for one fleeting instant, Live* a sudden kick that would fire the envy of a Mexican mustang, and catches her train on the fly. There is no fun in kissingagiri when you know you have got to do it, and a crowd is standing by to see fair play. The best way is to lie in wait for her, and jump out when she is not expect ing it, catch her round the neck, knock her hair down, tear all the gathers out of her dress, pull her hands away from her face, have her cry, “Oh, don’t!” as you press your lips to her’s, then gooff to a quiet place and think about it. The average age of woman is about twenty-two. She never li\es to be very old. Some of them look to be well ad vanced in years, but you should no judge by appearances. If you will take the trouble to ask a woman how old she is, you will get at the real facts of the matter. And discover that she Is quite young, she seldom passes her thirtieth birth day. About that time she begins to tear out certain leaves in the family Bible. Scientific men are trying to explain why women can’t throw stones with the force and precision of tne sterner sex. This is glaring nonsense. Women may not be able to throw stones with force and precision, but they can hit the mark every time with a gridiron ora stick of stove wood. Experience has taught me that. Women, as a general thing, are very hard to manage. I know but one way to keep a woman in check. And that is to make her dress in ging ham. A Dutch saloonist, when asked why he hung a beer mug in front of his place, replied: “Don’t dot Constitu tion of the United States say, 4 hang out your banners ou dose outside walls 9 ’ so I puts mine flag on de front wall of mine shtore.” stop your cheese square and the consumer | will rise up and call you another. Another reform that might be inau gurated would be to veneer the cheese with building-paper or clapboard, in stead of the time-honored \ iece of tow el. I never saw cheese cul that I didn’t think that the cloth around it had seen ! service as a bandage on some other A Feck at the Cheese. patient. But I may have been wrong. Another thing that does not seem to be George W . Peek, of the La Crosse right, is to see so many holes in cheese. Sun, recently delivered an address be-jit seems tome that solid cheese, one tore the I\ i scon sin State Dairyman’s ■ made by one of the olil masters, with Association. The following is an ex-, holes in it—I do not accuse vou of tract from the witty document: j cheating, but don’t you feel a little Fellow Creani-a-tionisls:—In calling j ashamed when you see a cheese cut. upon me, on tbig .occasion, to °nligbt**n , and the iu»l* « -i«* the biggest part oi it 7 you upon a subject that is dear to the The little cells maybe handy for the hearts of all Americans, you have got skippers, but the consumer feels the the right man in the right place. It ■ fraud in his innermost soul. Among makes me proud to come to my old j the improvements made in the manu- liome and unfold the truths that have ■ factore of cheese, I must not forget that been folded since I can remember. It j 0 f late years the cheese does not resem- may be said by scoffers, and it lias been i ble the grindstone as much as it did said to-day, in my presence, that I years ago. The time has been when, if didn’t know enough toeven milk a cow. I deny the allegation : show me the al ligator. If any gentleman present has got a cow here with him, and a clothes- wringer, 1 will show you whether I can milk a cow or not. Or, if there is a cheese mine here handy, I will demon strate that I can runnel. The manufacture of cheese and but ter has been among the earliest indus tries. Away back in the history of the world, we find Adam and Eve convey ing their inilk from the garden of Eden, in a one-horse wagon, to the cool spring cheese factory, to be weighed in the balance. Whatever .jay be said of Adam anil Eve to their discredit in the marketing of the products of tlieir orchard, it has never been charged that! the farmer could not find his grind stone, all he had to do was to mortize a hole in the middle of a cheese, aud turn it and grind his scythe. Before the in vention of nitro-glycerine it was a good day’s work to hew off cheese enough for a meal. Time has worked wonders in cheese. “ Ah ! you are the man I was looking for! 1 couldn’t find your house Mr. Stoker.’’ “Stoker! you human hyena—my name’s Striker!” “Is it? Then I made a mistake. Striker—Striker—I'lJ remember it if it kills me. Excuse me, sir, but I never got confused before, and I’m all right now.” The man rattled away at a furious pace, and Mr. Striker saw no more of him until reaching home. The chap was waiting for him three door* below, and at once began : “ Mr. Stooks, they say you don’j live here and they won’t take the parcel.” “Stooks! Why. I'll kill you! My name is Striker!” “ Is it! Well, that beats me.” 1 Tbfc house is 4D«j. Didn’t I give you rni?~ number on a card “ Why, yes, of course. Dear me, but bow confused I am! No wonder I thought your name was Slocum instead of Sirus!” Obeying Orders. of the Signal Serri«*< The system of danger signals, adopt ed by tne United States Government, lias proved of great benefit to shipping. All along the coast are station which plainly visible signals are dis- I played, to warn ship-captains of i proaching storms. The reports of servers at the stations are required to all instances in which vessels have they stopped at the pump and put wa- j remained in port on account of official ter in tlieir milk cans. Doubtless you all remember how Cain killed his bro ther Abel because Abel would not let him do the churning. We can picture Cain and Abel driving muley cows up to the house from the pasture in the northeast corner of the garden, and Abel standing at the bars with a tin pail and a three-legged stool, smoking a meerschaum pipe and singing, “Hold the fort, for I am coming through the rye,” while Eve sat on the veranda altering over her last year’s polonaise, and winking at the devil who stood behind the milk-house singing, “I want to be an angel.” After be got thro’ milking he came up and saw Eve blush ing and he said, “Madam, cheese it,” and she chose it. But to come down to the £}resent day, we find that cheese has become one of the most important brandies of manu facture. It is next' in importance to the silver interest. And, fellow cheese mongers, you arc doing yourselves great injustice that you do not petition Congress to pass a bill to remonetize cheese. There is more cheese raised in this country than there is silver, and it warnings given. In these cases daiiger was avoided, and statistics show that disasters to shipping have been consid erably fewer since the introduction of the cautionary signals. The agricul tural interests of the country also have been greatly benefited by the daily bul letins sent to every farming district in the land by the Weather Department. These bulletins are made from tele graphic reports received at appointed centers of distribution, where they are at once printed, placed in envelopes, and addressed to designated post-offices in the district to be supplied. Each postmaster receiving a bulletin has the order of the Posmaster-General to dis play it instantly in a frame furnished for the purpose. The bulletins ieach the difierent offices, ar.d are displayed in the frames, on the average, at eleven o’clock in the morning, making about ten hours from the time the report left the chief signal officer until it appeared placarded at every centre of the farm ing population and became accessible to all classes even the most distant parts of the country. The information given on these bulletins has been found esoe is more valuable. Suppose you had not eiaUy valuable to those farmers who eaten a mouthful in thirty days, and ta ke an interest in the study of meteor- you should have placed on the table j ology. or the science of weather, and before you ten dollars stamped out of; tlie facts announced are so plain, that silver bullion on one plate and nine a „y intelligent person may profit by dollars stamped out of cheese bullion on another plate. Which would you take first? Though the face value of the nine cheese dollars would be ten per cent, below the face value of the ten silver dollars, you would take the cheese. Y’ou could use it to better ad vantage in your business. Hence, 1 say, cheese is more valuable than silver, and it should be made legal tender for all debts, public and private, except pew-rent. I may be in advance of other eminent financiers who have studied the currency question, but I want to see the time come, and I trust the day them. For instance, each bulletin now announces, for its particular district, what win Is in each month have been found most likely, anil what least like ly, to be followed by rain. Attention given to this one simple piece of infor mation will result in increasing the gains and reducing the losses of har vesting. Warnings of expected rises or falls in the great rivers are made with equal regularity, telegraphed, bul letined in frames, and also published in the newspapers, at tlie different river cities. These daily reports give the depths of water at different points in is not far distant, when 412^2 grains of! the rivers’courses, and make it easy cheese will be equal to a dollar in cod- j lor river shipping to be moored safely fish, and when the merry jingle of in anticipation of low water, when ig- slices of cheese shall be heard in every pocket. Then every cheese factory can make its own coin, money will be plen ty, everybody will be happy, and there never will be any more war. It may be asked how this currency can be re deemed ? I would have an incontro- ' flows. norance might lead to the grounding of the boats on sand-bars or mud-banks. The notices of the probable heights which freshets may reach, are followed by preparations upon the “ levees” and river banks, to guard against over- Old Billy, a North Carolinian, was, be sides magistrate, sheriff and wreckmaster, the proprietor of a country store. Like all such stores, it was the rendezvous of village loafers who clustered there every night, playing poker, generally with old Billy's clerk, and besides drinking the old man's liquor, sj»ent his money, lent them by the confidential clerk. Old Billy suspected what was going on, and came down on them suddenly one night, and before they could hide themselves, “Nehemiah,” the clerk, got “Jesse,” but was forgiven on promising to sin no more. “Nehemiah, ” said Billy, “never let a soul in again after eight o'clock." Nehe miah promised obedience; But next night the crowd was at work as usual, and Billy thought he would go down ami see how things went on. Accordingly down he went and knocked at the door. “Who's there?’’ cried Nehemiah. “It's me, Mr. , open the door.” “No; Billy told me never to let any one in after eight o'clock, and I ain't going to do it.’’ “But Nehemiah. it's me. Open tlie door one moment.” “No : none of your gammon ; you sound mightily liKe him, but it won't go down: so travel, or dod rot your hide if I don't give you a shot with this old blunderbuss, you dog-goned humbug! ” Billy waited to bear'no more, but started off like a quarter-horse, confident that Ne 4 hemiah was a reformed man, and the next d..y doubled his salary ! Curious and singular watches with still more curious and singular cases, were in former days quite generally in vogue. An English archbishop in his last will, written down three hundred years ago, says: “1 bequeath to my right reverened brother Richard, Bishop of Ely, my cane, whose head contains a watch,” Such walking canes with watches, and still more frequent ly, rings with watches, are stilj preserved in not a few of the collections of curiosi ties. One of the electoral princes of >axo- ny had a watch in his riding, saddle. Fiona persons of those days used to wear watches the form of crosses. One of these is known under tlie name of “the watch of the abbess." It was made two hundred years ago for the abbess of a convent, and on its case a number of scriptural pas sages. Another one of the same form has pagan and scriptural mottoes, and also the figures of Diana and Endymion. Tlie ladies of that time also liked to wear watches having the form of litle books, through the filigrained covers of which the watch face was visible. A Poor Little “ Doggy.” A lady carrying a small lapdog in her arms ascended the steps of a Sutter street mansion the other day and ex citedly rang the bell. “Quick!” she said earnestly to the servant girl, “tell me, is there company in your parlor?” “No mum; why?” “ Because little Bijou here is going to have a fit; has ’em every three we -ks regular, and I see one coming now. I’m afraid he'll injure himself out here on the pavement. Now if you'll only lend me your parlor until the poor darling gets through!” But the heartless servant refused, and the last seen of the lady she had hired a passing coupe and was sitting up with the driver sprinkling cologne in through tne window while Bijou was foaming at the mouth and clawing up the silk cushions inside.