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THS’ ENGAGEMENT RING
I give the back the ring thou gav’st
With words of love so fondly said.
An J vows which in a trusting heart
Awakened hopes now crushed and dead.
I deemed thee noble, kind, and true.
With honest heart as pure as gold ;
But I have found 'twas not thyself—
1 loved a man of fajtct's mould!
Take back thy gift: ’tis now to me
A worthless, desecrated thing !
Since I hare learned the faithlee.-neea
Of him who gave the jeweled ring.
Yes take it hack! I scorn to weer
This emblem of thy vain deceit!
I hate, despise, and lothe it 1 See
I fling the bauble at thy feet.
re given it back, and every tie
That ever hound my heart to thee
> severed. Yes, with joy I find
Thy chains from ell my soul—I’m f
Boarding-301133 Expariences in Washington.
At an early age, owing to the force of
circumstances and the pursuit of knowledge,
I became an inmate of one of those numer
ous mansions which form the connecting
link between a hotel and a private residence,
yet which generally possess neither the
comfort of the latter, nor the independence
of the former, stylo of living.
The personal appearance of professional
boarding-house keepers is usually one of two
sorts; the commonest being lean and angu
lar, with a decidedly vinegarish expression
of countenance; the face, ornamented with
a long and dangerously sharp nose, and
oftimes a pair of spectacles. A faded black
dress is tho usual uniform, and, as they are
seldom seen in any other, one becomes im
pressed with the idea, that they never take
it off, and that, if they ever leave this world,
they will die and be buried in it. A mourn
ful expression of countenance is often as
sumed, which takes well with innocent
young men of a serious turn of mind, as
well as with sedate elderly gentlemen;
their scale of prices likewise rise, as their
eyes an_ conversation ascend heavenward.
The second variety is exactly the reverse
of this, being moro like a female edition
of the bygono “Boniface.” A fair, fat and
forty matron ; in general, a good provider,
and kind, withal; us good nature and cn-
bonpoint usually go together. To be sure,
berjfdress is not aiwavs of the cleanest, and
her breath douytless smells of oinions; but,
ten to one, she is a motherlj' old soul, and
will care for you if you arc ill without a
thought as to your ability to pay her while
out of work. On the whole, therefore, it
is generally safe (in those respects) to choose
a fat landlady.
These varieties do not refer, of course, to
fashionable houses, but to the middle, and
by far the largest class, patronized by single
men of ordinary means.
When a small lad I was scut to a cele
brated school, a long distance from the city
in which my parents resided, and domiciled
at the house of a Mrs. McVickar, whose
sign, as hard and rusty looking as herself,
gave notice to tho passing public that pro
viding for the temporal needs of singlo gen-
tlemen, was her present occupation.
Mrs. McVickar was the relict of a cler
gyman of the place, and consequently stood
high in position, according to rural courtesy;
she thus obtained like many another in
higher walks of life, respect, not on her
own account, but through the merits of the
dead. Sho was stern, uncompromising,
and childless, possessing through life pro
bably little of the milk of human kindness.
During the three years passed with the
widow of the unfortunate McVickar, I was
so often reminded of the worthlessness of
children, that I wondered what they were
made for, or why they were not born already
“grown up,” like our first parents. Their
gormandizing habits were ever being com
mented on in my hearing, and, though
talked at for eating so much, I was still
forbidden to leave anything on my plate.
I failed to see the justice of treating one
boarder, whose bills were regularly paid,
differently from an other, simply because
he measured a foot or so less in height.
The others were not obliged to eat fat; they
could ask for food a second time, and were
helped to dessert; these privileges were
either denied me, or else so disagreeably
bestowed as to make them scarcely desira
ble. Being thus kept on short commons,
my notions concerning the difference of
meum ami tcum lvecame somewhat weak
ened, as my occasional visits to unguarded
cupboards and fruit orchards could testify.
My visits home being but semi-yearly,
my Sundays were likewise spent with tllis
grim guardian, who thus hail charge of my
spiritual as well as my temporal welfare,
she being doubtless possessed of some un
known qualities which made her equally a
fit director for the souls as for the stomachs
of young persons. She was a strict t’alvan-
ist, a firm believer in predestination, and
her religion too sacred an article to be used
on ordinary occasions; was consequently
kept carefully bottled up during the week,
to be opened on Sundays, when it over
flowed like a bottle of root-beer when the
oork is drawn. Those were days of mar
tyrdom for me, longer by far than the
longest day at school, as, after attending
“meeting” in the morning, preceded by
catechism, I was forced to remain perched
on a chair by far too high for me, with a
bible or some good book wherein the fate of
some sinful youth who, like myself, pos
sessed a fondness for green apples, and hav
ing no fear of God or a Mrs. McVickar
before bis eyes, procured sonic of the for
bidden fruit from a neighbors orchard, and
broke his neck and the Sabbath at the same
time. On the other side was set forth the
example of a model chap, who ate what was
set before him, and made no remarks if the
meat was all fat, or the hash had a hair in
it; who never asked to be helped twice, but
who piously insisted on going to church in
a snow-storm, took cold, and became an
angel the following week.
It was hard for mo to discover the advan
tages of the latter over the former ; % the first
evidently had the best time on earth, and by
my lanilhindy's creed, the future was al
ready decided. I soon learned to amuse
myself by making puzzles out of the long
words on my book, and became quite pro
ficient in constructing anagrams, while my
grim guardian nodded over her bible, think
ing me pierusing for the twentieth time the
affecting tract of the “Pairyman'y Daugh
ter. ”
During my college days, my Alma Mater
proved another Mrs. McVicker ns far as
bodily food was concerned. Indeed, most
of the practical effusions addressed to the
old dame by her children should be received
with several grains of salt: the said mater
being often a mere stepmother, and a sorry
one at that.
The students were mostly affected with a
mania for large and loose coats strangely
run to pockets, in which were smuggled
articles of diet at illegal hours. Anything
that required no cooking was eagerly sought
for; sardines, cauued fruits, oysters, lob
sters, etc. Such diet was also supposed to
contain a large proportion of brain nourish
ment and consequently the thing. Crack
ers and cheese were also in demand, and &
huge sheep-bound tome (at least it had the
appearance of one) supplied us with an an
tidote in case our feasts disagreed with our
nternal economy
As I think of nese scat*. iims, can see
*n my mind’s eye the long and cheerless re
fectory, filled with hungry youths. From
what I hear the diet has not improved, and
the same roast for Sunday’s, with vegeta
bles and rice pudding, is still in order.
Monday’s table as bare as a wash-day din
ner in a poor family and a “square meal”
not given till Friday, which day was de
voted to the finny tribe. Saturday, a din
ner of all sorts, a rehash of the week, en
abling one to appreciate by contrast the
plain but substantial fare the following day.
On going into the world, 11 warded among
other places at the home of a widow who
rejoiced in tne appropriate name of Stintem.
“Terms invariably in advance. No ladies,
children or dogs admitted.” That is, only
unprotected single gentlemen were taken in
and done for at this model establishment.
Mrs. Stintem, like Lady Macbeth, pre
served her dignity and presence of mind on
all occasions, and under the most trying
circumstances. She wore astonishing caps,
and her “make-up” was apparently copied
from some long-forgotten fashion in the
Ladies Book.” Her dignity, as I have
before stated, was profound, and of such a
practical nature, that few of her five-and-
twenty boarders would have dared to utter
a remonstrance, had their meals failed to
appear for a week. A look was generally
enough to awe the most rebellious to silence.
Her table was bountifully supplied with j
linen, glass and silver ware. We were
waited on by sable male attendants, arrayed
in spotless white, while the food (what
there was of itj was cooked in the most
approved style, and served up, hotel fash
ion on tiny dishes, so that each boarder's
plate resembled an old hen with a brood of
chickens around her. Notwithstanding the
increased outlay in crockery, it was an
economical arrangement, for so little was
served in the dishes that the Iwarders arose
from the table with the assurance of having
followed Franklin's advice, and left the
he culprit, I said nothing, but procured a
patent lock in place of the common affair
already on the door, and chuckled to myself
over the disappointment Bridget would ex
perience should she again attempt to take a
of Women in
After nearly breaking my neck in the
unfamiliar regions of the back yard I found
some undrinkable water, thence to a neigh
boring restaurant where I procurred a more
refreshing beverage and sat reading the
papers till bed-time.
The next day I politely stated the facts
to my host, supposing that there was some
mistake, but, to my surprise, was brusquely
informed that if his house did not suit, I
could leave. “Ilis was a quiet Christian
home. I had my room to sit in like the
others. He fed and lodged his guests, and
table with an appetite. We could not well told - merely took a few boarders “for com
complain of lack of food ; the pile of platos
emptied by us would seem to give the lie to
such an assertion.
My next landlady was noted for having
soothed the dying pillow of three husbands,
and was supposed to lie anxiously waiting
a f Hymen’s torch to enkindle the flame for
fourth sacrifice to her charms. Her
worldly estate not having increased with
her providers, she was forced to resort to
the method of earning a living so often re
sorted to by ladies in dilHculties.
I had dexterously managed to procure a
seat next to hers at the table, as past ex
perience bus taught me the advantage of
this position ; a little attention towards the
presiding genius of the house, who rules her
fellow creatures through the medium of
their stomachs, goes a great ways in these
modern caravansaries. The bread I thus
cast upon the waters, was returned to me
in the shape of hot cakes and tea of undi
luted strength whenever I was late at my
meals, a favor not accorded to many under
such circumstances.
But I fell into disgrace at last. My mat
tress feeling unusually hard even for £
l)oarding house article, I examined it, and,
by the aid of my penknife, removed several
good sized oom cobs, which the upholsterc
had not deemed necessary' to remove. For
this wanton destruction of property, I lost
my post of honor and its privileges, and,
shortly after found another home. I kept
one of the cobs however, converting it into
a pipe, w’liich I smoked in memory of
injured landlady.
After some months, dnring which tune I
had experienced a few changes, I found
myself partaking ot my daily bread at the
house of a Mrs. Wand. It wasby no means
a first-class establishment; I was not pre
pared to seek the best, yet the change was
for the better, from the elegant starvation
at Mrs. Stintem’s to the excessive prodigal
ity at Mrs. B's. There was plenty of food,
coarse, hut clean, linen, fat cooking ami a
fat landlady.
Everything seemed to run to fatness, the
favorite method of cooking being “frying,”
piles of l>eef cut in slices the thickness of
paste board were set swimming in a sea of
melted lard, where they were cooked to a
toughness that would have disgusted an os
trich. This formed the basis of even* meal,
and they were so nearly alike that hut for
the time of day I could not have told
whether it was supper, dinner or breakfast
I was eating.
My excessive delicacy caused me to leave
the house of this worthy lady. One day at
dinner desiring a fork to assist myself to a
piece of the above mentioned delicacy, my
landlady, with the air of a dutchess, after
removing the superfluous gravy from hers
by means of her lips, presented it to me;
and on assuring her that I could not think
of depriving her of so useful an instrument
would have forced me to accept it had I not
sought refuge by flight
My next trial proved successful as far as
table accommodations were concerned, and,
had I fareil as well by night as by day, all
would have been well; as it was, I was so
afflicted by those little pests which natural
ists (with their fondness for long names)
style Cimcx lectularius, that I nightly
dreamed of “Saint Lawrence and his grid
iron.” After being phlebotomized as long
my constitution would bear it, I engaged
lx>ard at the house of an Irish tailor for a
few weeks or until such time as a room I
had engaged could l>e made ready for me.
Michael Dennison lived pretty well when
trade was good, or, to use liis own technical
phrase, when the “goose was hot and cab
bage plenty. ” But the goose often hung
high and cold in the shop, ami as that use
ful bird went up, the fare came down. It
was a change, however, and the cooking
was passable with the exception of the cof
fee and tea; but as my host was a great
lover of malt liquors, 1 made up in good ale
what I lost in more temperate beverages.
Michael was generally “half seas over” by
bed time, w’hen trade was good; and at
such times became unusually pious and
would insist on whispering spiritual conso-
ation intol niv ear which was anything but
agreeable.
Owing to sickness in his family I left my
comical host, with more regret than I had
left more pretentious places, and took fur
nished appartments in a “genteel family”
rbo kept no boarders, procuring meals at
restaurants. Having added a few articles
of furniture, my room room soon had a very
comfortable appearance. To be sure, there
rcre some little troubles, at first, but I soon
corrected them. For instance, the soap,
after the manner of the lodging-house article
had a tendency to slip through mv hands as
if resenting such familiarity; at last it
slipped out of the window, where I left it,
and procured some of another kind.
The bureau-drawers also had a decided
objection to closing, and, when closed, to
open again without endangering the whole
structure: but a little patience and sweet
oil soon remedied this difficulty also.
But, alas! there was a closet in my room
and it is said that eveiy closet contains a
skeleton ; the key of mine I carried in my
pocket, as I kept several valuables, as well
as refreshments therein. I was, therefor,
surprised to find, one evening that some
unknown party had abstracted a half bottle
of choice liquor from it
Suspecting that one of the servante was
The Golden Rule: “Do ye unto
drink at my expense.” I others as ye would that others should
A week after I was surprised by a similar ! do unto you,” often shortened to the
visit; none of the solids had been disturbed homely phrase : “Do as you would be
but some wine was missing. | done bv.” displays in great Drominenee
• wkT? ! ,e .. a T ™, nnin ?.'! enCb Wb0 C * n r 1 ‘he fact in human nature,'that what-
pick that lock,” I thought to myself. “I .
must interview the lass.” j ever we ref l mre we are under certain
I did so, but could detect nothing sus- obligations to supply. Continual ask-
picious by the mo9t careful cross-question-; ing, with a total absence of giving,
ing. j forms that “one sided” system drolly
Eveiy day something of the kind was sa id to be “like the handle of a jt&.”
taken; I made sure of the fact by marking i and it doe9 uot neo the wis<lom of a Sol _
IheirTontenU a “ d "" he ' b ' ht ° f oraon to understand that any such sys-
I felt piqued. I did not begrudge fur-! te “‘- ho " -ver well it may work for a
nishing my unknown guest with refresh-; must eventually fall into disfavor
ments so much as being outwitted; so, to and failure.
let the thief know I was aware of their These suggestions which may seem
depredations, I arranged a trap so that in to nmnv ¥1 . ry trite bave t i leiror i S in in
opening the door a board would fall and .. , . ...
break a glass | a act of considerable importance—none
Robinson Crusoe was no more astonished lbu ^ ess important , probably, because
at beholding the foot-prints in the sand, very many do not recognize it, &v.d
than I wa3, when, on my return and spring- still others who do recognize it blindly,
ing my own trap, I discovered that the fail to understand-the whole omen in-
best part of a bottle of Concord wine had volved. The women of Ameiica are
» apiDropriafed by my mysterious visitor. | dl ,ally it is to be feared, plac.ng
“The deuce,” I ejaculated. “Hiere f. , . . , . . 1 ®
must lie thirsty ghosts in the house.” | l * ,emse ^ ves In a ba * se P os,l, on. If they
While gazing in astonishment at my 11 Like heed to their steps, tlicy
emptied bottles: I noticed a crack in the raa 7 emerge with a loss of what to
wall between the shelves, the figure of the them is very dear and indeed (in their
paper with which it was covered having dea) indispensable. Because we do not
bid it before. I examined it more closely, wisIl them to work blindly wheil Ule
and found the back of the closet to be a ... .
wooden partition and that a small window, i > 3 s ° <^'>3' *>'ppl<cd, and became
such as are often found in china closets, had we ' lo no ‘ wish the very loveliest body
formerly existed, and probably coramuni- of women on earth to place themselves
cated with the adjoining room. I after- too declaredly in a false position from
wards found that my visitor was no less a which thev can only retreat with Io«s,
person than my landlord, who had an un- fec , ,j' ke j a few words, in-
fortunate fondness for strong waters. ‘ ,, , 7. , . ,
Disapproving ol such a romantic style of Le " ,U ' d enl,reIj ' for thelr be,ll ' flt -
communication with my bed-room, 1 soon We have said that they are “the y°jy
left the house and was recommended to loveliest body of women on earth”—
that of one Deacon Happy, who, I was the women of America. (We do not
, „ .. , . use the hackueved fashionable word,
pany s sake, as lus family consisted but of , ... _ „ , * , . , , ,, ‘
J •, „ ir „ i ... - , . “ladles, 7 because we consider that the
himself and wife. ( ailing to make inquir-1 .
ies, I found the family at dinner, and, de- I otner at once conve . vs am * covers so
spite my protestations I was forced to m »ich more.) There can be no doubt
remain and partake, that I might know of the justice of the claim here made
what sort of fare to expect should I become for them. As a body, anil an average,
“their guest. ’ I found it so good that the women of America, all classes be-
before the dessert was brought in I W inJ conaidered,are not only in a,Ivan, c
decided to muke one of their festive board; ,, . . . r ..
and, the terms being agreed on, I arranged " ‘heir sisters of any other nation on
to send my things the next day, my host '' ,e but tIie Y are actually beyond
assuring me that I would have the “com-! l * ie ran £ e of comparison. Certain
forts of a Christian family,” and that he classes in some of the European coun
left not a stone unturned to render liis j tries, may claim to have very nearly
boarders pleased and contented. He dwelt, tho game standard of attractiveness;
eonsiderabiy on tins point, seeming to con-1 but t0 ( . cr taln classes onlv can the
aider it his dutv as u deacon, to keep young ! , • , .
men by these means from the temptations ' clim " , any hope of sue-
they might otherwise be exposed to; anil I ce8s * * le daughters oi the aristocracy
fondly imagined that I hail at last found the j England, with nurture of the ni£>t
lt nr. plus ultra'' of boarding houses. j careful, health-preserving opportuni-
I moved there the next day, and, having ties of the most enviable, and all the
gone out after dinner, returned, tired and surroundings of life that can be con-
overheated from a long walk; being about; , idered , ls advantages, certainly pi t-
to enter the parlor, 1 perceived that the i , , N .
folding doors Stood open and that the hack -° m ’ " 1 “'“ ^ 111 “' e I urk or ,ho b!,:i
room was used as a bed-chamber, bv mv r >OD ‘- a wonderful array of loveliness;
host; indeed, his wife was then busiiy en- j bl,t even they could scarcely it aetm
gaged in some mystery of the toilette. Re- !' ly, hold rank with a v«sry much low-
treating to the dining-room, I found it in - las*; of American women, if the lap
darkness aud evidently n<>t 1*- us«-d iih haTthe same advantages of dress ami
morning Intercepting the servant who | personal ornamentation ; and their sis-
was about leaving the house, I i:.ade known !, , . . , .
my wants ' ters * l° WPr down in the scale, cannot
“’Deed, sir,” she replied, “de gemmen hc l,amed in t,ie same connection. Old
alius sets in dere rooms or on de steps ; ! travelers on the continent of Europe,
missus has de parlors to herself.” j say that in one place—the Jardina Co-
“But my room is too small and warm, j vi, at Milan, in Italy, the array of
and the sun shines hot out on the steps, I loveliness is sometimes bewilderin
replied.
“Dat’s so, sir; but you kin set here in de J
hall; only you mus’nt use tobacco, de ‘dea-
A Noted Frontierxman.
make the American men, as an a>
age, more chivalrous than lie was atj “Do you know to whom Holland refer-
the former period. And yet he pays ! red in his character, Belcher, in ‘Seven
less respect to unknown womanhood. ° a k* s ?
Why?
Simply because the American wom
an, petted beyond any of her sisters in
the other parts of the world, has taken
in somothing too much of belief in the
goildess ship ascribed to her by her
male admirers. It has became some
thing of a habit with her, to receive
the courtesies extended, as a matter of
course. She does not meet those cour
tesies with enough of her own, so
easily extended, and so valued by any
one w ho will take tli trouble to be
chivalrous towards her. She takes,
somewhat too much as a matter of
course, the seat given her in car, stage
or public assembly; and she takes i‘
most of the time, without evidencing
any appreciation of the fact, that tho
gentleman making room for her, or in
any other way smoothing her path to
one of comfort, makes any sacrifice in
»doing.
He dees make a sacrifice, very often
a sacrifice that he would be very slow
to make, except to the representative
“No. Do you?”
“( ’olonel Sam Colt. Holland and I were
school--fellows and friends, always, or I
should never have known. ”
“How strange!” I exclaimed. I knew
some of the other characters; Benedict, for
instance. ”
“Where did you meet him ?”
“On the Cowlitz river, near its junction
with the Columbia, Washington territory.
He is no less a personage than the lineal
descendant of Sir William Wallace, the
Scottish chief.
“Col. Colt's character I think very fairly
represented in Belcher. How about Wal
lace’s in Benedict?”
“Excepting in his excessive modesty, not
at all. I think to-day he is as bashful as
school-girl; but no one can make his a<
quaintance without being impressed that he
is a fitting representative of his famous an
cestors—powerful in body and mind, brave
and generous.”
“Had he a sister?”
“Yes, highly educated and possessing all
the graces and accomplishments of mind
and person that Mrs. Dillingham personi
fied, and w-as a wealthy widow at the time
referred to. In 1863 I spent some months
in Mr. Wallace’s family and learned some
of the beautiful sex from whence came ! of his history from tile family and neigl:
con won't allow dat. ”
“Confound the deacon!” I exclaimed.
“Get me a glass of water, and here’s a dime
for your trouble.”
“Deed I can't, sah; de ice all done
melted; dere's a hydrant in de back yard
though, l’se in a hurry, I is, to get home. s ,
Good-evening, sail,” and, so saying, thi8 | aud amusement, are never encumber-
home-loving maid of all work, departed. ' “ 1 * *
even to an American eye, and that
hundred upon hundred of girls and
young women may there be seen, each
capable of giving a heart-ache to the
impressible. But the wisest of these
observers take notice, ami make a com
ment of the fact, that the Milan, segirls
on these occasions of evening resort
ed with the concealing if not disfigur
ing bonnet that they simply wear the
Spanish mantilla, tlirt the Spanish fan,
and so enjoy all the advantages tuey
may possess in the way of hair and
shape of head, in addition to what
American girls could show of thebeau-
y of eyes, play of feature, and grace
fulness of figure.
Undoubtedly, the American women
are, as an average the handsomest in
the world—beyond question, so up to
prayed for their spiritual welfare; that was I ^ east middle life and the changes
all he engaged to do; but he would rent i consequent upon maternity. Undoubt-
me a cooler room for fifteen dollars addi-I ed ly the men of America, as regards
tional.” j the treatment of women, are the most
“But I cannot afford that, sir, neither
can I see to read on the steps after dark.”
‘That is none of my affair; I offer yon
the advantages of a Christian *’
“Christian fiddlesticks!” I abruptly re
torted. “It is such Christians as you, sir,
that send young men to the devil, compel
ling them to resort to the streets for company
and recreation.”
That is-none of my business,” he re
peated. “And,” continued this exemplary
host, “I will thank you to refrain from
using profane language in my presence.’’
“Seeing that you have so much respect
for his Satanic majesty, may he send you
your next boarder,” I replied, and though
late in the day, 1 immediately packed my
trunk and took refuge in a hotel where I
intend to remain until I give up boarding
;ethcr and have a home of my own.
The plague fright at Berlin has recalled
the extraordinary precautions taken during
the cholera epidemic of 1831. A cord was
drawn in front of houses supposed to be
infected. The key9 were given to a police
agent, who three or four times a day went
hat tho inmates wanted. lie then
placed what he brought them on a table
„ T _ be J?^; notable’falling off in the chivalrous
treatment accorded to women uirtniswa
by those inales who chanced to be fl ing
thivalrous of any other race now liv
ing, not only as among the shades of
the country, or exceptionally in the
South and the Far West, where the ro
mantic is supposed to have a more
abiding hold than in the Commercial
East aud its chief cities. New York,
Philadelphia, Boston and the others
approaching them In size and import
ance. Nowhere else on the earth, are
women expected to do so little in the
way of earning the bread to be eaten;
nowhere else are they considered en
titled to so inevitable a “front seat” in
• very place of public amusement or
mode of conveyance. More than an
where else in the world, ill the Amer
ica of the closing nineteenth ceqtury,
U the lifted hat or he a pole get! a word
so common ; nowhere else is the softest
half of humanity considered so unim
peachably the nobler half, to be guard
ed, yielded to and comparatively wor
shipped.
And yet, the truth must be toli^frtie
last ten years, and even more than the
last ten, the last five, have witnessed a
his mother, his sister, his wife. He
may be sixty and gray haired; or he
may be thoroughly wearied after a
day of iutense toil; and when he leaves
his seat in car or coach, or performs
any other of the kindly offices due from
anhood to womanhood he is very
likely to be making a sacrifice, and to
do so in the hope, at least, that some
kind word, some pleasant smile, or at
least a nod of approbation, may reward
him for it; and if, year after year, he
finds that his kindness is merely receiv
ed as a matter of course, he will prove
himself quite removed irora the line of
ordinary manhood, if he doc9 not cool
in his chivalry and resolve to keep what
seems to be worth so little to the person
accepting it.
Women af America! We have clear
ly stated our conviction that you are,
as a race, the loveliest on earth. We
have, later, clearly stated our knowl
edge that gradually the males of your
race, the most chivalrous on the globe,
have tired of paying you the extreme
devotion once accorded. Now we
state the concluding fact, that thd fault
is your own. You hold yourselves too
high, even if not higher than your hus
bands and lovers held you at the be
ginning. Help the men of America to
keep their old statutes, by receiving
tiieir courtesies with somewhat fewer
of the airs of the throned queen, some
what more of the grace and graceful
words and actions of womanhood.
Your treatment cannot be otherwise
than good, except under the most un
fortunate circumstances; let your con
duct deserve that and more, and you
*iii be the u*»il the
most beautiful.—Oar Second Century.
put into a glass full of vinegar, and the
agent took it out with a spoon. The paper
on which the commissions were written
down he took up with pincers. When a
sick person was taken to the hospital a
police agent preceded the vehicle with a
bell, and two soldiers kept every one away
from the sick person. Tho doctors wore
cloaks and masks of oil-cloth. The skin of
dogs and cats being deemed particularly
favorable to the dissemination of the dis
ease, persons were recommended to kill
them, except where they were positively
necessary. For months the inhabitants
lived in trepidation, and an old lady actu
ally banged herself for fear of the cholera
reaching her. The precautions gradually
became matters for ridicule.
—Of the $45,000,000 fractional cur
rency issued, there remains outstand
ing about $16,000,000 of which amount
about 2 000,000 is three anu five cents.
It is now estimated that there will ul
timately be redeemed onlv $4,000,000 of
this $16,000,000, leaving $12,000,000 as
a profit to the Government—that
amount being los 1- or destro3*ed.
Scientijlc people have come to the
conclusion that ozone is an energetc
poison.
into contact with them. The occupied
seat is not so frequently given up by
the gentleman in car and stag?, as it
was five or ten years ago; the effort is
not so general a one, to save the lady
from having to bear any of the bur
thens of travel or society. Some lave
blindly recognized the fact; some lave
refused to notice it; some have deter
minedly denied it, yet the f«ctremains;
and the best lovers of womanhood ad
mitting it, set themselves to disover
what it means.
It is not. certainly, that we are is a
people, worse mannered than we verc
ten oi twenty years ago. Bynoraians.
The general tone of manners has ina-
teiially bettered. There are moregen-
tlerneu in any given circle, than tiere
were at either of the times noted. (For
eign travel, better education, the pres
ence of the better class of foreigners
among us, the possession of more
wealth and more of the polished Inbits
of wealth, all these have combined to
Superior Abilitlos-.
Now there abideth these things,
which every man can do better than
any one else:
Poke a fire.
Put oh his own hat.
Edit a newspaper.
Tell a story after another man has
begun it.
Examine a railroad time table.
Did you never notice that if you
open a railroad guide and begin to look
for some particular train, that some of
ficious man in the crowd will spring
up and lay his great thumb right over
the column your train is in, and try to
find you the night express on the
Chicago, Burlington and Quincy, by
roaming up and down a column head-
accommodation, ” in the Illinois
Central side of the page? And you
t bluff him off either. A few days
ago, a quiet looking min on the W;
bash railroad called the train boy and
asked him for a railroad guide for a
moment. Then he began to examine
the columns, and a very busy-looking
man behind him leaned over the seat
and said:
“What train are you looking for?
Where do want to go? I can find it
lor you R your not much accustomod
to this sort of thing.
The stranger thanked him and said
» was looking up some of the connec
tions of the Wabash Railroad, and he
guessed he could find what he wanted.
The busy man immediately took hold
of the guide and pulled it away from
him.
You’ll never find it looking that
wav,” he said; “now, tell me where
you want to go. 1 know hearty all the
connections ^f this road. 1 travel over
this line twice every sixty days.”
After a vain effort to get his guide
book, the stranger reluctantly yielded,
and the busy man looked down the col
umn of “ticket fares*’ and ascertained
that the stranger’s train reached Dan
ville at $4.76, and then he looked down
the column of distances and discovered
that the connecting train for Vin-
cenues left at 6584. Then he handed
the guide back to the stranger, and
leaned back in his seat with the air of
a Christian, unselfish man, who had
at some trouble to himself, of course,
set a bewildered wayfarer right. The
stranger thanked him quietly and with
every appearance of profound grati
tude.
“Oh,” said the man loftily, “that’s
all right; these railroad guides are all
Greek to people who aint accustomed
to railroading.”
By and by the stranger went into the
other coach, and the busy man, notict
ing the respectful demeanor of the
break man as ne passed out, called to
the employe and asked:
“Who is that man?”
“Mr. H. C. Townsend,” said the
brakeman, “the general passenger and
ticket agent of this road.”
And the busy man looked straight
out of the car window a long, long
time, and every time the train-boy
went by shouting “railroad guides!”
he turned pale and shuddered.
bora. Wallace bail an inventive mind. At
the age of eighteen he supposed he had dis
covered perpetual motion. He called the
proprietor of an eastern machinery depot at
midnight to witness his triumph, who, on
inspecting his machine, exclaimed: “By
Jove, you've got it.” Wallace laughed
alxjut his early hunt and said that when any
man could hold himself by lifting at his
own boot straps that man had a reasonable
hope of discovering perpetual motion.
“In 1847 he married a beautiful Scotch
lass and crossed the continent to Fort Walla
Walla, but continued his journey to Oregon
just in season to escape the Wheatland mas
sacre. He soon took the advantages offered
by the government and became one of the
few who made the settlement of the Cowlitz
river; and soon after became the engineer
of the first steamboat ever run on the
Columbia river, the Bell. Though exposed
at all times to the dangers of a frontier life,
he never courted the friendship of the In
dians, but, on the contrary, treated them
with open, haughty contempt. But a short
time previous to the great Indian massacre
of ’56 he ordered a chief, who was erecting
a wigwam on his ranche, to leave. The
Indian obe}*ed, but with threats of speedy
revenge on the Boston man. A few day. 1
after he was warned to flee to the block
house for safety. He paid no attention to
the warning further than to put his own
house in order.
The great massacre commenced, and the
whirlwind of death passed him on either
side, but no band of savages dared molest
the Boston chief, who, ensconced in his
own house on the hank of the river, sur
rounded only by his own family, armed
with weapons of his own invention—the
famous revolver partly perfected—laughed
at all their threats. Two miles east of his
house abruptly terminate the rich bottom
lands of the Columbia and commence the
Cascade Mountains, the most inaccessible
part of the rocky range. Mount St. Helens
looks (down on them shrouded in everlasting
snows. From these mountain !atrs, tirars,
mountain lions, catamounts and other wild
beasts constantly prowl about the fields and
pastures of the settlers. Soon after the
massacre referred to, while Mr. Wallace
was prostrated with rheumatism, he heard
a neighbor's hunting dog barking in the
edge of the woods not far from his house. ”
“Asking his boy, Leander, to carry his
rifle he took two canes and hobbled out to
where the supposed bear was treed. The
moss, which on the Columbia bottoms cov
ers trees from limb to limb, prevented his
seeing his game till he arrived immediately
beneath, when he saw. looking sharply at
the dog, a catamount of the largest size.
Stepping along a few feet, he took the rifle
from his lioy’s hand and turned to the tree.
The catamount soon changed its position,
presenting a fair mark. He carefully aimed
and fired. The catamount sank out of
sight in the moss, hut did not fall. Drop
ping his rifle and drawing his hunting knife,
he turned to his boy and said: “Leander,
we shall have a dead catamount or the big
gest fight you ever saw in less than a min
ute.” He had a dead catamount. 1 might
talk all night of his adventures, but think
we had better turn in. ”
“But the revolver! Did Wallace
make anything out of it?”
“Not up to ’63. His wife told me he
was too diffident to approach Col. Colt on
the subject.”
“You say this Wallace is the - lineal de
scendant of Sir William Wallace, tbe Scot
tish chief?”
“Yes. While I was there a younger
brother came from Massachusetts bringing
the escutcheon or patent of nobility,
consisted simply of a piece of parchment
covered with raised figures representing
feats at arms and deeds of justice. The
only words legible were, ‘To the name of
Wallace’ and the signature of the king.
The parchment was yellow with the age of
ten centuries, and the words almost hiero
glyphics. It was given the family long
before Sir William made the family name
immortal. This ancient document and the
secret of its possession are almost equally
well preserved. It was received from the
aged father with emotions of awe: and had
I not been an inmate of the house at the
time I should probably never have known
of its existence or of Mr. Wallace’s famous
ancestors.
A Gambling Family.
—The Newark, (N. J.) papers pub
lish a listof tax delinquents comprising
5824 names. This list is to be publish
ed once a week for six weeks, each pa
per receivlngOO for the $20 publication.
All of the brothers Fox—Charles,
James and Stephen—were desperate
gamblers. Charles Fox played admir
ably at whist and piquet—with such
skill, that at Brooke’s, along about
1772, it was generally admitted he
ght have made £4,000 a year, as
they calculated, at^those games, if he
had confined himself to them. But his
misfortune arose from playing pure
games of chance, particularly faro.
After eating and drinking freely, he
sat down at the faro table, and invaria
bly rose a loser- Once, and only once,
he won about £8,000 in the course of a
single evening. Part of the money he
paid away to his creditors, and the
other he lost almost immediately. Be
fore he had attained his thirtieth year
he had completely dissipated every
thing he commanded or could procure
by the most ruinous expedients. Top-
ham Beauelerc, who lived much in
Fox’s society, affirmed that no man
could lorm an idea of the extremities
to which hc has been put to raise
money after losing his last guinea at
the faro table. He was reduced, for
several days to such distress, as to bor
row money from the club waiters. Tho
very chairmen who earned him to
Brooks’s he was unable to pay and
ment that had fed the flame was long
consuued; yet then be occupied
house or lodging in St. James street
close to Brooke’s and passed at th
club almost every hour that was not
devoted to the House of Commons.
Brooke’s was then the rallying point
or rendezvous ot the opposition, where,
while laro. whist and supper prolong
ed the night, the principal members oi
the minority in both houses met to
compare their information, or to con
cert or mature their measures. Great
sums were borrowed of Jews at ex
orbltant premiums. Fox called his
ante-room, where the Jews waited till
he rose, “the Jerusalem Chamber.
The ruling passion of Charles was
owing to the lax training of his father,
who by his lavish allowances fostere
Iris propensity for play. According to
Chesterfield, the first Lord Holland
‘had no fixed principles in religion or
morality.” He gave full swing to
Charles in his youth. “Let nothing br
done,” said his lordship, “to break hi
spirit, the world will do that for him.
When his lordship died, in 1774, he left
Charles, £154,000 to pay Ins debts,
was all signed away and Charles was as
deeply pledged as before. Fox once
played cards with* Fitzpatrick
Brookes’, from ten o’clock at night to
six o’clock the next afternoon, a waiter
standing by to tell them “whose deal ii
was,” they being too sleepy to know
Another time, Fox having won and a
certain bond creditor presenting hi
self for payment, was coolly received
‘impossible sir,” said Fox, “I mus
first discharge my debts of honor.
The bond creditor remoustrated
“Well, sir, give me your bond,
was delivered to him, and tearing it to
pieces he threw it in the fire. “Now
sir,” he said, “my debt to you is a debt
of honor,” and he immediately paid
the man. Walpole notes that in the
debate on the thirty new articles, Feb
ruary 6, 1774, Fox did not shine. ‘Nor
could it be wondered at; he had sat uf
playing at hazzard, at Almack’s, from
Tuesday evening the 4th, till 5 in tho
afternoon of Wednesday, the 6th. Ar.
hour before he had recovered £12,00C
which he had lost, and by dinner, which
was at 5 o’clock, he had ended by losing
£11,000. Ou tho Thursday bespoke in
the above debate, went to dinner 11.30
at night: from thence to White’s,
where he drank till seven o’clock the
next morning; thence to Almack’s,
where he won £6.000, and between 3
and 4 o’clock he set out for New Mar
ket.” His brother Stephen lost £11,-
000 tho night after, and Charles £10,000
more on the 13tb, so that in the three
nights the three brothers, the oldest
but twenty-five, lost £32,000.
A Greeu Hand-.
One of the plumbing establishments
of Danbury took a new jour the pther
day. He was from a hamlet over In
New York State, a little hamlet where
ho had w'orked with his father. The
day after his arrival there was a burst
in the water pipe of a house on Pine
street. He was told to go over there
and attend to it.
Seeing the owner of the house in the
shop, he went up to him and got the
particulars of the break, and then he
made ready his tools and started.
Just as he w*as passing out of the
door the propietor saw him.
“Where are you going?” lie almost
screamed.
The new man told him.
“Do you mean to tell me that you
are going up there to fix that pipe
without examining it?” he gasped.
“Why I am going to look at it when
I get there,” said the new man.
“Merciful heavens!” ejaculated his
employer catching hold of his desk to
s ipport himself. “Can it be possible
hat you would do a job at one visit?
Don’t you know your trade any better
than that? Have you no pride in your
business? Why you’d ruin the entire
community in less than a year.” And
the speaker burst into tears.
As soon as he grew calmer he ex
plained to the new man that lie should
first visit the house, make a thorough
examination ot the building, get the
lay of the street, find the location ol
the nearest hydrant, go up to the root
of the house, and then return thought
fully to the shop for his tools, keep.ug
an accurate record of the time.
Sh« Licked Him.
“Now, Mrs. Roosmyer,” said his
Honor, “what do you want a warrant
for?**
“For a husband so much I know.”
“What’s he been doing ? ’
“I licked him.”
“You licked him!”
“I licked him. Und I got right py
dose.”
“How do you make that out?”
“Ven I told you then you find out.
I fix his dinner so he go py his vork.
Then he catch his hand pehint, and say
he got a pain in his pack. So he lie
down on the lounge und groan like he
was very pad. Ven he feel better it
vas too late to go py his vork, •» o he say
he gom to the greek und catch some
fish. He don’t goome paca before it
was night], und all the fish vac he got
vas a meeserable leedle pull-head what
you couldn’t gound; put he smell like
some petr-barrels more ash d wendy
dimes. Und den he say:
What for supper aind ready?”
I tell him, ‘you sphlitsome of dote
fire-wood und I dalk mit you.* Then
he catch py his arm and scream :
•Oh ! I gat the roomatics!’ ”
‘So you can’d splilit some wood?”!
suy.
Neln; oli! dose roomaticks! dose
roomaticks!’ he kept on frying
Then I w&s madder as you dink.
Und I say : ‘Ven you told uic you got
a bain in your pack, I say noting. Und
ouf you got dooble up on acccund you
got some of dose roomaticks, I say It
vas all righd. Put py golly, #uf you
don’t got dose bain in the pack untf
dot roomaticks vat don’t goome only
ven you got some vork to do, tnen I
lick you on sighd.’”
Very well, if you licked him what
do you want a warrant for?”
On account he shall be locked up
How a Baby and a Han Had a Circus*
Mrs. Oxtobv went shopping, yester
day, and left her' baby with Mrs. Ar
chibald to be taken care of, and it was
sitting on the floor very happy, with
playthings galore, when Harry came
in.
•'Hello, ole gal! made a raise, have
you? Phweet! Phweet! Say young
fellow, how’s your colic?” The baby
made no response of an intelligle char
acter, and Utnry sat down and stared
at it.
•‘Babies is queer things, now aint
they? Just see that imbecile tryin’ to
chew the potato-masher.—Now he’s
takin’ a taste of the stove lifter. That’s
a fine old mustache you’ve made across
your mug, now ain’t it? Gosh ! hello!
here, old woman, quick. The young
un’s swallow ed half a yard of the pok
er.”
Henry rescued the poker, and in do
ing so, upset the baby and its temper.
The back of its head was bumped, and
it howled, and Henry got a thirty-six
pound love pat alongside the ear. und
the baby was suspended again and the
kinks taken out of its temper with a
poultice of bread and molasses, so quick
that the old man thought he hai got
into a humming toy factory. Then
Henry let the baby alone and looked at
the old woman picking chickens. The
baby wanted some of the feathers, and
he reached ft a handful, half of which
it Immediately spread on the bread aud
mulasses. and the rest it struck around
its mouth and Smiled through the
adornment like a cock-eyed parrot
with the delirium tremens, but it look
ed dreadful happy. Then it put some
feathers in its mouth, and rubbed the
bread and molasses over his bald head
cooed like a two weeks old wife, and
next it turned purple all over and
squirmed till its face looked like an old*
gum boot that had been eating green
persimmons.
“I don’t believe this young one likes
feathers along with his grub.” said
Henry, reflectively, and Mrs. A. turn
ed round on him like a volcano that
was sick at the stomach.
“Oh, you w-r-r-eteh,” and he wasn’t
sure whether she hit him on the ear or
top of the head, it was done so quick.
Then 6he grabbed up the incipient Ox
tobv and ran her finger down his throat
as though it were a stocking and she
wanted to turn it inside out.
“There,” she exclaimed, as she held
up three feathers and waved them me
nacingly before her bosom’s lord, “see
what you’ve done! For half nothing
at all I’d take’n ram them down your
fool throat. Hera, see if von can hold
this child a minute without killing it,
till J get a towel,” and she plumped
the young one on his knee and went up
stairs.
Ra y cooed and kicked^ and gqt hold
of Henry’s finger, iViajHc
with great care, and then put it in its
uiouth. Then Henry ripped out a sig
nal of distress that scared the baby stiff
as a telegraph pole.
“Quit hollerin’ at that child that
way?” shouted Mrs. A. from upstairs.
‘Do you want to scare it to death ?”
Scare thunder! It’s me that’s a
scarin’. Si ppoee I want my fingers
taken off for liver puddin’ and eat by a
cannibal baby?”
Then he added to the child : “Here,
old fellow. I’ll give you something to
chew on. Pussv, pussy, pus*,” and he
lilted the cat on his lap, the young one
Tabbed it’s tail, inserted it in his
mouth and shut down on it. The cat
wore and spit, and sunk about twenty
laws at once into Henry’s leg.
O-u-c-h! Bloody murder! Take
him off!” and as the agonized man
leaped to his feet he shot baby into the
coal scuttle and kicked the cat over the
stove into the buckwheat cake-batter.
He had just opened his nio.itii for a
whole-sale swear, when he got a
glimpse of Mrs. A. descending upon
him like a day of wrath*so he shot out
of the front door, forgetting that the
landlord had taken the steps away to
paint them, and got through falling
hen he jammed his bald head against
the board fence on the other side of th®
street, in a way that made liis skull flop
up and down like a loose half sole in
the muj.
When a neighbor came along and set
him up against the fence, his right
hand fumbled around his head in a
dazed kind of way, and he smiled va
cantly up in his friend’s face.
Pestered by a Lobster.
Among the diver’s troublesome com
panions under-sea are some big crusta
ceans that occasionally take i£ upon
them to meddle with his work and
tackling. Mr. Frank Buckland tells
how one of these sprawling natives got
punished before he knew it. A* diver
was searching after an ancient ship
load of dollars under the ^ca, off the
north coast of Ireland. While hunting
among the wreck for the dollars, Mr.
Wood had some curious under-water
adventures. One of the divers com
plained that he was annoyed by a lob
ster and couldn’t work. Mr. Wood
earned the whereabouts of the lobster
and went down after him. He soon
discovered Mr. Lobster sitting under a
rock, looking as savage as a lobster can
look. His feelers were pointed well
forward, anil he held out his two great
claws wide open in a threatening atti
tude. Wood, knowing the habits of
lobsters, offered his fellow his crow
bar, which he immediately nipped with
his claws. Then, watching his oppor
tunity, he passed the signal line over
the lobsters tail, made it fast, and sig
nalled to the men above to “haul
away.” This they did, and away went
Mr. Lobster, flying up through the
water Into the air above, with hiscl^ws
still expanded, and as scared as a lob
ster coulff be.
th®y used to dun him for their arrears.
In 1771 h® might be considered an ex-| my bred, py shimmy!
tinet volcano, for the pecuniary ali-' dinks?”
—At a recent session of the JefTt-rson
county. Pa. Court, Judge Jenks threat
ened to imprison several attorneys for
unnecessary wrangling while cross-
examining witnesses.
—A monument to the memory of the
soldiers of 1812, near Pittsburg has
been very much defaced by vandals,
und oud the vay >o I put smearcaae on and lt u n0 w proposed to remoTe the
Vot you j structure where it will be i.fe from
! aueh attacks.
