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ONCE ON A TIME
One® on n Mm*. f*o fw been toUl,)
Thorn lived ft rich mim'd daughter
Who wiilcd away t«» countries old,
That lie MnrodH the wn1«r;
leaving hnliind her, all forlorn,
A heart with sorrow laden--
An impecunious heart, high-born—
That lovul this charming maiden.
CJnyly who danced through foreign landa,
And right from the hoginning
Wan followed by large, adoring hands
Of peers, l>ent on her winning;
Marquis and Duke and Count and Karl
Devotedly were Irniling,
Eager to land Inin golden girl
And silence tradesmen's wailing.
Binding on one find all she went,
Nor seemed to want their wooing;
Merely on her own pleasure hent,
While famous ruins viewing;
Hade in her native land, she knew,
A wealth of mil devotion
Was waiting for her, so loyal, true,
jIVi paler name one day in glee
And told his lovely daughter
That with Ill's ducats ample he
A title proud had bought her;
He was a hit too old. 'twas true.
Had go •
Hut iiavir
In
of hr
idigestio
on highlit
To c
■ the <
Gayjy the maiden laughed, and then
phi! startled her good pater
By telling him firmly that, with men
Kilo that he ne’er could mate her;
“Titles are naught to me," she cried, *
‘"’Tis loyal love I crave, Sir;
And to dear Jack, whnte’er betide,
My heart I freely gave, Sir."
Swiftly she sailed to he Jack's wife;
(At least, f heard it staled;)
Gladly her bright anil happy life
To love she consecrated;
When did this Mnnen? You propound
A query old and hoary;
lwction wifcn t ruth do not. confound—
—Colorado Springn Gazette.
I EFFIE’S LEGACY.
' i S ——
jg BY FLORENCE B. MALLOWELL.
LL n~T ° think tlmt I can’t go
I just because 1 have noth
ing (It to wear! Ami I
4- linvo udVor been to II real
parly hi my lift only tbu < | nil 11 n tr
liens ami upplaqmring frolics given
nronnil lu re! Ami the Faulkners nrc
Fiidi nice peoplol I wonder they even
thought of asking me! And now to
linve to decline! It does seem too
hard I”
And the tears rushed to KRle Crof-
ton’s eyes and rolled slowly down her
rosy clicclts.
•'Wouldn't your blue muslin, If care
fully wash—"
“Aunt Hopsy! That old, worn-out
rug! What can you he thinking of?
No. I'll have to stay at home; that's
nil there Is about It, anil I might ns
well mnko the best of It.”
And Klllc rose from her sent 111 the
old wooden rocker, throw on tho kitch
en table tho ilalnly note of Invitation,
mid, walking lo the window, stood
there looking out on the fnrm-ynrd,
the old red imrn, nnd the pencil trees
lonilcd with pink bloom, hut seeing
nothing because of those hot, rebel
lious tears that tilled her young eyes.
“I wish I could help you, sister,”
Fold Herman, who wns sitting on the
step of the kitchen door, caressing the
silky cars' of u beautiful brown nnd
white Hotter dog. "But I don't seo
liow It Is possible. It will take every
penny I call scrape together to pay
the Interest cn tile mortgage, due next
Thursday.” ,
“i don't expect you to help me," re.
Joined 13111c, without turning from ilio
window. “1 vo given up expecting
anything. I suppose I shall stay all
my life oil tlyls old farm, never having
nuiuBcmcnt of any kind, nnd wearing
■lark calicoes nnd wuslied-out inuslliis
from January to December. • I some-
mines think I actually hate the farm,
and every tree and Bpenr of grass on
IL"
"Eflloj Ellle!" Aunt Hopsy looked
over her steel-bowed glasses In sur
prise nnd rebuke. “Yon. don’t know
what you are saying, child."
"I know tlmt I'd leave the farm If I
could," cried Eflle, unmindful of the
pained look on her brother’s face
"Wo shall never bo any better off, nnd
It will bo work and grind to tile end
of the chapter. It mnktjs mo fairly
elck to think of It.”
"You sUquud not talk tlmt way be
fore Hcrmnn, Kllle," suld Aunt.Ilcpsy,
ns the young man rose from tho step
nnd walked towards tho barn, Leo
following «t JUs heels. “You khow
liow linrd lie 1ms to work, nml how
carefully lie lms had to manage) things
over since your father died. He never
spends an unnecessary cent on him
self, nml, dear knows, lie don’t linvo
any pleasure. It Isn't right for you to
I'cproncli him."
mile's eyes followed her brother un
til lm,dlsnppenred In the Imrn.
llcFwas tall 'nml-broad-shouldered,
lint his- face wns browned by the sun
Ids hands were rough nnd callous with
toll, nml Ills clothes woro threadbare
«ml Ottod him badly.
He was a good brother, nml Ellle
was generally very ready to acknowl
-edge Ills virtues, but to-dny she was
In ut\ unusual mood; consequent on not
having a dress tit to wear to Mrs.
Faulkner's garden party.
Tho Fnuiknors were city people who
had rented n large country liouso only
a mild from the Crotton farm, nnd
they kept It tilled to overflowing with
guests, for whose nmusenient they
were always giving croquet nml gul
den parties, picnics nnd water exclu
sions, depending upon the guests nt
tho Lnkesldo Hotel to mnko up a sufll
■elontly large party.
Mrs. Faulkner met EBio hy neeldont,
and was so much pleased with her
that she asked her to call.
Ami Ellle, wearing her worn blue
muslin and last summer’s lint, laid
done so, and lmd returned homo more
discontented than over with her lot,
more anxious than over to seo some
thing of that great b.tsy world of
which the Faulkners talked so famil
iarly.
Miss Allen, nu old Indy who lmd
spent two summers at the Lakeside
Hotel, lmd promised that she should
see It some day, ami EQlo had for
long, time confidently expected an lu
vltntlon *to visit her; but It had never
cento, and she had ceased to hope for
It. $bo lmd not even heard from
" Miss Allen for months, ami this fact
alone laid caused her a good deal of
bitterness, though slio would not hav
liked to confess It.
"Come, Ellle, don’t stand there and
fret; It won't help matters any,” said
-Aunt Ilepsy. “There’s tho bread to
knead, nml that hlg basket of Ironing
walling for us, And Til like to have
the heavy blankets looked over nml
packed away to-day, It It's so wo enu
get round to 'em."
Elite sighed heavily, nnd bognn to
roll up the sIcovch of her cntlco dress,
thinking the while that It wns In
doing such homely tnsks ns kneading
bread, churning, Ironing and putting
nwny winter hiunkets tlmt her life
wiih fo he spent.
There goes Herman oft on Jerry,”
presently remarked Aunt Ilcpsy, ns
the sound of horse’s hoofs wns heard
the hard road. “Why, where can
lie lie going? He suld ho wanted to
IIiiIhIi that strip of plowing to-dny."
Elite glanced out of tho window nnd
saw her brother riding nwny, Leo
hounding ulbug close nt the horse's
-Is.
doing on some errnnd mdro Impor
tant than tho plowing, I suppose,” sho
epllcd, Indifferently, nud resumed
her work.
By noon the churning wns done, the
bread lay on (he pantry shelves lit deli
cious-looking bnnvn loaves, the Iron
ing wns well under way, nud Aunt
Hopsy lmd looked over nnd put nwny
tlie blankets.
We've got a sight of work out of
tho way this morning," she suld, ns
she snt down to rest for a moment lu
the old wooden rocker. "And I feel
so bent out tlmt if you don’t miml,
tille, I'll run over nflor dinner nnd
sit nwhHo with old Miss Hope. She's
always glad of company.”
Elba lmd no objection nt nil to this
plan; In fact, she wns pleased nt the
Idea of being loft nlone, free to Indulge
her gloomy mood uudlsturhed.
The limit nml niece silt down to din
ner nlone, for Herman had not re
turned.
I can't lldnk wlml’s come to the
hoy to stny nwny over dinner!” Aunt
Ilcpsy observed, nuxlously. "It Isn't
a hit like him to go nway without let
ting us know anything about It.”
“Tltero's no need, to worry,” said
Ellle, a little lmpntlcntly. 4 . "He’ll ho
along nfti,' u while, I snppSso."
Aunt Hopsy departed, as soon ns tlio
dishes were washed nnd put nwny,
ami Ellle went to work to llnlsli tho
Ironing. But she lmd ironed only a
few pieces when slio hoard some ono
calling to her from the front gate,
nml, running out, saw Farmer Hilton,
n near neighbor, in Ills light wagon.
Here’s n lottor I got out of tlio
ofllee for you, Ellle," lie said. "But I
couldn't got down, for these colts
won't Btimd.”
A letter for me!” Eflle repented, In
surprise, for her correspondents wore
very few, nnd the receipt of a letter
wns a rare occurrence.
She stood looking nt It doubtfully ns
tho farmer il.'ovo nwny, nrtd turned It
over several times before sho opened It.
The cuv'lope bore In one corner the
stump of a lawyer's tirm lu (lie city
nnd sho (lid not know the hnudwrltlug
of the superscription.
'When she opened It, nt Inst, she
found It wns lo Inform her tlmt old
Miss Allen had recently died, nml
hail left her the sum of ?300, which
wns subject to her order In n city
hank.
Ellle read the letter over three
times liofor; she felt sure' that she
was not ilreauilug, and then, forget
ting the Irons cooilng on the stov
forgetting her misery about tho Faulk
ners’ garden parly—forgetting, Indeed,
except the joyful fact of her legney-
she snt down on the kitchen door-top
nml abandoned lie.snlf to thoughts of
tlte delightful future lu store for her.
8lio lmd laid out nil her plans, nml
In Imagination lmd entered on the In
toxlcatlou of a llfo ' \ the city, when
tho cinder of horses’ hoot's on the road
roused her rroni her rose-colored rev
erle,, nud she looked up to seo her
brother pausing nt the gate.
He en- 'rd i brown paper parcel tin
der his arm, lint ho illil not throw It
to her, ns shU halt expected ho would.
"Where have you been, Herm?” she
asked, ns lie passed her on Ills way to
the burn.
“Only tp Bnrwator,” ho nusworod.
He looked tired nu. dusty, nud the
smile he gave her seemed rather
forced.
She concluded nt once that ho wns
still troubled about the hitter words
she had uttered that morning. Or
perhaps it was the t tight of the over
due mart-jige.
The mortgage! It was for $300—
just tho amount of her legacy—and
Hermn-’. hail said so often wlmt .a re
lief It would ho to him If It were only
paid oil. But there was no prospect
| of It. He could not work any harder.
-
ivns able tt ^
expenses. /.nt
linn In? did, «nd he wns
the farm Just pay expense
sometime* there were losses by tern*
post or flood or drought tlmt put him
imek for months.
With a deep‘Hush on her face. Efllc
rose suddenly from the step mid rnn
up-stnlrs to her own room. She felt
lint she could not ruect her brother
just yet’.
he snt down by the ride of her bed
ml burled her face In her pillow.
‘Oil, I «uj t, I can’t!" she said aloud.
In answer to some suggestion from her
nsclence.
There wrs silence In the room a
minute, a a d then a long, gasping sigh
escaped her lips.
would not / ft gancroiw to do It
s 1 could do It freely—gladly,”
she murmured. “But—but—I ought
’oor Herman! lie lias worked so
linrd!’’
It was about ten minutes latjr that
she heard Herman calling to her.
She sprang up, bathed her face,
brushed her lmir hastlly and hurried
down to the kitchen. *
• brother was standing by the
window, with the brown paper parcel
in Ids bands.
Here’s something that trill make
our eyes sparkle, Efllel” ho said.
Open It, and tell me If that isn't just
wlmt you wanted.”
Ellle took the pnreel and opened It
mechanically. It contained a dress
pattern of soft small silk, of a' deli
cate fawn color, half a dozen yards of
pink sntiu ribbon, a pretty fan and a
pair of white kid gloves.
She stared at her brother It amaze
ment.
Herman, where did you get these?”
“At a store In Barwater. Mrs. Ilap-
good chose them for me. I would
never have dared undertake It my
self.”
But—tlio money, Herman?”
Newer miud about that, Eflle,” an
swered Herman, quickly, a sudden
flush rising to his face. “Make up the
dress, mul go to tho part3’ nnd enjoy
ourself. You do have a dull time of
hero, nml It’s a pity If you can’t go
to a party once In a while. / And now
get mo something to eat, for I’m nl*
most starved. I haven’t had anything
since breakfast.”
'‘Herman) Hidden thirty miles to-
dny and no dinner! Well, you must
be hungry!”
She went close to lilm and kissed
him tenderly.
It was very good of you to buy
me the dress,” she said, her volco n
little constrained, ns slid remembered
tlmt struggle up-stairs with her con
science.
She set the coffeo pot on tlio stove
nd then went into the pnntry, emerg
ing a moment later with a hone In her
hand.
Hero’s something I saved for Leo,”
slio snld. “Ho mttst ho almost starved,
You ought not to have taken
him, Herman.”
She was almost at tho door when
her hrotner’s volco arrested her.
Leo Isn’t out there, Eflle. It’s no
uso to call him. I sold lilm this morn
ing.”
“Herman! Sold Loo!”
Slio would not linvo been more sur
prised lmd ho told her he lmd sold
tho farm, for sho know the big brown
setter was his dearest earthly posses
sion.
“Yes,” nnd Herman averted his faco
from his slstov’s shocked gaze, “I
don’t really need him, you know. I
don’t often linvo a ehanec to go hunt
ing now, and there wns a man in Bur-
wntor who lmd wanted lilm for a long
time, anil offered me ?30 for him.”
Ellle made no icjoliuler. She Was
staring straight before her, nu expires'
slou of sueli poignant grief nud contri
tion on her face tlmt Herman wns
startled.
lie . crossed tho room and put his
arms arc -td her affectionately.
I didn’t know you enrpil so much
for the poor old dog, Eflle,” he said,
his voice a little slmkeu.
It—It—Isn’t tlmt,” she answered, in
a low, teuse voice. “But—oh, Her
man, I know why you sold him! You
nmdo that sacrlllce for me, while I—
M0D0CS PASSING AWAY.
TRIBE THAT MADE THE LAVA BEDS
FAMOUS FAST DYING OFF.
It Will lie Only a F
linve All lleooin
How They
mtli
rlbe
a cat nnd participates lu all the dances |
of his nnd neighboring tribes.
The thirteen surviving bucks are
the laslest mortals on top of earth.
They would starve In sixty days If It
were not for the Government. Even
the squaws won't work unless driven
to It. And the children nro so badly
afflicted with various sorts of diseases
that they can’t do anything. .While
rile Modoc Indians arc rapidly pass-1 prisoners of war the Government al
lows them considerable freedom nnd
the only money which they make Is
wlmt they take In hy exhibiting them
selves In n tent nl reunions nyd carni
vals In Southern Ivnnsas towns. Their
show Is entitled "The Last of the
Modoc,," and tho thirteen bucks still
living nro the "performers." The per
formance consists of a couple of
dances, a war whoop nnd a request for
u quarter.—Kansas City Journal.
Sonic Tricks of Fortune Telling,
If I had room to describe nil my
experiences with these modern witches
nud wizards, I should like to fell you
about the amiable old fraud tlmt cast
my horoscope. IIo lms been to State’9
prison for swindling, hut ho adver
tises in the Sunday pnpers just the
same as usual, and his ofllcc Is full
of people whose dollars burn in their
pockets. I should like to describe tho
doctor with three framed diplomas,
medical hooks, nnd n linlf-plnt of
pills, tlmt went Into u trance for me
hardly distinguishable from the early
stages of a flt. His wrist shook, like
fiddler's playing Schubert’s 'Sere
nade/ and his eyes rolled up till they
looked like lmrd-bolldd eggs with the
shell off. I should like to tell about tho
psychic medium* that did a little mir
acle for mo in the way of reading tins
answers to my'questions through the
envelope lu which they were sealed.
I could expluln how he gave me n
dummy to hold while he opened the
real dnvelope under cover of wash
ing Ills hands. I should like to tell
how wrong In every particular wns
tho Indy that rend my palm by tho
light of pure science. ‘No fortune
telling about It, ob, dear, no.” I should
like to tell about the ‘true nnd reli
able fortune-tellers’ tlmt rau the curds
for mo, and saw trouble.from a dark
man nud luck in tho lottery with tho
uumber 8, . or 800, or 8000, nnd how
there wns money coming to mo in a
letter from across the water, (.t has
to come to me tlmt way or I could
not pay the grocer, for I live In Brook
lyn, nml Brooklyn is on Long Islaiid,
nnd my little girl lms just come homo
from school with .the Information that
nu Island is n body of land completely
surrouuded hy water. I had suspected
much.”—Harvey Sutherland, In
Alnslce’s.
OUR BUDGET OF HUMOR.
>
Sghs choked her utterance. Sho
broke from his arms mid rushed up
stairs liko a \vh|l'lwlud.
It was half an hour before sho eumo
down again. Then her faco was
flushed and stained with tears, hut
there was ti siniTo on her lips, nud in
her eyes the light of a generous re
solve. , ’
Herman wns nt tho table, having
just finished tho very simple meal of
cold corned beef. nnd bread 1m had
been able to prepare for himself.
Eflle w. t up behind him, mid lean
ing on his shoulder, put the lawyer’s
lotte’. lu his hand.
"You made a great sacrifice for mo,
Herman,” slio said, "hut 1 can do
something for you lu return. The
thought of that dreadful mortgage
shall never trouble you again, denr
brother."
Efllc nttonded tho Faulkner’s garden
party In all the glory of her surah silk
nud piuk ribbons, nud of all the gay
throng uone woro lighter of heart than
she.
"1 wonder If I would have felt so
happy If I nnd not given Herman that
money," she thought, more than once.
Her cup of joy was full when she
returned home, late tlmt evening, nud
old Loo rose from tho door-step with
a welcoming bark. She put.her arms
around his neck and gave him a hearty
hug.
"If ever I feel hateful ngalu. I’ll
only have to look at Leo to get over
It," sho '.(.ought. "But I don’t believe
Hcrmnn will over hear me say another
word against tlio farm.”
Aud ho Dover (lid; for EfRe’s legacy
brought her a happiness that lasted
until slm loft tho farm for a homo of
her own.—Golden Days.
lag away. It will he only a few years
until they have nil become "good In
dians" mul their tribe will he extinct.
Tlio Modoes, nt one" time, were tlm
most troublesome and bloodthirsty
savages that this Government ever
tried to govern. Long before the White
man put In nil nppcnrnuco on the
shores of the Pnclllc they were seekers
for gore. They were always In trouble
with other tribes. That Is the way
they got tho name of Modoes. It
means "Enemies." It wns given them
hy the other tribes on tho Pacific,
against whom they had waged war.
But now things have changed. Tho
Modoes no longer thirst for war. They
are a slovenly, indolent nnd (lull set
of beings, with no nmbltlon. From a
strong tribe of brave warriors they
linvo dwindled down until there are
only thirteen bucks left In tho tribe.
The total population of tho tribe Is
seventy-eight, mostly women nnd dis
eased children. In recent years the
Modoes linvo died oft like sheep, nml If
the ratio keeps up In less than a de
cade a Modoc Indian will ho ono of the
curiosities of a practically extinct race.
They nro now quartered on a small
rhserviitlon lu tho Qunpaw country, a
few miles south of this city, under
guard of tlio Government, for they tile
still considered prisoners, /file few
members «f the tribe are growling be
cause they cannot go back to tlm Pa
cific slope nnd, spend the remainder
of Until' days.
Tho Modoes once were a part of
tlio Klamath tribe In North California
nnd Southern Oregon. They became
the "Boxers" of the Klnmatlis. They
broke away from that trlbo nnd set
up a government of tlielr own and
then waged war agnlnst tlielr mother
tribe, Jitat ns the Boxers are doing In
China. They also tackled outsiders
just like tlm Boxers, nnd Anally locked
horns with Uncle Sam Just like the
Boxers did and with tlio same result.
Bcforo they were subdued they would
mnko slaves of tlielr prisoners of war
and buy nud sell them among each oth
er nftertlio faslilon of tho nnclentllom-
nns nnd Cnrtliageulan*. They had a
peculiar rellglou In which a mythical
deity whom they called Knmooso stood
la tlio place of a god. In 18-17, after
having licked all tlm tribes on tlm
Pnclllc ConBt, until It wns no longer
any fun for Ilium, they brushed up
against the Federal troops. That was-
tlio first mistake they made. They
got licked. But they didn’t get enough
to satisfy thorn and broko out again
two years Inter nud massacred a lot
of whites. Then they got whipped
some more nml hundreds of thorn were
murdered hy tlm regular army.
In ’US they put tlielr blankets on
nml left their reservation ngnin, sqnnt-
tlng oil some land on Lost ltlvor
which did not belong to them. The
Government ordered them linek to
their own reservation. They refused
to go nml another war was on. The
Modoes retreated to tho "lava beds,"
where they withstood two nttneks by
Gonornl Wheaton nnd General Glllnin.
The Government then appointed a com
mission to arrange for a settlement.
The commissioners met tlm Modoes
on April 11, 1873, nnd also tlielr fate,
because tlm Indians trenclierously mu-
bushed them, killing General Cnnliy
nml Dr. Thomas nml wounding A. B.
Mitchell, so that 1m wns left on tho
Hold for dead.
Tho war wns again renewed. The
Modoes desperately resisted the Fedor,
nl forces, but were finally starved out
and compelled to surrender. General
Jeff Davis court-mnrtinlled Captain
Jack, chief, and three others who
planned tlm mnssncrS of- the commis
sioners, mnf they were executed. Tlm
rest of the tribe, ns prisoners of war,
were transferred to tlm Indian Terri
tory and placed on a small reservation,
under guard, In tlio Qunpaw nation.
At tho time of their removal they were
told, qo they, say, that they would ho
hold prisoners for twenty-live years
mul would then ho permitted to return
to' their old liuntlug ground hi Cali
fornia. The twenty-flvo years were
up In '08, but tile - Modoes, or wlmt Is
left of them, are still here nud they
are liable to stay. Tlm Indian Com
missioner has no notion of sending
them hack to tho coast.
Tho chief of tlm fnst vanishing tribe
now Is Yellow Hammer. He Is a strap
ping hlg young Indian, six feet three,
aud weighs probably 220 pounds. He
looks ns strong ns an ox, but lie isn’t.
Ho Is sick a great portion of tlm time
n\ul lio hasn’t many years to live.
Lung disease Is getting nway with
him. That Is what has killed tlm tribe
off so rapidly. It seems that all are
afflicted with It, except ono old In
dian. Chief Yellow Hammer has his
“hammer” out Knocking on tlm way
bis tribe is being treated. He says
they will all soon he dead unless the
"Big Chief’ at Washington lets them
go back to California. His tribe has
petitioned tlm Presidents to he re
turned. Recently lie visited Kansas
City with Ills mother. He had a good
time. In speaking of the town he
said: “Henp big town; heap lots peo
ple; heap good whisky. Hnd henp
good time. Coin’ .hack again.”
What seems most remarkable in the
face of the rapid manner lu which
the Modoes are going to tlielr "happy
hunting ground" is tho fact that there
Is lu tho trlbo tin Indian buck 10U
years of age. His name Is Sam Boll.
Ho wns one of tho original “Boxers'
who first loft tho Klnmatlis and organ
ized a tribe of their own. Ho still has
Ills “dander up" and wants to take
the ■ warpath again. He Is as spry as
Gold Hardened Treed.
Wlioro surface wuters run over pokl
formations, tlio gold Is token up by
trees nnd is locked up In their trunks.
Dr. Lungowltz nnnlyzed the ashes
from u number of trees nud found
that they contained gold in quantities
ns high as $1.17 to the ton. In many
cases the presence >f gold wns evident,
but tho quantity was so small ns to
be unmeasurable. At tlrst only the
ashes from the roots were analyzed,
but it was found that the nslics from
the upper branches contained «a much
larger percentage of gold.
Of course, the amount of gold In so
lution is small, but the trees act ns a
Alter la recover It, nml during the
course at many years they accumulate
a perceptible umouut of the precious
metal. Tlio investigation Is more the
oretical thnn practical.
LAUGHTER-PROVOKING STORIES FOR
LOVERS OF FUN.
To Maid«nn—Should He Udod to Tt—Ifn<1
Never Told Her—From Their I’olnt of
. View—In tlio New Kr»— Harbnrluus—
A 1 Definition, Klc., Ktc.
But believe wlmt you please
When they swear they adore you.
Let them rest on their knees,
But believe wlmt you please—
Let them argue and tease
If the thing doesn’t bore you,
But believe wlmt you please
When they swear they adore you. •
SY —Smart Set.
Should Ho Udftil to It.
Mamma—“Bobbie, It grieves mo so
to have you naughty!”
Bobble (strictly logical)—“But why
should It, mamma? I was always so.”
IVnd Nevor Told Her.
The Wife—“I cnino vciy near not
marrying you, Jolni.”
The Husband— 1 "Yes, I kuow; but l
hnd no Idea you were on to the fact.”
Smart Set.
Splicing Trolley Cars.
The rapid evolution In the size and
roominess of the* average trolley ear,
that has taken place during the past
few sonuons bus caused tho smaller
ears, while in good condition, to be
come antiquated. Many of the lines,
however, Instead of entirely discard
ing these small ears nnd replacing
them with new ones have found it
more economical to splice them,
this way the cars of Rochester, N. Y.,
lmve l)«en increased In length from
eighteen feet eight Inches to twenty-
seven feet nine Inches. The larger
ears are mounted ou double trucks
Instead of the single trucks previous
ly used.
Snrnpon um Hcdsprends.
The Mexlcnu embnssy, nt Washing
ton, has informed the Department of
Foreign Relations, auu the latter the
Department of Finance* thntUMexi
can 8arapes will henceforth beleonald-
?red by the customs authorities of
tho United States ns woolen bed
spreads, and they will be assessed for
duty accordingly. This ruling
based on the fact that though the
sarnpe Is used as a piece of clothing
during the day, it Is used ns a bed
cover nt night nud ought to be clnss-
itled ns such. Yet the fact remains
that this is not the principal use of
tho snrnpe.—Mexican Herald.
Coals to Newcastle.
In St. Wolfgang, a clinrmtug little
place In tlio Austrian Alps, a 'charity
lottery was.held recently, where tho
great prize wns n season ticket for
tlmt unique little railroad which
climbs up to the summit of the high
est mountain In the vicinity, tho
Sclmfherg, twice a day. Yon get a
fine view from there, overlooking a
cluster of lakes and miniature glaciers
that nestle in the Austrian Alps. Who
do you think won that great prize?
Who should but the only eocduetor of
that little railroad.—Vienna £jeu Frcie
Presse. -■■■./ -
Chinese Diddles.
“What is the fire that has no smoko
and the water that has no flsh?
“A glow worm’s fire has no smoko
nnd well water.lias no fish.”-
“Mention the name of an object with
two mouths which travels by night
and not by day,”
“A lantern.”—Chleag^ News.
From Tlielr I’olnt of View.
First Ape—“And some apes have de
veloped Into men?"
Second Ape—"So they say.”
First Ape—"Well, thank goodness!
some of us have escaped!"—Puck.
In tlie New Kra,
‘I stand on my record,” shouted (be
woman who was running for ofllee.
Wlmt fur?” demnnded a little red
headed rooster In the erowiV;. “nro
you tryln’ to keep It out of sight?”
Hnrbttrinnu.
‘There ought to be\n law against
selling guns to barbarians,” said the
man lu the corner sent.
There Is. Fire-arms must not be
sold to small boys.”—New York
World.
ADeqnlllnn.
Little Willie—'“Pa, why do they call
thepi. ‘minor pools’?”
Pa—“Because they ought to ho
working with n pick and shovel In
stead of writing poetry, uiy sou.”—
Tlt-BIts. •
Tho Only Fomilbllltr.
Ho—“Nothing could ever come be
tween us, could it, dear?”
She—“1 can’t think of a sluglo
thing, unless I should hnppen to be
come engaged to some other man.”—
Harper’s Baznr.
Itonembled Mother.
“Why Is It you do not wear a mus
tache, lieutenant? Your father has
Buch a heavy growth of beard.”
“Yes, my denr, but with respect to
whiskers I am more like my mother
thau my father.”—Sondngs-NIsso.
Well Supplied,*
John,” she snld, “I must have a
cyclopaedia."
Thunderatjon 1" exclaimed Mr. Par
venu. “You’ve got a bicycle nml a
motocyelo. now. Wlmt do you want
of any more of those cycle things?” .
Too Mooli Novnl Ktlqoette.
“The navy Is out of powder ngnin,
Mr. Secretary.”
“Impossible! Wlmt’s become of tbo
supply?”
“The warships used It up, sir, swap
ping salutes for tlielr commanders.”
—Cleveland Plain Dealer.
(toon Alarm Clock.
Employer—“I eougrutulnte yon on
that now linby of yours, Illgglus.”
Higgins—"Thank you, sir."
Employer—“And I linvo no doubt
Hint hereafter you will ho waked up
onrly enough mornings to get to tlio
ofllee every day on time."—Somerville
Journal.
A Gnoil Solieme.
Tourist—“Do those scarecrows save
your crops?"
Farmer—“They work first rate. You
sec. every tramp tlmt comes along
crosses tho Helds to soo If th' clothes
is wu'tli stealln’, w’ch they ain't, an’
that scares th' crows away.”—New
York Weekly.
Hnd Plnco to Dio In.
Osmond—“My wlfo has turned our
drawing room into a ‘ilen.’"
Desmond—“Well, that's nil right.
Isn't It?”
Osmond—“I don’t know; If I should
die I’d bate awfully to ho laid out un
der n red nnd yellow Jnp umbrella.”
—Indianapolis Journal.
lie Xienraed tlio Itenson.
“Yes,” mused tho Haslifed Philoso
pher, “a clock-stocking Is so called be
muse ”
The Port Clerk bent eagerly for
ward.
“Because," went on tho first speak
er, “because It always slrlkes one.”
—Syracuse Herald.
Optional.
VHow long can you stay under wa
ter?" asked the curious person.
“Permanently, It I choose,” replied
the. professional diver, who liml an
swered the question ’several hundred
times before. “But I prefer to come
to the surface every once In n while
to breath.”—Chicago Tribune.
Airy.
“You know,” said Senator Sorghum,
reprovingly, “I told you that what I
wanted from you was a good breezy
speech.”
“Well,” answered the professional
orator, “I thought that was what I
gave you. Nearly everybody who heard
It said my arguments were only
wind.”
Tha Snvntre Bachelor.
“It is a woman’s privilege to change
her mind,” said the Sweet Young
Thing.
“From what I know of tho critter it
Is her duty," said the Savage Bache
lor. and the glare he got from the
newly married boarders kept him Lf
good humor all the rest of tho day;
—Indianapolis Press.
A