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SEMI-WEEKLY STANDARD & EXPRESS.
Published on Tuesdays and Fridays.
OLD SERIES, NO. 575.
STANDARD & EXPRESS.
Terms of Subscription:
SEMI’WUEKLT :
OSK $3 00
Six Months, - - - - - IDO
WEEKLY i
One Y eah, . ..... |a 00
Six Months, 100
SHARP &FLOYD,
Successors to Geo. SHARP, Jb.,
ATLANTA) GA„
Wholesale And Retail Jewelers.
We Keep * Large and Vuried Assortment of
FINE WATCHES, CLOCK,
DUJIONUN, JEWELRY,
AND
SPECTACLES.
SWffl Sttfll w
A SPECIALTY.
We Mannfactuae Tea Sets, Forks, Spoons.
Goblets, Cups, Knives, etc.
tfrjcmiums Jfot] J^grjcultu^al
We are prepared to fill any order for Fairs at
short notice; also to give any information in
regard to Premiume.
Order* by mail or la person, will roceivo
prompt and careful attention. We ask a com
parison of Stock, Price* and Workmanship with
any house in the State.
Watches and Jewelry carefully Repaired
and Warranted. Masonic Badges and Sunday
School Badges made to order.
wsr All Work Guaranteed.
ENGRAVING FREE OF CHARGE.
SHARPS FLOYD.
May 28, swly.
Lawshe & Haynes,
Have on hand and are receiving
the finest stock of the
Very Latest Styles
of Diamond and Gold
JEWELRY,
%
In upper Georgia, selected, with eat care for
the
Fall and Winter Trade,
Watches,
of the BEST MAKERS, of both Europe and A
merica;
American aud French Clocks;
sterling and Coin Silver Ware;
and the best quality of
Silver Plated Goods,
at prices to suit the times;
Gold, Silver and Steel
Spectacles,
to suit all ages
Watches and •Jewelry
Repairsd bt Competent Workmen;
Al»o Clock and Watch Makers
Tools and Materials.
sept 13.-swly ATLANTA, GA.
R. W. SATTERFIELD &BRO.
Are now receiving and
opening their new stock of
FALL & WINTER
DRY GOODS,
AND
ETDBTBODY to
Conte and see them, and, If
quality and priee suit, buy
■
them. We guarantee sales
if these are the conditions
of the purchas
Cartersvilie, oct. 31st.
CARTERSVILLE, GEORGIA, TUESDAY MORNING, NOVEMBER 14, 1871.
#ttofeßßional (£ards.
JOHN H. WIKLE,
Attorney at Law,
AND
REAL ESTATE AAD ISSrRAYCE AGENT.
CARTERSVILLE, GEORGIA.
FFICE over Post Office.
A. P. Wttbord,
ATTORNEY AT LAW,
CARTERSVILI.B, GEORGIA.
Office in the Court-Home,
Tuno 23,1870.
A. TI. Foute,
ATTORNEY AT LAW.
CARTERSVILLK, GEORGIA.
( With Col. Warren Akin,)
Will practice in the courts of Bartow, Cobb,
Polk, Floyd, Gordon, Murray, Whitfield and ad
joining counties. March 30.
T. W. MILNER, O. H. MILNER.
Milner A Milner,
ATTORNEYS AT LAW.
CARTERSVILLE, GEORGIA
Will attend promptly to business entrusted to
their care. Jan. 15.
John W. Wofford,
ATTORNEY AT LAW.
CARTERSVILLE GEORGIA.
Offico over Pinkerton’s Drug Store. Oct. 17JJ
It. W. Murphey,
ATTTORNEY AT LAW.
OAETERSVILLE, GEORGIA
Will practice in the courts of the Cherokee
Circuit. Particular attention given to the col
ection of claims. Office with Col. Abda John
son. Oct. 1.
Warren Akin,
ATTORNEY AT LAW.
CARTERSVILLE, ..GEORGIA.
Will practice in all the courts of the State.
&am. H. Patillo,
Fashionable Tailor and Agent
for Sewing Machines,
WILL attend promptly to the Cutting, Re
pairing, and Making Boys’ and Mens’
Clothing; also, Agent for the sale of the cele
brated Grover <& Baker Sewing Machines. Of
fice over Stokely & Williams Store. Entrance
from the rear. feb 17.
W. K. MountcaNtle,
Jeweler and Watch and Clock
Repairer,
CARTERSVILLE, GEORGIA.
Office in Iront of A. A. Skinner & Co’s Store.
Jhgg,* BARTOW HOUSE,
1118 CARTERS VILLE, OA.,
BY J. T. GUTHRIE, Proprietor.
S. O’SHIELDST
Fashionable Tailor ,
Cartersville, Georgia.
HAVE just received the latest European and
American styles of Mens’ and Boys’ Cloth
ing, and is prepared to Cut and Making to or
der. Office upstairs in Liebman’s store, East
side of the Railroad. sept. 29.
I. O. O, F.
THE regular meeting of Etowah Lodge, No.
49, I. <). O. F., is held on every Thursday
night, in the Masonic Hall.
JOHN M. DOBBS, Sec’y.
Cartersville, Ga., Oct. 9th, 1871,
Cherokee Railroad Time Table.
ON and after Monday, October 9th, trains on
the Cherokee Rail ltoad will nm as fol
low's :
Leave Taylorsville 8,30 A. M.
“ Stilesboro 9 “ “
Arriv® at Cartersville 9,150 “ “
RETURNING.
Leave Cartersville 1,30 P. M.
Stilesboro 2,30 “ “
Arrive at Taylorsville 2,50 “ “
C. T. SABIN, Sup’t.
Cartei'sville, Ga., Oct. 7,1871.
“ GEAR SHOP,” by
w. c, mum.
CARTERSVILLE, GA.
Manufacturer of Harness, Bri
fmfttSk. dies, Gear, etc*, and Dealer in
Saddles, Leather.
Repairing done on short notice. Work war
ranted to stand the test. Hides W anted.
jan.24,1871.-swly
SASSEEN HOU SE.
(Formerly United States Hotel,)
CORNER ALABAMA & PRYOR STS,
Atlanta, Georgia.
E. Ji. SASSEEN, Agent Proprietor
Terms—Transient Boarders, perday, $2
iSngle meal and lodging, 60 cents.
Just Received
Fmi±;
TABLE CUTLERY!
A NewßSuppiy of Castors
AND OTHER PLATED WARRE.
CHEAP AS THEY CAN BE BOUFHT
in any Southern market.
J. T. OWEN.
REMOVAL.
TOM BRIDGES
Has rsmoved his
EATING SALOON
AND
CONFECTIONERY,
To Judge Parrott’s new build
ing, under Town Hall,
o.
On and after the 15th instant,
Single Heal, 50 Cents.
Hoard—per month, $lB.
FRESH OYSTERS
Confectioneries, Fruits, and
Family Groceries kept on hand
and for sale. sep 15.
LEGISLATIVE PROCEEDINGS.
SENATE.
Thursday, Nov. 9,1871.
BILLS ON FIRST READING.
Mr. Heard: A bill to amend the
law of this State in relation to writs
of habeas corpus providing that said
writs, in felony, may be granted only
by J udges of Superior Courts.
Also a bill to relieve joint debtors
by judgment.
Mr. Hoyle: A bill to authorize the
appomtment of an auditor in cases at
law involving matters of accounts.
Mr. Hoyle: A hill to alter the fees
of sheriffs in certain cases involving
the keeping of stock.
Mr. Simmons: A bill to amend an
act to provide for setting apart a
homestead of realty in this State re
quiring the Ordinary to publish the
necessary notice in the gazette where
his official notices are usually pub
lished.
Mr. Welborn: A bill to provide
for the payment of fines in criminal
cases and for other purposes.
Also, a bill to alter and amend sec
tion 3798 of the Code, so far as re
lates to the competency of parties to
testify in their own cases.
Also, a bill to require Clerks ofSu
perior Courts to provide blanks with
printed instructions for taking inter
rogatories.
Mr. Simmons offered a resolution
that the Comptroller General be re
quested to make a report to the Gen
eral Assembly within five days, of
the number and amounts of executive
warrants issued since * the first of
J une. Adopted.
Also, a resolution that the Messen
ger be directed to furnish to each
member of the General Assembly
two copies of the Comptroller Gen
eral’s report. Adopted,
Mr. Kibbe offered a resolution pro
viding for a joint committee of two
from the Senate, and three from the
House, to consider the bill for the
appointment of members of the Gen
eral Assembly. Adopted.
BILLS ON FIRST READING.
Mr. Brown: A bill to make it a
penal offense for persons selling spir
ituous liquors to furnish the same to
minors without the written consent
of parents or guardians.
Mr. Hillyer : A bill to amend sec
tion 3432 of the Code so as to allow
the courts to impose additional re
strictions on the amendments of
pleadings.
Mr. Clark offered a resolution that
a committee of nine, consisting of
three from upper, three from middle,
and three from lower Georgia, to
consider the subject of immigration,
and to report a bill within twenty
days on the same. Adopted.
House bills were read the first
time.
A bill to incorporate the Van Wert
Slate Company, of Polk county.
A bill to incorporate the Excel
sior Slate Company, of Polk county.
A bill to provide for the compen
sation of Grand and Traverse jurors
of Polk county.
Bills were read the second time.
Mr. Lester introduced a resolution
instructing the Finance Committee
to enquire into the sale of Agricultu-
College scrip. Adopted.
Mr. Smith : A bill to prevent
railroad trains from running on Sun
day from 6 o’clock A. M. to 6 o’clock
p. m. in this State.
..8,30 A. M
A message was received from the
House stating the passage of a reso
lution authorizing the Treasurer to
advance one hundred dollars to each
member and officer of the General
Assembly.
HOUSE.
Mr. McMillan presented a memo
rial from Rev. W. A. Parks of the
American Bible Association, which
was referred to the Finance Comit
tee.
The bill to fix the per diem of
members at $6 per day was re-com
mitted to the Finance Committee.
The bill to amend the act to incor
porate the Memphis Branch Railroad
Company was passed.
The hill to limit the lien of judge
ments in Justices’ Courts was read
the third time and passed.
The bill to change the charter of
the State University so as to add four
additional trustees to be elected by
the Alumni Society, was passed.
The bill to repeal an act to pro
vide for an election, etc., approved
Oct. 3, 1870, was passed.
Several of the standing committees
submitted reports.
Friday, November 10, 1871.
SENATE.
The motion of Mr. Wellborn, to
recommit the bill to appoint a com
mittee to investigate the official con
duct of R. B. Bullock, late Governor
of this State, to a special joint com
mittee of two from the Senate and
three from the House, made on yes
terday, was carried.
Mr. Nichols, chairmau of the com
mittee on Education, reported a rec
ommendation that five hundred cop
ies of the report of J. R. Lewis,
State School Commissioner, be prin
ted, which was adopted.
A bill to repeal and alter the pun
ishment prescribed in the following
sections of the Code of Georgia :
4276, 4278, 4279, 4290, (the penalty
provided is, penitentiary from one
to five years,) 4303 (same as 4304)
4307, (penitentiary from one to two
“ ONWARD AND UPWARD.”
years) 4345, 4348, 4349, 4350, 4351,
4353, 4368, 4372, (from one to five
years) 4373, (as far as relates to
taking of corn and cotton, from one
to two years) 4403, 4408,4409, 4411,
4412, (from two to five years,) being
the special order of the day was ta
ken up.
The bill changes the penalty pre
scribed for the offense contained in
the several sections, in most instan
ces, from misdemeanor to felony.
Mr. Lester moved to strike out
section 4276, which section provides
that the offense of putting out au
eye shall be punished by fine and im
prisonment. He considered the of
fense not great enough to constitute
a felony.
Mr. Reese opposed the amend
ment,’and maintained that the offense
should be punished as a felony, and
that the best means of restoring
peace and order is to increase the
severity of the penal Code.
Mr. Hinton thought that the bill
deprived the courts of the discretion
which is now, and should be allowed
in the infliction of a penalty for such
an offense.
Mr. Nunnally waß opposed to the
amendment on the ground that the
increasing indifference to the pun
ishment of crime should be met by
increased severity of punishment.
Mr. Lester insisted that such se
verity of punishment would deter
juries from making convictions. The
amendment was lost.
Mr. Hinton moved to strike out
section 4303, which provides that
the offense of stabbing, with certain
exceptional cases, Bh|ll be fine and
imprisonment. Motion lost.
Mr. Burns moved to strike out
section 4307, relating to abandon
ment of children by parents. Lost.
The Judiciary Committee recom
mended the insertion of the words
“ whenever the said child or chil
dren shall be under the age of twelve
years,” which was adopted.
Mr. Simmons moved to amend the
bill as relating to section 4348, which
provides that tho private stealing of
goods, etc., from any ware house
store house, etc., shall be punished
by confinement in the penitentiary
from one to two years by inserting
“ whenever said goods, etc., shall be
of the value of twenty-five dollars.”
Lost.
The Judiciary Committee recom
mended the striking out section
4409. Agreed to.
Mr. Simmons moved to amend
section 4373, by inserting with in
tent to steal the same.
HOUSE.
The election bill was taken up, it
being the order of the day, and after
much discussion, was passed in the
House, after expunging the clause
requiring the returns of the election
t j be made to the Presidents of the
Senate and House, instead of the
Governor. This bill brings on the
election for Governor, on the second
Tuesday, 12th day of December.
The nomination for U. S. Senator
was conferred upon Mr. Norwood, of
Savannah. The election will take
place, viva voce, on to-day, Tuesday.
Saturday, November 11, 1871.
SENATE.
Mr. Simmons offered a resolution
that on Tuesday, the 14th, the Sen
ate and House of Representatives
will proceed to elect, \iva voce, a
United States Senator. Adopted.
Mr. Burns introduced a joint res
olution that the Joint Finance Com
mittee be instructed to inquire into
the financial condition of the State
and the same to be empowered to
send for persons and papers, exam
ine witnesses, and do all other nec
essary acts. Adopted.
A bill to require the ordinaries
in issuing orders to the County
Treasurer to specify the fund out of
which said orders shall be paid.
Passed.
A bill to amend the attachment
laws of this State, allowing attach
ment when the debtor conceals his
goods. Passed.
A bill to repeal an act to provide
for an election and to alter the elec
tion laws of this State, approved Oc
tober 3d, 1870. Passed.
A bill to provide the mode of fill
ing vacancies in the office of ordina
ry in the State, providing that the
Clerk of the Superior Court shall
give the requisite notice of election.
Passed.
A bill to amend and add to the
law of arson in this State—making
the burning of or the setting fire to
fences, stacks of fodder or hay, or
shocks of corn or other grain, felony.
Passed.
A bill to allow plaintiff’s in execu
tion to recover damages, in certain
cases, where a claim or affidavit of
illegality is withdrawn. Passed.
A bill to amend 4428 of the Code,
so as to secure the performance of
contracts of labor.
A bill to repeal section 20 of an
act, approved October 25,1870, mak
ing certain appropriations. Passed.
A Message was received from the
House stating that the House had
passed, over the veto of the Gover
nor, a resolution to repeal certain
resolutions approved May 3, 1870.
Yeas 120 ; nays 31.
STATE NEWS.
The Atlanta Sun says Bullock’s
friends aay he will return to that
city in about ten days.
We didn’t know he had any
friends !
McDuffk county rise 9 to remark
that she has produced thirty-six po
tatoes weighing in the aggregate
eighty-six pounds.
Horse thieves, chicken thieves and
cotton thieves combine to make Au
gusta somewhat festive.
We believe we have all quit steal
ing, up this way.
Mr. James Williams, of Monroe
county, died last Sunday at the ad
vanced age of one hundred and two
years.
Junius Brown, Esq., son of Joseph,
was married a day or so ago to Miss
Fort, of Macon.
Julius is a clever fellow’ and we
hop# he is well /orMfied.
It is amusing to see with what
vim the proc. papers of Georgia go
for their late benefactor. While
Bullock was in power and could pay
them for silence or praise, the coun
try was ignorant of their real views
as to his true character, —now they
turn upon him with howls, hisses and
curses, and verily it looks as if they
had been agin him ail the time.—
Albany News.
•‘Ah. what is friendship but a natue.
A that luHs to sleep ;
A shade ibat follows wesUh or hrae,
Cut leaves the wrench to weep !”
Our critic of the LaGrange Re
porter, reporteth again as follows:
44 The Cartersville Standard and
Express have consolidated. There
is nothing rediculous in that.”
Our friend seems to take it hard
because our type sometimes make us
spell words with more e’s (ease) than
he does. Be easy, old fellow 1
44 Being a candidate for State
Printer, wo are too much demoral
ized to get out a good paper this
week. We shall do so no more. It
is our first bad step; it may be the
last.— Reporter.
We don’t think it necessary for
you to say that you will “ get out ” a
good paper no more; and as to your
44 bad step,” it is not the first, but
it is highly probable that it will be
the last of that kind.
Hear ye critic again :
44 The Macon Telegraph spells it
4 virture,’ and the Atlanta Era has
it 4 blatent’ more than once in the
same article. Now, when will these
country dailies learn how to spell ?”
These country day-lies will learn
how (?) to spell, if they continue to
exchange with the weakly Reporter.
And once more:
The Heard County News is in
formed that Webster puts down
court-house as a compound word.
When we are able, we’ll send Barron
a dictionary.”
If court-house is a compound word,
why'ain’t ware-house one, too ? This
important matter should be looked
into at once, and we hope the present
Legislature will appoint friend Wil
lingham a committee of one on spell
ing, and that he will Report from
time to time, until this spell of igno
rance shall be dispelled. Whose’s
head ?
The following “ notice” was stuck
up on various places in a certain dis
trict in Grayson county, Ky., a short
time since : “ Notise to all ther will
be A big barbeku on Sattorday,
Sept. 9 1871 in the teritoary graison
County, and the fair will be 25 cents
a meal and Their will be one of The
new kines of swings their on the
grown and one of the finest banger
pickurs ewe evur hurd gose with the
swring freie and you Shal Ride 20
rounds for ten cents come won come
awl boath grat and smaul and hear
the banger.”
A sick man was told that nothing
would cure him but a quart of cat
nip tea. “Then I must die,” said
he, “for I don’t hold but a pint.”
Marriage certificates in Chicago,
have a clause appended to them, like
that on railroad trip tickets : “Good
for thirty days unless otherwise or
dered.”
Some of the farmers’ clubs in lowff
are discussing the question, “Is re
troactive element magnified by olea
ginous nutriment ?” Most of them
think it is.
In Wyoming last year, a woman
beat her husband in the nomination
for a local office, and then went
home perfectly satisfied that the of
fice was to be m the family.
We wish to impress business men
with the following motto:
“Early to bed, and early to rise,
Never get tight—and advertise.”
Odd typographical errors are con
stantly occuring. A paper recently
made the surprising statement that
two thousand car loads of cats had
come east over the western railroads.
The editor designed to say “oats.”
The Capitol.
The members of both branches of
the Assembly will be able to com
mence their next week’s work com
fortably, each being financially re
lieved to the amount of $lO0 —the
Senate having concurred in a House
resolution which proposed such aid
to the members. It was a reasona
ble demand ; but sufficient to meet
hotel expenses, and enable a mem
ber to meet a friend from the coun
try occasionally.
The Senate passed a resolution to
go into an election for United States
Senator on Tuesday.
The House election bill was taken
up iu the Senate and read the first
time. There is but one opinion
about this bill, and that is, that it
will speedily pass the Senate, and
become a law.
The House has set its seal of con
demnation upon the District Court.
It passed a bill repealing the act
organizing such tribunals, and
should the Senate concur, forty-four
Judges and forty-four Solicitors wili
be thrown back upon the profession
to 44 earn a living.” It is very sad
to think that it is highly probable
that Judge(?) Blount will be de
posed. There is now no infirmary
for such as he, and nothing will be
left for him but to go around the
country again bellowing “ Ku-Klux!
Ku-Klux !!” until he almost deafens
his audience with his stentor rav
ings.
The Johnson family was up for
consideration yesterday. Hall of
Meriwether wants to inquire into
the eligibility of Dave Johnson.
Dave contests Dan’s seat. The im
pression increases that he will be
successful. In such an event Hall
would like to throw Dan out. The
whole matter was laid upon the table
as it should have been, as it will be
time enough to consider it when Dan
shall have been unseated.
Quite a discussion sprung up in
the House upon a message sent in
by Governor Conley. This message
disapproved a resolution which re
peals an act passed by the last Leg
islature, authorizing the Governor to
draw upon any unappropriated fund
indiscriminately, and requiring the
Treasurer to pay all such warrants.
The resolution, however, was passed
over the veto. The Senate had the
same under consideration when the
hour of adjournment came. If it
concurs in the action of the House,
it will enable Treasurer Angier to
place a still closer guard upon the
State Treasury. —Atlanta Sun, 12 Lh.
The Legislature.
In the Senate a resolution was
adopted making the election of
United States Senator the special
order for next Tuesday. A joint
resolution authorizing the joint Fi
nance Committee to inquire into the
financial condition of the State was
adopted with an amendment adding
two other persons to the committee.
The bill repealing “ the Akerman
Election Law” was passed yester
day.
In the House, the resolutions of
last General Assembly authorizing
the Treasurer to pay certain war
rants “ out of any funds not other
wise appropropriated” were passed
and transmitted. This resolution
was passed over the Governor’s vc
to New Era, \2lh.
General Stand Wattie —The
death of this distinguished Indian
chieftain robs the Cherokee nation
of its greatest ornament and bless
ing. It will be remembered that at
the outreak of our late war the Cher
okee Indians espoused the cause of
the South, and it was mainly due to
Gen. Stand Wattle’s position in, and
influence with, his tribe that this re
sult was accomplished. For this
service, as well as in recognition of
his great abilities and bravery in the
field, the Son of the Forrest was
made Brigadier Generaljin the pro
visional army of the Confederate
States.
But the General was not distin
guised by his feats of arms alone.
He was a man of great intelligence
and of much ability as a ready wri
ter. One of the most beautiful trib
utes ever paid to the memory of
Stonewall Jackson was the proudest
of his pen. In person he was said
to have been short and stout, while
his complexion was that peculiar to
bis race. Like other Indians, he
was cautious, wary and reticent; but
amid ihe inspiring roar of battle his
countenance was lit with the glow
and ardor of the born soldier. He
was the half-brother of Maj. E. C.
Boudinot, the distinguished repre
sentative of his people in the Con
federate Congress, whom many of
our readers will remember. In his
death the Cherokee Nation has lost
one of its noblest sons, whose devo
tion to the South merits this notice
at our hands.— Mont. Adv.
An Illinois farmer has told his rat
story. He was going out to his corn
crib the other morning, he says, when
he saw a large rat with head erect,
carrying a full-sized ear of corn in
his mouth, while at the same time his
tail was wrapped around another ear,
which he was dragging behind him.
“Well, Alick, how’s your brother
Ike getting along ?”
“Oh, first, rate ; he’s got a good
start in the world—married a widow
who has seven children.”
Smith, Wiki© & Cos., Proprietors’
FUN.
A girl that has lost her beau may
as well hang up her fiddle.
44 Mr. Showman, can the leopard
change his spots ?” “Yes, sir;
when he gets tired of one spot he
can go to the other.”
During the examination of a wit
ness as to the locality of the stairs
in a house, the counsel asked him,
“ Which way did the stairs run ?”
The witness, who by the way is a no
ted wag, replied, 44 One way they
ran up, but the other way they ran
down.”
The best adhesive plaster you can
put on baggage is to stick to it your
self.
A person who was called into
court for the purpose of proving the
correctness of a doctor’s bill, was
asked by a lawyer whether “the doc
tor did not make several visits after
the patient was out of danger.”
44 No,” replied the witness, 44 1 con
sider the patient in danger as long
as the doctor coutinues his visits.”
Tom presented his bill to his
neighbor Joe. 44 Why, Tom, it
strikes me that you make out a
pretty round bill here, eh ?" 44 1 am
sensible it is a round one,” quoth
Tom, 44 and I have come for the pur
pose of having it squared.”
Laugh at no man for his pug nose
—you can’t tell what may turn np.
The editor who kissed his sweet
heart, saying, 44 Please exchange,” is
believed not have to exceeded the
proper liberty of the press.
One of the best hits ever made at
an impropriety in a lady’s dress was
made by Tallyrand. During the
revolution, when asked by a lady
his opinion of her dress, he replied,
44 It began too late and ended too
soon.”
A young physician asked permis
sion of a young lady to kiss her, she
replied: “No, sir; I never like to
have a doctor’s bill thrust in my
face.”
A London witness having told the
magistrate he was a penman, was
asked in what branch of literature
he wielded his pen, and he replied
that he penned sheep in Smithfield
market.
A young man who had received a
44 blowing up” from his sweetheart,
retorted by calling her a windlass.
The woman who undertook to
scour the woods has abandoned the
job, owing to the high price of soap.
The last that was heard of her she
was skimming the sea.
A young gentleman who had just
married a little beauty, said, 44 She
would have been taller, but she is
made of such precious materials that
Nature couldn’t afford it.
An old bachelor having been
laughed at by a bevy of pretty girls,
told them that they were small po
tatoes. 44 We may be small pota
toes,” replied one of the maidens,
44 but we are sweet ones.”
It has been said that pantaloons
obtained on a credit are breeches of
trust.
Don’t carry your handkerchief in
your breast pocket. If you do—you
take a wiper to your bosom.
Business can never be well done,
that is not well understood ; which
cannot be without patience.
Men of great parts are often un
fortunate in the management of pub
lic business, because they are apt to
go out of the common road by the
quickness of their imagination.
Happiness is less valued when we
possess it than when we have lost it.
Every man esteems his own mis
fortune the greatest.
If thou hast done an injury to an
other, rather own it than defend it.
One way thou gainest forgiveness,
the other thou doublest the wrong
and reckoning.
Delays have been more injurious
than direct injustice.
Newton, Kansas, has no church,
but the proprietor of a whisky shop
offers his room to any minister who
may be disposed to preach therein.
Some minister ought to accept the
offer, and take for his text the words
of Joshua, 44 Out of the belly of hell
I cried.”
Young Brother—“ What’s the
matter Mary ? Are you unhappy
because neither of those fellows you
were flirting with at croquet jester
day proposed to you ?”
Mary—“ Both did, Tom. And—l
said yes to the wrong one!”
In rosponse to an inquiry of a sci
entific publication: Whence comes
fleas ? a Western journal says it
does not care a nickle, but would
like to know where in the thunder
they go to when you go for them.
It was the fashion formerly to
make your guests drunk and there
was a gentleman staying in a coun
try-house and they made him very
drunk; then they tarred and feath
ered him and put him to bed. In
the morning he woke and he wasn’t
sober then. He rose, went to a
cheval-glass, and looked at himself,
and said : ‘ A bird, by—!’
Olive Logan is going to lecture
this season on “ Nice Young Men.”
Last season she lectured on “Girls’
A crusty old baehelor hopes she wont
get these two lectures mixee up.
NEW SERIES. NO. 3