The Fayetteville news. (Fayetteville, Ga.) 18??-????, November 23, 1888, Image 1
vmm —!L'.!' ''"/*■'.- YOL. I. FAYETTEVILLE, GA., FRIDAY, NOVEMBER 23, 1888. NO. IT. m; I India, Central Asia and China produce about one-sixth of the 800,000 tons of the world’s annual wool clip. An American company has' Teased Aboukir Bay from the Egyptian Govern* ment to grow oysters therein. New York has found it necessary to Increase the taxes, and it is now $3.22 on the $100, and Philadelphia has done likewise and increased to $2.90 on $100. Even Jerusalem is in the nineteenth- century swim, and has a real estate boom. Land near the city has gone up Bve hundred per cent, within the last few years. A colored man by the name of Loss, who was'' lately convicted of murder in the first degree and sentenced to be hanged at Brandenburg, Ky., was granted a new trial on the ground (hat he had not been convicted by a jury ol his peers. Theie was no colored man on the jury that tried him. _ The taste for realism is extending, observes the Commercial Advertiser. In Nova Scotia the other day three small boytf, under eight years all of them, bound and gagged another small boy and proceeded to play “killing pig” so luccessfully that they cue his throat fatally to get the proper flow of blood. Lord Wolseley says that one of the bravest men he ever knew is Lieuienant- General Sir Gerald Graham, V. C., who was in chief command at the battle ol El Teb, in Africa. Graham is several inches over six feet in height, and rather Indolent physically. Many times Wolse ley has seen him endanger his life rather than take a few extra steps in safety. “Five million people upon the globe We now dependent on the electric cur rent for their daily bresd,” so said Mr. W. H. Preece, at the recent meeting ol the British Association held at Bath. “Scarcely a week passes,” he continued, “without some fresh practical applica tion of its principles, and w<? seem to be only on the Shore of that sea of economy ind beneficence which expands with jvory new discovery of the properties 61 Biectriclly, 'arid' sp«WtrtrTrtrendy BbfSiuf the mental grasp of any one single worker,” And what is in store beyond- for man’s research and conquest who jhall say? Statistics are not always interesting Teading, observes the New York Graphic, yet can any one fail to find cause for rejoicing when he reads the fact that the army of American school children who have resumed their studies numbers over 11,000,000? The latest data furnished by the Government shows that there are nearly 15,000,000 scholars enrolled upon the lists of our schools, and that tho average daily attendance is fully 11,- 000,000. Curiously enough the greatest progress in this line is evidenced whore one would least expect it. The Territory of-Dakota shows the most marked in crease in the number of her schools and scholars, and is followed closely by that oft slandered State, Indiana. In New Hampshire, Vermont, Ohio, Nevada and South Carolina there has been a mnrked decrease in the number of school children enrolled. Tho central States of the North are far ahead of all the rest of the Union, and the Southern States, while making rapid advance, still remain far in the rear as to the number of their children attending schools. ■The New York Independent presents its annual statistical exhibit of the vari ous churches in this country, compiled mostly from official sources. The follow ing is a general summary by denomina tional groups: churches, 4505 ministers and 774,081 communicants. By far the heaviest gain was among the Baptists—1587 churches und 3109 ministers. The Methodists, With their 48,285 churches, 28,313 min isters and 4,099,520 communicants, stand »t the head of the' denominations, the toman Catholics come next, and then J’fpsby^jnns, Lutherans, its and Episcopalians THE MYSTIC SIGN. “O gorgeous poppy, of rich renown Show us the way to Sleepy Town. Baby must go—he’s tired of play; But yet I think we have missed the way,** Then tranquilly up and down Waved tho flower of rich renown, And softly it seemed to say, , “This way—this way—this way— Is the way to Sleepy Town.” “O ripening wheat, all golden brown, Show us the way to Sleepy Town, How shall we find where the starlight gleams, On tho City of Sleep in the Land of Dreams!” Then soothingly up and down Went the wheat, all golden-broi And whispering seemed to say, “This way—this way—this way— Is the way to Sleepy Town.” 'O little one, with curly crown, Have you learned the way to Sleepy Town, Where faintest music, and softest light, And sweetest blossoms enchant the night?” Then drowsily up and down Went the beautiful curly crown, While tho tired eyes seemed to say, “This way—this way—this way— Is the way to Sleepy Town.” —Eudora S. Bumstead in St. Nicholas. AN UMBRELLA’S STORY. Cfl8. Min. Com. Adventists 1,563 835 100,441 Baptists 45,434 30,998 8,971,685 Christian Union.. 1,500 500 120,000 Congregationalists 4,404 4,000 457,584 Friends 700 500 107,008 German Evange’l.. 675 500 125,000 Lutherans 7,903 4,215 987,600 Mennonites 385 605 93,00.) Methodists 48,253 28,313 4,690,529 Moravians 94 108 10,936 New Jerusalem... 95 101 5,750 Presbyterians..... 13,057 9,5S6 1,136,035 Eposcopalians 4.766 3,931 416,735 Reformed 2,025 1,345 269,523, Roman Catholics. 6,829 5,596 7,200,000 Unitarians 375 488 20,000 Universalists 730 677 37,807 i Grand total.. 138,885 94,457 19,799,328 The net gain for the year was 0434 BY HAnitlET LAWSON. Clothed in rags too dilapidated to be called picturesque or even artistic, with broken ribs aud warped back-bone, it is no wonder that I lost my head; and all through the abomiuable taste of Arethusa and Adolphus, who chose “tho King’s highway” aud a tricycle on which to murmur sweet nothings instead of the vine-covered porch or summer house of good old-fashioued times. Atflftphus was leaning so much to our side that he appeared to be “all out of drawing,” while Aretliusa’s ear was of the brightest rose-pink and her left dimple in full play; moreover, she was perfectly uncon scious that the sunbeams had undisputed possession of her fair face, and were sure to abuse their advantage by a shower of freckles upon her Grecian nose. In vain the wind tugged at me and I tugged at Adolphus. He would not be warned, and the result was a mingling of girlish shrieks and strong masculine language, and a general upset coudition. As for me, I was so completely crushed that had it not been for the habit of a lifetime I should never have had the energy to observe and comment (sotto voce) as usual: “What fools these mortals be.” Adolphus-spraog promptly to his feet, very red, very much mortified, very anxious to find somebody or something "An btmue bes : de«“|*4*-o-war : 'a*irf*ie«»8«ws,.''- And there, peeping out through the big wheels, completely caged, sat Are thusa, looking as sweet and quiet (now that she had found terra firma) as a “sucking dove.” “The wretched machine! my poor darling! that horrid umbrella! Are you sure you are not hurt? A screw loose! A hole in the horrid road! I shall never forgive myself it' you are hurt!" ex claimed Adolphus all in a breath. “But I am not in the least injured,” lisped ihe caged pigeon sweetly, “and if I had been, it never could have been your fault; it was just some weak spot in the machine, just an unavoidable ac cident that no one could help.” “How sweet it is cf you to say so,” cried Adolphus, going to work at mov ing the turned-over tr.cycle; “but I shall not have a second’s peace till I see you on your feet again; then, if you really are unhar.i ed I cannot be altogether sorry lor the accident, for it has shown the exquisite amiability of yoiir dis position in all its perfection. I don’t believe there is a girl in a thousand, no, nor in the world, that would have borne such a trial without losing her temper.” This style of conversation proved so agreeable to both parties concerned that it would doubtless have been indefinitely prolonged, but Adolphus finally moved the wheels and disclosed to the view of the amiable prisoner the crushed remains of her new heliotrope hat! Then, indeed, came a change o’er her mobile face; the features sharpened, a stony glare filled her liquid eyes, there was a perceptible stiffening of the whole frame, and the straightest, stillest, tallest up-rising that lever beheld in my life. When shehad finally reached her highest possibility, she inquired in a voice not loud, but as clear and cold as cut glass: “Will you be kind enough to tell me, Mr. Radcliffe, what that object is?” “I am sure 1 don’t know,” said he with one puzzled look at her changed aspect, and another at*the object indi cated, going a step nearer as tho truth flashed upon him, but unfortunately on the ludicrous side. “Why, Arie,” ho shouted between peals of laughter, “it’s—it’s your new hat-.” And crushed, battered aud ut terly demolished, he presented it for nearer inspection, which p.oved quite too much for Arie’s cool dignity. “You meant, unfeeling creature,” she burst out, “to spoil my hat, and you had no business to tip that tricycle over. Do you suppose I would have risked that hat if 1 had known you were ex perimenting? Oh, yes! it may be a laughing matter to you, very amusing, doubtless 1 but are you aware that that hat came from Paris; not only that, but it was made to order to match my suit, and not till this very morning did 1 re ceive it!” Long before she had finished, Adol phus was feeling remarkably limp. “But Arie—but,ray dear,” he expostu lated, “you know it was all an accideut; don’t you think you are a little unrea sonable? What is it all about?” “I thought I had oxpla nod with suf ficient clearness what it was all about,” with a return of dignity. But a glance at the wrecked splendor freed her tongue •gain. “I dare say it would give you pleasure, yes, actual pleasure, to see me make a guy of myself by wearing a hat that didn’t match this suitl but I won’t, sir! ISo I I’ll burn the suit first” “Arethusa, don’t be a goose, and all about a hat, too!” and Adolphus now looked distressed enough to suit the most exacting fair lady. But not Are thusa, for there were tears in her eyes, and my observation has taught me that those tears must fall before the temper subsides. ‘ llow dare you call me names; I tell you it was a mean, contemptible, cow ardly ” “Arethusa,” interrupted Adolphus, very deep and very strong, and he did n’t look at all limp now, “you are going too far; I shall have to ask you to take that back.” “That I altogether decline to do,” replied Arethusa; “it was cowardly to ask me to ride when you did n’t know how to manage the machine.” Now, if Adolphus had observed femi nine nature of the round and rosy-, kind as closely ns I have, he would have held his tongue, for he would have seen the two tears just trembling on the wink of Arie’s eyelids, and known the trouble was nearly ended; but being only an exasperated man, he said very coldly: “Since that is your opinion, Miss Ander son, I will release you from all promises to me, as you would hardly care to be tied to a coward for life.” “Oh, thanks, very much,” responded Arie as sweetly and calmly as if she was accepting a glass of water; “it is very kind of you to think of it," and she busied herself removing a bit of mud from her dress. The sudden change of voice and expression made my head swim (although I had seen the two tears drop), and it evidently did Adolphus, for he looked puzzled, although his tones were still frigid as he inquired : “Do you prefer to walk' home, Miss Ander son, or will you trust yourself again to the tricycle and my inefficient hands:” “Oh, I think it would be better to ride since the tricycle is here; it would seem a pity to get all heated and dusty from the walk, don’t you think?” Then drawiug a blue silk handkerchief from her pocket, she tripped up to Adolptfus und observed in the most matter-of-fact way possible, “Would you mind, Mr. Radcliffe, just tying this under my chin; the ends are so shore I can't get at them? I am sorry to trouble you, but I'm afraid I shall take cold if 1 ride with nothing on my head.” “Yes, certainly,” answered Adolphus, awkwardly, and he tried still more awk wardly to tie a knot under the remark ably pretty chin that was held up for the purpose. The eyelashes were down, so he had an ample opportunity to observe that it was a remarkably pretty chin, with quite an unusually alluring assort- "fivent of dimples--aruupd the corner'* of the mouth and somehow', as he looked, the clouds passed away from his face, and holding the blonde head straight to ward him and very firmly by the knot he had succeeded in making, he said ! gently: “Arie, would you mind looking at me:” “Oh, net the least in the world,” was the demure answer, “only the sun hurts my eyes. ” “Caution is a very excellent trait,” he answered dryly, “but I do not know that I ever knew it to develop so sud denly. You might shield your eyes with your hands if you are really afraid of permanent blindness.” “Why, surely,” cried Arie, “you al ways are so full of resource in an emer gency,” and covering both pink palms over a pinker face, she looked at him with an expression of infantile admira tion so bright and warm that it would almost dry a wet umbrella 1 At all events, Adolphus was not proof against it, and a simultaneous burst of laughter broke from them that startled the robins in the branches overhead, which suggested to Adolphus that he should secure the perquisites that belonged to the occasion before any further interruption oc curred. This having been satisfactorily ar ranged he asked: “Now, tell me frankly, Arie, areu’t you a little bit ashamed to break your engagement for such a trifle ?" “I?” she exclaimed, “I break an en gagement; who would ever*suspect me of such a thing. I’ve always been taught that man was a dangerous animal and it was dangerous to contradict him when he was in earnest. Besides,” sho added, still more meekly, “it might lead to a quarrel.” “Well,” said Adolphus,highly pleased with this sally, “I suppose I shall be just fool enough to get you, sphinx as you are,” and * he seated her on the tricycle as caiefully as if she had been a Dresden chiua shepherdess; and thus for the first time his eyes dropped upon me where I lay in the gutter, wondering what quality of the masculine miud was that which led him to prefer to be made a fool of in this way ! “That umbrella is past all usefulness,” he observed indifferently; “we’ll just leave it where it is.” But Arethusa did not thiuk so. She wanted me “as a memento of their first falling out.” So I was brought along forthwith and enjoyed the privilege of listening to various plans for my restora tion to strength and beauty, besides a greatdeal of conversation quite too deli cate to bear pen and ink 1 The next morning I was handed over to the tender mercies of an umbrella sur geon, and his face was certainly a study as he examined me. My fractured ribs, my warped backbone, and generally broken up condition, evidently made a great impression upon him, for, adjust ing his glasses, ho looked searchingiy at Adolphus and asked dryly: “You didn’t make a mistake and bring the wrong umbrella, did you? This isn’t worth mending.” “Possibly I’m the best judge of that," with his most lordly air. “All right, all right, sir; if you don't mind paying twice as much as you would for a hew one, Pm sure I’ve no object ice to put my work on it.” And then followed a discussion as to my dross and equipments; that was intensely interesting to me, for I knew how much depended upon it. If some delicate color were chosen my life would indeed be a gay one, for I should be reserved for full-dress occasions, but, alas I how soon it would end! as fade I must, aud so be thrust aside into some dark corner and forgotten 1 So I was thankful enough when Adolphus decided (being of a literary turn) that I should be thoroughly red. “Remember, I want it as soon as possible,” were the last directions; and the surgeon, looking after his retreating back, observed, “a screw loose some where in that head ; oranks are thicker than usual this year.” And then he fell upon me, and such a wrenching and pulling and straightening of ribs nevei happened to one of my family before, 1 am certain, and I squealed and groaned at every pull; but it was done at last, and then came my dress, which went on comfortably and fitted to a charm, and I should have been quite satisfied if the surgeon had not discovered at the moment a fact that I tried vainly to hide, namely crack in my head 1 “This is the mischief to pay,” said he; “my crank will make it hot for me. if I don’t make a better job than this.” And he turned me thoughtfully over and over in his hands. “There is no use to try and glue that up; there’ll just have to be a new head, and I know where there is the very thing, at my neighbor’s, the pawn broker’s, on that broken cane that I saw there the other day, that will be just the style to suit my dude customer.” I felt this to be a fatal move, for how would the cane head ever accommodate himself to his reversed position iu life, and by the time my would-be friend came am’ ling back I was thoroughly de- | pressed, although I realized at the first glance that my new head was much handsomer than the old ; and in spite ol the fact that we were regularly joined together by a massive gold ring, nothing could change my foreboding that tht union would never be a happy one. Promptly on the following morning Adolphus called and hastened with mi to the abode of the fair Arethusa, whe received me with delight, and expressed her admiration in most eloquent terms, saying: “Just fancy! and how awfully jolly!” (Oh, yes, she was very English in- i deed!) a great many times in ali her choicest tones. This, of course, was very soothing to my feelings, but I was not long allowed to bask in the honeyed words, for pieknicking was the order of the day, and I was immedi ately called into requisition and my troubles began. At the first whiff- of wind my head made a violeut effort to AiZiiaio his natural position and drag mv pretty dress in the dust, an effort" wEien 1 resented and strained every bone to prevent; aud in the commotion that en sued there was another hat catastrophe; but this time it was Mr. Kadcliffe who was the sufferer, aud much diversion his antics afforded us, as he ambled and leaped, and scrambled and climbed back and forth on a stone wall in his pursuit of it, and madeh'mself generally ridiculous in full view of his lady-love, as she stood cool and serene in the rosy shade, which, in my gratitude for hold ing me firmly aloft, I shed over her in profusion. I am sorry to be obliged to state that his race was enlivened by oc casional breezy expressions, to which Arethusa and I politely closed our ears. “Why, my dear,” said she sweetly, when, red and disgusted he rejoined ut hearing captive the muddy hat, “I am afraid so much exercise must have fa tigued you so soon after breakfast.” The words were sympathetic enough, but unfortunately there was a full blown twinkle in her eyes utterly at va riance with them, and it was this that Adolphus’s quick glance took in at once, and to this he respond, d irritably, “Oh, I quite understand; I daresay you de liberately pushed my hat off with that detestable umbrella for the sake of see ing me make myself ridiculous.” “Why, Dolphy! how can you say such things! I’m sure it was very pretty to see you play with the wall so nicely. I had no idea you were so agbe!” Dolph’s vanity was touched to the quick now. ‘ ‘Oh, I dare say you would have been equally diverted if I had fallen aud broken my neck,” he returned acridly. “Since that is your opinion,” mimick ing very successfully his manner of the previous day, “I give youback all prom ises, :.s you would hardly care to be bound for life to a murderess!” Then she remarked absently: “Aud all about a hat, too 1” Then it was that I appreciated the full meaning of the saying that “two is a company and three is none.” for those two ungrateful wret hes a:reed to call poor, inoffensive me tho sour e of all dis agreement, and between them left me without a slued of character, actually deciding to do without my protection for all time. “But we’ll keep it to lend to trouble some callers,” and with this pleasaut prospect before me I was returned to the umbrella si and with a bang!—American Magazine. Twos Raised to Tens. Quite a number of silver certificates are iu circulation in this city which have been raised from $2 to $10. The two large figures on the back have b.en ob literated aud the figure “2” on tho face cutout and a figure “10” inserted, be ing held in place by court plaster. NY here the word “two” is spelled out the last two letters aro obliterated, leaving only the “t” It is well calculated to deceive unless the bill is particularly noticed.— , Burlington Free Pres*. A mong lawyers, Erskino at the English b ir and Pinkney at the American bar stmd at the front for variety combined with great abilities. HOCSEOLD MATTERS. To Clean Paint Work. A steamboat steward says that house keepers should go to a steamboat for lessons on cleaning paint work. The cabin of a steamboat, painted a clear white,is kept quite as if the painter had just left it, being not only clear, but having a beautiful polish. All that ii necessary is a little water, a sponge, pure castile soap, and a smooth cloth for rub bing after the dirt has been washed oil with the 6ponge. The rubbing restores the polish. Many people pamt every year, whereas if the paint is washed in this way it will show clear and with a high polish for four or five years.— Prairie Farmer. Use Plenty of Apples. Apples are abundant and cheap this year, says the New York 1 Vitaea, and there is no more useful fruit. Law, stewed, baked or piibserved,-they are wholesome, toothsome and nutritious. The fail apples are the most juicy and’ delicious, but do not keep, and for that reason have to be sold cheap. Every good-sized family should bay a barrel of them at once for immediate use, and save them from spoiling by eating them up, A considerable portion of them might also be made into jelly by coring them and boiling skin and all. Led ap ples are best for this purpose, as the color of the skin gives a fine rich tint to the jelly. A liberal allowance of lemon juice should be added to the apple juice and an equal weight of sugar, and the whole boiled into a jelly. It is the cheapest of all jellies, and remarkably good when well made. Bought apple jelly is not nearly so nice, and can seldom be relied upon. It is frequently made from the refuse of ti e evaporating es tablishments, that is, the cores, and skins and wormy apples. LOVE'S SUFWCIBNC^' Tie said by the poet, It is better far To love and lose. Than never to have loved at all. But I— I may-not choose, For then has come into my life a love Bo fierce, so strong, That I am helpless in its grasp, content To drift along. At first I kflew not ’twas Love’s sea I had Bet sail upon, Bo, happy, floated on, with half-dosed eym. Through shade and sun; What heeded I which way I went, with him My boat to guide!— What dangers had the unknown sea, if be Was by my side! I woke to find myself in waters strange, No land in sight; All things seemed radiant, new. A mighty flood Of rare delight Swept o’er my startled soul; the sky, the waves With glory shone, Am was revealed the rapturous thrill of love, Till then unknown. And now let shadows fail, let storms arise, On his dear breast, Shielded and safe, I lie, while shelt’ring arms Fold me to rest. The night may come, it holds no dread for me; His tender kiss Boothes all my fears,and fills my happy heart With perfect bliss. —Frank Leslie's. Pickles. For pickles of all kinds use the best cider vinegar and not an acid, vinegar, so-called, it canm-t be too strong, as it is weakened when scalded. L nsealded vinegar does not keepwell with pickles. Ne\er use a metal vessel in p ckliog; it should be either granite ware or por celain. Fickle* should be examined fre quently and the soit ones taken out. If white specks appear in the vinegar drain it off and scald; add a half teacup of sugar to each gallon and p u:r aga n over the pickle*. A few bits of hmse radish or a few cloves added will imp:ove the flavor. All vegetables or fruits for pickling, except for sweet pickles, should be sound, but not quite ripe. Do not scald cucumbers, but soak them in salt und water. Boiled beets cau be p ckled whole, first removing the outer skin, to be sliced - wbeu required. stables that fcquirc lo-i.e boiled oe6< ;i before pickling will be whiter if a litt e lenioh or green grape juice i* added to the water, as cabi-age, cauliflower, white beets or onions. For green vegetables put a little soda in the water to preserve the color. Care sho ;ld be taken not to scald too much, or they will be soft aud tasteless. Always have the vegetables or fruit perfectly cold before pouring over the vinegar, wnich should be in ali cases very hot A good average of spices to a quart of pickles is an even teaspoon each of all spice and peppercorns, one-half a tea spoon of mustard seed, a piece of Jamaica ginger one inch long and a tablespoon of stick cinnamon broken.—Detroit Free Fress. Household Hints. Use a warm knife ia cutting warm bread and the like. A paste of whiting and benzine will remove spots f:oin marble. A salt ham should be soaked over night in plenty of soft water previous to boil ing. After washing a wooden bowl place it where it will dry equally on all sides, away from the stove. Fruit stains on white goods can be re moved by pouring boiling water directly from the kettle over the spots. Hive sirup is good for croup or inflam mation of the lungs. It must be kept iu a cool place, for if it sours it is \ ery poisonous. If you want poached eggs to look par ticularly nice cook each egg in a mu n ring placed iu the bottom of a saucepan of boiling water. A creaking hinge can be cured by the use of a black lead pencil of the softest number, the point rubbed into all the crevices of the hinge. Corks may be made air and water tight by keeping them for five minutes under melted paraffine. They must be kept down with a wire screen. For cleaning bra-s use a thin paste of plate powder, two tablespoonfuls of vine gar, four tablespoonfuls of alcohol. Rub with a piece of flannel; polish with chamois. t-'uet should be cooked before it is stale. Boil for two or three hours, then strain through a linen cloth. One-fourth of this fat and three-fourths lard is a good mixture for frying doughnuts. Be very particular about disiufectiug the kitchen sink. Washing soda, two tablespoonfuls to a gallon of boiling water, makes au excellent wash to pour hot into the sink at after you have fin ished using it. It has been estimated that if the heat generated within the body were allowed to accumulate within us, aud none to b; given off, it would be sufficient to rahe ihe body to the boiling point in thirty, tix hour*. According to Pasteur and ( h smberland, typhoid bacillus is in ninety nine cases out of a hundred communicated through drinking water. PITH AND POINT. He was only a finished gymnast when he fell from the trapeze and broke hia neck. Very often the “May I?” of courtship ia answered by the “You must” of matri mony. In teaching a boy drawing give him the premises and let him draw his own con clusions. In all the vocabulary of quarantine there is no such word as hospitality.— Picayune. That bread riot in France was partici pated in by loafers.—Pittsturg Chronicle- Ttlegraph. When poverty is abolished, what a hard time every one will have doing all hia own work. In Texas a man rarely cuts an ac quaintance, but a stranger from the Easl has to be mighty careful.—Harper*I Bazar. ; The man who falls out of a balloon realizes the gravity of the aituution be fore he has dropped five miles.—Harper** Bator. The difference between being burned out and tired out is tire. case you get tut insurance.—jfaiiSSuM Breeze. Tom—“Do you know, Jack, thal woodpecker reminds me of my tailor.” Jack—“Why ? Because he bores so with his bilL” A man that marries a widow is bound to give up smoking and chewing. It she gives up her weeds for him, h« should give up the weed for her.—St. Louis Humorist. The leaflets brown and scarlet Are losing all their grip; They flutter from the branches, And dow n the breezes slip, While the robin packs his singlet And scoots to Mississipp. Old Man’s Darling (imploring!—“Tell me the worst, doctor. Believe me. I can stand it.” Smart Doctor .doubtfully!— •T don’t koow about that. However, nerve yourself, then, madame. Your husband will get well.”—Sittings. Too High a Valuation: Customer-to bird fancier)—“My wife wants a parrot. What's the lowest you will take for that bird." Bird Fancier—“Fifty dollars, sir, is rock-bottom.” Parrot—“Come off, you’ve tried to sell me for twenty!” —Life. A cat market has been started in Paris which has led some one to prophesy a unique market report, running thus: Tabbies, dull; toms, buoyant; kittens, lively; Angoras, depressed; brindled, very brisk: Persians, in great demand; tortoiseshells, heavy.—New York Post. Impatient Husband—“Where in the world have you been? I want my din ner.” Wife—“Excuse me, John, but I ran down to the Sewing Society at five/ snd to my surprise it didn’t wind up until eght. Husband—“You mean it was wound up at five and didn’t run down till eight.”—Sun. Squirrel Skins and the Weather. Tacked upon the wall in one corner of my room are three native gray squirrel ikins. The agile chatterers that were once within these soft jackets were shot last October in the Maine woods, and their furs were t inned and sent to me at the same time by au enthusiastic sportsman of my acquaintance. The ordinary way in which these skins are preserved in the country, is by merely tackim* them upou a good broad shingle, sprinkling a little salt over them and then settiug aside for a week to dry. For almost a year now have these furs been upon my wall in a soft, pliant and dry coudition. as they sh >uld be. Last Tuesday, though, when the atmosphere was so excessively sat urated with moisture I found them soak ing wet, with great beads of water distrib uted over the surface. The salt with which they were permeated, had simply been unable to withstand the humidity in the air, and had, of a consequence, been dissolved by it. If squirrel skins prove to be such an accurate register of atmos pheric moisture, it might not be a bad idea for the Signal Service Bureau to adopt them henceforth as standard hy grometers, or at least to use them in con nection with their other iustrumenta. My skins, as I write, are in normal coa lition again.’’—New York Newt.