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the noDEVtv trnooL TEArnrjL
'Twin Saturday night, and a teacher t
Alone her task pursuing;
She averaged this and she averaged that,
Of ail that her class was doing,
She reckoned percentage so many boys,
And so many girls ail counted,
And marked all the tanly and ahaentQM,
And to whai all the absence amounted.
Karnes anti residences wrote In full,
O’er many columns nnd pages;
Canadian, Teutonic. African, Celt,
And averaged all their ages,
The date of admission of every one,
And cases of flagellation;
And prepared a list of gruduatet
For the county examination.
Her weary head sank low on her book.
And her weary heart still lower;
For some of her pupils had little brain,
And she could not furnish more.
She slept, the dreamed ; it seemed she died,
And nor pirit went to Hades,
And they met her there with a question fair,
" Stall? what the per cent, of your grade i? M
Ages b.id slowly rolled away,
Leaving but partial trace*;
And the teacher’s spirit walked uo day
In the old familiar places.
A mound of fossilized school reports
Attracted her observation,
As high a* the State-house dome and as wide
As Boston since annexation.
She came to the spot where they buried her bones,
A ml the ground was well built over:
Tint laborers digging threw out a skull,
Once planted beneath the clover.
A disciple of Galen, w andering by,
Paused to look at the. diggers;
Ami plucking the skull up, look'd through tho eyo,
And saw it was lined with figures.
44 Just as I thought,” said the young M. D.—
•• How easy It is to kill ’em I
Statistics ossified every fold
Of cerebrum and cerrebellurn.”
“ It’s a great curiosity, sure,” said Pat,
“ By the bones you can tell the creature 1”
14 Ob, nothing strange,” said tho doctor; 44 that
Was a iiini'teentli-ceiitury teacher.”
Jiottrm Timet.
Stories About Blind Mon.
Three men, two of them blind, were
drinking together one night, in the room
of a public house, find as is too often the
result of sueli convivial meetings, one of
the blind men quarreled find came to
blows with the man that could sec. Here
was likely to boa battlo not by any
means on equal terms. But tho other
blind man was equal to tho occasion.
That the man who could see should have
no unduo advantage over his less fortu
nate opponent, up jumped tho blind
friend and turned off the gas, and so
they pommeled each other in u harmless
wuy for a time. Wo have given oil il
lustration of tho warlike pa-nion. As
an offset we could give many illustra
trations flf the gentler passion, love, for
the blind are eminent disciples of Cupid
and Hymen. Asa rule a respectable
blind man has no difficulty in getting a
seeing wife, and very often with good
looks to boot. And whi n wo consider
Mac; dcllt'-m j uf kuutAl ill lilt) -Ll
of the blind, tho latter is not to bo
wondered at. Blind men, however, do
not always marry wives who see. We
know of many instances in which both
husband and wife are blind, and have
managed to rear families without the
occurrence of any serious mishap either
to themselves or the children. Anil tho
cases are rare in which tho latter are de
fective in sight. Only lately the marriage
took plain of a blind couple somewhat
advanced in years, she being his second
wife, and lie her third blind husband.
Tho marriage Was not wanting in tho
elements of romance, for in their young
days they had courted, and parted, blind
iu a double sense. Wo will conclude
with a courtship, but in this case will
not vouch for its truth. A blind iiiun on
several occasions mot a widow, who was
not, however, like himself, blind, anil
latterly oonei’ided that she would make
him a good wite. Ho resolved that ho
would “pop the question” without loss
of time. Accordingly, one evening found
himoin the widow's house for that pur
pose, when his suit was entirely success
ful. But so elated was he with his suc
cess that, on leaving Iter door, ho forgot
bo was up a flight of stairs. Tho stair
case window being very low, and liap
lieuing to be open, ho felt the air on his
icateil brow, and at once stopped out
without thinking where he was, and so
fell into the court below. Tho widow,
hearing tho noise, rail down, greatly
alarmed, but was fully reassured Unit no
bones were broken by' his remark:
"Maggie, ye hue a big step to your
door I”— Chambers’ Journal.
A Conundrum Explained,
“How do yon come to auk six dollar*
for this load of firewood, when John
Hinitli your neighbor, offers the name
kind of wood for four dollars?’’ was tho
question Gilhooly asked of the man in
charge of a load of fuel m Austin.
“ Well, you see I am going to bo in
dicted for stealing this wood, and I will
have to pay a lawyer to prove my inno
cence. That's whv I linvo to charge two
dollars a loud extra.”
“ Doesn't John Smith steal his wood,
too ?”
“Certainly lie does, lb' cuts it off
we same tract et Inin! where I got this."
“ Well, doesn’t ho have to hire a law
yer, too, to prove his innocence.”
“Of course not. Ho is novor indicted
by the Grand Jury."
“ Why don’t tho Grand Jury indict
him ?”
“ Hecnnse he’s always appointed fore
man. He has got more influence than I
have.’’ —Texas Siflinys.
A lfenmrkable Hen,
Joe Grimes, a well-known citizen of
Hardin County, near Stepbenshurg, told
a (btnmercial reporter that he had ou
Ins place a common dunghill lieu, which
was twelve years old, and that she had
laid an egg every day except about two
months of each year since her first, and
that during those two months she had
raised an average of twent y-five chickens
per annum. Hbe sings as cheerfully now,
and cackles as loudly at her work as she
did eleven years ago when she first be
gan the discharge of her important du
ties. At this rate, his bon in eleven
years must have laid 8,35f) eggs, which,
at 15 cents per dozen, would have_
brought $89.45 ; and would have raised"
275 chicks, which at s.l per dozen, would
have brought $68.75, makiug a total of
$108.20, from which take $2 per annum
for keep, or say $24 and tnere ia left a
clear profit of $84,20. Who can beat
this? —Louisville Commercial.
Entertaining Company.
I pray you, oh excellent wife, not to
oumbvu yourself and uie to get a rich
dume! lor Una man or this woman who
has alighted at our gat.*, nor a bed
. humbel made ready at too great a
Boat. These things, if they ire curi
ous in, they can get for a dolhu at the
■railage But let tins stranger see if he
will, m your looks, in your accent and
behavior, your heart and earnestness,
your thought and will, what he cau
not buy at any price, ut any village or
city, anil which ho may well travel
fifty miles, and dine sparingly, and
sleep hard, in order to behold. Cer-
Uniiy let the board be spread and the
oed lie dressed for Uie traveler, but
let not the emphasis of hospitality be
in these things. Honor to the house
where they are simple to the verge of
Hardship, so that tn ■ intellect is awake
md sees the laws of the universe, the
soul worship trutn and love, honor
in 1 c in tesy How in tv* all deeds. — H.
HI JJmcrsvn.
Aversions of Appetite.
l)r. Oswald calls attention, ia the
Cupular Science Monthly, to the fact
that an antipathy to a special dish indi
cates the presence of a constitutional re
pugnance, which it is not wise to disre
gard. He says ;
1 knew a Belgian soldier on whom
common salt, in any combination, and
in any dose exceeding ten penny weights,
acted as a drastic poison, and thousands
of Hindoos cannot taste animal food
without vomiting.
Similar effects liuve obliged individu
als to abstain fre~ onions, sage, parsnips
and even from Irish potatoes. Dr.
Pereira mentions the ease of an English
boy who had an incurable aversion to
mutton:
“ He could not oat mutton in any form.
The peculiarity was supposed to lie
awing to caprice, but the mutton was re
peatedly disguised and given to him un
known ; but uniformly with the same
result of producing violent vomiting wad
diarrhea.
“ And from the severity of the effects,
w hich were in fact those of a virulent
poison, there can bo little doubt that, if
die ii e of mutton had been persisted in,
it would soon have destroyed the boy’s
life.”
We know a lady whose missionary
work in Burmah has attracted the atten
tion of English-speaking people, who
■ould not eat rice. Once when she was
visiting in England, her hostess, think
ing the aversion a more whim, put a
table-spoonful of rice in tho soup
Though the soup was strained before
lining served, anil not a grain of rice was
to be seen in it, yet the moment the lady
(listed it she exclaimed, " Oh, there’s
rice in this soup 1” and wus obliged to
leave tho table.
Josh Bntlngfl.
The famed writer of the Yankee prov
erbs is now alsmt silty in years, and
shows it. His hair, which is as long and
unkempt os ever, is iron gray, and his
stiff, drooping mustache is fast changing
to tho color of old age. As ho grows
older, ho seems to liecome more and
more supremely regardless of persons,
surroundings or opinions. As he greets
one with a machine-like "How do ye
do,” or an inanimate "Good day," the
impression is conveyed that he has ar
rived at the state of life and prosperity
where lie deems fate powerless to work
any alteration for worse. Billings is es
sentially a mau to himself, taciturn and
unobtrusive everywhere. He is not so
popular as formerly, his only work now
being that which appears in the New
torn weetuy. Fortins service he re
ceives, perhaps, $3,000 a year. His
royalty from tho circulation of "Prov
erbs, his almanacs and other works
swell his yearly income to about SS,(KX).
lie is now a willing, but uot an attractive
lecturer; his services in this field are
small and waning demaud. From the
proceods of hig labor he has amassed a
fortune of over $50,000. All tikis money
apparently affords himself and wife but
meager and inelegant comfort. They
pass a quiet, relegated, but doubtless
contented life, in an unpretentious
Sixty-third street dwelling-house, the
garret of which is made to answer the
combined purposes of literary sanctum
and store-house. —From a New York
Letter.
Trying to Beat an Honest Toll-Keeper.
“ When I went from Canon to Bodie,
Col., on horseback,” said Major Mux,
“the road was uot very good, the toll
houses on either side were numerous,
and when I had traveled a few miles I
know my money would soon give out,
us each tollman assessed mo from $1 to
$6. I resolved to retrench. The next
tollman, who came out on a pair of stilts,
yelled out: ‘ Foot or horseback ?’
‘ Font,’ says I, although I kucw my
horse was still under me, for I could see
his ears stick up above the mud once in
a while. Well, in that way I escaped
payment for a long time, telling the toll
men, whether they asked me or not, that
1 was traveling afoot. Everything went
smoothly uutil at a toll-house where a
big, burly rasoal came out on stilts and
carrying a shot-gun. Just as I had as
sured him I was afoot the mustang I
rode stretched his whole head out of the
mud fur a breath of air. I never felt so
mortified in my life, but I could not
hliimo the horse, for it hadn’t taken a
breath for forty miles. The mau leveled
his gun at me and remarked : ‘ Yera
nice party to try and beat an honest toll
keeper out of $lO. How d’ye expect
we’re goin’ to keep this road in order if
we don't get paid for it ?' ’’
The Magnetic Needle.
A condensed explanation in regard tc
the needle pointing to the northward and
southward is as follows : The magnetic
poles of tlie earth do not coincide with
the geographical polos. The axis ol
rotation mokes an angle of about 230
with a line joining the former. The
northern magnetic pole is fit present
near the Arctic circle, on the meridian ol
Omaha. Hence tlie needle does not
everywhere point to the astronomical
north, and is constantly variable within
certain limits. At San Francisco it
IHiinta about seventeen degrees tc the
east of north, and at Calais, Me, ns
much to the west. At the northern
magnetic pole, a balanced needle points
with its north end downward in a plumb
lino. At San Francisco it dips about
sixty-throe degrees, and at tiie southern
magnetic pole the south end points
directly down. The attraction of tin
earth upon ti magnetic needle at its sur
face is of about the same form as that ot
s hard steel magnet, lortv inches long,
strongly magnetized, at a distance of oik
foot. The foregoing is the accepted ex
planatiou of the fact that tlie nee.’li
points to tlie uorihward and southward.
Of course, no ultimate reason can lie
given for this < atural fact, any mure than
for any other observed fact in nature "
Taking Advantage of Nature.
Au ingenious application of ez(>ansiou
and contraction iu metals whs made use
of in France, aud has frequently lmen
taken advantage of since. The walls of
ii large building in Paris were oliserved
to Is - giving way by bulging outward,
and the problem was to bring them buck
to tlieir vertical position. For this pur
jiose a number of liars of iron having
crews and nuts on each end were let
hrough tlu opposite - walls and across
lim intervening sjiaoe between them.
he nuta and screwed portion of the
bars were outside. Tlie bar* were now
heated by a nnmlier of lamp* susp<*n led
Inflow them until they had expanded as
much us possible, and tlie uuts screwed
up against the outsides of the two oppo
site walls. The lamps wens next re
moved, when the heated bars, in cool
ing, gradually contracted in length,
bringing the wnlls very gently, hut with
irri -istilile force, into tlieir normal posi
tion.-—Scientific American.
BiDMßsm dfegiMo* the King of
Sweden. "At supper, 1 * say* ins*
Knight, "his Majesty was seen to scratch
iiis head with his fork, and also with his
knife and afterwords go on eating with
them.” But filers ia this to sav: Areal
blue-blooded King would never rake hi#
head with his forefinger, and a uin*-carat
diamond.
WEDDING ETIQUETTE.
UfwMllM Which > SlnibluK Maldta
■mlicS rran ih* AtkeUe Kdllor.
ICbicaf° Tribune. ]
“ Excuse me, gentlemen,” said th
Sou ug lady, “ but which one of you is
le society editor ?”
“ We don’t keep one on this paper,
miss,” said tho horse critic, "but the
whols gang take a crack at that style of
journalistic labor once in a while. Is
there anything we can do for you I”
“ I was going to ask,” said the girl,
“ if it would be too much trouble for you
to gives me some hints as to the proper
way to receive and dispose of guests at
a wedding, how the supper shall lie
served, and so forth. ”
“ You want to know what is en rigyle
and recherchy os the French say,” re
marked the horse man. “We can give
you the correct pointer. Are you the
blnshing bride ?”
“ Yes, sir," said the girl, in a rather
weak voice; “that is —”
"Oh, I understand,” said the horse
editor, " I appreciate your feelings. I
was once young and bashful myself.
Now about this wedding. The receiving
part is easy. After the nuptial ceremony
is concluded, you and Mike—”
"But his name isn’t Mike,”, said the
young lady. “ His name is—”
“On, I know all about that," said tho
equine journalist. "Of course his name
is Adalbert or Reginald, or some other
dry goods clerk nonsense, but in giving
advice we always allude to the sucker as
Mike, and call the bride Hannah. It
saves time. Now, after you aud Mike
are married, you want to jog along home
and plant yourselves at the back end of
tho parlor. Better have a floral bell or
something like that to stund under, be
cause it is considered the best thing, and
makes a better toot ensemble as the
French say. Then tho guests they get
in line and go by you on a slow march—
a kind of ‘we huned him sadly by dead
of night’ clip, and you shake hands with
each other and say : ‘Thunks, awfully;’
and they look at you and Mike as if you
were a pair of prize cattle aud feel sorry
for you.”
“And the supper,” said the young
lady.
"Oh, yes, the supper. Well, at some
weddings they leeil in tho dining-room,
and at others each guest sits on a chair
and has his lunch brought to him. Now,
I always advise the use of chopped feed
at weddings—bring on the ham sand
wiches and the ice crei m at the same
time. They can’t eat the sandwiches
first, yon know, because if they do tho
cream will melt, and if they throw in
the cream to start with, the sandwiches
like Banquo’s gliorft—they will not
down;” and the home reporter winked
vigorously at tho dramatic critic, in order
to attract the attention of that person to
hii able joke. But tbe critic, was trying
to smoke a cigar that, the advance agent
of the whale had given him, and did not
look.
“Of course," continued tho biographer
of Goldsmith Maid, “ it would be 1 Hitter
if you could give each guest u box stall
and throw the feed in early in the even
ing, but this is not always practicable,
so youliad better keep on the old racket, ”
"I am sure I am very thankful, sir,
for the interest you Lave taken in this
matter,” said the girl, “nnd I shall fol
low your advice. Which is tho way
down stairs, please ?”
"There are two ways,” replied the
horse reporter. “You can jump down
tho hatchway or take the stairs. Our
elevator never runs.”
How Old Growler Fixed the Inspector.
At ono of the most isolated post* in
Oregon, situated several hundred miles
distant from the settlements, but in
point of accessibility further away than
China, the commanding officer was a
cavalry officer who enjoyed the sobri
quet of “ Old Growler.” The only ser
vant that was ever persuaded to go to
this post was a nurse, who hud become
attached to an officer’s family anil, fol
lowed their fortunes into the mountains.
Her reoeption soon rivaled those of the
post-trailer, nnd before slio had been
there two weeks, every soldier in tbe
garrison had proposed, and she finally
announced to her mistress that she was
married. “Growler” Bail uo servni.*
but au old soldier, who was so broken
down that lie was not of much uso for
anything else, took caro of tho dotails of
his hut. One day the inspector of the
department came, and, as was the cus
tom, stopped with tho commanding of
ficer. The inspector happened to bo one
of those gentlemen who trouble them
selves about little things at the ex]>ense
of matters of graver import He could
tell whether the pickles at a post com
missary were good or bad, while a con
tractor might steal thousands of dollars
under his very nose aud escape detec
tion. This observing gentleman noticed
that the man who took, care of the hut,
cooked and served the commandant's
meals, was a soldier. So he took occa
sion to say that unless that soldier was
present next day with hi* company at
inspection he should lie compelled to
report the aforesaid commanding officer.
Growler smoked his pipe, ruminated
aud said nothing. The next morning
when the inspector arose he found his
host still smoking and ruminating.
They chatted on various subjects for
half an hour or so ; then an hour passed
by ; the hour for iusjieetiou was rapidly
approaohing, when the inspector re
turned to inquire what time his host
usually breakfasted, “ I beg your par
don," said Growler, “l have hail my
breakfast so long ago that I quite forgot
about you. Just go through there into
the kitchen and you will find a coffee
pot and some coffee iu the pantry. I
made my own coffee this morning. Just
help yourself. If you want to black
your boots for iusi>ectiou, you will find
the blacking and a brush under the
luanch on the right-hand side—just help
yourself— Dennis has goue back to Iris
company."
New Cooking Utensil.
The ordinary range aud cook-stove in
which tlie fire box is placed at the side
of tlie oven, or iu which the proceeds
of combustion pass over tlie top, have
the disadvantage of an irregularly heat
ed oven. The sides and top are hotter
than tho bottom and ends or other side,
and as a rosult the bread or other food
is improperly cooked—perhaps burned
at.top while badly done at the bottom.
To correct this defect in ovens a simple
Mipliance has been devised for causing
the air in the oven to circulate, and thus
carry the heat obtained by radiation to
all parts of the oven. A shoot of metal,
bent into the form of the top and oue
aide of the oven, is supported on wire
standards and placed in the oven. In
the narrow space l>etween the e.ieet
metal and the hot side and top of the
oven tbe air is heated more t han in the
main body of the oven. And by expan
sion it rises and moves over the top of
the oven toward the oooler walls. The
arrangement, simple as it is, appears to
ba founded on a good idea, and is re
ported to work well in practice. The
apparatus examined was portable, and
is aomgned to be put in the oven by the
cook whenever an even heat is needed,—
Century Maaaeine.
Indiscretions of the Gossips.
Some odious cynic recommended a
wife and mother-in-law as the best me
diums for making known the things that
all the world is interested iu knowing.
Of course no man worthy the name will
subscribe altogether to such a brutality
as this. There have often been known
mothers-in-law who didn’t keep the latch
key nor count the wine bottles. There
are known to be wives who do not in
voke "mamma" when the little aggrava
tions that are bound to mar the smooth
est matrimonial excursions intervene be
tween tho kisses of breakfast and the
pouting of midnight. But, all this be
ing admitted, why is it that a publio
place is chosen by preference for the un
raveling of household knots or the toss
ing about of the ball of scandal? Why
is it that when she gets her marabout
feather, sealskin cloak and soven-button
kids on the joy of the house carries the
pent-up treasures of the home on the
end of her tongue to shrill out to an
audience of strangers in the parquette,
balcony or dread circle ?
During the last Empire, as well as the
first, a favorite trick of the head of the
police was the creation of public senti
ment by an Ingenious process, of which
public gossip was the main point.
Wherever crowds came together some in
tensely respectable member of society
would let fall a remark criticising sharply
the government or its measures. To
this open challenge a comrade, also
plethoric in all the outward signs of
gentility, would make an equal pointed
declaration of his admiration for the
libeled officials. The conversation
would, of course, assume the wonted
French vivacity and airy phantasy of il
lustration that makes even the most
ordinary talk of the Gallic person as
good as a play. Of course in the end the
imperial champion was sure to get tho
better of his artrabilious adversary, and
tho listeners were of course impressed
by all they had heard from the well-in
formed intellectual athletes. In the ma
jority of encounters the pebble of con
versation thrown into the pool set con
tinually growing circles in motion, so
that the whole company were soon push
ing on the propaganda, other agents be
ing conveniently stationed to give it the
pi opei' piquancy of personality and risi
ble scandal.
The neat nr.afc original Barnum will
find it for his gain to seize this hint.
Who that has ever been in a theater or
crowd lias not marked tho proneness of
women to take the world into tlieir con
fidence? Conversation containing inti
mate details of domestic history is
bowled out trippingly on the tongue, the
diseoursivo gossip casting glances ou all
sides to see if there is an' attentive circle
taking in her enlivening confidences.
Who that has sat behind personages af
flicted with this craze at a public per
formance that has not longed for the
ancient Persian custom that forbade
women opening tlieir mouths in the
presence of strangers? But the women
are not tho worst in these publio indis
cretions. The artless youth of tho period
has his confidences to ruuke in public
and these at the awkward moment when
an elderly neighbor fatigued with the
inanities of actual life seeks surcease in
the mimic humors of the scene. At such
a moment it really does not interest him
to know down to tho utmost detail the
lurid amours of the callow youths who
seek in the theater an audience for their
infinitesimal legs and indescribable body
gear generally, rather tliau the wit anil
wisdom of the play. It is true that dur
ing intermissions persons who have uot
seen each other for some time have the
social rights of the drawing-room; but
during such Intervals every one is sup
posed to be bent on entertaining his or
her neighbor, and the general buzz is
supposed to cover any ordinary tone of
voice, unless groups of lovers or moth
ers-in-law protecting their darlings from
“brutes” of husbands - . — Philadelphia
Times.
Lively Time on the Railroad.
Some people seem horn with a faculty
of raising the ancient masculine juvenile.
They get folks who are minding their
own business and merely want peace and
quiet, into all sorts of scrapes. The fac
ulty is peculiarly developed iu the com
mercial tourist isually referred to us a
drummer. He's the man who makes
love to all the petty servant girls ill the
hotels and gets their notions so high that
they won’t notice the porters, and it
makes the latteiwantto "slug” the drum
mers. Oie of this class of gentlemen
was at au up-com try railway Btationjind
discovered, while waiting for a train, a
wasp’s nest. An idea at once struck
him. How he liehieved the feat without
getting hurt wo don’t know. Probably
the wasps were dormant with cold. But
at any rate, he gut that nest down and
tied it to the tail of a large yellow dog
that was fooling round tho depot The
dog started to rim and that so stirred up
the wasps that they sent a courier out to
investigate, and as he did so in a manner
so disagreeatile to the dog that he only
rau the harder and made three wild cir
cuits of the depot. The train mean
while came in, and as trains don’t stop at
country stations, it was just starting as
tho dog canio round the third tune.
Wild with pain, the dog leaped aboard
the train and plunged into a crowded
ear, just as the brakemttu shut tlie door.
Tho poor brute got beneath a seat and
tried to curl up. The ear was hot and
it wound up the wasps aud they came
out and iu about half a miuute the men
iu that seat jumped up so hard they
nearly stove holes in the roof, and the
way they clawed at their legs was a cau
tion. Everybody looked. Then others
became interested. And the dog started
on the ruu through the cal - . Tlie wasps
went, for him and everybody in the car.
A wild scene took place. Men cursed
aud clawed wildly. Women got up on
the seats and danced—and the dog,
which everybody thought to be mad,
tore up and down tho aisle, howling.
The conductor came in, thinking the
people insane. He promptly joined the
show. As tlie train was riving, folks
couldn't jumb off. No mad-house ever
saw such a scene. There was profanily
enongh to sink a ship, and ttie brakemau
gazing in at tho door said it beat any
thing he ever saw in a variety show. Fin
ally the conductor stopped the train,
folks got out, and the ear was cleared of
wasps aud dog. But the passengers
didn’t get over it. They were an awful
mad set, and occasionally after they got
started again a man would find a stray
wasp in his trousers and rise and yell.
They talked of suing the railroad, and
if they could have got that drummer his
iloath would have been frightful. But
he had gone ou a train the other w av.
Boston Post.
A Dime-Novel Her*.
The dime-novel readers would rejoice
in Buckshot Bill, of Nevada. He speaks
twenty-live Indian tongue*. Once he
saw eleven comrades burned alive by the
Comanekes, signed with his blood a
vow to have the scalps of eleven Indians
who killed his brother and stole his dia
mond pin, aud has on exhibition 117
scalps taken by his own 1 anus, lie is a
•oout after the boy's own heart.
The Maid of Xooslc,
An esteemed contemporary at Scran
ton narrates with something of the
unseemly hiliaritv of the hated Sassen
ach, the story of a young man and a
family of young maids, which, under the
genial touch of the author of "Adam
Bede” or Tennyson, would have been
turned into a “ Mill ou the Floss
or “Enoch Arden.” Our esteemed
contemporary speaks of the four
fair maids of Moosic as “bright
and buxom,” destroying at once
the poetical conception which the
mind distinctly seizes when love and
the sexes are in propinquity. Though
all the world loves a lover, all the world
is not gifted with the subtle expression
of love’s moods and tenses, as the nar
rative in question proves. The rarest
and fairest of the Moosic maids, whom,
as it is fitting, shall be called Juliet, was
in the fullness of time made, as Shelley
says of the sensitive plant, to feel love s
sweet want by an assiduous and ioru
Capulet of the neighborhood, to whom
she pledged her virgin vows.
The stem necessities of life, as is often
the case even in Arcadia, wrenched
Romeo from the vicinage of his adored
one. He went westward to grow—rieli
and feather a nest for his bird. There
is, it must be owned, nothing out of the
ordinary in this. But the finale shows
that there really was, for instead' of
fortune the exultant Romeo found only
the ragged edge of expectation upon
which to nourish his dreams of the dis
tant Juliet. The tides of years ebbed
and flowed, and two had passed the
golden chord between the two hearts re
sponding faithfully to their delirious
vows. But as the sweetest lips must
learn to frown the fondest faith grows
dim by absence. Juliet, meditating in
Moosic, doubtless saw in her mind’s eye
the idle of her soul spooning upon some
Hoosier heiress as he paced the parental
prairies corraling the coyotes or tether
ing the herds.
It was in this frame of mind that the
maid’s father set up tho siren song that
lulled Ulysses and his companions into
tarrying with the lotus-eaters. When
the rolling years had dimmed the figure
of the distant Romeo, another suitor,
under parental stimulus, took up the
tender tale. The maid repulsed him at
first, but it is so much easier to love
than to wait; so much more joyous to
dunce with the partner at hand than
wait for the one on the list; so much
more real, iu short, to lean on the strong
arm and look into the amorous eyes of
the fellow at hand than feed the
heart on hope aud the soul on the borrow
idealities of promise, that this incon
stant maid took kindly to the new coat
sleeve and murmured yes with the same
throbbing joy and sank upon his bosom
with the same maiden emotions that
marked her betrothal to the absent
Romeo.
The guests were met, tlie feast set for
the ceremony which should make the
maid the wife of another, when Romeo,
to whom some little bird of the air had
twittered sacrifice that parental impa
tience was about to exact, appeared to
the fickle one. Tlie local historian does
not seem to have witnessed this pictur
esque encounter, and hence we have
none of those dramatic pleadings which
in tlie crises of our fates sometimes bring
about the greatest results. Is it neces
sary to tell any lover who has ever loved
what the result was ? It was the old
story over again. It’s well to be off
with the oid love before we are on with
the new. Juliet’s heart was true to the
heart that had first made her bosom to
flutter, and the end was that the two fled
to a neighboring dominie and were made
one, The precipitancy left a painful
denouement for the other fellow, but—
and here remarks the beauty of the
Moosic mind—the second Romeo, more
melancholy than mad, made his plaint to
papa, when that sagacious man, pointing
to the Moosic maidens, ranged like
peonies on a stem, invited the discom
fited lover to take his choice,, and—ho
did_
Wow, there are various reflections that
follow picturesque incidents of this sort
ns sap follows the chip, but the discrim
inating reader will see the obvious moral
of this true and touching redemption of
love at the very altar steps.—Philadel
phia Times.
Italics and Punctuation.
Reader! when you write an article
or any periodical, or a letter to a friend,
never use italics except in some very
unusual emergency, for their employ
ment implies that the sentence has been
badly constructed and needs artificial
emphasis before its meaning can be un
derstood. A clause in italics always
bears testimony to the writer’s elumsi
ness. So of general punctuation
Punctuate as little as possilile. . Punct
nation marks can usually be dispensed
with if the reader be not too ignorant
or too indolent to construct rightly in
the first place the sentence in which
they are employed. If the adverbial
clauses of a sentence be properly dis
tributed in relation to the chief state
ments of which they are modifications
the parenthesis becomes a crooked folly
and the comma a trifling superfluity.
Of course some punctuation marks are
needed: tho period, to indicate tlie end
of a sentence ; tho semicolon, to indi
cate where a sentence came very near
ending and didn’t; perhaps the excla
mation point to tell the reader wnere to
be astonished, though if he feels so dis
posed he may possibly learn to be
shocked on his own hook ; the interro
gation point; now and then even a
comma to prove the imperfection of
language at tlie point of a mere human
pen. But every comma is an apology
offered by the writer to the reader.
The parenthesis is never to be used ; at
most not more than once a week by a
constant writer. The dash or comma is
an effective substitute. Finally, let it
be borne iu mind that much punctua
tion is the infallible sign of poor writing.
—American Queen.
Ho (lave Up His Teeth.
The richest man Virginia ever pro
duced was Samuel Miller. His wealth,
as popularly calculated, amounted to
about $3,000,000. When his State was
invaded, during the war, Mr. Miller
himself, though a Union man, had a
visit from a roving band. “ His stocks,
bonds, letters and account books.” says
a correspondent of the Philadelphia
Press, “ were thrown around with a
lavish bond, and hundreds of thousands
of securities taken away. Fortunately
for him, the ravagers did not know the
full value of these papers; but one of
them did leoognizethe glimmer of old gold
in the artificial teeth of the Virginian.
‘ Get out them teeth,’ casually remarked
the warrior, with a bayonet handy to
back the appeal. And Mr. Miller, like
a prudent man. got out his teeth, and
fared cn soft diet for some time to
come.”
A Fwenph doctor says he has cures!
rheumatic patients by making them so
mad that the excitement would start a
profuse perspiration.
The Moorish Rule in Spain.
On the north of Africa settled the
lurid form of the Arabian crescent, ono
horn reaching to the Bosphorus and one
pointing to the Pyrenees. ‘.Scarcely had
the Arabs become firmly settled in Spain
before they commenced a brilliant ca
reer. Cordova, under their administra
tion, at its highest point of prosperity,
boasted of more than 200,000 houses,
and more than 1,000, 000 pi inhabitants.
After sunset, a man might walk through
it in a straight line "for ten miles by the
light of the public lumps. Seven hun
dred years after this time there was not
so much as one public lamp in London.
, Its streets were solidly paved. In Pans,
i centuries subsequently, whoever stepped
I over his threshold on a rainy day
I stepped up to his ankles in mud. The
Spanish Mohammedans had brought with
them all the luxuries and prodigalities
of Asia. Their residences stood forth
against the clear blue sky, or were em
bosomed in Woods.- They had polished
1 marble balconies ; overhanging orange
i gardens ; courts with cascades of water,
; shady retreats provocative of slumber in
! the heat of the day ; retiring rooms,
, vaulted with stained glass, speckled with
gold, over which streams of water were
made to gush. The floors and walls
were of exquisite mosaic. Here, a foun
tain of quicksilver shot up in a glisten
ing spray, the glittering particles falling
with a "tranquil sound like fairy bells;
there, apartments into which cool air
was drawn from flower gardens, in sum
mer by means of ventilating towers, and
in the winter through earthen pipes, or
caleducts, imbedded iu tue walls—the
hypocaust, in the vaults below, breath
ing forth volumes of warm and perfumed
ail - through these hidden passages. The
walls were not covered with wainscot,
but adorned with arabesques, and paint
ings of agricultural scenes and views of
paradise. From the ceilings, corniced
with fretted gold, great chandeliers hung,
one of which, it is said, contained 1,084
lamps. Clusters of frail marble columns
surprised the beholder with tlie vast
weights they bore. In the boudoirs of
the sulianas they were sometimes of verd
antique, and incrusted with ladis lazuli.
I The furniture was of sandal and citron
j wood, inlaid with mother of pearl, ivory,
silver, or relieved with gold and precious
I malachite. In orderly confusion were
1 arranged vases of rock crystal, Chinese
porcelains, and tables of exquisite mo
saic. The winter apartments were hung
j with rich tapestry ; the floors wflfe cov
ered with embroidered Persian carpets.
Pillows nnd couches, of elegant forms,
were scattered about the rexuns, wliich
were perfumed with frankincense. There
were whispering galleries for the amuse
ment of the women ; labyrinths and mar-
I pie play courts for the children ; for the
i master himself, grand libraries. The
i Khulif Alliakem’s was so large that tho
- catalogue alone filled forty volumes. Ha
1 had also apartments for the transcribing,
I binding, and ornamenting of books.
| Across the Pyrenees, literary, philosoph
i ical, and adventurers were perpetually
passing, and thus the luxury, the taste,
and above all, the chivalrous gallantry
and elegant courtesies of Moorish society
found their way from Granada and Cor
dova to Provence and Languedoc. The
refined society of Cordova prided itself
on its politeness. A gay contagion also
spread from the beautiful Moorish mis
creants to their sisters beyond the
mountains. The South oi France was
full of the witcheries of female fascina
tions, and of dancing to the flute and
mandolin. Even in Italy and Sicily the
love-song became the favorite composi
tion; and out of these genial but not
orthodox beginnings the polite literature
of modem Europe arose. — Draper's “ll
tellectual Development. ”
Every Man “His Own Doctor.”
Many a man who, if his horse ’or cow
is sick, sends at once for the veterinary
practitioner for ailments of his own tLmt
are on the face of them quite as serious
and as much in need of professional
treatment.
He will take the advice of an ignorant
neighbor as to what is “good for” an ill
ness, when he would laugh at the idea oi
going to the same person for counsel in
any other business or concern whatever.
In the days of our grandmothers, when
the household materia medica consisted
of “roots and yarbs,” with a few simple
drugs like epsom salts, this domestic or
“lay” prescribing was less dangerous
than in these latter day's when concern
trated and powerful agents have become
so common and familiar.
The household remedies of the olden
time were rarely liable to do much harm,
even if they did no good. The cure waE
generally in reality left to nature, though
the “roots and yarbs” got the credit of
it. But most of the drugs of our day
are not of this inert or negative charac
ter, and the danger in their use by the
ignorant is a real and serious danger.
The most powerful medicines that un
professional people of a former genera
tion ventured to fool with bore about the
same relation to those in vogue that gun
power does the nitro-glycerine; yet the
latter are used even more recklessly than
the former ever were. A little knowl
edge is not always a dangerous thing,
but when it leads a man to think that he
can “doctor” himself, in ailments of any
serious nature, the old aud often-abused
proverb is indisputably true.— Journal
of Chemistry.
When Women are Most Attractive.
In an interesting paper entitled “When
Women Grow Old,” Mrs. Blake has
brought facts to show that the fascinat
ing power of the sex is oftentimes re
tained much longer than is generally as
sumed.
She tells us of Aspasia, who between
the ages of thirty and fifty, was the
strongest intellectual force iu Athens; of
Cleopatra, whose golden decade for
power and beauty was between thirty
and forty; Livia, who was not far from
thirty when she gained the heart of Oc
tavius ; of Anne, of Russia, who, at
thirty-eight, was thought to be the most
beautiful Qneen in Europe; of Cathar
ine 11., of Russia, who, even at the
silver decade, was both beautiful and im
posing ; of Madamoiselle Mars, the act
ress, whose beauty increased with years,
and culminated between thirty and forty
five ; of Madame Reecamier, who, be
tween twenty-five and forty, and even
later, was the reigning beauty in Eu
rope ; of Ninou d’Enclos, whose own
son—brought up without knowledge of
his parentage—fell passionately in love
with her when she was at the age of
thirty-seven, and who even at her six
tieth birthday received an adorer young
enough to be her grandson.
These facts, the representatives of
many others, establish that the golden
decade of fascination is the same as tbe
golden decade of thought ; that woman
is most attractive to and most influential
over men aud woman are nearest tbe
maximum of their cerebral force. The
voice of oiir great prima donnas is at its
best between twenty-seven and thirty
five ; but still retain, in a degree, its
strength and sweetness even in the silver
decade. The voice is an iudrx if the
body in all its functions, but tlie il cay
of other functions is not so readily
noted.
FACTS FOR THE CURIOUS.
One grain of silver will make a wire
400 feet long.
There are 20,000 seeds of oats in a
pound, and 636,400 seeds of white
clover.
Great Britain has 39,750,000 cotton
spindles, the United States about 12.
000,000.
In perceiving the tints of scarlet, our
eyes are affected by undulations recur
ring 482,000,000 times a second.
The zoospores (microscopic animals)
swarm about in the moisture on the sur.
face of a leaf or stem. Film though it
may be, it is an ocean to such fish.
The amount of work a man can do iu
a day has been estimated to lie equal to
a force which, if properly applied, would
raise the weight of his own body one
mile.
A single heteromita (monad) gives rise
to 1,000 like itself in an hour, about
1,000,000 in two hours, and to a number
greater than the generally-assumed
number of human beings now living in
the world in three hours.
It is a peculiarity of the ostrich that
father and mother take it in turn to sit
ou tlie eggs, and when the ostrich takes
his female companions out for their
evening promenade in the desert, one of
them always remains liy the nest.
The various tribes of ants go to war
with each other, plunder each other
systematically and have altogether a
great deal of excitement in their way.
Some tribes of ants keep cows, and
others slaves ; others have blind beetles
resident with them—blind bards, per
haps, to sing to them.
Oe the 1,000,000,000 acres of cultivable
land in the United States, only eleven
and a half per centum are used. The
2,586,4G8,320 bushels of wheat, corn,
oats, barley, rye, buckwheat and pota
toes raised last year were produced on
'105,083,605 acres, and tho cultivation is
in most cases careless.
The statistics of water surface—lakes,
ponds, bays and rivers—in the several
States and Territories present the ex
treme aridity of New Mexico and Ari
zona, with only 120 and 100 square miles
of water, respectively, and the marked
contrary characteristics of Florida, with
4,440; Minnesota, 4,160; North Carolina,
3,670; Texas, 3,490; Louisiana, 3,200,
and Maine, 3,145 miles of river, lake and
inlet area. The total water surfaee of
the country is given at 55,600 square
miles, and the gross area, land and wa
ter, 3,025,600 square miles, inhabited
by 16 pereorw ami n. fraction to each
mile.
Nve county, Nevada, is the largest
county in the United States, covering
24,000 square miles. San Bernardino,
California, w'ith 23,000 square miles, is
the next largest. California has four
other counties, each of them as large as
Massachusetts, three that- are each
larger than Connecticut, and fifteen tliiA
are each inrger than Delaware. Sioux
comity, Nebraska, contains 21,070
square miles. Oregon, also, has several
largo counties—Grant, Umatilla and
Lake containing respectively 17,500,
14,260and 12,OOOsquaremiles. Presidio,
with 12,500 miles, is the largest county
in Texas. The smallest county in the
United States is New York, State of New
York, and it has the largest population.
The largest of the Territories is Dakota,
with 147,600 square miles, and the
largest county in any of the Territories
is Custer county, Montana, with 86,500
square miles.
New Foot-Ball Rules.
In view of the fact that the leading
foot-ball teams of this country are get
ting the science of the game down to
such a fine point that no one desires to
see them play, the Acta, after mature
deliberation and at great expense, has
framed the following rules, which it is
hoped tho Inter-collegiate Foot-ball As
sociation will adopt:
The ground must be 330 feet in length
and 100 feet in width. For aboslute
safety the players should be placed at
least a mile apart.
The riot shall last an hour and a half,
with intervals at every half hour, of ten
minutes each, for chinks. At the end of
the game if any of the players shall be
uninjured, innings of fifteen minutes
each shall be played until he is killed or
entirely disabled.
A match shall be decided by the num
ber of hones broken. One dead man
shall couut according to his bones.
Two teeth knocked out shall count as
one bone, and shall count for the side not
owning the teeth. The referee shall
promptly disqualify men with false
teeth.
If one of your opponents has posses
sion of the ball, knock him down and
take the ball away from him. This shall
be decided a safety knock down.
Fonr safety knock downs shall be
equivalent to one funeral, or dead man,
which will count as one goal.
Tripping up shall not be allowed in
this game. It is not a sufficiently pain
ful w ay of upsetting a man.
A drop kick is made by kicking one of
your opponents after he has dropped.
The captains of the respected sides
shall wrestle before the commencement
of the match. The winner shall have the
option of kicking, or being kicked. The
former, by experts, is considered prefer
able.
A funeral may be obtained by any kind
of a kick; to avoid unpleasant complica
tion it is better for the kicker to be
larger than the kicked.
When a funeral shall have been ob
tained, the side which owns the corpse
shall set up the bier.
A fair catch is a catch direct from a
kick, or a knock by one of the opposite
side only, provided the catcher has a
mark of *the heel on tho spot where he
has been caught.
The ball is dead when the player car
rying it shall be knooked down. In some
instances the rule may apply to the
player.
A playermay get up an bawl whenever
he has been rolled on or pounded in a
scrimmage.
It is lawful for any one who bawls to
run away, and if he does so, it is called
a rim.
A tackle is where a holder of the ball
is jumped on by the whole of the oppo
sition team.
A maul in goal is when the holder of
the ball is tackled inside the goal line, or
is being tackled immediately outside, i
stopped on and dragged through the
mud and spun on his head until he or
the opposition succeed iu touching the
ball down.
A man who is “on-side” con not be
“offside." The same rule applies to
the off -uns.
A man to be off-side must be on the
side that is off.
A safety touch-down shall consist in
laying the other fellow out, in order to
keep yourself in good condition.
The Ada thinks that, in case these
rules are adopted in the coining year,
foot-ball will attaiu a success heretofore
unpreccdeatfiiL
WrrH the head of a man it so happen*
that when egotism ia in, honesty is out.