Newspaper Page Text
THE WEEKLY CHRONICLE.
VOL 1.-NO 29.}
80MB GEORGIA HAPPENINGS.
Paragraphs Carefully Culled
by Our Office Shears.
The corn crop of Uanrens county is
the best for many years.
Farmers will raise more ccAn in Whit
field county this year than has been
raised any year since the war. There
will be well filled bins when the harvest
is told.
Mr. Watson, of Sumner, has 23 melons
that grew on one vine, averaging twen
ty pounds each, which is equivalent to
460 pounds of watermelons taken from
one vine.
Jadge Munroe of Metcalf has a stalk of
cotton with 100 matured bolls on it. He
says that it is not an average stalk, but
it is evidence that there must be good
cotton where it came from.
Hay-making seems to pay around
Macon. T. J. Lane, who has a farm in
the swamps not far from this cify, will
harvest 200,000 pounds of Bermuda
grass hay from 35 acres this season.
The Grady hospital is fast nearing
'completion. The building itself com
pleted, the interior work is well under
way, and little remains but the oramen
tal and the finishing touches. Nov. 1
will see the hospital occupied.
Farmers who buy western bacon, west
ern lard, western corn, northern hay,
western flour, western mules, and so forth
and so forth, ad infinitum, ought not to
wonder why there is so little money in
circulation in the south.
A representative of the Middle Geor
gia Progress heard a farmer of Baldwin
county make this assertion: That from
two plows he would get about sixty-five
bales of cotton, and twenty bushels of
corn per acre. This is good farming.
There will be no gambling games at
Augusta’s exposition. This is the edict
issued by the directors. Any number of
fakirs and gambling schemes tried to get
exposition privileges, but they have all
failed. They will not be allowed inside
the gates.
J. P. Boring, who lives in Cobb coun
ty, near Woodstock, let off his pond last
Thursday and he caught with a sein be
tween 800 and 1,000 pounds of fish, a
Humber of carp weighing five pounds
each. A number of these fine carp he
transferred to his private pond.
Jesup Sentinel: The railroad authori
ties have dumped thirteen carloads of
melons in Phinholloway creek. The
melons were shipped and returned by
the consignees, standing here in the
yard until they were nothing but a
mushy mass, which had to be got rid of.
Henty McDowell, of Griffin, has a
diminutive dog that is rapidly develop
ing into a habitual drunkard. He pays
daily visits to a bar, and greedily laps
the drippings from the beer kegs until
he gets so full that he can scarcely walk.
He is a fat, chubby little fellow, and
ntaggets with good-humored grace.
Butler Herald: Rev. H. T. Moselev is
a liv e m an. He rides over 200 miles to
his appointments each month, besides
cultivating fifteen acres in corn and cot
ton. He also finds time to hold pro
tracted meetings, visit his neighbors and
minister to the sick. He is not without
honor in his own country, for his neigh
bors love and respect him.
William Butler, a big black negro,
scalded himself nearly to death Tuesday
at Macon by knocking over a kettle of
boiling soft soap while running from
policemen, He was drunk and had been
acting in a disorderly manner in Mose
Green’s barroom on Bridge row, and
Officers Andrews and Edwards were try
ing to arrest him when he started to
tun. He ran over to Louis Kendrick’s
ealoon, and was dashing through the
back yard when he struck a kettle full
of soft soap boiling over a fire. The
scalding stuff was strewn along the
ground, and he fell into it
A Judge Fined Himself.
Perhaps the most disgusted man
in Somerset county is a justice of the
peace who is the owner of a fine gar
den. the pride of his heart. The
other day he was informed that an
unruly cow had wrought desolation
in his garden and at once ordered the
animal sent to the pound. Then he
went up to the view of wreck, and
after noting the vacant places where
the beets and corn had been, the
trampled down squashes and cab
bages and the demoralized pea vines
and sunflowers, and ascertaining, as
he supposed, the owner of the cow,
he made out a writ against that indi- 1
vidual, containing, so the Fairfield
Journal is informed, fourteen differ -
ent and distinct, including trespass
forcibly entry, malicious mischief,
nuisance riotous and disorderly con
duct, and assault and battery with
intent to kill.
It was then that he learned that
thio trespasser was his own cow, and
his ire cooled as he meekly paid a
lull I IB I 1111
held driver for getting her out of the
pound.
Killed by a Rattlesnake.
Nashville, Tenn., Aug. 11. —The
body of Miss Lulu Bowling was
found Saturday morning in the
woods near Bradyville, in Cannon
county. The young woman had been
bitten in a dozen places by a rattle
snake, as was shown by as many dis
colored places on her body, which
was badly swollen. Coiled up beside
the body was the reptile which had
caused the young woman’s death. It
was killed. It measured five feet,
and had eighteen rattles and a but
ton, and was one of the largest rat
tlesnakes ever seen in the county.
The Daughter— Mother, I’ve lost my
bathing suit.
The Mother—No, you haven’t, my
dear. Your brother has it in his vest
pocket.
Interest in the great world’s fair is in
creasing. A Georgia editor offers a free
pass to Chicago in 1892 to the man who
gives him a carload of watermelons.
HIS WOOL TURNED WHITE.
The Awful Experience of a Negro up a
Stump and Beset by Alligators.
On the edge of a little lake about
ten or twelve miles northwest of Tal
lahassee, Fla., there lives an old
negro whom I see and with whom I
talk every time I go hunting in that
direction. At least, I have always
supposed he was aged, for though
his wife is a buxom young woman,
he is white-haired, though hale and
hearty in appearance. The last time
I was out there I learned that he
was quite young—only about 40, in
in fact, and that his snowy locks had
a history. After urging I prevailed
on him to tell me the story.
It seems that during the war this
negro, Ben Aiken, had run off’, and
while hiding in the woods subsisted
as best he could on wild fruits, some
game, young corn and an occasional
chicken, if lie was so fortunate as to
find one far enough away from a
plantation. One day he happened
to slip up on a half grown pig. and,
getting close enough, knocked it
over, and at once stuck it with his
knife and started off with it to his
improvised hut. While picking his
way through the swamp and going
from one little mound to another,
stepping on logs and stumps and
cypress knees, he noticed that one
log he was just in the act of step
ping on was not a log at all, but a
vicious looking alligator. He had
lived long enough among ’gators to
feel no particular uneasiness over
this one, though he also knew that
they are mean to have around. Ben
stepped back to the mound he was
on (which was only about ten or
twelve feet square) and concluded to
wait till the sluggish creature moved
on. But the ’gator after awhile
aroused itself, and in company with
four or five others started toward
Ben. The negro concluded to beat
a retreat, when he found that his lit
tle island was entirely surrounded by
alligators, and he then began to re
alize that they had been attracted
by the shoat he was carrying, which
had left a trail of blood behind him.
The darky was now thoroughly
frightened. He saw the alligators
crowding around his little island; he
knew that at night they would come
up after him; he had no weapons ex- ■
cept a knife and a civ b; he knew
there was no chance of any one hear
ing his cries, and it was now nearly
sundown. A half-grown alligator
came crawling towaid him, and he
brained it with his club, but it gave
him no consolation, for he knew be
eould net keep that up through the
■ night. There was one cypress knee
or stump on the mound which rose
about five feet or more, but he
doubted his ability to get upon its
smooth top, and, even if he got there
he didn’t think he could keep his
place there long. Besides it was
doubtful even then, if he would be
out of reach of their jaws. Being
FORT GAINES. GEORGIA. FRIDAY AUGUST 21. 1891.
the only chance, however, he tried it
and found that by close attention
and sitting in a very cramped posi
tion. he could keep his place upon
-the stump.
ZSTig-lit cam© on and lie became
sleepy. He dare not close his eyes.
He did everything l possible to keep
himself awake. Finally, captivity it
self would be a blessed relief com
pared to this, and he called long and
loud for help hour after hour. He
knew it was of no use, but he kept it
up. At last the first gray streaks of
dawn were seen, and presently came
the day. His little mound was cov
ered with alligators, and the swamp
seemed aliye with them. He tried
to frighten them away so that he
could at least sit down and stretch
his limbs, but they crawled all
around him, glaring up at him open
ing their horrid mouths for the feast
they knew was coming. The hot
rays of the sun was becoming unen
durable even to him, a “plantation
nigger,” for he had kept up his call
ing for help until his throat and
mouth seemed parched.
He had all this time kept the pig
in his arms, and now in slightly al
tering his position it dropped to the
ground.' At once an enormous alli
gator from each side rushed toward
it. It was the gauge of battle, and
a gurgling threat from each was fol
lowed by the onset. Never did any
one witness such a combat! The
enormous teeth and powerful jaws
crashed on mailed side, back and
head, the final advantage gained by
one in a grip under the neck, and
the fearful struggle of the other: the
terrible strokes of each with his long
tail, and the resounding echoes
thtough take swamp—all joined with
Ben’s hoarse cry for help made a din
and commotion that almost deafened
Mr. Aiken and his men who now ap
peared upon the scene. A crowd
that had been out coon hunting the
night before had been frightened by
Ben’s cries, and, reporting it at the
house, Mr. Aiken concluded it must
be his runaway hand, and so took a
crowd of men and started after him.
i and now came upon the scene. The
battle between the alligators was
finished and, the conqueror was at
once also killed.
The others were driven away and
Ben was taken off his perch, a chat
tering, gibbering idiot. A week’s
rest restored him to his normal con
dition, howe’ er, except his kinky
hair. That has always remained as
wdite as the whitest bale of cotton
on the plantation.—St. Louis Globe-
Democrat.
FARMER JOHN HONESTY AND THE POLITICIANS.
HE IS A “DEVIL DRIVER.”
That's the Only Kind of "T>. D.'* Sam Jones
is Willing to Be.
Sam Jones, the Georgia revivalist,
told liis peculiarly funny stories and
used bad grammar before an audience
I’M iLLgLLJ wiHi LolL
He has been, widely advertised as the
coming week’s attraction at Prohibi
tion park, Port Richmond, Staten
Island. The colored brother and his
family were particularly noticeable
on the Port Richmond trains and in
the line of pilgrims that walked
through the misty heat one and one
half miles from the station to the
park.
The big pavilion in Clinton B. Fisk
avenue was filled with people. It
was hot, but that didn’t oppress the
popular orator. As he stood upon
the high platform the people saw a
tall, slim man, with black eyes and a
bristling mustache.
Mr. Jones announced his text:
“For God so loved the world that
He gave His own begotten son,” etc.
The announcement was about all
that the text had to do with the ser
mon after the speaker was well
started.
He said some pretty things about
the love of a wife and a mother.
“Why, I said to my wife the other
day,” he continued, “that I believed
she loved me better when I was low
and dissipated than she does to-day.
She looked into my face and said,
•you needed it more then.’ O, that
explains the mother s iove, which is
the greatest for the wayward boy.
“Nine-tenths of the divorce laws
come from hell!” shouted the preach
er, touching another subject, “and
they are carrying the people of this
country back to hell.
“The preachers have dwelt so
much on the sweet’ by and by,” he
continued, “and so little on the now
and now, that the devil is getting
the country.
“We have religions enough to save
the world, but haven’t enough living
examples to point out to the chil
dren.
“No husband can afford to drink,”
said the preacher, turning to the
temperance question. “I’m not talk
ing about getting to heaven after
this life, but just about keeping out
of hell until you die.”
Sam Jones doesn’t like long faces.
He wants to see people laugh. He
says the man who comes to church
Sunday with a smile is all right.
“But you want to look out for the
man who robs widows and orphans
and gambles on the stock exchange
all the week and whose face is long
and sober on Sunday.
“Many a fellow, though, has mis
taken a diseased liver for a clean
Heart.
“An infidel !"* he cried, “an infidel!
Why I d lather be the meanest tliief
in prison than an infidel. Now this
Bob Ingersoll. I've got some respect
for him. He gets S2OO or S3OO for
it. But just think of those little fools
who run around after him and pay §1
to hear him. They get nothing for
it and board themselves.
“When I get to heaven I'll thank
God that, unlike some people, I won’t
have to change my politics.”
Men and women nodded approval
to each other. The audience liked
that kind of preac Ling.
“There are those cold-headed, dog
matic doctors of divinity,” remarked
Mr. Jones. “I’ve told my friends
that if any college jumps up and doc
tors my divinity I’ll sue ’em for dam-
ages.”
Then the preacher warmed up to
his subject.
“The only kind of a prohibitionist
tha t has got the real stuff in him is
the prohibitionist on election day.”
This was enthusiastically applaud
ed.
“Why,” he said. “I am going to
vote the prohibition ticket in 1892 if
lam all alive. Why, if there's but
one vote cast you can just say that
it was that fool Jones; and if I live
fifty years I’m going to keep right on
voting the same old tibket.
“God was the first prohibitionist,”
said Mr. Jones further on, “when he
said: ‘Woe unto him who putteth the
bottle to his neighbor's lips.’
“I don’t know whether D. D. means
‘done dead’ or ‘devil’s dudes.’ If it
means ‘devil driver’ Tm a D. D. mv
self. We want all the devil drivers
we can get.”
“My! My! old fellow!” is a favor
its expression of the old preacher.
He ended his address after saying he
would preach in the evening and
twice a day all the week.
“My! My! old fellow!” said he, “I
tell you it’s God’s love that pardons
a poor chap and gives him another
chance.”—New York World.
The following frank statewent from J. Et
Hare, of Trenton, Texas, will be of interest
to many of our citizens. “My little boy
was very bad off for two months with diar
rhoea. We used various medicines, called
in two doctors, but nothing dona him any
good until we used Chamberlain’s Colic,
Cholera and diarrhoea Remedy, which gave
immediate relief and soon cured him. I con
sider it the best medicine made and can
conscientiously recommend it to all who
need a diarrhoea or colic medicine.” For
sale by W. O. Dobbins & Co., druggists.
i 81.00 A YEAR
OUR WEEKLY BUDGET OF FUN.
Smart Sayings Reproduced to
Drive Away the Blues.
lie came from somewhere inland.
From Pittsburg. I surmise,
iWmai<ihUtwro]ii
He strayed, with bulging ^yew.
He saw the dainty maidens
Among the wavelets slosh.
And when at last he oped his mouth
He simply said. "Begosh!”
She— I won’t take any more interest
in yon.
He—Will yon accept the princijml?
A man's love for his sweetheart is quite
often nearly two-thirds jealousy of some
other follow.
She—Yes, lam very fond of pets.
He—lndeed! What, may 1 ask. is
your favorite animal?
Slip (frankly)—Man.
*
Pluipduil —Does your wife talk in her
sleep?
Plane—Don’t know; she always talks
mo to sleep first.
Snively—ls Mr. Scndds very wealthy?
Snodgrass—Well, T hear ho is going to
put. American tin on the roof of Im new
house.
Old Subscriber—Well, I’ve come tn
tell you that I’m in the soup again.
Editor (hard up)—You should be
thankful. I’d like to bo drowned in it!
Mrs. Homebody—See here! do you
call this good measure? This can isn’t
half full.
Milkman—That’s all right, mum. It’s
condensed milk, you know, mum.
“It was a tight squeeze for me,” said
Bjenks, as bo finished the story of his
adventure, and an old maid listener
whispered softly tn herself:
“If I hud only been there.”
His lips uplifted
She leaned upon his breast,
Her head touched a button.
And he did the rest.
—Crawfordville Democrat.
“Singing with one’s work not only
lightens but .sweetens it,” observes a
magazine philosopher. This must bo
why that cheerful rascal, the nerquito,
is willing to work overtime o’ nights, in
stead of going to sleep with the rest of
creation.
Lady (at horse race)—Don't you think
it is cruel to race horses that way this
hot weather?
Horseman—l’ace ’em how, mum?
“Making them go so fast.”
“Why, mum, the faster they go the
quicker they get through."
Printer—There was a bill collector up
here to see you.
Editor—And what did you do with
him?
Printer—l shot him !
Editor—Good gracious! And powder
is 40 cents a pound! Why didn't you
pitch him out of the window?
•‘I should think that she would put on
full mourning for her ■ -other, instead of
half mourning, as she does.”
“He was onlv her half brother.”
Dude (disposed to be afiable with hia
colored valet) —Bah jove! we forgot to
send that money to the tailor.
Sambo (meeting him half way Dat’v
a fac’. We am two o’ de blamedest foots
in de four counties. We ain’t got sense
enough to come in outer de rain.
Bi 11 vi lle Banner.
We had the pleasure recently of mat
ing ex-Seantor Ingalls. Mr. Ingalls now
wears a very light variety of socks.
We have been accused of try ng to
solve the race problem in these columns,
but it is not so. Our race is with the
sheriff, and we can’t keep six feet ahead
of him.
Our wife’s mother got married Inst
week. Thank God for freedom and one
square meat
We have received a poem entitled,
“Why do I Weep?” Our answer is.
“There is not a dollar in the treasury !"
A collection will be taken up for the
heathen at church to-day. How unfor
tunate it is that we were liorn in a civ
ilized country!
Onr new preacher has arrived, bit he
says hie health is poor, and he is not
able to withstand a pound p-arty. Whero*
fore, dear bretheren, let the man die in
peace!
The only merchant in Bill villa han
failed. That shows what a man can do
by perseverance and strict attenti< a to
business.
English Spavin Liniment removes all
hard, soft or calloused lumps and bkmienew
from horses, blood spavins, curbs, splints,
sweeney, ring-bone, stifles, sprain*, all swol
len throat®, coughs, etc. Save >SO by use of
one bottle. Warranted the most wonderful
blemish cure ever known, bold by W. M.
Speight, druggist, Fort Games, G*.
