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ONE
THOUSAND
Readers Weekly,
Guaranteed.
FOR OUR COUNTRY AND HER PEOPLE, FIRST AND ALL TIIE TIME!
VOL 14, No. 29
Drivers "\VJio Throw Tlielr Horses.
“There ought to he a license system
or some scheme to prevent such a fel
low driving a horse,” declared a lover
of horses as a heavy truck horse fell
in Broadway the other day. “That
ignorant blockhead made that horse
fall. He turned the animal so quickly
that he simply threw it oft’ its feet.
Now several score of trucks will be
blocked until the horse gets on its feet,
and then the driver will take it out of
the poor animal by jerking at the bit
or beating it.
“A man wouldn't trust an automo
bile to a fellow who didn’t know bow
to run the machine, and the law would
not allow him to, but he will trust his
horse to a boy who hasn't the first idea
of handling a horse. Half the drivers
of trucks and delivery wagons need
some elementary lessons in how to
drive, and most of the accidents on the
streets are due to their ignorance and
stupidity.”—New York Press.
Generous UtaU Woman.
A woman doctor went to Utah to
practice. She was a pleasant lady as
well as skillful, and her patients were
very fond of her. “How 1 wish.” said
one of them, “that I could convert you
to our religion! If you would only
marry my husband and come and live
with us”—
The doctor fled in horror to another
friend to whom she told the story. fT.-r
self respect began to revive and she
felt comforted, seeing how the eyes of
her listener blazed.
“I don't wonder you fee! as you do,”
replied the friend indignantly. "The
idea! Vhy. that Mr. is perfectly
horrid! What you want to do is to
marry my husband and come and live
with us.”—Plattsburg (X. Y.) Tribune.
Tl:e First Iro Cream.
A French chef, who prepared the dish
for the Due do Chartres in 1774. is said
to have made the first ice cream. Lord
Bacon was aware of the process of
congelation by means of snow and salt,
but to him it was a scientific fact of
greater or iess interest, and he had no
idea of the delightful possibilities of
this process on various eatables.
Iced drinks and water ices were
known to the Parisian epicures a cen
tury and a half earlier, the dainties
having probably come from the far
east by the hand of some traveler who
had tested sherbet. The English knew
or cared nothing for such artificial re
freshment till tlie present century.
Even now they do not regard the “iced
pudding” with especial favor.
Appropriate.
One day while ids apparatus for deep
sea soundings by means of steel piano
forte wire was being constructed Lord
Kelvin entered Mr. White’s shop in
Glasgow along with the great Dr.
Joule, celebrated for his determination
of the mechanical equivalent of beat.
Joule’s attention was called to a bun
dle of the pianoforte wire lying in the
shop, and Thomson explained that he
intended it for “sounding purposes.”
“What note?” innocently inquired
Joule and was promptly answered.
“The deep C.”
The House of Crony..
In France the family of Crony Chanel
boasts of descent in direct line from
Adam’s third son, Seth. They say at the
time of the deluge Noah took their fam
ily title deeds into the ark. At then
chateau may be seen a picture of thu.
event, wherein one of the drowning
men waves a scroll above his bead on
which is inscribed, “Save the title
deeds of the house of Crony.**
Throat Trouble.
“You look bad, old man. What’s the
matter?”
“■Throat trouble.”
“1 didn’t know you were subject to
it.”
“Yes. I am. This throat belongs to
the newcomer in the next house, who
practices singing at all hours of the
night.”
The StruKKle.
An athlete is not made in an hour,
and the giant oak is only a specimen
of endurance after its hardy conflict
with the elements. So it is wi f h the
character of a man and of a woman.
It is the struggle of the years that
makes the heart heroic.—Schoolmaster.
Hia loroinflrtcncts,
Greene —Do you mean to say that
Miss Felcher said I had no head on mo?
Gray—Well, if she didn’t say that in
so many words she said substantially
the same thing. She told Daisy Brown
yon were all heart. —Boston Transcript.
• * . ! »*-•• your onros VL. r "'’
to : do not continually or. no
iUrtttftlftft Wfl B*i*Mf!
■is w 4 C 'C' 4 i ■ ♦
The Sense of Smell.
That we have not entirely lost the
animal basis of judgment, the sense of
smell, is proved by the fact we do
tell ourselves very much of other peo
ple by the nose, often unconsciously.
The blind distinguish their friends hy
the smell of handkerchiefs or coats.
Unconscious sensations and uncon
scious judgments have their field. Wo
know far more by smell than is sup
posed. Some classes have apparently
become degraded in senses as well as
habits, for their basis of social judg
ment is below that of the animals.
Those who have had their senses keen
ly educated are accustomed to judge of
persons hy odors. Australian children
possess the doglike sense of trailing
people by scent, and experiment re
veals that this is to some degree pres
ent in every one. Strong attachments
are not so rigidly ideal as we like to
suppose. There is a physical basis to
all our likes and dislikes. It is this
which underlies the demand of refined
people that their friends shall be clean
ly.—Open Court.
Tiie Maittmotli Cave Rat.
The cavern rat, found in the Mam
moth cave of Kentucky, is of a soft,
bluish color, with white neck and feet.
It has enormous eyes, black as night,
but quite unprovided with an iris. These
eyes are perfectly insensible to light,
and when the experiment has been
made of catching a cavern rat and
turning it loose in bright sunlight it
blunders about, striking itself against
everything, is unable to provide itself
with food and finally falls down and
dies. In its native depths, however,
it is able to lead a comfortable enough
existence, as its enormously long whis
kers are so extremely sensitive that
they enable it to find its way rapidly
through the darkness. The principal
food of the cavern rat consists of a
kind of large cricket of a pale yellow
color and. like most other cave dwell
ers, itself perfectly blind.
7,3:; irimanial Promotion.
The extent to which the lingo of the
navy is used as slang in the families
of naval odicers, particularly among
the women, is instanced by a little
story now going the rounds in Wash
ington.
The youngest daughter of a promi
nent naval officer was entertaining t
friend who had called to congratulate
the eldest daughter, who lately had be
come engaged to a captain in the same
service as her father. The friend, re
marking upon the engagement, sug
gested , that the youngest daughter
doubtless would miss her big sister,
whereupon the girl addressed quickly
replied:
“Oil, dear, ves! But just think of it—
I am advanced a number!”
Queer Dreann:.
A professor of mathematics dreamed
that his son was under the radical
sign, and he could not get him out.
A Boston drawing teacher had a
similar experience. She had been study
ing perspective one evening, and dur
ing the night her sister heard tier grop
ing about the room and opening and
closing bureau drawers. “What are
you hunting for, Mary?” inquired the
sister. “Oil. dear,” moaned the som
nambulist, “I can’t find the vanishing
point!”—Christian Register.
Hard on the Miniwter’s "Wife.
A Scottish ministdh lately returned
hour)'-* from a long holiday trip on which
he had h • a a ompanied by his wife.
At a p-rycr meeting shortly afterward
an <>•<.» i Top-d up thanks for the min
ister's return, but unfortunately
put his foot in it. “O Lord." he said,
“we thank thee for bringing our pastor
safe ho HQ, arid his dear wife, too, O
Lord, for thou preservest man and
beast!"
Burfc nacinj.
In tl is world, if you live long enough,
you v ,l -grow tired of everything—of
men an' 1 wc . mi. of yachts ami dinners,
of poky**-* and money making—hut
when f 'nation of the race horse
gets into tl blood 1* never leaves. It
is the gm: i s r - r and the poorest
business ev t i tl- ad by man.—Pierre
Loriliard
Q:i< »<iinn of Time.
“Do von i is*- ;b:> woman for better
or worse" - : -an tlm clergyman. but
before he could proceed further fie was
interrupted.
“It's to*- early to tell yet.” answered
the groom. "You’ll hrrve to give me
time, sir.”—Boston Post.
If yon ■. -a it the object of your life
to in a!; • y:> ■ ■.-•<■ ]f nsefnl and others
happy, you will never ask yourself the
ouestion. Is life worth living?—Max
wc li’3 Talisman.
Douglas, Ga., December 12, 1903.
Jilv. !.<•<. Uy’.N Torveat «f S;>eecli.
A very brilliant Irish lady some years
ago arranged that Mr. l.ecky should
meet an able and famous Irishman of
very advanced opinions ill politics. It
was intended that they should ex
change' views and the Irishman had a
good deal to say about Mr. Becky’s
later work and was well able to put
what lie had to say in the most ef
fective language. The door opened and
Mr. Becky was announced, lie was in
troduced to the Irishman, and before
the latter had time to say anything the
historian began a political harangue
which lie kept going without cessation
the whole time ho was there. The
Irishman at first tried to break in with
a word, but he was swept away, as it
were, in the unceasing flow of Mr.
Becky’s language; so after a time he
sat in amused bewilderment, waiting
until nature gave out. But when Mr.
Becky felt he was getting exhausted he
rose from his chair, shook hands with
the hostess and her guest, keeping on
talking all the time. They came out
with him to the top of the staircase,
hut could not got a word edgeways
even then, as he talked all Hie way
down to the door and was oven in an
unfinished sentence when the door was
shut behind him. They looked at each
other and roared.—Freeman’s Journal.
The Soldier Ant.
The lion is the king of beasis, but ail
of his magnificent strength and feroc
ity would avail him nothing when lie
faced a more ant. But this ant is not
the usual kind which peacefully goes
about its domestic duties day by day.
It is the terrible driver or soldier ant,
said to be the most invincible creature
in the world.
Against those tiny enemies no man
or hand of men, no lion or tiger nor
even a herd of elephants, can do any
thing but hurriedly get out of the way.
Among the Barotse natives a favorite
form of capital punishment is to coat
the victim with grease and throw him
before the advancing army of soldier
ants. The quickness with which the
poor wretch is dispatched is marvelous
when it is considered that each ant
can do nothing more Ilian merely tear
out a small particle of flesh and carry
it off. Yet in a surprisingly short time
tiie writhing victim will have been
changed into a skeleton.
Waiting For tho Note,
An English churchman tells the fol
lowing: “At one of our cathedrals the
minor canon was ill and could not sing.
A suffragan bishop had a good voice
and volunteered to sing the litany.
‘Go,’ he said to the verger, ‘and tell
the organist that I will sing the litany
and ask him to give me the reciting
note.’ ‘Please, sir,’ said the verger to
the organist, ‘tiie bishop has sent mo
to you to say lie will sing tiie litany.’
‘All right,’ said the organist. Seeing
the verger remain, he said, ‘You need
not stay.’ ‘Please, sir, the bishop ask
ed me to ask you if you would give
him a something—l didn't quite catch
—note.’ ‘You mean the reciting note.’
‘That’s it, sir; that’s it.’ Seeing the
verger still remaining, he said, ‘You
need not stay.’ To which tiie verger
said, ‘Please, sir, shall I take it to his
lordship?’ ”
A Japnnr*e Wedding.
A Japanese wedding is a quaintly
pretty ceremony. The bride, dressed
in a white silk kimono and white veil,
sits on tiie floor facing her affianced
husband. Near them are two tables,
upon one of which are two cups, a bot
tle of sake and a kettle with two spouts.
On the other are a miniature plum
tree, typifying the beauty of the bride;
a miniature Ur tree, representing the
strength of the bridegroom, and a stork
stands on a tortoise, signifying long
life and felicity. The bride and bride
groom drink alternately from the two
spouted kettle in token that they will
henceforth share each other’s joys and
sorrows. After the wedding the bride’s
veil is laid away to be used as her
shroud when she dies.
Her Husband Was Not In.
“Husband in?” asked the gas col
lector cheerfully.
“No.” answered the woman, “he isn't
at home.”
“Expecting him .soon?” asked the
collector.
••Wei!.” the woman replied thought
fully. T don't know exactly. I’ve been
lookin’ for him seventeen years, and he
hasn’t turned up yet. You travel about
a good deal, and if you see a man who
looks as though he’d make me a pretty
good husband tell him I’m still await
in’ anil send him along.”
There is no law agaln«t laughter. Yon
are here on earth and entitled to i’.J
sunshine.
Ant Robbed by LUnrd.
While walking along the road on the
outskirts of Bordigliera I noticed a
strange looking insect moving across it
in a peculiar way. On getting nearer I
saw that what had attracted my notice
was a black ant about an inch long
with brown wings dragging a cricket
bigger than itself. It held the cricket
by the head, and us the aat moved
backward it drew tbe cricket toward it.
While doing so it entered the shadow
cast by my umbrella and instantly re
leased its hold and got out of tbe shad
ow; but, finding there was no danger, it
returned and seized its prey again by
the head and recommenced its back
ward movement. A low wall ran along
side the road, and when the ant got
within six feet of it a common brown
lizard appeared on the top of the wall
and evidently soon caught sight of tlie
ant, for it ran quickly down tiie wall
and to within two feet of it. where it
crouched for a second or two like a cat
ready to spring and then charged the
ant, apparently hutting the cricket free
with its head. Before the ant could re
gain its liokl the lizard seized the crick
et in its mouth and darted up the wall
in the direction from which it original
ly appeared on the scene, leaving the
ant running round and round, moving
Its wings in an agitated manner, vainly
searching for its lost prey.—Nature.
Tito Jill]KUicut of Hull Caine.
Before tiie hand of fame dropped her
laurels lightly on his brow, to speak
poetically, Hall Caine was a publisher’s
reader and in that capacity held in his
hands the fate of many a book. That
his good judgment was not altogether
infallible is shown by the fact tmu he
read and, so it is sa.d, rejected “The
Romance of Two Worlds,” which soon
afterward was published and became
the success of the year.
On one occasion a budding author
managed to gain access to his office for
the purpose of submitting a book to
biin.
Rail Caine took the manuscript from
tbe man's bands and glanced over it
for perhaps twenty minutes. Then he
gave it back, with a few words of sug
gestion and criticism.
“I do not think, Mr. Caine,” said the
ambitious writer, “that you should dis
pose of my ideas in tin's summary fash
ion. That book cost me a year’s labor.”
“Indeed!” said Mr. Caine. “My dear
fellow, an impartial judge would give
yon at least ten!”
Tin* Sensation of Hunger.
The sensation of hunger has not been
easy to explain. The new theory of a
German physician is that it is due to
emptiness of the blood vessels of the
stomach, and it Is pointed out that hun
ger is appeased with the rush of blood
to the stomach following the taking of
food and beginning of digestion. In
many anaemic persons who have no ap
petite when the stomach is empty the
blood vessels are really congested in
stead of being empty. Lack of blood
in the stomach in health acts on a spe
cial nerve, which is a branch of the
same nerve trunk as the nerves of the
mouth and tongue. A stimulus applied
to the tongue, as by a spice, thus in
creases appetite, while disease affecting
the nerves of the tongue may produce
loss of appetite even when the stom
ach is empty.
Wblppera.
In the Press of New Zealand may be
read this startling advertisement: “A
father desires the services of a trust
worthy lady to administer corpora!
punishment to his three girls. State
salary, reference and experience.”
A year or two ago this Spartan par
ent’s needs were anticipated by the
following advertisement in the Ixmdon
Standard: “A clergyman’s widow,
strict disciplinarian, gives lessons to
unruly boys and giris. Advice letter.
ss; borne consultation. Os. Od.; cor
poral punishment, from Bs. fid. Visits
Mil parts. Terms according to distance,
ltods supplied. Is. Od. eu«4t.”
Inviting a ItejM-tltlon.
One Rummy a teacher was trying to
Illustrate to her small scholars the les
son, “Upturn good for evil” To make
It practical she said. •‘Suppose, chil
dren, one of your s-.’ioo miaou should
strike yon and the next day you should
bring him an apple-- that would be one
way of returning good for evil,” To
her dismay, one iittle girl spoke up
quickly. "Then he won In strike you
again to get another app'-d”
An Antlior Ftxolnlns.
Mrs. Marigold—How do you happen
to Ik* so much brighter tbtin other peo
ple. Mr. Author?
Mr. Author- Well—e •- you see. the
criticisms of uiy Ixioks make me smart.
Kansas City Journal.
Lethal Organ
• • • of • • •
Coffee County.
SI.OO per Annum
Complicated Relationship!!.
“It’s astonishing when you come to
think of it bow the simplest appearing
marriages may have complicated re
sults,” said a philosopher the other day.
“Of course when a man marries a
young girl and his son marries the
girl's mother the possible offspring have
all sorts of relationships with their
parents. But take a simpler case. A
chap I know married his first cousin’s
daughter some years ago and lias two
children. Those olive branches are
first cousins once removed to their
grandfather and second cousins to their
mother on tbe father’s side and first
cousins twice removed to their father
on their mother’s side. Then each is
second cousin once removed to himself.
A similar state of affairs occurs of
course in the case of children of mar
ried first cousins.
“I think I’ve proved my theorem,
haven’t I, that complicated results of
ten follow simple enough causes?”
Market Value* of Dead Rut*.
A New England senator tells a story
of n certain wealthy business man in
Providence, 11. 1., whose reputation for
tight fistedness in business matters is a
matter ol' common knowledge even in
neighboring states.
Not long ago the man of strict busi
ness principles engaged a professional
ratcatcher to undertake the task of rid
ding his warehouse cellars of the trou
blesome rodents that infested them.
The ratkiiler presented bis bill, show
ing that tiie Providence man was in
debted to the former in the sum of $lO.
“Good gracious,” exclaimed the tight
fisted man as he glanced at the bill,
“$10!” Then after a second’s pause he
anxiously asked:
“Don’t I get anything for the rats?”—
New York Tribune.
Tli<* Secret of Harmony.
Young Mrs. Mead, whose experience
of married life bad been brief and
happy, bad just engaged two servants,
a man and his wife, for work at her
place.
“I am so glad you are married!” sho
said to the man, with whom she had.
made terms. “1 hope you are very,
very happy, and that you and your
wife never have any difference of opin
ion.” i
“Faith, ma’am, Oi couldn't say that,”
replied the new servant, “for we iia ce
a good inanity, hut Oi don’t let Bridget
know of thim, and so we do be getting
along well.”
A Spider Ilnlloon.
Tremendous spiders can be seen in
the forests of Java, the webs of these
creatures being so strong that it some
times requires a knife to cut through
them.
A Texas spider weaves a balloon four
feet long and two feet wide, which it
fastens to a tree by a single thread,
then marches on board with its little
ones, cuts the thread, and away goes
the air ship to some distant place to
make a new home.
Bitter.
“No,” said Mr. Crabbp; “I certainly
won’t buy you that extravagant bonnet.
Isn’t there anything else you’d be satis
fied to wear?”
“Oil, yes!” replied his wife. “I saw a
very plain and cheap one today that I'd
be delighted to wear.”
“Indeed! Well?”
“Well, It’s a widow’s bonnet” —Phila-
delphia Press.
R<*B»mir«*<].
Angelina (anxiously * Are you sure,
dear, that you don't regret It and that
you don’t sometimes miss your life us
a bachelor?
Edwin (with cheerful conviction)—
Not a bit I tell you what, Ang.v. I
miss it so little that if ! were to lose
you—a—l’m blessed If I wouldn’t marry
again.
The Safer iHethud.
“Ray.” began the first man. nibbling
his pen. “how do yon spell ‘gibbering’—
with a •«’ or a ‘J ?’ ”
“I don't spell it at all,” replied the
other. "When 1 want to call a man
that sort of nri idiot 1 Just say it. I'm
not fool enough Jo put it in writing."—
Washington Star.
Th» Proper Ttilnsr.
Miss Keedlck—Mr. Gilley actually of
fered himself to Miss IJariey on a
postal cant.
Miss Gasket—What did she do?
Miss Kcedick— Refused lilm. She
said she preferred sealixl proposals.
We find we can satisfy a fripnd w**
have not seen l»«*foi*** rn tw -my yisiM
by* telling him ir- doP , .»i't.,loo* a
older, bpt if it years we.ha e
to make It anr hour.A Atchison Globe