Newspaper Page Text
FUN IN POLITICS.
flow HIT n—re* W Orlbblmu
„ I don't believe I ever told you about
thc way Colonel Gribbins got used up
in making political speeches in a hot
campaign thirty years ago, with Sam
Hex ford, did I V' asked Uncle Parker:
No, however had.
\y e ll. the long and the short of it
that Gribbin* and llexy, as they
called him, was stumpin’ the State
together givin’ discussions on the
issues of the time. Gribbins was a
re g Mar rattler on the stump an* they
hsdn t been on the road two days be
fore llexy found out that he had a
mighty big contract on hand. They
wM t, o th good speakers, an’ either one
on ’em could hold an audience till they
got hungry, an’ though llexy was with
out the least mite of a doubt away
nlicad of the old man in sound argy
,nent an’ convincin’doctrine, still Grib
bins had the faculty of dishin’ up a
sUsliin’ lot o' sarcasm, an’ si ingin’ it
in jest at the right time to tickle thc
crowd an’ either spike all Hexy’s big
-cst guns or turn ’em square round, an’
make ’em pint the wrong way. llexy
.li ln’t like this a bit, for. he was a
~nn man, an' it hurt him like fury to
r|ie laugh turned on him, for he
v:IN !lS a matter of course, full o’ van-
jtu an’ thought more of a woman's
smile than a man's vote, lie kept a
weather eye on the old man, though,
studied all his p’ints an’ dodges, an’
nifl de up his mind to get even with the
old fox, or never go borne. But lie had
bis hands full, now, you're jest right.
••The colonel was an old stager, an’
|,e didn't propose to be caught nappin,’
so wlienever Hexy’d git puffed up a
little with the conceit that he had got
him jest about where he wanted him,
as soon as the old man got the boards
a! /aiu' he’d find himself worse took in
tun i ever, for away the old fallow would
sail o vef his head clear out of reach,
with some new piece of connin' that
llexy’d never dreamed of. It worried
the youngster like blazes, but he wasn’t
the sort to throw up the sponge, an’ he
hung on with full confidence that he
would he able by some hook or crook
to yank the old silver-tongue around
rWrt where he wanted him before he
got through, and that's jest what he
done.
“ For three day* llexy watched the
dd mail like a hawk, and didn't let a
or gesture git away from him.
Kvory look, every syllable, every move
of tin* hand, every smile, every twitch
o' the lips, every squint o’ the eye, was
all marked an’ laid away for use when
the time come.
“ About the third day, I think it was,
llexy noticed that the colonel had a
fashion o’ lay in’ his specks on the
stand, an’ then about the time he got
ready to sling red-hot sarcasm thickcr’n
hljick-legs at a boss race, he'd pick'em
up, set ’em on his nose, an’ in less n a
minute shove ’em away back on his
bald-head, an’ then cut loose, and bile
along with a vengeance. All at oncet
n cj
it popped intollexy’s head how Dan’l
Webster had floored the head boy at
school by cuttin’ off a button that he
fumbled with while sayin his lesson,
an’ he saw in a minute how he could
, straighten out the colonel in the same
*sy. before the speakin’ begun the
next afternoon he bought two dozen
pairs o' cheap specks, of the same pat
tern as the old man’s an’ then laid low
I for big game.
“That day the colonel was feeliu’
I an’ I r’ally b’lieve was out doin’
I himself. Hexy was settin’ on the
I other side o’ stand from liim, watchin’
I for his chance. Bimeby, the old man
■ picked up his specks as usual, clapped
I’em on his head and struck his gait.
■ The next minnte Hexy laid another
Ipsir upon the stand. Presently the old
■ man accidently pot his hand on the
H Hand, got hold of the specks, an’
■‘timed 'em tip alongside o' the totlier
■ ones. The audience roared, which
■ •posin' he’d made a good p’int, spurred
B l ni np an’ agged him on. Well, Ilexy
■ k,, PUn pilin’ more specks on to the
■itaiii], an' the ole rooster kept on
■•tuckin' ’em up on to his head till his
bald skull looked like the show
■*inder of a silversmith's shop, the
all the while shoutin’ harder an’
firin' him up more au' more, for
it all to be reg'lar applause,
■ ' at ‘Hat oncet be clapped his hand
f n that pile o’ glassware, an' he
W* lSa lost man at that minute. The
unspeakable helpless look come
■ J '" r bint anybody ever saw ; his knees
■ together, an’ he tumbled, wilted
■, .helpless into the chair, and didn't
k Ke another speech during that cam-
Jbat’s the way Hexy floored
The Hartwell Sun.
By £. B. BENSON.
VOL. VII., NO. .
Jim.
‘‘You want to see my boy Jim?" said
the old mau, querulously. “Well, you’ll
have to travel a long way first, 1 reckon,
for he don’t live here, uor hasn't for the
past teu years; he was too smart for me,
was Jim—knew a heap more than his
old dad—wanted to sit idle and run the
farm by machinery, talked about
scieuce and kemistry and the like, was
sassy and disobedient, and he went
away like the prodigal sou, ouly he ain’t
never come back yet.
“What do you sav ? Bead ? Mebbe
so, mebbe uo —the ways of God arc past
fiudiu’out! All I know is I did my
dooty by him. He was well raised,
but he nigh onto broke our hearts, his
mother and mine! She was kiud of
easy with him—women are soft creatures
ennywav —but I did by him as my
father did by me, and he was a God
fearing, God-serving man! I never let
him go to a circus in his life, though he
would run away and get in somehow,
and I minded Solomon’s precepts not
to spare the rod and spoil the child.
‘What is that ? beat him ? Of conrse I
beat him and tried to get the Old Adam
oaten him, and the more I whipt him
the more carnal natur he showed! I
kept him at work from mornin’ till
night, accordiu’ to good old Doctor
\Vattß-his-name:
“ ‘For Satan finds some mischief still
For idle hands to do.’
“Twan’t a bit of use ! That boy was
bound to go to the bad! He learned
keerds and hoss-raciu' and began to talk
impious—said there was no harm in
ownin’ a fast boss and that there wasn’t
a bit of sin in playin’ keerds and wanted
to bring ’em iuto the house. N\ by, I'd
burned the ruff over my bed fust! And
I had to fight ’em both. His mother
was that soft and womanish ; said she’d
learn to play to keep him at home, and
thought mebbe the Lord would forgive
her, and she a purfessor, too! Oh, it
was hard, hut I did my dooty. I told
him he could go and make his bed, and
ez he made it he’d have to lie in it, but
we wouldn’t have him bringing his
rioting companions into our fold, so he
chose his way and went, and stranger,
we've never set eyes on him or heard
from him since. I told him he was no
son of mine, nor could he tech a penny
of my hard earuin’s and then he asked
if I begrudged him my love, and I told
him I had no fellowship with unbe
lievers, and he cried a little —he was
soft like bis mother —and that was the
last I see of him. I don’t mind tell in’
you it has worried me some, that I
wasn’t stricter with him, and I’ve prayed
to be frorgiven if I ever let him have
his own way, but he was elected to be
lost. I ’spose it’s in the plan of salva
tion !
“What’s that ? You’ve seen him ?
Well, now, if lie is acquainted with a
likely looking young man like you, he
can’t be very far astray.
“I kind of conceited my instructions
might follow him. llieres the very
strap I used to lather him with, stran
ger. I’ve alius kept it to remind me
that I did my dooty ! And you’ve seen
Jim ? How does he look ? Favors me,
don’t he? Well! well! and you say
he's made money ? Not boss racin ?
No! in a good business! Well, now,
I’m real glad he didn’t turn out so bad
arter all; but he couldn’t very well,
when both his father and mother are
purfessors —and that boy knew the
Wesmiuster Catekisin by heart when he
was uine years old, and I mind now a
whippin’ I give him for saying he‘hated
the old thing!’ Awful speech, wasn t
it ? But he was just that unregenerate !
And you’re his best chum ?
“Mother, come here aud see Jim’s
chum.
“That’s his mother coming now ; she’s
kind of weak and foolish about Jim.
Lord ! what’s the matter of the woman?
“Why, she's kissin’ and a-cryiu’ over
the stranger.
“What! our Jim ?
“No! that likely young man our bad
boy Jim?
“Well! well! the ways of the Lord
are past findin’ out.
“Now, you see mother, what’s come
of ray alius doin’ my dooty by that
boy v’—Detroit Free Press.
Vigor, strength and health all found
iu one bottle of Brown’s Iron Bitters.
Devoted to Hart County.
HARTWELL. GA.. SEPTEMBER til, 1882.
The Value of Milk.
A physician, the other day, complain
ed of having a headache. We joking
ly told him that a brother of his cured
the complaint by taking a certain sort
of pill. “ I don't believe in taking
pills,” he answered. We rejoined:
•‘You would rather give them to oth
ers.” Another Doctor, not a thousand
miles from the city, is said to have
advised and instructed his wife, when
sick, that, in case any of his brethren
called upon him and prescribed, to
make no opposition, at the time, but
afterward throw the medicine out of
the window. It would appear from
these facts that the Doctors, in many
cases, do not believe in drugs as much
as their patients do, and that many
complicated nostrums are recommend
ed, because the sick man or woman will
have it so. Medicine, like law. has
been obscured because the generality
of mankind do not believe in simple
remedies for anything. The lawyer
and the doctor are not to blame for
taking advantage of the fools whose
number, according to Solomon is infi
nite. What-, however, we want to come
to is that nobody believes in simple
medicament more than the doctors
themselves, and, when permitted, they
are just as sparing of drugs to the pa
tient as they are to themselves. We
are reminded of this by observing that
General Robert C. Schenck declares
that he had been given up as incurable,
some months ago, when suffering from
Bright's disease of the kidneys, but
had been cured by a diet of skimmed
milk, which a physician recommended.
In the same communication, we see it
stated that nothing is better for typhoid
fever than the use of milk. The rem
edy is enforced by the following anec
dote :
Surgeon General Barnes, about three
years ago, heard of an old allopathic
physician in Virginia who, it is alleged,
never failed to cure typhoid fever. As
there were man}' patients in the United
States army with the disease, General
Barnes concluded to visit the ancient
Virginia doctor and learn how he treat
ed his typhoid patient. When he met
the old gentleman, General Barnes in
quired :
“ Wiiat is the mode of treatment by
which you succeed ?”
“ Why,” replied the venerable physi
cian, “ it’s the simplest thing in the
world ; all you’ve got to do is to get
the patient’s stomach and bowels in
good order, and then fill them up with
buttermilk and keep their stomachs
filled with that alone. That’s all. I
uever lose a patient if he isn’t already
in a collapsed condition when I am
called.”
The Surgeon-General testifies that
the buttermilk treatment was wonder
fully efficacious in typhoid cases in the
army, and the Washington correspond
ent who furnishes these facts adds that
“ some ten years ago the medical socie
ties of France and Russia compared
notes as to the use of plain sweet milk
in the treatment of their hospital ty
phoid patients, and concurred in their
statement that milk not only is of
wonderful efficacy in typhoid cases, but
in the treatment of fever generally.”
Voltaire by just such plain treatment
arrested the decay of his stomach and
lived many years afterward in excellent
health and with a sound appetite. In
a majority of cases, judicious dieting
will cure many disorders, and we have
no doubt that typhoid and other fevers
can be arrested without bombarding
the stomach with all kinds of pills and
potions. —Augusta Chronicle.
“HOUGH ON BATS.”
Clears out rats, mice, roaches, flies, bed
bugs, chipmunks, gophers. 15c. Druggists.
It was dinner time in .* select board
ing-house when the new boarder ar
rived. He was a venerable-looking
gentleman, with silvery hair, and Ins
face beamed with a sweet repose be
tokening a pure and holy life. As he
joined the table the landlady said:
“Would you ask a blessing?'’ The
venerable stranger shouted. “ You'll
have to talk louder, marin; I'm so
1 d—d deaf.”
Weak muscles and nerves, sluggish
ness of thought and inactivity cured
by Brown's Iron Bitters.
IMrk WinsliipN Duel.
Speaking of Dick Winshlp recalls
his famous duel with the Frenchman at
Marseilles. Dick was then Second
Lieutenant of our Scorpion, stationed
there at the time, and as usual kept the
whole fleet and half the town on net
tles through his endless practical jokes.
The slang expression for Frenchmen in
those days was ** frog-eaters," and the
wife of a French captain of military
having presented her lord with twins,
Dick had the “ nerve ” to tender the
happy father, nt a public banquet, a
stuffed group, consisting of a big frog
holding on its knees a couple of smaller
ones. Of course there was a challenge,
ami when the captain’s seconds appear
ed, Winship, as the challenged party,
gravely insisted on the duel being
fought in the dark, with pistols, one
shot only being allowed to each man.
This new addition to the co le made a
terrible stir, but as Dick held firm, the
Frenchman was finally forced to sub
mit. On the appointed day, after din
ner, the principals were placed, blind
folded and pistol in hand, in a room at
a hotel from which every particle of
light had been excluded. At a given
signal on thc closed door, the antagon
ists removed their bandages to find
themselves in absolute darkness, listen
ing to the beating of their own hearts,
and each afraid to fire first, for fear of
thus exposing his location to thc other.
Dick quietly took off his shoes, and
feeling for the chimney—in front of
which he had taken care to be placed—
crept up the fine, descended through a
trap-door in the roof, slipped into a
carriage and rejoined his dinner party,
which at once devoted itself to making
a night of it, in the highest glee pos
sible. The next morning they return
ed to thc hotel and opened the room,
which had been as silent as the grave
all night. Kneeling in his corner,
every muscle quivering with the un
bearable suspense, was the militia cap
tain, his auburn hair turned white by
the horrors of that interminable night.
—San Francisco Fast.
A Gentle Horse.
Eli Perkins writes: My wife, having
been run away with once, is always
afraid the horse is going to ruu away
with her again. Yesterday when Har
rington, who runs the Maplewood Hall
stables, brought up a span, lie had to
stand the usual questioning :
“Now, are they very gentle ?”
“O, certainly—kind as kittens.”
“Hid they ever run away ?”
“Never.”
“Do you think they could run away V
Harrington looked at the horses sadly
and said : “Madame, to be frank with
you, I don't think they could.”
“Well, have they ever been fright
ened ?”
“No, never. Nothin’ could frighten
’em,” said Harrington.”
“Has anything ever happened to
them that would have frightened them
if they had been skittish ?” continued
my wife earnestly. #
“Well, yes, ma’am; su thin’ did
happen tuther day that, would have
skeered ’em ef they’d been skittish.’
“What, Harrington - what ?”
“Why, I was drivin’ along down the
Woolscy hill; a storm came up, an’ six
streaks of lightnin’ struck them horses
right on the head and —"
“Did they run ?”
“No, ma'am ; they didn’t move; they
jest stood still and pawed the ground
for more lightnin’. They liked it.
“An*, the next day,” continued Har
rington, “A city feller was drivin this
team, an’ he let a railroad train go
right through ’em.”
“Did it kill them ?”
“No, but the city feller was all used j
up. But you oughter a seen them
bosses. They acted so-human like. Why,
when they picked them out of the trees,
they walked straight up to the city
feller, took him by the seat of his pan
taloons —”
“Oh, my!"
“Lifted him right back into the wagon
again, and—”
“My gracious me!”
“And then they hitched themselves
back onto the wagon and drove them
selves home. Didn’t they, Mr. Kettelle.''
—New York Commercial Advertiser.
Terms, SI.OO in Advance.
Farmer Drown.
" Good by, papa."
The plump, white arms of Erica
Brown were thrown about her father’s
neck, and the pretty face with its riant
mouth and cunning dimples was press
ed closely to the bronzed cheek of the
farmer as lie stood in the kitchen door
way a moment before going out to his
daily toil.
“I am going to plow thc south mead
ow this morning, my darling," lie said
to the girl, “ and when noon comes you
must have my accounts as treasurer of
the church all arranged, because the
building committee will be here after
dinner, and I am to turn over the mon
ey in my hands, so that the erection of
the new church in the little dell just be
yond where we buried that mouse col
ored heifer two years ago last spring,
can be commenced at once”—and,
kissing his daughter again, Fanner
Brown took a bite of hard tobacco and
went away into the glad sunlight.
*****
The petals of the June roses had
fallen like a pink carpet along the edge
of the woods, contrasting prettily with
the vivid green of the grass and leaves.
Above the hum of insects and the twit
tering of the birds rose the sturdy voice
of Farmer Brown, swearing at thc off
inule. “Get up, darn it!” lie said.
But the mule only waved its ears in a
sensuous, languid lashion, and looked
wistfully into the next meadow where
the starry-eyed kine were grazing, and
the old sorrel mare that had a splint on
her near front leg was quailing the in
cense of thc new-born day. Picking
up a Hliort stick, the farmer advanced
and struck the faithful mule a cruel
blow just abaft his midship ribs.
Stretching out his hind legs in adreamy
listless way, the mule felt them touch
something, and in a moment Farmer
Brown was sailing in the far blue over
head.
The little church in the mossy dell is
not completed yet, and the building
committee is anxiously awaiting for the
treasurer to come down.
—-
Soda for Kurus.
All kinds of burns, including scalds
and sunburns, are immediately relieved
by the application of a solution of soda
to the burnt surface. It must he re
membered that dry soda will not do
unless it is surrounded with a cloth
moist enough to dissolve it. The method
of sprinkling it on and covering with
a wet cloth is often the best. But it is
sufficient to wash the wounds repeatedly
with a strong solution.
It would he well to keep a bottle of
it always on hand, made so strong that
more or less settles in the bottom. This
is what is called a saturated solution,
and really such a solution as this is
formed when the dry and a is sprinkled
on and covered with a moistened cloth.
It is thought by some that the pain
of a burn is caused by the hardening of
the albumen of the flesh, which presses
on tlieiierves, and that thtsoda dissolves
the albumen and relieves the pressure.
Others think that the burn generates
an acrid acid, which the soda neutral
izes.
Mr. Stephens oil Dr. Felton.
Mr. Stephens was asked yesterday
what lie thought of Dr. Felton's recent
tirade against him.
“ Dr. Felton is mad, I presume,”
said the old commoner, “because I am
the nominee of the democratic party.
Nothing lias occurred but this to change
his opinion of me that I know of since
his flattering address issued at the last
Markham house conference. Every
thing 1 ever said to help Dr. Felton
was done to help him as a democrat.
When he leaves his party and joins j
with the republican administration he
will find as much in me to abuse as lie
will in any good democrat in Georgia.”
— Constitution.
Mr. J O. Sanders who, it will be
remembered, was advertised ns offering
to bet sooo that Speer would be elected
by two thousand majority, now says
that the offer wa9 never made. An
Athens gentleman was anxious to cower
Mr- Sanders’ wager, and hence the
explanation —Atlanta Constitution.
A man in Macon county is married
to bis seventh wife.
WHOLE NO. m
SNAKES AT A FUNERAL.
Tlicj Woiirn for litml Won nn<l liiolat
on ll|H|[ Hurled llilli Mini.
A few days ago a young man, wlioac
life had been devoted mainly to wiok
edness and dissipation, died at his
lintne near Blue Springs, James county,
and his last days were attended with
snob singular circumstances that wo
deem them worthy of notice. Lying
prostrate on his bed of sickness, he re*
alized tlmt his days were fast drawing
to a close, and that death would soon
claim its own, so he summoned his mo
ther and father to his bedside, and in
bitter vindictives told them that ho
would soon die—Hint he would be
eternally damned, and that on their
shoulders rested the awful sin.
On the day of his death, a few hours
before the ominous shadows gathered
about his brow, the young man became
a raving maniac and uncontrollable.
He wildly battled with imaginary foes,
telling those in the room that devils
were after him, and in agonizing, heart
rending tones prayed that tley be
driven off. In this horrible condition
ho died. Preparations were made for
the funeral, and on the following day a
Baptist minister was sent for to con
duct the service. A sad little party of
mourning friends followed the remains
to their last resting place, and when
they arrived at the new made grave,
which was in a cluster of pines near
the house, they witnessed a most
strange proceeding, which sent terror
thrilling to their hearts. A large heap
of logs lay near the grave, and when
the coffin was opened for a last view,
out of this heap of logs emerged a
large black snake, about six feet in
length, followed by numerous smaller
ones, all of them uttering a hissing,
mournful sound. They came to the
coffin, stood erect on their tails, and
viewed the remains as complacently as
would human beings. The spectators
were so astounded by this turn of af
fairs that they stood amazed with fear,
but after a while regaining their pres
ence of mind, they drove the snakes
back into the log heap. The coffin was
lowered iuto the grave, and theu the
snakes reappeared and plunged into
grave, taking refuge under and round
the coffin. No effort was made to get
them out, so they were covered up and
buried witli the young man’s remains.
This story was told us by a perfectly
reliable gentleman, whose veracity can
not be doubted, and w t) can attest that
Tic was perfectly sober and serious when
the incident was related. —Chattanooga
Times.
A Methodist Minister I'reaches in Favor
of Dancing.
A Methodist minister of Trenton, N.
J., has recently preached a sermon iu
favor of dancing. More than this, lie
lias told the young people, and ; especial
ly the young girls of the Methodist de
nomination, that there is no harm in
waltzing, and that they may waltz as
much at they want to. At first sight
it seems a rather startling sort of ser
mon to come from a Methodist minis
ter, inasmuch as the Methodist sect
has repeatedly and loudly condemned
dancing as a device of Satan, but it is
not as startling as it seems. The min
ister who preached the sermon in ques
tion approves of waltzing only on the
condition that young girls and young
men waltz alone. With the step and
movement of the waltz he has no fault
to find, but lie sternly condemns the
“ close proximity ” of waltzers who
waltz according to the established cus
tom#
An KiiHnisiastic Brother.
Apropos of the various camp meet
ings now in progress, the story told of a
certain meeting of this character among
the colored people iu the South a few
years ago, is not inappropriate. It was
a Methodist camp, and one Sunday
night, when a young white preacher
was iu attendance, the sable worshipers
seemed to be powerfully moved to
nhouting and exhortation. The minister
earnestly prayed that the power of the
devil might be “curtailed.” Amen!
bress de Lor’ for dat!” shouted an old
darkey close by the altar. “Oh, yes,
Lor’! cut him tail smoove, smack off!”
“See, mamma!” exclaimed a little
child, as puss, with arching spine and
elevated rudder, strutted around tho
table, “see, kitty’s eaten so much sho
can’t shut her tail down !”
The Waynesboro True Citizen baa
been shown an car of corn which was
12 inches long, weighed pounds,
had 22 rows, 42 grains to the row, and
a total of 1)24 grains.
St. Johns county, Fla., pays a pre
mium for wild-cat scalps.