The democrat. (Crawfordville, Ga.) 1877-1881, October 29, 1881, Image 6

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The democrat., October 29, 1881, Image 6

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Newspaper Page TextOf B VOL \b FOLKS. I >np|>u«e Wilk If I.UUr Hoy & 1 Mm * Srtr »/!• IIi 1'ixanirr.ff lfi mb iallftil jut *»r d. Ui* toooo. it •*..« 4jm! I o» ifht a kMMi < Mid my »uig ( A tin I J dy into • h .rr.bt« miff, Idlsr **i) > >An+!‘*>n» lac****'. Or m Io->k, U ftti UUui l Ju*t ove r tb« mooli! ff f m nft liiUedMih sd Vuir iiTt? <?*> 4 iel ft j rout ing W dl .,4 ili gW\ t, ] mid* uu'ter * pat!, t’d D.GD.it e »b>l grtiUiMt: tod nimbi* ml rill, At d I d »rar! ’ jlr»> »sh*rk Or • *f turk. A* I |/r«i(Td a •r l u Ui<- 'lark: (Iu* if f a !«•«” imv cb of a I »< il try t'» I* f iitfli i uttly < Aji..' ti l alt ’ tip itriBifni of hy To th* If fntiftg t fl Vcch a yry tinr*i loy— I » I •r I vb ,uM. l s/ I f » g • «j: *»| % | ittlf V Ajf* in ft MiisUi’l. His little to & bf«kd, .itHl tl t0 b Ijuiig fM*ciir**ly on Trottv’k arm. N-»t aii hour ln*{orf Aunt Tjou f< Himl lbiflf, t!io white bantam’*, **i^*J.t*i” away in the ouwaugetit i»ia« tu norl h .Site loft twoof the iggw for the “n^t,’ *nd gavr Trotty thf* r> *»♦ to furry bouie. Tln-rf's a holo in the banket, an<j niiml. I Imvf |»ut a jmpfr over it, if HI ’ fan fill not t<* t that out «»f tb« egten will go all right, f think.” Trolly nai l, “ Ok, I'll lie careful,” but that wan the la«t h!i« tlioiight of the bole in the banket for some tune. Tlxia hi what ahf* did think. “Oh, ain’t I I enme over to Aunt I/<m’K titin morning ! There’ll la* junt Oil* chicken apiece au<i two for the baby. I hope oue’II he white, ami one brown, and one blue, and one black, ami Hie baby’* two apeekled. Susie may bave thr black one in place of her kitten that got drowiid/’d. The blue one’ll bare to l>e May’s, I m’|k>w% ’<*au»e Aunt f*wi nay* blue units her bent. Tom can take the brown one, ami the wliib^ on© I guf*H Hi have, ami 1 hope it’ll be a r«*>ster, tin y look so cute crowing, *Sf»ocmlly white ones. The HjM*ckle<l oti< , * , ll V»e nuM^at for baby. lie likes thingD mixed up. I musn’t forget to tell Knit* to watch him. He’ll wring their head* off ami ninff ’«*m in his month, art he tried to Toin’a duck, Chiekftirt what’s got feathers on ain’t good food, any wav tlieir heads ai n’t ” Trotty didn't tliirt. loiter along going as d..~ thought all Sin* was an str basket tight home aa hIu* could go, with the on lift' arm. V I wonder how long it takes to hatch )d>r tJmughUiau on; “wouldn’t it b«’ funny if th»*y should lie all hatched out when 1 get letrue? I'll just peek in ami Tiotty nee it they’re the basket pipped down, yet,” lifted the put < <»ver only a little way, hatched” ho that it the chick should la* 14 dnar they e<nl!dn*t get out, and looked in. What HlW* HUH was a large hole in the bottom «»1 lli« 1 m vk< t mid! a of jmiH*r 111 <>11© tiHiviutr, nothing nnn<*. “Oh, i’tc 1 o'»h«mI ’em every one. It I only < >uM have saved jUrtt the two M»**ekh*<l ova* forbabv !’* lr.il> was Kitting „ <»„ tin* „ ground , with ,! ' ” d '"‘ r la >’> ,!r v, [ l 8> *> . ' td ,| * 81 iV \ ,'V d ‘V“ }’‘K V r .'‘ . - hol.l y , lllsd«t carefully in ■ bis J j aospuelt . . <*l i w net.’ ask-d , . the . QMtt. vludu l..;Uy .aiow by Ins voice was 1 ,......•*«Tiotty. - *,T .. «fhml , sii ■ ' 1 I ve loosed them all V '"V V‘ l " M " rk ’ as he ha.kcd <1,to , hm hat V ,v ;,1 hatched yet, hut they «.,« going to he. tlmi s il ■•* it > said Uncle Mark, h#-.o*.p,*, down h. put stMueltiing ■t 1 **’ it|s ' 1 k ' *• “ "rtl. ■l-o.sv toot, into yonr.hasKet, th, , a, aud ,g.ui:t your ctucliens, Hinv enough, th«re were the six eggs »iJ fate jiml sound. You nee 'I'rojty was nneh it very little ttiul OAri iml tin? Imnket; so near the l^roriml thw^ thm iuol tallcui out 011 tlio t iviiss. one hv one, without tweaking o .singiu .shelL ~-YnutU'r. ('wii)Minton, ^tUlhitiff \\ lisps. ’ id a rtiile tho other da v, ho f*?» v onr p epic wanted to gel cv n will, t iiiopleot (be ii-\t (own, who h 1,1s . -'uv,ad missionary with a alto ■ l"t "I i, lot* the week !,, for-. The too!irve w a* all ulsnit wasp* and he ties ao.l «ueh. aod the lecturer had a m uie uviiKffn mui a nnciMs,«>), -, anu every a, :nv tint was adapted to improve and -lie , -t hit mu-d as our minister na; t wh-u oe .iitiodn-c.l him. 1 believe ?b. ,.*<• lm> ) w. s a wo ... o, b.nl umn, w ho cam ■ to ear ,,la ■ to get me into tr-mblc. *” >l wh > W«U:.eth„ low.,.Study W , n. and led us „. w to ct «*;« m- us wit lamt getting atnug? W i-owir-ip ),-.,ple tnoughl U was all >;...ut, to.wvver, and Mr. I ravers said to ■ hi.uoi to what the gentleman mind , a ilium, and improve your *, Ili wanna. - \\\* 11 , 1 ,1 O, gld 1 would do as I was .ns ■ d 'V bis P.....•* „ as . w nest I under Bv.ew of the ahemond- caves of our lau u. 1 pot a ladder aud lantern «h M-.-V nigh, aftei the 1 , ctmv. ami i di .s, dv wasps. The lecturer S,n.f that, the WU.V to downs to wait till lb, « ■ ps ;ot.lHxl, Mid then to enep up to the:, nest With« pave of thin 1 a pm all i \ -dwith Wet mueiUse, and to v? ii. it.:, t over t!,c do.-rof the nest, t)t 1-, iivd * Id* u can't out when ; t’\ u 1’ ) n * ill thf UK iciU,;. :\I d V*>U ho Ut'st a,iu! bang it up in your ....... mil alt r(wi. or tor,-.-,has. When (he nest ami let the wasp* ' a tiU’tn u:ta , ifcwwivu , y „ j mi i { VH S HO tar.u axui cvattiut . tlint , nr think ot stinguiq von. and qudv them all lav ions and UmUU lots Al| U> Sul {a*SS<» 12 s. ><>w is it fUto itoK* h it iv.ir tvui n\HkI man would u • • , -v t., civ such uouschm- as Wits? It’s tay hi !i, t that the h-eturev was lav,s', uv souk Uaxiv to com© a.ul ou oi . • iu*ys x got thoms-oivos l xv;i,- ,t\ >)•:, ] > >| ft l.ultl jr ami ft la , mid a pfcee <d wip* ivu-n-d tvii nvuoilu a-nl 1.dark T olimlxxl lb, d.vjr ■ u mid sp•’ st, :U 1 stopped up then brought the nest [ was going to caxm ' i- my, .-m.lv.' just then motn«f died - so I put the nest under tl” ’ < : , - earn,. . ami went into ’ - , wh, re r was put to be,l for . tali, - th lantern out to thelwrn; *i:d tl m*xt t: ruing " I forgot all «Kmt * vest l tor;-, it become I was Ulnh-it to OU ft picnic with Mr. Trav, is and t»M SvU 1 ftUvt u \x ladle lot ol VXVlm 1 . ;\a«i anv fellow would have forget it if he B=A-^tt.tVS wa * il * *?‘, S witb 25 Jr. .lor,,*, to «e» ansMter, and 1 , an sass&.'SrfJS vi»ion« crowded into the 52 .JS be- 2 wa* carnage p^'w-n fv^n’iKxlvK We hadn't gone momamile when Mr. Travers I’ve em-s out awful : “ My pin good gracious ! Sue, nm au into rnj leg. Why can’t you girii, be more careful about pins?” Sue replied that she hadn’t any pm» w here they could run into anybody, and was going to sav something killed, more when and hik screamed as if she down was liegan to jump uji and and shake herself. Just then Dr. Jones jumped alsmt two feet straight in to (he air, and said, “ Oh my !” and Miss Travers took to screaming “ Fire 1 murder! help!” and slapping herself 111 a way that was quite awful, I liegan to think tliev were all gone crar.v, when all of a sudden I remembered the wasps’ the wasps had got out of the nest, and were exploring all over the carriage. The driver stopped the horses to see what was the matter, and turned pale with fright when he saw Dr. Jones catch th. basket of provisions and throw it out of Hie carriage, and then jurn 11 straight into it. Then Mr. Travers and his aunt and Hue all came living out to get her, and were all mixed up with Dr. Jones aad the provisions on the side of the road. They didn’t stop long, how ever, ha the wasps were looking for theui; BO they got up and rushed for the river, and went into it as if they were going to drown jiieiuselves—only it wasn’t more than two feet deep. George—he’s the driver—was begin ningtoask, that’s “ lathis yersom.swimmin’ match goin’on?” when a wasp hit hun on the neck, and another hit me on the oheek. We left that carriage ir a tmrry, and 1 never stopp , <t till 1 gut to my room, and rolled myself up iu the bed clothes. All the wasps followed me, so that Mr. Travers and Hue and thereat 'f them were left in peace, and mitrbt have gone to the picnic, only they felt as beside, if they must go lmme for arnica, and, the horses had run away, though break they were caught uftci waid, and didn’t This anything. was all because that lecturer ad vised me to study wasps. I follnwisl Ins direct,ons, and it wasn’t my fault tlmt the wasps hoganto study Mr. Trav ers and ins uunt, ami Sue ana Dr. .Tones, and me and George, But father, wlicu he was told about it said that my “con duct was such and the only thing that saved me was that my egs wore slung ^ wit'.', a sw itch .—Jinirny Ilrown. in Harper’* i ou.uu Pcovtc. - s Beecher** Money ‘the One of the mysteries of age is what Henry Ward Beecher has done with lus money. At one time he was ,n rei-eipt of if‘Ji),()00 from bisohurrfi, $10, 0 , x) * 20,000 from |,is lecturing and $10,1100 from marriage ft es, ’ literary ,4 works and his books, mak iug If ccliii'iHiver n t<) ,, leal $,«, ooi) a year. Yet any money to spare. ] Hls household was mo lest, not exp. n , ixc . hitt wif „ W11H ar , M ,tlv not ex ijDowm travagimt; chorit^andyethewasalways be gave m-tliing' that was to llnf „.,.„ 1 ,i„u . \Vnca lie wanted to help Tilton he gave a mortgage upon his ho-sc, mid now he has sold his house, f ml d( U re and Imiidiims and gone to live with; married son. Ke told me he .lid Uu „ ti „* young l.irds had all grown un and llown out of the nest and vet it was a marvel that in his old age he ( .„mfertsh,e home upon (j „. Heights r,uartcrs of Broriklvn a’boanlov. and go into u(ir(w as He spoke with a Mgh and very evident re gret at the breaking up of his old house. This was strange, hut the unfinished stow in regard to his farmer, Thomas Turner, at Voek-skill, is still more st, at, ge. When Turner died Mr. Be clu-r Uthk charge of his pap,* b, and burn* .1« large numher of them, among which, it is alleged, w re a number of prom;-tory ii„-k, notes. Thu whole thing lias a queer aud the quwtlou which agitates newspapermen is where has all the money he has made in the last cent no, ameiuitttig to millions, gone to? 1\ rlmj.s fellow it is otic of these my»leri«K ttml no n.n llinl out, hut the curiosity ; „f find the out natural man undiscovered will prompt channel him to ; tin, thumgh wlti.di it flows. —Pkikuh >[,h,a /,*, v „rd. - * 111 * HarJitt says tliftt. fh.rn tltol^ tuning . . of the wo rl, to the time of ltoirix-.es . m the , a, y t hnstiaii days, mankind had |x;r,x*lva at. only atanil twvu >-ol.e , >•«.«*». lung mnuly twefily^» ->.« y.ai* t-i-e " Id had only theae sayings to lan ;b at. A new; loke was m toe on he average every’JA» Iron, tin time ot Ueitoe.ea to tliF pre,un t d <y , <he uutnher ol j-k-us,- .savings h;m m ’ civa*, d from twenty-,me u. pretty nern lv tlLOOO.mt. an -UiWaiu. proi«ortum ot this vast aggregate, however, consist i g ,;t some luodmoatiou or ci.mh, nation good ot the original .-dole twenty-one. kind immortality V really an ha* a ot oi its own. Ills reproduced in ev ry known dime and tongue. It w pub iished m a uermau paper as a pnrtot the im«rtophy of B.smarck; then with trmnJuhxl t»to r.nghsh. and com, eetea lhs rao.i audUhen repriKlueed iu America »vua attrumted to some of our owu grout ' Btate^aueu. k ... W , have r»\ul , stones . about i* Air. Moody , which . - . undated wrfix tho pnetohood in the .me ot the C msaaet* md ©ouiti of tut? HUxtflH’St tilings winob Sui'itjv Sinvtii i > ; ■. to have criated, hut whe-Uie pnihy K Ixjtrrowevl iroju tt,- third in' fo «©utur\% mo toM.iu Mr. or Mr. licfvlu^r. Rwwvvfr, wo laugh it all the * VnSv. 1 tli far»t that u has Ih i'U ivp^d during tiit 1 host eightetui or iw idr gt uei ifikHi-s botsu't hurt it any more Ui,u© ( DdH» .»tlddl, -string to YTwl 1 ' ’’ *?***' W>B ' W 4 4 *“ d 1 lH ' ,n iuit.c| m winch ( onnectiout . eouiisaml juiW »» rujBMnvsprovoked ’’ nl * '*m wom every wt.ne ui .oe Umon. A „uu> who coiamits nmi ler n» that torYa iurv 1 * wiintoicvc if 4 * 11 ' * 1 A 11 \utfori) i-ih$,-r savs tlmt shlffev. shark is k.xhI eating._A* raw sailor is tin* usual stuffing naiad in -Jiarks, the nr -oritr of the |x-oplc will perhaps rcyxnl the ConuectlSirt ivlihrrs taste with ’ marked degmt of avlciirawou. any Brethor Gardner on Smypathj. ^jtsaas&sat 'rs <!erer am sentenced to be bung ^, a she r , a .j,. IJfc ,, gin to au - urtle ^ < \ on ; *V r - ftrgittin «fe wid.ler an chill**n 1 ox , victim, w hat uo you call flat? Grant bad two terms, a big salary an’ a good show, an’ while 10 ,lf(ioorfm^ in America wanted bread * public sync patliy” raised a quarter of a million of dollars fur a rnau already rollin’ m wealth ? What do you call tintJy .4 gineral who neber won a 1cattle am pee seated wid 82,000 worf of silver-war frew public sympathy, while 20,000 pri vate sojers, maimed and wounded fur life, have to tight de hull kentry fur a paltry penshun ? What do you call <lat ? A gixsl husband an’ a kind father am killed eliery hour in de day in dn, kentry, an’ a man would have a hard dav’s work to collect a fund of two dol h,rs to help bury him. If Vanderbilt or G,mld "Tu TllVu * Tl!'} V testimonial of a ” ,lll yon d<,1 ' are ’ V * weBt J ho ““* h “* - P 00 ' ff “ "f, 8 ™ aii **' 1 d £ > “P *" **» ra 'f • !ar « e n 'f l°f de ,y ' lknH - V ” <ust h, f nh Kd at a mu r der - “ . de “ t UU “ , W **P , M;r de murderer ’ 1 n ‘ ar V ‘ , * . 8 He n me “ U> 1 “ to P™“» . h ? m > an d,: l® . . 1 * 8 “ S, K 11 a lf t,sl,, ! n to F *?***-. } Vt; D ' ake °«« dav a ” h> upset ’em de .ex. De 'j 13 " who a b'r-at cnme to d, 'T “'V'"! ° Arter slcepm ' on it night call him one we a aii “ II excuses for him. I ub lie sympathy has abolished the gallus’ au ’ yet it will suffer woman and children to starve an’ freeze to death. Men rob our hanks Ml ’ sm pursued, not to be punished, but to Is* given a oommision <"> deir stealings. Public hilled sympathy, but- as I see it, am a sort o’ jar wid termilk, lames, hash, buttons, scrap iron, beer-slops an’ wilted bouquets. I doan’ want any of it. If Ibreakdelaw I wid want misfortune de penalty I enforced. borry If T meet wnnt to instead of ls*g. If I die I want no eulogies on my varchues or criticisms on my failing,’’ — -F,ce Press. Booth’s Body. , The Washington aorrespondent of the Buffalo Cmnvurolal writes : “ltivns ; onlv after some patient inquiry that I | co,xld ascertain the facts, which arc in torest i„ s ami, ns far as I know, are yet unpublished. Booth, the murderer of Abraham Lincoln, died as will ho re mom l„. re d, in a barn in Maryland, from a ' d toimthc musket of Boston Corbett. The laxly was brought identified to Washington, and, after having been I by the court martial before which his fellow conspirators were tried, " as d, ^ ted » b « .*»«’K#fegeneral of ’ •™Jl J h ° h ™ 11 ' u,ld heart aud ' ml< , ‘ ,irk " thu lK,d y wer,! P, r< .; fi ? rv ’. d J? aleolgH and , * ] are now on exhibition iu ~ aI “iuseum of the surgeon | 8 offlc . ‘V 1110 ,e «••““*»<»» oecnvred wavs > 9 or,l s h ? k r ; 11,11 .government confiscatedh . f '"o* 1'oril was pail its jim 1 *‘ aslUli. : hc^iusitors ‘“'jf Bos of since tho nimlmal been used con** of flic ^ TBe brain and heart oflhxith , n ''‘ tUtttcd «• !«»• shtmlmK m a case that n 1 J Wr * v ,lear act “ al ^ ! ’"t «W« s tuafaoD. ,. After the surgeom ; >s «1 done with Booth s body ,t was bimed j ,ml '> «>fravo * do? in the arsenal k grounds. U,,! Only I a f' l** 8 ’® 9 |»Y f?>. which was unmarked. In 1%7 j kdwm ^ h . ackr -. M r j Lalu 'V*™*. » 81 ' u th « k " “slnugton ol 0hrls wijh , ( the i , l " rcl re, , b ■ * q«tost that Urn r.*ma,ns of l»s brother nught md he taken up and removed to the j 1 * v ln,nal Alter some delay, . ! "* r< "l'"' s " as « n i ulcd b .V l’ , ; sident '•■hn.s.m, who was •imlly appealed to, iU,d Mr. Meaver took the body to tho ! •'o^ry elder in Baltimore, and buried it hi¬ Mde 4 he Booth and others of the <a ™ ! v ’ >’oi^'val was conducted * 1 ^ ,oa •eereey and was concealed ! ‘ 10l n >S. cri tary Stanton, who htiJ refused tjno Ins oonsent ~ Bananas as food, Homo years ago I heard a mcsk’ef lady, whe thi - lecturing on ph.siol-, .u',a v great value t,f the lm : s f ,, 1 Hhe said there was as much nourishment in u jxniud of banana as in a pound ,,t h -ef steak. Accustomed as »„ „ r ., in k\.., York to the nuiuer,ms carts o- , a , ls that adorn (?) our streets, and f,v iv U s the fruit is Ix.nght, ,t dees ,,,-t th-.t it is vet recagniz -I :k a f„ -1 1, ■ u .„ \ Wtwceu immls, or else t„-nv-nisa . lll( -| u , 0|ia . t wher-* an ahunb u e ,,, M ,]id and yj* liquid feo 1 ha ,). . , !v p,. . „ uoei! atMlti ,..... t o an article which roe ntlv -p, e ii tho New (Henna , M w them m toe that “o, - j ,n *,!. , l)iulana , t . u);t;I!S m „,„ uu „, t throe , pounds „f meat or m iv ,,, U u,‘l ‘ .n, io »! .-'t ’ . to'*, 1 ' I* ' .. ..... .... in tJji . n . * ir m , ]v wjl , y ,, tied.* r :« lls tll . rh „’ 1I)V "i, , hundred acres „i pen to, .’ ls . that it is the nr •—,vil i.nd'V f,. ’ . in g ,-lasses of lira/. 1 >a \Y thed-tov S'Sr'X.l,ns n'n.-r -Jtif, are r iVi u half a<> ,, „ 1ki j ,. «immr units, • aiaon\\.< , ,, * „ ■ < is {iiouiurf ; ..... on too i-> , , ' • ! whi.l, are ,-i ; ..t, a to t\Y .ty ’ • i.-ng, mul ar * v,i e.r , .1 ( r M , tv . ; , ^.,.,1 v 1 ^ •su-abie t. u th South ii* i.div t vvbifb i» : / Indian Hlrls' H \\*b >tuU. xhe Iadi;iu gitl wllo b< , yWS e(lncat ^ seldom mimics au Indian. She prefers a white man. If she marries an Indian, she will Income a common squaw and his servant. The half-breeds in the aa tion are 1 . ukeu up to. Thev control the 0 tj u . r Imhans, the mulatto controls fail black , th e educated Indian (»nd th. «Pwre hundred* of college graduate* iu the natoou) marries a wliitc, that h.-T children may iw half-hm-ds. It is really rug* puharfehe a fnl l-blp o-led Indian, and th, ^xipnkrity of the pure : Iud»n is grodn-dlv miuig oiHtit ! tiit 1 rao#,— CtiMii/'j * *> , Hiiffensteiu’s Business Rival. “ My cr r-acious, Herman, vat’s de mailder ?” exdaimeil Hoffeustein, a* his clerk rushed into the store with his nose looking like a mashed fig. “ I hat a tight mil Max Horiibersrer, replied the clerk excitedly, “un«l py tain I vants de law.” -• Vat did you fight ah ud, Herman.' inquired Hoffenotean, quietly. de •* Yv LI - 1 nnd f hear Max Homberger any dat last veekves ll aghuatomer.a pmr of pine SiSS he dem for niider und now wire a gra vat. I vent to him und says, ‘Max Horntx-rger, you pet', r had keep your moud avav from oier heoi-le’s Den he sa vs, ‘ I know vat I ‘tatk a’ooud, nnd I 'ill back it up. Dats de kind uf lav oiid I vas.’ Veil, t> n I vasn’t dink iug, lie hit me d.; pack liart uf my ear on. He don't < ould liaf done it if I vas dmkiug, but I vasn’t (linking into deu he hit me some more dimes de nose atei, de tam tief.” “ Vy didn't you vip him, Herman?” sai l Hoffeustein, angrily. “ Veil, I vill vait, Misil -r Hoffeustein, but if it hadn't 1 e-eu for mv madder, he would haf been gone mit debolice.” “Ncf, r mind, Herman, I dink ve can preak all bis shdor,- all up. I vill dell di- guslomers dat M ix Hornberger don’t k, p mtoiug hut second-hand eluding ui -1 small-pox. gets dem from pcop’e vat shut haf he, , 1 ,- De vay d d man vill H.-rmau, vas a shame, you know He dold me vonce veu he vas dalking aboud d<^s, dat before do var lie haf a dog vat sji«:fffe?aErs de dog hit mit again, 2 nnd » lie got a snane gif him more visky. into de dog got so dat he vanted visk.v all de dfitue uud voiild go bunding tie snakes up. Veu de. ilog finds dem he vould stand und hit de snake on de head mit de end uf his ilail uutlil he vas bite. Max Horuherger says the only vay he could keep dot (leg from offering de snakes inducements to bite him vas to cut his dail off. Dink how dat mau vill lie, Herman, und don’t haf noding to do mit him. Max Horn lierger vas not a good yeuuili, und shust vait avhile und I vill make him dink lie don’t got some pisut-ss fooling mit me.” —yeiv Orleans Times. A Persistent (Jimb t Man. “ f should like to sell you a gimlet, ” said a care worn-looking man, as lie walked into an office. “ We have no use for. oue, ” replied the cashier. “ But you should always look into the misty future, ” went on the fiend, demurely. “ Next winter you will want to make holes in your hoot-Utels, so you nm get your skates ou. ” “I us dprluh skates—no straps re : , ,» “You may want to screw some hoards together some time. The old-fashioned mettoto of driving the sere,v to with hammer 2^1 is pi-nii.-ious, as it <d ‘“ e ^ ’ “ Nothing to-day, ■ ir. “ This gimlet also aeia a cork-screw. ” “ I don’t want it. ” “It may be used as a tack-hammer, a cigti r-holii-r, and a toothbrush. ” “ I don’t want it.” “ It has an eraser, A pen, an ink¬ stand, a table for computing compound interest, and » lunch-box attachment. ” “ I can’t help it; don’t; 1 i^pn’t wantit, ” “I know you you’re one of those mean men that won’t buy a gim¬ let unless it has a restaurant and n trip to attached. Europe anil You're all Italian the kind opera company* of a man * 7 tiie -vg>r» ■»* And peddler walked out with his mental plumage on the perpendicular. - V, d Ynrf sVfi • The Habit of Nicknaming. School Among the scholars at Christ Church xvas the son of a VVi poor elertrvniftn **» “« Jennings. He was ot such a dismal and gloomy a nature that he had Ix-eu nick named by his companions Pontius Pilate. One morning he went up to Dr. Bowyer and said, in his usual whiqx-ring man m r, “Please, Dr, Bowyer, the hoys all call me Pontine Pilate.” If there was mu* thing old lhixyyt-T liatea moro than a tnlsd ijuantitv of Greek and Tiatin. it \%as t ie Ini at ot meknammg. Iui' lnng all ] on ^ tUe scholars, from his dental i of state 4 with eane m hand, he ‘* lh ' ' * hiHten. boys : Inc next time 1 hear any of you say Pontius Pilate 1 11 cane you as long as tins o^ne will last Pontius inxf word wheuBowver’aiirohibitionun- 1 luckily flashed upon lm, obtuse mind. After moment’s In, hati m. he blundered out, ‘’suffer, tl und, r Simon Jntmuus; ivo-lwn "''"mi— . M mod ” The rue ppm r, st of ot ine the wo.u was never uttered for Bowyer had already rushed ujkui him, and wlw-u he lutddis - d *‘!. s ’ 1, ' m - 1,e cried: , “What u> vou mean, vou boobv In; .-uch blasphemy ?’’ The simple nine!, ,i youth said : “Ionly <h<l a- you told me. “Did as I told you.' voar.d oid l„nyyi-v .,,,« wound up to something above the boihng yonit. “Mhat do y„u Kean ? “ Ton *ul we were always tocainontmslilate Simon ^uuiugs; a U t h . saw apivhhd the um-nu mde nt to ( . -It who next vQii inure, was I' liirn. The .re at t -1. tlirtt ^riis to be. said naught: but old Bowv^r. who saw \\ tt|t a hrt>I lie had to deal with, 'cried, - mi hat ’■mad'' - ■ ily, perhaps : “ Boy, y„n ar.-a t„,.t 1 where are your braius?” I . or Dr. Ik.v. - t. a aecogd time II -■ d, tor t s . * h-y Mid. w.tlyaa e-.ra ffkich pr--veil u* trail hut to : , Mfensc il. :rr,i tl.. ’.earned poten t: ••>. "In i v >r Miaoh, sir.” Coleridge, .dv quit; *(yto, used to add. when re biting tut- story : “That is ant the only ii .stance I iiave known ‘matter tn umphiug over mind, stov *ch ovei !,ivin, stupid l*iy over Bowyer.” - — : - Tivs passion- for feasting increased so much iu England in the fourteenth een tnry that when Lionel, son of Edward III., was married, there were thirty courses, and the fragments of the table fed 1,W0 people. * Th* avorage life of i lawyer is about five years in Ohio— then they reform au* rwsMve k s«ib« ether Bkatv, The Sfe-ry Teller. “ You remember that fellow who wrote—whatVitu-name ? You know he made some money on one of the Western railroads; I forgot what they call “ WeU, it,” what of him ?” j ! “Why, cot long ago be was in— what’s that town in Wisconsin? You know.” w hat r^;\ did he m do T \* ? he name ol to ™ ’ What the deuoe is the name of that ^ Lluo^ C a, fr thS fellow-” J “ Which fellow ?’’ “I can’t think of bis name. It’s a joke, and I nearly died when I j heard it. He’d come up from that big plantation that in big Louisiana, hanker kept St. by—by: Louis? Who’s iu The man who built a line of steamboats from Keokuk to—to—I'll think of the name in a minute—the town at the mouth of—yon know that river in Arkan sas. Anyway, he’d come up on the— that road that runs at the west hank of the Mississippi from that place opjxisite Cairo. Consolidated with the Cairo and Fulton road. What’s the name of that line?” “Don't know. Kev,-r _ was in that country. What did your man do that was so funny ?” “Why, he’d come up from that plan tat,on on this line to the town in Mis consm, and strack for tlm-tlmt-hotel on the corner of Jefferson and that other strei-t. Kameil alter a I-reue imau Strange I can t remember it. Don t you "nittaw thing about it Go on with your story.” Well, he and perpetrated : “ got there the best pun you ever heard on the land lord’s name. . The landlord got off a pretty good thing ou this man’s name, but I can’t remember what it was. Any how, this man asked the landlord, ‘ why are you like an insurance company’—he named tlx- company but I’ve forgotten what it was: ‘Why an- you like an in surance company ?’ Give it up?” “ Yes, I «*ve it uji.’’ “ Well, sir, the answer is the funniest thing you ever heard. It broke me all up when I heard it.” 44 What is it?” “Why, if I could remember the name of tliti J ami lord X d know iu ft moment, Who’s that fellow that invented the— pshaw 1 that machine for making— what’re they called V You understand, something ikhout stiiir-roils. “ Never heard of him.” “ It’s the atone name except it.”2^K the knit syllable. Ptoliiv I don’t catch Is that allof vour ?” . “ M’liv, yes. You sec, if I re nfemlx-r my man’s name, and tlie insur landlord’s _ ance company, anil the namfl r bus ‘V" right ilst open will, B the the best t,iu *& { 0U .°,y? r f nedto ' f we had a ht to party at our house last aud tb « ‘l^erest thing is that I my° Good wife ^5 there. one on you, wasn’t it? I said to—that fellow I loaned $25 to on your guarantee—what’s his name, fat fellow ? Never puiftityiud tSjlpoiiey I w ish you could let me have ” “Don’t remi-tnbwAhe eireuuistanc((jfe iiauie ; don’t recollect the and didn’t know you had a wife. I’d Iwuril you' would have numbtsfiof a party, but couldn’t re member the your house. I should iiave forgottefi to come if you’d invited ine,ffan<l the bored man depart¬ ed A iu vast dudgeon. proportion of society is made of a vacuum in memorv, and some of | aBi^ wdtj^m portraM > d genius here >”>o. ---- A Tramp aud His Drink. t , t t dttuu-f 1 mteto^m c on uis hh^tothe? clothes, and and “»> » ? tx 'z:n . 'sLSt <«z an q p, nvlo(1 ont iu , t voice loud e nougk to be heard ui Ogden- wiBI ♦ i (;; v ,, me !( soda-water ' cocktail ' the North pole in it ” \ CVOW( ] outside-, thinking free drinks were to be set up, crowded into the sa foou and watched and waited. The man () f rags, who had ordered tho North pole in hia drink, ate up all the lunch j ie could find, chewed up the coffee and cloves, and was tackling the mint, when the bartender quietly lisktxl: . *. What did you say vou want in vour arink, Mr. Gould ?” ‘ Mr. Gould steadied himself a moment, cvowd. and at himself in s '.£ ............. been Ltt around, he got it toll^TTut^StSfl* “T^Kug^S^d jn ’ (i, nl U ]d * took ,°?, it lt- wave _ Ut n a ^vst ‘‘ 11)11 nreliminn ,lmm 5 ' rv imll, , and then a lmmcane , arose. It syynu , a as thoUi?h tha 0l)!H btoed torna I,* t eigLt Au j: astt , nj m . m llad bjoken . immense conglomeration 'Za of ob^rved' . irniv „W piling f Out J the saioln a few K „ mvll , s r and to-,lav, when the Brokefi saloonkeeper reckons up the losses of a auti stained head, cracked mirtor, scratched conct er, mid liability of ^ s „ eil . he wjl , S!u1)v rem c-mber the !rt9t words of the tramp ks hg closed tM ll(X(r . md shot up the Mr, e :.-Salt Lake ‘ tribune* w 1 1 - - . . . e ^ ..e xen. ~ Summer tmd tlie city cam-, streets dry , dust .-. .t:ul noisy, »id the breVs u.ui.- -w,-. mv s eyes ache. So manima t,- l,u,i- i-n-y, who old y -ou-e * .a.- -to, and tuo rosy, iat onc-ycr.v-oh\ buoy and went away in the j«j^ti; v*s to tie- gre-.-n, fresh, cool snnbj|'^>niitry. 1 °n™_ 4 gthe still Grandpa city home, was with left good all • old on a to kee » lixiue for him until the family should como hack in tha fall, M ell, thiee who could go to tlie coun try had just, as much fun as they could jn sh for—sitting out under the trees all the sonny days, and in the barn, when the sun was too Uot fee them to want him to shine on them. One day, great-aunt Hannah was giv ing her nwpftaws aud nieces a .dinner of corn otd :-eaaa, and applee and cream, asd Biee bread aud twitter, and they ail sat a* tha tabla a long time, talking and kwgbiaggpnd enjoying themselvc*. HTMOILS OF THE DAY. Hapless sons of clay are frequently bricks, Whks a man is cremated, does he go to the bum from which no traveler re turns ? \ correspoxdext of the Chicago Inter-Ocean signs herself “Alice Car lysle.” She makes us smvsle. The true wav for a woman to drive a oa a is to aim' the blow square at her b) b ^ shell at leato avoid hit. .toff^er -Esthetic: thumb The anyway. “utterly utter JW. kind of tali has infected the street gamins, one of whom, after picaiug up a more t ™ n usually fragrant cigar stump. ex ohumel to hi* frieud; “Jack, this is quite A XmPToiik toymotively horse bully.’ that attacked and killed rmau is believed to be insane. They’ve the got so used to accounting for killing of men oa the theory that the killer was insane, that next they’ll be a lowing insanity against the engine that runs over a man .—Poston Pont. Papa—“ That picture thows the story of Prometheus and the vulture that fell 0 u his liver. Every dav the vulture de voured it, and every night it grew for him to eaf^gaiu.” dflTold Sviiipithette child_ “ Poor, l.aveTeen vulture. How sick he must of liver everv dav ” Whq ever saw a farmer '» the FhiUtitl llla T in deep conviction, ^ ,q stonpiu the f Aon . to ask a lif wert , worth th( iiving? -. Bnt m tho Piuiadeljdna Times ever see a farmer wh( .„ the low kaU stopped hlB1 am , he Hilfe ^ 0 LH 18 . a “ 7 t oaIi .*® et o j*d} fo “ r itt mcl Keokuk, ) es ‘f’ *»» she is engaged to l be mamed. The ' v !° ' v “ u dld 11 lu these words: 11 ^ b ' aul ? m v soul a S 1<,w I d - ," f d j™ 'f rc ‘ 11 " ’ “ :l “ but little , hexelituow, but wants that lit. 'to—long. Huff a to p, press. First Young ^ Laby—“I like them both, but I’ve made up my miml to marry Tom.” Seeoud Yonxg Lady— “ Why, Minnie, Charlie is ever so much liaudsomer.” First Young Lady—“ Yes, I know it; hut Tom’s iu the hairpin business, and father says^there’s big margin in hairpins.”— Boston Courier. I doted, Pm freeto eonfess, on her hair, l Wijupered the ieiuterest words lu tier ear. i h , n , wt rong r wiud uprose, and she bluslicl rosy. xSSB— t , Mli Fordfeclotuu ff, it by the shimmering htrndtm Pune seas. — ft. ”An> a png TM this lawyer, not long ago : ...J 1 ',, 1 0 week.” “Hi ow?” “ e 1 ’ 1 , , „ , lor . a case > >* n d , I T , hor , v'j* l ie ls , no1 todth® l>119 ' J° ld „ Henri . Muger, thak*tot.-il ^^^^Ttell l aristan Z * ” he reto> “but OOah^s’^-\Ym to l ean atleost 10 ’ * mZ Bc^md turning fA market with a baske of spare ribs for his Sunday dinner, was horrified at seeing four or five of his chjjdren toan iug half way over the seoo ry win dow. “-Shildren,” exclai lie ex cited parent, “go vay from dot vindow. Ven you all falls out and preaks your necks, den you vill say rt vas uot yea vot done it. Go pack I dells you. — Texas Siftings. HUMOUS OF THE 1 UY. betaxed-Wnao sssistnsu _ they tor -«* are ram 1 ■ ■ Ihebe Jiofc places tins .. are many in Bh °' M g ° toS,vite3r ' lx TAKES at “ ook 1 “ lll >< 1 ™ , g s H P Brown. —Syracuse Standard. True, but the ,b, r ,*,. 1 iiE^mentists have taught that insect t ““W , theur affeottous, aad now someone knows a mosquito that wax maslied on a young lady, Professor Harris says “there is a coming of the macrocosm into the mic rocosm.” Time for some people to take h> the woods when this-happens.—i^/OM Olqbc, Everybody knows that carls are inani mate, vet who has not seen a cart follow a horse? Spavin thinks it is because they are attae-Jred toeaeh other.— J'Jtila delphia Sim. If you grasp a rattlesnake firmly about the neck, he can not hurt you, ri r;-. from rif. Louis. But in spite of this a !*^elephantiue hoof protrudes su -- , - su rut- fe y* 8 * Segtos bridge ttiat c ets to in the mo way .—LomrciHe ( ourur-Journol. Itb i getting ... to , he , a common street , . ® csue 1,1 - N, l' v to see a woman with f ! ur * lar lu ier 8 fa 81> * ° ^ policeman. The r burglars . . there . aiv g -t- t tiu « 80 bold f ud diU il, S ?Mhat th f Me excusable for , keeping out oi the ',?>'■ -They might get hurt.-J Sornstoun J1,r '' ‘ Come now Charlie, , be candid ... and , teU , ^hat the people here, t unic of \ ‘f 11 1 ie trutll ~, “ ° n - bother l r " th ’ that isut what I am ajfcer. ieT , me something that will make Dae feel go,»Y.’* —Boston Transcript. * ‘ It’s sot winter or summer, ” snappish you are, drunken sri jq .j le wife to her husband. “ And it’s replied', scolcl vou are, snm mer or winter,” he with a ma „ ri n. “And it’s school cm,ugh ^ me a u t }p s time,” thought the little daughter, who was wishing for lioli * Smart , Editor, “An old and experienced sditor of a Cincinnati religious paper,” indignant at the other idle passengers who would not help the conductor and driver post the street csr across a deep hole in the road wav. arose and, though still inside, put his' bands and shoulders to the door easing and pushed and fumed aud poshed, thinking he did the m<jet of the job of getting it across the chasm. The editor of a religious newspaper cannot know everything. That keeps even tha editor ef the daily gaper pretty busy.