Georgia Historic Newspapers

    Of B VOL \b FOLKS.
I >np|>u«e Wilk If I.UUr Hoy
& 1 Mm * Srtr »/!• IIi 1'ixanirr.ff
lfi mb iallftil jut *»r d. Ui* toooo. it •*..«
4jm! I o» ifht a kMMi < Mid my »uig ( A
tin I J dy into • h .rr.bt« miff,
Idlsr **i) > >An+!‘*>n» lac****'.
Or m Io->k,
U ftti UUui l Ju*t ove r tb« mooli!
ff f m nft liiUedMih sd Vuir iiTt? <?*>
4 iel ft j rout ing W dl .,4 ili
gW\ t, ] mid* uu'ter * pat!,
t’d D.GD.it e »b>l grtiUiMt: tod nimbi* ml rill,
At d I d »rar! ’ jlr»> »sh*rk
Or • *f turk.
A* I |/r«i(Td a •r l u Ui<- 'lark:
(Iu* if f a !«•«” imv cb of a
I »< il try t'» I* f iitfli i uttly <
Aji..' ti l alt ’ tip itriBifni of hy
To th* If fntiftg t fl Vcch a yry tinr*i loy—
I » I •r I vb ,uM.
l s/ I
f » g • «j:
*»| % | ittlf V Ajf* in ft MiisUi’l.
His little to & bf«kd, .itHl tl t0
b Ijuiig fM*ciir**ly on Trottv’k arm.
N-»t aii hour ln*{orf Aunt Tjou
f< Himl lbiflf, t!io white bantam’*,
**i^*J.t*i” away in the ouwaugetit i»ia«
tu norl h
.Site loft twoof the iggw for the “n^t,’
*nd gavr Trotty thf* r> *»♦ to furry bouie.
Tln-rf's a holo in the banket, an<j niiml.
I Imvf |»ut a jmpfr over it, if
HI ’ fan fill not t<* t that out «»f
tb« egten will go all right, f think.”
Trolly nai l, “ Ok, I'll lie careful,”
but that wan the la«t h!i« tlioiight of the
bole in the banket for some tune. Tlxia
hi what ahf* did think.
“Oh, ain’t I I enme over to Aunt
I/<m’K titin morning ! There’ll la* junt
Oil* chicken apiece au<i two for the
baby. I hope oue’II he white, ami one
brown, and one blue, and one black, ami
Hie baby’* two apeekled. Susie may
bave thr black one in place of her kitten
that got drowiid/’d. The blue one’ll
bare to l>e May’s, I m’|k>w% ’<*au»e Aunt
f*wi nay* blue units her bent. Tom can
take the brown one, ami the wliib^ on© I
guf*H Hi have, ami 1 hope it’ll be a
r«*>ster, tin y look so cute crowing,
*Sf»ocmlly white ones. The HjM*ckle<l
oti< , * , ll V»e nuM^at for baby. lie likes
thingD mixed up. I musn’t forget to
tell Knit* to watch him. He’ll wring
their head* off ami ninff ’«*m in his
month, art he tried to Toin’a duck,
Chiekftirt what’s got feathers on ain’t
good food, any wav tlieir heads ai n’t ”
Trotty didn't tliirt. loiter along going as d..~
thought all Sin* was an
str basket tight home aa hIu* could go, with the
on lift' arm.
V I wonder how long it takes to hatch
)d>r tJmughUiau on; “wouldn’t
it b«’ funny if th»*y should lie all hatched
out when 1 get letrue? I'll just peek in
ami Tiotty nee it they’re the basket pipped down, yet,” lifted the
put
< <»ver only a little way, hatched” ho that it the
chick should la* 14 dnar they
e<nl!dn*t get out, and looked in. What
HlW* HUH was a large hole in the bottom
«»1 lli« 1 m vk< t mid! a of jmiH*r 111 <>11©
tiHiviutr, nothing nnn<*.
“Oh, i’tc 1 o'»h«mI ’em every one. It I
only < >uM have saved jUrtt the two
M»**ekh*<l ova* forbabv !’*
lr.il> was Kitting „ <»„ tin* „ ground , with
,! ' ” d '"‘ r la >’> ,!r v, [ l 8> *>
.
' td ,| * 81 iV \ ,'V d ‘V“ }’‘K V r .'‘
. - hol.l y , lllsd«t carefully in ■ bis
J j aospuelt . . <*l i w net.’ ask-d , . the . QMtt.
vludu l..;Uy .aiow by Ins voice was
1 ,......•*«Tiotty. - *,T .. «fhml , sii ■
' 1 I ve loosed them all
V '"V V‘ l " M " rk ’
as he ha.kcd <1,to , hm hat
V ,v ;,1 hatched yet, hut they
«.,« going to he.
tlmi s il ■•* it > said Uncle Mark,
h#-.o*.p,*, down h. put stMueltiing
■t 1 **’ it|s ' 1 k ' *• “ "rtl.
■l-o.sv toot, into yonr.hasKet, th, , a, aud
,g.ui:t your ctucliens,
Hinv enough, th«re were the six eggs
»iJ fate jiml sound.
You nee 'I'rojty was nneh it very little
ttiul OAri iml tin? Imnket; so near the
l^roriml thw^ thm iuol tallcui out 011 tlio
t iviiss. one hv one, without tweaking
o .singiu .shelL ~-YnutU'r. ('wii)Minton,
^tUlhitiff \\ lisps.
’ id a rtiile tho other da v, ho
f*?» v onr p epic wanted to gel cv n
will, t iiiopleot (be ii-\t (own, who
h 1,1s . -'uv,ad missionary with a
alto ■ l"t "I i, lot* the week !,, for-. The
too!irve w a* all ulsnit wasp* and he ties
ao.l «ueh. aod the lecturer had a m uie
uviiKffn mui a nnciMs,«>), -, anu every
a, :nv tint was adapted to improve and
-lie , -t hit mu-d as our minister
na; t wh-u oe .iitiodn-c.l him. 1 believe
?b. ,.*<• lm> ) w. s a wo ... o, b.nl umn, w ho
cam ■ to ear ,,la ■ to get me into tr-mblc.
*” >l wh > W«U:.eth„ low.,.Study
W , n. and led us „. w to ct «*;«
m- us wit lamt getting atnug? W
i-owir-ip ),-.,ple tnoughl U was all
>;...ut, to.wvver, and Mr. I ravers said to
■ hi.uoi to what the gentleman mind
, a ilium, and improve your
*, Ili wanna. -
\\\* 11 , 1 ,1 O, gld 1 would do as I was
.ns ■ d 'V bis P.....•* „ as . w nest I under Bv.ew of the ahemond- caves of
our lau u. 1 pot a ladder aud lantern
«h M-.-V nigh, aftei the 1 , ctmv. ami
i di .s, dv wasps. The lecturer
S,n.f that, the WU.V to downs to wait till
lb, « ■ ps ;ot.lHxl, Mid then to enep
up to the:, nest With« pave of thin 1 a
pm all i \ -dwith Wet mueiUse, and
to v? ii. it.:, t over t!,c do.-rof the nest,
t)t 1-, iivd * Id* u can't out when
; t’\ u 1’ ) n * ill thf UK iciU,;. :\I d V*>U
ho Ut'st a,iu! bang it up in your
....... mil alt r(wi. or tor,-.-,has. When
(he nest ami let the wasp* '
a tiU’tn u:ta , ifcwwivu , y „ j mi
i {
VH S HO tar.u axui cvattiut . tlint
, nr think ot stinguiq von. and
qudv them all lav ions and
UmUU lots Al| U> Sul {a*SS<» 12 s. ><>w is it
fUto itoK* h it iv.ir tvui n\HkI man would
u • • , -v t., civ such uouschm- as
Wits? It’s tay hi !i, t that the h-eturev
was lav,s', uv souk Uaxiv to com© a.ul ou
oi . • iu*ys x got thoms-oivos
l xv;i,- ,t\ >)•:, ] > >| ft l.ultl jr ami ft
la , mid a pfcee <d wip* ivu-n-d
tvii nvuoilu a-nl 1.dark T olimlxxl
lb, d.vjr ■ u mid sp•’ st, :U 1 stopped up
then brought the nest
[ was going to caxm
' i- my, .-m.lv.' just then motn«f
died - so I put the nest under tl”
’ < : , - earn,. . ami went into
’ - , wh, re r was put to be,l for
. tali, - th lantern out to thelwrn;
*i:d tl m*xt t: ruing " I forgot all «Kmt
* vest
l tor;-, it become I was Ulnh-it to
OU ft picnic with Mr. Trav, is and
t»M SvU 1 ftUvt u \x ladle lot ol VXVlm 1 . ;\a«i
anv fellow would have forget it if he
B=A-^tt.tVS wa * il * *?‘, S witb 25
Jr. .lor,,*, to «e» ansMter, and 1 , an
sass&.'SrfJS vi»ion« crowded into the 52 .JS be- 2
wa* carnage
p^'w-n fv^n’iKxlvK
We hadn't gone momamile when Mr.
Travers I’ve em-s out awful : “ My pin good gracious !
Sue, nm au into rnj leg.
Why can’t you girii, be more careful
about pins?” Sue replied that she
hadn’t any pm» w here they could run
into anybody, and was going to sav
something killed, more when and hik screamed as
if she down was liegan to jump uji
and and shake herself. Just then
Dr. Jones jumped alsmt two feet straight
in to (he air, and said, “ Oh my !” and
Miss Travers took to screaming “ Fire 1
murder! help!” and slapping herself
111 a way that was quite awful, I liegan
to think tliev were all gone crar.v, when
all of a sudden I remembered the wasps’
the wasps had got out of the
nest, and were exploring all over the
carriage. The driver stopped the horses
to see what was the matter, and turned
pale with fright when he saw Dr. Jones
catch th. basket of provisions and throw
it out of Hie carriage, and then jurn 11
straight into it. Then Mr. Travers and
his aunt and Hue all came living out to
get her, and were all mixed up with Dr.
Jones aad the provisions on the side of
the road. They didn’t stop long, how
ever, ha the wasps were looking for
theui; BO they got up and rushed for
the river, and went into it as if they
were going to drown jiieiuselves—only
it wasn’t more than two feet deep.
George—he’s the driver—was begin
ningtoask, that’s “ lathis yersom.swimmin’
match goin’on?” when a wasp hit
hun on the neck, and another hit me on
the oheek. We left that carriage ir a
tmrry, and 1 never stopp , <t till 1 gut to
my room, and rolled myself up iu the
bed clothes. All the wasps followed me,
so that Mr. Travers and Hue and thereat
'f them were left in peace, and mitrbt
have gone to the picnic, only they felt
as beside, if they must go lmme for arnica, and,
the horses had run away, though
break they were caught uftci waid, and didn’t
This anything.
was all because that lecturer ad
vised me to study wasps. I follnwisl
Ins direct,ons, and it wasn’t my fault
tlmt the wasps hoganto study Mr. Trav
ers and ins uunt, ami Sue ana Dr. .Tones,
and me and George, But father, wlicu
he was told about it said that my “con
duct was such and the only thing that
saved me was that my egs wore slung
^ wit'.',
a sw itch .—Jinirny Ilrown. in Harper’*
i ou.uu Pcovtc. - s
Beecher** Money ‘the
One of the mysteries of age is
what Henry Ward Beecher has done
with lus money. At one time he was ,n
rei-eipt of if‘Ji),()00 from bisohurrfi, $10,
0 , x) * 20,000 from
|,is lecturing and $10,1100 from marriage
ft es, ’ literary ,4 works and his books, mak
iug If ccliii'iHiver n t<) ,, leal $,«, ooi) a year. Yet
any money to spare.
] Hls household was mo lest, not exp. n
, ixc . hitt wif „ W11H ar , M ,tlv not ex
ijDowm travagimt; chorit^andyethewasalways be gave m-tliing' that was
to
llnf „.,.„ 1 ,i„u . \Vnca lie wanted to help
Tilton he gave a mortgage upon his
ho-sc, mid now he has sold his house,
f ml d( U re and Imiidiims and gone to live
with; married son. Ke told me he .lid
Uu „ ti „* young l.irds had all
grown un and llown out of the nest and
vet it was a marvel that in his old age he
( .„mfertsh,e home upon
(j „. Heights r,uartcrs of Broriklvn a’boanlov. and go into
u(ir(w as He
spoke with a Mgh and very evident re
gret at the breaking up of his old house.
This was strange, hut the unfinished
stow in regard to his farmer, Thomas
Turner, at Voek-skill, is still more
st, at, ge. When Turner died Mr.
Be clu-r Uthk charge of his pap,* b, and
burn* .1« large numher of them, among
which, it is alleged, w re a number of
prom;-tory ii„-k, notes. Thu whole thing lias
a queer aud the quwtlou which
agitates newspapermen is where has all
the money he has made in the last cent
no, ameiuitttig to millions, gone to?
1\ rlmj.s fellow it is otic of these my»leri«K ttml
no n.n llinl out, hut the curiosity
; „f find the out natural man undiscovered will prompt channel him to
; tin,
thumgh wlti.di it flows. —Pkikuh >[,h,a
/,*, v „rd.
-
* 111 *
HarJitt says tliftt. fh.rn tltol^ tuning . .
of the wo rl, to the time of ltoirix-.es
. m the , a, y t hnstiaii days, mankind had
|x;r,x*lva at. only atanil twvu >-ol.e
, >•«.«*». lung mnuly twefily^» ->.« y.ai* t-i-e
" Id had only theae sayings
to lan ;b at. A new; loke was m toe on
he average every’JA» Iron, tin
time ot Ueitoe.ea to tliF pre,un t d <y
, <he uutnher ol j-k-us,- .savings h;m m
’ civa*, d from twenty-,me u. pretty nern
lv tlLOOO.mt. an -UiWaiu. proi«ortum
ot this vast aggregate, however, consist
i g ,;t some luodmoatiou or ci.mh, nation
good ot the original .-dole twenty-one. kind immortality V really
an ha* a ot
oi its own. Ills reproduced in ev ry
known dime and tongue. It w pub
iished m a uermau paper as a pnrtot the
im«rtophy of B.smarck; then with trmnJuhxl
t»to r.nghsh. and com, eetea lhs
rao.i audUhen repriKlueed iu America
»vua attrumted to some of our owu grout '
Btate^aueu. k ... W , have r»\ul , stones . about
i*
Air. Moody , which . - . undated wrfix tho
pnetohood in the .me ot the C msaaet*
md ©ouiti of tut? HUxtflH’St tilings winob
Sui'itjv Sinvtii i > ; ■. to have
criated, hut whe-Uie pnihy K Ixjtrrowevl
iroju tt,- third in' fo «©utur\% mo
toM.iu Mr.
or Mr. licfvlu^r. Rwwvvfr, wo laugh
it all the * VnSv. 1 tli far»t that u has
Ih i'U ivp^d during tiit 1 host eightetui
or iw idr gt uei ifikHi-s botsu't hurt it
any more Ui,u© ( DdH» .»tlddl, -string to
YTwl 1 ' ’’ *?***' W>B ' W 4 4 *“ d
1 lH ' ,n iuit.c| m winch ( onnectiout .
eouiisaml juiW »» rujBMnvsprovoked
’’ nl * '*m wom every wt.ne ui .oe Umon.
A „uu> who coiamits nmi ler n» that
torYa iurv 1 * wiintoicvc if 4 * 11 ' * 1
A 11 \utfori) i-ih$,-r savs tlmt shlffev.
shark is k.xhI eating._A* raw sailor is
tin* usual stuffing naiad in -Jiarks, the
nr -oritr of the |x-oplc will perhaps
rcyxnl the ConuectlSirt ivlihrrs taste with
’ marked degmt of avlciirawou.
any
Brethor Gardner on Smypathj.
^jtsaas&sat
'rs
<!erer am sentenced to be bung ^, a she r
, a .j,. IJfc ,, gin to au - urtle ^
< \ on ; *V r - ftrgittin «fe wid.ler an
chill**n 1 ox , victim, w hat uo you call
flat? Grant bad two terms, a big salary
an’ a good show, an’ while 10 ,lf(ioorfm^
in America wanted bread * public sync
patliy” raised a quarter of a million of
dollars fur a rnau already rollin’ m
wealth ? What do you call tintJy .4
gineral who neber won a 1cattle am pee
seated wid 82,000 worf of silver-war
frew public sympathy, while 20,000 pri
vate sojers, maimed and wounded fur
life, have to tight de hull kentry fur
a paltry penshun ? What do you call
<lat ? A gixsl husband an’ a kind father
am killed eliery hour in de day in dn,
kentry, an’ a man would have a hard
dav’s work to collect a fund of two dol
h,rs to help bury him. If Vanderbilt or
G,mld "Tu TllVu * Tl!'} V testimonial of
a ” ,lll yon d<,1 ' are ’ V * weBt J ho ““* h “*
-
P 00 ' ff “ "f, 8 ™ aii **' 1 d £ >
“P *" **» ra 'f •
!ar « e n 'f l°f de ,y ' lknH - V ”
<ust h, f nh Kd at a mu r der - “ . de “
t UU “ , W **P , M;r de murderer
’ 1 n ‘ ar V ‘ ,
* . 8 He n me “ U> 1 “ to P™“» . h ? m > an
d,: l® . . 1 * 8 “ S, K 11 a
lf t,sl,, ! n to F *?***-. } Vt; D ' ake °««
dav a ” h> upset ’em de .ex. De
'j 13 " who a b'r-at cnme to
d, 'T “'V'"! °
Arter slcepm ' on it night call him
one we
a aii “ II excuses for him. I ub
lie sympathy has abolished the gallus’
au ’ yet it will suffer woman and children
to starve an’ freeze to death. Men rob
our hanks Ml ’ sm pursued, not to be
punished, but to Is* given a oommision
<"> deir stealings. Public hilled sympathy, but- as
I see it, am a sort o’ jar wid
termilk, lames, hash, buttons, scrap
iron, beer-slops an’ wilted bouquets. I
doan’ want any of it. If Ibreakdelaw
I wid want misfortune de penalty I enforced. borry If T meet
wnnt to instead
of ls*g. If I die I want no eulogies on
my varchues or criticisms on my failing,’’
— -F,ce Press.
Booth’s Body.
, The Washington aorrespondent of the
Buffalo Cmnvurolal writes : “ltivns
; onlv after some patient inquiry that I
| co,xld ascertain the facts, which arc in
torest i„ s ami, ns far as I know, are yet
unpublished. Booth, the murderer of
Abraham Lincoln, died as will ho re
mom l„. re d, in a barn in Maryland, from
a ' d toimthc musket of
Boston Corbett. The laxly was brought
identified to Washington, and, after having been
I by the court martial before
which his fellow conspirators were tried,
" as d, ^ ted » b « .*»«’K#fegeneral of
’ •™Jl J h ° h ™ 11 ' u,ld heart aud
' ml< , ‘ ,irk " thu lK,d y wer,! P, r< .; fi ? rv ’. d
J? aleolgH and , *
] are now on exhibition iu
~ aI “iuseum of the surgeon
| 8 offlc . ‘V 1110
,e «••““*»<»» oecnvred wavs > 9 or,l s
h ? k r ; 11,11 .government confiscatedh .
f '"o* 1'oril was pail its jim
1 *‘ aslUli.
: hc^iusitors ‘“'jf Bos of since tho nimlmal been used con** of flic
^ TBe brain and heart oflhxith
, n ''‘ tUtttcd «• !«»• shtmlmK m a case that n
1 J Wr * v ,lear act “ al ^
! ’"t «W« s tuafaoD. ,. After the surgeom
; >s «1 done with Booth s body ,t was bimed
j ,ml '> «>fravo * do? in the arsenal k grounds. U,,! Only
I a f' l** 8 ’® 9 |»Y
f?>. which was unmarked. In 1%7
j kdwm ^ h . ackr -. M r
j Lalu 'V*™*. » 81 ' u th « k " “slnugton ol 0hrls wijh , ( the i , l " rcl re, , b
■ *
q«tost that Urn r.*ma,ns of l»s brother
nught md he taken up and removed to the
j 1 * v ln,nal Alter some delay,
.
! "* r< "l'"' s " as « n i ulcd b .V l’ , ; sident
'•■hn.s.m, who was •imlly appealed to,
iU,d Mr. Meaver took the body to tho
! •'o^ry elder in Baltimore, and buried it hi¬
Mde 4 he Booth and others of the
<a ™ ! v ’ >’oi^'val was conducted
*
1 ^ ,oa •eereey and was concealed
! ‘ 10l n >S. cri tary Stanton, who htiJ refused
tjno Ins oonsent
~
Bananas as food,
Homo years ago I heard a mcsk’ef lady, whe thi -
lecturing on ph.siol-, .u',a v
great value t,f the lm : s f ,, 1 Hhe
said there was as much nourishment in u
jxniud of banana as in a pound ,,t h -ef
steak. Accustomed as »„ „ r ., in k\..,
York to the nuiuer,ms carts o- , a , ls
that adorn (?) our streets, and f,v iv U s
the fruit is Ix.nght, ,t dees ,,,-t
th-.t it is vet recagniz -I :k a f„ -1 1, ■
u .„ \ Wtwceu immls, or else t„-nv-nisa
. lll( -| u , 0|ia . t wher-* an ahunb u e
,,, M ,]id and yj* liquid feo 1 ha ,). . , !v p,. .
„ uoei! atMlti ,.....
t o an article which roe ntlv -p, e ii
tho New (Henna ,
M w them m toe that “o, - j ,n *,!. ,
l)iulana , t . u);t;I!S m „,„ uu „, t
throe , pounds „f meat or m iv ,,, U u,‘l
‘ .n, io
»! .-'t ’ . to'*, 1 ' I* '
.. ..... .... in tJji . n .
* ir
m , ]v wjl , y ,, tied.* r :«
lls tll . rh „’ 1I)V "i, ,
hundred acres „i pen to, .’ ls .
that it is the nr •—,vil i.nd'V f,. ’ .
in g ,-lasses of lira/. 1 >a \Y
thed-tov S'Sr'X.l,ns n'n.-r -Jtif,
are r iVi u half
a<> ,, „ 1ki j ,. «immr
units, •
aiaon\\.< , ,, * „ ■ < is
{iiouiurf ; ..... on too i-> , , ' • !
whi.l, are ,-i ; ..t, a to t\Y .ty ’ •
i.-ng, mul ar * v,i e.r ,
.1 ( r M , tv . ; ,
^.,.,1 v 1
^ •su-abie t. u
th South ii* i.div t
vvbifb i» :
/
Indian Hlrls' H \\*b >tuU.
xhe Iadi;iu gitl wllo b< , yWS e(lncat ^
seldom mimics au Indian. She prefers a
white man. If she marries an Indian,
she will Income a common squaw and
his servant. The half-breeds in the aa
tion are 1 . ukeu up to. Thev control the
0 tj u . r Imhans, the mulatto controls
fail black , th e educated Indian
(»nd th. «Pwre hundred* of college
graduate* iu the natoou) marries a wliitc,
that h.-T children may iw half-hm-ds.
It is really rug* puharfehe a fnl l-blp o-led
Indian, and th, ^xipnkrity of the pure :
Iud»n is grodn-dlv miuig oiHtit ! tiit 1
rao#,— CtiMii/'j * *> ,
Hiiffensteiu’s Business Rival.
“ My cr r-acious, Herman, vat’s de
mailder ?” exdaimeil Hoffeustein, a* his
clerk rushed into the store with his nose
looking like a mashed fig.
“ I hat a tight mil Max Horiibersrer,
replied the clerk excitedly, “un«l py
tain I vants de law.”
-• Vat did you fight ah ud, Herman.'
inquired Hoffenotean, quietly. de
•* Yv LI - 1
nnd f hear Max Homberger any dat last
veekves ll aghuatomer.a pmr of pine
SiSS he dem for
niider und now wire a gra
vat. I vent to him und says, ‘Max
Horntx-rger, you pet', r had keep your
moud avav from oier heoi-le’s
Den he sa vs, ‘ I know vat I ‘tatk a’ooud,
nnd I 'ill back it up. Dats de kind uf
lav oiid I vas.’ Veil, t> n I vasn’t dink
iug, lie hit me d.; pack liart uf my ear
on. He don't < ould liaf done it if I vas
dmkiug, but I vasn’t (linking into deu
he hit me some more dimes de nose atei,
de tam tief.”
“ Vy didn't you vip him, Herman?”
sai l Hoffeustein, angrily.
“ Veil, I vill vait, Misil -r Hoffeustein,
but if it hadn't 1 e-eu for mv madder, he
would haf been gone mit debolice.”
“Ncf, r mind, Herman, I dink ve can
preak all bis shdor,- all up. I vill dell
di- guslomers dat M ix Hornberger don’t
k, p mtoiug hut second-hand eluding
ui -1 small-pox. gets dem from pcop’e vat shut haf he,
, 1 ,- De vay d d man vill
H.-rmau, vas a shame, you know He
dold me vonce veu he vas dalking aboud
d<^s, dat before do var lie haf a dog vat
sji«:fffe?aErs de dog hit mit again, 2 nnd » lie
got a snane
gif him more visky. into de dog got so
dat he vanted visk.v all de dfitue uud
voiild go bunding tie snakes up. Veu
de. ilog finds dem he vould stand und hit
de snake on de head mit de end uf his
ilail uutlil he vas bite. Max Horuherger
says the only vay he could keep dot (leg
from offering de snakes inducements to
bite him vas to cut his dail off. Dink
how dat mau vill lie, Herman, und don’t
haf noding to do mit him. Max Horn
lierger vas not a good yeuuili, und shust
vait avhile und I vill make him dink lie
don’t got some pisut-ss fooling mit me.”
—yeiv Orleans Times.
A Persistent (Jimb t Man.
“ f should like to sell you a gimlet, ”
said a care worn-looking man, as lie
walked into an office.
“ We have no use for. oue, ” replied
the cashier.
“ But you should always look into
the misty future, ” went on the fiend,
demurely. “ Next winter you will
want to make holes in your hoot-Utels,
so you nm get your skates ou. ”
“I us dprluh skates—no straps re
: , ,»
“You may want to screw some hoards
together some time. The old-fashioned
mettoto of driving the sere,v to with
hammer 2^1 is pi-nii.-ious, as it
<d ‘“ e ^ ’
“ Nothing to-day, ■ ir.
“ This gimlet also aeia a cork-screw. ”
“ I don’t want it. ”
“It may be used as a tack-hammer, a
cigti r-holii-r, and a toothbrush. ”
“ I don’t want it.”
“ It has an eraser, A pen, an ink¬
stand, a table for computing compound
interest, and » lunch-box attachment. ”
“ I can’t help it; don’t; 1 i^pn’t wantit, ”
“I know you you’re one of
those mean men that won’t buy a gim¬
let unless it has a restaurant and n trip
to attached. Europe anil You're all Italian the kind opera company*
of a man
* 7 tiie -vg>r» ■»*
And peddler walked out with his
mental plumage on the perpendicular.
- V, d Ynrf sVfi •
The Habit of Nicknaming.
School Among the scholars at Christ Church
xvas the son of a VVi poor elertrvniftn
**» “«
Jennings. He was ot such a dismal and
gloomy a nature that he had Ix-eu nick
named by his companions Pontius Pilate.
One morning he went up to Dr. Bowyer
and said, in his usual whiqx-ring man
m r, “Please, Dr, Bowyer, the hoys all
call me Pontine Pilate.” If there was
mu* thing old lhixyyt-T liatea moro than a
tnlsd ijuantitv of Greek and Tiatin. it
\%as t ie Ini at ot meknammg. Iui' lnng
all ] on ^ tUe scholars, from his
dental i of state 4 with eane m hand, he
‘* lh ' ' * hiHten. boys : Inc next time 1
hear any of you say Pontius Pilate 1 11
cane you as long as tins o^ne will last
Pontius
inxf word wheuBowver’aiirohibitionun- 1
luckily flashed upon lm, obtuse mind.
After moment’s In, hati m. he blundered
out, ‘’suffer, tl und, r Simon Jntmuus; ivo-lwn
"''"mi— . M mod ” The rue ppm r, st of ot ine the wo.u was
never uttered for Bowyer had already
rushed ujkui him, and wlw-u he lutddis
- d *‘!. s ’ 1, ' m - 1,e
cried: , “What u> vou mean, vou boobv
In; .-uch blasphemy ?’’ The simple
nine!, ,i youth said : “Ionly <h<l a- you
told me. “Did as I told you.' voar.d
oid l„nyyi-v .,,,« wound up to something
above the boihng yonit. “Mhat do
y„u Kean ? “ Ton *ul we were always
tocainontmslilate Simon ^uuiugs;
a U t h . saw apivhhd the um-nu
mde nt to ( . -It who next
vQii inure, was
I' liirn. The .re at t -1. tlirtt ^riis to be.
said naught: but old Bowv^r. who saw
\\ tt|t a hrt>I lie had to deal with, 'cried,
- mi hat ’■mad'' - ■ ily, perhaps : “ Boy,
y„n ar.-a t„,.t 1 where are your braius?”
I . or Dr. Ik.v. - t. a aecogd time
II -■ d, tor t s . * h-y Mid. w.tlyaa e-.ra
ffkich pr--veil u* trail hut to
: , Mfensc il. :rr,i tl.. ’.earned poten
t: ••>. "In i v >r Miaoh, sir.” Coleridge,
.dv quit; *(yto, used to add. when re
biting tut- story : “That is ant the only
ii .stance I iiave known ‘matter tn
umphiug over mind, stov *ch ovei !,ivin,
stupid l*iy over Bowyer.”
- — : -
Tivs passion- for feasting increased so
much iu England in the fourteenth een
tnry that when Lionel, son of Edward
III., was married, there were thirty
courses, and the fragments of the table
fed 1,W0 people. *
Th* avorage life of i lawyer is about
five years in Ohio— then they reform
au* rwsMve k s«ib« ether Bkatv,
The Sfe-ry Teller.
“ You remember that fellow who
wrote—whatVitu-name ? You know he
made some money on one of the
Western railroads; I forgot what they
call “ WeU, it,” what of him ?” j !
“Why, cot long ago be was in—
what’s that town in Wisconsin? You
know.”
w hat r^;\ did he m do T \* ? he name ol to ™ ’
What the deuoe is the name of that
^ Lluo^ C a, fr thS
fellow-” J
“ Which fellow ?’’
“I can’t think of bis name. It’s a
joke, and I nearly died when I j
heard it. He’d come up from that big
plantation that in big Louisiana, hanker kept St. by—by: Louis?
Who’s iu
The man who built a line of steamboats
from Keokuk to—to—I'll think of the
name in a minute—the town at the
mouth of—yon know that river in Arkan
sas. Anyway, he’d come up on the—
that road that runs at the west hank of
the Mississippi from that place opjxisite
Cairo. Consolidated with the Cairo and
Fulton road. What’s the name of that
line?”
“Don't know. Kev,-r _ was in that
country. What did your man do that
was so funny ?”
“Why, he’d come up from that plan
tat,on on this line to the town in Mis
consm, and strack for tlm-tlmt-hotel
on the corner of Jefferson and that other
strei-t. Kameil alter a I-reue imau
Strange I can t remember it. Don t you
"nittaw
thing about it Go on with your
story.” Well, he and perpetrated :
“ got there
the best pun you ever heard on the land
lord’s name. . The landlord got off a
pretty good thing ou this man’s name,
but I can’t remember what it was. Any
how, this man asked the landlord, ‘ why
are you like an insurance company’—he
named tlx- company but I’ve forgotten
what it was: ‘Why an- you like an in
surance company ?’ Give it up?”
“ Yes, I «*ve it uji.’’
“ Well, sir, the answer is the funniest
thing you ever heard. It broke me all
up when I heard it.”
44 What is it?”
“Why, if I could remember the name
of tliti J ami lord X d know iu ft moment,
Who’s that fellow that invented the—
pshaw 1 that machine for making—
what’re they called V You understand,
something ikhout stiiir-roils.
“ Never heard of him.”
“ It’s the atone name except it.”2^K the knit
syllable. Ptoliiv I don’t catch
Is that allof vour ?”
. “ M’liv, yes. You sec, if I re
nfemlx-r my man’s name, and tlie insur
landlord’s _
ance company, anil the namfl r
bus ‘V" right ilst open will, B the the best
t,iu *& { 0U .°,y? r f nedto ' f
we had a ht to party at our house last
aud tb « ‘l^erest thing is that I
my° Good wife ^5
there. one on you, wasn’t it? I
said to—that fellow I loaned $25 to on
your guarantee—what’s his name, fat
fellow ? Never puiftityiud tSjlpoiiey I w ish you
could let me have ”
“Don’t remi-tnbwAhe eireuuistanc((jfe iiauie ; don’t
recollect the and didn’t
know you had a wife. I’d Iwuril you'
would have numbtsfiof a party, but couldn’t re
member the your house. I
should iiave forgottefi to come if you’d
invited ine,ffan<l the bored man depart¬
ed A iu vast dudgeon. proportion of society is made
of a vacuum in memorv, and some of
| aBi^ wdtj^m portraM
> d genius here
>”>o.
----
A Tramp aud His Drink.
t , t t dttuu-f 1 mteto^m c on uis hh^tothe? clothes, and and
“»> » ? tx 'z:n . 'sLSt <«z
an q p, nvlo(1 ont iu , t voice loud e nougk
to be heard ui Ogden- wiBI ♦ i
(;; v ,, me !( soda-water ' cocktail '
the North pole in it ”
\ CVOW( ] outside-, thinking free drinks
were to be set up, crowded into the sa
foou and watched and waited. The man
() f rags, who had ordered tho North
pole in hia drink, ate up all the lunch
j ie could find, chewed up the coffee and
cloves, and was tackling the mint, when
the bartender quietly lisktxl:
.
*. What did you say vou want in vour
arink, Mr. Gould ?” ‘
Mr. Gould steadied himself a moment,
cvowd. and at himself in
s '.£
.............
been Ltt around, he got it
toll^TTut^StSfl* “T^Kug^S^d jn
’ (i, nl U ]d * took ,°?, it lt- wave _ Ut n a ^vst ‘‘ 11)11 nreliminn ,lmm 5 '
rv imll, , and then a lmmcane , arose. It
syynu , a as thoUi?h tha 0l)!H btoed torna
I,* t eigLt Au j: astt , nj m . m llad bjoken .
immense conglomeration 'Za of
ob^rved' . irniv „W piling f Out J the saioln a few
K „ mvll , s r and to-,lav, when the
Brokefi saloonkeeper reckons up the losses of a
auti stained head, cracked mirtor, scratched
conct er, mid liability of
^ s „ eil . he wjl , S!u1)v rem c-mber the
!rt9t words of the tramp ks hg closed tM
ll(X(r . md shot up the Mr, e :.-Salt Lake
‘
tribune* w 1 1
-
- . . .
e ^ ..e xen.
~ Summer tmd tlie city
cam-, streets
dry , dust .-. .t:ul noisy, »id the
breVs u.ui.- -w,-. mv s eyes ache.
So manima t,- l,u,i- i-n-y, who
old y -ou-e * .a.- -to, and tuo rosy, iat
onc-ycr.v-oh\ buoy and went away in
the j«j^ti; v*s to tie- gre-.-n, fresh, cool
snnbj|'^>niitry. 1 °n™_ 4 gthe still Grandpa city home, was with left good all
•
old on a to kee » lixiue for him until
the family should como hack in tha fall,
M ell, thiee who could go to tlie coun
try had just, as much fun as they could
jn sh for—sitting out under the trees all
the sonny days, and in the barn, when
the sun was too Uot fee them to want
him to shine on them.
One day, great-aunt Hannah was giv
ing her nwpftaws aud nieces a .dinner of
corn otd :-eaaa, and applee and cream,
asd Biee bread aud twitter, and they ail
sat a* tha tabla a long time, talking and
kwgbiaggpnd enjoying themselvc*.
HTMOILS OF THE DAY.
Hapless sons of clay are frequently
bricks,
Whks a man is cremated, does he go
to the bum from which no traveler re
turns ?
\ correspoxdext of the Chicago
Inter-Ocean signs herself “Alice Car
lysle.” She makes us smvsle.
The true wav for a woman to drive a
oa a is to aim' the blow square at her
b) b ^ shell at leato avoid hit.
.toff^er -Esthetic: thumb The anyway. “utterly utter JW. kind
of tali has infected the street gamins,
one of whom, after picaiug up a more
t ™ n usually fragrant cigar stump. ex
ohumel to hi* frieud; “Jack, this is
quite A XmPToiik toymotively horse bully.’ that attacked and
killed rmau is believed to be insane.
They’ve the got so used to accounting for
killing of men oa the theory that the
killer was insane, that next they’ll be
a lowing insanity against the engine that
runs over a man .—Poston Pont.
Papa—“ That picture thows the story
of Prometheus and the vulture that fell
0 u his liver. Every dav the vulture de
voured it, and every night it grew for
him to eaf^gaiu.” dflTold Sviiipithette child_
“ Poor, l.aveTeen vulture. How sick he
must of liver everv dav ”
Whq ever saw a farmer '» the
FhiUtitl llla T in deep conviction, ^
,q stonpiu the f Aon . to ask a lif
wert , worth th( iiving? -. Bnt m tho
Piuiadeljdna Times ever see a farmer
wh( .„ the low kaU stopped hlB1 am , he
Hilfe ^ 0 LH 18 . a “ 7 t oaIi .*® et o j*d} fo “ r itt mcl Keokuk, ) es ‘f’
*»» she is engaged to l be mamed. The
' v !° ' v “ u dld 11 lu these words:
11 ^ b ' aul ? m v soul a S 1<,w I d
-
," f d j™ 'f rc ‘ 11 " ’ “ :l “
but little , hexelituow, but wants that lit.
'to—long. Huff a to p, press.
First Young ^ Laby—“I like them
both, but I’ve made up my miml to
marry Tom.” Seeoud Yonxg Lady—
“ Why, Minnie, Charlie is ever so much
liaudsomer.” First Young Lady—“ Yes,
I know it; hut Tom’s iu the hairpin
business, and father says^there’s big
margin in hairpins.”— Boston Courier.
I doted, Pm freeto eonfess, on her hair,
l Wijupered the ieiuterest words lu tier ear.
i h , n , wt rong r wiud uprose, and she bluslicl rosy.
xSSB—
t , Mli
Fordfeclotuu ff,
it by the shimmering htrndtm Pune seas.
— ft.
”An> a png TM this lawyer, not long ago :
...J 1 ',, 1 0 week.” “Hi ow?”
“ e 1 ’ 1 , , „ , lor . a case > >* n d , I T , hor
, v'j* l ie ls , no1 todth® l>119
'
J° ld „ Henri . Muger, thak*tot.-il ^^^^Ttell l aristan
Z * ”
he reto> “but OOah^s’^-\Ym to l ean
atleost 10 ’
*
mZ Bc^md turning fA
market with a baske of spare ribs
for his Sunday dinner, was horrified at
seeing four or five of his chjjdren toan
iug half way over the seoo ry win
dow. “-Shildren,” exclai lie ex
cited parent, “go vay from dot vindow.
Ven you all falls out and preaks your
necks, den you vill say rt vas uot yea
vot done it. Go pack I dells you. —
Texas Siftings.
HUMOUS OF THE 1 UY.
betaxed-Wnao sssistnsu _ they tor -«*
are ram
1 ■ ■
Ihebe Jiofc places tins ..
are many in
Bh °' M g ° toS,vite3r '
lx TAKES at “ ook 1 “ lll >< 1 ™ , g s H P Brown.
—Syracuse Standard. True, but the
,b, r ,*,.
1 iiE^mentists have taught that insect t
““W , theur affeottous, aad now someone
knows a mosquito that wax maslied on a
young lady,
Professor Harris says “there is a
coming of the macrocosm into the mic
rocosm.” Time for some people to take
h> the woods when this-happens.—i^/OM
Olqbc,
Everybody knows that carls are inani
mate, vet who has not seen a cart follow
a horse? Spavin thinks it is because
they are attae-Jred toeaeh other.— J'Jtila
delphia Sim.
If you grasp a rattlesnake firmly
about the neck, he can not hurt you,
ri r;-.
from rif. Louis. But in spite of this
a !*^elephantiue hoof protrudes
su -- , - su rut- fe y* 8 * Segtos bridge ttiat c ets to in the mo
way .—LomrciHe ( ourur-Journol.
Itb i getting ... to , he , a common street , .
® csue 1,1 - N, l' v to see a woman with
f ! ur * lar lu ier 8 fa 81> * ° ^
policeman. The r burglars . . there . aiv g -t- t
tiu « 80 bold f ud diU il, S ?Mhat th f
Me excusable for , keeping out oi the
',?>'■ -They might get hurt.-J Sornstoun
J1,r ''
‘ Come now Charlie, , be candid ... and ,
teU , ^hat the people here, t unic of
\ ‘f 11
1 ie trutll ~, “ ° n - bother l r " th ’
that isut what I am ajfcer. ieT , me
something that will make Dae feel go,»Y.’*
—Boston Transcript.
* ‘ It’s sot winter or summer, ”
snappish you are, drunken
sri jq .j le wife to her
husband. “ And it’s replied', scolcl vou are, snm
mer or winter,” he with a ma
„ ri n. “And it’s school cm,ugh
^ me a u t }p s time,” thought the little
daughter, who was wishing for lioli
* Smart , Editor,
“An old and experienced sditor of a
Cincinnati religious paper,” indignant at
the other idle passengers who would not
help the conductor and driver post the
street csr across a deep hole in the road
wav. arose and, though still inside, put
his' bands and shoulders to the door
easing and pushed and fumed aud
poshed, thinking he did the m<jet of the
job of getting it across the chasm. The
editor of a religious newspaper cannot
know everything. That keeps even tha
editor ef the daily gaper pretty busy.