Crawfordville democrat. (Crawfordville, Ga.) 1881-1893, October 05, 1883, Image 2

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Crawfordville democrat., October 05, 1883, Image 2

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Newspaper Page TextCRAWFORDVILLE - * GEORGIA. GENEJLiAL NEWS. Trot new eottou factory at Birmingham will cover over four acres, cost $600,000 and empioy 600 operatives. The numt>er of patents witlield for nonpayment of the final fees was 2,056; the number of patents expired was7,471. The receipts from all sources was $1, •95,834; expenditures including printing *577,628, surplus. *513,255. Increase in the receipts over 1882, $155,020 The Pratt Coal Mid Coke Company, of Alabama, liavo bought ten mining tna chinos and have them cutting coal in the •haft. They will cut about 100 tons per day. The number of caveats filed was 2,- 688; the number of patents granted, in¬ cluding reissues and designs, 21,185; the number of trade marks registered win 833- the number of labels registered was 618; total 22,080, A Hn an has Democrat; There will be a. a considerable falling oil in the cotton crop, but. the people can boar it milch butter than they could have done last year. They aro more nearly out of debt and so are Is-tfcor 'enabled to “live at home.” Dubino the past year over a third of a million of dollars was received in tho United Stales land office at Gainesville, Fla., and nearly a linlf a million acres of land' were ilisposod of. There were also 1,655 homestead entries, and the utirn her of cash entries was 2,181. A peak orchard in Thomas county, Gu., was sold five years ago for $660. It W1W next, sold for $1,800, tho $650 hav ing been recovered from cuttings in tho meantime. A month afterward $2,800 was offered for it, and now it could not Ims bought for $25,000. The number of applications awaiting action on the part of the office, July 1, 1883, was 4,799, an increase of 2K per cent, over 1882. The Commissioner says the business of the office is steadily and ruppidly increasing, but nearly two and a half Million dollars now stands to the credit of the office in the Treasury. A MAN by the name of Gftllian, living near Low Gap, Hurry county, N. C. while quarrelling with a neighbor a few days ago, threw an ax at him, cutting his clothing slightly and killing his own child instantly. The ax remained in the child’s head for several minifies until they got tlirough fighting. Mrs. Gallian the child’s mother, became greatly cx'-i to!, and it is feared she will die, .......... . . -......... ’ , last . . year was f *ly , one •CAWithof tho entire consumption in tho United States, the increased consump lion in the United State, was nearly 25 jmr cent, of that for the whole country tli us showing that tho sou thjis; progress¬ ing much more rappidly in cotton mau nfaoturing than the North. Jacksonville, Fla., is to have a pal¬ metto factory. The machinery will all he new, for tho moat part recent invent¬ ions, and will consist of eight fibre ma ohines, six machines for preparing the loaf for mattrusacH, etc., nn immense pal¬ metto crusher, steam dyers and other ma¬ chinery for mannfocturiug palmetto pulp and for converting pine straw into fibre for the upholsters, for mattresses, etc. The Couimiaaionor of patents lias sub¬ mitted e report of the business <4 the patent office for tho fis¬ cal year ended June 30. The report hows thst the number of applications for patents received was 32,845 the man¬ lier of applications for design patents re¬ ceived was 1,038; the number of applica¬ tions lor ro-issuc pi patents reeemxl was 247, the numbernf applications for the rogfetrstion of trade marks was S54: the nuihberof applications for the registra¬ tion of labels whs 749; total 35,734, as against 30,720. CmmNOooxTimpH: Considerable ap prehension is oxpnwaod bv the ureas of ’ the 4 ! u** State » ns well u nMho . 4 i prominent ■ stock * , at tkrt proN-milanre of murrain among the cattle in certain sections. ’!%<> <Ummmc ' has made Z. its appearanee in many tocsbt.ee, , and is not confined to any one grand division of the State. To a.large extent the cattle raisers of the l»m. scrub skHik and haw expended ouittfideraldc wealth and time in unprov ing their herds. Consequently wi ei>i demie ‘ of this dread disease would l i> mmloukbje injury to the. t«te m a timui cud point of view. Macon TelOiTauh Tlie Savannah n I w ruck v formers - investigating - fruitcans . are ning estal^lishmente for the benefit of their association. The true solution of ___. d ,, .- , t v- on „ - Ls|jt eqseon, oxi'eneacc, if it taught , any thuag, Isaghtthat truck is of too jx’rish aide « nature to be shippexi kmg distan _ 1 \ riKk The demand f ' canflM. , trait* MS «• tom. nas never been irttihr supplied, and should the sup- ply forj the time exceed th« demand, there is no danger of [a glutted market Like cotton, canned fruit can be held few an active market, The astroDogists who selected 1883 as a good year for earthquakes, pestilence and accidents seem to have made a hit. During the eight months of the year con¬ siderably more than 148,000 lives have been lost in notable disastrs, in that taking into account the yellow fever in the south. By simply following the big news of the press dispatches the follow¬ ing table of people killed is made up: Loss of the Uimhm 434 Milwaukee Hotel fire 80 Poland circus fire 268 Australia mine flooded 72 Tehichipa(CaL) railroad accident 21 Flat-boat disaster N. C. 18 Loss of City of Brussels 10 Mine explosion. Ill. 10 New York scool panic 16 Braid wood mine disaster 77 February floods 56 Drowned at Drownsville Minn 11 April tornadoes 200 Fail of a Texas hotel 14 Brooklyn bridge panic 14 May tornadoes 118 Hundemand (Eng) school panic 202 June floods 59 Baltimore pier disaster 72 Carlon CN, Y.jrailroad floods Occident 17 July London (Ont) 17 Hungary fire 0 Ischia earthquake English fishing fleets CC German floods ri Mt Ararat avalanche h Powder mine explosions explosions in in Europe Europe H Two Bombay factory panic,etc. n Rochester (Minn) tornado Ci Lake Chiem pa ace accident S Cornwall mine accident Collision off Edystone ftstiermen lighthouse x Great Banks lost i§ Java earthquake cholera India Egyptian Cholera 21 Italian steamer Ansonia Steamer Kenmoro Castle Steamer Gypsy Navarre Steamer Ship Dnnshoffrnge explosion Rome Steamer Lake Orappler ingBurn Daphne Como theater Steamer on Clyde AN ENGAGED SEAT. Tbr Trnvriin* Ho* rropcrij KeXikrd. It was a day when everybody was tired and anxious to sit down that a large man, carrying a gripsack, boarded an Eastern railroad tram, and after wa k ing through several crowdedoars,finally found the one vacant seat. Seating himself, ho placed his bag on the cushion at liis side. Just as the train was about to start another man entered and mode tho same journey in search of a seat. As he stopped inquiring before tho large man the latter said: “This seat is engaged, su*; a man just stepped out, but will return m a mo went; he left his baggage here as a claim to the seat.” "Well, soul the second traveler, frankly, “I’m pretty tired, and if yon don t object I’ll dt down here and hold his bag for him till ho returns. And without ftott^emony this who was bound for Lynn, earnestly little prayett within the inmost chambers of his heart that his companion might get off at Somerville, or Everett or Chel “ to/ stL for * even .Tond n Ousted rest ex MtoLwk ' ted bv ^ the owner eMhe movement The train from the stA thm V Ill vain did the lame pfsee man whu/liis trv to sysasrtfssssstta B'srtsssssasit’ft stramrer’s ticket train stoppiid at Everett, and still the stronger gazed \*eM(‘fully ahead, never budging, and the largo man began but-the to perspire. Then came Chelsea, still held fast to the and never offered to stir. The agony of the large he man could was do simply nothing frightful, but grin but and he saw bear it, and get out of the fix as best he could. But- the stranger had by this time fully grasped the situation, and de ternmed though thankful to punish for the nnaocommodat- the seat, ing pig for his selfish deception. So, when Lynn was reacheil, the large man put forth his hand for the bag, but the stranger drew back the same with an expression of surprise, saying, “I beg your imggage.” pardon, sir, but this is not your “But it isn't yours," stammered the owner, blushing. I “To lie sure ; bnt purpose to see it returned to the proper person. Here, conductor. here’s a man who wants to run off with this baggage that doesn't tmlong to him. place, Somebody and evidently put it in tlu' seat to secure n got left at Boston, for he hasn't claimed it, aud now t,nH man wants to run away with it,” and he gave the conductor a wi uk, and 1UH that official knew the stranger personally, promptly be understood the wink, nud replied : “ Thc on, v thill P do is to return the . and Crimed fo Boston, store it among the u baggage.” “But,'' expostulated said the large conductor, man. “Hold on there,” the bag? And -' then th« and the stranger con ductor and combined one or two sympathizing ^gc pas sougere to confuse the man, and he, hating to confess to his piggishnesw, and knowing not what to do, precipitately fled amid the frowns “"i sighs of the observers at his wicked uoss. But the stranger, with a happy stented smile, hod the Iwg n tumed to Boston, where the large man hod to come next dav, and identify it The moral of tliis tine tale is obvious.—Boo ton Globe. __ The is troubled with insomnia . . pope “ d cannot sleep enough to make worth hi» while to go to bed. He ought p, , oul the night police and he could sleep all the time. SUNDAY EVE AT SNA ftttttaf stone at the Sunset hour, With my good «hip moored in a foreign bay, Comes s hallowed thought with memorit* frenght, Of the loved ones f« ttmif. Fseee ftmilisr upon me emits, While my heart with the sweet remembnnee rweili, And I eeem to beer the mosie dear Of jubilant msnisge bells. I Of marriage bells on a Sabbath day, In a beautiful village by the sea, When the world was bright, all filled with delight, For my own Annie and me. A score of years bare passed since then, i And I’ve anchored my ship in many a bay, Bat my loved ones, dear, ever seem more near The farther I sail away. Moment* there ars when I may'forget To think of one spot o’er the sea afar, Of the joy and light of a home made bright By lore, where my treasures are; But whenever the gnnday evening comes, And the wave* are flercs and the night is drear, Like angel* of love, as if sent from above, My loved one* seem hovering near. I behold them, then, my treasure* dear, A* at thi* moment they come to me; For *ail where I will their image* still My companions are at sea. Caleb Draw. The Irish Seer. a„.„ , . the valuable police plat^. and publicity Mr. Omnsby m these distrusted cases, P Patr 1 !; ck t^ffl^ ° Rafferty, 1 ^.« the n ^i viJage mtO8endf0r seer. That worthy Llfi^eption came and heard the !&, and hti fit ble neighbors but was deceive not difficult nor dan gerous, to and undeceive matter! “* '“**** ™ another a a nfatter matter beyondTiim neyona mm e'ntirely entirely al< ^ThenThe lnen the Sqmre was angry, and said bitterly, “tfo doubt he would rather oblige his neighbors or him, a shopkeeper than the who was a stranger to man whose land had fed him and his for fifty years.” He was proceeding in the same strai.i when poor Pat, with that dismal whine the merry soul was subject to occasion a Hy ) i m p!ored him not to murder him entirely with hard wolds; he would do his best. “No man can do more,” said Mr. Onnsby. “Now, how will assistance?” you proceed ? Can we render you any Patrick said,'humbly, and in a down cast way, he would like to see the place w horo the thieves got in. He was taken to the pantry window, and examined it inside and out, and al] the servants peeped at him. “What next?" asked the Squire. Then Patrick inwardly resolved to a good dinner out of this bn sinew, eve r liumilating said he, “yell the have end giw«i v “Sorr,” all to myself, and rump-steak*. to ' • roo m a onions; and after that your serw st ollgXaX Brewers’ ale hasn’t the same spiritual effect on a When the first pipe and pLse pint were to go to him a discussion took between magnates of the kitchen who s^hould 1 UP ' AtI f i the b Q ‘ ler hOUS f ke ? er 1 T t 1 d ^ h f ^ <3xd a f00tman °- , **' Meantim 0 Patrick sat m . state . digesting ^ tk f 8 ocdfood ' He began tofeeiaphyai txssssxz ^ oomplftoenoy. Mid to defy jsists the future; dear as Maderia. Ba yg Patrick, looking at the pipe, ’ “That’s the first of’em.” The footman put tho things down rather hurriedly and vanished. “Hnmph,” said Fat to himself, "yon don’t seem to care smoked, for my company.” his mind He sipped and and worked The footman went to the butler with acaiirli’e , d said “I won’t ao ® neai him said I was one ” “ the butler ' - “I’ll , . ,; u , * .. „ f-, ’ Patrick crazed in his face . , .. 1 : 1 ’ , id ’ sotto voce “This is the second;” then, very re gretfullv, “Only one more to come.” The bntler went away much discom posed, and told the housekeeper. "I can't believe it,” said she. “Any wav, I'll know the worst.” So in due oourse she took up the third pipe and pint, and wore propitiator; smiles. “This is the last of’em,” said Patrick, solemnly, and looked at the glass. The housekeeper went down all in a flutter. “ We are found out, we are . , „ , “There _ . nothing to m 1 ^\ ie lu n ' >ut there w; we " ‘'| k . ! M ’ or P] 1 * [ il f 5 01 ?. etkeT on l “ f M I atnek . aas half p dozing over his last "hen lie heard a rustle and a cc>m u^'Uou a,ullo .ttuee culprits on their ' U ,.VI wt.f.h’--. T 1 e Yf = wen, , tmn, ... . o°me to . mate yon v» a . of the three C hrischin ane ,r 1> vm md . , Imvthen diatyeare le graces may save youmdves the trouble. Sure 1 k^w all about rt. «e see you do. \ are wiser than Solomon,” said the housekeeper. “But sure ye wouldn’t abuse your wisdom to rllin three poor bodies like us ?” “Poor!" cried Patrick. “Isitpoorye call yourselves? Ye ate and drink like fighting otxiks; y'are clothed in silk and plush and broadcloth, and your wages is all pocket money the* and pin-money. Yet ve must nib man that feeds and clothes ye.” “It is true! it is true!” cried the butler. “He snakes like a priest,” said the woman. “Oh, ! don’t be hard on os; it is all the devil’s doings; he timpted us. Oh ! oh ! oh t” “Whisht, now, and spake sinse,’’ said Patrick, not.’’ roughly. “Is it melted f “It is “Can you Jay your hands on it T’ “We can, every stiver of it. We in tinded to put it back.” “That’s a lie,” said Patrick, firmly, hat not in the least reproachfully, “Now look at me, the whole clan of ye, male and faywale. Which would you rather do—help be find the gimcracks, every article of ’en, or be lagged and scragged and stretched on a gibbet and such like iligsnt divisions?” They held snatched eagerly them, at and the from plank of safety out to that minute acted tinder Mr. O'Rafferty’s orders. “Fetch me another pint,” was his first behest. “Ay, a dozen, if ye’ll do ns the honor to drink it” “To the divil I’m widyour his blarney sarvice.” 1 Now tell the master at “Oh, murder 1 what will become of us ? Would you tell him, after all ?” “Ye omadbanTu,, can’t ye listen at the dure and hear what I tell him ?” With this understanding Squire Onus by was ushered in, all expectation. think “Yer honor,” said Patrick, “ I the power is laving me. I am only able to see the half of it. Now, if you plaze, would you like to catch the thieves and lose the silver, or to find the silver and not find the thieves?” “Why, the silver, to be sure.” “Then you and my lady must go to mass to-morrow morning, and when yon come back we will look for the silver, and maybe, if we find it, your honor will give me that little bit of a lease I vebeen wanting so long.” At nine o’clock next morning Mr. and Mrs. Ormsby returned from mass, and foimd O’Rafferty waiting for them at their door. J He had a long walking-stick _ with a shining knob, “ft and informed them, Ifl £®i ^ 8prin ‘ Me penerated into out-houses, and ap plied his stick to chimneys and fagots ovens, and all possible places. Then he rched proceeded to the stable-yard, then „ fcn( j Bea every corner; intc ;, |je shrubbery; then into the tool-house, No luct Then on to the lawn . B y j^] thuj time th ere where abont thirty at his 8 Disgusted at this fruitless search, Pat riek apostrophized his stick: ” _ , oe ?f y ou J , are on , 8 ood , • kape > v f° i iurn - Ye turning away from every place; but ye don t turn to any whatever. Stop a bit! Oh, holy Moses what is this ? As he spoke, the stick seemed to rise . fnd point a™*™ like a gun. indicated, 1 atnek and marched after 5 a while , seemed to be forced by the stick j T ' to -'««i a they all „ ' ran K ‘£ ai after (,?. him. ut excited- He ran ’ , l tut ag^t dismounted bar I a watm: i and d of the stick struck it , impetus . that it knocked the * . 1 th fl ??* of latr ok , °*? r ’ ?“ who ® w , f \ 8 a • ] ^ ^ °th*^ r f“ ^ ^ a y> th ® and gh tenng stood glaring objects • Ihp lawn > neither more nor |Ej|Bjthe missing plate. • Every ^^Ming s consummate nauds with actor, Patrick seemed who, daz «uig n tied and mystified, as one who had sue oeeded far beyond his expectations. To make a long story short, they all ^edin ala their ™ ed minds “ d hldden tiiat the thieves plate . d r.l. ’ mtWdmg to retUrD and f6tch awa Y Mr. Ormsby took the seer into his s t u dy, and gave him a piece of paper stating.that for a great service rendered l“s a. ^ ftrm 80 ^ on g as he or his should farm ^ themselves, and pay the present rent, Pat’s modesty vanished at the Squire’s gate; he bragged up and down the vil lage, and henoeforth nobody disputed his seership in those parts. A neighbor’s estate, mortgaged up to the eyes, was sold under the hammer, and Sir Henry Steele bought it, and laid s °me of it down in grass. He was a breeder of stock. He marked out a park wall, and did not include triangular a certain bM e orchard and a plot, Patrick O’ Rafferty observed, and ap l llied for them - sir Henr y> w ho did bis own business, received the appli cation, noted it down, and asked him for a good reference. He gave Squire Ormsby. “I will make inquiries,” said Sir Henry. “Good morning.” London, and He knew Ormsby neighbor in the Irish when he became his gentleman was all hospitality. O'Rafferty’s One day Sir Henry told him of ftp plication, aud asked about him. “Oh,” said Ormsby, “that is our seer.” “Your what?” “Our wise man, our diviner of se crets; ;„ and some wonderful things 8 he has doue jj e related the loss of his plate, and its supernatural recovery. p^tLso Sir Henry said that he would P^^^uest pretensions to the test Patrick was informed tblt llext Thursday, at one o'clock, if he chose to submit to a fair test of his ^^a.-«s. had asked for should be let him on easy terms. Patrick assented jauntily. . But _ in .. his seeret soul he felt uneasy. However, he came up to the scratch like a man. After all. he had nothing to lose this time, and he vowed to sub mit to no test that was not ushered preceded by a Sir 8°°*^ Henry d ^? Steele er ', .Se study was and there into he s found that gentleman there and clotli Mr. Onnsby. laid, and One comfort, was a certain silver dishes on the hobs and in the fender. “Well, Mr. O'Rafferty, " said his^hoet, “I betieve you like a good said dinner?” Pat “Thrue for you. sorr,” ‘-Weti. then, we can combine business with pleasure; you shall have a good dinner.” “Long life to your honor 1 ‘I cooked it Tor you myself. ” “God bless your honor for your con descinsion.” “You Me to eat the dinner first, and then just tell me what the meat is, and the parcel of land is yours on easy terms. ” Patrick’s confidence rose, “Sure. thin, it is a fair bargain,” said he. The dishes were uncovered. There were vegetables cooked most deliciously; the meat was a chef-d’oeuvre; a sort of rich ragout done to a turn, and so fra grant that the very odor made the mouth water, Patrick seated himself, and helped himself, and took a mouthful; that mouthful had a double effect He real ized in one and the same moment that this was a more heavenly compound than he had ever expected to taste upon earth. and that he could not and never should divine what bird or beast he was eating. He looked for the bones; there were enjoyment. none. He yielded ’ himself to desperate cleaned When he had nearly the plate he said that even the best cooked meat was none the worse for a quart of good ale to wash it down. Sir Henry Steele rang a bell and or¬ dered a quart of ale. Patrick enjoyed this too, and did not hurry; he felt it was his last dinner in that house, as well as his first, The gentlemen watohed him and gave him time. But at last Ormsby said, Patrick— Now Patrick, whilst he sipped, had been asking himself what line he had better take; and he had come to a con elusion creditable to that sagacity and knowledge of human nature he really possessed and underrated accordingly, |je would compliment the gentlemen on their superior wisdom, and own he could not throw dust in such eyes as theirs; but let him still pass for a wise man in tlle par P i s b, whilst they ~carry laughed in their Bupe or sleeves. To out this he impregnated his brazen features with a w co mic humility. “And,” said he, in cajoling accents, man y a ta™* * he do 6 H were to ° nun a f ,1’. * . .. , ‘^o^hS^ I^Wdl, 1 'hihs 'anexti-a —---- It old dog-fox „ , J ordinary *5 man. was an 00 ?£& l 1 “\ L* } 1 ^ ? °£ ed Ormsby. _ , delighted , at the success of Ins country* man - “Well, sir, said Sir Henry, whose emotions seldom lasted long, “a bargain’s a bargain. I let you the orchard and field f 0 r—let me see—you must bring me atoat a teasel, and a polecat every vear _ j mean to get up the game.” ’ O’Raffertv first stared stupidly, Mr. ^ winked cunningly, then blandly ;lb sorbed laudation and land; then retired invoking solemn blessings; rtang'o, being outside.- executed a fan and went home on wings; from t]iat bour the village could not hold him His speech was of accumulating till slice f arms 0 n peppercorn rente, a hear of () f the country should be his. To him, he could see through a deal board, and luck was his monopoly. He began to be envied, and was on the way to be nated, when, confiding in his star, he luarr i e< j Nor ah Blake, a beautiful girl, but ^ a most notorious mSicky vixen > - h one's great deal, CsureZuldn’t lorsure wouiani moranre Norah re venge them? Alas ! tue traitress fell in Ioto with her husband after marnage J? 1 Thi8 was the climax. So Paddy lasting Luck now numbere d among the in stitutions of old Ireland (if any). May he live till the skirts of his coat knock his brains ont, “the and wind him that dancing shakes an Irish fling to the barley V’—Harper's Magazine,. r „. The Chicago Tribune says a reporter for that paper met Dr. T. D. Williams lately and asked him about the possi bilitiea of adulterating lard. “Oh, it can be adulterated with water, Missouri clay, tallow and other things. ” “Have yon overrun across adulterated _ lard?” “Yes. I examined quite a number of samples. I found ten or twelve per cent, of water when there should have been only two per cent. That quantity can be put in without detection; and water seemed to be the great adultera tion when I was investigating the sub ject, I refer to steam-rendered lard. Water is introduced by the condensation of steam coming in contact with the fat.” “What do you know about Missouri clay?” of lard; but “I never found any it in I heard that one very prominent renderer in Chicago received -10 barrels of it and I 6aw a sample. It is sent as an adul terant, and is used not only in lard but hi almost everything else, where terra alba could not cut any figure. It has no texture, and has a granulated appear ance under the microscope 'when pulver ized for the market. It is a better adul terant than the white earth for lard, be cause terra alba would be precipitated in this climate, and befound atthe hot *om of the package. The clay and is could not so dense, though quite heavy, be with success to the extent of ten or fifteen per cent. Its presence can be detected with the microscope. By ih e ~ --— Smokt.— In Mexico nearly everyone is a smoker. The school children who have done well in their studies are re warded by being allowed to smoke a cigar ns they stand or sit at their lessons. The schoolmaster is seldom without a cigar in his mouth. In the law courts all persons oommonly enjoy accused their to bacco freely, and even the in a criminal trial is not denied this indul gence, but is allowed, if his cigarette light goes out in the heat of the argument, to it again bv borrowing that of the officer *ho stanza at his side to guard him. ___ ^ ___ “I havb no wealth.” she aaid; “lean yon 0 nlv mv hand and heart” 4nd then he thought that if her heart was as big as her hand she was indeed WIT AND WISDOM. AssrrAiNiNa from food, it is said, wQt cure rheumatism. If you have rheumai tism go live in a boarding house. Thebe is so much sand in the straw lierries that are brought to market now that they seem quite fit for the desert. Loom is logic, and it does not follow that Noah brewed beer in the ark be¬ cause the kangaroo went on board with hops. “Yes,” said the gilded but youth, will. “I hate My to make the sacrifice, I tailor must wait for his money and she gets the bouquets. ” The City of Houston, Tex.. offered to pay Ingersoll more to lecture one night on infidelity than it pays a single one of its ministers for a year’s work. Speaking of the avocation of the heav¬ enly bodies, there is no doubt but that the sun is a tanner.— Oil City Der¬ rick. “Why are these flats celled French flats?” “ To distinguish them from American flats.” “What are American flats ?” “The people that live in French flats.” The “gentle reader” is supposed to b* one that doesn’t get on his ear and swear whenever the newspaper man is lncky enough to get a full-page advertismenk — Wheeling Leader. “Remembeb who you are talking to, sir,” said a father to his fractions boy. “I am your father.” “Well, who’s to blame for that ?” asked young imperti¬ nence ; “It ain’t me.” The meanest man we have heard of rhis season is the fellow friend who telegraphed just his sympathy to a who had lost everything in speculation, and made him pay for the message. Commeboial traveler—“My name is Muller. I am agent for Sehultze, in Berlin.” Merchant—“Sehultze, in Ber¬ lin? In that case I must beg yon to shut the door from the outside.” It is a very small village indeed that doesn’t contain a billiard champion of the United States. There are more bil¬ liard champions in this country to-day long than there are billiard tables by a chalk. A negbo baby was born in Georgia- pound recently which weighed “literary only a feller,” and a quarter, and a hearing of the circumstance, remarked that it was funny how anything so dark could be so light. The other day a Paris lady abruptly the entered her kitchen, and she saw cook skimming the soup with a silver spoon. She said to her, “Francoise, I expressly forbade you to use silver in _ the kitchen.” “But, madam, the spoon was dirty.” Otik contemporaries are now making the time-honored saying: “What is so rare rare as as a a day day in in June.” June.” There There is is some- some¬ thing thing far far more more rare, and that is an ad» vertiser who does not want his notice at the top of t.he column and next to the reading matter. “The last link is broken,” the fellow aa id when he kissed hi*girl good-by for¬ ever at her dissolution. request because her parents a A few days later, he received a note saying “Dear Georget and There are plenty more links ; come them ” mefohantv I’d like very much for you to advertise witil me Suppose you put in a small card for six months? Shan’t cost yon muc h.” “I don’t believe it would help me.” “That’s not the question. I want 11 to hel P me ’” A scandal, or quarrel, or murder , fa often explained by the statement that “there is a woman at the bottom of it — as the man said when his wife fell into the well. There is generally a the woman Cap at the bottom of everything; ri but “ •* rors The Melon J Losses. _ jjo watermelon suicides thus far, says a New York letter, though the pr ice is low. In fact this is a year of me lon misfortune. Its great lesson has been, beware of sudden success. Ex¬ perienced hop growers have said that extraordinary price obtained last 7ear W!IS a damage to the business. It will iead to such extended planting that a glut may be expected. This is the cause 0 f the present melon misery, Last year the prices reached an extra or di nar y mark, and the result was that the g out h became melon crazy. Last year t i le price was $20 a hundred, which yielded an immense profit. The freight easily is $10 a hundred, but this was so paid that growers lost sight of it. This year, however, melons will not bring enough to meet this debit, and commis B j on dealers have declined receiving them unless freight prepaid. One ship men t G f 20,000 was refused by the con signee, and on top of this came fifty car i oa ds, which had first been sent to Cin c jimati, and finding no market there sen t to New York city. Being refused by tlle commission merchants, they were so id by the railroad agents, who hardly t enough to pay freight. The market wag thoroughly glutted bv this forced sa i e> ^ then to make matters worse the very next day 63,0C0 melons arrived by steamer, ’ making g 230,000 in one week, ffid it beca me alm 0 st hard work to give t h em awav. The health inspector, how ever, interfered and ordered an immense land will be devoted to other crops. Melons will probably be dear next sea son , since one extreme generally follows mother. “as The money made last year been lost bv the glut, and exper- profit i en ce thus proves that an average even of moderate amount is better than es tr-aordinary prices and sudden wealth. The waste of melons which occurred j aring th e past month has probably of never equaled in the memory man> —- a wild storm of applause followed, during which some one hit Shindig Wat kins a blow on the neck which rendered him unconscious for seven minutes. The orator was then escorted to the ante-room and placed before a water melon and apitcher of lemonade, and the meeting resumed the regular routine.