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About Crawfordville democrat. (Crawfordville, Ga.) 1881-1893 | View Entire Issue (March 28, 1884)
The C r awfQit?il Democrat. CRA WFORDVILLt. GEORGIA 4 ODDS AND ENDS. California has 900 churches." Ai straixa has 9,000,000 inhabitants. There are 16,823-Quakers in Indiana. A cremation society has been organ¬ ized in Boston. Chicago has 21,000,000 bushels of grai/i in store. The sulphur beds of Utah embrace several miliou acres. Baltimore boasts of a debt of thirty eight million dollars. There are 5,000 homeless and destitute children in Chicago, It takes 250 bushels of potatoes to make n ton of starch. Germany is going in heavily for beet root sugar culture. Mant New England cofton mills are miming on half time, Charles Delmonioo left n fortune of five millions of dollars. Two men were attacked by a mob in Spain for selling Bibles. A bile farm has been established in Fowh&ttan county, Va. London Bible societies gave away 4,989,660 bibles last year. Dividends payable in Boston in Peb maty aggregate f,'1,051,737. deputy Tali.uj.aii, Ga., lector*. tins two women revonuf Dol Chicago is making an effort to stay the t de of divorco-si-ekers. Gen. IJ i.rkiuku is to have a monu¬ ment at Orlskany, N. Y. 1’icki‘ockets aro said to infest every railroad town in Mississippi. A statue of Garfield has been ordered at Berlin, for Sin Francisco. Ok all American cities Sarah Bern¬ hardt liked Boston th6 best. Not one of the six Congressmen from Cai Uiiiiia was born in the State. nV, < mi a hnekrrnyn have formed an asnoooiliou for self-protection. JsiHana |mys her ministers over a mill:oh dollars a year in salaries. have CffiNi mis IttU' drymon iu Han Francisco organized a latsir union. A rlami in a quarry near lioditq (Jal., anenvsri'd live potnlied eggs. For ty thiirk Esglisli yachts are now criiisirig in the MediWrriuioan. A ooi.on y of German farmers are on their way to southern California. A Ma^hachusetth Imhy has twelve toes, ton fingers nod two thumbs. Hkoond Adventists say the world will end on the 4Ui of No vend sir. There are 20,000 mombers of the Methodist, church in Hisith Africa. Oviui 2,600 men are employed in the Baoruuu nto Itiver salmon fisheries. The output ol the Michigan iron nines last yotq was linbuuftyteiig'At 2,#90,000 tmmj ' Nkw Hampshire snr riving veterans of the war of 1812. Ouu neighbor, Mexico, owes one lmn dreil and seveuteea million dollars. •pent ■V- On new >-,*»«....... railroads in the south. Faun hundred ami fifty-two railroad trains leave Boston every week day. Titk Texas Assembly has passed a •tringent law against, feuce-cuttiug. Canadian vessel captains are organ firing a RGcietvall along the Inkos. illation Onr pawon of Now in York every 1,000 of blind. the in^v Btaio w JvrJ'lZiir iny their holds are ir-L'if worth $1,890,000. tl ' 1 l)u. Oliver Whnukll Holmes says be is not going to England to loot ure. Thkiik are a million people in Great Britain wh« receive charitable relief. Thkiik is groat distress among the GhiU'-so laborers iu British Columbia. A hill before the Kentucky Leris I a turn ii-ks for n orematory in Louisville. and $v..... hugest .. ..............if..... match factory in the world if China now manufactures firearms of all kinds and of superior workmanship, Tkaiihrks of French iu England have organized a society for mutual proteo tion. Therm aro places in New York where you can got stale beer for a cent a gin.----. The wooden boxes that bring oranges from Florida ore manufactured in Maine. The manufacture of salt in Michigan is oils of the moat important industries there. ivJ Oiwi bie.it Lak i a. Lake v v Hno is oh?y sixty or seventy foot deep; ».ut Lake Ontario, which is 503 feet deep, is 230 feet below the tide-level of th© ocean, or iia low as most parts of peril higher, >r, oeive, it haa Ihm'H oonieotnred that a subterranean river mav run from Lake Ontario. Tliis ooniivturo is not im probable, Get and aocamts for the singular that r.ihnon And herring are caught in .dl flic !hk. " communieahng with tlie Kt. IhHwr.n.v, but no others. As the Falls U Niagara um*t have always ox Tsted .il would yiurelo the naturalist to say how those fish got into the upper lake without some subteirsneaB nver; moreover, wpuld any penodioal furnish pot-improbable obtruction ox the river a sofntian of t he mjRterisns fiux ami ra» flux of the lakes. Hkrk is a fair sample of the small Ivy's WCl btvftkfast diary; “Otd up and waglied lifft—hml me— —slid ilown a ftgtit witki Wiilie Smith—we don't speak •ny more— wvsv s hele in the toe of my Sew boot, steering my sled—eat supper - -pa I»ed—bully spanked me about the boot—went to good day.” THE BUNT) CANARY. Sweet singer to my dreams, My blind canary, I dwell npon the liquid note That fills thy little hreast and throat, And comes forth piping, full and airy. Reaching far and far away To some dreamy twilight day, Whose virgin star with softness beams On fairy dell and fairy. Post sing the joys of warmer climes, My little stranger? Those changeless green Canary Tslea, Where over ldng the anihmcr smileB On tamarind and forest ranger 1 On those green isles lapped by the sea Perennial blooms thy parent tree, Far from man’s sins, far from his crimes. And far from danger. The Yucca and the citron tree, Thou knowest no more; The guavas sweet and mangosteen Will never mom by thee Ik; seen; Thy treble note no m re will pour O't mango, palin, and asphodel. And poingrariate and aureate bell. No more, mv bird, thy vi.ion's free To see thy native shore. When lo, the plume of awful death In dusk descend* Up m the conch where life is run, And cold oblivion’s nightie gun, E'er vet the soul its casement rends, The lights of heaven pass in review, And waning hopes their pulse renew; Bueh scenes are thine, to which thy breath Its sweetness lends. McBnaiorr. A PERFECT TREASURE. STORY OF A DETECTIVE, I am not the man to have hobbies, but wlmt 1 like, is plate, good serviee- by obln gold and silver. It is whispered malignant persons that J would not give so many dinner-parties, if it were not to exhibit these costly articles. I am not conscious of such a motive for my bos nitality, but if it exists it need not surely i<o objected to; it is I who have to pay for the weakness, and not my friends. , It was not looking at my gold and silver plate, f suppose, which made, my mother-in-law bilious; she mi^bt liflvc stopped a long time at some other houses 1 could name, without getting the qual ity, or even the quantity, of food that would produce an indisposition of that kind. Mind, I don’t blame her; she gave way to an amiable weakness (it, was t rutiles') Last Wednesday we happened I had to been have rather n large dinner party; dining out a good deal at various clubs lately, and of course it was necessary to invite my entertainers in return. The dinner lmd gone off uncommonly well. The shield shaped salvera had been very much admired, and so had 1 my new tureen. The ladles hail retired to the drawing-room, and I had just Twnnkay, passed the vine-leaf Bowles claret-jug stooped tcicOo], down when and whispered in my ear that a person wished to see me in the hall inwn f very 1 Important,!)'!*’' 1 #'*- said I. “It “Ask him what it is,” is impossible that I can leave my guests. ’ "J liinr Bir, but lie refuses to t replied Bowles, confidentially. in n-rson ” i W as upon the point of saving, “Tell llim to j,, ave the house,” when some thing or other in Bowles’ manner struck mo so decidedly that I resolved not to do so. Perhaps I placed rather too much confidence in my butler. Actuated l AV a vague presentiment of distrust and danger, I rose from the table, made gentoo j Bort 0 f person e fs\ns2 was standing by , tbo nm \ m q\a stall, “What is it you want with me, sir?” said I, in a magisterial tone. conversation “One minute’s private with you,” ho replied, w-ith a glance at the butler. “You may leave us, Bowles, said I; a, ’J bo withdrew accordingly, although, f..“ 1 this has srni(>t , ling to f< , ar from manV disclosure,” and the next words my visitor confirmed me in the ens pieioii. mrnilier of the detective “1 am a po¬ lice force,” said he, and I oome to worn yon that there is something wrong in your house. ” ‘“Nothing to do with my plate, I hope?” said I, with considerable anx¬ iety. mneh to do with it, sir,” turned “Very grimly. “There is thief re¬ lie, a harbored here; and by this time to-mor¬ row yon will not have a silver spoon in your possession, unless 1 tiud him ont. . 1 T* BOul . y , h _ UB .l0f “A thief! ^° £ said ‘ i i T; T. impossible! . I T never have.even so much w a strange waiter, that butler has hvxnlwittame for ten years, ami my t*o footmen, even sr ***» — ql qU J Tt.^ l(T tlv ^ * - « T J^ Relight a e *♦ _ • s thither men.” K tn J?T the wo5TT, over o^U the do<w «s hi faJthe t ’ «d them halL ,,j. ig no , them vou’ ” he said. “YThat other men have in the house ?” “None but mv guests, ” sukl I: “here j n the dining-room.” well, vou know them all verv ^ ^ none o{ them mere acquaint • ^ . hesitation, “MVU," returned T, with aiid fooling gl»<l that Mrs. Mntoham was not a thini party to this interview, “I know some, of course, better than otlwre.” , “Just so,” said the detective, quietly^ “iLen T must see them.” Tliis was a shocking proposal, and made me f.^ei hot all over ; but still I was not going to run anv risk with those shield-shaped salvers. Major riukey, I now remembered, had expressed a great Pinkey was—except that he belonged to my club—I certainly knew no more than the detective, and perhaps a great deal less. Still, it seemed a very "base thing to open the dining-room door and let this fellow scrutinize my guests, in hopes to find a scoundrel among them. “Upon my life," said I, “Mr. Detec¬ tive, 1 ca«’t clo it.” r “Very right, sir—very natural,” wdy. re¬ plied he, smiling in his quiet “It would never do, would it? But Jook you , sir; I’m a waiter, a hired waiter. Who is to know that I have not buskiess at your side-board? In one minme I could run my eye over the whole lot, and spot my man, if he’s there, as sure as taxes.” „ I did not like even this arrangement; but still it seemed the only thing fo be done. So, sending for Bowles, I ar¬ ranged with him the plan of proceed¬ ing, and then returned to the dining room. After a could period of anxiety no measure of time departure. indicate, the sup¬ posed waiter took his “You’ve got a new man, I see,” said Dr. Twistie, carelessly, “with so satisfied m|h jdate about, I hope yon are about I his exceedingly honesty.” glad to find’ old was not“been Twistie was honest, and had taken by the shirt frill, and walked off to Bow street, but of course I did not tell him that. “Please, sir, you’re wanted again,” whispered Bowles, as he brought in an¬ other bottle of claret. “If tbe kitchen chimney is on fire, I am glad we have dined,” observed the Major, good-humoredly. command “If I can be of any service, pray me.” I did not inform him what a relief it was to me that he was not wanted, but remarking that it was only a little do¬ mestic matter, I once more sought the inspector, after is ?> “The one I’m not among them, sir, so far as I know,” observed tliis official, jerking his thumb in thedi rection of the dining-room. “Afib you 8)ire aro no more men in your house besides those I haver seen IK “Yus,” said I; “there are no more.” “Then now I must have a look at the ladies.” “The ladies I” cried T, aghast kt this proposal. “You don’t want to co into tho drftwing-roftm ?** “jt would be more satisfactory,” ob served the detective, v4£y reliable. coolly But, “My in- all formation is at e vents, who is there ?” “Well,” said I, “my wife is there for one; yon have no information against her, 1 suppose ?’’ He nodded satisfaction so far. “Then there’s the Honorable Mrs. Mntoham and her daughter.” “Hate,” rejoined the detective check ing _ them off on his fingers, “Mrs. Twistie, of Regalia square, and Lady Bobbington.” “I suppose they’re all riglit,” re marked mv inquisitor, doubtfully. “Are you Riire tliere are no more ?” “There’s my mother-in-law, but slie's in her own room, itud exceedingly unwell.” . ■ t “Very good,” observed the deteotive somewhere inconsequentially. house, “There’* in plant in this however in‘the ; yon may fake your oath on that, and last place you would ever look for it; so uow I must see the maids.” I was full of suspicions thftt the de teotive himself was a “Plant” tliat would presently blossom mind into a burglar; but my overtaxed refused to l>o*r this burden. If it was so, I would trust to his clemency, to leave me a silver fork or two to carry on the business of life. If this man turned out to be anything lies tliau what ho described himself to t>e, all authority would henceforth lose its effect with me. He had to repent, ‘ So now 1 must seo the maids,” in his unde¬ niable manner, before I could collect myself sufficiently to lead the way to the kitchen. To say the cook "id the kitcheii-maid stared at the phenomena ef onr presence, is to underrate their powers of vision. "Now, I dare say yon have no char good woman nor any temporary assistant, my present,” lady, observed ever, on an occasion like the my companion ur li;\nely the ; “but yourselves. you and ” this woman do all work “That’s true, sir ; we don’t mind hard work now and then,” returned the cook, tossing her head ; “and besides, I don’t like strangers in my kitchen,” added she \ it'i meaning, “especially when I’m busy, and would rather have their room than I could their company.” have given that five woman shillings upon the spot for that rapid discharge of words. The detective’s ton gne was silenced by my domestic needle-gnu, and he retired much dis eomfited. “Now, if I had been an ordinary po liceman, and in uniform,” whispered he to mo, as we reached the hafi again, “I could have oome over that cook in no ti .. Wlthont remarking upon this co.fes eion o{ defeatf i the way to the rnir ,, walked admirirtsrhr fro™ oot to <*& ass£ ™ ^ ^ renounced to be free from suspicion, “But I cannot have seen everybody,” he said decisively. ”T«h” I, “everybody, except Mrs. Maqueechy.” “Friend of the family?” inquired the detective, with a disappointed air. “Well,” said I, “I might sum ret say ®o. She came to us not only with the best of written characters, but my wife hml au interview with her Iste mistress, a Mrs. Ogilvie, who prohonneed her a jierfect treasure; and we ourselves have found her all that could be wished.” ..j sboll f d i lke to see the ‘perfect treas nrp _’ - quoth the detective, smiling grimlv; “wo often find them to be the verv i>eople ^said we want ” “Nay I “bat in this case vour ^uauicions are quite groundless- Mrs. Msqneechv is a superior person, and takes an interest in ns which vou seldom ficd in „ domestic except after rears of service. Besides, she is my mother-in- law’s sick nnrae, and most likely they have already made would their arrangements pity for disturb the night. It be a to them." “I must see Mrs. Maqueechy, ” returned my companion, gravely. “She seems altogether too charming to be missed.” “Ton detectives are clever fellows,” replied I with irritation; “but you often spend your time very fruitlessly. It is a pity that a man can’t be determined, and yet avoid being obstinate. However, since you have gone so far, you shall go through with the business.” With that I knocked at the door, and, admitted to the sick-room, informed my mother-in-law > of what was taking place; while the invaluable Maqueechy retired with her usual delicacy to the dressing-room, Perhaps I spoke a lit— tie too loud—for that Mrs. Maqueechy could stoop to eavesdroping, it is hard to believe—but at all events, that intelli¬ gent woman must have possessed herself of the substance of what I related, for when I opened the door to admit the officer, I found her already had endeavored outside, and in his custody. She to eseape through the second door of the dressing-room—“bolted had like a rabbit,” Baid the detective—but run into the very danger she would have avoided, and there she was with a couple of hand¬ cuffs over her neat mittens. “We know one another very well, me and Mrs. Maqueechy,” observed the detective grimly. “I was told I should find an old friend in this house, although I had no idea who it would be until you mentioned Mrs. Ogilvie. She is very Charitable, she is, in getting her fellow creatures situations in respectable fam¬ ilies where there happens to be a good deal of plate. It was this very night that this good lady here had engaged to open your front door to her husband aud a friend of his, who keeps a light cart in the mews nobody yonder. would Being be a sick riurse, you see, sur¬ prised at her being about the house at all hours. Wasn't that your little game, Mrs. Maqueechy?” * it’s five-year “Well, I suppose a touch ?” observed that lady with philo¬ sophic coolness. “Well, I’m afraid it is, ma’am; since that other little business in Carlton Gardens still remains unsettled. Good by, sir ; you will see Mrs. M. again, once or twice, before yon have donewith her; and in the meantime you fake my advice, sir, and in hiring another sick nurse for your mother-in-law, don’t yon apply to Mrs. Ogilvie.” walked with “perfect And off he our treasure. ” The Yalno of Breen natures. _ Fnrmers , have exceedingly . made- . , an qnate idea of the value of green ma mires. One who will sow his seed and wait patiently for the crop will be too lm P !ltl *’ T1 t to grow a crop of rye or corn or clover to be plowed under to enrich ‘he soil and return its rich harvest an other ;^ar. Another will spend bun dreds of dol ars for purchased manure or fertilizers, but ■will not.spend tens in Knowing a crop to plow into the soil for ‘he same purpose. And there are far ? iers y'° determined to plow ^fider ‘he a fall clover winter sod and with have this top-dressed intention, ? but n bav or hea t when they have 8£ f? a ,° luxuriant . e growth * on the ground, 7 1 ,® eerr *, be ‘ a waste of good , ler aH ,1| ey llavo sa ‘“. aud so fhe Y ' have , waited and have either pastured it or mowed it off and robbed the soil of food which it sorely needed. This would seem quite different if farmers would think of their soil as something to be fed aud supported to enable it to yie d its produce, as muoh as a cow that yields milk or a sheep that yields wool There are some close analogies between our fiel.ls and onr animals. An animal is a machine—if we like to call it so—by which we make salable products from raw materials. It is inexhaustible ior its term of life so long as it is fed; but it is really inexhaustible in faot, be cause, before its useful life ends, it re¬ produces itself several times and simply becomes a link in a chain which we may draw end out indefinitely So without in reaching the of it. that this view of it oven an animal is nnexhaustible so long as it is Wl. And so is the soil and no more and no longer, and, indeed, if it is not fed, a field will be mere dead useless will matter as a starved cow or sheep be. The farmer must think of his land in this way or he gets a wroiig idea of it. He must not neglect to study up the science of feeding his fields as he reads np that of feeding his live stock, He must become acquainted with feed ing tables and rations and kinds of food for the land as well as for animals and nmst provide them liberally. excellent And as clover is accounted an food for stock so it is an excellent food for land, But, at the same time, as there are other fodders which can be used along with clover, or as a substitute when helped ont by more stimulating food, so there are other crops besides clover which may be made to serve as food for the soil. Indeed, the soil is not very exact ingin this respect, although it will never eive something for nothing and sri mis olover foSfrom wliich iroes down deenlv and draws the subsoil and opens its broad leaves to the air and as^Others gathers from that source too, as well which other farmer plants cannot hundred-fold reach, and in so gives to the a re t nn i for the seed and labor he hasex pended. There are other ways of manuring the soil, but among them plowing in of green crops has no supe nor. In — jr-r------- proportion to its size the —---- Isle of Jersey Jersey exports exports as as many many cattle cattle yearly yearly as as are oontained in England. The entire island if squared would be but six and three-quarters miles each way, and yet the census of 1881 gives it 12,000 head of cattle, showing that the breeders of Jersey cattle manage to support one head of Hie fawn-colored dairy cows to each acre yearly—a showing unequaled bv any country in the world. nr the jaws of a shark. A JDlvcr whs had a Little Experience not at all to hi« Fancy, Alfetto, the Spanish diver who has been at work on the wreck of the Atlan¬ ta, near Morehead, thus speaks of an ad¬ venture had by him a few days ago; At the time I was at the bottom of the sea. I was just about to signal to be drawn up for a moment’s rest when 1 noticed a shadowy body moving at some distance above and toward me. In a moment every fish had disappeared, the the sand very crustaceans lay still upon and the cuttle fish scurried away as fast as they could. I was not thinking of dan ger, and my first thought was that it was the shadow of • passing boat. But sud denly a feeling of flee terror seized me. I felt impelled to from something I knew not what. A vague horror seemed ■ grasping after me, such as a child fan- i this cies when time the leaving shadow a darkened had room. By | come nearer ■ and taken shape. It scarcely needed ' a glance to show me that it was a man eater, and of the largest size. Had I signaled then to be drawn up it would have been sudden death. All I could do was to remain still until it left. It lay off twenty or twenty-five feet, just out side the rigging of the ship, its body motionless, its fins barely stirring the water about its gills. It was a monster as it was, but to add to the horror the pressure of the water upon my head made it appear as if pour ing flames from its eyes and mouth, and every movement of its fins and tail seemed accompanied by a fish display of fire works. I was sure the was thirty feet long, and so near that I could see its double row of white teeth. Involun tarily I shrunk closer to the side of the vessel. But my first move¬ ment betrayed my presence. I saw the shining eves fixed upon me; its tail quivered as it dashed at me like a streak of light. I shrank closer to the side of the ship. I saw it turn on one sidff, its mouth open, and heard the teeth snap as it darted at me. It had missed me, but only for a moment. The sweep of its mighty tail had thrown me forward. I saw it turn, balance itself, and its tail quivered as it darted at me again. There was no escape. It turned on its back as it swooped down on me like a hawk on a sparrow. The jaws opened, and the long, shining teeth grated as they closed on my metal harness. It had me. I could feel its teeth grind¬ ing on my copper breast-plate as it tried to bite me in two, for fortunately it had caught me just across the middle, where I was best protected. Having Beized me it went tearing through the water. I could feel it hound forward at each stroke of its tail. Had it not been for my cop f er bjv head would have been orn off by the ruBh through the water, j was perfectly ' conscious, but somehow j felt no terro at all< Tliere was orlly a f ee ]j n g D f numbness. I wondered how long it would be before those teeth WoU f d crunch through, and whether they would strike first into my back or my breast. Then 1 thought of Maggie and the baby, and wondered who would take care of them, and if she would ever know what had become of me. All these thoughts passed through my brain in an j M tant, but in that time the connecting a j r tube had been snapped and my head geemed refl dy to burst with pressure, while the monster’s teeth kept crunch j ng and grinding away upon my harness. Tbeu j {elt tbe co i d W ater begin to pour in and beard the bu bble, bubble, bubble, m tbe ^ e8caped into the creature’s montb- 1 began to hear great guns and to see fi reW orks and rainbows and sun shine ftrtd all killds of pret ty things, then j thought I was floating away on the a r0fiT 8nmmer cloud, dreaming Then to all BOn n d8 G f 8 weet music. be caroe a blank. The shark might have eaten me at h is leisure I never would have been the wiser, Imagine my as tonishment then when I opened my eyes on board this boat and saw you fel¬ lows around me. Yes, sir, I thought I was dead and ate np, sure. Alfetto was found by his comrades a few minutes after the snapping of the air line. He was picked up iu the insensible, metalic with several holes punched part of his diving suit .—Panama Her¬ ald. Soul Buryiug. Whenever an Abchaeian is drowned his friends search carefully for the body, but, if this is not found, they pro¬ ceed to capture the soul of the deceased, a measure which then has become a matter of importance. A goatskin bag is sprinkled with which water and placed with its mouth, is stretched open over a hoop, looking toward the river, near the place where the man is supposed to have been drowned. Two cords are stretched from the spot across the river, as a bridge on which the soul can come over. Vessels containing food and drink are set around the skin, and the friends of the deceased and eat quietly, while a song is aung wlth ... mstmmentAl instrumental •ocompam accomnani t Zmomes , it ia believed is over^the attracted tbe < ' erel ? om€ *> comes omM over on tne “ “ ~ oompiCveo* riteisconsidered ^ of . equivalent , . This value with.the hmiaLof the body.and the grave >s treated wuh the wme lionor 98 d f 6 ^ d f lt_ Popular Scitncc . n y. rhe Publishers of School Books. There are about twenty-five firms in this country that make a business of pub lisbing school books. They do a business of perhaps $8,000,000 a year. If one fifth of the population is of school age a Portion of that fifth does not at tend school, there cannot be more than U ■ c ohool chi.dren in the country. lb. u.iowanceo, a year for the books of taeh scholar is a faff estimate. The pronts are not as huge as is supposed, as M xivnditnre of several hundred thousand do Jars is sometimes necessary f {orc ^ere is any profit from a senes of geographies or readers. THE JOKER'S BUDGET. A FEW NOTES ACCIDENTALLY OYER. HEARD BY THE PHILADELPHIA “EVENING CALL” HUMORIST. NOT SURPRISED. Mrs. D.—“I see by the paper that the girl Oscar Wilde is going to marry has no father.” Mr. D.—“I thought not; and no big brother, either, more’s the pity.” THE CAT OUT AGAIN. Young Alphonzo -“Do you know how to courtesy ?” Little Hell—“Yes, I knows. ” Young Alphonzo—“Well, now stand up. I will bow to you and you it. courtesy ” to me. I want to see you do Little Nell—“But the dancing-master said we must only courtesy to gentle men.” Young Alphonzo—“Well?” > Little Nell—“Pa and ma both told sister you was no gentleman.” no danger. Fire yi ars hal—“I very much fear, sir, tbat additional means of egress will have to be or dered for your church.” Pastor—“And why so, my dear sir ?” pii-g Alarsbal—‘ ‘In case of fire it would be utterly impossible to get the congre bon 0 ut alive.” pastor—“Oh I You are mistaken— verT mueb mistaken, I could empty this church in three minutes.” pj re Marshal—“In three minutes! jjow?” collection.” Pastor—“By taking up a A BAD PIECE OF WORK. “Arid you were unable to arrest the man?” said the Judge to the Sheriff. “Yes, your Honor, he got away from me.” “Did you follow him and shout, ‘Stop thief I’ and call upon outsiders to help you?” “Yes, Honor, I did everything your I yelled ‘Stop thief I’ and possible. him if he didn’t threatened to shoot give himself up, but he paid no atten¬ tion to me.” “H’m,” growled the Judge. “Couldn’t even arrest his attention.” A SENSATION. Jane—“Just look at this. Here is an item in the paper saying that a wealthy Milwaukee man has created a sensation by announcing that he is going to marry his servant girl.” itwud make Bridget—“I should think respectable a sensation. The idee of a gurrul givin’ up her liberty in that way.” Jane—“Yes, and becoming a mere mistress, to take all the blame and get no Bridget—“She pay.” be contint ti ought to i stay as she is and draw big wages and boss the whole house. ” A GREAT DISCOVERY. George — “Oh 1 I have made the blessedest discovery t” electric Harry — “Invented a new mo'tor?” * > < n George—“No; nothing of that kind. You know that charming Miss Blank that I am so madly in love with ?” Harry—“Yes; and your affection is reciprocated, I understand,” George — “Well, I discovered last night that her father and her mother both snore.” Harry—“Why, what is there particu¬ larly blessed about that ?” George- -“What could be more so? There is never any doubt about when they are asleep.” A FASHIONABLE LOCALITY. “You have plenty of houses to rent, I see.” “Oh, yes; I am agent would for a like?” great many properties. What brown stone yon front in “A three-story an unexceptionable locality. I do not care so much particular about the house itself, but I am very about getting into a fashionable and rather exclusive neigh¬ borhood.” •‘I have the very thing for yon. A rather old but very fine house in St. Windsor place.” neighborhood ?” “How about the “It is the most highly fashionable and thoroughly exclusive locality in the city.” “Are of that?” vou sure “Dead certain. The families living there have the malaria all summer and the gout all winter.” A PARTNER NEEDED. “Yes,” said the barber, “business is improving very fast, and the only trouble I have is the want of room. You see I can’t extend this place anii without renting the store next door, that woijld take more money than I can spare. Now, in 1850, when I first come here, old man Johnson—yon remember old man John¬ son, his wife was a Smithers, and his daughter married, let me see, what was his name? It was the same name as the SSsSY? “liS wen, i. win teiA yon now to eet get „ it and popularize your shop at the same time. SMPPMMi How?” °et a partner_a silent partner, „ “Stay East, Young Man.” —A Bangor I correspondent says : “A former Bangor J young man, now fanning in Central Minnesota, writes home to his and cousin be here content in ,5 Bangor Maine. to stay "lie at that he has, after with says a hard year’s work, but two-thirds of a crop of "wheat and less than half a crop 0 f com, the . grain . , having . , been weevils, injured . te that extent by frrst, etc. There is very little lumbering going on this winter, and many men are idle. The inducements to immigrants, rt will be inferred, are not very great. This state of affairs prevails oyer a large area of Minnesota. But it is not so in Maine, people are making a living here, at east.”
