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VOL. E-NO. 44.
kOFI-iTy, Proprietor.
rates -
CAn $2 00
M py°nc .. X 00
,rxV ftlX in° nt * lS ~tr
C ° P I .hrce months 76
Co, ’- T f n ;,biDff five subscribers, with
ny ° n v will’recei ve a copy free.
m on i?' . ui.hine their papers changed
abscribor ■ o^ce to ano ther, must state
1 oDe If ihe post office from which they
-r^ ]ge d. l as well as that to which
wfc , h 7ntions must he paid in advance.
!' 6 ''{per will he stopped at the end of the
! raid for, unless subscriptions are pre
g numbers complete the yeiir,
ca sh advertising rates '
— r mOB | 12 mgs
'-“‘■fYn " 10 J^v
inches.-I ’’ - 1 ir, 00 22 00
i*" 6W 1100 18 00 27 00
infhei '' e6O 14 00 -25 00 3500
jolnnin.. “ 05 00 40 00 60 00
i! u,nn -- 00 no 41 00 62 00 100 00
and deaths not exceeding six
r f mentsto in advance,
Sto schedule rates, unless otherwise
n C fnns°sending advertisements, will state
length of time they wish them published
Vths snace they want them to occupy.
Parties advertising by contract will be re
'ictU to tlieir legitimate business.
T.r.O AI. ADVERTISEMENTS.
,Kill's sales, per inch, four weeks. .$3 50
I mortgage fi fa sales, per inch, &
taUon'for^'letters of administration,
euanlianship, etc., thirty days ...... 3 00
otice to debtois and creditors of an
•state, fortv days •• ■ • •-•••••;
-plication for leave to sell land, four
les'of 1 ian<i. etc., per inch, forty days 5 00
'• “ perishable property, per inch,
te’i (lays • ‘ V ~
nplication for letters of dismission from
Guardianship, forty days. ... ... ■■■■■•’ 1
nplicatiorrfor letters of dismission from
administration, three months.. ( oO
it-iHfehing lost papers, the lull space __
of three months, per inch ‘ uu
omnellinff titles from executors or ad
ministrators where bond has been
given by the deceased, the full space
of three months, per inch ‘
stray notices, thirty days 3 w
ule for foreclosure of mortgage, four
months, monthly, per inch. *>
ale of insolvent papers, thirty days. . . o t U
[omP'tead, two weeks -* * ’
B-u.si33.esi3 Ogt-x 1 cS.s
W. T. POOL, D. S.,
Iroad Street, COLUMBUS, GA.,
W/K i-isit Hamilton and vicinity oncerlfe
lt : c ]j un;m me smnracr. t ->,..
(attended to Plate work and tilling done
n the best and latest styles. Satisfaction
gnamntced, or no charge. mayß-0m
, * mi/WKI.L C R BUSSELL
RUSSELL ct XUS SELL,
ATTORNEYS AT LAW,
COLUMBUS, GEORGIA
Will practice in all the State Courts.
Dr- T- I_i- Jenl^ins,
Ir.:.:: TIST,
HAMILTON, GA.
TIIOS. S. MITCHELL,- M. D.,
Resident Physician and Surgeon,
e,
HAMILTON, GEORGIA
Special attention given to Operative Sur
gtry and treatment of Chronic Diseases.
Terms Cash.
WLDEuTtIGLUTIHIIFT, ~
DENTIST,
COLUMBUS, - - - GEORGIA
Oilice over Chapman’s drug store, Ban
“°ipb st ; near city terminus of N. & S. R. R.
Kespecfnl! 7 offers his services to the peo-
Pb of Harris county. ju2oly
CEA TTAIIO O CHEE HOUSE,
By J. T. HIGGINBOTHEM.
t EST point, ga
HENRY C. CAMERON,
Attorney at Law,
HAMILTON, GA
Hr7~J. W. CAMERON,
HAMILTON, GA.
Special attention to Midwifery. Charges
Moderate.
Hinoa Uozier,
ATTORNEY-AT-LAW
Hamilton, Georgia
nr Wi 'l practice in the Chattahoochee Circuit,
an .vwhere else. All kinds of collections
ft seen—either way.
It ANKINHOUSE
COLUMBUS, GA.
J. W. RYAN, Prop’r.
RUBY restaurant,
Rar and Billiard Saloon,
UNDER the RANKIN HOUSE.
DUO j. iv. RYAN, Prop'h.
Hamilton iKI Visitor.
‘DOMESTIC’
FASHIONS.
All of the latest styles in dress furnished
in patterns cut to any measure—price from
t. nto thirty cents each. Send for Catalogue,
which is free to all.
‘DOMESTIC’
SEWING MACHINE
The most perfect and reliable machine in
the world, and capable of doing work that
no other machine can. Send for prices and
directions how to choose.
‘DOMESTIC’
MAGAZINE.
f
A leautiful Family Journal, published
montilv at SI 50 a year—intended to make
homebappy. Send for specimen number—
price 16 cents. Address
DOMESTIC S. M. CO.,
jul' 6m 27 Marietta st, Atlanta, Ga.
TIFF. T- MOORE,
At Van Riper’s old Stand,
COLUMBUS, GEORGIA
Offers his services as a
1
to all wanting Pictures from card to life size.
Old Pictures can be copied, enlarged anc'
colored in a satisfactory manner, in oil or
water.
'
Lor.g experience and unsurpassed facilities
enable me to offer as good inducements as
any Gallery in the State. All work guaran
teed to suit customers, or no charge, at rates
-asJoi.litSACn .r_.lv leri 1 ™—
J, & l KAUFMAN,
WHOLESALE DEALERS IN
GROCERIES,
Provisions, Liquor, Tobacco,
BAGGING AND TIES,
And all articles in the Grocery Line
and its branches.
We sell as low as any other House
in this city.
Nos. 14 and 1G Broad St., COLUMBUS, GA.
Mr. JOHN W. HODO, of Harris county, is
with us, and will be pleased to sec his frijnds
and acquaintances, and take pleasure in serv
ing them. J. & J- KAUFMAJ.
£B922s2<£-I!IASy9&
MAGIC ERASIVE SOAP,
>
For removing Pitch, Paint, 'Hfr,
Grease and Rosin from Clothe 4
and Carpets.
•
Tills soap will also cure nearly all diseases
of the skin that flesh is heir to. It will mre
a turn or sc-ild fjuifkcr Ilian finy cpici
known remedy. Use it for tetter, rlngwrtm,
salt rheum, fever sores, ulcers, rough shin,
tan and freckles, pimples or blotches on ‘.he
face, erysipelas or neuralgia : also for shaving
and shampooing. It is undoubtedly the finest
article for keeping the skin white and soft
that has ever been manufactured.
I also manufacture a superior article of
Laundry Soap, which I sell at the unprece
dented low price of four and a half cents per
pound—warranted to give satisfaction.
Address M. McKEIGHAN. sole proprietor
and manufacturer, Atlanta, Ga. oct3o-8m
J. H. BRAMHALL,
WATCHMAKER, JEWELER, and
Singer Sewing Machine Ag’t
99 Broad St., Columbus, Ga.
HAMILTON, HARRIS CO., GA„ FRIDAY, NOV. 13, 1874.
A FORTUNE FOR SI!
One Gift is guaranteed to one of every eleven
consecutive numbers,
850,000f0r ONE DOLLAR
®fow is jour rail.
Fortune helps tho; e who help themselves.
500,000 Tickets , at $1 each , num
bered from 1 to 500,000, inclusive.
The exceeding, tj low price of ttekets
brings it toithin the reach of all.
®\h
In aid of Public Improvements m the ci<y of
Denison, Texas.
TT-TEd TURK: AJ3
Gift Concert Ass^.tion
WILL GIVE A GRAND COJi^
THURSDAY, DECEMBER 31,1874
And will distribute to the Ticket-holders
$250,000 IN GILTS.
DEPOSITORY, FIRST NIT. BANK, DENISON.
Distribution to commence immedi itely after
the Concert. Managers of distribution chosen
by Ticket-holders and prominent citizens.
I.TST OF gifts:
1 Grand Cash Gift $ 50,000
1 “ “ “ 25,000
1 15,000
1 10,000
1 5,000
1 2,000
1 1,500
10 .. .. .. SSOO each.. 5.000
20 250 .. .. 5,000
SO 350 .. .. 4,500
50 100 5.000
100 .. 1. .. 60 .. .. 5,000
100 25 .. .. 2.000
200 20 .. .. 4.000
500 10 .. .. 5,000
1,060 5 .. .. 5,000
1,500 24. .. .. 3,750
40,250 1".... 46 250
49,767 Grand Cash Giftsam’nt’g to $200,000
22 prizes in real estate ain't’g to 50,000
49,789 Gifts, amounting to $250,000
REFERENCES.
Knowing that the management of this As
sociation will lie conducted as represented, we
cheerfully recommend the same to the public:
James Leona-d, John Holford. John B Mc-
Dougall, W II Winn, H Tone, ,1 M Cook,
Aldermen city ol Denison, Texas.
Judge Wm D Kirk.
J Nevius, City Treasurer.
W B Boss, Done Star Mills.
E E Fuller, Alamo Hotel.
M Go'dsoll & Cos, merchants.
Wm Hughes, real estate broker.
First National Bank, Deni-on.
Col Frank Schrader, ex-mayor.
Daily and Weekly News, Denison.
Samuel A Cook, real estate broker.
Col T H "Warren, real estate broker,
Chas E Maurice, U S Commissioner.
Col Samuel Brooks, Galveston, Texas.
Jos Perry, Attorney M, K & T railroad.
J W Jennings, ex-postmaster U S Senate.
Col L W Shepherd, Alamo Hotel, Denison
Gen G A Beul, US Army, Ft Griffith, Texas.
Merchants’ and Planters’ Bink, llenison, Tex.
S G Eddy. Division Supt. M, K & T railroad.
Col E J Strang, (j MUS A, Denison, Texas.
Goode Stinnett & Cos, cotton broker*, Denison
E D Chadick, man. Cotton Compress Cos, Dcn’n
A statementof the distribution will he pub
lished and forwarded to ticket-holders, and all
gifts promptly paid a*"ter (he distribution.
GOOD and RESPONSIBLE PERSONS WANTED
to w ork for the interests of this Association.
Libeeal Commissions Allowed.
HOW TO REMIT TO US.
Money should he sent hy Express or Draft,
Post-office Money Order or Registered Letter.
Address all communications to
ALPHEUS R. COLLINS, Sec’y,
oct23-td Denison, Texas.
E- T>. SCOTT & CO,
BANKERS,
3 Exchange Court, NewYork
T-jlToera-l
MADE ON
COTTON.
TO THE TAX-PAYERS OF HARRIS
COUNTY!
Wishing to give all persons who arc sub
ject to pay tax in this county a fair opportu
nity pf doing so, I hereby announce the foi
lowhg appointments:
Goojman’s, September 10. October 8 and 81
Okli', ail's, “ 17, “ 5 Nov 8
Hamlton, “ IH, “ 0 “ 2
Whitfeville, “ 21, “ 19 “ !i
David Von’s, “ 22, “ 20 “10
Whitaker’*, “ 28, “ 21 “1!
Upperltith. “ 24, “ 22 “ 12
Lower Pith, “ 26, “ 28 “ 18
Blue fe|lb)g. “ 2b. “ 24 “ 14
Valiev Pains, “ 28, “ 26 “16
Milne'r’H 2b, “ 27 “ 17
WaverlylHall, “ 80, “ 28 “18
F.llerslie.V ictober 1 and 29, and November 19
Catania, tetober 2 and 80, and November 20
I reapecLully request the land owners to
make out \* scnedule of tbeir did rent (arm
crops, with their names attached, and have
it ready foiyne at mv appointments.
sep4 \ JOHN B. HASTEY, T. C.
J*~VGiD Q'JACKS.
B n i gentleman who has suffered
AfcJßa from Nervous Debility, weakness.
fj etc.,Yhe result of imprudent habits
c mtractedin tenth, and who took medicine
for months Athout obtaining a cure, lias
since cured liWiielf permanently by very
simple sanitary-yules, and an outward appli
ance worn with Die utmost eccrecr ; and so
satisfied is he tilt by the same means every
case can be cur, A treat he will send full par
ticulars free to althat are affected. Aidless
Jons liAi.2, b... 5,-o, I'cYork.
\
Letter from Florida.
Greenwood, Ela., Oct. 29, 1874.
Ei>. Visistok. —Agreeable to prom
ise, I will attempt, this delightful
evening, to write jyou a few lines,
“which leaves me well and doing
well, and hope yen (are enjoying the.
same blessing.” I
W<?arrived in Greenwood or* the
24th inst,, and wena pleased 'to find
some improvements since visiting this
place last. Several pf the storehouses
have been remodeled, aii/1 present
quite a handsome which
add very much to the Apoks of this
beautiful little villago.' k
Crops in this section -nave turned
out much better than*" they did last
year. The twterj/&U wns general
throngin':-'} ll the eonhjy, but did very
little daitdbige. ''Thu continued dry
wetfuuir caused the cotton to shed
much of its fruit, but an estimate oi
at least twenty per [cent above last
year can safely be Counted on, The
corn crop is not so large as last year,
but as the old corn has supplied the
fanners later than heretofore—thereby
saving the early use'ef the present
crop—the production will be ample
to meet the requirements of making
another crop, with probably some to
spare. The cane is much injured by
the continued dry weather during the
summer, and will fall off about twenty
per cent, though, as a general thing,
enough will be made for home con
sumption. Ground peas, potatoes,
etc. are good. u
Mr. William Butler, living near
here, planted four Cuba yam potatoes,
which lie procured from a gentleman
passing through the neighborhood,
from which he gathered seven meas
ured bushels. These are the most
prolific potatoes known, but it is diffi
cult to keep them during the winter.
The caterpillar, drought, rust, and
all other calamities combined, have
not affected the cotton crop in Jack
son near so as the little “catch
alls” that arc set up all over this
country. There are a, multitude of
midnight thieves who lie in wait for
the cotton to be housed, and in many
instanefs take H/Xfm the . field, and
under oovef of mtjlnigra, barter It to
these numerous “abominations.’’
The practice of buying and selling
cotton, and other produce after night
fall should have the condemnation of
every good citizen/ The thieves have
no favorites, and if is the imperative
duty of every If.inner to put a
stop to it; if necessary, organ
ize in each neighborhood, and take
the matter in their own hands. The
thefts are principally by negroes, but
the while man that encourages it by
buying from them is but little, if any,
better than the thief. The election
for senator and legislators comes
off next Tuesday', nml here, like every
where else, a N*are of hungry office
seekers stand ready to make the sac
rifice and do the honors of the State.
“Yours, Truly,’’ attended a regu
lar old-fashioned barbecue in lee in
terest ol the Democratic party, given
last Friday, near Fort Jackson. Col.
Jno. Erwin a cultivated gentleman,
and Democratic nominee, invited
your correspondent to ride down
with him, and on the way we losi
our course, and enquired of a rough
“pine/ woods” fellow if lie could give
us directions. Of course he could.
“You will go to the first house and
take that on yonv right hand, go on a
little furt her and take the next one on
your left baud, go ’till you come to
another one and take that on your
back, then take a half a dozen cross
roads and yotTaTT lost, or J'ifl no
judge.” We thanked “Fluey’’ lor
his kind information and rode away,
soon ,to find that we or the road was
lost; nevertheless wo reached the
place in time to hear some good
speaking and get a fine dinner.
Jno. McKinney, a young lawyer
from Marianna, delivered quite an
able addrfrss: also did Col. Erwin from
Greenwood.
West, a negro M, D., was called
for, and made a spend id speech. Jfe
said that Pin-man, the Radical candi
date for the Eettate, is responsible for
all the blood, both black and white,
that has been spilt in Jackson county,
lie accused him of being the cause ol’
the death of Miss Maggie McClellan,
who was so brutally murdered in
Marianna, and proved him to be a
traitor to both races. Jfe urged the
negroes to act with the Democrats
and vole for their candidates.
Furman is a white man, but is not
half as respectable as the negro
West.
The Democrats are confident that
they will carry the election in this
county, “So mote it be.”
Yours, Truly.
A Visit to the Cave.
Marianna, Fla,, Nov. 3, 1874.
En. Visitor.— There are few, per
haps, that are aware that a great
natural curiosity— a wonderful cave—
is (0 be seen in Jackson county, Fla.
It has been the privilege of
“ Yours, Truly,” to visit this cave,
accompanied by an experienced guide,
and a party of twenty-five*or thirty
ladies and gentlemen. Our guide
was a genteel and accommodating
young man, and endeavored to ac
quaint us with all its subterranean
phenomena.
'The cave is some distance from
any residence, and is in a disagreea
ble swamp,—being near the Chipola
river. There is a nafurnl bridge over
the river, not more than half a mile
from tho cave.
There is a legend connected with
this place—a circumstance in the
time of the Indian wars in Florida.
Gen. Jackson, piloted by an In
dian, crossed bis troops over the nat
ural bridge of Chipola, and camped
near tho cave, all unconscious of its
existence, while at the same time
five hundred Indians were concealed
within.
The next day lie took up his line
of march, and left the enemy to
make theii exit unmolested.
The surface above the cave resem
bles a hillock, and is about ten feet
higher than the adjacent grounds.
This mound is very rugged, being
covered with jugged corners of lime
stone rock, of which there is an
abundance near the cave. The open
ing into the cave is near the top of
the bill, and to go up to it is like as
cending the steps of a largo building
The first entrance is such that none
but humble persons—persons willing
to kneel —can pass. The roof is low
in places, at others extended and
spacious. Among the fir-t curiosi
ties to be seen are the multiform sta
lactites, hanging like icicles from a
wintry roof, formed by the continual
dripping of water, and yet the cave
is seldom very damp. The water is
continually falling with a tinkling
click, yet it. can scarcely be discerned
“ whence ft edineth or wbUfitv it gfcT
etli.” Next is seen the “Lovers
Leap,” a dark, deep chasm immedi
ately in the pass, and can only be
passed by holding to the notched
rocks above. In looking into this
dark vacancy,—there is “ darkness
there, nothing more”—“Yours, Tru
ly,” cast a large stone, which wont
down its reverberating sides with
sepulchral sound, never resting, over
falling, so far as human mind can tell,
to the cell where lies oblivion. This
place is called “Lover’s Leap,” from
the fact that a welcome here is given
to all who crave a calm from dis
appointments and grief, and here no
disquieted dream of unrequited love
can ever rack 1 lie bruin. To “Yours,
Truly,” this appears as a prime de
ceiver, ns nothing but darkness is
hereto welcome the diseonsolatelovcr,
and this can do no more than rest
his mortal frame.
Passing beyond this dismal place,
we find a spacious hall, with walls of
marble whiteness —the ceiling of
which is supported by huge pillars of
all fantastic shapes. One of those
pillars bear the name of Shakspoare,
from its resemblance to the aspect of
that great man.
AVe pass through a small aperture,
and here are apartments which re
semble a church, —the seats, the aisles,
the gallery and the pulpit.. From
this pulpit the merry crowd listened
with great delight to tho mimicry of
a real hard-shell sermon.
Leaving the church, wo climb the
rugged rock, and in the highest point
of the cave , s a beautiful spring, as
cold as ice and clear as crystal. A
basin which holds the water is a cu
riosity. Here the lights were all ex
tinguished, when all was as dark as
daakis ss itself. The young ladies
sang iveral songs, and their voices
sough), out every room and crevice.
The echo and reecho borne r.pon the
pure, cool air was beautiful indeed.
Ag in wo lighted onr candles and
repair'd to the register room, and
here ~-e inscribed our names with
the thousands of others already upon
the walls. The names of many of the
citizens of Harris county are as fresh
as they were when they were inscribed
there twenty years ago. Many of
those who wrote their names upon
these walls are now silent in ihe
grave. All over the wails are seen
myriads of sparkling joins, which,
when crushed, are bin drops of wa
ter contained in hollow spheres ot
isinglass.
These subteraneoug observations
are delightful, but we cannot dwell
longer tunotgf them at this time, so
we wend our way Lack to the en
trance. We bid adieu to the cave,
and to you also for the present.
Yours, Truly. _
A Georgia Rebel.
It is a matter of history, says the
New York Sun, that while Bullock
w is Governor of G orgin, from which
State he absconded in order to elude
the officers of justice, bonds to a
large amount were issued illegally.
After the Bullock King bad been de
posed from power the Legislature of
Georgia appointed a committee to in
vostbnto tho circumstances under
which various descriptions of bonds
were issued, and decide upon the
question of tlieir validity, it being un
derstood that the State would repu
diate all liabilities for the payment of
all fraudulent issues. While tho pro
ceedings growing out of this measure
were in progKess, the holders of some
of the oonlosted bonds sent a retainer
of $5,000 to Gon. Bob. Toombs, with
a request that he should appear be
fore the legislative committee and ad
vocate the payment of the bonds, but
tho unrepentant old rebel refused to
receive tho retainer, saying in effect;
“I don’t want your money. I jm-o
pose to appear before the legislative
committee in the interests of Georgia,
and without, charge toiler, and I will
spend SIO,OOO of my own money to
prevent the payment of your rascally
bonds.”
Please Stop My—What? —We
clip the following sensible hints from
tho Baptist Watchman:
“Times arc hard, and money is
scarce, business is dull, retrenchment
is a ditty—please stop my —’’ Whis
key? “0, no; times are not hard
enough for that. But boro is some
thing else that costs mo a large
amount of money every year, Avhich 1
wish to save. I’leaso stop my—”
Tobacco, cigars, snuff? “No, no,
not these; but I must retrench
somewhere please stop my” Rib
bons, jewols, ornaments and trinkets ?
“Not at all: pride must ho fostered,
if times aro ever so hard ; but T be
lieve I can roc a w-ay to effect quite a
saving in another direction) please
stop my—'” Ton, coffee, and un
healthy luxuries? “No, no, no, not
those, I must think of something else,
/dqi.l luty/ it now. My paper costs
$2,00 a 'year ; I must save thaf!
That, w ill carry me through the panic
easily. I believe inretreiichment and
economy, especially in brains.’’
American Pencil Factory.—Sev
en years of patient study have result
ed in the invention of n series of ma
chines by which Amerf an lead pen
cils aro made, in Jerse City, entirely
by machinery. From he time tho
plumbago and rough strips of cedar
and other woods enter the maeliineiy
until they arc turned out together,
polished lead pencils, ready to be tied
up hi packages, no hand labor is re
quired. The materials used are
American, the plumbago coming from
Tieonderago, New York State, and
i lie Cedar from Florida. The pencils
are made of .five different grades, and
they are said to be of such a,quality
that they can compete at once with
(he best pencils of German manufac
ture. If such bo the case, American
pencils will have no difficulty in find
ing a market, for the process by
which thoy arc manufactured is tho
cheapest in the word.
The D/sgkacj.fi: . Goat,— There is
and old goat ow n;] on Lewis street
which lias received a greht deal of
training from the boys.
Last Fourth of July they discover
ed that if they stuck a fire cracker in
tho end of a cane and held it at Wil
liam, he would lower his head and
go tor them, and they have practiced
the trick so much that the goat will
tackle any human being who points
a stick at him. Yesterday noon he
was loafing near the corner of Third
and Lewis streets, when a corpulent
citizen came up and stopped to talk
with a friend. They happened to
speak of the side-walk, when the cor
pulent eitiz n pointed his cane to the
left of the goat and said, “That’s the
worst piece of side-walk in this to wn.”
Tiie goat Lad been eyeing the cane,
and tlie moment it came up he low
ered bis head, made six or c-igi)t
jumps, and his head struck the cor
pulent citizen just on the bolt. The
man went over into a mass of old tin,
dilapidated butter.kegs and abandon
ed hoop skirts, and the goat turned a
somersault the other way, while the
slim citizen threw stones at a boy
seated ou a doorstep who was laugh
ing tears as big us chestnuts and cry
ing out: “Oh ! it’s nuff to kill a fel
ler ! Detroit Free J A ress.
BffirTbe newspaper is a sermon for
the thoughtful, a library for the poor,
and a blessing to everybody.
$2.00 A YEAR.
WIT and RUMOR.
There is a sly fellow up town who
lias laughed in bis sleeve so much
iliat it lias be tome threadbare.
Births are being announced as
“Our Young Folks for April,” in the
Turner Falls, Mass., Reporter.
Placards on tho St. Louis street
cars declare that “This car can’t wait
tor ladies to kiss good-by.’’
A Georgia paper promises to pub
lish a ‘-thrilling cereal.** Its readers
will make an oat of it.
If a man is killed by his hired man,
should tho coroner render a verdict
of “killed by his own band?’*
Value the friendshiji of him who
stands by you in storm ; swarms of
insects will surround you in sunshine.
Macbeth must have been a tobacco
chewor, as his way of life had fallen
“into the sear and yellow leaf.”
Two horns will last an ox a life
time, but many a man wants that
niuuhei every morning before,break
fast.
Why is a London milkman like
Pharaoh’s daughter? Because lie
takes a little profit out of the water.
Juynesville lias an educated jig
called Ben Butler. There is a chance
for a libel suit,—on tho part of tho
1%-
Why do women talk less in Febru
ary than in any other month ? Be
cause it iR the shortest month in the
year.
A New Jersey paper boasts of a
new subscriber one hundred and three
years old. Wo shouldn’t call him
very new.
The Democrat at Mayesville, Ky.,
announces the marriage of James
Legget, of Buckskull, to Sally Drink
ard, of Buckshort.
“Don’t count your chickens before
they are batched.” Enumerate not
your adolescent pulle ts ere they cease
to be oviform.
An agricultural paper recommends
a quart of brandy to cure the stag
gers. We havo thought brandy was
the cause of staggers.
“This engine won’t work,” said a
fireman to the chief of the fire depart
ment. “No wonder,” was the repfy;
“it was made to play.”
The difference between a tale-bear
er and sealing-wax is, that sealing
wax burns to keep a secret and tie
tale-bearer burns to tell one.
The editor of a Nashville paper is
accused by his neighbors of having
caught cold while sleeping in church
with his pew door open.
Sidney Smith was once visiting tho
conservatory of a young lady who
was fond of her flowers, and used
(not very accurately) a profusion of
botanical names. “Madafne,” said
be, “have you the si plonk psoriasis?”
“I had it last winter, and gave it to
the Archbishop of Canterbury, and
it came out beaulif dly in the spring ”
Soptenis psoriasis is tho medical name
for the seven years ilch.
An exchange has an acquaintance
who remarks that he Las oftenjieard
the proverb, “A friend in need is a
friend indeed,” but ho nays lie can’t
seo where the laugh comes in. He
has a friend in need who is always
borrowing money of him.
“Do you know why you are like
the third term?” said Susan Jane to
her brother, who lingered to talk
with her Adolphus after the old folks
had retired. “Ho, I don’t.” “Weil,”
replied his saccharine sister, “it’s be
cause yon are one too many-.
A negro insisted his race was men
tioned in tho Bible, for be had heard
tho preacher read,. “Nigger Demus
wanted to be born asraiu.’*
“I v.a< on the trail of a doai,” re-
market! a young man who had trod
on the trail of a beautiful maiden’s
dress the othar night.
° •
A young man charged with bein
lazy, waa asked if he took it from his
father. “I t hink not,” was the reply;
“father’s got all the laziness he ever
had.”
A little follow tumbled into a foun
tain and managed to crawl out before
any one reached him. Pale and
dripping he was put to bed, and
wheu his mother requested the young
man to thank God for saving him,
Young America answered: “I ’spose
God did save me, but then I held on
to the gw ass, too.”
An Illinois woman who wanted to
go to a masquerade party dressed as
Mary Queen of Scots, looked through
the Bible to see how the character
was dressed. |