Newspaper Page Text
“Miscellaneous.
The Irascibility of a Poet .
We copy the annexed article
from the N. Y. Spectator.
It partakes largely of the
spirit of M’Donald Clarke.
He h a strange genius, hut
notwithstanding all his fol
lies, possesses many excel
lent qualifications both of
head and heart.
Album ,
Original Repartee. —A cer
tain poet, who has written
tome of the best Stanzas , and
some ol the ivorst lines of any
American bard; and who for
some particular eccentricities,
(hut which he has at length
thrown aside,) has been reput
ed mad , being some time since,
In the Assembly Hoorn, at the
City Hotel, was interrupted in
his ‘dreams of fiction* by a
stranger, who thus accosted
him:
‘la your name C e?’
C——e is my name. 1
‘I have come a great dis
tance, sir, for the express pur
pose of seeing you.*
‘lndeed! And do you consid
er yourself amply remunerated
for the fatigue of along journ
ey, by a view of my delectable
person?’
‘Yes—you are a strange
looking creature. I have heard
much of you. Some people
say you are mad! and I have
heard a number of ladies assert
that if you paid proper atten
tion to your dress, you would
be a very pretty man.*
A pretty man! Now, by
Heavens, sir, 1 consider that
one of the most rascally com
w
pliments they could have paid
me. A pretty man, sir, (like
yourself, for instance,) is, in
my opinion, one of the most
contemptible objects that ever
came from the manufactory of
Heaven!*
‘Why so, sir?*
•Because, sir, the epithet im
plies the absence of all that is
manly—-They might as well
apply the term to the Ocean
in a storm, an eruption of Mt.
JE ua, or the falls of Niagara.’
‘Well you are really a;
strange fellow; and in mv o
m
pinion, a greater knave than
fool.*
‘Do you think so, sir? 1 re
all v wish that I could recipro
cate the compliment. But I
am certain that no trait In your
character will hear anv com
panion with your sillvness,
Which like \aron‘s rod nr Iha
roah k s lean kine, swallows up
all the rest*
‘Y>u are severe.*
•You say that you have come
a great distance for the ex
press tmrpnse of seeing me as
you would go to see a Bear, an
Elephant, or a Hottentot Ve
nus?*
‘Yes. *
‘Now sir comply with the
terms; fifty cents a sight.*
‘lndeed! Well, there.* ( Gives
him the money.)
‘Stay sir, take back 25 cents
—children half price!’
‘Again! Why you show no
mercy to one who is anxious to
serve you.*
‘To serve me? Then unite
your fortunes with mine. Ev
ery wild beast that is exhibit
ed in this city, is accompanied
with a monkey.’
The stranger finding the po
et ‘to much for him,’ as the
pugilists say, and perceiving
that he was no more deficient
in feeling than in wit and tal
ents, begged his pardon foi
having so rudely intruded up
on his meditations, and was
about retiring, when the poet
returned the rc9t of his money,
and taking him by the hand,
assured him, that as impudence
and ignorance are always unit
ed, he could very safely par
don his presumption.
THE OLD MAID'S DIARY.
At the age of fifteen she is
anxious for coming out, anti
the attention of the men. At
16, begins to have some idea
of the tender passion; 17, talks
of love in a cottage, and disin
terested affection; 18, fancies
herself in love with some hand
some man who lias flattered
her; 19, is a little more diffi
cult, in consequence of being
noticed: 20, commences fash
ionable and dashes; 21, still
more confident in her own at
tractions, and expect a brilliant
establishment; 22, refuses a
good offer, because he is not
a man of fashion; 23, flirts with
every young man she meets;
24, wonders she is not marri
ed; 25, rather more circum
spect in her conduct; 26, be
gins to think a large fortune
not quite so indispensible; 27-
prefers the company of ra
tional men to flirting; 28, wish
es to be married in a quiet way
I with a comfortable income; 29,
almost despairs of entering the
married state: 30, rather fear
ful of being called an old maid;
81 an additional love of dress;
82, professes to dislike balls,
finding it difficult to get good
partners; 33, wonders how
men can leave the society of
sensible women, to flirt with
chits; 34 affects good humour
in her conversation with men:
85, jealous of the praises of
women; 86 quarrels with her
friend, who is lately married;
87- thinks herself slighted in
society; 38, likes to talk of
her acquaintances who are
married unfortunately, and
finds consolation in their mis
fortunes; 89, ill nature increas
es; 40, very meddling and offi
cious.— N: B—A growing pen
chant; 41, if rich, as a deinier
resort, makes love to a young
man without fortune; 42, not
succeeding rails against the
sex; 43, partiality for cards and
scandal commences; 44, se
vere against the manners of
the age; 45, strong prediction
for a Methodist parson; 46,
enraged at his desertion; 47,
becomes desponding and takes
snuff; 48, turns all her sensibil
ity to cats and dogs; adopts a
dependent relation to attend on
her feline and canine nursery;
50, becomes disgusted With
the world, and vents all her ill
humour on her unfortunate re
lation!!!
The Scotch are very in
quisitive people. Their vari
ous questions are deemed ob
trusive, and are carried to a
great length. Two gentlemen
fell in together, both travellers
on horseback and strangers to
each other, when the follow
ing conversation took place:
‘Raw evening, sir,* rather ob
served the one, with an Aber
deen accent ‘You will likely be
a stranger in these parts,’ con
tinued the Aberdeman: ‘lf I
can laconically replied the oth
er, looking neither to the right
hand not to the left. ‘Per
haps like myself, you may he
going to Baud?’ ‘Perhaps,* re
sponded the other, yawning.
In that case, perhaps, you will
‘ put up at Cullen?’ ‘I may, or I
may not,’ answered his com
panion-—‘Pardon me in the
liberty of the question, sir, may
I ask if you are a bacheler?’
1 ‘No,’ Oh! married, I beg your
: pardon, I may have uninten
-1 tionally touched upon a painful
’ subject; your black dress ought
to have checked my inquiries;
I beg your pardon sir—a wid
ower?’ No, no, no.’ Neither
a bacheler, nor a married man,
nor widower; in Heaven‘s
name, sir, then, what, can you
be?’—‘A divorced man, and be
and and to you, since you must
know!’exclaimed the stranger,
clapping spurs to his horse,
and dashing out of sight in an
instant.
Reasons for Emigrating. —A
Scotch gentleman, in the
warmth of natural veneration,
was praising Scotland for the
cheapness of provisions; a
’ salmon might he bought for
• saxpance, and a dozen maeker
al for twapence—And pray
Sir asked one of his listeners,
how come you to leave so
cheap a country? In gude truth
mon, replied the Scotchman,
although the fish is plentiful e
nough saxpences and tvva
pences are unco scarce.
AGRICULTURE,
In order to disseminate extensively
the many advantages whiih must flow
from the developemeot of new resources
and valuable improvements in the Agri
cultural World, it is reasonable to pre
sume, that a proper medium for the accu
mulation and distribution of practical
knowledge, must prove of the first impor
ance. A periodical publication, devotetd
to these purposes, if conducted with spir
it and industry, cannot prove otherwise
than eminently useful.
Under these impres.-ions, the publishers
have determined on oflciing to the Agri
cultural community, the
FARMERS MAGAZIXE,
as a repository of useful information’
satisfied that they cannot render to their
ountry a more valuable service, or betterc
ontnbute to its permanent prosperity,c
han in subserving, as they hope to do, itst
agricultural interests.
The leading feature of this publication
will besustained by our own ample resour
ces, united to the promised contributions
of several Agricultural Societies, and
the assistance of distinguished agricultu
rists in this and other States.
The Literary and Scientific Depart
ment will be conducted by a gentleman,
heretofore editor of a popular literary
journal.
In furtherance of their views, the pub
lishers solicit original contributions on
Agriculture, Horticulture, Rural and
Domestic Economy, &c. and the co-oper
ation of agriculturists and the friends of
agriculture throughout the country, to
whom is respectfully submitted the foi
lowing,
PROPOSALS FOR PUBLISinXG
In the City of FhiLdelphia Fa.
THE FARMERS’ PRACTICAL
MAGAZINE/
Or, Agricultural and Lit ei ary Caxele.
The FARMERS MAGAZINE is de
signed to contain information drawn
from authentic sources, relative to the
improvement and management of remark
able Farms; sources of manure; number
and kind of stock: Farming Utensils/
Laborers, Dairies, kc. Agricultural Im
provements, Drawings and Descriptions
of useful inven'ions; Critical Notices
and Reviews of such publications as may
tend to the interests of the Husbandman:
Improvments in the Breed cf Domestic
Animals Accounts ol suth Foreign and
Domestic ‘Frees, Shrub*. Vines, Plants,
Seeds, and Grains, as are considered ne
cessary or useful for Subsistence, Com
fort or Ornament, with information rel
ative to their treatment, growth, requisite
kind of Soil, and, in short, w hatever may
tend to increase tile product ot the soil
and advance the iural economy of the
country.
Insertion will always be given to such
Reports, Addresses, and Papers as may
be communicated for publication by the
several Agricultural Societies of this and
other States.
A Land Register will contain, as far as
practicable, a list of Farms which are
uovv, or may hereafter be for sale, ac
count of their size, situation, quality, and
such other particulars as may be deemed
useful.
Space will be afforded for the solid ard
sterling beauties of Literature, the useful
Arts and Sciences, Chemistry, Natural
History and Philosophy, Biography, and
Travels, State of the Markets in the prin
cipal Seaports, &c. &c.
>C7*TERMS —The Farmers’ Maga
zine will be published semi-monthly; the
price is three t dollars per annum, payable
either at the time cf subscribing, or on
receipt of the first number. That form
and size has been adopted, which is
deemed most convenient for binding,
while the quality of paper, the beauty of
the type, (entirely new,) and the general
execution of the work, will be such, as it
is hoped, will reflect credit on the pub
lishers, and gatify its patrons.
Address (post paid) THOMAS C.
CLARK, Agent for the Proprietors, No.
48, Makel-gtreet, Philadelphia*
OSrEditors copying the above, may
contribute to the interests of an invalua
ble science, and will receive a copy of the
wt>*k.
THE CABIXET
Is published every Saturday , by P. L.
ROBIXSOX , JFarrenton. Geo. at
three dollars per annum , u hich may he
discharged by two dollars and fifty
cents if paid within sixty days of the
time of subscribing.