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remorse.
Ah. lips he
A STROKE OF GENIUS.
„ Elicited <!.e Admlra-
Oulv a few summers ago, among the
many others that visited the wild re-
K ioD adorned by one of Michigan’s in
land lakes, was an artist. He had a
wealth of scenery from which to select
and chose a picturesque view with a
hill of rocks and jack pines as a back
ground. The owner of the property
transferred to canvas did not think
much of the enterprise or of the man
who would dawdle away Lis time in
such an undertaking, but the artist
paid the summer rates without a mur
mur ami never entered any complaints
against the accommodations The next
season the painter was again among the
guests
“How did that there picter of yours
come out. anyhow?” asked the curious
landlord.
“Oh. fairly “well Y u 1-. w that I
have my name to make y-.-i I sold it
for SI,OOO. ”
“No,” exclaimed the farmer excited
ly. “not SI,OOO. You’re chaflin me.”
“Not a bit of it.” laughed the artist,
“I got SI,OOO for that little view before
there was a frame on it.
“Shake, stranger 1 alias thought I
was purty slick on a dicker, but I’ll be
doggone if you don’t take the prize.
You skinned that feller slick and
clean. ”
“Howso!" indignantly, for his pride
was touched.
“Oh, don't play innercmt with me
It won’t go no further. But you done
him brown A thousand fur that spot
where you couldn’t raise a bean to the
acre! If the critter that bought that
picter had seen me. I’d a sold him the
bull durn farm for $275.” —Detroit
Free Press.
Tn the Tap Root of «n Oak.
1 remember a curious incident con
nected with the tap root of an oak.
This oak, a good tree of perhaps 200
years’ growth, was being felled at
Bradenham wood when the woodmen
called attention to something peculiar
on the tap root. On clearing this of soil
we found that the object was a horse
shoe of ancient make. Obviously in
the beginning an acorn must have fall
en into the hollow of tin's cast shoe, and
as it grew through the slow genera
tions the root tilled up the circle, car
rying it down into the earth in the
process of its increase till at length we
found wood and iron thus strangely
wedded. That tap root with the shoe
about it is now or used to be a paper
weight in the vestibule of Bradenham
Hall.—Rider Haggard in Longman's
Magazine.
Pure Water a Poison.
By •‘chemically pure water” we
usually understand perfectly fresh, dis
tilled water. Distilled water is a danger
ous protoplasmic poison. The same
poisonous effects must occur whenever
distilled water is drunk. The sense of
taste is the first to protest against the
use of this substance. A mouthful of
distilled water, taken by inadvertence,
will be spit out regularly. The local
poisonous effect of distilled water makes
itself known by all the symptoms of a
catarrh of the stomach on a small scale.
The harmfulness of the process, so much
resorted to today, of washing out the
stomach with distilled water is ac
knowledged. —National Druggist
Official Lampposts.
'-The placing of lampposts in front of
the houses of the chief magistrates of
towns is an ancient custom. We find in
Heywood’s “English Traveler” that
posts were so placed in front of sheriffs'
houses. Reginald says
What brave carved posts! Who knows but hero
In time, sir, you may keep your shriovaltio
And I be ono o’ th’ serjants?
From sheriffs, the practice extended
to the houses of mayors and provosts.
It has been suggested, with some prob
ability, that the posts were at first in
tended for the afflxingof proclamations
which it was the duty of the sheriffs to
publish.
A Forgetful Spouse.
Mrs. Bilkins —I never saw such a for
getful man in my life as you are The
clock has stopped again
Mr. Bilkins—That's because you for
got to wind it.
Mrs. Bilkins—You know very well,
Mr. Bilkins, that I told you to remind
me to wind it, and you forget about it
—New York Weekly
Her .Mistake.
“How did it happen that Miss Single
ton refused to marry the young clergy
man ?”
“Why, when he proposed to her she,
being a little deaf, thought he was ask
ing her to subscribe to the organ fund.
So she told him she had promised her
money to some other mission.” —Har-
per's Bazar
Proud of Ills Reticent.
O'Brien—And so Phelim is proud av
his descint, is he?
McTurk—Yes. he is terribly stuck up
about it
O'Brien—Well, begorra. Oi've a bit
av a descint meself to boast about Oi
descinded four stories wanst whin the
ladder broke and niver shpilled a brick
—Answers
Not Yet.
“Are you related to each other?' in
quired the probate judge at Oklahoma
City of a German bridal couple bearing
the same name. And the groom replied
“Nein. Das is vat’s de matter. Ye
vants to be alretty. ” —Kansas City
Journal.
Over 2,000,000 bottles, of the value
of $3.>,000, are recovered each year from
the dustyards in London and returned
to their owners
THE JUDGE SELLS A HOUSE.
lie Pleaaea Two Men and Waken n
Very Fair Com ni Ims I on.
The judg. has 1 . n in an extremely hap
py frame of mind f..,r several days. In ad
dition to his judicial duties he sells ami
rents real estate. It was a good strike of
business in the selling line that made him
feel that life was not all a hollow sham.
Across tjio street from his office is a
three story building, with a saloon on the
ground floor. The owner w anted to sell,
and ho placed the property in the judge’s
hands. Ills honor soon found a purchaser.
An agreement was signed reciting that on
a certain day “the party of the second part
would pay to the party of the first part”
so many dollars, and "in consideration of
such agreement ” the sum "t so much was
paid, “said suiy to lie forfeited to the par
ty of the first part” if the “party of tiro
second part” did not fulfill t lie contract.
A few days before the balance of the
purchase money was to li»: paid the attor
ney for the “party of the second part"
called on the judge and told him that his
client would be unable to meet the pay
ment on tho day specified and asked that
he get an extension of ono month.
“I don’t think that can be done, ” said
the judge. “Your client signed the agree
ment, and as the owner wants tho money
on tho day named ho has the legal right
to pocket your forfeit.”
The lawyer admitted tho correctness of
tho judge’s ruling, but begged his honor
to fix tiie matter in some way, adding as a
clincher, “There’ll bo SSO in it for you.”
“Well, I'll see what I can do,” replied
tho judge, and the men parted.
Now, the judge has not lived in his
neighborhood for 20 years without learn
ings good deal. He knew that every house
on the block in which the house he was
trying to sell stood overlapped the adjoin
ing IL inches. The builder of tho first
house had made the error, and every other
builder took his lines from that house and
built accordingly. So tho judge sent for
the owner of the house.
“There’s the very dickens to pay about
your house,” lie said to the man. “P. has
had the lot surveyed, and ho found that
your house is one and one-half inches over
the other lot. He threatens to throw- the
whole shooting match up, sue you for the
recovery of his deposit and raise a deuce
of a row all around. ”
Os course the unfortunate “party of the
first part” was in a state of mind. Ho
wanted to know what could be done. The
judge didn’t know. He had plenty to say
about the matter, but it did not ease the
mind of the owner. Then came a hint
that the trouble might bo arranged. The
owner seized tho hint. It would take at
least a month, tho judge thought.
“Nevermind the time,” said the per
plexed owner. ‘ Extend the agreement as
far as is necessary, but for heaven’s sako
fix things up Uy the way, there’s SSO in
it for you if you succeed. ”
Three weeks later the “party of tho first
part” and the “party of the second part”
signed papers transferring a house and a
lot, the lot being described as “about 25
feet front more or less. ” The judge’s gain
by tho transaction was ns follows:
Bonus from the party of the first part $53
Bonus from tho party of the second part... &Q
One per cent us sales agent’s commission
from tho owner 60
One per eent as purchasing agent's com
mission from the buyer 60
Total $220
—New York Commercial Advertiser.
A Miniature Set.
The fraud division of tho postoffieo de
partment is having trouble in suppressing
a concern which advertises a parlor furni
ture set for sl, which proves to be a toy
set which would be dear at 10 cents. Tho
advertisement states that it is a miniature
set of throe elegant pieces of furniture, up
holstered with plush of any- color desired,
with handsome metal finish, etc., and giv
es an accurate picture of two chairs and a
sofa. The set comes by’ mail in a paste
board box four by four inches and is exact
ly like the illustration, which is in reality
nearly actual size. Tho framework Is of
pewter and the upholstering cotton plush.
It is evident that tho many people who
send orders either do not notice the word
miniature or else are ignorant as to its
meaning and suppose it to signify some
quality of beauty or lightness or some stylo
of workmanship or finish. The fraud di
vision is puzzled as to how to operate
again.-.; these people, as the wording of the
advertisement is a fairly accurate descrip
tion of the article, and technically they are
not misr< presenting their goods
Admiral Cervern’fl Watch.
A Kansas volunteer, Lieutenant W. A.
Bettis, now- has in his possession the Span
ish Admiral (’ervera’s watch and chain.
Ho obtained them from tho pilot, Joso
Baca, who guided tho admiral’s flagship
out of Santiago harbor on that fateful
morning of last July’ 3.
When Admiral Cervera had called for a
pilot to volunteer for this hazardous task,
Baca was the only ono to respond. The ad
miral praised him for his bravery and,
taking off his own watch and chain, had
given them to the pilot on the spot.
In the disastrous sea fight that followed
the pilot Baca was wounded. He managed
to swim ashore and made his way to tho
American lines. He there met Lieutenant
Bettis and had offered him the watch for
money enough to take him homo to Barce
lona. The watch is diamond jeweled and
has the coat of arms of the admiral's fam
ily on the outside of tho ease and on the
inside the name “Pascal Cervera.”
The Sent of the Soul.
Understanding by “soul” tho highest
intellectual faculties, it is worth consider
able trouble to find out where these func
tions are located. Savages believe that they
are in the liver or the heart, cynics suggi st
that they are in the stomach, phrenologists
place them in the front part of tho brain,
but the most advanced physiologists are
now inclined to teach that the posterior
cerebral lobeshave the highest intellectual
value.
Dr C Clapham's arguments to this
effect arc that man has the most highly
developed posterior lobes,and these arc con
spicuous in men of marked ability and in
the highest races In idiots the lobes are
imperfectly developed, and in chronic de
mentia these portions of the brain reveal
frequent 1.-sions Numeroqs authorities
are quoted in support of these and allied
statements. —D G Brinton in Science
Au Enterprinlncr Ph; Kleini».
Even the doctors have enterprise and can
do all *■ rtsof brilliant things without vio
lating the ethics of their noble profession.
Take the ease of one in Ogden avenue,
whose illumined bay window serves to
... the ivintitl wayfarer who
rtiay* around that neighborhood at night.
This window t- v. 1- in all the splendor
i.ml distinctness of gorgeous, sharp cut,
. •.:• 1;.. J 1-t’ r-’ ’ itm: “Physician
I tn- .--.ml Is. ititss :> Specialty ’
v- -- . -samasr
BABY’S PHOTOGRAPH.
An Example of V, but the Man of th®
Camrra Endure*.
A young photographer, when asked
what sort of subjects presented tho
greatest difficulties to him, replied
without a moment's hesitation, “Ba
bies ’*
"For instance,” be continued, "I
took photographs of a Jittie 10-montbs
old fellow the other day in six different
positions. Yesterday I sent proofs to
bis mother, and today she brought them
tn.
“ ‘l’m sorry,’ she said, without any
obvious grief, ‘but none of these nega
tives will do.'
“ ‘Not one of the six?’ I inquired,
though I was prepared for what was to
follow.
“ ‘No,’ she said, ‘l’m afraid not.
You see, I like this one very’ well,
though, of course, it doesn’t do baby
justice, but his Aunt Ellen says it’s an
absolute caricature of the dear little
fellow. The one she likes I don’t care
for at all, and his papa says he should
never know for whom it was intended,
it looks so cross, and baby is such a sun
shiny child.
“ ‘The ono ho likes, this smiling one,
I shouldn’t consider for a moment, for
it makes baby’s mouth look so much
larger than it really is.
“ ‘His grandmother chose that ono,
but as Cousin Fanny said, there’s a
very queer look to the child’s eyes in it
—very queer! However, she likes that
one where he’s almost crying, that so
ber ono. You ought to have heard ba
by's grandfather when she said she
liked it.
“ ‘Ho really decided tho thing, for
what he said seemed so sensible. He
asked me why I didn’t have some more
taken and see if there wouldn’t be at
least one that would really look like
baby. Now, when can he sit again? It’s
hard for me to spare tho time, but you
see it is the only thing to bo done!’ ”
Glasgow Herald.
STROKES OF A RAZOR.
flow Many Do Yon Suppose It Tnkei
<0 Shave a Man?
“Now that you’ve finished shaving
me, how many strokes of the razor did
it require?” asked the man in she chair,
as ho straightened up to have his hair
combed.
“That’s pretty bard to tell, ” said the
barber.
“Os course it is. But you’ve been in
the business how long?”
“Fifteen years.”
“You ought to know by this time
about how many strokes of the razor it
requires to shave a man, supposing that
you go over his face a second time.”
“I might make a guess at it.”
“All right. What’s your guess? Re
member that I have a hard beard.”
“Well, I should say about 125."
“You’re a good guesser, I don’t
think. Some time ago I got into the
habit of counting the strokes of a razor
every time 1 was being shaved. It’s a
good way to employ your mind. In
shaving me you just made 732 strokes
with the razor. ”
“I wouldn’t have believed it. ”
“No man believes it until he takes
the trouble to count. In my easel never
knew tho number to fall below 500,
and it has gone more than 800 at times.
I call it a stroke every time the razor
is brought forward and then drawn
back. I should judge that there are no
fewer than 500 strokes in a first class
shave. You remember that, and proba
bly you can win a few bets. ” —New
York World.
Bank Impertinence.
The Philadelphia Record tells of an
old Pennsylvania farmer who recently
came into possession of a check for
S2OO. It caused him a great deal of anx
iety, and for a long time he could not
muster up tho courage to have it cashed.
Finally, while on a trip to town, he
summoned up nerve enough and, stroll
ing into the bank, presented the check.
Tho teller glanced at it hastily, and
then, after tho fashion of his kind,
brusquely asked, “What denomina
tion?”
“Lutheran, gol durn it! But what’s
thet got tew do with it?” as brusquely
replied the old farmer, to the great as
tonishment of the Bank official.
It required several minutes’ explana
tion before the teller could get the old
man to understand his question, and
then the latter took his money and de
parted, with sundry growls derogatory
to banks in general.
Equal to the Occasion.
In 1840 a great convention was held
in Baltimore by the young men of what
was then known as the Whig party for
the purpose of ratifying the nomination
of General William Henry Harrison
for the presidency. There was no hall
in the city large enough to hold the
crowd of delegates who attended. The
convention accordingly met on the Can
ton race track, and when tho great
Whig orator of this state, who was
chairman of the Y'oung Men’s national
committee, arose to call the meeting to
order he was bo impressed by the vast
ness of the assemblage before him that
instead of the usual formula he ex
claimed, “The nation will please come
to order!”—Baltimore Sun.
An 111 m u 11.
A Caribou (Me.) man lately wan
dered into a remote hotel that doesn't
keep a dictionary, and on coming down
in the morning was asked by the land
lord how he rested.
“Oh,” replied the gentleman, "I
suffered n arly all night with insom
nia!”
The landlord took offense at this and
roared, “I’ll bet you $2 there ain’t one
in my house!” —Exchange.
Wisdom In 41 XutflheJl.
Human life is like a game at dice
where we ought not to throw for what
is most commodious to us, but to be
content with our casts, let them be
never so unfortunate. —Plato
FOOD THAT INJURES.
THIN n THAT AFFLICTED PERSONS
SHOULD NOT EAT.
If Y<»a Have h Tendency to Gout,
Shun Meat a® You Would Torture,
A Little Advice to the Great Army
of Sufferer® From Dynpepnla.
A physician, writing in the Phila
delphia luquirc-r cn “Foods and Their
Effect on the Human System," says:
That out of sorts feeling from which
most of us suffer half the days of our
life is usually due to our eating things
wo shouldn’t. Although we are con
structed in the same model, scarcely
any two pecj 1? have exactly the same
kind of heart, liver and other organs
and as a rrsr’t nothing is truer than
the saying that “On man's meat is an
other man’s pci-ton. ’’
Meat, for instance, is a slow poison
to a number of individuals. If there is
a gouty strain in your family, you are
storing up future torture for yourself
every time y i> . . a -hep or piece of
beef. Gout ly ; result of too
much uric acid in tiie blood, and meat
is full of the material from which uric
acid is made.
You may think that so long as you
have not to sit in an easy chair all duy
there is no need for precautions iu diet.
But the first symptoms ara always
mild, and if you feel irritable and un
able to settle down to work you had
better bo careful how much meat you
eat. Englishmen are said to be the
worst tempered people on earth. They
are also the most gouty, and there can
be no doubt that they are the greatest
meat eaters.
Nothing is more nourishing than
sugar, yet it is absolutely poison to
those who are prone to diabetes, and
any one inclined to corpulency should
regard it as a natural enemy. Two
lumps of sugar per day in excess of the
quantity required by the body would
add (JO pounds to a man’s weight in five
years—that is, of course, if he had the
sort of constitution that easily puts on
flesh.
But it is not sugar alone which is in
jurious to diabetic and stout people.
The former should not look at porridge,
rice, beet root, Spanish onions, port
wine, rum or ginger beer; the latter
should take neither soup, beer, potatoes
nor treacle, while gouty people should
not touch peas or beans.
If any near member of yonr family
has St. Vitus’dance or epilepsy, you
should eat meat very sparingly and
grapes not at all, while you might as
well think of committing suicide as fre
quenting the barroom.
For dyspeptics it is impossible to say
what food is good, because everything
is bad. White bread remains undigest
ed for hours, brown bread is most irri
tating and injurious, vegetables are con
verted into gases and painful acids, and
most kinds of meat are too heavy. The
dyspeptic, in fact, ought never to have
been born.
However, since the sufferer from dys
pepsia must eat, let him follow this rule,
and it may bring relief: Eat a little of
everything, but eat sparingly, never
leaving the table with a scuse of hav
ing eaten sufficient; eat slowly. Masti
cate all food thoroughly and never drink
while eating. If he must drink, let him
drink after he has finished eating.
No doubt the majority of people see
no connection between their ailments
and the breakfast or dinner which they
have enjoyed. But there are many per
sons who are so severely affected by par
ticular articles of diet that there is no
question about the fact that some kinds
of food are more or less poisonous to us
all, although we may not suffer very
greatly after eating them. An acquaint
ance of the writer’s, for example, falls
into convulsions if he eats a single
strawberry, and even the odor of straw
berry jam in the neighborhood of jam
factories almost throws him into a fit.
The writer knows a lady whose heart
comes to a stop if she eats an egg. Os
course she never intentionally eats one
now, but frequently on taking a piece
of cake or some kind of pudding or
sauce containing eggs she swoons.
Many people get cramp in the stom
ach from eating honey, and more than
one death has resulted from this cause.
Others are made violently sick by the
smell at apples, and a patient of the
writer's has often averred that even the
sight of beet root seemed to suffocate
him, while another had to give up
drinking milk because it produced in
tense inflammation of the eyes.
Many kinds of fish cause serious ill
ness. Lobsters and crabs produce most
painful itching in some people, and the
writer has known several who after eat
ing salmon felt a horrid taste in the
mouth, and soon after suffered so badly
from headache as to bo compelled to go
to bed.
These latter are the extreme instances
of injury from food, but they prove that
thousands of people suffer in a less de
gree, and that probably no one can
lunch or dim: without swallowing some
thing poisonous to his system.
Tragic.
Scene—A railway carriage.
First Artist—Children don't seem to
me to sell now as they used.
Second Artist (in a hoarse whisper)
Well, I was at Stodge’s yesterday.
He had jqst knocked off three little
girls' heads, horrid raw things, when a
dealer came in, sir, bought ’em direct
ly, took ’em away wet as they were on
the stretcher ami wanted Stodge to let
him have some more next week.
Old Lady (putting her bead out of
the window and shrieking) Guard,
stop the train and let me out, or I’ll be
murdered!—Loudon Tit-Bits.
A German hist! rian directs attention
to the fact that in the middle ages the
Mediterranean was connected by a
canal with the Bed sea, and that it
l.’/ otbe Mohammedan powers had u
pr ■ t re' ui! i::.. litis predecessor of
the fcm z canal.
ICASTORIA
