The Montgomery monitor. (Mt. Vernon, Montgomery County, Ga.) 1886-current, April 15, 1886, Image 1
mt JNMttgmntrjt ithmitor.
U 0. SUT T ON, Editor and Proper.
The United States government is the
•greatest printer and publisher if ‘iv
world. The number of publieao nts is
sued annually amohnts to slyout 2,500,-
'00(1, of which about *OO,OOO are bound
VtiUunes.
I , 4
Mr. Osborn, the only cocoanut ‘planter
.in the United Sttites, hj* recently ro
■ceiwrl by ship from Africa 150,000 co
•coanuts. These tire to he planted this
yt-tir along s '/trip of sea coast many miles
in length toward the southernmost point
of Florida.
t -
So well is the law enforced, savs the
'Mobile Register, that, ‘"while there are
some Southern, communities where the
practice of y iug concealed weapons
still majority, including our
own city, Tire troubled with only a few
offenders of this kind.”
Queen Victoria has received * present
from the United States of a quarto
volume, bound in •ealskin, with linings
of damask satin and a hand-painted in
scription. The work is regarded as a
triumph of American book-binding, and
•copies have been presented to the German
■emperor and the emperor of Russia.
'ltie queen’s copy lias been placed in the
library at Windsor Castle.
There is a marked contrast between the
temperature at the surface and in the
depths of the mines on the famous Corn
stock lode, Virginia City, Nev. While
severe winter weather is prevailing out
side the heat is so intense in the lower
levels of the mines that «the workmen,
•who have no clothing on but overalls and
heavy brogans to protect the feet, can
work only for short intervals.
The introduction of large quantities of
bogus butter and “oleo oil” in England
has roused the dairymen of Great Britain
to ask for legislation t hat shall insure the
sale of the stuff upon its merits and for
just what it is. Last year there were ex
ported from this country nearly 40,000,-
SOO pounds of bogus butter and oleo oil,
■and England received a share of it.
There has been laid before the council of
'the British Dairy Farmers’ association
and referred to a special committee a bill
providing that all imitations of butter
■“shall be called by names clearly and
entirely distinguishable from the word
‘huttec’ and from any compound modi
fication or derivation of the word;” that
all manufactories of bogus butter in
Great Britain shall be registered; that
bogus butter shall not be colored in imi
tation of real butter, and that the bogus
products shall be sold under their right
names.
The possibilities in the way of the
utilization of steam, it may be assumed,
are pretty well ascertained. It has been
of inealcuable value in bringing civiliza
tion to its present poiut; but we do not
expect any new developments from it.
But the possibilities of electricity no one
can gauge. New phases of its usefulness
are being demonst rated with great rapidi
ty. The power to send messages by in
duction from fast moving railroad trains
is the latest valuable discovery that is
entering upon common use. This is done
•by throwing the words through the air,
as it were, to the wires which take them
to their destination, and the process is
reversible. Mr. Edison says that they
can he thrown thus nearly six hundred
feet, and through balloons, at an eleva
tion of a little over three thousand
feet, twenty-five miles. There is so
much of the unknown quantity still
about electricity that it would be a rash
undertaking to define its limits as a ser
vant to man.
In a recent lecture Professor Sumner
expounded his views on the subject of
socialism, which he regards as one of the
most important questions of the present
day. He is opposed on economic
grounds to every form of socialism except
that where co-operation is voluntary.
The co-operative commonwealth, which
ig the system that modern socialistic re
formers are advocating, where every one
would be compelled to co-operate, he re
gards as a tyranny and a system that
could never under any circumstances be
established so long as human nature re
mains what it has been in the past his
tory of the world and is to-day. The
progress of the race within the last cen
tury has been greater than in any 1,000
years previously, owing to the invention
of labor-saving machinery and the dis
coveries of modern science. He says
that modern civilization has make proba
bly 50,000,000 of the 1,500.000,000 peo
ple on the globe to-day comparatively
well off, and adds that the socialists
want towip mit what little progress has
been made because the whole work of
civilization has not been accomplished
and made them all well off. Things
mustbeleftto adjust themselves natur
ally, he thinks.
Mr vkrnon. Montgomery p<> <; v mi ukpay, \i»ril is, itw«.
V* Is Wttinated that one-half of al
American men above the age of thirty
!t:v partially bald; and. «« ’ . i'ter
istic is one of most likely to be
tynn-inO'-od trora father to son, it is fair
‘.a suppose that a few generations lienee
adult Americans with hair on their pate 3
will be rare. The excessive mental ac
tivity of our people is believed to be the
chief cause of this baldness; bn* t 1 e'eat
cal authority advise* hg&iftst wearing the
hat so euediftiiously, as many men do,
and *iie wearing at any time of an un
venlilated hat,
A comparative table of the strengths
of the merchant navies of the. world,
which has just been published In Fritrics,
shows that Great Britain jVossesses 22,-
500 trading Vessels, with an aggregate
•nriftage of 11,200,000. Os these vessels
4,64!) are steamers, with a tonnage of
5,010,000 tons, or rather more than half
the grand total of burden. The United
States makes a very bad second, with
6,600 sail and 2,700,000 tons. Norway
has 4,200 vessels, with 1,500,000 tons,
and Germany, which comes next, has
3,000 sail, with a total of 1,400,000 tons;
France, Italy and Russia bring up the
rear, each with less than 3,000 vessels.
The powerful and enduring influence
exerted upon American “heirs” by stories
about enormous estates in England to
which they are entitled is again shown by
the fact that 300 of the Lawrcnce-Town
ley “heirs” held a meeting in Detroit and
indignantly rejected as unworthy of be
lief the statement procured from ottr
minister to Great Britain that there is ill
England no Lawrencc-Townley estate,
nor nuy known family of that description,
nnd that there is a Townley estate which
has been held for a long time by its pro*
prietors, who arc protected by law, and
against whom no one offers any claim.
Owing, however, to this statement, the
lawyers appear to have changed the name
and location of the property, although its
value remains at the old sum of $800,000,-
000. Once it was the Chase estate, then
the Chase-Townley, and the Lawrence-
Townlcy. Hereafter it is to be the Per
egrine Edward Townley estate, and th
“heirs” are to be represented by William
11. Stewart and S. H. Blake, of Toronto.
The vigor of the association which the
“heirs” have formed affords a remarka
ble example of the credulity of persons
who probably exercise prudence and
common sense in their private affairs,
but who really believe that they can get
possession of this “estate,” which lies on
the surface of the moon, and in no other
place.
The luxurious New Yorker is apt to
know very little of the miseries of his
fellow townsmen,says a correspondent of
the Cincinnati Enquirer. Two men were
smoking one afternoon in the Union
League club. One was William Waldorf
Astor, who had just been elected a vice
president of that wealthy organization,
and the other was Tom Saunders, a fel
low member. Their cigars suggested to
them the cigarmakers’ lock-out. Their
weed was of domestic brand, and Astor
suggested that it would be interesting to
find out by whom, how and where those
very cigars had been rolled. Dr. Ham
mond was present, and he declared that,
if all the relations of mind to matter
were perfect, it would be actually possi
ble to see in the smoke that was curling
upward views of the manufacture of
cigars. His theory was scarcely dernon
stratable or refutable;but it was possible
to see the scenes in all tangibility, and
the next day was devoted to the freak of
doing so. By tracing the cigars from
wholesaler to retailer, thence to the man
ufacturer, and finally to the original
worker, the investigators finally got into
an upper tenement in Marion street,which
is a thoroughfare of poverty. Therein
jived a family of Polish Jews, whom the
stoppage of employment had already
plunged into abject want. They got
some dollars from their visitors, and tha fc
is all the knob there is to the story, un
less something of a climax of interest
was reached in the knowledge that the
cigars for which the millionaire had paid
twenty-five cents apiece had not cost in
wages and materials more than four.
Os the Earth.
He was mashed on fair Finetta,
From the moment he first met her;
So exceeding
Her high breeding,
And her proud patrician way;
Ar.d he soon upon her waited,
His fond love reciprocated;
And this sappy
Was as happy
As the brightest summer day.
But one day the youth benighted,
Out to dinner her invited,
And tis bootless,
Idle, fruitless.
To attempt his grief to tell,
When -lie ordered -alt-cod shredded,
Liver, abbage, pork chops breaded.
Mashed potatoes,
Htewed tomatoes.
And dams fried ia crumbs as well!
“St B DEO FAC 10 FOE TITER."
I.HriS iR TOO BRIEF.
is too brief it seems to me—
To fight, fall out or disagree;
To fret the heart and waste one’s time
In warring words or angry rhyme;
To mourn fond hopes before they flee.
To sit with folded hands—to see
The nether side continually t
Reproach a stijile- (s mirth it crime!
Life is too brief.
Calm, kind, serene and peaceful be,
And, growing passe gracefully,
Accept time’s kindly frost and rime,
The heart lie merry as a chime;
Nor lianish joy and jolit.y—
Life is too brief.
—Robert O. Fowler, in Detroit. Free /Vein.
—
MV I liIEND MKHUTRIEIi.
I.
I was at one time employed in a gov
ernment office. Every day from 10 until
4 o’clock I became a voluntary prisoner
in a depressing office, adorned with
yellow pasteboard boxes and filled with
j the musty odor of old papers. There t
breakfasted on Italian cheese ttnd apples
which I roasted at the grate ; t react the
morning papers, even to the advertise
ments; I rhynied verses, and I attended
to the affairs of state to the extent of
drawing, at the end of each month, a
salary which barely kept me from starv
ing.
I recall to-day one of my companions
in captivity at that epoch. He was
called Achilla Mcurtricr. and certainly
his fierce look and his tall form seemed
to warrant that name, lie was a great,
big fellow, about forty years old, With
out too milch chest Or shoulders, but who
Wore felt hats with wide brims, short,
but ample coats, large olairl trousers, and
red neckties under rolling collars. He
xVore a foil beard, long hair, and was
very proud of his hairy hands. The
chief boast of Mcurtricr,otherwise the best
and most amiable of companions, was to
trifle with an athletic constitution, to
possess the biceps of a prize-lighter, and,
as he said himself, not to know his own
strength. He never made a ges
ture even in the exercise of his peaceable
profession that did not have for its object
to convince the spectators of his pro
digious vigor. Dill lie have to take from
its case an empty pasteboard box, he ad
vanced toward the shelf with the heavy
step of a street porter, grasped the box
solidly with a tight hand, and carried it
with a stiff arm as far as the next table
with a shrugging of shoulders and frown
ing of brow worthy of Milo of Crotona.
lie carried this manner so far that he
never used less apparent effort even to
lift the lightest objects, and one day
when he held in his right hand a basket
of old papers I saw him extend his left
arm horizontally as if to make a counter
poise to the tremendous weight.
I ought to say that this robust creature
inspired me with a profound respect, for
I was then, even more than to-day, phys
ically weak and delicate, and in conse
quence filled with admiration for that
energetic physique which I lacked.
The conversations of Mcurtricr were
not of a nature to diminish the admiration
xvith which he inspired me. Above all,
in the summer, on Monday mornings,"
when he had returned to the office after
our holiday, he had an inexhaustible fund
of stories concerning his adventures and
feats of strength. After having taken
off his felt hat, his coat, and his vest,and
having wiped the perspiration from his
forehead with the sleeve of the shirt to
indicate his sanguine and ardent temper
ament, he would thrust his hands deep in
the pockets of his trousers, and, stand
ing near me in an attitude of perpendicu
lar solidity, begin a monologue some
thing follows; .
“What a day, my boy! Positively no
fatigue can lay me up. Think of it.
Yesterday was the regatta at Joinville-le
Pont. At 6 o’clock in the morning the
rendezvous at Bercy for the crew of the
Marsouin; the sun is up; we jump into
our rowing-suits, and seize the oir and
give way—one-two, one-two—as fur as
Joinville; flier, overboard for a swim be
fore breakfast; strip to swimming draw
ers, a jump overboard, and lookout for
squalls. After my hath I have the appe
tite of a tiger. Good. I seize the boat
by one hand, and call out, ‘Charpentier,
pass me a small ham.’ Three motions in
one time, and I have finished it to the
bone. ‘Charpentier, pass me the flask.’
Three swallows, and it is empty.”
So the description would continue—
dazzling, Homeric.
“The hour for the regatta—noon, the
sun just overhead. The boats draw up in
line on the river before a tent gaudy with
streamers. On the hank of the mayor,
with his scarf of office, gendarmes in yel
low shoulder-belts, and a swarm of sum
mer dresses, open parasols,and straw hats.
Bang! The signal gun is fired, the Mar
souin shoots forward of her competitors
and gains the first prize, and no fatigue.
We dine at Creteil. How cool the even
ing in the dusky arbor; pipes glow in the
darkness, and moths singe their wings in
the flame of the omelette au kirsch. At
the end of a dessert served on decorated
plates we hear from the ball-room the call
of the cornet. Take places for the quad
rille! But already a rival crew, beaten
that same morning, has monopolized the
prettiest girls. A fight! teeth broken,
eyes blackened, ugly falls and whacks
below the belt; in a word,a poem of phys
ical enthusiasm, of noisy hilarity, of ani
mal spirits; without speaking of the re
turn at midnight on crowded platforms,
with girls whom we lift into the cars,
friends separated, calling from one end of
train to the other, and fellows playing a
born upon the roof.”
And the evenings of my astonishing
companion wen- not less full of adventure
than his holidays. Collar-and-elbow
wrestling in a tent under the red
light of torches, between him, simple
smateur, and Dubois, the iron-man in
person in! ciinses neat the mouth of
sewers with dogs ns fierce as tigers san
guinary encounters at night in the most
dangerous qrarters with ralliaus and
nose-enters were the most insignificant
episodes of his nightly career. Nor do l
dare relate other adventures of a more
intimate character, from which, ns the
writers of an earlier day would say in
noble style, (t pPu the least timorous
'would recoil with horror.
However painful it maybe to confess
nil unworthy sentiment. T am obliged to
say that my admiration for Meurtrier was
not uhmixed with regret and bitterness,
perhaps with envy. But the recitation
of his most mnrvoloug exploits had never
awakened in me the least feeling of in
credulity, and Arehille Meutricr easily
tookMif* place HI niy mind among heroes
and demigods, bet weed Rtflnnri tttnl
l’irithous.
At this time I was a great wanderer in
the suburbs, and I occupied the leisure ol
my summer evenings by solitary walks in
those distant regions, ns unknown to the
Parisians of the boulevards as the coun
try of the Uaribhrcs, and of whoso som
ber charm I endeavored later to tell in
vCtse.
A u (veiling In July, hot ami dusty, at
the hour when the first gas lights were
beginning to twinkle jn tile misty twi
light, I was walking slowly frmtt V«ugi
rard, through one of those long and de
pressing suburban streets lined on each
sidc'by houses of unequal height, whose
porters and portresses in shirt sleeves
and calico sat on the steps and imagined
that they were taking the fresh air.
Hardly anyone passing in tho whole
street; perhaps a mason, white with
plaster, :1 ftelgeanl ft" ville, It child carry
lng home a four-pound low liirgfcr than
himself, or a young girl hurrying on in
lint and cloak with a leather hag on her
arm, and every quarter hour the half
empty omnibus coining back to its place
of departure with the heavy trot of its
tired horses.
Stumbling now and then on the pave
ment, for asphalt is an unknown luxury
in these places, I went, down the street.,
tasting all the charms of a stroller. Home
times I stopped before an enclosure to
watch through the broken b lards tho
fading glories of the setting sun, and tho
black silhouettes of flic chimneys thrown
against a greenish sky. Sometimes
through an open window on the ground
floor 1 caught sight of an interior, pictur
esque and familiar; here a jolly looking
laundress holding her flat-iron to her
check; there workmen sitting at tables
and smoking in tho ground door of a
cabaret, while an old Bohcniian, standing
Isfose them, sang something about
liberl \*i accompanying himself on an old
guibr.
! uddonly T stopped.
One of these personal pictures lmd
caught my eye l>y its domestic and charm
ing simplicity. She looked so happy and
peaceful in her simple little room, the
dear old lady in her black dress nnd
widow’s cap, leaning back in an easy
chair covered with green Utrecht velvet,
and sitting quietly with her hands
folded on hyr lap. Everything around
her was so old, and seemed to have been
preserved, less through a wise economy
than on account of hallowed memories,
since the honeymoon with monsior of the
high complexion, in a frock coat and
(lowered waistcoat, whose oval crayon
ornamented the wall. By two lamps on
the mantel shelf every detail of the, olil
fushionod furniture could be distin
guished, from a clock on a fish of artifi
cial and painted marble to the, old and
antiquated piano, on which, without
doubt, as a younggirl, with leg of mutton
sleeves and with her hair dressed a la
Grecque she played the airs of Komag
nesi.
Certainly a loved and only daughter,
remained unmarried through her affec
tion for her mother, piously watched
over the last years of the widow. It was
she, I was sure, who had so tenderly
place'! her dear mother, she who had put
the ottoman under her feet, she who had
placed her near the inlaid table and ar
ranged on it the water and two cups. I
expected already to see her coining in,
carrying the evening coffee, the sweet,
calm girl, who should be dressed in
mourning like the widow and resemble
her very much.
Absorbed lay the contemplation of a
scone so sympathetic, and by the pleasure
of imagining that humble poem, re
mained standing some, steps from the
open window, sure of not being not iced
in the diAkv street, when 1 saw a door
open and there appeared oh! how far he
was from my thoughts at that moment—
my friend Meurtrier himself, the formid
able hero of tilts on the river and frays iri
unknown places.
A sudden doubt crossed me. I felt that
T was on a point of discovering a mys
tery.
It was he indeed. His terrible hairy
hand held a tinv silver coffee pot, and
he was followed by a poodle which
greatly embarrassed his steps—a valiant
and classic poodle, the poodle of blind
clarionet-players, a poor beggar’s poodle,
a poodle clipped like a lion, with hairy
ruffles on his four paws, and a white
mustache like a general of the gymnase.
“Mamma,” said the giant in a tone of
ineffable tenderness, ‘ ‘here’s your coffee,
I am sure that you will find it nine to
night. The water was boiling well, and
I poured it on drop by drop.'
“Thank you,” said the old lady, roll
ing her easy chair to tin* table with an
air; “thank you, my little Achilla. Your
dear father said many a time that there
was not m v equal at making coffee—he
was so kind and indulgent, the dear
good man but I begin to believe that
you are even better than me.”
At that moment, and while. Meurtrier
was pouring out. the coffee with all the
delicacy of a young girl, the poodle, ex
cited no doubt, by the uncovered sugar,
placed his forepaw* on the lap of his
mistress.
“Down, iWoitbf*” she cried, with n
benevolent indigiiftl'ioYi "Did miyom
ever sec such a troublesoWV '(tthnnl '■
l.ook here, sir! you know very well .'ltd!
your master never fails to give you (be
hot of his cup. By the way." said the
widow, addressing her son. “you have
taken tho poor fellow out, have you not !
“Certainly, mamma,” lie replied, in a
tone that was almost infantile. “1 have
Jllst been to the creamery for your morn
iitg (tillit,; mid I put the leash and collar
oif Medor and biok liitn with me.”
Reassured on this pHnf, Important to
canine hygiene, the good ti. u TOi,‘ drank
her coffee, between her son nnd hei dog,
who each regarded her with an inexpres
sible tenderness.
Il was assuredly unnecessary to sec or
bear morn. I bad already divined what
a. peaceful family life, upright, pure and
devoted, ibf frjoftd Meurtrier had under
his chimerical gffsC'Mtades. But the
spectacle with which chanM Ini' I favored
me was at once so droll and so on•< hlng
that I could not resist the temptation so
watch for some moments longer; that in
discretion sufficed to show me tho whole
truth.
“Yes, this type of roisterers, this
athlete, this despot of bar rooms and
public lonises, performed, simply and
courageously, In these lowly rooms in tho
suburbs, the sublime duties of a sister of
charity. This intrepid oarsman had
never, made a longer voyage than to con
duct his mother to church every Sunday.
This trainer Os Dull 'logs was the submis
sive slave of a poodle.
4 •
111.
Next morning on arriving at the Office
I asked Meurtrier how lie had employed
the previous evening, and he instantly
Improvised, without the least hesitation,
Jtn qCcottnt of a sharp encounter on the
boulevard, where lie bad knocked down
with a single blow o’s lint list, having
passed bis thumb through the ring of bis
keys, a terrible street rough.
I listened, smiling ironically, and
thinking to confound him; but, remem
bering bow respectable a virtue is which
is hidden even under JNI absurdity, t
struck him on the shoulder, find said with
conviction: “Meurtrier, you life tt hero. 11
—From the French.
Poppy Pul turn.
It is probable that very few owners of
flower gardens are aware that the pop
pies cultivated merely for ornament will
produce opillm. When the flower petals
have fallen, leaving (lie seed capsule
bare, if an incision be made 111 I bat body,
a sticky juice will exude. This juice is
opium. It varies in certain chemical
qualities, according to the country in
which if is cultivated, arid the variety of
plant from which it is produced.
Although the plant will grow in al
most anv climate, it is in India that if *»
! most satisfactorily cultivated, the opit/nf
revenuo of that country being derived
from two sources, those of Malwa and
those of Bengal.
When the land has been plowed and
harrowed, the poppy seed is sown at the
end of October, or the beginning of No
vember. Hix pounds of seed are sufli
cient for the third of an acre. As soon
as if begins to germinate, as it. does in a
week after sowing, the land 1b divided by
furrows Into rectangular beds, about
I eight feet in length by four lit breadth.
These channels are Used for Irrigation, as
the plants need frequent watering, some
times requiring it until tin' crop is ma
tured. About seventy live ‘ days after
germination, the flower appears, audits
four petals are gently removed, on the
! third day after their expansion, to be
pasted together with tho leaves destined
to form the outer shell of the
opium cake. In course of eight or ten
days, the capsules are lanced at, night,
and the juice which has exuded from the
incisions is scraped off in the morning,
with a small scoop, and transferred to a
metal or earthen vessel. This process is
three or four times repeated, at intervals
of two or three days, and the result is
erode opium. The bower petals and the
plant leaves and stalks have also a con
siderable value for packing purposes; the
thicker portion of the stalks are used by
the peasants for llre-wood. The crude
opium, having been gathered, is stored
by the cultivator, and watched, that it
may remain free from mold or taint.
At the end of March, or the beginning
of April, when the weather is furiously
hot in Bengal, the cultivators, carrying
their opium, obey a summons calling
them to meet the deputy agent of their
village. There the opium is tested, paid
for, and taken into the possession of the
government. Finally the opium paste is
made into cakes, dried, pocked in boxes,
and removed to Calcutta, for sale by auc
tion.— Youth'll Comjnui ion.
Sky-High Millionaires.
The young Vanderbilts I mean Cor
nelius and William K., the present heads
of the family have “gone at. it” aH if
they meant to double the fortunes their
father left them right speedily, writes a
New York correspondent of tneCirn in
nutti Commercial thuette. Indeed, I
don’t see how they can help it. Cor
nelius Vand'-rbiit is forty now, and he in
worth, 1 suppo . at least, $80,000,000,
perhaps more. This, at compound in
terest, should double every twelve years,
which would make it no less than SOIO.-
000.000 when Cornelius is seventy-six. It
would increase» good deal faster than
that at the inter'-t which he is to-day
receiving on Ins stock and bonds, but
there will come panics, reverses, per
haps, and he cannot safely count on
making more than $460,000,000 in
thirty six years. Cornelia first vice
president of the New York Central rail
road and head of finance; William K.,
is second vice-president and master of
tanrsportation.
There are 531 of the Passamaquoddy
Indians new in Maine, all of whom are
farmers.
VOL. I. NO. it.
AN EASTERN apologue.
.Melik, (ho Kultnn. lin'd nVO> *•"»
N‘»ld.«l at noon on.his di van.
Hosin'" Mw> fountain lingered near %)
Jamil, the bMAf. and the vizier—
Old Yusuf, sour and’ hard to please.
Then Jamil sang in wordfc UUn chase:
Slim is Butheina—slim is she
As the Houghs of the Araka troel
“Nay,” quoth the other, teeth between
“I>>nn, if y, i will —I call her leu»
Sweet is Butheina -sweet as wine,
With smiles that like rod Hobblee shine 1
“True- by the Prophet!" Yusi/f said;
“She makes men wander in the headt”
Dear is Butheina- aht more dear
Than all the maidens of Kashnaoorl
“Dear," came the answer, quirk as thought—
“ Pour—and yet always to bo bought’
IHo Jamil ceased. But still life’s page
Shows diverse unto Youth aud Ago:
And—lie the song of ghouls or gods—
: Time —like tlio Hultan, sits, and nods.
—Austin Dobson.
HUMOR OF THE DAY.
Business in astronomical circle* is look:
Ing up.
The latest instance of absence of round
—The dude.
The heaviest mash on record was when
truth was crushed to earth. —Mew York
Journal.
If, seems a little strango that when we
I afe tired we can best rest easy by retiring.
— Merchant- Traveler.
In Missouri they call a brass-band eon
\ cert a success when the leader escapes
with his life. Turk.
Lemonade may help a man along fairly
well, but it is the “slick” in it that causes
him to stumble.— l.i<'e.
“All moil a r <! born free and equal," but.
thedifHculty is that some are bom equal
to half a dozen others. Life.
The “fresh” young man finals consider
able difficulty in earning bis salt because
ire needs so much of it. -Mew Yorh J&ur
nal.
A student of human nature says any
thing can be sharpened. IV. a lead
pencil in a woman’s hands and see. -fling
ha niton. /iep uhlicu n.
The end of the week comes rolltogjrouud
Anil brings the only chance,
Fat Mary Ann to take the time
To mend her hubby’s pants.
Kaleidoscope.
Architecture is called “frozen music,”
Iml some bui Id iogs look as il the orchestra
bad been struck with a heavy frost when
they were tuning their instruments.— Botr
ton Bulletin.
FATIKNf’K I’KIIHOr*IKIKb.
Ho nevor npoko /i word;
But with a Kink of cUwpf'Ht I'hfihi unholy
Ho sat, like IVittomo, on nil olloinan,
Watching for his wifV to put her l»onnofcorr
Lynn Hem.
“Mr. Smith,” asked the professor of
natural history, “which animal exhibits
the greatest susceptibility lor attaching
itself to the human race?” Smith re
flects: “Ah er r rer I think the leech,
professor.”- Nan York Mail.
“Does your wife talk in her sleep?"'
asked one married man of unotlier one
•lay when they they were emuparing
notes. “I don’t, lie awake to ee, ' re
plied the heartless husband; “but she
talks all the rest of the lime, so I rather
guess she does. Somerville Journal.
“Ahl” remarked a young ral, uh the
steel trap closed on his leg, “I wasafraid
we would have a cold snap before morn
ing.” “True,” said a wise cat, who hap
pened along, “and we may now look for
considerable activity in the fur market.”
And, sure enough, tile- lur began to My
at once.- Ilrookl'/n Sajlc.
HHJC WOI) Ml.
Deep In her eyes of bon die blue
I s/iw the love light slime ;
“Bweet love,” i softly (inked, “will yon
Be mine? ’
Hhe raiHOfl her hear! am! hrenth«:fla' X
Mel’ eyes Wl(ll tears m e wet.
And blit hi ugly she made reply,
“You lx.it.
Money’s Worfli.
“Does it ever occur to you,” said a
cash bookkeeping- man to bis friend,
“bow much more you are get! ing for sir
money now than when we L m . o.i $1 f.
a week, twelve or thirteeo years ago?
Look at it. You had to dre -■> then pretty
nearly as well as you do now. I will
venture to say you eouldu t get a pair of
trousers then that suited you for less than
$lO or sls; you get the same thing now
for $8 to $lO, and yon ran get for $5
trousers that would have eost at least $lO
then. The suit you had to pay $lO to
SSO for then costs you SBO to day. Yot.
can buy all the New York papers if you
arc a newspaper man and read news
wholesale —for twelve or fourteen rents,
and the bundle left nothing of a quarter
then. As for books—well, there weren’t
any books that cost less than $1 in 1872,
and now a dollar bill covers a fairish
library. Just look at the way good
ready-made shoos have come down in
price, and as for shirts and pood under
clothing, you ought to find out what
they cost -before the panic.’ ” “Well,"
rejoined the non-cash bookkeeping man,
wiio promptly gave up these conundrums
in price, “what 1 want to know is what be
comes of the money I am unconsciously
saving?” “You had better go, home and
look around and try and remember how
bare houses were before 187f> brought in
art decoration, for one tiling; and for
another, notice that you see ten dress
coats where there was one a dozen years
ago. You are living better for the
same money, my boy. That is all.”—
Chilailf.lphw Tress.
Queen Marguerita. of Italy, makes reg
ular visit to the charitable asylums named
in her honor,