Newspaper Page Text
Out o’ Tune.
Why, hello, Bill! How are you
today?
Very well, thank you. You
well, I guess.
O yes, moderately.
Say! Have you heard the latest
news?
No. What is is? Carrie Sims
got married?
No, not exactly that. You
know old man Wilkins went to
town the other day and bought j
his daughter a new piano, and
when he got home with it John
Evans’ little boy, Clarence, was
over at his house, and when thev
got it unloaded and placed in the
parlor, Calline, she sat down and
played a piece or two, to try it.
And Clarence, he says, “Miss
Calline, what makes this thing say
toom-loom-toom ?”
Why! says Calline, “there is a
little boy in there and when you
press these keys he turns over
and over and kicks some strings
that is stretched across from one
side fo the piano to the other.”
And you know as soon as Clar
ence could get the chance, he got
the claw-hammer, the monkey
wrench, and the coal-chisel and
he knocked and busted the top of
the thing to see that little boy
turn over, and he got it out o’
tune.
About that time Calline came in
saw what he had done, jerked up
a sproutfand wore him to a fraz
zle and said, “you get home as
quick as you can, you little brat.”
Clarence, he lit out up the road
a-yelling and a-bawling as loud as
he could; and old Miss Evans she
come running out and says, “What
ails you, Clarence?”
“Miss Calline, she whipped me
for nothing,” he said. I’ll teach
them Wilkins’ whose children they
whip for nothing,” she says; and
off down the road she comes, as
mad as a wet hen. She walks up
to oldJMiss Wilkins and says, “I
want to know what you all mean
a-beating up my child for noth
ing.”
“For nothing,"you say. Come,
see what|he]has gone and done,
and you will say he needed it.
So off they went to the parlor to
see what he had done.
“No, sir, my Clarence, he never
done that, he never, and you all
just telling something taint so ev
ery time you say he did.”
And in the*melee that followed
old Miss Evans, she received a
gash in the side of her head which
required six stitches to sew up,
and is in bed now from it. She
says old Miss Wilkins hit her with
the sewing machine. I don’t
know myself.
Well, old man Evans and old
man Wilkins, they had it good
fashion down to the town the
other day. Both got arrested and
had to pay a fine of $lO apiece for
disorderly conduct, and got bound
over to the State court for assault
and battery, besides. Poor fel
lows. And, you know, both of
them are mighty big church mem
bers, and hold responsible places
in the Sunday school. Now,
neither one will have anvthing to
do with the Sunday school, and
it has gone slam dead.
The preacher he said the other
night that all this trouble was
caused by the little lie that Calline
Wilkins told Clarence Evans.
And, you know, that made old
man Wilkins’ boys mad, and now
they have run him off and dared
him to ever put his foot back in
that community again.
Now, neighbor, what is it all
about? Simply got out o’ tune.
The devil, through the little in
nocent liejthat Calline told Clar
ence got the piano out of tune,
laid old Miss Evans up with the
sore head, got old man Evans and
o'd man Wilkins into trouble, has!
made life-time enemies, killed the j
Sunday school, split the church,
and run the preacher off. Be
hold how great a matter a little
fire kindleth.
Yes, John, that reminds me of
old man Simon Stewart’s caper he
cut some two or three years ago.
You may have heard about it for
all I know, but I will relate to you
anyway. It was like this: Old
man Simon was awfully fond of
cantaloupes, and he thought it
was about time some were get
ting ripe. So. one day just about 1
dinner time, he took a notion he
would have some for dinner. Off
he he went to the patch to get
some.
What did he find on his arrival
at the patch?
Why he found that the chick
ens had found it, and had scratch
ed up his vines-frightfully and had
pecked great holes in every canta
loupe that was big enough to be
seen.
He started back toward the
house the worst disappointed
man you ever saw; had a face on
him about wide as your hand and
long as a yardstick.
He walked up to the back
kitchen door and, lo and behold,
the old Plymouth Rock rooster
stood right in the middle of the
table. He shooed at him and he
hopped down from the table, and
in doing so he up-set the gravy
dish and knocked the coffee pot
off and scalded old Tom (.the
house cat), who was mincing at
some crumbs that had fallen from
the table, and in his rage he made
a dive for the nearest window
| and out he went, taking the whole
j sash with him.
Now, this was a little more than
Uncle Simon could stand, he
! thought, so he jerked up the shoe
. last that happened to be close by,
■ and threw it at the old rooster
*and hit him and broke him down
in the back. The shoe last
:bounced over in the corner and
knocked a leg from under the
| stove and down it came on the
! floor and broke both doors off,
i and spilled a big pot of beans and
| a berry pie all over the place, and
[burned a great hole in the art
i square he had just bought.
The jar from all this tilted a
; smoothing iron off the shelf and
it came tumbling down and fell in
; a churn full of milk and busted
the bottom out of it, and scattered
[ milk everywhere over the room.
About this time old lady Stewart,
who had gone for a cool bucket
|of water, stepped in and she said,
“Si, what in the tarnation have
vou done; have you gone crazy?”
“Nor, I aint,” said old man Si
mon, “but ti nt devilish rooster
has, and I am glad I have put him
where he oughter be.”
“W 11, Simon,” said old lady
Stewart, “you have killed the
rooster, but it has cost you
might} dear to do it, and all you
will get back for what you have
lost here will be a bait of baked
rooster, which could have been
had at a hotel for 25 cents.”
Now, what caused it all? Just
simply got out o’ tune, that’s all.
Now, listen neighbor, learn a
lesson from these incidents, and
let’s examine ourselves and see if
we are in tune. Are we in har
mony with God? Do we love our
fellowman? Or are we loaded
down with prejudice and malice?
Are we envious of those about us?
If such is the case we had better
be careful for old Satan may,
through this prejudice and malice,
get us out of tune.
Remember a little fire suffered
to go unchecked may reach a
point where rivers cannot quench
it. So, good bye; will see you
again. Henry Strickland.
Flippen, Ga.
This is the package r~\ .
that holds the c/ris Jyj /
cigarettes
fi/ccerr wHSffljl
that do for
smokers what no
other cigarette has
ever done for them
before—they satisfy
and yet they’re MILD
■ --SSS.'
«***■£,
CIGARETTES
fkt V &aT/S?Y t
10 for 5c and yet they’re / / Xl>
—Also packed
20 for 10c
In a rural court the old squire
had made a ruling so unfair that
three lawyers at once protested
against such a miscarriage of jus
tice. The squire immediately
fined each of the lawyers $5 for
contempt of court.
There was silence, and then an
old lawyer came slowly to the
front of the room and deposited a
$lO bill with the clerk. He then
addressed the judge as follows:
“Your Honor’ I wish to state
that I have twice as much con
temot for this court as any man
in the room!”—Youth’s Compan
ion.
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The Reily-Taylor Co. New Orleans
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