Newspaper Page Text
RETURNED THE PE
A Trophy That Did Not Remain
Long In Captivity.
THE MISSING COAT OF
It Belonged to the American
In Honolulu and Was Carried Off by
a Party of English Middies—The Res¬
titution and Apology.
“Speaking of old times on the coast,”
said an Oregonian, “reminds me of
some of the sterling characters we
had there. One was Governor Mc¬
Bride of Oregon. 11 is first offic ial du¬
ties were at Honolulu, where he was
United States minister. King Kame
hameha was the ruler at the time. The
minister was a heroic type of a man.
the father of fourteen children, and a
number of his sons became distin
guished men in various professions.
He was a true American, cast in an
ultra patriotic mold, and many stories
are told among the oldtimers of his
patriotism and bravery.
“When McBride reached Honolulu
he found there were no outward in
signla designating the American con¬
sulate or minister’s office, so he had a
large American coat of arms cut out
of wood, gilded and decorated appro¬
priately. and this was hung over the
office door that all the world might see
it. It was naturally a conspicuous ob¬
ject and of much interest to the pub¬
lic.
"One day an English man-of-war
came into port The sailors and mid
shipmen were given liberty, and, as
often happens, some of them had hi¬
larious times. Among the then mid¬
shipmen were Lord Gordou and Lord
Beresford, who, like all midshipmen in
from a long cruise, were out for a
jolly time. Walking down the street,
they did not fail to notice that Yankee
coat of arms, and as Beresford was
collecting bric-a-brac and curiosities it
occurred to him and Gordon that this
would be a fine addition to their col¬
lection, a trophy worth having. So
they selected a time when the minis¬
ter was away and the office closed,
presumably at night, and took down
the coat of arms, hired a native vehi¬
cle to carry it down to the dock and
actually succeeded in getting it aboard
without any of the ranking officers
knowing anything about it.
“The next morning when the minis¬
ter came down to the office his assist¬
ant said:
“ ‘Mr. Minister, your bird’s taken
flight.’
“‘What do you mean?’ asked his
excellency.
“ ‘Your coat of arms is gone,’
plied the aid.
“ ‘Gone where? Flown off?’
" ‘Not exactly,’ said the other.
just disappeared.’
“The minister walked out into
street and looked up. The coat
arms, which was five or six
across, was ‘noticeable by its
It bad taken wings and flown
Exactly what the minister said
not been chronicled.
“It so happened that Beresford
given the carriage driver an extra
for his trouble. Some one
this and quickly reported it to the
ister, who at once made a
upon the captain of the frigate for
return. The captain, who was
cent, denied that the thing was
ship. The minister sent his
to the captain, reiterating his
and demanding an apology for the
sult.
“The captain now began an
gation, and the culprits owned up
took the coat of arms on deck,
it was promptly sent ashore and
turned to the office of the
McBride, who was there, refused
receive it .
“ ‘Tell the captain of your
that I desire that the men who took
down bring it back, place it
they found it and apologize.’
“Back to the ship went the
with the coat of arms and
The captain ordered the young men
go ashore, take the coat of arms to
consulate, replace it as they found
and apologize to the minister.
“It was doubtless a bitter pill,
the young midshipmen had to
the badinage of their comrades.
two went ashore, ready tfi
and took the coat of arms to the
sulate. The American minister
not put himself out to keep the
ter quiet, and as a fact the public
well posted, and the consulate
surrounded by a crowd of
natives and others, all laughing at
predicament of the young midship¬
men.
“The minister had a strong sense
humor and determined to get all
was in it. He preserved his dignity
best he coujd as he received the
men and listened to their apologies.
The midshipmen theu took the coat of
arms from the hack and amid the
cheers of the crowd climbed to the
front of the building and placed it in
position, then hurried down, followed
by laughter and cheers.’’—O. F.
in New York Evening Post.
Delight of Varied Labor.
None but the fully occupied can ap¬
preciate the delight of suspended or,
rather, of varied labor. It is toil that
creates holidays. There is no royal
road—yes. that is the royal road to
them. Life cannot be made up of
recreations. They must be garden
in well farmed lands.-Mrs. Gilbert
Aun Taylor.
If a thing is possible and proper
man, deem it possible to
Aurelius.
WHAT IS A JOKE?
It Is a Serious Business to the Man
Who Concocts It.
“There’s one thing I thought l knew,
but find I don’t know,” said Tommy.
“What is a joke?”
Father pricked up his ears, as it
were. “A joke,” he said slowly, “is
something its maker think.- is funny,
but uobody else does.”
“That explains it then. Today 1 said
an awful quaint thing. Mother had a
lot of womeu here, and they talked
about clothes. 1 said: ‘A woman's
mind is always on clothes. When she
ain’t talking through her hat she's
laughing up her sleeve.’ But no one
laughed, and 1 read that one tpo. Tell
me a joke.”
“If 1 were to say when I came home
from visiting the cemetery that 1 had
returned from the dead, that would be
a joke.”
“Is that a practical joke?"
“It is not. It’s a grave joke.”
“What’s a practical joke?”
“If your mother just before going
out shopping asked for money and I
gave her all she wanted.”
“Do you like practical jokes?”
j "Not when they’re as practical as
that.”
“Does every one like jokes?”
“Few people do. Most tofeceive.” tU£nk it is
more blessed to give than
"Then people can’t take a joke?”
“There are some who can’t. Editors,
for instance, rarely take a joke.”
“Does any otie make money from the
writing of jokes?”
“Only the papermakers and the post
al department of the government.”
"Must a joke be funny to be a joke?"
“Few are.”
“Then some are serious?”
“Not exactly. But if you refer to a
sexton as a man of grave cares some
might think you intended to be jocu¬
lar.”
“Is a pun like a joke?”
“Nothing at all. A man who makes
a joke is an idiot, whereas a man who
makes a pun is a criminal."
“Then the man who writes what be
thinks are jokes is a funny fellow?”
“No; it is\ a serious business with
him."
“He has his ups and downs, then?”
“Yes. He gets up courage to write
to editors and gets turned down by
them.”
“You’re not referring to the man
who writes the column in the papers
every day? Surely life is one joke
with him.”
“No, it isn’t. He thinks he’s a hu¬
morist, but he’s a pessimist. He’d
rather be a hodcarrier.”
“Why, does a hodcarrier make more
money ?”
“Well, he has a habit of climbing and
often goes higher. Bes’des. the out¬
door work is healthier.”
“Isn’t joke writing healthy?”
“Not when you’re caught at it.”
“Can a man write jokes and still be
a gentleman?”
“You forget. Tommy, that our re¬
marks are intended for publication
and that 1 have many friends who
write. Besides, 1 sometimes get off a
joke or two myself.” — Philadelphia
Ledger.
The One Who Knew.
“Elijah,” said the judge to the de¬
fendant, “you have had a fair trial.
The prosecuting attorney has showu
by circumstantial evidence that can¬
not be gainsaid that you were in Mr.
Brown’s chicken coop on the night
that his hens disappeared, and your at¬
torney in his speech has practically
admitted that the theory of the prose¬
cution is true. Have you anything to
say before the court pronounces Its
decision ?”
"Jedge,” said Elijah, rising politely,
“all I’s got to say is dis. 1 dou’t kuow
much about de law, but 1 does know
heahsay evumdence isn’t good, an’ all
dese lawyehs says is heahsay. 1
oughter kuow, fob 1 uz de only man
in that chicken coop dat night, an’ I’s
denied it raight erlong.”—Chicago I’ost.
An Apology?
A London journal says that a lively
discusslou once took place in a town
council in the north of England. One
thing led to another till one of the
disputants gave another the lie direct.
The insulted party rushed forward,
and the pair clinched. At that mo¬
ment the first man exclaimed. “1 re¬
iterate that you ore a liar!” To the
astonishment of e^ery one, the aggriev
ed party let go his hold. “Oh, well.”
he said, “in that' case 1 accept the
apology. If a man says he reiterates,
that is all any gentleman can ask." He
did not understand why the bystand¬
ers laughed, but the fight was off.
Anything to Oblige.
While crossing the ocean the two
! seasick
j sprightly children of very par
■ ents were scampering around the deck.
“Tom, dear.” said the mother in a
weary voice, “the children are too near
the railing.” But he was too ill to no-
1 tice, and in sheer desperation his wife
madged him on the arm. "Speak to
them, Tom,” she said faintly.
With a wan smile he lifted his head
and said. “Eh—how do yqu do?”—La¬
dies’ Home Journal.
Village Gossip.
“Is Squire Whetstone considerate of
dumb animals?”
“I don’t know how he treats ’em,”
answered Si Simling. “but he certain¬
ly speaks mighty kind of ’em when
he's engineerin’ a hoss trad i.”—Wash¬
ington Star.
Hilarious.
Clarence—I’m going to ask old Vava¬
sour for his daughter’s hand. What’s
a good way to begin ? Algy—Ob, spring
a few other jokes on him first and see
how he takes them!—Exchange.
Despotism may govern without faith.
I>ut liberty cannot—De TocquevJIJe.
THE COVINGTON NEWS
Evans Lunsford W. T. Miln
LUNSFORD & MILNER
Wholesale and Retail
BUILDERS SUPPLIES
Lumber, Laths, Shingles, Sash, Doors, Blinds - - - Paints, Lead, Oil, Lime, Brick, Cement, Mill work a Specialty
A Complete Stock of High Grade Roofings and Wall Plasters
We carry the laigasc and best assorted stock of Building Material in this setion
of the state, and as we buy only from the best mills in the south, our grading
are considerably ABOVE THE AVERAGE. Estimates and prices cheerfully
i
given. Contract work at closest prices consistent with honest work and material
BE SURE TO SEE US BEFORE YOU BUILD
WE WILL SAVE YOU MONEY, TIME AND WORRY
MILITARY PRISONERS.
How They Are Guarded at Garrisons.
The Bull Ring.
The hardest duty that a soldier is
ever called upon to perform in times of
peace and the duty which be dreads
the most is the guarding of military
prisoners. These are divide*’ Into two
classes:
First.—Garrison prisoners, who have
received light sentences for minor
breaches of discipline and will be re¬
turned to duty in a short time.
Second.—Military convicts, who for
attempted desertion or other serious
military crimes have been dishonor¬
ably discharged by order of a court
martial and have received sentences
varying from a few months’ to several
years’ confinement at hard labor, ac¬
cording to the gravity of the offense.
Into their ranks the vicious element or
those who bold their oath of enlist¬
ment too lightly eventually find their
way.
Every morning at fatigue call the
prisoners are drawn up in a long line
in front of the guardhouse and sur
rounded by a chain of sentries. The
somber prison garb of the “generals”—
military convicts were formerly known
as “general prisoners”—is marked with
a gigantic capital "l\” which renders
them conspicuous aud therefore makes
escape more difficult.
Some are evil looking fellows with
long and unsavory records. Doubtless
many have “done lime” more
once iu civil prisons before evading the
watchfulness of the recruiting officer
aud finding their way into the army.
Others are rosy cheeked lads who in
all probability have yet to see their
twenty-first birthday, and in nine
cases out of ten the charge against
them is desertion. Homesickness or
restlessness under military restraint
aud discipline have led them into the
rash act, the heavy penalties of which
they may not have fully realized.
In groups of twos and three and
guarded by sentries with loaded rifles,
these men perform most of the dis¬
agreeable work and menial labor
about the army post, which is highly
varied iu character and may consist
of anything from sprinkling the flower
beds on the officers' lawns to digging
ditches for monster sewer pipes. Al¬
though they generally perform their
enforced tasks cheerfully, occasionally
a particularly disagreeable piece of
work causes a miniature strike, and a
dozen men may "back”—that is, re¬
fuse to work.
It is then that the historic "bull
ring” is resorted to. A huge circle is
marked out on the ground, and the
malefactors arc required to walk
around its circumference in Indian file
for eight hours a day. preserving ab
solute silence. A ten minute respite
is allowed at noon for a bread and
water lunch. A day or two of this
treatment usually suffice to break the
most stubborn will. If tint there still
remain solitary confinement on the
bread and water diet and as a last
resort the dungeon.
The prison duty is by all odds the
grimmest phase of the soldier's life.
He may find himself standing guard
over his best friend, with orders to
shoot to kill should his man attempt
to escape.—Youth’s Companion.
Penitence.
“I supitose you're sorry now?” asked
the prison visitor, according to the
Philadelphia Ledger.
The young man who had stolen !?17.
000 aud spent it in sixteen weeks
sighed through the bars. “Oh. yes,”
he answered. “I tried to cut too much
of a splurge. The money ought to
have lasted me a week longer.”
Stubbornness is fighting to have in
r certain way what you want. Strength
of purpose is getting in the most con¬
venient way that presents itself what
you desire.—Chicago Record-Herald.
The worst feature about nailing a
lie is that you are so apt to lutintner
your fingers.—Puck
Wagons
I have been trying to sell Standard Two-Horse Wa<r
ons at COST for sometime and have failed to sell. I
now offier them at $7.50 less, at $45.00 for sizes 2 34
and 2 1-2 for CASH ONLY.
Buggies
Rubber Tired Buggies, all grades at LESS than the
Factory Cost For Cash.
Where He Blundered.
A Cleveland lawyer tells a story
about a Milesian wlelder of the pick
who had been digging a trench for a
gas pipe leading to a private residence
—a one inch pipe.
Contemplating the excavation and
comparing its capacity with the loose
dirt, he shook bis head in doubt. "Be
this and be that.” said be, “I'm think¬
ing I'll not have room in the ditch for
all the dirrt on the pile, bad cess.”
“But.” said a bystander, “whv not.
Pat?”
“Sure,” he made reply, “because I
didn’t dig it deep enough!”—Cleveland
News.
A Growing Love.
Mr. and Mrs. Married Bliss were
both growing very plump, and every
effort to reduce weight had proved
fruitless, and their discontent with
their failure was pathetic.
“It is too bad,” said a mutual friend
to a sympathetic physician. “The
Blisses are so fond of each other and
used to be so graceful and slender
when they were first married.”
“Ah. well!” replied the physician
“Think how much more they are to
each other now.”—Life.
Little Breaks.
Among “blunders in emphasis" the
prize must be awarded to the remark
of the beautiful Miss Gunning to
George II. She told the king that she
would dearly love to see a coronation.
A compliment not infrequently takes
a questionable form. G. W. E. Rus¬
sell in his “Collections and Recollec¬
tions” tells of a working class admirer
who once said to the dean of Windsor
(Dr. Wellesley). “I always say there’s
nothing of the gentleman about you.”
—St. James’ Gazette.
The Part That Never Changes.
“What a very affecting part, my
dear,” remarked the husband as they
returned from the suburban theater
the other night. “I suppose there
wasn’t a dry eye in the house.”
“I observed, however,” said the wife,
“that there seemed to be the usual
number of dry throats.”—London Tit
Bits.
Even when a woman thinks she is
worth her weight in gold she would
hate to get too stout.—Philadelphia
Record.
j | | MULES ARE WANTE
At Covington, Tuesday, Sept. lOt
l will ho in Covington Tuesday
buy mules. I have bought mules in i
section for a number of years and have
reputation of paying the highest mar
price for them. Bring them to Covin#
on that date and L will them.
Idus L. Laangley
Patronize j
White •
Barbers *
We kept have a neat and well Z i
shop, equipped with
new furniture and supplied ♦
with ask for hot and cold water. We $
fact your trade from the 1 *
that we do first class
work the and white barbers all I
w T ay through.
W. J. Gober
Covington, - Ga. ♦
Watches and ( lot
Repaired.
I am prepared to repair
Watches and Clocks and ca
them so they will run, for
ey than my competitors and
antee all my work. When ) 0
ready for your work gi ve
trial.
J. SIEGEL
, nut
Pi IP Si A I P
