Newspaper Page Text
weekly Fable In Slang
| BARTON RICHARDS
an
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looking like an advertisement for Mun
yon’s remedies, at. the same time lay-
I g back in a divan with a noncha
lance that came of long practice.
The next thing to do was to send
the posters to the fellow in charge of
camp activities at the various camps,
■with a little note, saying that he didn’t
want much advertisement of his com
ing, merely a. few dozen posters run up
on th- building where he. was to speak
and a. few well chosen announcements
In the papers.
Comes now the day when O. Phyd
dle does the breaking of home ties
stuff, and the town turned out to w-ish
him luck, and with his trusty bag in
one hand and a yard of ticket in the
other fist he loads on the 3:30 flyer one
afternoon and gives the town the g. b.
The next A. M. saw him pulling into
his first camp town and greatly to his
surprise, the army wasn't out t<» meet
im with the regimental bands doing a
company front. Not only that but the
jitney drivers didn't even know who
he was, and the city seemed to be in Its
regular order when he went over town,
with no flags out or any of that sort of
thing. However genius is liberal and
Phyd overlooked these few things and
after Hooverizlng about a half a dollars
worth at one of the local hash foun
dries he wended his way to the camp,
and here again there was no prepara
tion for the Incoming of the celebrated
O. Phyddle.
Right away O. P. D. D. decided that
patience had exceeded the virtue lim
it, and It was up to him to read the
well known riot act to the guy in charge
of camp activities for laying down on
the Job like that. You can guess about
how far he got away with that sort of
junk, for the G. I. C. O. 0. A put the
quietus on that line by saying that the
advertisements of the great and only
Fhyd were up on the buildings. vVitn
x. alice toward none and charity for all,
our friend forgave everybody concern
ed until that night when he got to the
building and found out that cnly two
Biden of the building had been cover
ed with ads, the inside and the outside,
and in,a voice choked with indignation
and epearmint gum he asked why there
were no streamers on the roof.
That speech went down in history
that night, went so far down that prob
ably it hasn’t reached bottom yet
6. P. opened up with a trite introduc
tion of 10 minutes and said that he
wouldn’t occupy much time, and the
gab fest was ou. With the eloquence
of a train caller he led his hearers back
to the beginning of time, and then left
thorn there to find their way out by
themselves, and from there he jumped
over a few thousa. <1 years of time and
took a,fresh start. Abut this time the
dust from the lecture got bo thick
that some of the fellows were seized
with violent sneezing, and one after
another they remembered important
engagements.
There was quite a crowd left when
Phyd finished, one of them wa» an M
P. on duty and the other was « janitor
who wanted to mop out for the morn
ing. O. Phyddle was a hit, Just like
the Sultan of Sulu Is a bachekr, and a
few days later Hickton county had her
tvzo crops together again.
Moral:—lf you are going to be a big
wind, the best plan is to start out by
being a breeze.
* Events
B. HEITKAMP
their men have been carrying night let
ters by train in Suit cases and thus vio
lating the postal laws. It is given to
the government postal service exclusively
■o handle mall over the railways of the
■country and the Telegraph Company by
carrying night letters has violated this
law. The practice lias been tn long op
eration between the larger cities and the
people have been led to believe that their
messages have been handled in the us
ual way.
The idea of a trans-Atlantic aero
service has been seriously considered by
both British and American military au
thorities. It is planned to try a flight
Bometlmo in the fall and all things are
favorable for the success on the under
taking. With the Rolls-Royce and the
Liberty Motors giving the beat of satis
faction it is thought that a machine with
a fuel carrying capacity for 48 hours can
b© constructed to make, the flight. The
motive will be to see if planes can not be
delivered to Europe In this manner thus
saving shipping space. The aero club
of America Is heartily in favor of the
idea and |B lending all co-operation pos
sible.
On July 4th there will be launched in
the shipyards of the country some 89
Ships. That will make the largest num
ber of ships that has ever been launched
by any nation on any one day or in anv
one period. It will be truly a time for
celebration and rejoicing and it. is an in
dication of the manner in which the labor
of the country is standing behind the
shipping program and doing its part to
win the war
. The wheat production bids fair to be
Ithe largest of many years. The price of
[wheat will be raised as a result of an
Iprder of the President’s giving that au
thority to the Food Administration Con
BoijLtion of New York.
BAr production has increased in the
fcWiortnnt coal producing part of the
four and five per cent the past
More cars are now available and
transportation system of the country
■being made more efficient That means
er BUpply of coal for rhe coming
that the submarines have
of May. The operations of the
..ff the American coast con
and the tirst troop ship to be sunk
iide of the Atlantic was torpe-
a submarine seven hundred miles
Delaware coast on Monday No
on the ship at the time but
Yost'' Cn ° f lh ° CreW have becn
C °fhT r w? t rep . h °ost the
ML Saving Certlfl. ates on
x #l*7 Speakers will go to all of the
S* a .? 4 urge thot form of in-
and all citisens will be urged
me K3>vernmeni
our military
•
TRENCH AND CAMP
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I 'MAJKJMG THE. mascot/
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GAS MASKS FOR THE ARMY PETS.
American soldiers placing a gas mask on the regimental pet as a pre
caution against a Hun gas attack. (Readers of this newspaper who wish a
photographic copy of this picture may obtain it by sending ten cents to the
Division of Pictures, Committee on Public Information, Washington, D. C.
Enclose this clipping).
a wink or two of sleep, while Pat No. 2
in his squad, was alertly over the top.
Pat jabbed Mike with his rifle to
arouse him.
Wake up, me man, they're coming’’’
souted Pat.
"Who’s comlhg?’’ responded Mike,
rubbing his eyes.
“The Germans, to be sure. Wake
up!"
“How many of them are there?’’
With a quick glance toward the en
emy trench, Pat shouted:
“More than a million!”
“Sure,” said Mike, “our .fortune’s
made.” __ z
"You say you had a letter from your
soldier son and that he said an army
mule kicked him?”
“Yes.”
“Where did the mule kick him?”
“.Somewhere in France.”
“Where’s your uncle, Tommy?”
“In France.”
“What is he doing?”
“I think he has charge of the war.”
“So you're saving up to buy an air
ship? You’re quite an ambitious little
boy.”
“Yes, sir; I wants to fly over Jimmie
Mack's yard and drop bricks on him.”
The other night.
I went to the theater
With a low-brow’ friend.
And the .orchestra played
“The Little Brown Jug.”
and he thought
It was the national anthem
And stood up.
And I did, too,
Dam him.
They had lost their way in their new
and expensive car.
“There‘s a sig»> dear,” she said to
her , husband, who* got out of the car
and flished his flashlight on the board.
“Are wo on the right road?” she
asked.
He read: “To the poorhouse.”
“Yes,” he answered. “We’re on the
right rosjd and we didn’t know it.”
“Do you know whei'o the "little boys
go whq don’t put their Sunday school
money in the piate?”
“Yes’m; to the movies."
The Guard (after taps): Halt’ Who
goes there—friend or foe?”
Answer in the Distance: “Your sweet
heart, don’t you know?”
A certain lady wishing mall stood at
her gate in front of the house and ask
ed for mail each morning.
After being disappointed on the third
day as well as the other two, the mall
man said: “Lady, do you really want
em-blem
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: -r IF A RO ° K “-'S IDEA.
fcpLDIERS’ MAIL
® SUBSCRIPTION BLANK
I lease {nd-....-for month*
to Trench and Camp. The mailing address is as follows:
O-N’O
, : or stamps with this blank In envelope and seal. Ad-
& C amp. Y. M. C A. Headquarters, Camp Hancock, and
desk in any recreational comer.
®i <lea t 0 Sol<3lera — 3 months, 25c; « months. 50c; 1 year. 1100.
a letter? I will write one. Do you
want a business or love letter?
The lady replied: “If you mean bus
iness write me a love letter.”
‘ CANDOR.
Nodd—l don’t mind your borrowing
money from me, old chap, but please
don’t promise to pay me back. That
hurts.
Todd—My dear boy, I thought you
knew me well enough to know that 1
didn't mean that.—Judge.
HER SOLICITUDE.
He (soulfully)—There are athousand
starstonlghC looking down upon you.
She—ls my ■ hat on straight.—Awg
wan.
“Where were you during the base
ball game? Had a girl with you;
didn’t you?”
“Yes, I was whispering soft nothings
to her.”
“No wonder we lost. Whispering soft
nothings, hey? When you should have
been bawling rough stuff at the oppos
ing team !”-* Judge.
a bit iVazy.
A certain British soldier’s letter runs
thus:
“I am sorry I cannot tell you where
I am, because I am.not allowed to say.
But I venture to state that I am not
where I was, but where I was before I
left here to go where I have just come
from.” —Tit-Bits.
“And are all the girls here as pretty
as you?”
“Don’t know. I never look at anybody
but the boys.”—Ruy Blas (Paris).
Registration Day
By Private A. L. Cwrtia.
(Base Hospital, 53.)
Boys, don’t dare to laugh at me for what
I have to »ay,
For I am going to write a song of Regis
tration Day.
Let every one our spirits show and, like
strong me, be true.
We’ll look the whole world in the face
like all good Yankees do.
We won’t be quitters, you nor I;
We’ll stand up throufh and through—
We’ll fight for right, with all our might,
And our Red, White, and Blue.
Boys, don’t dare to laugh at me nor try
to turn away,
For patriotism in your soul should there
forever stay.
And if it need be. die like men, whe
fought for me and you—
Who died eo bravely side by side fo’
Liberty so true:
They fought, boys—they weren’t quit
ters—for the Red, White, and Blue
IN THE Y. M. C. A.
HUTS.
BUILDING 75
Wheless Road and Artillery Avenue.
Serving »l«th( 317 and 318 Machine
Gun Battalions.
Monday, B:ls—Soldier talent
Tuesday, 8:15 —Movies “Bab's Diary"
Marguerite Clark.
Wednesday, B:ls—Augusta talent
directed by Miss Hickman.
Thursday, 8:15 —Religious service.
Friday, B:ls—Movies, “World To
day."
Saturday, 8:15—to be announced.
Sunday, 9:30 a. m., battalion service;
8:15 p. m., enlisted men’s league.
BUILDING 76
Serving Machine Gun Training
Center.
Wednesday. 8:30 —Motion pictures.
Thursday, B:3o—Mid-week religious
meeting.
Friday, B—French Class; 8:30, Au
gusta entertainers.
Saturday, 8:30 —Fhotodrama.
Sunday, 9:30 a. m., regimental ser.
vice; 8 p.'m.. Young Men’s League;
8:30 p. m., evening song service.
Monday—Write home night
Tuesday, 10:30 am., Sewing by Au
fusta ladles; 8 p. m., French class;
:30 Southern Melodies.
BUILDING 77
Junction of Monroe and Stewart
Avenue and Wrightsboro Road. Serv
ing Ordnance Supply School and Spe
cialists' School Machine Gun Training
Center. Military Police, Headquarters
Company.
Monday. B:3o—Movies. Marguerite
Clark in "Bab's Diary." 5 reels.
Tuesday. B:3o—Entertainment
Wednesday, B:3o—Song service;
Talk, “A Famous Letter."
Thursday. B:3o—Movies, "The World
Today," 5 reels.
Friday. 7:3o—Ordnance Supply
School Entertainment, outdoors.
Saturday, B:3o—Special Concert,
Miss Fredrlca Scott, harpist; Miss
Ruby Gaston, pianist
Sunday, 9:30 a. m , regimental ser
vice. Chaplain Sparling; 10:45 a. m.,
Company Bible Classes; 8:30 p. m..
Evening Song Service: special speaker.
BUILDING 79
End of Wrightsboro Road. Serving
the Second Regiment Provisional Ord
nance Depot and Machine Gun School.
Monday, B:ls—Moving pictures.
Weekly Comic.
Tuesday, B:ls—Vaudeville and enter
tainment by ladies of the J. B. W. W.
Wednesday, 8:15 —Devotional ser
vice.
Thursday, B:ls—Moving pictures,
Marguerite Clark in “Bab’s Diary."
Friday, B:ls—Concert, Fredrlca
Scott, harpist; Ruby Gaxton, soprano.
Saturday, B:ls—Sing Song.
Sunday, 10 a m.—Bible Class; 8:15
p. m., enlisted men’s league.
BUILDING 231
(Serving 118th? 117th and 118th
M. G. B).
Wednesday, Athletic Night, boxing,
wrestling.
Thursday, mid-week services, ad
dress by Dr. Vines.
Friday, motion pictures , “Bob’s
Diary."
Saturday, musical night.
Sunday. 9:30 a. jn., morning service,
conducted by Secretary Stark; 8:15
p. m , c-nlicted men's service.
Monday, concert, Misses Scott and
Caston.
Tuesday, mbtion pictures.
■~¥enTNo?23“4.~"
Serving the Q. M. C.»; Field Bakery:
Motor Truck Co. 332: Ordnance De
pot; Fire Hose and Truck Company;
Motor Machine Repair Company;
Engineer Depot.
Monday. B:3o—Special progranrto be
announced.
Tuesday. B:4s—Movies.
Wednesday—to be announced.
Thursday, B:3o—Religious service.
Friday. 3:4s—Movies.
Saturday, B:4s—Movies.
BUILDING 78
Wednesday. 9:oo—Magurite Clark in a
five-reel Feature.
Thursday—Open night 9:00. govern
ment instruction movies for C. O T. S.,
Recruit Depot. M. G. school.
Friday. 8 15 —Rev Thomas. Methodist
camp pastor, will speak at the mid-week
service,
Saturday—Athletics in p. m., movies at
night.
Sunday, 9:lo—Episcopal communion
service under the direction of Mr, Har
ris, camp pastor: 8 30 p. m . sermon by
Dr. Jamison, religious work director of
Y M. C. A. 232,
Monday. B:oo—Athletic night with box
ing and wrestling; 9,00, government
movies.
Tuesday, 8 ‘3o—Entertainment by Au
gusta entertainers; 8 15. talk nn Current
Events, by Secretary Frederick B.
Heitkamp.
A WARRIOR'S LUCK.
“What was the narrowest escape you
ever had?” the beautiful girl asked
when she .and the bronzed colonel were
alone together.
I don’t suppose you’ll believe me if
I tell you.” he replied.
“Os c ourse I will. Why shouldn’t I?
Pm dying to hear all about it. Was it
while you were stationed in the Phil
ippines ?"
“No. it was just after I had graduat
ed from West Point. I had an engage
ment to elope with a lady, but she in
sisted on postponing it on account of
rain.’’—Dayton News.
I STEPPED OUT,
Latest Arrival—May I speak
the devil? g
Devil’s §«creury (to telepsone op-I
the 1
long distagwj
KODAKS ‘ SOLDIERS EQUIPM
FILMS MESS KITS
DEVELOPING SOUVENIRS
STATIONERY POST CARDS
SPAULDING SPORTING GOODS
Jo witts’
854 Broad St.
MAKE OUR STORE 1
YOUR HEADQUARTERS J
ALWAYS READYjK) SERVE 1
juneß
PHILOSOPHIC PHIL
FALL IN. " -v-
We have noticed that what most fe!<
lows looking for sympathy need, is tw«
awlft kicks, pxcpe.'iy placed.
Ths
Other day.
We bought a cake
Os soap.
It was oatmeal
Soap.
We asked the man
Why they
Put oatmeal
In soap,
And b« said,
So you
Can get
A bath
And a
Breakfast
At the
Same time.
Lt speeches were machine guns, some
people would be a whole battalion.
June 28tb is W. S. S. day.
Does that mean anything
to you?
Would it be proper to say that
a dentist spares no pains to
make his work a success?
When women start taking men's
places, there la one job that some of
them could fill to perfection. That of
painter.
Jolly the K. P. who's on today.
Give him a smile for his sorrow.
For this army game Is a funny thins.
And you may be K. P. tomorrow.
No, Hortense, M. P doesn't
always mean migbty popu
lar. ’ ,
' a.kTpTlyric
rm a soldier
The do my bit
1 Ove? Tho« Pn that great big Jam.
Does mr'srdour Increase to go out and
AU°the e ’butts, up end down the camp
street.
And oh! how I long to go
On a field which once was R firih
I’m then at my best doing squads east
And on me it works like a char so.
And Ic*»n if we are not drilling.
liiink fptlgue. I cecr.ot stand.
And for de an 1 ask. for to me Its no
18 S k
As I think it is just simply grand.
But outside of all those duties.
There’s a fly in my ointment pot
For it’s Hell to be a damn old K. r.,
Which is one of the soldiers lot.
Os course you have heard about. Sherman,
The name he railed war.gnd its wajrs.
But He’d take it all back, if he had •-<
whaok.
As a K. P. ln_M. p
o a'
A LETTER I
i
Far across the ocean waters waters j
I about to go;
And I’m glad to be a soldier
Thar's to fight the soulless foe.
Though I may not do great wonder,
I will do the best I can,
For v O u knew, my dear, they need me.
Though I’m just one single man.
If the Huns now kindly spare me.
And I come to you again;
You will find I urn wiser.
And 4 braver, better man.
More befitting tn your goodness.
Better suited to your pride;
Would I be your soldier husband.
Proudly Branding by your side.
Girlie, dear, now please do write me.
And cr! write quite often, too;
For l‘m never real unhappy.
When my thoughts can be on you.
I will write you when it is handy,
But you, too. must surely know;
That amidst, the bombs and bullets.
Such good work I could hardly do. I
Now. good-bye. my girl, my dear one.
Be as cheerful as you can; J
Think of me as your kind lover,
And a true and happy mart
PROUD OF THE PERFORMANCE. «
“See here,” bawled the
policeman, “you were going fifty miles'j
an hour in that car of yours and I'va
been chasing you for blocks.”
"Are you sure I was making
miles an hour.”
“Os course. I timed you.”
“Have a cigar, and let me shake
hand.”
“Do you think you can bribe mel® J
“Certainly not. You will understand
my feelings when I tell you this U *.
second-hand car bought it jMjfl
yesterday." —BI rmi:Age - ly
■ D'-.r. - ’ you think
m.-.l; acn-s.- the
■’>" 'W|
’■Enemy aliens first!”
