Houston home journal. (Perry, Houston County, Ga.) 1924-1994, August 08, 1940, Image 2

Houston home journal., August 08, 1940, Image 2

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Newspaper Page TextThe Honorable Uncle Lancy By ETHEL HUESTON _ - .. ... , ' WNU Servlc* O Bobbi Merrill Co. THE STORY THUS FAR Left orphans by a tragic automobile accident which claimed the lives of their mother and father, three sisters, Helen, Adele and "Llmpy," are visited by their Aunt Olympia politically minded wife of Senator Alencon Delaporte Slopshlre. She Insists that the girls return with her to Washington, to make their home with them. In addition to loving the girls. Aunt Olympia knows they will be a terrific political asset. Senator Slopshlre has as his political opponent one Brother Wilkie a minister, whose political campaign is furthered by seven "unspeakable brats"' who sit on the rostrum with him while he makes speeches. Senator Slopshlre, a pleasantly foggy Individual who depends on the astuteness of his wife, prepares for their coming. Though Llmpy. the youngest, la 18, and Helen, the oldest, Is 21, the Senator buys them all the toys and gifts he can find. When they first meet their "Uncle Lancy," as he Is to be known, the girls take him to their united bosom. Soon Adele. most beautiful of the sisters, meets Len Hardesty, publicity man for Brother Wilkie. Though It Is Len’s job to help defeat the Senator, he promptly falls In love with Adele. Olympia buys an automobile house-trailer which will accom* modate the five of them, and from which the Senator will campaign. Then she de cides to hire a publicity agent for the Senator, securing the services of Dave Cooper, and as his assistant, young Cecil Dodd. At a Washington tea Helen meets Gabriel d'AHottl. Gabriel then searches out Olympia, and asks If he might call. Olympia acquiesces, thinking It might make Helen forget her suitor back In lowa, Brick Landis. Brick, owner of a grocery store, Is also running for Congress. CHAPTER Vl—Continued The girls gasped. Cecil made fast notes with the Senate pencil. Aunt Olympia descended then from the plane of an interview to practical counsel. “At first, Cece, you’d better let Dave read your stuff and make sug gestions if he wants to. You see, he knows our constituency. You can use the same ideas for different con stituencies—not always, though; and frequently they must be couched in different words. For instance, some words will delight a Scandinavian or Irish settlement which would grossly offend a Ladies’ Aid. Dave has the state mapped out and knows every prejudice in it. You can work that out with him.” ‘T’ve memorized the map,” said Cecil. “That is, the regular map. I know the counties, towns and riv ers, but there’s nothing to indicate the prejudices.” “Dave’ll indicate ’em,” said Olympia drily. “Now, in writing about the girls, Cece, remember to use only what we call innocent ad jectives—‘young, simple, girlish, in genuous’—not ‘innocuous’; be care ful about that. ‘Quiet dignity’ is good, and ‘innocent youth* and ‘childish candor’ are effective. If you absolutely have to mention beauty, qualify it; call it ‘youthful beauty,’ or ‘girlish beauty.’ But avoid beauty if possible. To the average mind, beauty goes with bathing contests and rich husbands. In mentioning their clothes always call them ‘simple,’ ‘girlish’ and ‘in expensive.’ ” “They do not look inexpensive, though,” he remarked, being one who knew clothes. “Considering the effect they are going to have at the polls, they are cheap as dirt,” said Aunt Olympia. “Never under any circumstances re fer to elegance or luxury; these be long to royalists. Never say lavish or costly or luxurious. Say ‘homey comfort,’ or ‘companionable homi ness. ’ ” “By the way,” he inquired sud denly, “have you cautioned the girls about mentioning our plans to—well, Len Hardesty? You know what he can do with the most casual re mark.” She winked cheerfully at the spell bound girls. “We haven’t mentioned the campaign to them. Be sure to get this in, Cece. Being entirely domestic and housewifely, as I am, I accompany the Senator to take care of him, to see that he eats properly cooked food at regular hours and gets sufficient rest. We go only to look after his health, his food and his comfort. I take care of his clothes . . . Make a note of that, will you, Limpy? Remind me to buy a needle and some darning cotton . . . But we play no politics. The voters of our state are not con stituents to me, they are dear old friends and neighbors . . . You’d better get that word for word, Cece. you can’t improve on it . . . Friends and neighbors 1 And when they know these precious children as we know them, they will be their friends and neighbors, too.” “Am I sprouting a halo, Adele?” put in Limpy neatly. “I seem to be going angelic by the minute.” “Cece, remind me to odd a motor cycle escort to the cavalcade,” said Aunt Olympia, reverting again to the practical. “We’ll need him to carry the socks back and forth to Hilda to rip out what I put in.” “Do you make speeches, Auntie?” asked Adele. “I’d love to hear you make a speech.” “ 'No indeed,’ declared Mrs. Slop shire laughingly. T do not make speeches.’ . . . Except perhaps, privately to the Senator. No in deed 1 No speeches. All I do is put a little ginger in Del’s . . . Don’t put that in, Cece.” Although Adele had heard Cecil’s hint about Len Hardesty without change of expression, without flick er of long eyelash, she did not for get it. That night when they were all together at dinner he said cheer fully and yet with gravity: “Darlings, would it be better— better politics, I mean—for us to see no more of one Len Hardesty until after the election? I can get along without him, you know. And if it would be less dangerous it is quite all right with me.” Aunt Olympia, spokesman for the Senator as well as herself, offered a prompt disclaimer. “Not at all, Adele. It’s nice of you to make the offer, but it is not necessary. Of course, we may accidentally let something drop that he can pick up—and if he can, he will. But Lea’s quite « dropper him self and I’m no slouch at pickings up. And if it wasn’t Len hanging around it would be somebody else and probably someone a good deal less interesting.” She frowned thoughtfully for a moment. “In fact, the closer you keep him to your fin ger tips, the less good he’s doing Brother Wilkie—and the less harm to us. I’m not sure but you should marry him and put him into the discard once and for all. And good riddance.” The Senator was so touched at the generous thoughtfulness of Adele's offer that he wiped his glasses, one pair after the other, for a solid hour, and discontinued only when Helen came in from the libra ry to ask his help. “Uncle Lancy,” she said, “I find I’m terribly vulnerable in my na tional defenses. You’ll have to straighten me out. Just look at this map.” She spread a relief map of North America on his knees and dropped on a stool beside him. “Heavens, Helen, have you gone back to geography?” said Adele. “I’ll go back with you,” offered Limpy quickly. “I’ll swap you my trig for your geog. I’m very good at geography. What do you have to do—fill in rivers and mountains?” “No,” said Helen, “I just have to build forts and guns and establish submarine bases and scrape up a few aerial bombers . . . Now, look, Uncle Lancy 1 . . . This is the Ca nadian border. Not a fortification for miles I Think of thatl” “Have the Canadians declared war?” asked Limpy. “No, and we say they never will. And probably they won’t . . . But that’s not the half of it. Suppose Great Britain got messed up in Eu rope—say with Russia. That would keep her busy. Then suppose Ger many and Italy got together and decided to colonize Canada. They could come galloping right over and England couldn’t do a thing. And there they’d be, right next to us, and no defenses.” “What's come over you, Helen? I thought you were a pacifist.” “So I am. But I have been talk ing to re-armamenters. They say you can’t be peaceful without pre paredness. And just look at that Canadian border!” “All right, look at the Canadian border. You’re right. It’s vulnera ble,” agreed the Senator, smiling. ‘‘Then take the Mexican border.” “A Mexican invasion would start us all eating tamales and beans, wouldn’t it?” asked Limpy. “Mexico herself wouldn’t invade,” said Helen, patly. “Ah, but sup pose she had alliances; strong alli ances. Say with Japan . . . Very vulnerable!” “The Mexican border is better defended than you realize,” said the Senator. “We haven’t got all those forts and flying fields and military camps down there just for the sake of the climate. Big cities are the vulnerable points for an enemy. There are no very large cities down there and we have a scattering of defenses from the border north ward,” said the Senator, becoming interested, almost defensive. “And just look at our Atlantic coast!” Helen was full of her sub ject. “Disgraceful! Just look, from way up here at the tip of Maine clear down to Panama! And how much of a fleet have we got? How many airplane bombers? How many subs and dreadnaughts and —what else should one have?—Why, it’s an open temptation to the covetous, like leaving pennies kround in sight of children who love lollypops.” “You can join the Red Cross, Hel en. That’ll help,” said Adele. “You can be a Girl Scout, and coax Uncle Lancy to buy you a bow and arrow,” said Limpy. “The trouble with people who go around talking about national de fenses,” said Uncle Lancy pleasant ly, liking his attentive audience, “is that for the most part they don’t know what they are talking about. Personally, as you know, Helen, I, while an ardent and consistent paci fist, am in favor of a full defense program from bombs to bandages. But that Atlantic seaboard is better defended than you think it is! We’ve got a lot of very impressive works spread out along there. They look like mere show places to the visit ing tourist, but there’s more under the surface than shows on top. You ! don’t suppose the shipyards up in Maine and New Hampshire are un defended, do you? And in Mary land and Virginia? You don’t sup pose Boston is standing wide open, do you? The mo«t doubt ng of Thom HOUSTON HOME JOURNAL. PERRY. GEORGIA ases must realize that New York harbor has a gun or two tucked away somewhere. And come on down the coastl Here's Washington! I doubt if even Nye would vote to destroy the defenses of Washington. “But we’re not what some people call plain suckers, at that,’’ said Un cle Lancy. “We’ve got strategic points fairly well taken care of, and we’ve got second and third—and fourth-line —defenses spread clear across the country. We haven’t enough, Helen. I admit that. We’re working at it though. The trouble is, it’s not such hard work building up defenses as talking down the fanatics.” “Well, I’m relieved,” said Helen. “I wasn’t sure I could sleep tonight. Of course. I’m for peace myself . . . Not quite at any price, per haps, but at any reasonable price.” Helen was having almost as busy a time as Aunt Olympia herself, for she continued her pursuit of political enlightenment so avidly that Lim py’s logarithms were overlooked for days at a time. Dull teas, deadly receptions, boresome luncheons, congressional clubs, she attended them assiduously; she had to, in or der to help Brick when the time came. "And how about this garden par ty at the British Embassy?” Aunt Olympia demanded one day. “We’ve got to answer it. Do you want to go?” “I’d love to,” said Helen prompt ly- “ Wasn’t I invited?” asked Adele jealously. “Yes, we’re all invited . . . All right. I’ll accept for you girls and g “Len Hardesty taught me that trick.” us, if you really want to go, and decline for Limpy.” “Aw, Uncle Lancy!” wailed Lim py. “I’ve never seen a lord I” “You haven’t!” he ejaculated. “Well, well, think of that now. They’re no great shakes, in my opin ion, but if you want to see one, go and take a good look.” “Dell” protested Aunt Olympia. “Why, she's a mere child!” “Well, she’s a nice child,” he in sisted. “If a cat can look at a king, I reckon a chilfi —a nice child—can have a squint at a lord in the mak ing. There’s nothing worldly about garden parties. In my opinion, it’s children they’re given for.” “Garden parties,” said Aunt Olympia severely, “are worth the wages of a gardener for the ciga rette ashes they keep off the rugs alone!” “It was very nice,” Helen wrote to Brick Landis. “They served champagne punch under a marquee at one end of the garden and the refreshments a long way off at the other end under another. Aunt Olympia said that was to make it harder and take longer for guests to go dashing back and forth, con suming liquor and refreshments. They served exquisite big straw berries and an American substitute for Devonshire cream. You know how Limpy loves strawberries. Un cle Lancy braved that formidable line of butlers three times to get extra portions for her. He said she was entitled to still more under her quota because she doesn’t drink champagne. Limpy said she didn’t think the Ambassador was half as lordly-looking as Uncle Lancy and he wiped his glasses for ten minutes and the top of his head turned so pink that somebody asked if he was sunburned. He stopped the car on the way home and bought her six big boxes of strawberries and I dare say she’ll break out in a rash. “The invitation said from five to seven and exactly at seven o’clock the orchestra came out from behind the bushes and played God Save the. King and everybody stood up, and the chairs just seemed to melt away out of sight and everybody went home. “Limpy told Aunt Olympia she ought to try that way of getting rid of people at her parties when she J ui vu-es them from five till seven, for a dozen or mors stick around till nine or ten and Len Hardesty doesn’t go till he is put out. Bui Aunt Olympia said it wouldn’t work with Americans; said somebody would slip the orchestra leader a dollar to ‘swing it,’ and they’d all start dancing and she’d have them on her hands for breakfast. “Adele complained that they did not serve nearly so much as at most of the Embassy things, the South African Union, for instance, where it was a banquet as it al ways is at the Siamese Legation. Aunt Olympia says it’s the law of compensation; the smaller the na tion, the bigger the feed. “I finally put Gabriel d’Allotti to shame on the pacifist question by proving that we are not as vulnera ble as we look and sound. Uncle Lancy pointed out all the hidden de fenses to me and I made a lovely map of them. I’m keeping it for you, in case you go on National de fense. “And, oh, Brick, weren’t you sur prised at Ed Eicher retiring from the race for Congress after he had won renomination in the primary? And what a break for us lowa Re publicans! Aunt Olympia was furi ous. She said in her opinion it was a congressman’s Christian duty to hang onto a good seat instead of chucking it to the wolves. By wolves she means us, R., lowa. She want ed Uncle Lancy to call him up and give him a piece of her mind!” On a morning in June, the girls were amused to find Aunt Olympia sitting at her desk, very red of face, frowning intently at a thick pad of paper and chewing the rub ber of a pencil with a long, sharp point. As they watched, she bent forward, smiling broadly, and wrote a few lines, very fast. When she had finished with a big black period, she looked up at the girls with a slight smirk. “It can’t be her expense account,” said Limpy. “For even in a dumb thing like trig they figure things out in numbers.” “It’s my speech,” said Aunt Olympia, obviously well pleased with what she had written. “Your speech!” “For the campaign,” she ex plained. “You know, Helen,” said Limpy reproachfully, “that trigonometry of yours has got me clear off the Eng lish language. That’s what cosines and tangents do to a brilliant mind. I understood her—trigonometrically speaking—to say she doesn’t make speeches.” “You understood me all right,” said Aunt Olympia. “But there al ways comes a time, quite late in the campaign—l select the time — when the Senator is delayed in an important conference—perhaps with Farley, or maybe just a long-dis tance call from the White House— and just to fill in the gap till he comes I arise and make a few ex temporaneous remarks. And I al ways like to be prepared. Len Har desty taught me that trick and it’s a good one. He helped write my last speech and it was the hit of the campaign. But now I can do all right alone.” “You know, Brick,” Helen wrote, quite anxiously, “there’s no getting around the fact that this is the crookedest racket you ever heard of. Not exactly crooked perhaps, but definitely bent. Maybe you’d better stick to groceries. I think I can get you an appropriation from Con gress. Brick, you can’t believe a word anybody says. Aunt Olympia looks so honest, so open-hearted and frank, and here she is, even before Congress has adjourned, writing and practicing her extemporaneous speech to fill in a strategic moment that she selects herself. “Brick, when we do get around to getting married, if you stick to poli tics, I warn you that if you rise at the wedding to make a few extem poraneous remarks, I shall ariss myself and publicly denounce you. I’ve learned that there is nothing extemporaneous in politics.” The next time Len flew down to Washington, Adele, who had what was virtually a unique quality for a beauty, straightforward frankness, looked him gravely in the face. “I told the folks that if it is at all dangerous, or if it embarrasses them in any way, I would not see you again until after the election.” “Figuring me, I suppose, as soma sort of electrical current that can ba turned off or on at will.” “I meant it, Len.” “Yes, dear adorable little devil, I’ll bet you did. What did they say?” “They said it was not necessary; that you do not embarrass them at all.” “Well, they embarrass me no end,” he said bitterly. “Sitting around making me talk politics when I could relax and gaze into your eyes . . . Not that there’s any thing very relaxing about your eyes . . . They embarrass me by mak ing me fight them when I’m on their side. They’re crooked, beautiful! 2 hate to see you messed up witi them. If I could just tell the con stituents what they roped me into, they’d elect the brats in a minute. “Len,” she said hesitantly, “they are so friendly to you and treat you so nicely; you wouldn’t use any thing you hear here against them, < would you?” “Sure I would, if I had a chance. That’s my job. And they’d use me. too, in a minute they would, cna no doubt do. They ruined this cam paign for me, pinning me down ts the other side and then springing you cn me!” (TO BE COXUNVJUU Embroidered Linens for Baby i Pattern No. 2504 A DD that personal touch of em broidery to a practical gift for baby. Pattern 2504 contains a transfer pattern of 2 motifs av slnilis Night as Day “Don’t you find that a new baby brightens up a home?” “I do. We have the lights on all night now.” Light housekeeping is said to be one canned thing after another. After Taste? “Do you think you could learn to love me?” “Possibly; but wouldn’t you hate to think you were an acquired taste?” THE WHEREFROM *iiP U Ijijj “What pretty hair you have, Jean. You get it from your moth er, don’t you?” “No, I s’pose I get it from dad dy. His is all gone.” Just the Reverse At a reception the woman chatted for some time with the distinguished guest. One of the listeners complimented her. “Oh, really,” she said with a smile, “I’ve just been concealing my ignor ance.” The distinguished guest smiled gal lantly. “Not at all, not at all, my dear lady. Quite the contrary, I assure you," Quite the Opposite “Is that a popular song your daughter is singing?” “Not in this house.” A good joke isn’t damaged when it’s cracked. Why Bother Then? “Why don’t you show your wife Who’s master in the house?” “She knows.” Get this FREE B/Bl For over 70 years grateful people all over the South have trusted KK jp*333 Wintersmith’s Tonic for the relief of Malaria. 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