IiSD
More Honorary Degrees
For 1946
Yoicks, Harriet Sue (secretary,
stenographer and runner up for the
1937 Miss Yonkers award): Private
secretary to Artemus G. Bilge,
prominent business man and base
ball addict, at no time did you ever
meet the telephonic inquiry, “Is Mr.
Bilge in?” with the reply, “Who is
calling him?” This makes you an
unique and extraordinary character.
But above that it can be said that
neither did you ever get the call
er’s name and then reply quickly,
“Mr. Bilge is in Indo-China for tne
week-end.” Have a degree with ice
cream on top.
*
Clabby, „aines B. (sports writer
and gentleman of integrity): Help
yourself to any degree in the house,
with music. Assigned to cover the
training camps in connection with
a world championship bout you re
fused to build up the battle beyond
a reasonable point. You once went
so far as to hint it might not be
much of a battle. Wotta-man!
*
Sooks, Herman G. (citizen, scnol
ar and bridge player): Asked to
serve on a high-sounding committee
to look into the causes of juvenile
delinquency, you let out a war
whoop, banged your desk and de
manded, “What! Another commit
tee? There are too many working
on it already. To solve that prob
lem all you have to do is take a look
at the movies.” Here’s our degree
as Doctor of Candor. And have a
glass of beer as you go out!
♦ * *
HARD TO GET
1 told the *man I’d like to get
A little harmony;
he said: “The ceilings are too low;
Production isn’t free”;
I asked about some world accord,
Prepared or in the rough;
He shrugged his shoulders and re
plied,
“We just can’t get the stuff.”
“What are my chances for some
peace?”
I asked him with a sigh;
“The trouble is,” he answered me,
“Demand exceeds supply”;
“We need some trustfulness,” I said
“And honesty true blue”;
He said, “It’s awful hard to get,
Not much is coming through,”
“Is tolerance yet coming through?
How’s patience and restraint?”
“Production should be good,” he
said,
“But just the same it ain’t.”
Of milk of human kindness I
Next made an inquiry,
But got the word I’d have to have
A high priority.
• • •
VANISHING AMERICANISMS
"Here’s a nickel; go get me a couple
of melons.”
“ Wanted: Maid and general housework
er; $l5 a week."
•
“And I also want some top round for
the dog and a little fresh liver for the
cat.”
* • •
A brewery worker, denied ad
mission to a union because he
couldn’t lift a 192-pound keg of
beer from the street to a plat
form six feet high, brought suit.
In a court test to which six union
brewery members were sum
moned only one could do the
stunt. Possibly the man who
made the union rules was a
“light beer” man.
* • •
The three biggest tobacco com
panies in the country have been
held to be a trust in violation of the
anti-trust laws. We hope all were
able to light a cigarette and find
complete nonchalance.
* * •
CAN YOU REMEMBER—
Away back when there was considerable
brotherly love in this country?
• * *
The New York Telephone com
pany is 50 years old this year. It
goes away back to the days when
people could be happy when not
talking.
• • •
A Long Island doctor, unable to get an
auto, is making his calls on a bicycle. It
must be nice to get “what you need is
exercise” from a sawbones who is getting
tome.
* • «
Pfc. Oscar Purkey was asked how
things were coming along on his
battle for a decent home and re
plied, “It looks better. Most of
the new roller coasters, chute-the
chutes and race tracks have been
about completed.”
• * *
The skipper of a ferryboat has
discovered that in a bread shortage
seagulls will take cake. We asked ,
John Kieran for confirmation. He
reported that as an old seagull stu
dent he could state that those birds
prefer cake and have been known to ;
fly 5,000 miles for a chocolate layer ■
cake and put in another 1,000 miles
if there were nuts on top.
• • •
The line of the week; Jimmy Du
rante’s “I guess I came into this |
just to get into a place that was air i
conditioned” on Information Please, j
CONGRESSMEN OFF TO PHILIPPINES . . , Seven senators and representatives left Washington airport for
a round-the-world tour during which they expect to participate in the celebration at Manila marking Phil
ippine independence. Left to right: Gen. H. L. George; Rep. Karl LeCompte (R., la.); Rep. J. W. Robinson,
(D., Utah); Vernon Moore, secretary, Filipino rehabilitation commission; Sen. Hugh Butler, (R., Nebr.);
Rep, Fred Crawford, (R., Mich.); J. Weldon Jones, President Truman’s representative; Sen. Allen Ellen
der, (D., La.); Rep. George Miller, (D,, Calif.); Sen. Owen Brewster (R., Maine); and Brig. Gen. Carlos
Romulo, resident commissioner of the Philippines.
*- ” | x <1 f ■
% I ' - S9hH . ini
< v Jill
This air view shows tons of water being pumped into the oil-fed fire that blazed in four slips of the
St. George ferry terminal on Staten island. A number of persons were trapped in the buildings. Nine alarms
quickly sounded, summoning every piece of apparatus available and three fireboats.
C' «'• " \ ',?■*'■ \\ > j’'.i?‘’ f ,' 'l'*-* -‘4I
-
INDIANS SELL OUT . . . The Cleveland Indians baseball tcSm was
sold after almost a week of negotiations and offers. Acceptance of an
offer by Bill Veeck of Chicago and his associates was made by Alva
Bradley, ex-president of the Indians, for his former stockholders. Photo
shows, left to right, Joseph Hostetler, attorney for Bradley and now
secretary for the new combine; Harry Grabber, new vice president
and treasurer, and Bill Veeck, new president of the club.
SPEED RECORD . . . The fastest airmail delivery in the history of
the United States was accomplished when a P-80 jet propelled plane
carrying mail left Schenectady, N. Y., and arrived in Washington, D. C.,
in 49 minutes. Capt. Robert Baird, pilot, of Clarksdale, Miss., is hand
ing the pouch and a letter from W. Stuart Symington, assistant secre
tary of war for air, to Vincent Burke, postmaster at Washington. The
plane reached a top speed of 580 miles an hour.
THE HOUSTON HOME JOURNAL. PERRY, GEORGIA
OWNER OF CROWN JEWELS . . .
A photo of the Countess Von
Hesse, princess of Prussia, as she
looked in the days when Hitler
and Goering were entertained at
her Kronberg castle. It was from
this castle that the Hesse-Darm
stadt Jewels were stolen.
I CONGRATULATIONS .
intendent of schools, Vierling Ker
sey, presents Gus Johnson Jr.,
\ North Hollywood (Calif.) high
j school graduate, his diploma, as
i the youth, paralyzed from waist
| down, reclines on a stretcher.
Know Your Congressman
To Make Democracy Work
By BAUKHAGE
News Analyst and Commentator.
WNU Service, 1616 Eye Street, N.W.,
Washington, D. C.
The time of the singing of candi
dates has come, and the voice of the
mock - turtle is
heard in the land, f
pie are about
your represent
atives in the house of representa
tives or in the senate have carried
out your interests?
Issues are being joined, there are
sharp cleavages of thought these
days. And if you don’t take the
trouble to vote for the men in con
gress who are voting the way you
want them to, you have no right to
lambast congress. True, it does take
some trouble to learn to read
your congressman’s record cor
rectly. A simple statement by a
candidate that he voted for the X
bill (the one you wanted passed)
doesn’t mean too much.
A number of energetic organiza
tions are out to tell you how to
read the lawmaker’s records. One
organization is the National Citi
zen’s Political Action committee,
which reminds voters:
“A favorite device of congress
men is to vote for a series of man
gling amendments, or to procrasti
nate with investigations or recom
mittal. Then, having partially or
completely wrecked the usefulness
of a bill, they may vote for the
final version. Don’t take these
votes at face value.”
In other words, don’t be satisfied
with the record of the final vote. See
how your congressman voted on the
amendments.
The NC-PAC literature concludes
with a warning that any voter, what
ever side he is on, may well take
to heart;
“When your congressmen start
promising in their forthcoming
campaigns, check their past voting
records very carefully. Don’t take
it for granted that if they voted for
a measure, they were for it, and
fought for it. Perhaps they helped
cripple it first.”
Disguise Enmity
To Legislation
That is true, and with a little in
vestigation, you will learn that a
lot of congressmen, whose real
views and activities you really
wouldn’t subscribe to at all, may
have been voting in favor of some
of the bills you would like to see
passed. Later, when he is solicit
ing your support, he will point with
pride to these measures, omitting
to mention the fact that he helped
to emasculate them carefully be
fore hand.
You will also find sometimes that
although he has loudly shouted
down a bill (which you didn’t like,
and, secretly, he did), he did not
actually work against it. Perhaps,
finally, he even voted for it if there
was no roll call.
Another way in which a congress
man can fool his constituents is to
offer an amendment which appeals
to his particular locality, but which
he knows can’t possibly go
through. That appeases the constit
uents and, at the same time,
doesn’t hurt the congressman with
the particular interests with whom
he may be friendly. They know, as
well as he does, that the whole thing
is just an empty gesture.
Kill Bill
With Recommittal
The vote to “recommit” is a fa
vorite trick, and usually reveals the
true sentiments of a senator or con
gressman. Not much attention is
paid to these votes. When a bill is
"recommitted,” it is sent back to
committee, supposedly for recon
sideration. Actually, recommittal
usually means the measure is pi
geonholed forever.
On the other hand, when a power
ful committee pigeonholes a bill you
would like to sec passed, and your
congressman is willing to sign a
petition to try to get it out, you can
be pretty certain he is sincerely
working to get it through.
Of course, what goes on secretly
in committees is most important,
and can usually be found out, for
the newspaper and radio corre
spondents make every effort to
BARBS ... by Baukhage
After all that batting around in
congressional committees, OPA, as
expected, came out battered rather
than bettered.
• • «
The Supreme court controversy
boils down to what is really only a
difference of opinion something
which is taken for granted among
individuals, and which is said to
make horse-racing interesting.
report the inside facts. This is no.
difficult for the reporters, since
committee members whose efforts
were defeated are usually willing
to divulge the machinations of the
majority if there were any ma
chinations.
Admittedly getting all this infor
mation takes time and trouble on
your part. But that is the price you
have to pay for the kind of govern
ment you want. The government
makes you take time to figure out
your income tax and to do a lot of
other little chores, but it doesn't
force you to inform yourself on how
your government is being run. How
ever, the information is all there,
if you care to take the trouble to get
it. Reports of public hearings, as
well as the record of what happens
on house and senate floors, are avail
able for the asking. That is a part
of your congressman’s job report
ing to you.
As Lowell Mellett says in his
“Handbook of Politics”:
“The true test of a member of
congress is not the good bills for
which he voted, but the good bills
he voted against plus the num
ber of bad bills he voted for.”
Nobody can ever take democracy
away from you you have to give
it away, by default. And such “de
faulting” is no rare occurrence. With
in the last few months, I know of
four organizations which discovered
there was a Communist in their
midst. Furthermore, that Com
munist, using his own energy, and
taking advantage of the indifference
of the other members, had gained
a key position in the group. As soon
as the rest woke up and realized
the real purpose of measures taken
under what amounted to this man’s
minority rule they threw him out.
You know, "eternal vigilance. . .
Knowledge is power. Know your
congressman, don’t knock him.
• • •
Ike Leaves
Secrets Untold
The final report of General Eisen
hower to the combined chiefs of
staff, which has at last been re
leased, is a splendid example of
terse and comprehensive exposi
tion. Into less than 123 pages is
compressed the epic of the great
est military operation in history, ex
tending from D-Day to V-E Day.
It is unfortunate, for the sake of
mystery lovers, that the document
does not go into detail concerning
one phase of the invasion which has
rightly been called the “greatest
deception in history” the clever
ruses which caused the enemy to
make his fatal miscalculations.
The Germans knew that the Al
lied landing must be made some
where within a relatively lim
ited length of shore-line, but despite
this, they were completely deceived
as to where that landing was to be.
The result was that the Allies were
able to get a toehold which they
might never have been able to se
cure, had the Germans guessed the
prospective location of the real
beachheads.
Obviously, the natural place for a
landing would be in reasonable
proximity to Calais, where the Eng
lish channel is narrowest. Actually,
the nearest beachhead was estab
lished more than a hundred miles
farther to the west, but the whole
German 15th army remained immo
bilized in that locality until it was
too late.
But even after the landings were
made, the Germans were hot sure
they were the main objectives. This
was because of a five-prong plan of
deception, all the prongs pointing
to simulated diversionary attacks
by land, sea and air, away from
the actual invasion area.
One simulated attack was at Cap
d’Antifer, northwest of Le Havre,
far to the east of the invasion area.
There, planes, ships and balloons
moved in, gradually producing
echoes on the German radar want
ing instruments similar to the ap
proach of a convoy.
Another fake landing was staged
in the direction of Boulogne, still
farther east, with 16 ships and ac
companying planes. The steady
patrolling of the skies was taken
by the Germans to be the air cov
er of an oncoming armada.
Far to the west, halfway down the
Cherbourg peninsula, and at vari
ous other points, dummy airborne
invasions were carried out. The
Germans finally decided that
the real thing was approaching
Boulogne, and opened up with all
they had. Meantime, the actual in
vasion forces crossed the channel
without any interference by air ox
sea.
It was a grand fake.
• * •
A Case for
The Forsaken ‘R*
As a midwesterner born, I have
battled many years for the letter
“R.”
Therefore I was overjoyed to find
further distinction for the “Rs” as
against the “R-nots.” It was in that
strangely intriguing “Book About a
Thousand Things” by George Stimp
son (whose “Book About the Bible”
1 have mentioned before in these
columns) that I learned that “R”
and “L” are the "last and most dif
ficult consonants added to speech,”
