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WEDNESDAY JUNE 18, 1902
THE! GAINESVILLE NEWS,
ujl tne muics, ana tnen sue snppea
into Senator Hawley’s hand a silver
quarter.
“My dear madam,” said Senator
Hawley, “I am one of the senators
from Connecticut, and you. cannot
expect, me to accept anything for
doing }'ou a kindness.”
“Goodness gracious!” exclaimed
the lady. “Are you a senator? I
thought you were a doorkeeper.”—
. Washington Letter.
And He Winketh Not.
If there is one thing more annoy
ing than another that a cabinet offi-
/cer has to contend with, it is the'oft
repeated rumor that he is about to
resign or that the president is trying
to force him out. Both Secretaries
Gage and Long grew very tired an
swering questions about their tenure
of office long before they were ready
to' step out, and now Secretary of
Agriculture Wilson and Secretary of
the Interior Hitchcock are having
the same experience.
“I’ll tell you what I’ll do when I
get ready to leave,” said Secretary
Wilson to a knot of inquirers the
other day. “ill wink my left eye
very impressiwly, and then you’ll
know that the resignation is in.”
“But you may forget some day
and wink when you have no inten
tion of conveying that idea,” he was
told/ .
“Don’t be alarmed,” was the, an
swer of the head farmer of the gov
ernment. “You know the Scripture
says, ‘Cursed be he that winketh
with the eye.’ ”
Which was taken to mean that he
has no immediate intention of quit-
:ing.—Washington Letter.
~ A LITTLE NONSENSE.
Bits of Comical Sayings From the
Mouths of Babes.
Little Elmer—My father keeps a
coachman and a footman.
Little Georgia—Huh! That’s noth
ing. My mother keeps six boarders.
“Oh, dear!” exclaimed little Sam
my, whose clothes are all made out
of his father’s old ones, much to his
regret. “Papa has had his whiskers
shaved off, ttnd I suppose I’ll have to
wear them too.”
“Mamma,” asked a little three-
year-old miss, “is papa’s picture
torn?” v
“Hot that I know of, dear,” re
plied the mother. “Why did you
ask?”
“Because,” answered the little one,
“this morning he said, ‘Darn my pic
ture!’ ” , V. ,
. Little Margie’s father is a sales
man for a baking powder firm, and
one evening while repeating her
prayers before retiring she astonish
ed her mother by adding, “And
please, Lord, make me pure, like the
baking powder papa sells.”
Aunt Mary—Ho wonder you ate
not feeling well,' Harry. You ate
too much plum pudding at dinner.
Harry—That’s not the trouble,
Aunt Mary. IPs thinking of what
a lot I couldn’t eat ’cause I had no
room fot it that makes me sick.—
Chicago Hews.
manages to have mmseii interview
ed by a bright reporter.—Philadel
phia Press. ,
Her Opinion.
“Some men,” said Willie Wishing-
ton, “act like perfect fools when
they are in love.”
“Yes,” answered Miss Cayenne,
“and a great many more do not wait
even for that excuse.”—Washington
Star. _
An Explanation.
“What does it mean by saying
that a war correspondent must be
ubiquitous?”
“Why, iP’means that he must say
he was on the spot whether he was
or was not.”—Puck.
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Quits Appropriate.
Young Mother—John, for good
ness’ sake, take that knife out of
baby’s mouth. '
Young Father — Oh, that’s all
right, my dear. He’s cutting teeth.
—Chicago Hews.
CONDENSED STORIES,
How the Committee on Military Af
fairs Got an Appetite.
“Will yon lunch with me at the
Country club?” asked Secretary
Root, and all the members of the
committee on military affairs said
“Yes.”
If some of the committeemen had
only known where the Country club
is situated, this story could not be
told, i As it was, they immediately
Concluded that the Country club
and the Chevy Chase-club were one
and the same, and out to the Chevy
Chase club they went. And when
they arrived they learned that the
Country club was another place en
tirely. “It is over there,” said the
Chevy Chase steward, waving his
hand indefinitely toward the‘ west
ern horizon.
Senator Hawley and Representa
tive Jett, reconnoitering along the
highway, bargained with a passing
yokel for a horse that was knock-
kneed and spavined and a wagon
that seemed about to drop to pieces,
like the old one hoss shay. They
rode off in triumph. Ho other ve
hicle being in sight, Representatives
Mondell, Brick, Prince, Keteham
and half a dozen more started on a
tramp across the Chevy Chase golf
-course and finally reached the Ten-
nallytown road.
“How often do the cars run?”
asked Mon dell, hailing a native.
“Once every hour,' and one has
just gone down,” said the unfeeling
citizen, grinning with delight.
Down the railroad track the par
ty tramped until they reached Ten-
nallytowh. Then they made their
way across fields and along muddy
roads until finally they ascended
the broad stairs of the Country
club.—Washington Post.
Thought Hb Was a Doorkeeper.
Two ladies were wandering
through the senate wing of the cap-
Itol one day recently when one of
them approached Senator Hawley.
“Will you please show ns the
’s room ?” they asked.
x a w f T f Will sour the sweetest dispositional
- M\ gV g f | I I f transform the most even tempered, I07.
MX I V 3 I ^ \ J able nature into a crc>ss-grained ad
A U 1 ^ irritable individual. .
S -I If impatience or fault-finding jj|
B ■ I L«| - ever excusable it is when the body is
J j j tortured by an eating and painful sott
- It is truly discouraging to find after
months of diligent and faithful use of external remedies that the place
remains as defiant, angry and offensive as ever. Every chronic sore, no
matter on what part of the body it comes, is an evidence of some previous
constitutional or organic trouble, and that the dregs of these diseases
remain in the system; or, it may be that some long hidden poison—perhaps
Cancer—has come to the surface and begun its destructive work.
The blood must be purified before the sore will fill up with healthyffei
and the skin regains its natural color. It is s* rv
through the circulation that the acrid, corroding a iq)
fluids, are carried to the sore or ulcer and keep it
irritated and inflamed. S. S. S. will purify add
invigorate the stagnant blood when all sediment or
other hurtful materials are washed out, fresh rich blood is carried to tie
diseased parts, new tissues form, and the decaying flesh begins to have a
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The Terrible Temptation.
“How did you know the burglar
'tfas a woman disguised as a man ?”
“Why, when we peeped through
the crack of the door he was trying
on my wife’s new hat at the mirror.”
—Puck.
The Mornirg After.
“Is it true ihal- a man is as old as
he feels?” asked Highflier.
“That’s what they say. Why ?” ’
“Because if it is 1 must be about
eighty this morning.” — Chicago
Post.
Before and After.
“What does your wife call you?”
“When we were engaged, she used
to call me ‘sweetheart.’ Howadays
she usually calls me down.”—Hew
York World.
A Thorough Pessimist. ^
“He never looks on the sunny
side of life/’
“Or if he does he complains of
the heat.”—Detroit Free Press.
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That word BESTf*has a potent meaning, and you
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president’s room ?” they asked.
Senator Hawley nbt only did the
honors of the president’s room, but
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more complete line of
“What is the shape of the earth?”
“Round, sir.”
“Like what T* ...
“You, sir.”
Wary.
“Ho,” said Miss Cayenne, “I could
not think of marrying him,”
“Why not?”
“He is a dentist.”
“Dentistry is a very lucrative and
highly esteemed profession.”
“Yes, but he would have the right
to insist on filling my teeth. Fancy
giving any one such a deadly advan
tage in an argument!”—Washing
ton Star. / _
THE RED GROCER
“thank you very much.”
escorted them to the room of the
•committee on military affairs to dis
play to the visitors the handsome
frescoes of that apartment.
“Thank you very, much.” said qtw>