Newspaper Page Text
WEDNESDAY AUGUST 20, 1902.
THE GAINESVILLE NEWS
CONDENSED STORiES.
^CONTRIBUTORY NEGLIGENCE.
jCTwiF.. Sallow,
Bilious Poodle,
fj&r need a gentle stimulant fur the liver >$0$
4BTand a tonic for the system. This essentianwg
wf combination is found in as
fx> AVON'S LIYIRFILLS }
1 jIl^ANDTONIC PELLETS
They do the work completely and thoroughly, and
make strong men and women of invalids; they
I assist Nature to a healthy normal condition, and j
k banish disease in a natural, easy way. 25c a i
K box from all dealers. Write for Free Jjj
9k Samples. Jg
; brown MFG. CO. JgA
Jb?9|V NEW YORK
AND GREENBYILLE, ^FjsLu
tenn.
"Charlotte,” said the first, who
was of her sex and a friend, "strives
to be strictly up to the minute with
her horseless carriage and other
things.”
"Yes,” responded the other, who
was also feminine and an even
iam now engaged in running down a
urtunor to that effect,” said the sen
ator, "and if there’s anything in it
I shall know how to conduct my-
, ?self< My wife and tbecook ( have
-declared for me, I know, and there
■may he others.”—Argonaut.
—f——— • -
A Great Awning.
> . By walking down Prospect. street,
OliWSOLD 5THD.S»^»«Mf4 4 lUhWon Sts
A joint committee of the recent
'Session of the Louisiana legislature
visited the state penal farms at An-
.gola and Hope for the purpose of
reporting on the work done by the
■board of control. The members of-
the committee spent some time talk
ing with the negro convicts, and
presently one of the negroes recog
nized a member of the committee
who is a rising young lawyer not a
^thousand miles from New Iberia.
"You know Mr. B. ?”‘inquired one
*of the gentlemen.
"Yaas, sah, I knows Mr. B.'well.
He’s de one dun sent me heah,” re
plied the darky with a grin spread
•all over his face.
The*gentlemen had not heard of
Mr. B. officiating as a prosecuting
attorney and wanted to know how
he came to send the convict there.
"He wuz mail lawyer, sah.”
Mr. B. acknowledged that the ci
gars were on him, provided the in
cident did not-get any further.—
New Orleans Picayune.
Gold Dollars at a Premium.
The United States gold dollar is
?so scarce that dealers in old and
rare coins are advertising every
where for them, offering from $1.50
to $3 apiece for as many as they
'can get. Since 1889 the United
States mints have not coined any
gold dollars. Since then their value
has increased steadily. In the mint
in Philadelphia, where the dies for
all United States currency are
made, a reporter for the Philadel
phia Times was told the present
value of the gold dollars of 1S89
Those marked C (Carson City) arc
worth from $1.75 to $2.50; those
marked D (Denver) are worth from
$2 to $2.50; those marked S (San
Francisco) are worth, from $2 t<
$3, and those without any mark.
• indicating that they were minted it:
Philadelphia, are worth from $1.50
-to $1.70.
The New Chinese Envoy.
Sir Liang Chen Tung, the new
■Chinese envoy to this country, is a
many sided man. He is thirty-nine
rears old and was one-of the 120
students sent by China, beginning in
1882, to learn American ways. Ho en
tered Amherst college, but was un
able to graduate because of refeali
.by his government, lie was an ex
pert catcher and pitcher on the
’baseball nines at Phillips and Am
herst. He is fond of society and
is an entertaining conversationalist.
It remains to be seen whether he
•can approach the retiring Minister
Wu as an after dinner speaker. Sir
Liang is a widower.
Undiscovered Cuba.
After more than 400 years it ap
pears that Cuba has not yet been
^entirely discovered. Much of it and
many of its treasures are yet un
known, according to the recent re
port made by Governor General
Wood.
He says that after the centuries
-of Spanish occupancy there are
large portions of the island that
have never even been prospected and
practically remain undiscovered so
far as knowledge of what they con
tain goes.—New York Herald.
Finger Nails as Assets.
A Viennese jury has just put a
valuation on finger nails. An artist
named Franz Muller was the proud
^possessor of a set much admired for
their beauty, which so excited the
jealousy of a rival that he man
aged to break one of them. Muller
promptly brought suit for damages,
iand he has been awarded 1,000
tcrowns, the equivalent of $200 in
*our money.—San Francisco Chroni
cle. —
Mason’s Backers.
When-Senator Mason met Post
master General Payne the other day,
the latter said, "Mr. Mason, I hear
you have a presidential boom.” "I
Not Good on the N. P.
Talking of railroad mistakes, thia
is one of the latest stories told by
J. J. Hill, president of the Northern
Pacific: A station agent on that
road had been granted leave of ab
sence for the purpose of getting
married. The usual passes for the
happy couple had been issued from
the main office. On the trip the
agent met a new conductor, who de
manded his ticket.
"I have a pass,” replied the agent,
handing out an envelope.
The conductor read it very sol
emnly and, handing it back, saic
with a shake of the head:
"Gee, man,, that pass is good for a
very long and it may be d very fine
journey, but not on the N. P.”
It turned out that the agent hac.
put his pass and his marriage cer
tificate in the same envelope anc
the conductor^ had taken out the
former.
A Narrow Escape.
A friend of Tom Dunn tells the
following anecdote illustrative of
the ex-sheriff’s pluck and ready wit:
Dunn and a party of friends had
been spending a half hour in an
uptown cafe and paused at the door
for a moment on the way out.
As they did so a man entered,
slamming the door so hard that a
basket of champagne which stood on
the edge of 4 shelf over the thresh
old was knocked down by the im-
‘ English Actors Seen Through
Eyes of a Pair of Cockneys.
Edgar Norton of Viola Allen’s
company tells the following story:
He happened to be in a bar or
saloon in London when he over
heard two cockneys discussing the
merits of popular English actors.
Said one: "No, we ain’t got no
really, good hactors now.”
v "Git hout,” said the other.
"That’s stright! ’Oo ’ave we
bloomin’ well got ?”
"Well, there’s Beer&um Tree”—
“ ’E ain’t nuffink to speak of!”
u ’Ow do yer like George Halex-
ander?”
" ’E ain’t much.”
"Charley ’Awtrey ?”
"Sumtimes ’es orright.”
"Well, wot about ’Arry Irving”
(convincingly) ?
"Well, wot about him ?”
" ’Ow about ’is Macbeth ?”
"Rotten.”
"’Is Looey the Eleventh?”
"It ain’t grite.”
"’Is ’Amlet?”
"Oh, passable, passable!”
"Well (triumphantly), ’ow about
’is Shylock? Ain’t that tricky?”
"Yus (musingly), yus; it’s werry
tricky, I grant yer, but—but it’s
werry wulgar to my way o’ think-
in’.”
Curtain.—Philadelphia Press.
“War's Hideous Din” No More.
Colonel Humbert of the French
Colonial artillery asserts in La
France Militaire that he has invent
ed an apparatus which can be
affixed and adapted to all rifles, pis
tols, revolvers and cannon of any
caliber and which completely does
away \^ith the flash, the sound and
the smoke. The colonel asserts that
the use of his instrument will end
by making war an impossibility.
Ready For Anything.
"But why,” we ask of the great,
inventor, "do you have this huge
balloon at the top of your machine
and the large wheels and steering
gear beneath it?”
"Because,” he answers with pa
tient consideration for our inability
to grasp an idea when it juts out be
fore us, "I am not sure yet whether
this will be an airship or an auto
mobile.”—Baltimore American.
MALARIA
An
Invisible I
Enemy to Health
A Change of Heroes.
A soldier in one of our hospitals
who had lost one of his arms was
rejoicing in the fact. Said he: "My
great-grandfather lost a leg in the
Revolutionary war and our family
las been bragging over it ever since.
That story is an old one, and now
I am going to be the hero of the
family.”—"The Military Common
wealth.”
Means bad air, and whether it
comes from the low lands and
marshes of the country, or the filthy sewers and drain pipes of the citj
and towns, its effect upon the human system is the same.
These atmospheric poisons are breathed into the lungs and taken mi
by the blood, and the foundation of some long, debilitating illness is laid.
Chills and fever, chronic dyspepsia, torpid and enlarged liver, kidney!
troubles, jaundice and biliousness are frequently due to that invisible fori
Malaria. Noxious gases and unhealthy matter collect in the system because I
the liver and kidneys fail to act, and are poured into the blood current until!
it becomes so polluted and sluggish that the poisons literally break throughl
the skin, and carbuncles, boils, abscesses, ulcers and various eruptions of aal
indolent character appear, depleting the system, and threatening life itseltI
The germs and poisons that so oppress and weaken the body and destroy!
the life-giving properties of the blood, rendering it thin and watery, mustj
be overcome and carried out of the system before the'patient can hope to|
get rid of Malaria and its effects. j
S. S. S. does this and quickly produces an entire!
change in the blood, reaching every organ and stinnl
lating them to vigorous, healthy action. S. S. SJ
possesses not only purifying but tonic properties,!
and the general health improves, and the appetite!
increases almost from the first dose. There is no Mercury, Potash, Arsenic!
or other mineral in S. S. S. It is strictly and entirely a vegetable remedy!
Write us about your case, and our physicians will gladly help you by!
their advice to regain your health. Book on blood and skin diseases sent!
free. THE SWIFT SPECIFIC CO, Atlanta, Gs. j
Fresh.
.What you buy here is fresh and nice—you can
count
that. We have no old stuff to unload on our customers,
stock is always new and clean.
“another second and the drinks
WOULD HAVE BEEN ON ME.”
S iet. There was a general gasp, for
unn stood immediately under
neath.
The ex-sheriff was the only man
in the crowd who kept cool. He
had seen the basket start and he
'caught it neatly in midair. Then,
turning to the others, the basket
still held over his head, he observed
calmly: -
"Boys, another second and the
drinks would have been on me.”-—
New York Letter.
Senator Plunkitt Interprets Latin.
State- Senator Plunjdtt waa Te-
ceiving his retainers as usual in the
rotunda of the county courthouse.
When one said: ' jfe;. ’ - . r , ;
"I don’t like this talking about
triumvirs 'in Tammany Hall. It’s
worse than the cry of ‘bpss/ ”
"Nonsense 1” exclaimedihe
Uncle Sam’s
Mail Service
requires physical and mental
ability of a high degree to
withstand ns hard labors.. The
high tension to which the
nervous system is constantly
subjected, has a depressing ef
fect, and soon headache, back
ache, neuralgia, rheumatism,
sciatica, etc., develop in severe
form. Such was the case of
Mail Carrier S, F. Sweinhart,
of Huntsville, Ala., he says:
‘‘An attack of pneumonia left me
. with muscular rheumatism: headache,
and pains that' seemed tb be all over
me. I Was Scarwsly able .to more for
about a month when I decided to give
iOtad;
Customer!
Means a great deal,, so we always please our trade,
would be glad for you to come in and let us show you what^ e
doing for others——We are perfectly willing to sell Vou j ust j
cheap.