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LIFE
The Times, Gainesville, Georgia | gainesvilletimes.com
Sunday, November 4, 2018 3E
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REMOTE
Tribune News Service
DON’T MISS: “The
Walking Dead” —
regrets? He had a few.
But he also obliterated
so many zombies. Now,
however, it’s time for
Rick Grimes to bid fare
well. After eight years of
playing the show’s leader,
actor Andrew Lincoln
takes his leave in an epi
sode likely to tug on the
heartstrings of many fans.
But how will embattled
Rick go? Last week’s cliff-
hanger left him in a dire
predicament that seemed
to suggest he might turn
into walker grub. Let’s
hope he rallies. (9 p.m.
Sunday, AMC).
OTHER BETS:
SUNDAY: Rejoice,
“Outlander” fans. The
suspenseful time-travel
drama returns for a
fourth season that has
Claire and Jamie work
ing to build a life in the
rough and dangerous
“New World” of colonial
America. (8 p.m., Starz).
MONDAY: In the new
reality series “Mama
Medium,” Jennie Marie,
a clairvoyant from Roch
ester, N.Y., apparently
helps people who are des
perate to communicate
with their loved ones. (9
p.m., TLC).
GOREN BRIDGE
SUIT OR NO TRUMP?
Both vulnerable, South deals
NORTH
A K 10
S? A K 7 3 2
0872
*Q J8
WEST
A743
OQ8
010 5 3
EAST
A A 8 6 5 2
OJ64
OAK96
^ 6
SOUTH
♦ Q J9
010 9 5
OQ J4
* A K 10 5
The bidding:
SOUTH WEST NORTH EAST
1* Pass 19 1A
1NT Pass 3NT All pass
Opening lead: Four of A
Players will usually prefer to play
game in an eight-card major suit fit
rather than play in no trump. That’s
a good idea, but when the hand
with the five-card major is otherwise
balanced and his partner’s hand is
completely balanced, nine tricks at
no trump might prove easier to take.
Today’s deal is from a team game.
At this table, East won the opening
spade lead with his ace and shifted
to a low diamond, setting up three
potential diamond tricks for himself.
South won the shift with his queen
and led the 10 of hearts to the queen
and ace. He crossed back to his hand
with a club to lead the nine of hearts.
He was hoping West would cover
and East would have a doubleton
eight, but that hope vanished when
West played the eight. Declarer rose
with dummy’s ace and took his nine
tricks — two spades, two hearts, one
diamond, and four clubs. Making
three!
At the other table, North-South
“found” their eight-card heart fit.
There were four certain losers and
declarer never had a chance. Down
one.
No trump is often best when one
player has a six-card minor suit.
Be on the lookout for hands that
might play better in notrump despite
a five-three major suit fit. It is almost
always right to play in a major with
a four-four fit, unless both hands
are “mirrored,” meaning they have
exactly the same length in all four
suits.
(Bob Jones welcomes readers’
responses sent in care of this paper
or tcaeditors@tribpub.com)
Well-off boyfriend
gets angery over
homeless population
Dear Carolyn:
I’ve been dating this guy
for about five months. I
live in the city, he lives in
the suburbs. Since I live
where there’s more to do,
and don’t own a car, he
usually drives into the city
to see me.
Since we’ve become
more comfortable with
each other, he now arrives
at my apartment and
expresses a great deal of
annoyance at the home
less people he passed on
his drive, often for asking
for money in an aggres
sive way or wandering
about the road unsafely.
His annoyance verges
on anger and really both
ers me. I understand that
harassment or unsafe driv
ing situations can be very
distressing and frustrating,
but his anger seems to
zero in on the homeless
population, and I wouldn’t
devote time and energy to
being angry at a group of
people so obviously less
fortunate than me. My
boyfriend is very well off
and had a comfortable
middle-class upbringing.
I see it as a reflection of
his values that he can’t
seem to have any empa
thy toward this group just
because they are causing
mild annoyance.
Lately I’ve just been let
ting him vent, because we
all need that sometimes
and also because it has
caused intense arguments
when I’ve protested. But I
can’t shake the discomfort
I feel when he complains
about this group.
How can I approach this
without seeming like I am
dismissing his feelings of
being harassed or unsafe?
— Comfortable in City
If he is irritated by pan
handlers but not equally so
by some Bimmer riding his
tail for being in the passing
lane for a nanosecond too
long, then you might well
have a classist jerk for a
boyfriend.
But that’s neither here
nor there.
What is important:
— You question his
character;
— But have learned not
to do so out loud;
— Because his annoy
ance “verges on anger”;
— And he fights off your
questioning with “intense
arguments.”
Do you see it?
The specific issue could
be anything. Let’s say, for
argument’s sake, he rages
equally at 7-Series drivers,
so it’s not about empathy
for the downtrodden. You
still have a dynamic where
you have legitimate con
cerns — his entitlement
and his regular, carryover
anger — that you choose
not to talk about because
he makes you pay too
dearly for speaking up.
That is at best a recipe
for misery, and at worst
dangerous. He has become
comfortable enough
around you to start show
ing his true self, but you
have actually become less
so, by your own account of
how you’ve learned to hold
back, deliberately sup
pressing your discomfort.
You cannot say, “When you
vent about panhandlers,
I hear a lack of empathy,
and that bothers me.”
You do not feel safe
speaking your mind to this
man.
CAROLYN HAX
tellme@washpost.com
Game over. He’s not
the guy.
Even if your hunch
about his economic empa
thy deficit is wrong. Which
I suspect it isn’t, but that’s
neither here nor there.
Unless you can speak
freely, and unless you like
what you hear in return, he
is not the guy.
Dear Carolyn:
Today is my older
brother’s birthday (mid-
30s). I did not call and do
not plan to. The only time
he calls is when he needs
something — and even
then, he calls our mother
to ask the rest of the sib
lings. He has time only
when he gets something
from it. He did not call
when I got married, for
Thanksgiving, for Christ
mas, for his niece’s birth,
my birthday, nor has he
returned my calls.
Apparently, I’m not the
only sibling who “forgot”
his birthday because he
complained to Mom that
no one has called. So Mom
has sent us each a text
reminding us to call our
brother, along with a guilt
trip. I’m not trying to count
beans, but I honestly don’t
want to call him. What say
you?
— “Forgot”
Call, don’t call, either
is fine, and both are now
beside the point given that
I file in advance.
But your brother and
mom, in their succession
of choices, did draw a tidy
diagram of what likely
went wrong here.
Your brother never got
the hang of the “give” part
of give-and-take.
And your mother never
stopped trying to insulate
him from the conse
quences of this disconnec
tion, scrambling to make
sure he still got to “take”
in spite of any deficits in
the “give” column.
Chicken first, egg first,
works either way.
It’s sad. It was an
unforced parental error,
I’d guess. It puts all his
sibs on the spot. More
important, though, it gen
erates stress for your mom
and loneliness for your
brother.
So instead of counting
beans or going silent, get
at the bigger questions:
“Mom, why do you think
he goes to you instead of
just talking to us?”
“[Brother], I hear you’re
looking for X. Why didn’t
you call me directly? Even
just to say hi?”
Don’t get in the middle,
of course — no demanding
or expecting. But you have
little to lose by calling the
elephant’s name.
Chat with Carolyn online at
noon each Friday at www.
washingtonpost.com.
SUDOKU
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DIFFICULTY RATING: ★ ★ ★ ★ ★
SOLUTION, 4E
